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God is sooo good! I had a great opportunity to fall apart

But through this minisrty and His grace, I've found a strength and

Endurance I never knew I could possess.

 

Found out that S has been on Match.com for quite a while...500+ have

Communicated their interest....she expressed this after a talk we had

And I felt happy for her. Its what she needs to move on and God has

Given me a peace to accept and let her go. I let her know I was available

To watch the kids if the need arose.

 

No other news...

 

In Him,

 

IHI

 

 

Still this is disappointing I am sure. It does explain, Michael why her heart was closed to you. When a woman is getting her emotional needs met by others or another man it is near impossible for her heart to see any differences in her husband or notice authentic changes in him.

 

It will be perseverance in your case that may win the race. A steady and deliberate choice to continue allowing God to build character in you. Perseverance produces character and character, hope. His hope does not disappoint. You have hope that it is possible to change and be more like Jesus. It is possible to live knowing the Lover of your soul. Becoming like Christ should be all of our heart cries.

 

She does know, at least where she can turn when the eventual hurt and pain of yet another abusive relationship will have its way in her life. I wish her no harm but understanding how a woman's wounding effects her choices it is apparent she gave herself little or no time to properly heal. This is sad for her as it would seem she is like a prey for the enemy at this point. Pray for her to be protected and surrounded and that she will be rescued from herself.

 

Her FB affords her the opportunity to reach out to many unsaved people from what I can gather. I personally would not have "friended" most of these people, if I were a single woman. It is a bit disconcerting in my opinion. Part of my sense is that this is an outlet for her pain. I believe her heart is right in wanting to reach people for Jesus but her naivete is clear as well. Most of the friends appear to be from all over the world including mostly Muslim and Hindu nations. Many are American Indian as well. I also think that she has been so wounded that she is trying to find some significance for her life. I am sure there is a feeling of satisfaction in making a difference in people's lives for her.

 

The driving force is more likely trying to regain some sense of being accepted and appreciated. Because of your porn addiction she has learned to define herself in terms of her looks. It is heartbreaking but true that the effects of you, her husband rejecting her has left a gaping hole her in identity and left her alone and wondering about her femininity. When a woman's self worth and esteem have been destroyed, this definitely will lead to distortions of herself. She is trying to claw her way out of that place. I am sure the attention is her way of coping with this. Granted these issues have always been there for her but you only ended up validating her worst fears about herself. Add to that being violated and further marring her image of herself. It makes me want to wail and weep for her heart and soul.

 

Be kind and gentle with her always. Be sensitive to her every want and need though you may think it is futile. I hope you still compliment her when you see her without sounding forced or contrived. You need to be authentic and genuine by just being yourself.

 

Kimberly

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This is another one of those times when I'm just gonna follow Kimberly and agree with her. :D

 

God is blessing you, brother - house, job, wow! - because of your willingness to obey Him, no matter what S. is or isn't doing. You've done some pretty hard stuff since coming here, and God knows He finally has your heart. That's all He ever wanted from you.

 

God has given me a peace to accept and let her go.

 

Remember when you said that would NEVER happen? That one sentence shows how much you've grown, although I am so, so sorry that it had to come to this.

 

I really do hope you'll stay and help other men who are struggling, but if it turns out that God is calling you elsewhere, pop in once in awhile and let your big sis know you're OK. :)

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500+? That doesn't sound very focused or very serious to me, sounds like a way to distance herself from people without being alone. I wouldn't worry about her getting seriously involved with someone else at this point. This sounds like a Plan B to me. Keep trying, sometimes God gives a chance for a second look so if we get what we pray for we are sure we want it. Don't give up, hang in there.

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wow...where has the week gone??? Got the kiddos to swim lessons 2x this week and just loved every minute of it; sadly, i have been picked to go to Chicago on Monday for a 1 week conference...back on Friday!! to take the kids for the weekend and head to my brothers house in Oregon ::clap ::clap My daughter will finally get to ride horses and the boys will run wild on their 16 acres...stepping in every pie they find...i am sure <_ ...boys src="%7B___base_url___%7D/uploads/emoticons/default_blink.png" alt=":blink:">

 

Pure...i am in complete agreement. It is disappointing, but it's okay. Authentic change takes time to solidify and that's what i have now...time.

 

It will be perseverance in your case that may win the race. A steady and deliberate choice to continue allowing God to build character in you. Perseverance produces character and character, hope. His hope does not disappoint.
This is a wonderful reminder...He never disappoints!

 

You have hope that it is possible to change and be more like Jesus. It is possible to live knowing the Lover of your soul. Becoming like Christ should be all of our heart cries.
Actually, that is my only real desire right now. The struggle of everyday is to ensure i spend the time ...to become like Jesus requires spending time with him. Just like our friends...we become like those we hang around and listen to :o

 

[qutoe]She does know, at least where she can turn when the eventual hurt and pain of yet another abusive relationship will have its way in her life. I wish her no harm but understanding how a woman's wounding effects her choices it is apparent she gave herself little or no time to properly heal. This is sad for her as it would seem she is like a prey for the enemy at this point. ...i'll be here.

 

Pray for her to be protected and surrounded and that she will be rescued from herself.
...oooh..shivers :huh: i pray for her daily and my heart is very, very soft towards her.

 

Her FB affords her the opportunity to reach out to many unsaved people from what I can gather. I personally would not have "friended" most of these people, if I were a single woman. It is a bit disconcerting in my opinion. Part of my sense is that this is an outlet for her pain. I believe her heart is right in wanting to reach people for Jesus but her naivete is clear as well. Most of the friends appear to be from all over the world including mostly Muslim and Hindu nations. Many are American Indian as well. I also think that she has been so wounded that she is trying to find some significance for her life. I am sure there is a feeling of satisfaction in making a difference in people's lives for her.
...very important to her. I am not surprised to find that this is where her emotional support and romantic connects are stemming from, but i pray for her to be full of wisdom and discernment.

 

The driving force is more likely trying to regain some sense of being accepted and appreciated. Because of your porn addiction she has learned to define herself in terms of her looks. It is heartbreaking but true that the effects of you, her husband rejecting her has left a gaping hole her in identity and left her alone and wondering about her femininity. When a woman's self worth and esteem have been destroyed, this definitely will lead to distortions of herself. She is trying to claw her way out of that place. I am sure the attention is her way of coping with this. Granted these issues have always been there for her but you only ended up validating her worst fears about herself. Add to that being violated and further marring her image of herself. It makes me want to wail and weep for her heart and soul.
...add to that being raped at 19 and there's nothing left to say. i have acknowledged my sins, addressed my shortcomings, and arrested old behaviors, and made every possible effort to change. It just wasn't enough...

 

Be kind and gentle with her always. Be sensitive to her every want and need though you may think it is futile. I hope you still compliment her when you see her without sounding forced or contrived. You need to be authentic and genuine by just being yourself.

Kimberly, she's still my favorite person in the world! I am still captivated by her...still need her...still want to be her husband...still believing. I am gracious, kind, and gentle. There is still love between us, but it has faded to a bad memory for her. Its my reality to accept and allow her to be free of me and move on. I'll be here...not far...hoping and praying for the chance to restore what was lost.

 

thanks for your input...

 

Michael

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Hey Loo,

 

thank you...validating Pure's wisdom shows your brilliance and humility...you're somethin' else! ::clap

 

God is blessing you, brother - house, job, wow! - because of your willingness to obey Him, no matter what S. is or isn't doing. You've done some pretty hard stuff since coming here, and God knows He finally has your heart. That's all He ever wanted from you.
Pastor is doing this study on "Suffering"...and oh man...he is killin' it! It's good to finally learn the mechanics of suffering as a Godly tool in our lives. Wish i didn't have such a history of being a knuckle head and crappy husband...it seems like everything applies to me :blink:

 

 

Remember when you said that would NEVER happen? That one sentence shows how much you've grown, although I am so, so sorry that it had to come to this.
Funny...i was recalling just this morning how i have come so far from where i was...BUT really not too proud of it as it again demonstrates how far off i really was. That's okay...God can use it for His Glory i am sure.

 

I really do hope you'll stay and help other men who are struggling, but if it turns out that God is calling you elsewhere, pop in once in awhile and let your big sis know you're OK. :)

Looney...sis, God hasn't called me anywhere. I have failed at seeing my marriage restored and other than just getting killed at work...i don't have much to tell guys. God has proded me and i need to be more available...i know. I want to help out...i am not leaving...just need to get my head in the effort.

 

Thanks for not sticking me with that zapper!

 

God bless you sister!

 

Michael

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Thanks Chysillis...

 

you're a cool sister. B) B)

 

500+? That doesn't sound very focused or very serious to me, sounds like a way to distance herself from people without being alone. I wouldn't worry about her getting seriously involved with someone else at this point. This sounds like a Plan B to me.

I appreciate that...i am not too concerned. Covering her in prayer...being a supportive friend...being a great dad...those are my efforts. I messed that marriage up and it wasn't a good one to hang onto anyway...

 

 

Keep trying, sometimes God gives a chance for a second look so if we get what we pray for we are sure we want it. Don't give up, hang in there.

...and so if there is a 2nd chance...it will be amazing! God has so torqued my heart and head...it is the most freeing feeling in the world to be able to love Him without purging guilt at every turn...but freely coming to Him cuz He's wonderful and He's given me a new life!

 

Thanks for the encouragement! Maybe that's what i can share with some of the guys....

 

Your brother in Christ,

 

Michael

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Hello Michael,

 

...and so if there is a 2nd chance...it will be amazing! God has so torqued my heart and head...it is the most freeing feeling in the world to be able to love Him without purging guilt at every turn...but freely coming to Him cuz He's wonderful and He's given me a new life!

 

THIS IS WHERE I AM! I have NEVER felt so free in my life.

 

I used to get discouraged because I watched "every curve in the road trying to anticipate where it would take me" I now find peace in what ever road and where it will take me because in the end it will take me face to face with my savior.

 

1 John 3:2

 

American King James Version

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

 

You look more and more like him Michael keep posting people need to see Jesus.

 

In Honor and Truth

Michael

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Hey there Brother AZMike...

 

You are soooo right! My life has peace...patience...and mercy for myself and others. God has graciously taken me to a place where i am not important...only He is. Like Brandon Heath's song; "Give me your eyes..."...i feel God has allowed me to see His creations as HE does. Striving, working, sweating, crying, struglling and often wandering in confusion. He has graciosly allowed me to see where i was and where i was headed.

 

THIS IS WHERE I AM! I have NEVER felt so free in my life.
...........HALLELUJAH!!! So true ::clap Walkin in His footsteps...this is a wonderful life. Giving to others what HE has given to me...freely i have received...and so freely i give it away! His love is never ending...His mercies are new every morning...

 

I used to get discouraged because I watched "every curve in the road trying to anticipate where it would take me" I now find peace in what ever road and where it will take me because in the end it will take me face to face with my savior.
Amen. :wub: And that is why i am here. He's my reason..He's my righteousness...and He's my savior. I'll follow where HE leads...live as HE prescribes...and accept with joy the trials and victories HE arranges. He's my father..who meets my needs.

 

Thank you for the encouragement Michael...much love brother!

 

Strength and Honor!

 

Michael

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Hey Michael...this one's for the guys like you and me!

 

God Bless you brother!

 

Brandon Heath - Wait and See

 

I was born in Tennessee, late July humidity,

Doctors said I was lucky to be alive

I've been troubled since the day that I got here,

Troubled to the day I disappear

That'll be the day that I finally get it right

 

There is hope, for me yet,

Because God won't forget,

All the plans HE's made for me

I have to wait and see,

HE's not finished with me yet,

HE's not finished with me yet

 

I never really was that good in school;

Talked too much, broke the rules

My teachers thought I was a hopeless fool, all right.

I don't know how but I made it through,

It's one of those things you gotta do

I always had a knack for telling the truth.

 

There is hope, for me yet,

Because God won't forget,

All the plans HE's made for me

I have to wait and see,

HE's not finished with me yet,

HE's not finished with me yet

(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/brandon-heath-lyrics/wait-and-see-lyrics.html)

 

Still wonderin' why I'm here.

Still wrestling with my fear

But oh... HE's up to something,

And the farther out I go,

I've seen enough to know

That I'm not here for nothin'...

He's up to somethin'.

 

So now's my time to be a man,

Follow my heart as far as I can

No tellin' where I'm ending up tonight

I never slow down (or so it seems),

But singing my heart is one of my dreams

All I gotta do is hold on tight.

 

There is hope, for me yet,

Because God won't forget,

All the plans HE's made for me

I have to wait and see,

HE's not finished with me yet,

HE's not finished with me yet

HE's not finished with me yet,

HE's not finished with me yet

 

GOD, teach me to trust You

Teach me to follow You

Teach me about You

GOD, bless us

GOD, lead us

 

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I have failed at seeing my marriage restored and other than just getting killed at work...i don't have much to tell guys.

 

Oh, bull ::xx !

 

You keep feeding me that stuff, and I will personally get on a plane and fly to Seattle for the sole purpose of zapping your backside! :angry:

 

My marriage failed too. So what? A few of you guys seem to think I still have good things to say.

 

You can look behind you and see a guy stepping off the path and say NO! Don't go that way! You can hear a guy struggling with things you struggled with, and you can encourage him and tell him how to get through it. And you can pick up that sword of yours and swing it for a guy who is too weak to swing his own. You are still walking this out, but you are farther ahead than many men here, and you can mark the trail so they can follow it.

 

Not much to tell guys? Spare me.

 

I know work's been insane for you, but maybe you can find time once or twice a week to write one post for a guy who needs some help. Don't try to follow too many threads - that takes way too much time. Just pick one or two as the Lord leads you. It doesn't have to take hours out of your day.

 

And no more nonsense about having nothing to tell guys. Don't make me come out there. :blink: :P

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Well...now that's love! Seriously....

 

Did 60hr week in Chicago last week, flew home, stepped off the plane and drove straight to get my kiddos. From there we drove to my brothers in oregon where God arranged for a perfect weekend! I wish y'all were there.

 

We bbq'd, swam in the pool, did farm chores, rode horses, and cleaned stalls. It was awesome!! God has given me charge over the best 4 kids! Seriously. They are such a blessing. I am filled to the brim with joy and love;-)!!!

 

Good thing too, cuz b'tween Loo '& Joel I just may be in need of a new hinny! Too shot to reply tonight...13 hr day and I'm mush. But tomorrow...will be a new day!

 

I'mgonna enjoy the gesture of reckless concern and potential misuse of a heifer prod, as care. I have been wrestling too long w / this and I gotta stake a claim

 

God bless, thx for the encouragement!

 

IHI

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Loo....I couldn't have said it better. I am in a mess and I

Don't know how to get out...

 

Well good, because that's exactly what it is. You got yourself into this mess, and now you're stuck with us. :P

 

The other night as I laid in bed, I was trying to unravel my

Hesitantcy here...I've checked my motives, chked my heart, then

I chked my gut and realized I'm dealing with a little fear. What ii can't actually

Help anyone...what if they don't listen...what if it just doesn't do anyone any good?

By the end of my introspective conversation, I relaized that I am feeling

Overwhelmed...so much need. Then it hit me...

 

Who did I think I am...I'm not gonna do anything more than be a tool for the

Lord. He's gonna do all the things that fear was taunting me with. It's not me, but Christ

within me that is my hope!

 

I had to confess my rebelliousness and arrogance of living outside of Him...its so difficult

Sometimes to forget that He loves us and cares for us when in the midst of our dispair, we become

Self focused. Well, I know what I gotta do and I know He is more than able to do

Exceedingly more than I could ever dream or imagine!

 

All that to say this...thanks for the reminder!

 

In His strength!

 

IHI

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Michael,

 

Who did I think I am...I'm not gonna do anything more than be a tool for the

Lord. He's gonna do all the things that fear was taunting me with. It's not me, but Christ

within me that is my hope!

 

PERFECT!

 

This is the perfect place to be, this the beginning of the end of ourselves. This happens to be the beginning where we meet God.

When Adam and Eve fell they became "Self conscience" this is why they knew they were naked. This is the beginning of fears.

Oh how many times have I been here and still go there. I fear because I tend to trust in self...and then I remember. God's grace is sufficient for me, it is grace that drove Jesus to the cross and grace that sustains us each and every day.

 

Grace is so much more than unconditional merit it is God GIVING us ALL through Christ Jesus. HE did not spare his Son, God's grace is immeasurable. His Love endures for ever.

 

Michael, in human terms, your picture is on God's refrigerator, every drawing, every song you sung still brings a smile to his face because it is his favorite song. Your voice delights him when you pray. God would send his only son to the cross again if he needed to...just for you!

LOVE NEVER FAILS

 

These are some of the thoughts that give me strength for just one more day. God is so Good, just look who you are in him.

 

In Honor and Truth

Michael

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What ii can't actually

Help anyone...what if they don't listen...what if it just doesn't do anyone any good?

 

Umm . . . have you ever actually read anything you've written? How could you possibly believe you can't help anyone? :blink:

 

Who did I think I am...I'm not gonna do anything more than be a tool for the

Lord. He's gonna do all the things that fear was taunting me with. It's not me, but Christ

within me that is my hope!

 

Absolutely! How many times have I told you that God talks, I just type? You do the same thing. You've just forgotten. The things you write have God's hand all over them. You are simply operating the computer and listening to what He is telling you.

 

Satan doesn't want you here, Michael. He wants you to listen to the doubts he's planting in your brain and just fade away into the sunset. He's totally ticked off that you have become so close to Jesus, and if that weren't bad enough, now we're asking you to reach back and pull some other guys along with you! He wants you to doubt, to think you're not good enough, to forget who is really writing when you type.

 

So draw your sword, give satan a good thrashing, and then get back here. We need you.

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Michael...

 

thank you.

PERFECT!

 

This is the perfect place to be, this the beginning of the end of ourselves. This happens to be the beginning where we meet God.

This was time on target for me...i am at the end of myself. I'm tired of trying; in my flesh i am weary and the joy has not been around in a while. In my spirit, i know that God loves me and has a plan.

 

I am ready for the end of me...

Oh how many times have I been here and still go there. I fear because I tend to trust in self...and then I remember. God's grace is sufficient for me, it is grace that drove Jesus to the cross and grace that sustains us each and every day.
...true dat! When i stared into the face of the fears i was dealing with, i realized they weren't from anyone other than the deceiver himself...then i got ticked! and realized i wasn't where i wanted to be..

 

LOVE NEVER FAILS: These are some of the thoughts that give me strength for just one more day. God is so Good, just look who you are in him.

 

Thanks brother...

 

In His Strength and for His Honor...we'll carry-on!

 

Michael

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Hey'ya Loo!

 

Umm . . . have you ever actually read anything you've written? How could you possibly believe you can't help anyone? :blink:
...actually, no. i'm so busy keepin up with the Author that i just type in a frenzy ;) ...but i'll believe you.

 

 

 

How many times have I told you that God talks, I just type? You do the same thing. You've just forgotten. The things you write have God's hand all over them. You are simply operating the computer and listening to what He is telling you.
....too many is my best answer. :blink: Well, it's time to remember and return to form. B)

 

Satan doesn't want you here, Michael. He wants you to listen to the doubts he's planting in your brain and just fade away into the sunset. He's totally ticked off that you have become so close to Jesus, and if that weren't bad enough, now we're asking you to reach back and pull some other guys along with you! He wants you to doubt, to think you're not good enough, to forget who is really writing when you type.

 

So draw your sword, give satan a good thrashing, and then get back here. We need you.

 

And i need this family too! So, it's time to go to war! Enough doubt and entertaining fear...let's pull some guys from the grips of immaturity and selfishness, see what miracles the Lord will do ::clap

 

So...Looney, just one question, "Where do i start??"

 

In His Strength,

 

Michael

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Here http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/4591-ready-to-be-the-man-of-my-womans-dreams/

 

or here http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/4693-last-chance/

 

These two guys are fairly new and could use a good lesson in sword fighting.

 

Or just let God tell you whose thread to open. That always works for me. After all, I opened yours, didn't I? ;)

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Hey'ya Loo!

 

thanks for the tip...

 

These two guys are fairly new and could use a good lesson in sword fighting.
...well, i'm not a man or grace and poise when it comes to wielding a sword...it's Gladiator style battle all the way when we deal with satan...but, if that's what we're learnin' 'em...i'm in!

 

Or just let God tell you whose thread to open. That always works for me. After all, I opened yours, didn't I? ;)

::clap ::clap And i thank Him for it!

 

God Bless ya sister!

 

Michael

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i do love God's Word...

 

Romans 15

1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”[a] 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

 

5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. 8 For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews on behalf of God’s truth, so that the promises made to the patriarchs might be confirmed 9 and, moreover, that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy. As it is written:

 

“Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles;

I will sing the praises of your name.”[c]

 

10 Again, it says,

 

“Rejoice, you Gentiles, with his people.”[d]

 

11 And again,

 

“Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles;

let all the peoples extol him.”[e]

 

12 And again, Isaiah says,

 

“The Root of Jesse will spring up,

one who will arise to rule over the nations;

in him the Gentiles will hope.”[f]

 

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

....gotta run!
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Please include me in your prayers...

 

Long, hard hours at work; missing my bride like never before. Saw her yesterday and

she is more anorexic than i've ever seen her...she is working hard to make an impression

on me. she borrowed my car for a quick run to the store and when i was ready to leave, she

wanted to make sure i knew that she was listening to the ghetto rap, junk in the truck, hip-hop

station as loud as my stereo can bring it...

 

guys, this isn't S...she is goin off the deep end. I know i don't control it, but it is hard

to watch her drift off the path and into the club scene. don't know that she's going out, but

club music is an indication that she's feedin her spirit that stuff.

 

Anyhow, it's breaking my heart tonight....i just wish i could get a message to her that she

could trust...

 

Anyhow, for my brothers who are struggling with wondering if they can make it...i'm 22 months into

this process and it's hard, but here's a little Bryan Adams to remind us of our vows!

 

 

When it's love you give(I'll be a man of good faith.)

Then in love you live(I'll make a stand. I won't break.)

I'll be the rock you can build on

Be there when you're old

To have and to hold

When there's love inside(I swear I'll always be strong.)

Then there's a reason why(I'll prove to you we belong.)

I'll be the wall that protects you

From the wind and the rain

From the hurt and pain

Let's make it all for one and all for love

Let the one you hold be the one you want

The one you need'

Cause when it's all for one it's one for all

When there's someone that should know

Then just let your feelings show

And make it all for one and all for love

When it's love you make(I'll be the fire in your night.)

Then it's love you take(I will defend, I will fight.)

I'll be there when you need me

When honor's at stake

This vow I will make

That it's all for one and all for love

Let the one be the one you want

The one you need'

Cause when it's all for one it's one for all

When there's someone that should know

Then just let your feelings show

And make it all for one and all for love

Don't lay our love to rest'

Cause we could stand up to the test

We got everything and more than we had planned

More than the rivers that run the land

We've got it all in our hands

Now it's all for one and all for love(It's all for love.)

Let the one you hold be the one you want

The one you need'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all(It's one for all.)

When there's someone that should know

Then just let your feelings show

When there's someone that you want

When there's someone that you needLet's make it all, all for one and all for love

 

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