Testimonies for "Our Marriage is Our Happy Place!"

[JoelandKathy]

Updated note: We have finished the new edition of "Livin' it and Lovin' it!" It will be available August 1, 2010!

 

So we have updated this section to reflect that we are working on "My Marriage is Our Happy Place!" Please put your testimony first in your regular praise report topic -and then put a copy of it here! This makes our job more easy when the time comes. Thank you!

 

Here is the original post:

 

We will be reprinting "Livin' it and Lovin' it" in a few months.

 

 

In the current editions of both books, we have many testimonies of couples who received miracles and have gone on to live their lives happily. Some of these couples are still involved in the forum and phone calls, such as homeschooling hogans and Rebecca and Humblepie and others I can't think of at the moment. Jan, of course!

 

 

What we would like to do is to replace some of the excellent testimonies that are in the book of people who are not involved in the forum and phone calls with testimonies from you who are fully involved.

 

 

Would you please look through your testimonies posted here in the praise section and in your posts that you have written to people on the forum.. and pick the best of the best "telling" of your story.

 

 

Then post it here in this section.. We are going to come here when it is time and replace some of those testimonies.

 

 

Pure in Heart and Josua. Jeff and Gaining Hope. GPP and GMS, Miss Elizabeth and what is Mike's screen name?... Dory and Peter.. Ed and Livia, on and on...

 

 

We would like testimonies from couples like this,

 

 

We would also like testimonies from women who have found support and help personally even though your husband may not have changed. His Child, Butterfly, Walking with Him, Abigail and more.

 

 

We also would like testimonies from our guys who have been working to win your wife's heart back. Even if you have not won your wife back, you can talk about your growth in Christlikeness. For Him For her, Undying trust etcetera.

 

 

We prefer to have these testimonies from those of you who have been around for like nine months or more.

 

 

If we did not mention your name, it was not intentional. Just build that testimony and put it here.. Thank you!

[JoelandKathy]

Hi Kimberly -

 

 

I saw this today and am just copying it here. You can add parts of this to the other things you use in you and Joshua's story. I did not realize that it took Joshua seven months to turn around after you filed. What a wonderful addition to your testimony that we did not remember the right detail to.

 

 

Everyone - be sure to put timelines like this in your testimonies like this. Thanks!

 

 

 

Welcome to this forum. I am so sorry for the deep gash left there by an abusive and unloving husband. You have found the answer you have been praying for. I know myself the frustrations of living in silence while everything inside me was dying. My husband also was very spiritually abusive. He would say similar things to me...that I was rebellious and did not obey God's authority. That I was not submissive and out of order.

 

 

He grew increasingly harsh and demanding with our sons too. If I would try and step in to stop him he accused me of not respecting him and that I was interfering.

 

 

My nightmare went on for 16 years until one day he left. He would not divorce me but would also not reconcile with me until I met all of his demands..I could never meet them..so for over 5 years I danced his dance. I had no idea what to do. Even Pastoral counseling seemed to lay the guilt at my feet. Go home and submit was there only answer. I was crying but no one could hear me. All I could hear were cruel voices telling me it was my fault.

 

 

Something deep inside though held me...I knew... though I could never voice it... that something was wrong. I spent years going back and forth in my mind trying to grasp God's truth. I had no answers as to why God seemingly put me off. I know now in hindsight God protected me. I did not have the truth until I found J&K. I could have found a million different websites that night I was in my final stages of desperation. I was ignorant as I was "obeying" God in standing in faith for God to change him. Of course, as you well know your husband or mine ever stepped up. I was too busy allowing him to step all over me. That is what most Church doctrine tells women to do.

 

 

God knew when my heart could handle the truth. He let me exhaust my own way and my own thinking to see that His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than mine. Part of the truth I never saw coming was that I was holding on to my marriage more than I was holding on to God. I equated my marital happiness with God's blessing on my life. Yes, God wants marriages and families blessed in the earth. He wants a Godly offspring and a remnant for His kingdom purposes. I thought God wanted that at my expense. I thought if I stood in the gap for my husband God was obliged somehow to answer me. I thought I was doing God a favor by taking my my husband's abuse.

 

 

God has led you here...He knew when you could hold still for one moment and let Him tell you...He loves you and that God never meant for you to be unloved or abused. To tell you it is not your fault!! That God called a husband to lay his life down for his wife...NOT for a wife to die for him.

 

 

Order J&K's first Book...and soak up the truth you probaly have never heard...but have always known. Yes, give your husband the Book to read and tell him you found the answer and a Ministry that can heal your marriage. If your husband rejects this message...which is God's Word....we will take you to the next step.

 

 

My husband did reject this at first...I filed for divorce and went silent. 7 months later...God did a miracle. You can read my story Pure in Heart in this section. I am also going to attach articles Joel and Kathy wrote that will be helpful to you. If you can.. there are marriage Mationwide calls almost every night now..I will post this link as well.

 

 

I know it is hard to trust sweet woman of God...after believing something wrongly about marriage for so long...honestly...this all seemed to good to be true...but what I found was that the truth always has fruit. The fruit that this ministry has and the marriages that have been restored...mine included..

 

is the evidence that God is here. My life has never been the same since.

 

 

Peace and your answered prayer,

 

 

Kimberly

 

Note to Joel: Done

[JoelandKathy]

Hey folks.. please spread the word about this topic.. of putting your best, full testimony here in this string... for the next edition of "Livin' it and Lovin' it!"

[Aslan's Child]

This is from July 4th, this year. I hope you can use it. And thanks, for everything!

 

 

 

Happy Miracleversary to my wonderful hero!

 

 

LO has been laying his life down for me for one year as of today. I can still hardly believe it. Last July 4th, I had begged God to harden my heart and protect me as I prepared to tell LO that I was going to "let him off the hook", and that he no longer had to "put up with me". My life was a waking nightmare, and I couldn't believe that I was about to get divorced. I had walked down roads I never thought I'd ever see, let alone be on. I had fought with all my strength, and pleaded with God with every fiber of my being to save our marriage, but LO kept blaming me and had such impossible expectations there just didn't seem to be anything more I could do. I was convinced he hated me, and was only "making the best of things" because he didn't believe in divorce, no matter how bad things got. We had tried several different counselors and therapy programs. I had tried everything I could think of, and asked friends for guidance, and tried thier ideas, but nothing made him happy, and I had nothing left in me to fight with.

 

 

I will never forget walking around the back of the house. I was shaking so bad inside, I thought I was going to pass out. Every muscle in my body was locked up tight, and I looked at him, and thought, "This can't be happening". He asked me to come inside and led me to our bedroom. I kept praying for strength from God to let him go. Imagine my shock when he said, "I am recommitting myself to our marriage. I am sorry for how I've hurt you, and things are going to be different from now on." I told him, "I don't trust you and don't know if I ever will be able to trust you again." He said, "I know." I told him I was scared to give him yet another chance. He said, "You should be." I prayed that God would protect me and give me wisdom, and said, "Ok". I placed my fragile heart in God's hands, and thought, "I'm just going to enjoy any good that comes from this, but I'm not letting him anywhere near my heart until I am sure that he really is going to change this time."

 

 

This past year has been so unbelievable. From that terrifying day, to the day on September 26th when I gave him my ring in a dark theater so that he could put it back on my finger as we said vows to each other along with Caleb and Catherine from "Fireproof", to the day in October when he moved me back home, through nerve-wracking holidays, to the day just a few weeks ago when we renewed our vows with Joel and Kathy to today. To this amazing, beautiful, God-ordained day, when my heavenly Father has not only restored my husband to me, but has refined him into a man I can respect and trust and love. A man who reads the Bible with me, and is beginning to pray with me. A man who is being very patient and careful as my heart heals. A man who is willing to take anything that comes flooding out of my wounded heart so I can be cleansed and made pure, as Jesus carried the cross for us. A man who still manages to say things that astound me.

 

 

My life would be so very different today if Joel and Kathy had not turned their marriage over to God. If they had not come back into the fire to save others. If my husband had not opened his heart to God. If I had not trusted God. I am thankful to Heather and Jeff, for spending over three hours wrestling with LO on the phone only one short day before I gave up. I am thankful to Dory and Nemo and Michael and Annalea for sacrificing thier time to help others. I am thankful to Kay, who reached out to me when I first found this ministry and encouraged me when I was sure I was unloveable. I am thankful that all of you made yourselves available to help us when we were stuck. I am thankful to all the helpers and moderators who were quick to jump on my thread and encourage me when I was at my lowest, and who still offer comfort to me when infertility wears me down.

 

 

There is so much on my heart I could go on and on, but I will save that for my Christ-like husband. My hero. Here's to our Miracleversary, and all the rest to come. Here's to our Outrageously Happy Marriage. We haven't arrived, yet, but we are well on our way! God bless you and every marriage who He leads here. May you all get your blessed miracle and Outrageously Happy Marriage. May God lift up all you precious hearts who could not receive their miracle because of an uncooperative spouse. I know He mourns with you, but that He also knows the blessings He has waiting for you. In spite of the heartache I feel over infertility, I know our God. I know how much He loves us, even when we don't feel it or aren't so loving to Him. I know one day, we will see Him face to face, and every tear will be wiped away. We will be reunited with our loved ones who have gone home before us. We will know God's perfect love completely. And one day, evil will be wiped out for good. Oh, how I long for the day. May God overwhelm you with His love for you.

 

 

 

I've been rereading this thread as well as parts of my original thread. It still blows my mind to realize how far we've come. Only God could have saved us, and I am so thankful He did.

 

(Note to Joel - Done)

[InHisImage]

Happy Miracleversary to my wonderful hero!

 

Aslan's Child- Happy Miraclevesary to both of you!!

 

Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. The honesty of your trials, fears, and victory had me smiling with tears for the two of you. Tonight i was feeling a little self-pity for the state of my marriage and I was hoping to find a story to celebrate.,..and a restored marriage to praise and thank Him for, and I found yours. I will return to it often and thank Him for the changes in your home and claim that victory for my own marriage. I emo'lly tormented my wife and caused her to loose hope, but I to have recommitted myself to my marriage and am hoping for a reconciliation. God Bless you both and thank you for sharing!

[JoelandKathy]

Thank you, AC!

 

That is what we are looking for from everyone - save us some time please! Find your best praise reports and copy them into this topic for us to add into the reprint of "Livin' it and Lovin' it!"

[shock]

Thank you, AC!

 

 

That is what we are looking for from everyone - save us some time please! Find your best praise reports and copy them into this topic for us to add into the reprint of "Livin' it and Lovin' it!"

[shock]

hi guys,

here is a letter i gave to my pastor today:

 

Dear Mark,

Most likely you won’t recognize me by name but when you see my face you will. This is a plea for help, more specifically for housing. I am in a desperate situation and I’m hoping you my know of some one that might me in a position to help. This is my story:

I was married with child when my young family and me first attended your church. At the time we lived in a hotel in downtown L.a. we were evicted by our friend/landlord because I wasn’t a good steward with the finances the Lord had blessed me with. But while we lived in the hotel for almost 6 months God blessed us with an amazing opportunity to buy our first home. We were elated to say the least. We bought our home with an amazing $100,000 price reduction at the last minute. God was blessing our socks off. 1/1/07 with keys in hand I carried my wife across the threshold into our dream home.

All was grand.

So what happened?

I was an abusive husband. I was an abusive husband before we bought the house, but for about 6 months I was riding on the high of our new purchase and the prospect of stepping up into a higher demographic bracket (upper middle class). That high finally wore off and I was back to my old tactics: emotional, spiritual, physical abuse. I blamed my wife for my bad behavior all along yelling at her that if she weren’t so oppositional and overbearing things would be lovely and peaceful between us. The truth of the matter was I was an abusive tyrant with serious arrested development issues.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II and o.c.d. for which I got on medication. We were doing well and I was well behaved during that period and so I thought “hey I don’t need these meds anymore and proceeded to wean myself off. All went to hell after that. So I got back on, but for some sick reason I continued to make bad choices. I did not live with my wife in an understanding way, let alone die for her.

Because I did not live with my wife in love my prayers were hindered, I lost my business, our finances dried up. At the same time my wife was diagnosed with cancer and had to under go emergency surgery and a follow up surgery. She lost her ovary and fallopian tube. (I am crying as I write this, the poor thing was traumatized, sick and abused because of ME) I blamed her behavior for the cancer saying that God was judging her. On her sick bed (she had a hospital bed brought into our home) I yelled at her telling her to get a job!

From the beginning we agreed that Rachel would be a stay at home wife/mom. It was hard since my income was inconsistent but God was faithful. The inconsistent income prevented us from maintaining health insurance. When Rachel was diagnosed with cancer she was awarded emergency medical. One of the stipulations of her maintaining medical is to be impoverished, she was. She couldn’t work and I only gave her $750/month to live off from the time I filled for divorce till this past January. She can’t show income from any source to exceed $1000.00/month for medical.

 

I had a couple of affairs (one paid for)

I filed for divorce

We lost the house to foreclosure

I moved out, she was finally evicted with our daughter.

Were am I now:

I am involved with a powerful ministry called God Save My Marriage. I joined them back in November at the plea of my ex wife to rescue my relationship with our 7 year old daughter. The first thing the minister said to me was “if you want to heal your relationship with your daughter you have to win your wife’s heart back”

“WHAT?! We are divorced! Our marriage was hell from the very start! I don’t want her back I just divorced her!” (In all actually my wife divorced me a long time ago because of my unfaithfulness and abuse).

With in 15 minutes he explained that I was at fault. I didn’t live with my wife with understanding, I didn’t die, I didn’t submit, I didn’t serve, I didn’t provide, nurture, protect, nor cherish her. 95%-100% of all the marriage issues are due to the husband, and if the woman has any issues she will be healed by her husbands love!

WOW! I was blown away. The scales were beginning to fall off my eyes and for the first time in 7 years I was free of my delusion.

Since that first phone call I have been on a warpath with myself and have been diligently laying my life down for my wife without expecting anything in return. God has been answering my prayers, and my wife has graciously allowed my back into her life. I have learnt allot about what it means to be a Christ like man in short it is to love your wife. This is your spiritual act of worship to God.

I’ll be honest it is not easy, my pride flares up but I am fighting it. I am fighting to be a Godly man.

I have caused my wife and daughter so much pain.

I don’t deserve to even be in the same room as them, but they have both been gracious and God has been doing amazing things for us.

So why this letter to you?

Well in short I need a place to live, currently and for the past 9 months I’ve been living at a friends home in playa del rey for free. This has enabled me to pay for all of Rachel’s living expenses; expenses that she wouldn’t have had if I had been a true husband. Roughly 85% of my income goes to her. It is just enough to cover her expenses with a little left over to pay my car note cell phone, insurance food and gas. Other than that I really don’t need anything else and I have learnt to live at this level of poverty.

So, I am desperate. I am hoping you my have some connections, maybe know of a person who is willing to barter (I am a licensed contractor working for another company because my own business is so inconsistent)

 

Mark,

Thank you so much for reading this letter. If nothing else at least it will provide a referral to a wonderful and powerful ministry for any marriages you may know of that need serious healing.

 

All the best and love,

Kurush

 

 

P.S. I have a small dog too.

 

Note to Joel: Done

[JoelandKathy]

Thank you, Karush. That is an excellent letter for "Livin' it and Lovin' it!" We will take out the part about needing housing, of course - as by that time, you will be well taken care of. God answers prayers for men who live with their wives in an understanding way. He also answers his wife's prayer. Be sure to pray together about a place to live. I hope that Pastor Mark knows someone with a cheap room to rent. In our area, a person can rent a room in someone's home with kitchen priveledges for $400 per month.

[Kay]

Bob & Kay's Testimony.....

 

 

June 07 - finding out about an affair via computer. 2 months of me crying and unable to function, as hubby tried to prove to me how much he loved me, while at the same time, secretively, continuing to engage in conversations with the affair partner. We didn't know God on an intimate level.

 

Aug. 07 - dealing with the Jekle and Hyde guy and God continuing to reveal what was hidden in darkness -I was drowning in pain and beginning to reach out to God to please stop the pain I was feeling. J & K website sent to me by a friend. I sent it to Bob and he said, "They have an interesting concept" and said he'd read it and agreed we needed help, but did nothing.

 

Sept. 07 - A "love text" comes in on Bob's phone, and I left immediately after, ( with his phone) leaving a note to each of my kids via email that I loved them so much but needed a couple of days alone. I was having suicidal thoughts. My oldest packed up his fathers bags and told him to leave, and that he wanted his mom to come home. Bob walked out the door with his head hanging low, all the while, leaving me phone messages that he loved me. Less than a week later, we were in Palm Beach, Fl. sitting at J & K's Marriage Intensive. Yes, we got our Miracle, or so I thought. Bob backslid more and more each day, and refused to listen to any of the help offered. He blamed me for not responding postitively to his great efforts. I spent my time with him, walking on egg shells.

 

Nov. 07 - Met up with J & K in Florida, as we vacatione; What was meant for fun, turned into work for Joel and Kathy. We were not doing well. I was threatening divorce. Bob was in denial that HE was the problem, and was hoping that they could fix ME. He was the good guy and I had the issues. I was being unforgiving. He was here and he "loved me" I needed to get over this.

 

Feb. 08 - I left again for a week, due to Bob's rage/abuse getting out of hand, along with the fact that he didn't want to make love. Things did not improve after I got home. He refused to have anything to do with J & K and he wasn't buying into their program or religion. He wanted to go to a Certified Counselor with degrees on the wall. Eventually, I went - once, but refused to go back. I insisted on J & K or nobody. Things spiraled downward.

 

April 08 - Abuse was beginning to scare me. I didn't trust myself, and had slapped him twice. I begged him to leave, but he refused. I began communicating with an attorney who told me that he had rights to stay in the home, so I left again, with kids shifting back and forth between my parent's home, where I stayed, and our house, with their dad. I spent hours on the forum, where I was loved and supported. I became stronger and stronger.

 

July 08 - I came home in order to "regain control" as advised by my attorney. Bob had agreed to move into the basement. He was happy to have me home, and he tried to be nice to me, constantly asking me out on dates, but, by this time, my heart was closing, and I refused to engage with him, unless he called Joel. It was all or nothing for me. He still refused to have anything to do with the Ministry, so I served him with divorce papers.

 

Aug. 08 - Bob didn't want the divorce and realized that I wasn't going to back down. He humbled himself and called Joel. Apologized to them. Joined Men's Mentoring Calls and started back in the process of learning how to win back my heart.

 

Sept. - 08 - We left our current Church, and became strengthened in our Faith. Bob was trying, and I was calming down. I was beginning to believe that we could make it. I put the divorce on hold for 6 months.

 

Dec. - 08 - We were up and down for these 3 months, but I was starting to notice changes in Bob. My hope increased.

 

Jan - May 09 - We were bonding and growing closer physically, emotionally, and spiritually. All Abuse had stopped completely. We were both listening in on most conference calls, and reading books and forum. I had a new husband, and I was thrilled. God had opened my eyes to how awesome he really is. I was beginning to live again, and was finding myself smiling more each day. The happiness inside my soul that had been buried for so long was trying to come out. Bob was doing what he was supposed to do, and I was starting to feel his heart opening up more each day.

 

June - 09 - Our divorce was officially cancelled, and we had our vows renewed with Joel and Kathy on a Cruise Ship. We had a blast and I was happy.

 

Aug. - 09 - We got baptized holding hands, together.

 

Sept - Dec 09 - We continued to move forward on our journey to an OHM

 

It is now 6 months later, and we are continuing to do well. God has also placed a yearning into our heart to help other hurting couples. We currenty run one of the J & K Conference Calls.

 

I love my husband and he loves me. We treat each other with respect and dignity. We cherish each other. We honor each other. We are equals. and THAT is what God's design for Marriage is.

 

This is not an end - it's only a beginning. A brand new start of a brand new life. We are finally making it!

 

Of course, we will have issues come up. But, I am confident that we will be able to work through them, and continue moving forward on this journey to an Outrageously Happy Marriage.

 

God gets all the credit, because I believe that he is right here, working through Joel and Kathy and this Ministry! I count my blessings every single day!

 

Kay (Wife of Bob)

Edited May 26, 2010 by Kay

[JoelandKathy]

Thank you, Kay and Bob! Where is Heather and Jeff, Dory and Nemo, others? Let's fill the book with testimonies from people on the forum and phone calls! You don't have to write new testimonies.. just take ones you have written elsewhere in the praise section or in other topics and you can copy and paste them here. Save us time looking around and be sure you are included! In the book, we will be using initials and forum names or something like that - so people can know who you are when they come to the forum and are reading the books.

 

Let us know how you would like to be identified. If you use your real names on the calls and forum names on the forum, then how about we use your real first names in the book and forum names also.. or if you use forum names on the calls also, we will just id you in the book by the fake name alone.. We won't use last names. I think though that it is good to use the city and state.

 

If we get too many testimonies to fit into Livin' it and Lovin' it, then we will use the rest in "My Marriage is my Happy Place!" which will probably come out six months after the reprint of "Livin' it and Lovin' it!"

[Giving Hope]

Joel, you asked where is ours? Well it's all in my head and not down on paper...Give me a deadline to get me moving on this...I am having mental block when it comes to getting it all down on paper....thanks Heather

[Looney_Tunes]

(OK, Joel, you asked for it - it's a little long winded, so feel free to edit! And you can use Cindy or Looney or both - it doesn't matter to me.)

 

Our marriage started out on the wrong foot – we weren’t Christians then, and we did everything wrong. It was pretty good for the first two years, but as soon as we began to have kids, everything went downhill. In 2002, my husband left me and our five children.

 

After receiving some counseling from a pastor friend of his, my husband agreed that, biblically, he had to come back. It was NOT because he loved us and wanted his family – he never said those words. He thought he was doing the right thing in God's eyes. He did try, but after a couple of years things slipped backwards again.

 

I have no idea how I found Joel and Kathy – I think there was a link on some web page I was on, but to this day I couldn’t tell you what it was. I started reading the excerpt while I waited for the books to arrive, and it said exactly what I’d been trying to tell my husband for years. He agreed to read the books, and for a few months I could see some positive changes. I was beginning to have hope, but before long he quit trying and we were right back where we’d been. I told him that it was J&K’s way or nothing, and if he chose not to participate then he was welcome to leave. He agreed to try again.

 

We went to our intensive in Feb. 2009. Again, he made positive changes for a few months. However, in the end they were only head changes, not heart changes. This time I knew that it was ok to expect my husband to love me, and it was ok to ask him to leave if he didn’t. He chose to leave. He is now living alone, and by choice has very little contact with his children. He has what he wanted - no effort, no risk, no need to think of anyone but himself.

 

I’ve been asked why I still “preach” Joel and Kathy when it clearly didn’t work in my marriage. I usually say that penicillin cures pneumonia, but only if the patient will take it. The fact that my husband chose not to walk this out doesn’t mean there is something wrong with the message. It means there was something wrong with my husband.

 

I love the calls and the forum – I have sisters I would never have met otherwise, and I have friends who hold me up when I can’t stand on my own. I get to watch husbands turn from little boys to strong men of God, and I get to see wives become healed and whole. I know now what a marriage is supposed to look like, so if God ever brings someone else into my life, I’ll do it right this time.

[JoelandKathy]

Thank you, Cindy!

 

Heather, we are hoping to have the complete updates done by Friday next week.. May 9th I believe it is. (The Friday before our next intensive).

 

To anyone reading who has funds to bless this project with (I know.. that does not include anyone who has written a testimony so far (!) so don't feel like this is directed to you..) but to anyone who does have funds and would like to be a direct blessing to the reprint project, please do let us know. 386-206-3128.

 

The book production investment is a way to multiply your gifts as the books are sold for years and the multiplied proceeds help to fund all of the ministry expenses... Kathy and I do not pay ourselves from the sales of product.. we only pay ourselves from Intensives and from offerings. All of the proceeds from the sale of the last 3000 copies of Livin' it and Lovin' it were invested back into the many various ways that funds are spent to reach people through the ministry. We also pay Marsha, the ministry secretary/accountant out of the product sales.

 

Since Kathy and I do not draw our pay from the sale of books, we don't want anyone to give toward the book project and then cancel their monthly gift that they give each month already.. that would be the same as Kathy and I paying for the production out of our own pockets.. so, if you are a monthly giver to the ministry already, please don't give a gift to the book project that would result in your cancelling your monthly giving! Just being real..

 

The need is for five people or couples to donate $1000 each.. and that money will reproduce itself for years in the ministry account to keep things growing! If you would like to see your $1000 gift be multiplied into $4000 of blessing to the ministry over the next few years, please contact us! Thank you!

[dory]

Awesome post Looney! that was rather long-winded for YOU! A mere hic-cup for others.

 

Hey Joel, there might be something of value on our string. most recently I posted THIS to my former maid-of-honor friend:

[JoelandKathy]

Ok - this is hard! Taking existing testimony pages out is like pulling teeth.. with no pain killer!

 

This is one that we are taking out and replacing with John and Susan's testimony! (Large one and Aslan's Child). "John and Mandy" are still doing great.. but they are not on the forum and we are working to replace some of the non-forum participant testiomonies with people who our readers of "Livin' it and Lovin' it" can actually meet and talk to on the forum!

 

I am putting the deleted testimony here for posterity..

 

Dear Joel and Kathy,

 

I am still growing into the man that God has called me to become as I become the husband that my wife needs me to be! There are still those times I get frustrated, angry and upset; it’s over little, nothing things. I LET things bother me, I LET myself get this way, yet my wife and son suffer. What a jerk I can be.

 

Recently, Mandy was going to leave me and take our son, Caleb. I was stunned and devastated but NOT SURPRISED. I knew I was at fault and no one else. Well, she came back later that morning and we reconciled. Then just two days ago I was in one of my “POOR ME” MOODS where I clam up and pace around, making everyone miserable; all over a stupid, insignificant matter.

I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, BUT I DO NOT DO IT. I KNOW it is the OLD MAN, and I KNOW HE NEEDS TO DIE DAILY. I begin to make progress and then I fall back again. It truly needs to be a matter of being dead. So RIGHT NOW, THIS MOMENT, I CHOOSE to die to myself and LIVE. I could probably be a poster boy for a book. Actually, I already am. It’s the one you’ve written. God’s Grace IS SUFFICIENT.

 

Mandy is the best wife in the world. My marriage is not where it needs to be but I truly believe it can be.

 

John A. Stout II

Battalion Chief/Department Chaplain

 

Authors’ Note: When a man “gets” the message, one of the first evidences is that he begins to see his wife in a totally new way. She is no longer the hard to please, ungrateful, unsubmissive and uncooperative problem in the marriage. He begins to see her as a most fabulous wife and is suddenly very grateful that she has stayed with him through her years of misery.

[Giving Hope]

Hey Joel

 

Here you go! I tried to keep this a short and simple as possible..if not it would probably take up a whole book in itself!

 

August 5, 2007 is a day I will never forget! It’s a day that will forever live in my memories as one of the darkest days of my life. While today I can say that the pain of that day is fading, the memory is still vivid. That is one of the many lessons that I learned on our journey to an OHM! That when a husband dies to self and works to bring healing to his wife pain; the pain will no longer be connected to the memories.

 

October 2007, a friend handed us a copy of “TMOHD/TWOH” and I remember reading it in one seating! I could not get enough of it! Finally someone who understood, who validated me, who knew what I was going through and was speaking to my heart!

 

Easter Weekend (2008) after spending months talking on the group mentoring calls, being on the forums and a few private calls to Joel and Kathy as well; we were able to attend an intensive! That weekend was a changing point in our lives! We were able to start building a new foundation for our marriage! It was also the first time I ever say my husband cry over the pain that I was in. It was very humbling and healing at the same time.

 

I can’t say that the time from 2008 through today has been easy, but I can say that the hard work that we both have put into this marriage has been so worth the rewards that God is blessing us with today! The Bible say’s “Live with understanding of your wife, so that your prayers will not be hinder”. Well I can say that my husband took that to heart! Today he is living in understanding with me…and those blessings have been many and great!

 

There are so many things that I wish I could express about this ministry and about my husband, but being a women of few (but blunt) words, I am know in a place that I never knew even existed years ago! Just a few years ago, I was facing divorce, today I wake knowing how much I am loved by my husband, and cannot even fathom being anywhere else on this earth, than beside him! I can say that the journey is never over...but just gets better each and every day!

 

Blessings

Giving Hope/Jeff (note to Joel - done)

[Celia]

I do not know where to start, our lives have been changed forever. More than two years ago we began this journey with Joel and Kathy, yet I sense a lifetime has passed. When I first found out about this ministry and learned of the teachings, I thought this was a dream and a world imposible to reach. As my husband continues to learn the importance of laying his life down for me and lives ths teaching, my dreams continue to come true. My heart has been healed of many hurts I thought would never heal. Every day I live in expectation to see how my husband will treat me. His actions blow me away and this great change in our marriage is hard to believe. I have truly learned the meaning of being loved and cherished the way God had always intended for me. As we embark in a journey with the coming of a new baby into our lives. I am overjoyed to have the experience of my husband being by my side every step of the way. Due to my high risk pregnancy, my husband has over did himself by caring for the needs of myself, the kids and the responsibilities of the household. I never imagined being loved the way he has loved me and demonstrates daily by his actions. The battle and struggles to get where we are was worth the process,even though at times, I was in so much pain emotionally. Now we can enjoy the benefits without the pain and look forward to our relationship reaching new heights. Thank you Joel and Kathy for bringing truth into our lives and not holding anything back. You pulled us out of the pit, kicking and fighting, but we thank God we have turned the corner. We are forever grateful.

(Note to Joel: Done)

[JoelandKathy]

Thank you Celia and Heather! Keep 'em comin! Will ya'll ask your men to add their testimony too? Don't want just the women to be heard from in the book.

 

Thanks!

 

Joel and Kathy

[Miss Jane Bennett]

From Mr. Bingley

 

In 1976 I entered into a covenant with Miss Jane Bennet that I did not keep. I did not honor and cherish her, nor did I love her as “Christ loves the Church.” I ignored her pleas for help and her pleas for us to seek counseling. I thought that I had all the answers and that if she would simply be a loving wife our marriage would be fine! My anger and selfishness grew until Miss Jane could no longer bear it.

 

For over two years through the ministry of several counselors, culminating in an intensive with Joel and Kathy in May, 2009, the prayers and interventions of our dear family and friends, and Miss Jane’s dogged determination, God has brought about wonderful changes in my life. Jane was convinced that a life of misery was not God’s will for us. She could not continue to “submit and suffer” and enable me in my sin. After she found Joel and Kathy’s ministry in March, 2008, which gave her a voice, she firmly and lovingly spoke truth into my life as a faithful helpmeet. Jane would no longer settle for the crumbs I was tossing her or for the pride that kept me from laying my life down for her.

 

I am beginning to understand that my chief ministry on earth is to study my wife and know her, in order to sacrifice my life for her. For me to be the husband Jane needs me to be I must by God’s grace be the man God wants me to be. When I began to lay down my pride and prioritize Jane’s desires and needs, I began to love her with a depth that I did not know was possible. The love and acceptance that I have received from her in return have made the last several weeks the happiest of my life. Since I have begun truly loving Miss Jane, it has been a joy to see her blossom, to see her joy of life return, and to laugh with her as she shows her sense of humor that I had nearly forgotten she has.

 

A few weeks ago I was baptized. This month Miss Jane and I are seeking to become members of the church we have attended since the church met in a storefront. Today we celebrate the renewal of our wedding vows complete with new rings and a new date for our anniversary. Rejoice with us! To God be praise and glory!

 

Mr. Bingley

November 15, 2009

 

 

From Miss Jane Bennet:

 

On the day in March of 2008 that I found Joel and Kathy’s ministry, it was as if a ten ton boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. I had thought that I was the only one in the world who had a husband just like mine. And I thought I was trapped. My husband and I were even in counseling at the time, finally. But our counselor, though godly and well-meaning, had no clue how to help someone that did not want help. I began reading on the forum and discovering that there were people, women and men, who understood what I was going through. There were people who understood the truly biblical picture of a marriage and how to get there. I ordered the Davisson’s books, began writing on the forum, and had hope for the first time that God really could turn our marriage around and give us the joy He intended for our lives together. My husband rejected the books and the teachings at first, but 14 months later, in May of 2009, we finally made it to an intensive where he heard the whole truth for the first time, and we began our journey to an Outrageously Happy Marriage.

 

An excerpt from my first post, April 20, 2008:

 

Dear Joel and Kathy,

 

I have been married to my husband for almost 32 years. I have been unhappy in my marriage since the day after the honeymoon, the day I discovered that there were two “Mr. B.’s.” That was the only day that he has ever hurt me physically, but his anger and blaming and rudeness and neglect became the norm. I had no idea he was like this. We had not even argued about anything before we were married. He is charming and funny and makes friends easily, but he has no close male friend. He is an extremely private person--even much more private than most men. Until recently he has had no understanding of, nor desire to know how to sustain a relationship, either with me or with his now grown children. He is just starting to learn.

 

By the time we had been married for less than six months, my heart was dead toward my husband. I had no feelings for him at all. I felt abused and lonely, I was extremely unhappy, and I wanted out of the marriage. We both work for the same Christian ministry. Had I left him or separated from him, we would both have lost our jobs and ministries. In the early months of our marriage and over the years I tried to explain to him over and over again how he was hurting me and destroying our relationship. I begged him on many occasions to read a book or to go with me for counseling. He never would. So I went for counseling by myself several different times. The counsel that I received was well-intentioned but not the whole truth, and it kept me trapped in a situation that rendered me emotionally withered and eventually hopeless. I wish now that I had done something drastic years ago to get my husband’s attention.

 

A year and a half ago, after deciding that I had to do something more to try to save the marriage before I left for good, I forced “Mr. B.” into counseling using Matthew 18 principles. His choices were to go with me for counseling with a church staff member, or if he would not, the church board of elders would be told about our situation. Not wanting anyone to know about our problems, he agreed to go to counseling. But first he had threatened me with divorce if I did not give up the counseling idea. I told him he could do what he wished, but I was going to do the right thing. We went into counseling. Then followed an excruciating year of no results, more hardening on his part, and well-intentioned but untrained and ineffective (and sometimes very hurtful) counseling.

 

I just received your books and started reading them. I will ask “Mr. B.” to read them, too. I already asked him if we could attend one of your weekend intensives, and he said absolutely not, because he does not want anyone else knowing about our situation.

 

It will be a miracle if I could ever have feelings for him. He is still the last person that I even want to be with. I don’t know how long I can stay in this situation while I still feel nothing, and while I ache for a close relationship in which I feel love and feel loved.

 

 

In Christ’s unfailing love,

Miss Jane

 

============================================

 

More details of our story … for several years before we finally got into counseling together, I was in communication with a former boyfriend who called our home out of the blue and actually talked to Mr. B. before he talked to me. It turned into a long-distance emotional affair, via email and eventually phone. If someone had predicted to me that I would get involved in something like that, I would never have have believed them. But I understand now how vulnerable an abused, hurting woman is, and and how easily she can fall. My husband, even when he knew about the affair, was powerless to do anything because of his own sin. I couldn’t understand at the time why he wouldn’t jump in, even when I asked him to, and do what it took to woo my heart and put our marriage back together.

 

In June of 2008, while we were with counselor # 3, the Lord answered my prayer that any hidden things would come to light. I had been told by one of the forum helpers that my husband’s profile looked like that of a sex addict—an extremely private person, avoiding any relationship, lots of anger and blaming. There had been what I thought were random incidents of porn use. I was ignorant, naïve, and unsuspecting that it was a 40-year addiction, starting when he was a teenager. Mr. B. had experienced seasons of victory, even long seasons, but always fell back into sin because he never confessed to me or anyone else or got accountability and help.

 

He lost his job that summer, I had to change from part-time to full-time status, and we had to move. Right after he lost his job, there was a brief time of repentant humility. But then he quickly returned to his selfish, arrogant abuse.

 

A year later, in May, 2009, we finally made it to an intensive. It was there that the whole truth was presented to us for the first time. The scales began to drop from his eyes, and I received great encouragement in my role as the helper. The unique support system for couples after the intensive—the conference calls, the forum, and the DVD’s--was a life line that made continued growth, progress, and success possible.

 

Mr. Bingley dragged his feet in laying down his pride and dying to self. His defensiveness, selfishness, and arrogance were driving me to a point of insanity. There was a lot of healing to do, and he was not willing to do it, even though he finally had the tools in his hands.

 

This is a post that I wrote on the forum’s private section when I gave him one week to prove that he was going to work at healing our marriage, or I was filing for a legal separation.

 

==============================================

 

September 8, 2009:

 

I wanted to update those of you in the private section with exactly what is going on so you can pray effectively.

 

My dad is the one that got the ball rolling yesterday. When he met with my husband, he really blasted him. He wouldn't let up and wouldn't let Mr. B. get away with all his blame shifting and defending. He even said, "[Mr. B.], I don't understand you! You have a personality problem and a brain problem!" He prayed with him, and Dad's prayer was a continuing sermon of rebuke and incredulous imploring for help for a proud and clueless man.

 

Then my sons met with their dad last night. They did not want to have dropped the ball in helping their dad if a separation does indeed happen. They had no plan of what they were going to say to him. But as the conversation progressed, they felt that God gave them just the right words.

 

#2 son told his dad, "If I were about to lose the most important and precious human relationship I have on earth in five days, I would not spend those five days working my job. I would be at home on my knees asking God to change me." They talked to their dad about canceling his students for the rest of the week and spending the time in prayer, and Mr. B. was resistant to doing it. #2 son said it was a no-brainer to him, but to his dad, who has spent his whole life putting his job above his wife, it was a huge deal. Losing that income was a big part of the huge deal. But they kept pressing him with what was most important. Mr. B. even said that just giving up and quitting was a tempting option. He didn't think he was able to fix things and to win my heart. He told them he really didn't know what to do. It is hard for me to believe he could even say that. #2 son believes it is a combination of pride and radical cluelessness, despite all the teaching he has had, and the fact that Satan has a real stronghold in his dad's heart and brain. It is taking radical surgery and will be a lot of hard work with the help of the Holy Spririt, and prayers of other believers, to break those strongholds.

 

The boys gave him directives, which they were not sure he was going to follow, but he did. They asked him to contact a few close friends to ask them to pray with him this week. He emailed or called his three board members. The board member who is a pastor is coming over tomorrow morning to pray with him. #2 son was reminding me this morning that his dad's spending time in prayer before God will change him. It will open him up to the working of the Holy Spirit to do a real heart change.

 

The boys weren't sure even at the end of their conversation if he was going to cancel his students. But he sent emails to all his students last night and probably called today's students.

 

The boys talked to him about being baptized. He said he was open to it, but it didn't have to happen this week. #1 son said, "Why NOT this week?" If Mr. B. humbles himself enough to do this, it will indicate a true heart change.

 

I told Mr. B. I wasn't settling for anything less than a real, obvious heart change.

 

He called me this morning and asked if he could bring me lunch. When he came, he told me how he had spent his morning: on the phone with the pastor friend, with his sons, time in prayer, reading, and doing menial tasks that he could do while praying. (I hope folding laundry was one!)

 

The boys are each coming over to pray with him at various times, and they are checking in with him to hold him accountable to how he is spending his time. #2 son encouraged me to be at home as much as possible and give Mr. B. opportunities to connect with me.

 

So God used this triple-barreled attack to help Mr. B. see the seriousness of what is happening and get his eyes part way pryed open.

 

Am I blessed to have a dad and sons like this, or what?

 

I covet your prayers that God would indeed remove the strongholds this week and begin a miracle of grace.

 

=======================================

 

God did indeed begin a miracle of grace! An excerpt of a forum post that I wrote on March 27, 2010, briefly sums it up:

 

It is truly amazing ... looking back to a year ago ... we were signed up for the May intensive, and I was hanging on by my fingernails. Even after the intensive, Mr. B. resisted laying down his pride and loving me as Christ loves the church. But in September, he surrendered to the Lord, was baptized, and began to grow in Christlikeness by leaps and bounds.

 

I have been in the fireplace room/kitchen reading on the forum tonight. Mr. B. has been in his office working on taxes. A few minutes ago, he quietly brought all his stuff to the kitchen island and continued working ... to be near me. What a difference a year makes. What a difference a Godward heart makes. Thank you sweet Lord for all You have done and are doing in our lives.

 

===============================================

 

From Mr. Bingley:

 

I am forever grateful for Joel and Kathy’s ministry to us. In my mind there are two huge changes that their ministry affected in our marriage. First, the intensive debunked for me the false idea of male supremacy. This attitude is deeply ingrained in our society in both the Christian and the worldly communities. Second, my wife was given a voice and was enabled in her role as helpmeet to me. We learned that her needs are legitimate and God-given, and I began to learn from experience that there is great joy in meeting them. We praise God for this ministry that He used to bring me back to God, and to put us on the path of growing our marriage God’s way.

 

May, 2010

 

note to Joel: Done. Great testimony Miss Jane and Mr. Bingley. Any chance of you two being available to start helping on group calls?

Edited May 30, 2010 by Miss Jane Bennett

[Pure in Heart]

A LOVE STORY: FROM RUIN TO RESTORATION

 

My husband Joshua and I have been married 23 years. We met at Bible College....got married and continued our Biblical Studies after marriage. It only took a few days to realize, much to my horror, that he was an abusive, control freak. Joshua's weapons were deliberate and cruel. Among his arsenal were rejection, abandonment and controlling with rage to keep me bound up and under his thumb. He was profoundly spiritually abusive. The usual submit and headship teaching of the Church, sadly spewed from pulpits everywhere, came spewing out of his mouth incessantly and with a vengeance. The more I tried to meet his needs the more insatiable he became. My husband abused me in every way possible, he was intimidating, he would go silent for months at a time. He left me alone and would go on fishing trips every weekend. He was callous and cold. He would be condescending and treat me like a child. I had no voice, no opinion, no gift to bring of any value to him. I was married but ALONE. I was UNLOVED. He withheld finances from me, made all decisions unilaterally. I was not allowed to have money without permission from him. He was harsh and punitive with me and our children. We walked on eggs shells I lived in silence and a depression so deep, it overtook me for many years. My health began to deteriorate and what was left of our children could only be redeemed by a miracle.

 

In February of 2002, after 16 years of marriage, when our sons were barely 11 and 13, he walked out the door and abandoned his family for 6 years. How apropos that in the dead of Winter, he left me cold. The Winter would settle in for a long stay...in the deadness and coldness of his own heart. The events of my life during that time were sad and difficult....a dying father, caring for my mother and Down's little brother. My children began showing the effects of him leaving and the fall-out from his destructive behaviors. My 15 year old began cutting, using drugs and the whole court process and drug rehab began. My older son began to suffer from deep, profound depression. In their later teens they both ended up dropping out of school. My perfect, beautiful and innocent children were falling apart at the seams. I felt powerless. They were so broken over the condition of our family. I can still at times not fathom how I got through that. More than I ever cared about myself the pain of my children was unbearable. The loneliness followed as a close second. Without the truth of God's design for marriage I was floundering and unbalanced in mercy to my own detriment. I yearned for truth and knew someway, somehow He would bring me to it.

 

 

It was in April of 2008, already separated by now 5 1/2 years, I found Joel and Kathy's Ministry in one of those Holy and serendipitous moments only God could orchestrate. Their hearts were wide open and accepting of me. They heard my cries. They gave me truth. They could not believe my husband had strung me along that many years with threats of divorce and promises of reconciliation. I honestly did not know any better. I thought I was serving God and trying desperately to be a good, obedient wife. I blamed myself and lived under certain condemnation toward myself during that time. I felt honestly as if God were so disappointed in my rebellion and hated me. I was so torn inside all of the time trying to make sense of God's love for me and not being able to receive it. I blamed myself for our marriage problems. I was not skinny enough, smart enough, Godly or submissive enough, pretty enough. I was REJECTED. I was a shame and a reproach to my husband and God. This was slowly killing me inside and before long I started to disassociate. It felt like my mind was breaking apart into little pieces. Every part of my being strewn and scattered everywhere. Because I thought God blamed me I dared not expect His pleasure in me. I feared my cries fell on deaf ears. I hoped beyond hope that God was still there in spite of my fears and frailness of soul.

 

 

I ordered and read their first Book 4 times! The fragrance of heaven was all over me as I read and wept at its truth. I felt the burden of blame and false guilt lift off my shoulders. I knew I found the answer. I was not crazy. God had led me to the living waters. For the first time in my life and heart, I knew this was God. God had come to me, to deliver me. To be able to say out loud, what in the recesses of my heart, I had always known. Yet, because of false teaching, had never been given permission to speak of. God drew near to show me His heart and the Romance of the Ages...the heart of a Bridegroom for a Bride. At one reading of Joel and Kathy's Book, Living and Loving It, the Lord unfolded His glorious purpose for marriage. I was in. Whatever they asked, I would do. To be so lost and drowning in an ocean of desperation, their teaching was like the life preserver that would certainly rescue me. It was the air my soul longed to breath again.

 

I was terrified to give my husband the books because I knew that this would be my final stand. I was afraid of his anger and the arguments about "his rights" that would ensue. I knew that he never heard me. His anger shut down any coherent thoughts in my mind. I surely knew I would stumble over my words and look the fool to him. His fierceness towered over me like a monster, I only wanted to run from. No great wisdom from God through my voice would ever be heard. He is right. I am wrong. I learned NOT to communicate anything to him at all. It would always be detrimental to my emotional well being. I learned silence and agreeing with him was the only thing that would make the madness cease. My mind felt overwhelmed by fear at the prospect of him rejecting this message. I knew that I loved him so desperately that this rejection would be the final blow I could ever possibly withstand. I did not think for one minute I would survive. He had the power, I thought, to sentence me to a life of loneliness and being lost in a great big world with no one to love me, to care for me, to be strong, someone to watch over me. I thought, Lord how can I face such a future? I was made to love. I was the one who only wanted to be a good wife and mother. I wanted my two boys to be loved and accepted. I wanted their father to show them God's heart and all they were left with was shame and self loathing. My whole existence revolved around that dream. My dream was shattering right before my eyes and I had no control. I could not make it stop. I somehow KNEW (and that credit belongs to God alone), I had done all I could do. Beyond all the abuse I had allowed. Beyond all the lies I believed he told me about me. Before I came to this Ministry I did not know HOW. I did not know which way to go or what to do to realize my dream. I was drowning in hurt so deep I did not believe I could ever be made whole again. I did not even know who I was anymore. I had learned to define myself as a person by what he said, what he liked, what he disliked. I was just a shell of a human being. My dignity and worth robbed by his cruel tongue and incessant demands. The control. The horrid spiritual abuse. I never would be good enough. Everything was subject to his approval or disapproval.

 

I did give Joshua the Book. Long story short he threw it in the garbage and ranted and raved he would never reconcile unless I met his demands, demands he carried in his wallet and checked off as I met them. I never seemed able to meet the letter of his law. His law brought death and I was ready for LIFE. He rejected this message.

 

 

The light came for me. God broke through my darkness and questionings by bringing me truth. He led me to the answer through this very Ministry. Though God had to gently and tenderly open my clenched fists and barricaded heart of self protection; and ask me to surrender my marriage into His hands; He did not force me or rip my heart open against my will. He showed me that it was not God who had torn me to pieces but an abusive husband. The separation left me ruined and leveled inside. I hated and despised myself. I needed him to love me to be okay. To be a person. I felt I was no one without him. Since I believed his lies, who else besides him could ever love me? That is the whole central pain and desperation of my heart. I needed him to love me and he didn't. Not the way I longed to be loved. Not the way God created my heart in His perfect design. As His child, my dream had fallen short. Even though he claimed to love me his love was empty and void of true intimacy. It had been squandered on himself. His brand of love was made up of useless gestures, insults and broken promises. It did not seem fair that my heart reached out to be loved and I died inside, holding to a hope whose answer never comes. I tried and it still eluded my grasp. I believed God, I fasted, I prayed and the dream to be loved only moved further away.

 

This Ministry taught me that my heart does matter. That my path certainly had thorns. Only God knew the wounds I had endured. He saw the tears and sleepless nights. He knew the disappointments for the lives of my children(this pain alone goes deeper than any other). I learned I did not ask for this. I did nothing to provoke his assaults on my emotions and my spirit. The culmination of my life experiences and sadness could not be measured by his truth. God saw me. He saw my whole life in one moment of time. He knew the fears that drove me to the brink of insanity. He heard my cries for peace, for the confusion to subside. He heard me blame myself and doubt God's love for myself. He knew how my heart broke for the vows I made, that keeping Covenant was sacred to me. He knew the struggles and bruising from my childhood, my past. He knows it all. He even knows my heart tried to convince me not to trust the God I so loved because the lies of my husband spilled over into my portrait of God.

 

 

Two weeks after coming to J&K's, I filed for divorce for purposes of restoration and waited 7 months for the long divorce process to go through. I knew my heart had to let the unbeliever go. His actions had shown he was locked away in his pride and arrogance. God though wanted me to believe for restoration to keep my heart from bitterness or anger consuming me. It was a very difficult and an emotional time but the truth of joining with the Lord to recover his soul, gave me new found purpose and hope. No longer was I powerless to act, only a victim at the hands of another. NO!! I was created to be loved with a love willing to die for me. It was the balm of healing the Lord was applying to my soul. I would settle for nothing less. A love that is unconditional and its focus the heart of a broken Bride. That God created a husband, to lay his life down for me and cherish, nourish and nurture me into a glorious Bride without spot or wrinkle.

 

 

I am acquainted with questions. I asked myself, What does this mean Lord? I am afraid of where You taking me? I DO NOT want to go there. Please, Lord, NOT THERE. I said to God, Look its me. Look at my bitterness of heart and my strength has collapsed inside me. I am not strong God. I have no great faith. I have no perfect prayers. I do not possess those qualities I see in others. I am tired and have no ability left inside for what I fear you will require of me. I begged God not to take from me the man I loved. I wrestled with knowing my husband was slowly destroying me and wondered why I loved him? I questioned my sanity for such ridiculous thoughts. Why am I so afraid to let go of the very one who is harming me? I struggled with what that said about my faith. If I let go and let God have him, did that mean I was giving up in the eyes of God? Did it mean I fell short and that my love had no courage or perseverance at all? I judged myself mercilessly for my supposed weakness to believe God for the impossible.

 

I learned that as a help-meet, God wanted me to position his heart to be disciplined by the Lord, to be led toward genuine repentance. I had every reason and sound Biblical right to divorce him. He had abandoned me outright for 6 years. Even coming to this decision of divorce was so confusing and painful. I knew he would not ever "wake up" if I did not challenge his deceptions. For me, it was for God to restore and recover him. I knew I was really not divorcing him. He had already done that by his behavior. I did not want a divorce. I did love him. I knew he did not understand that the principles in God's Word. If he would reach out to God and obey, he could heal our marriage and my heart. To admit not having the truth and applying it was causing our marriage to perish.

 

I loved him but was still frightened at what I would do if he actually "woke up" and wanted to heal the marriage and win my heart back. God gave me peace and assurance that if that day ever came there would be no mistaking his changes. His change would be to obey God and make a decision to get on a journey of learning to lay his life down for me as God commands and learn to be a source of life instead of death to me. I would know, Joel said, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I let go and believed with all my heart God's plan would prevail.

 

I trusted in faith and let go of my husband into God's hands. My old marriage had to be surrendered and the old dream die for God to resurrect a new marriage. I learned that God does not revive the old things but He could and would by faith give me a whole new life with or without my husband. My husband dug his heels in those 7 months. I remained non-communicative and went completely "dark". This was a time of healing for me and to catch my breath again. For my husband, it would be a time of pressure and pain to hopefully awaken his heart again to Jesus.

 

His resistance and anger slowly turned to asking God different questions. He began to ask God for His heart and truth.

 

Though he was a lost, abusive and narcissistic soul, I knew God's grace could abound toward him if he was willing to walk this path. I knew that my husband was ignorant as I was on the truth of God's design for marriage. I had to give room for this grace. I knew if he had the truth and embraced it that God could change him. Yes, I was scared and uncertain but I trusted in God that if Joshua would truly lay his life down then my marriage would be completely different and new.

 

One night, in October of 2008, sitting alone in a two room apartment, divorce papers served, and a Court appointment looming in less than a week. He said he was asking God, What do I do, what is the truth? He ran to his Bible to read Ephesians 5:25. He said in moments of time,the scales fell off his eyes. He called me 5 minutes later. He asked me to meet him for dinner the next day as it happened to be my birthday. I was cautious and had some trepidation and would not agree until he gave me an idea of why. Well, the way he was talking to me and the understanding he had was unbelievable. He said, I relinquish all my demands, I only ask for a chance to love you again. We did meet for dinner the next day. I could barely believe what I was hearing. I was throwing every conceivable hurt and complaint at him and he merely sat there and wept, nodding in silent agreement.

 

I knew I had to give him a chance to stand or fall by the truth from that moment on. God without any doubt, had opened blind eyes. My miracle came suddenly or had it? It felt like that but the "yes" in my heart, I surrendered to God paved its coming. I was honored that God trusted me one last time to challenge my husband this time around and be his help-meet. This time it was God who bent down to rescue him from himself. He had need of me to get out of His way. It was me in my misguided attempts to love my husband that God made me realize. Until he faced God alone. Until God could say to him, as Job, Brace yourself, like a man, that he would ever see his own need for TRUTH and God's way, God's thoughts. No longer would mere flesh deal with him but God Himself.

 

I agreed to give him a chance. Two days later we sat like lovers swooning from delight outside the Judges chambers of our first hearing that would finalize the divorce! My lawyer even said, I looked different, beautiful and radiating! We were careful to hide our giddiness in front of my lawyer. I did tell her to put the divorce on hold. I kept it in play for 5 months only in case! I wanted Joshua to know, in no uncertain terms, that I would NOT ever go back to Egypt. It was an Outrageously Happy Marriage or nothing!

 

God is re-writing our history. He closed the very long chapters of my life and previous sorrows, and almost 6 year separation of a 23 year marriage. Behind the scenes God was changing my very sad ending into the likes of a fairy tale, allowing me the priceless gift of a happy marriage. God whispering to me...to be continued....

 

Part Two, included the miraculous turn-around of my husband. Not only has God restored my marriage but God so worked in my husband that when he "got it" it was at such an accelerated pace I am still stunned. I can not articulate how different Joshua is. I saw him change from a very arrogant, prideful man into the most giving and unselfish man I have ever known. He not only jumped into the deep with utter abandonment, he kept it up, consistent and loving with a very few upsets. He was moving right through every obstacle of his flesh as if it were not even there.

 

It is the one thing about my husband, God spoke to me about years earlier. God told me that Joshua was blind and full of pride but that He would so deliver him, take a battering ram, knock down every stronghold, and that as proud as he was, God would humble him. As stubborn, God would turn his heart to possess a tenacity in Him, he would not back down from truth. He would embrace truth and love it. As cruel and abusive, God would turn his heart to tenderness. He would be authentic and genuine, believable in others' eyes. God did all of it. I watched it happen within weeks of receiving this marriage message. Unbelievable you ask? It is true.

 

God positioned my husband particularly in a very demanding situation and circumstances. God has put so many tests in front of him, so much burden he could not do this without relying completely on Christ. I too truthfully, emulated Kathy. I wanted to walk circumspectly before Jesus. I wanted to take that same mercy and encouragement that I misused, by being too weak and allow God to let me be a good help-meet and respond warmly to him to cheer him on to the finish line. To pour on my husband the love and appreciation I felt for him, the deep respect for his sacrifice on behalf of my family and myself as I watched in awe Joshua slay his demons. Mostly of course, for treating me like a Princess.

 

Today our marriage is blessed and delightful. It is cheerful and content. We are closer to God than ever. We are so in love. Joshua is healing the hurt he put there by owning it and bringing closure to the wounds he inflicted. Never in my life would I have believed this would happen. No fighting, no division, no strife. Reconciliation has been so peaceful. It feels like falling in love all over again. I yell and vent, tell him how he hurt me and not ONE sound. He listens to my heart and continues to take full responsibility. I say some very truthful insights about him in conversations and his demeanor and attitude are consistently one of humility and acknowledgment of his character flaws and how (un)Christlike he has been. If he even thinks he may have done the smallest infraction he is quick to back track and start over to correct himself. He catches himself BEFORE I even need to mention anything. This is a miracle. I can see and feel with my spirit God pouring grace and humility all over him. He has never been so kind and affectionate all our married lives. It is something to behold. I feel more connected to my husband since J&K than in 23 years of marriage. He treats me like God's daughter everyday of my life. Not only is our marriage beautiful but our children are healing also. I continue to be awe. He went to my family and his and owned everything. He went to his sons and asked with tears to give him another chance at being a father. God even began to bless him and show favor in ways we could not have imagined. It is living under the shadow of the Cross. There is love and forgiveness. We are on the same page. One flesh.

 

I do not even recognize the man he is becoming. Like Paul, on the road to Damascus, he has turned around and it is real. His growth in understanding and applying these principles is amazing. I stand here and watch God just throw so many things at him and he is still not looking for the exit. Instead he is dying to himself and now looking for the way into my heart. He says, there in my heart, he will find God's heart and will. Loving me IS loving God. The pain and anguish is now like a distant dream. He is as Christ to me. Christ with flesh and bone on. I see Jesus in my husband. I am loved. Though love has conquered all, we pray we never forget the place God found us....we want our scars. I am in awe of God and my husband. He is the man I dreamed he could be in the loving hands of God. I am blessed and grateful beyond expression for God's kindness toward me. An OHM is in progress and we are living the impossible.

 

We have overcome by the Word of our testimony!! God has been good and subdued our enemies. I am forever grateful to Jesus Christ and to Joel and Kathy Davisson for the YES of their hearts to take the vision God gave them and share it with the broken. We owe them a debt of love the honor that is due them.

 

This is only the beginning!

 

My prayer for wives reading this testimony is though it is glorious to read the ending of our story; all the moments in between were filled with the same pain and anguish you feel in your marriage. You are reading this Book because you are looking for hope. For an answer. Listen to wisdom's call. You will hear her voice give you direction through this Ministry. I have tried a million things, all to no avail until J&K. I had no guarantee that my marriage would be healed. I had no promise that my husband would ever be changed. I also had no other place to turn or choice to make. God so wisely hemmed me in and gently led me to a crossroads. No matter which way my marriage ended up, He IS and always will be GOOD. He is good if my marriage was healed and God is still good by setting me free from the chains of abuse holding me. If I could not do it for me then I would do it for my children. They would see their mother, though beaten down, rise up in the strength of her God and say "NO MORE!" to tyranny. Perhaps they would one day learn something of a God who loves them too and could bring both mother and children out of Egypt together. My sons would learn the invaluable lesson that they could learn love and hate abuse in their own marriages one day.

 

I pray God's truth sets you free. I pray God's power gives you your miracle.

 

Because of Christ,

 

Kimberly

Edited December 15, 2010 by Pure in Heart
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[Pure in Heart]

Joshua's part coming soon!!

Edited May 20, 2010 by Pure in Heart

[dory]

From Nemo....

 

Once upon a time, there lived a happy little couple in a cozy little house in a

quaint little town. The young husband had rescued the his young bride from her

first loveless marriage and carried her off into the sunset to live happily ever

after. And so they did... for a month.

 

But as it always does, life carried on. And with their new love came two new

children to go with her two children from the previous marriage. Life began to

change for the happy young newlyweds. This was going to be tough but they

were sure they could handle it. All they needed was each other's love. He had

hers and she... well, she thought she had his.

 

But as time went on, the young bride's happiness days began to be clouded by

a distant and dark cloud. Her hero felt burdened with the demands of his family.

He spent much of their best weekend days away from her in the company of

friends. And yet there was something else that troubled her cherished marriage

too. Something she didn't quite realize in her conscious hours. Her happiness

was slipping away.

 

Years sped by and so did her dream of a blessed marriage. The young man

grew more apart from her and more attached to his friends, sport, and games.

With each escape he made to the role-playing fantasy worlds he and his friends

created he placed another brick in the wall he was building between himself and

his bride. And still she felt deep in her heart that there was something else

behind it all. Something dark and sinister that was the source of their

deepening separation.

 

Finally the days became intolerable. He would no longer even put up a pretense

of love for his bride. Nearly anything she wanted to do together was intolerable.

He rejected her heart's cry for intimacy and oneness every time she cried for it.

So she prayed... she prayed for guidance, she prayed healing, she prayed for

truth.

 

And God answered her prayers. He brought her a wise old couple to guide her.

Themselves a story of a broken marriage, Joel and Katrina had found

redemption for their marriage. They had received a secret from God that brought

them out of the ashes of an adulterous and broken union to the glory of an

outrageously happy marriage. It was a message they wanted to share.

 

God also brought some long hidden truths into the light. First, that the young

couple had cursed themselves by starting their marriage in adultery. Second

that the young man had been possessed by the demons. Since he was a teen

the young man had indulged the seductive but vile demons of of pornography,

sexual fantasy, and self gratification. They had all but consumed his ability and

desire to bond with his bride, to thrive in God's perfect design for unity.

 

The truth nearly destroyed them. What remained of her broken heart was

shattered. His fragile world of fantasy came crumbling down. But the light of

God's truth kept them alive. The young man, liberated from the darkness, was

now able to open his heart to the Holy Spirit. With the strength of the Spirit in

him, he found the power to defeat the demons, and they fled. The young

woman was finally justified. She was never the problem. The failure of her

marriage was not on her shoulders.

 

With the help of Joel and Katrina, that burden was taken down and opened up.

They helped the young couple sort through the various things inside. They

explained what was good to keep and what was not. The couple cast away old

habits, arrested friends, and old arrested ways of relating to each other. They

found the gifts that God had given to each of them as a wedding gift buried at

the bottom. Then they balanced out the load. He carried Christ-likeness,

understanding, and her heart, which he carried in his hands. She carried the

welfare of the children and the role of being a help-meet. The both carried love

and mutual submission.

 

Overtime the couple found that their new packs were not only light but pleasant

to carry and energizing. They still faced troubles. And some of them were very

daunting. For the enemy new that the young couple would now be strong

against his kingdom. His attacks were strong and one almost worked.

Demons of selfishness succeeded in separating the young man from his bride

and casting him in a hole of false righteousness and held her in a room of pain.

 

But now they had the Holy Spirit as their constant companion. At their lowest

moment, they whispered their prayers to him. And the Spirit rescued them and

the enemy's agents were defeated. And Joel and Katrina walked with them too,

arming them for the battles and helping them when they stumbled. And the

young couple were grateful and offered the same help to other young couples.

Today they walk on the Way, and along that way is a place called Outrageously

Happy, and the young couple, Dory and Nemo, are almost there.

[JoelandKathy]

Nemo's testomony story brought me to tears. Try reading it out loud. Might do the same thing for you. Maybe not. Maybe it was because we worked so hard and see the fruit.

[dory]

THank you Joel and Kathy.

 

Nemo has a gift for writing - fantasy or otherwise. I pray it touches others as it did you. Kay mentioned that it had great potential to hold a reader's attention because of the fantasy element/difference. I hope she is right.

 

As for me, I pray that this fairy tale really is REAL. Hey, maybe if Pixar picked it up, that would REALLY bless and validate this wife more than the writing of 2-3 books! Not sure if its good "food" for Dory and Nemo 2 (click here) though..... it IS death to self.... LOL!

 

God Bless you both.

 

ps - All the fun aside, Please know I DO love this fish, er ... man!

 

pps - Peter WAS a fish er man, right?

 

ppps - Puns are funs!