Testimonies for "Our Marriage is Our Happy Place!"

[maggie's jublee]

Thank you for posting this, it brought tears to my eyes too! I'm believing for God's best and for us to have a Outrageously Happy Marriage also! So glad that a friend shared this ministry with me! What a blessing and a great support system to walk with us!

 

Maggie

[Joshua 1:6]

For twenty years I kept my wife and two sons prisoners to my tyranny. I exacted control by using rage and manipulated them by means of my blistering anger. Nothing was about love; everything was about following my rules. I expected my wife to keep an impeccably neat house at all times and always be willing to have a sexual relations whenever I asked. The children were expected to always obey an endless set of rules, never have a voice except to say, Yes, Sir. I kept them all in fear of me. I silenced them. I broke their hearts and spirits. If they did not give me full submission, they would pay. I actually thought this is what the Bible taught concerning the husband/father role. My ego was so bloated and my heart so insecure, that I left them no choice. I was an abusive, control freak.

 

After 15 years of marriage I had beaten down their spirits. They collapsed under the weight of my disapproval and rejection. I could extract nothing more from them, so I abandoned them. My parting words to my wife were as follows, If you will not meet all my demands and stipulations, then you leave me no choice but to leave.

 

After 51/2 years of separation, Kimberly sent me a copy of, The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His. It was promptly thrown into the trash. Then I got a personal phone call from Joel Davisson. What an idiot, I thought, as I hung up on him. Nothing touched me, that is, until my wife changed. First, her crying and pleading with me stopped. As a matter of fact, she went "dark" and ALL of her phone calls stopped. I thought to myself, this is unusual. She is not an obsequious, blubbering mess. She is not even acting like I exist! This got my undivided attention. I have never seen her act this way before. Then a couple of months later, a courier came to my door with divorce papers to be signed. This rocked my world. She had grown a backbone, she had found her voice, she was protecting her life and the life of her children! I thought I was the center of the universe, and now I found myself feeling like an outsider. I was so confused at that point, What was happening?

 

I remembered God saying something about marriage in Ephesians, Chapter 5. I wanted to make sure I was correct about the part where the Lord commands the wife to bow in submission to the man of the house. So I quickly opened up the Word of God, and my eyes fell onto Ephesians 5:25. I was in shock. I was reading as if for the first time. It felt like a rapier was thrust into my heart. I received a revelation from the Holy Spirit at that very moment of what God's command was to the husband. God revealed to me that I had utterly and completely failed to love my wife in the same manner as Christ loves the Church. The scales fell off of my eyes, my blindness was removed. I had an epiphany.

 

For five minutes I sat in stunned disbelief. My heart was broken and contrite over the twenty years of scathing and onerous abuse. Pride and self-importance fled me. I picked up the phone and called my wife, even though a divorce court meeting was only two days later. A sweet, merciful, forgiving, and incredible woman answered. My first words to her were, I am asking you for another chance, I have absolutely no stipulations or demands. All I want is an opportunity to love you and serve you. I dedicate every breath I have, the rest of my life to bring healing to the many wounds I inflicted and joy to the sorrow I caused. With a tentative tone she said, Yes.

 

My decision was absolute, my resolve was firm, the truth took hold of me. I hit the ground running and never, ever looked back. It has been 20 months now, and I can not remember the last time we have argued or had cross words. Our marriage is blissful. At times, I would venture to say, pure joy. It is blessed by God because it is being lived out according to His true design. Thank you, oh, thank you, Lord. And thank you, Kimberly for standing up to me when I was blind and ignorant. If you had not held my feet to the fire, I honestly think I would have perished.

 

Looking back over the first few months of our new start, I can recall three lessons of paramount importance. First, was the understanding that my wife was not the enemy. My own personal demons were. She is an incredible, God-given gift to me. A helper perfectly suited to help me become a Christ-like husband. Secondly, I realized that it is pure agony to resist God's hand and resist the process of dying to self. It is far easier to face the truth of an abusive core, and fully embrace the death to a selfish life and to walk this out without compromise. Thirdly, thanks to Kimberly, I began to have a panoramic view of God's blueprint for the marriage relationship. As found in 1 Corinthians 11:3; I am to be the source of life and strength to my wife, and Christ is to be my source of life and strength. As I pour into my wife, Christ pours into me. My wife draws on me, and I draw on the Lord. What a stunningly beautiful picture.

 

Joshua

Edited February 23, 2011 by Pure in Heart
copy

[JoelandKathy]

Joshua and Kimberly, we are SO proud of you two! You are "Livin' it and Lovin' it!"

 

Here is a three part letter, concluding in a testimony that we just got today in e-email from a "Susan" - not of John and Susan.. different one. We get these kind regularly - this one stood out to us. Thought you all would like to see the "fast movers" -

 

 

Hi Kathy and Joel:

 

I came across your website and watched some of your videos, I am hoping and praying that this is my answer to prayer! I have a long story, so please bare with me:

 

I got married in 1979 and became a christian in 1980 and my (ex-husband) I wasn't sure if he was a christian or not. I had a damaged marriage with him for 13 years and we divorced 1992... verbal, physical abuse with my daughters when they were young. I went to church by myself and my girls until he told me he would divorce me if I didn't stop going.

 

I so wanted a Godly Christian marriage. In the mean time during all this, I was 24 and had an affair which lasted about 2 months. I went back to my husband but stopped going to church.

 

Over the years in the 80's I continued to have several emotional and physical affairs after that which were only for attention that I wanted. Then I met my current husband while we were both still married and we fell in "love" (ha ha) with eath other (of course for the wrong reasons).

 

We both left our spouses and divorced them to marry each other. That was in 92. Wow... now we have 2 damaged people together for all the wrong reasons. My current husband and I have been married now for 16 years with a lot of horrible baggage. I have 3 daughters from my first marriage and no current children from this marriage.

 

My husband was in the swing lifestyle with his previous wife which I was not aware of and found out after the first year. Due to my co-dependence on him and such a low self esteem, I stayed with him and even participated in it over the years of our marriage. I wanted out so bad and he even went as far as putting ads in saying it was OK with me if he did this without me.

 

There has been a big change in the past 4 years, but we still have no communication or hardly any sex. That is my fault also, menopause, and not really sure if God honors our marriage bed. Guilt, Guilt, Guilt!!! What damage I have inflicted on so many people.

 

My first husband passed away from a major heart attack in August of 2007. I never could get him to go to the doctors and take care of himself, he had an abusive past with an alcoholic family and physical abuse. He drank heavily and smoked 3-4 packs a day. He was only 50.

 

My life is in shambles and my current marriage I feel is at its last step. I have carried such guilt and shame in my life and also even knowing if I should have left this marriage since I felt God didn't ever honor it. My current husband and I have since repented and asked for forgiveness and have started to go back to church for the past 4 years.

 

I wrote a letter to my ex husband and asked for his forgiveness. I know now he always loved me just didn't know how to show it. He didn't want the marriage to end, but my selfishness and desires took over and I sinned horribly. My current husband is a controller and verbally abusive also, but it is mostly my fault and I am the one messed up since I had a horrible relationship with my father and a bad one with my first husband.

 

I am at my last step and if this doesn't work, I will probably file. I can't emotionally keep living like this. One time I felt I was having a nervous breakdown. We have a business together, so I can't leave.

 

My kids are all grown 30, 29, and 26 with families of their own and grandkids. We are even having a home built in Florida, ormond beach area. Was looking in the Palm Coast area first. I want to come to your seminar (intensive) but not sure if he will go. I have tried all the self help books, and tapes seminars etc... and he says if I have all those, I should be better than I am now.

 

Anyway, that is just part of my story, I could go on forever. I hope to meet you and I would love to talk one day. I am getting around on the site and just starting my first week. I am a very transparent person, my husband is not!! I pray the Lord will help us or break it up, I have prayed for many years on what I should do, but I have had no response from the Lord. My husband wants to write a letter to his ex spouse, but he hasn't done it yet. He is sorry for what he put her through, as I was my husband.

 

 

Thank you for your time!

Susan

 

Our reply to this first letter:

 

 

Hi Susan,

 

We have a plan "A" and a plan "B".

 

Plan "A" is for you to divorce. There is no reason on God's green earth for you and this man to stay "married".

 

Plan "B" is that we will help you. It will be long and hard - simply because you are in a marriage that was never God's will, plan or purpose. However, God is the God of a second chance. BUT - you WILL go through hell as this man fights tooth and nail to not change.

 

If his wife is single, then Plan "A" is for him to go back to her and be a good husband to her if he is capable of learning. All men are capable.. The question is, do YOU want to go through HELL anymore in HOPES that he will change? If yes, then contact us for help. If no, then just divorce him and be done with it.

 

Call us on our group call tomorrow night at ten PM eastern time... Monday night. Details are on our webpage at www.GodSaveMyMarriage.com

 

Post your letter and this reply at www.JoelandKathy.com /boards/ and use a fake name.

 

Order our books - even if you decide to go with Plan "A" - you will want the books for healing.

 

Whatever you do, don't make a "non-decision". That will BE a decision.. A decision for more years of hell.

 

 

Blessings!

 

Joel and Kathy

www.GodSaveMyMarriage.com

244 Pine Grove Drive

Palm Coast, FL 321643

386-206-3128

 

 

Susan's first reply:

 

Thanks for your reply... his ex wife remarried a month after we remarried. She is still married to her 2nd husband. I really want this to work. He can be a great husband as far as doing things for me and around the house, (i.e., cooking, laundry, cleaning, finances).... he really takes care of most things in our marriage.

 

I believe he is still very full of pride, and wants complete control. I would like to get the books. Are they included in the onlie program that I bought, or are they separate? If they are seperate I want to order them.

Thanks for your time.

Susan

 

 

Susan's testimony two and a half weeks later:

 

Dear Kathy and Joel:

 

I write this letter with tears of Joy and Thankfulness to God for his LOVE, MERCY, KINDNESS, and FORGIVNESS!!! Also to Thank you and Joel for sharing your married life with so many hurting and desperate Christian married women!! Since my first contact to you, we ordered the books, and have been reading them nightly.

 

It took 3 nights and a couple days to get through the first book! My husband has been on the Forum looking at some of the articles and found one that dealt with boys and their relationship with their mother. I always knew there was an issue that he had with women and now have realized, it started way way back for him as it did with me and my father. Once you get a complete understanding, as you discuss in your book, it is not hard to see why we act the way we do with baggage from both sides!! I have always known that he had an issue with pride, ego and he recently told me he would never, ever let any woman in his life treat him and control him like his mother did!

 

We had a "Damascus Road" experience a week agoas we fought while I was trying to get him to "GET IT"!! It was a comical moment when we think about it now and I know God was completely behind it. He became an instant changed NEW man after that. He is letting his guard down, I have slowly been letting mine down, trust is starting to come back, I now WANT to be with him physically! For the first time in years, he told me he is happy!! He has been treating me like I have always wanted to be treated!!

 

I am changing so quickly it is almost scary. We have talked about our past lifestyle, his life, my life, my hurst, disappointments, his adoption (another hurt when he found out he was adopted). He admitted about his lusting, pornography and talked about the battle he has had since he was young. We have had 2 set backs and when they happened, we couldn't believe how much grief we were feeling as we were going through them because we have been so happy with each other, it was like losing a part of us as we fought.

 

We quickly made up and instantaneously started quickly right back where we left off!! He asks me daily how I am physically feelling and emotionally what is in my heart and do I want to talk about anything!! When he does that I can't think of anything to talk about. He is listening to my heart!! When we were fighting and having a miserable lilfe, screaming, cussing, yelling, I wanted to talk all the time. We both have been in total shock on how simple this has been for us!! If anyone knew my husband like I do, they would say, forget it, this will never work.

 

We have always known that God has had a ministry somewhere for us, but never knew what it was. I have always known that since 2003 when the Lord spoke to me and told me 2 words..... "BE PATIENT"! I will never forget that day, standing outside in the rain, crying with my face lifted to the heavens telling the Lord, I'm done.... I don't want it anymore, I'm divorcing him. I was very very serious! In my inner spirit, he told me to "BE PATIENT".... that is the ONLY reason I stayed for the next 7 years. I know God led me to your website since I had it in my mind that this was the last ditch effort. PRAISE GOD!!!! I am living relaxed, happy and totally a different woman since reading your book. We are on the 2nd one and hope to come to the August Intensive in Florida.

 

He still has some questions, but I believe he is being very serious and not doing this with a wrong motive attitude! I know there may be some setbacks, and I REALLY need to learn how to deal with them. I can't keep pressuring him to be perfect. I am trying to do my part in praise and telling him how great a job he's doing. THIS is the way marriage is suppose to be!! Thank you again for your transparency and willingness to help others. I pray one day as we walk this out that the Lord will use us too in the same way!!

 

In Christ's LOVE!!

Susan

[Eeyore]

We missed the deadline, but would like to send one if there is still time (extended deadline?).

 

Sorry for not getting to this earlier.

[JoelandKathy]

We missed the deadline, but would like to send one if there is still time (extended deadline?).

 

Sorry for not getting to this earlier.

 

 

absolutely! Just post it here! We are in chapter 20 editing now.. the new edition is going to be like WOW!!! It was already GREAT and it just got even better!

[JoelandKathy]

This is a post from Mrs. Clean:

 

 

Hi Jean,

 

Your husband sounds like my ex husband. We did not date without the sex...we were weak in that area. However, my ex felt that he needed to teach me what he knew.

 

I was a sunday school teacher, writing for my church newsletter and going every sunday and any other time there was a function. I was reading my Bible and studying the word and pursuing a relationship with God when I met him. I had been a Christian for most of my life. I too was married before. I was strong in my relationship with the Lord.

 

Along comes this man who SAID he was a christian. He didn't go to church, didn't live a life that showed me by the fruits that he was a christian, but he SAID he was. He was a member of the seventh day adventist church. He had all of this knowledge of prophecy and he knew it backwards and forwards. He would talk about it, and it would totally stump me. Everything I knew about God was about a RELATIONSHIP with him, I was not an expert in prophecy. So, my ex intimidated me to no end about that stuff. He told me I should stop eating certain things, should stop working on Saturdays, should stop many things that I was doing. He wanted me to stop going to my church, where I felt at home, and go to his...even though he never went. Of course, I listened to everything he said, and did what he asked because I was in love with him. I was lonely and I wanted very much to have that christian husband that I had always dreamed about. So, when he told me that he wanted me to stop wearing makeup, and stop watching TV and movies (even though he continued), I just did it. He told me not to let my 9 year old watch TV or movies or play video games on sabbath, and I did it. He told me not to do housework on the sabbath and I did it.

 

I wanted so badly to serve my Lord with my husband. So I did everything, believing that my power as a christian wife would bring my husband around, and help him to understand all I knew about RELATIONSHIP with God. Nope. My ex stayed focused on the rules and the doctrine and the black and the white. He never wanted to know about my relationship with God or how he could have one....because it would shed light on the fact that he'd never had one at all with God. He was living a life entrenched in sin and deceit and a relationship with God would make all of that other stuff impossible.

 

The abuse went on and on until I found this ministry and put a stop to it. I filed for divorce (because he wasn't receptive to change) and he tried to work with the ministry for a while but eventually blew up. My divorce went through. I was so sad. I still loved this man and knew that deep in his heart he loved God, but he just was so twisted in his ideas about God...his desire for the law was stronger than his desire for a relationship with the living God. But, God is good! He brought my husband back around again...and we are trying it one more time. My husband is broken now...and God has shown him his NEED for a relationship with God. No more are there discussions about the law and how I am falling short. No more are there rules that I must follow...silly things that I can't ever find in the Bible. There is a constant focus on a relationship with the Lord.

 

Now, when we talk about God, my husband listens to ME. He hears what I'm saying and is open to it. He realizes that because I am a woman, I have a unique perspective about relationships that he doesn't have. That follows through to my relationship with God. So now, he is learning from me!

 

This all happened because he did finally open up to the teachings in these books...which actually DO come from God. He went to two intensives, and finally understands what it means to be a Godly husband. It doesn't mean that he coerces me to see his point of view. It means that he listens to me, and lives in understanding with me, and lets GOD do all of the work in my heart...and his.

 

Your husband can do this, too. I am praying that he reads the books, and the scales fall off of his eyes!

 

Take Care,

Julie

[JoelandKathy]

July 30, 2010 posted by Jeff of Jeff and Heather:

 

Heather inspired me to write this yesterday while she was hosting the phone call.

 

Some of you might be asking......

What does a healing marriage look like?

Before we can really see that, we need to see what a broken marriage looks like. In our case, our marriage was in a shambles. I would ignore Heather for days on end. I would pick fights with her in order to make her look crazy. I cheated on her physically and emotionally. I looked at pornography, I self gratified. I was hurt, bitter, and resentful.

 

By now you may have noticed a trend with what I just wrote. Look at all of the "I" statements. Where was my focus? You guessed it, it was all about me. Over the last two years as my focus has shifted towards my wife, our marriage is vastly improved.

 

In our marriage now, my wife no longer looks crazy. We are able to talk to each other without yelling, screaming, and throwing things. Early in our journey, it felt like I was losing everything. It truly felt like I was dying. Even though I didn't like it and didn't want to admit it, I was slowly growing and changing.

 

The first thing that I had to die to was running away from my wife both emotionally and literally. To a non-passive man, that doesn't sound like much, but in my case it was extremely difficult. Of course, I stayed put, but I was standing there defending my actions and arguing with my wife. By doing this, it didn't heal heather's heart. It hurt her even more. So guess what step two was. That's right, keeping my mouth shut and stop being defensive. It took about a month or two for me to get to where I could listen to her vent and actually respond in a more christlike manner and offer apologies when needed. It has been about 16 months since our intensive now. I honestly can't complain about anything at all. Our marriage is happy. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Heather and I can talk to each other about anything, even if we have differing opinions we don't spiral out of control. We love spending time together, we enjoy each other. We laugh together. We love each other.

 

So to answer the question. What does a healing marriage look like? In our case we are starting to get to that mutual submission. We take each other's feelings into consideration. We both do things for the other. I do things for Heather now because I want to be a blessing to her, not to make her look like a control freak and the bad guy in the marriage. She does things for me now because she wants to bless me. We look out for each other. If one of us isn't feeling well, the other one takes care of them. I believe that is what God had in mind in the first place. A true "one flesh" relationship. We aren't perfect, nobody is, but I can say that we are as far as the east is from the west from where we were when we found Joel and Kathy. God can do miracles in your marriage. All he is asking is that you become the man that He is calling you to be.

 

God Bless,

Jefff

[JoelandKathy]

Please post your testimonies in your "regular" praise report topic - and then copy and paste it here if you would like to see it in our next book "Our Marriage is Our Happy Place!"

 

Mrs. Clean and Jeff's testimonies and any other we missed are the start of testimonies for "Our Marriage is Our Happy Place!"

 

If you would like to see your testimony in the next book, be sure to post it here!

[Kay]

So we have updated this section to reflect that we are working on "My Marriage is Our Happy Place!" Please put your testimony first in your regular praise report topic -and then put a copy of it here! This makes our job more easy when the time comes. Thank you!

 

I'm a bit confused. IF we gave you our testimony for Livin it and Lovin it, do you want another one for this book? Or, do we give a different type of testimony, in other words, how we are living differently, where as before, it was more our journey?

 

I guess I need more clarity as to what you are looking for.

Thanks,

Kay

[JoelandKathy]

I'm a bit confused. IF we gave you our testimony for Livin it and Lovin it, do you want another one for this book? Or, do we give a different type of testimony, in other words, how we are living differently, where as before, it was more our journey?

 

I guess I need more clarity as to what you are looking for.

Thanks,

Kay

 

 

We don't need another one from those who are in the new edition of Livin' it and Lovin' it - by the way, you can order that now as we are out of the original and the new edition will be here next week!

 

Your particular testimony was a dateline one - which is cool.... but down the road - maybe six months - you can do another one here that is more of a story for the new book. Plus - you will have a "one year later" story from the time that your story came out in Livin' it and Lovin' it!

[Kay]

down the road - maybe six months - you can do another one here

 

So, in other words, you are thinking, that we should be at that "happy" place in about 6 months! Okay, Joel, I'm holding you to those words! :!:

 

Kay

Edited July 22, 2010 by Kay

[JoelandKathy]

Absolutely! - if Bob will intentionally increase your Oxytocin!

[Kay]

if Bob will intentionally increase your Oxytocin!

Well, I'm trying to try to try to get him to do just that, but can't do it alone! Just hope I don't end up in a psyche ward before the 6 months is up. Edited July 22, 2010 by Kay

[dory]

Hey, I feel another acronym coming..... IHOP.

 

Increase Her Oxytocin by Pursuing!

[Guest Mrs.Clean]

increase her oxytocin by PASSION!

 

For BOB!

 

I love you, Bob and Kay!

 

Can't wait to see you in a few weeks!

 

Love,

Julie

[Kay]

and desire, and longing............. the list goes on and on and on..... I think I need to get a t-shirt that says, "oxytocin deprived"

 

Sorry, Bob, okay, I admit, that WHEN he initiates and pursues, he is passionate! It's just the when doesn't happen often enough!

 

Okay, sorry to derail.... back to the subject on hand.............

 

TESTIMONIES NEEDED FOR NEW BOOK!!!

[Kay]

Please post your testimonies in your "regular" praise report topic - and then copy and paste it here if you would like to see it in our next book "Our Marriage is Our Happy Place!"

[son-worshipper]

What's the deadline for new testimonies for the new book?

[dory]

What's the deadline for new testimonies for the new book?

 

Oh SW, I love your dry wit. come ON, JDI, let's git 'er done before the printer gets cold! Smile!

[JoelandKathy]

The acronyms are GREAT!!!

 

Would everyone use this in posts when it fits? Would love to hear people using those!

[dory]

I realize this might be out of context, since Nemo and I are together...

 

 

But, in the early days of our recovery when we struggled fiercely, and I refused to talk to him him for sometimes 2-3 days at a time, I would actually SAVE the voice messages that he would leave on my phone. I still have about 6 of them! The first one starts out like this:

"Boy when you say you don't want to talk, you really MEAN it. So, I guess that mean's I'll just hafta have a one-way conversation ... i was thinking of you and I felt I have something that I needed to say. But its so easy to say it, so maybe I should sing it (then Nemo breaks into song with) "I just called, to say I love you... etc etc"

 

I really needed to have him pursue me in a way he never had during our courtship. For me, this was very healing for our otherwise passive relationship where he was more focused on his porn and gaming buddies than me and 'us'.

 

A few other songs he sung on other voice messages were:

 

You are so beautiful to me..

I'm in the mood for love...

The way you look tonight ...

Deeper than the Holler'...

Forever and Ever amen ...

 

Now I have my own little collection in my "saved messages" sung by Nemo ... to listen to anytime I need a "lift".

 

I would venture to guess that every wife would save something that would required him to step outside his box too.

[MaryJane]

Beautiful! An extremely RIGHT thing for a husband to DO!

 

This should be posted all over the boards!

 

In context, or out of context.

 

This is my immediate reaction.

[preciousone]

Just saw for the first time the interview on Daystar! (Better late than never ) I LOVED it! It was fabulous! Joel and Kathy did such a great job. You are both so articulate too! Impressed!

[JoelandKathy]

Thank you!