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Well...the Lord has been preparing me for this day - in sort of a hardening of the

arteries kind of method, or a toughening of ones feet, or a gymnasts callouses manner.

 

Anyhow, S has been having huge issues with her computer...she's been hacked so many times

that we've lost count. I mentioned that she showed up at my work the other day...

sweet girl was exhausted and spent. Between the negotiations and the interruptions

with her computer, she was a bag of nerves. I went back over today (with permission)

and worked on her computer again for 1.5 hours and got it working. Ran the Webroot and

recovery processes and when i called her at 10pm...it was running well enough that she

was back online....

 

Which brings me to the point where God has been toughening me up...sort of like learning

to take a punch to the face...or getting the wind knocked outta you. At first your world

goes black and you wanna die, but after a few punches or jabs to the solar-plexus, you

begin to realize that you'll live...well, tonight...i lived.

 

In almost an intentional display, S had received a hand written letter from a gentleman

in India. The letter was laid out next to my pile of bills...it was written in multi-colored inks

and penned by hand and full of hearts, "love"..."destiny"...."God's gift"...

and other very enraputured language. He spoke of their short history, the depth of

their connection, and his intentions on visiting and being her true lover. It was very

hard to read...but since i brought this upon myself...i figured i would just have to deal

with it...

 

So tonight...i am dealing with it; it's my reality and my future. I'm gonna take a few days

and pray this out...i am going back to the reasons we (i) are in this situation and it all

boils down to me being a horrible husband...full of deficiencies, insecurities, and immaturities.

 

The seeds that i sowed during those lonely years for her has matured into a crop...a

relationship that had its roots in the final months of 2010. I own this failure, not her. I

caused this and pushed her into the connection...it was my abandonment and failure to

truely connect to her in my efforts for reconciliation and restoration that brought forth

this horror.

 

And for that reason...i'm gonna take a few days and just consider life.

 

Please include me in your prayers...i lack wisdom and understanding and ask for it now.

 

In Christ,

 

Michael

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I'm sorry Michael. PERSERVANCE . . . is the only word that sings in my heart right now at this moment for you.

 

Good post to 1SM by the way. At least he's posting! He will respond well to you I think. It was a very "gentle" post. I'm glad you are there encouraging him!

 

You are in my prayers.

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Looney, sister...the honor is all mine!

 

Michael, thank you for swinging your sword on my behalf. I love you for it. :wub: I just wish I thought he'd listen. :huh:

 

I'm gonna leave this one in God's hands Loo...my desire is always to come along side my brothers...

condemnation free...guilt free...full of grace, but a vision and calling to fulfill. They

must know that they are called to a purpose driven life...right here! Not in "someday land", but

here; where their wife and kids are hurting and waiting for them to get into the fight! I used

my bestest 'gentleman-like' grammers and just allowed the Holy Spirit to chat...the seeds have

again been planted...let's keep 'em watered!

 

Thank you for allowing me to share in your trial...

 

In Christ,

 

Michael

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Men...

 

you must listen to Daily Audio bible today...if you've given up on your marriage or feel you may never be able to restore your marriage, or just feel like God just can't breath life back into you and get you to that place where your wife needs you to be....please listen!

 

http://www.dailyaudiobible.com/Groups/1000043454/Daily_Audio_Bible/Hidden_Home_Page/Listen_Now/Listen_Now.aspx

 

Guys....please listen to the May 20th, 2011 reading and listen to Brian's discussion at the end of the reading time...his prayer for us all is just dead-on!!

 

God Bless,

 

In His Image

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Hey family,

 

just checking in...spent a little time away on the personal front to consider things

and sort out where i'm at...thought i had it figured out til today...

 

i called the house at 2:30 to prep the kids to get ready; i was gonna pick 'em up at

3:30 and then head over to my house for dinner and homework. Come to find out, S

was gone at a counciling appt...her mom couldn't show today so our 10 year old

was watching the 4 & 6 year old...is this even safe????

 

I called back at 3:00 pm and while on the phone, S called me from a strange #. She

ran out of gas on the freeway and hiked it to a local business and called me. She

had to cross a 1/4 mile field and ended up at a funeral business...i picked her up

within 10 minutes of that call...but something wasn't right.

 

Guys...my S was a mess...she has clothes, but was wearing totally torn up jeans...

i could see her whole thigh..is this in fashion? Then she wasn't making any sense...

just mumbling on about a road-rage incident and her need to pick up our oldest from track

practice. I made a quick plan to solve the situation (cuz that's what i do well..)but

when i tried to talk with her, she just argued. Finally i had to ask ..."S, when was

the last time you have eaten anything?". The normal answer would be, "oh, breakfast

or lunch"...but her's was..."what day is it?"...i immediately pulled into a Quiznos

and ran in for food.

 

S has a wheat allergy. We have known it for years...i have always encouraged a wheat

free diet, (buying a lot of salad and spelt/flax bread), but she barked at me like

i didn't know. No biggie, but odd. i assured her that i would make the right choice...

 

When i came back to the car, she was listening to the hip-hop station and there was

weird spirit in the air...this wasn't my S...it was not right. I flipped the station

to our christian station and immediately she perked up. I gave her the salad and she

devoured it...guys, i am seriously concerned.

 

We picked up our son at 4:01 pm....right on time! We swung around and got the car gassed

up...she drove mine back to the station and i fueled her car and got it running; we met

at the station and i filled her car.

 

The whole thing was surreal; i was very happy she choose to call me for help, but is

she just using me? She knows i'll always show and provide/protect her, but where is

her heart? Where has SHE gone???? Her PTSD is on full tilt; hives, eyes have broken

blood vessels...the works. I'm worried for her... i pray for her, but it's as if she

has blocked me from her life...guess that's what divorce is...

 

anyhow, thanks for listening. I'm confused about where to go from here; we have my

son's track meet tomorrow...I'm gonna need God's peace for that!

 

Good night,

 

Michael

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Very difficult times. Sounds like she is in a manic phase of some sort, or she is using.

 

Has she struggled in the past with self-medicating using street drugs to quiet the noise in her head? BTW, what has caused the PTSD?

 

Can you have a private conversation with your son to get his take on his mom's behavior? Let him know what happened yesterday while he was at practice and ask if he has noticed anything different about his mom. Let him know that you have the best intentions, and you are not seeking for him to be disloyal to her in any way, but if she need greater help, that you want to see that she gets it.

 

I would be concerned for your kids safety, if she is lacking in judgement concerning their care and having a profound shift in her personality and actions and behavior.

 

Is there anyone else in her life that is safe for you to have a conversation with about her: like a friend or her mom. This obviously is tricky, but if you come at this from the compassionate place of concern for her and her safety, they might have some insight or information to offer, without betraying her confidences.

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After finalizing his divorce from my sister, my brother in law went loopy too (he is a sniper in the marine corps and has been to Iraq quite a few times). One night, his son said to him, "my sister won't turn off the tv and go to bed." My brother in laws reply was "but she is too young to drive." He looks confused but over and over repeated that phrase. My nephew thought it was funny but he is only 9 and didn't realize that something was seriously wrong. My brother in law was terrified to drive even because of these bouts of confusion.

 

I don't know if he figured out what caused it, whether it was PTSD, his blood pressure medication, or possibly a brain tumor (his family has a history of them) because if something goes in his medical records that show he may be incapable of performing his job he will get fired. Understandably because the life of other soldiers are in his hands.

 

It cant hurt to follow up on this for her safety and your children's safety.

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Michael, I agree with the others. I'm VERY concerned about S's behavior, and much as you love her and want to rescue her, your children need to be your primary concern. From what you've described, it seems as if her judgment is questionable at best and could be downright dangerous at worst. Please swallow your feelings and do what you have to do to make sure your kids are safe. I'd follow Firewalker's suggestions first, but if you don't get anywhere going through family and friends, you might need to call CPS. It would suck, but you'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened.

 

Praying . . .

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Firewalker,

 

Thank you for your input...i'm gonna go with "manic phase". At this point, her family history

is more inline with that (mom was manic depressive, and battled schitzophrenia...unofficially).

S has never been the pharmaceutical type; she was anorexic in her mid teens...hospitalized at 78 lbs...

 

Years later she was raped and beaten at 20 yo...i met her shortly after and became her protector/boy

friend, and ran off the guy who was the terrorist when no one else would stand up to him.

 

Very difficult times. Sounds like she is in a manic phase of some sort, or she is using.

 

Has she struggled in the past with self-medicating using street drugs to quiet the noise in her head? BTW, what has caused the PTSD?

In May 2009, we were nearly 5 months pregnant with kiddo #5...S

was violently, sexually assaulted in the ER at the local hospital...she was in for kidney stones. The

man was convicted and sent to prison for 7 years...he ended up back in our town 2 weeks ago and attaked

another young lady...she has never used street drugs of any type...not a drinker or a smoker. But she

starves herself when life is outta control.

 

Can you have a private conversation with your son to get his take on his mom's behavior? Let him know what happened yesterday while he was at practice and ask if he has noticed anything different about his mom. Let him know that you have the best intentions, and you are not seeking for him to be disloyal to her in any way, but if she need greater help, that you want to see that she gets it.
i can do this...he loves his mom and wants the best for her too; he has asked me if mom is getting better and recognizes

that she really needs a couple of years to heal. I'll pray for the right words and spirit; the hardest

part is that S has abandoned the role of parent, and taken on the role of "best-friend" with the kids...

so it may be difficult.

 

I would be concerned for your kids safety, if she is lacking in judgement concerning their care and having a profound shift in her personality and actions and behavior.
...this is where i'm at...

 

Is there anyone else in her life that is safe for you to have a conversation with about her: like a friend or her mom. This obviously is tricky, but if you come at this from the compassionate place of concern for her and her safety, they might have some insight or information to offer, without betraying her confidences.

Negative; they all see me at the evil ex who is out to take the kids and stop paying child support. I wouldn't even consider asking her cohort. Her mom is the source of the paranoia (sorry if you missed that in my thread, but mom was certain that i was attempting to kill S at one point)...her friends are the

source of the divorce momentum...the majority (4/5) are divorced at least once.

 

I just need to pray and seek God's council...and call CPS for some information.

 

Thank you sister...

 

Michael

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CMarie,

 

The more i hear about PTSD the worse it gets. I can tell ya stories of soldiers who suffered from

PTSD and it didn't go well. ... :mellow:

 

I don't know if he figured out what caused it, whether it was PTSD, his blood pressure medication, or possibly a brain tumor (his family has a history of them) because if something goes in his medical records that show he may be incapable of performing his job he will get fired. Understandably because the life of other soldiers are in his hands.

 

It cant hurt to follow up on this for her safety and your children's safety.

Absolutely!! i'm on this...thank you for the encouragement

to seek addtional help. The kids' safety is paramount and her healing

is essential...

 

God Bless,

 

Michael

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Looney,

thank you... :blink: You read me like a book...but i'll do the right thing for the

kids...

 

I'd follow Firewalker's suggestions first, but if you don't get anywhere going through family and friends, you might need to call CPS. It would suck, but you'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened.Praying . . .

 

You are right...i couldn't ...

 

In Him,

 

Michael

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God is so good! Weekend w/the kids

is going great ...we hikes Little Si

Yesterday and got really muddy :-)

and this am we are headed

To church then the science center. Thank

You for your prayers and intercession...I

Can feel God holding us!

 

Making homemade pizza tonight and

Playing board games...funtimes!

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Nothing like kids and mud! :D

 

You'll laugh at this - my kids invented a game called Mudball. It involves 2 teams, a soccer ball, and Ashley's horse. It's played in a mostly flooded pasture after a hard rain. The kids start kicking the ball, and then Rascal will run in and kick it too. Extra points if you get sprayed with mud by a running horse. :rotfl:

 

I'm just glad they're all old enough to do their own laundry. :rolleyes:

 

How is S. doing? Any improvement? I'm still praying . . .

Edited by Looney_Tunes
typo
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Hey there Loo!

 

Nothing like kids and mud! :D

...two of God's greatest creations! ::clap ::clap

 

You'll laugh at this - my kids invented a game called Mudball. It involves 2 teams, a soccer ball, and Ashley's horse. It's played in a mostly flooded pasture after a hard rain. The kids start kicking the ball, and then Rascal will run in and kick it too. Extra points if you get sprayed with mud by a running horse. :rotfl:

....do is sense a movie???? This sounds crazy funny! I wanna play :P

 

How is S. doing? Any improvement? I'm still praying . . .

 

Well, i had the kids for thursday night and through the weekend, she didn't surface until late Sunday night. Thursday night was "girls night out"; apparently, most of her girlfriends (including her) have May birthdays, so they chose to go out Thursday night. S didn't drive...she was picked up by a friend. When i did hear from her on Sunday, she said she had went out to dinner at the Melting Pot, spent a couple of bucks but then contracted a stomach flu and had been in bed for 3 days...

 

So...i don't really know how she's doin. When I asked if there was anything i could do to help her with her flu symptoms...soda, crackers, come and do laundry, keep the kids?? But she said she had recovered and was looking forward to seeing the kids on Monday... dropped them off and she was dressed to the hilt...looked smashingly fine :blink: ....maybe she just wanted to clean-up since having been sick. :unsure:

 

i would really like some feedback on this; while over at the house, came across a SD memory card for the camera...S said it would be okay if i took it and made copies of the picks for my own records. When i got home, i downloaded about 2000 pictures from 2009 onward...about 300-400 of them were glamorous pics of her...dressed in a casual sexy style, make-up to the hilt, and hair totally glammed out! This girl was smokin! No doubt about it...she had taken hundreds of pics of herself since early 2010 on this card...those pics weren't for me...we were married but they weren't for me. I actually didn't even recognize her in may of the pics...and then i just broke down and cried... :(

 

Loo...i don't know S anymore...don't know for whom the pics were for...don't know who the 3500+ FB friends are, and frankly...its done. The will to want to restore is escaping me like vapor on hot pavement...i pray for her daily...i help her every chance i get...but there's nothing there but her disregard and disinterest.

 

My hope is that her support is there to care for her, but i don't know; we don't talk. I try, but there's always a reason to brush me off...i'll keep praying. God always is there to listen...

 

G'nite,

 

InHim,

 

Michael

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Hello Michael,

 

I thought I would drop in and comment on your last post. (until Loo can get here)

 

i would really like some feedback on this; while over at the house, came across a SD memory card for the camera...S said it would be okay if i took it and made copies of the picks for my own records. When i got home, i downloaded about 2000 pictures from 2009 onward...about 300-400 of them were glamorous pics of her...dressed in a casual sexy style, make-up to the hilt, and hair totally glammed out! This girl was smokin! No doubt about it...she had taken hundreds of pics of herself since early 2010 on this card...those pics weren't for me...we were married but they weren't for me. I actually didn't even recognize her in may of the pics...and then i just broke down and cried... :(

 

Loo...i don't know S anymore...don't know for whom the pics were for...don't know who the 3500+ FB friends are, and frankly...its done. The will to want to restore is escaping me like vapor on hot pavement...i pray for her daily...i help her every chance i get...but there's nothing there but her disregard and disinterest.

 

You KNOW she knew where those pictures were. Just maybe, she wanted you to find them. Women want to be reminded how beautiful they are, "the little girl that dreams" is still very much alive. Maybe this was her way of "looking in the mirror" as self assurance. Maybe the pictures weren't for you they just might have been for her. When women leave an abusive relationship one of the first things they want to do is "fix themselves". My wife went out bought clothes to make her feel better, traveled to all kinds of places to exercise her independence. Just a thought...

 

3500+ FB friends? What kind of relationship can you have on line and who has the "quality" time needed for 3500 friends?

 

What I am getting at Michael is we can ONLY ACT on what we KNOW. Speculation must always remain as such and NEVER become reality in our imaginations. I KNOW this one well, it only serves to torment. This then becomes the Devil's favorite play ground. A game you will never win in this arena.

 

Here is something that may help. The book is a little WAY out there with some stuff but I pulled this stuff out that really helps.

 

The Four Agreements - By don miguel ruiz

 

agreement 1

 

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

 

agreement 2

 

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

 

agreement 3

 

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

 

agreement 4

 

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

 

and finally one last comment

 

So...i don't really know how she's doin. When I asked if there was anything i could do to help her with her flu symptoms...soda, crackers, come and do laundry, keep the kids?? But she said she had recovered and was looking forward to seeing the kids on Monday... dropped them off and she was dressed to the hilt...looked smashingly fine :blink: ....maybe she just wanted to clean-up since having been sick. :unsure:

 

It is pretty obvious from here...she knew you would be going over <_>

Women need to always be told they are beautiful, maybe she was hoping you might give her a compliment and if you did maybe that is why she does it.

 

My wife was VERY apprehensive because she thought I only changed because she left. It takes time and patience until they realize it is JESUS that made and makes the difference.

 

I'm still praying for you brother

In Honor and Truth

Michael

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I agree with Michael - she knew those pics were there, and she wanted you to see them. She dressed up because she knew you were coming over.

 

Right now I think the message is something along the lines of look what you gave up, you idiot! And all you can really do is tell her she's beautiful and go on about your business.

 

I think the bottom line for S. is that she knows her life's a mess. She needs to feel good about herself, and so she falls back to the one thing she is confident she can do well without even trying, and that's look absolutely stunning. She may want you to feel a little sting, because she's pretty wounded. Hurt people often cope by hurting someone else.

 

You are welcome to join in a game of Mudball anytime a trip to the shores of Lake Erie coincides with a good thunderstorm. :P

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Thanks Looney,

 

I'm movin on with what God has in store for me; just finished two weeks of intensive training classes 8 hr/day + 4or 5 more hrs/day just to do my regular job...it's exhausting work, but the distraction is healthy. Promotion is comin soon and OT is back on for 4-6 months...no more 2nd job!!!

 

You are welcome to join in a game of Mudball anytime a trip to the shores of Lake Erie coincides with a good thunderstorm. :P

 

Thanks! I'd love to come by and play in the mud! headin to Denver in a couple weeks, then Ketchikan, AK, then back to DC for training. Gotta a friend goin to Afganistan next week and another chopper pilot buddy leaving to Iraq in October so i'm traveling around for some send-off events. I'm rackin up the frequent flyer miles and the Marriott points...but life will never be the same...and that's okay.

 

God Bless,

 

Michael

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Thanks Looney,

 

I'm movin on with what God has in store for me; just finished two weeks of intensive training classes 8 hr/day + 4or 5 more hrs/day just to do my regular job...it's exhausting work, but the distraction is healthy. Promotion is comin soon and OT is back on for 4-6 months...no more 2nd job!!!

 

 

 

Thanks! I'd love to come by and play in the mud! headin to Denver in a couple weeks, then Ketchikan, AK, then back to DC for training. Gotta a friend goin to Afganistan next week and another chopper pilot buddy leaving to Iraq in October so i'm traveling around for some send-off events. I'm rackin up the frequent flyer miles and the Marriott points...but life will never be the same...and that's okay.

 

God Bless,

 

Michael

 

just a quickie reminder to be PROactive in showing loving actions to your children and bride -- with all of your BUSYness, send them cards with sweet notes inside, perhaps a gift card to their favorite "Playplace" so that they can go PLAY and have fun while you are so busy.

 

"Father God, we ask that you would bind satan from every area of attack upon this family, that You, O Lord would fill up the voids in this bride's life, that YOU would cause a hedge of protection so strong that none of the wiles of the serpent can enter in nor prosper. We pray your healing touch upon her mind and emotions, and that you would allow her to SEE that it is indeed Michael whom YOU are using to bring this marvelous healing. In Jesus' most precious and holy and honored name. amen"

 

 

 

prayerfully,

June of

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Hey OHM family....

 

Just checking in to let u know that I think and pray for u brothers and sisters often.

 

As of late, I have returned to running 1/2 marathons and spendiong time w/the kids.

Swim lessons 2x/ week and every other weekend, god has blessed me tremendously by providing

A 4 bedrm house, rent free for the next two years! Its only 8 blocks from my kids' house and only 3

Blocks from the kids elementary school. God is soooo good!

 

Also, He has promoted me again at work and provided OT again for 6 months...that takes me to my next promotion

And is the provision I needed to get ortho work for my oldest and a used family car.

 

Haven't seen S much; she has a new man in her life and I am sure not to be more than an available

Friend if she needs it.

 

Staying steady in Gods shadow and living in His presence!

 

God Bless!

 

-InHisImage

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Hello OHM family,

 

Showed up at church today and the pastor was continuing in His series on Overcoming Giants

in our life...today's subject was the area of suffering.

 

I thought it interesting that those of us who are/were extremely immature as husbands/former husbands

have probably felt a time or two like we have suffered a great deal and have even asked God to

stop the suffering. We may even have gone so far as to request for the "lesson" or "moral of the story"

be spelled out so we can more quickly learn it and move on...either with the marriage or with life.

 

That said, i walked into today's sermon with an underlying belief; that all we go through is a result of

out own doing and God can/will use it for our benefit - more specifically, improving, deepening, increasing

our relationship with Him. But that wasn't the pastor's premise.

 

His thought on suffering was this, "To live in a broken world is to suffer, and to live in community means

to live with others in their suffering. Therefore, often, it is for righteousness that we suffer, not

dispite it. Meaning, God can/will use suffering of this world to refine us, to sift us, to cleanse and

purity us. It is His intention that our relationship with Him is strong...but also that we live in such a

manner that we reflect His righteousness. The passage what he sourced was Luke 7. John the baptist was

asking Jesus (v19) if He was the one or if there was going to be another; ...meaning---when are you going to

begin acting like our expectations of you and start kickin' hinny.

 

Jesus responded by quoting Isaiah 61: 1-3...He healed the sick, opened the eyes of the blind, enabled the

lame to walk, but He left out "setting the captives free". As you recall, John the Baptist was not set

free from prison. Jesus did add (v23), "God blesses those who do not turn away because of me."

 

The pastor hit on this and i liked it: ...not turning away because of HIm..." has 3 meanings in the Greek

that refer to turning from sin and how one responds to the suffering being endured. Question is this:

does your suffering? 1. cause another to sin, 2. cause you to sin, 3. cause you to abandon or desert one

whom you ought to be trusted? All of these responses skirt the process of developing righteousness in you.

 

Pastor went on to say that suffering is intended to be a liberator from sin. Oh, soo true! In our immaturity

and underdeveloped state, us weak husbands cried out to God for mercy..."stop the suffering"...God's response

could equally have been...."stop the selfishness", stop the ego"...stop the hopelessness"..."stop the faithlessness"

...stop the greediness". IN our immaturity, some of us are very slow to accept that we have caused our own

torture...our own pain...our own suffering. By our own behaviors we have caused suffering; we opened the door, we

invited it in, we served it til it was full and content....and then it destoyed our lives.

 

So that is why Jesus says to John's messengers, Blessed are you if you do not fall away though you must suffer

this now." The suffering is real; wether the cause is our own or someone elses...if there is suffering, then we

must take inventory of our response to it: are we causes another to sin, causing ourselves to sin, or abandoning

and deserting someone who ought to be trusted?

 

Stay the course. I was encouraged today to reengage in this community and support those who are hurting. Not sure

if that is what God is calling me to, but i am available to assist. Be encouraged. This is a strong community

of very wise and giving followers of Christ.

 

God Bless,

 

IHI

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God is sooo good! I had a great opportunity to fall apart

But through this minisrty and His grace, I've found a strength and

Endurance I never knew I could possess.

 

Found out that S has been on Match.com for quite a while...500+ have

Communicated their interest....she expressed this after a talk we had

And I felt happy for her. Its what she needs to move on and God has

Given me a peace to accept and let her go. I let her know I was available

To watch the kids if the need arose.

 

No other news...

 

In Him,

 

IHI

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