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God Save My Marriage

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Well, 1SM posted. Get a load of this. And don't forget to check out the profile pic. :puke:

 

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/4555-friday-call-513/page__view__findpost__p__118627

 

The story behind this is that he tried to call while I was running the Friday night womens call. I texted him back, telling him that I was running a call, but that he could text if he needed something. He replied that he was trying to reach Ash. Next thing I know, that's on the forum.

 

He obviously wanted ME to know that he wished her a happy birthday, because she doesn't look at the forum ever and I would need to show it to her. If he'd put it on her Facebook, I might not have seen it.

 

Of course it was her birthday all day, but he apparently couldn't make time to call earlier.

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c'mon Dave. Speak UP!!! There are LOTS of passive guys on here . . . you are certainly not alone. And you DO still have a thread somewhere!!!

 

I'm trying to dig deep here and believe that this was your way of reaching out? :unsure:

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Well, 1SM is obviously reading my thread. I wonder why? He's shown very little interest in our life up to this point.

 

Yesterday I received a rather frantic call from my daughter saying that someone was there to shut off the electricity. I honestly thought I had a couple more days. I must've read May 16th as May 18th. :huh: Anyway, I tried calling the power company and begging for another 24 hours, but no go. I was frantically trying to think of who had enough money to bail me out. I knew Eeyore didn't - HD's paycheck had come up short due to some error at his work. I was out of ideas when I thought to call 1SM. He had the funds, called the power company, and paid the bill. Shut off averted.

 

So, since you're reading here, 1SM, thank you. I do appreciate it, and I try to give credit where credit is due.

 

I will admit to being thoroughly ticked off that I had to call him. For awhile I was stumped as to why - despite popular opinion ;) I will ask for help if I really need it. I had no trouble asking my church for help last month, and I have begged from HD and Eeyore more than once. Then I decided that I was mad because a Christlike man wouldn't have waited for me to come begging. 1SM knows what's going on. He knows that I'm behind on everything because I haven't been working much. Not once has he sent money, or offered to.

 

But if I come begging, then he can sweep in on his white horse, save the day, and live off the hero points for the next month. I'm sure that he will mention this to someone at his church or wherever, and they will all think what a nice guy he is and how I am just totally unreasonable, throwing him out when he was trying so hard. <_>

 

Sigh.

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And I know that people who have never met you in person have sent you gifts, just because they knew you needed it. That is caring. That is giving. That is helping.

 

1SM, if you are truly called to "help people", that HAS TO start at home. Even if it is not your home any more. That is where it begins. Not where it ends!!

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And I know that people who have never met you in person have sent you gifts, just because they knew you needed it. That is caring. That is giving. That is helping.

 

Amen! I am SO thankful for the many people who have done that.

 

The sad thing is that people who have never met me in person know me better than 1SM does, and they obviously care more about our family than he does.

 

But hey, 1SM is "doing what God wants him to do" because he has a "calling" to help people.

 

Whatever.

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Well that is awesome that he helped though it is sad that it took you calling Looney. Now step it up 1SM . . . help your family, the one God gave you! They've been struggling a LONG time. Where oh where have you been? :blink:

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Honesty here would be, well, a change.

Say what you want, but you have not communicated anything to me.

You will not return calls. You will not answer texts.

For a brief moment when you called, I actually thought that maybe you...... oh never mind.

 

There really is nothing more to say here.

 

 

WOW!

 

calling your bride a liar is basically what you have just done, 1SM.

 

WHAT does what Looney wrote have anything to do with the FACT that you do not send her $$ unless she calls asking for it?? she has been ill for quite a time, lost a lot of work time, and you smugly accuse her --

 

you post a happy birthday message (for your 25 yo) on C's thread late at night instead of BEing a blessing to your daughter EARLIER IN THE DAY! == you post to let us all know that you are reading this thread INSTEAD of posting on your own

 

IT is way past time for you to grow up, sir. Your passivity and aggression, the argumentation of "I am right - she is wrong" mentality make it clear there is much growth left to go

 

so what type of "calling" (to help others) is it that you have that is ahead of being a Christlike husband and Christian man to your family?

 

praying for the Lord to get your FULL attention -- and for you to at the very least be a financial blessing to C and the children

 

NOW, go post on your OWN THREAD!

 

(woops - I see you did in your caddy way -- OMG!)

Posted Today, 06:45 AM

It is not possible to help someone who really does not want the help.

I paid that electric bill because my kids needed help. They called me before their mom did. I am thankful that I had the resources to take care of it. No other motives. No other reasons.

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/1440-a-bad-wife-no-a-really-bad-hubby/page__pid__118955__st__280entry118955

 

 

June of

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HD took my van and got a load of hay for his barn, and then went back and got a load for me. I have 10 bales to take home tomorrow, which is good because we're about out, and I didn't have to go get it! :)

 

Glad that 1SM is reading. Perhaps he can learn by example? Thank you HD for blessing our friend.

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1SM,

 

There are lots of things left to say. And this is the perfect place to say them.

 

We may not like what you say, but remember, we are here to HELP you bless your wife, grow into a Christlike man, and have an OHM!!

 

Don't send you wife short, critical, or snide texts and expect a NICE response. Remember, wives are responders and are supposed to MIRROR what they are getting from their husbands. So, if you don't like what you are getting, then change your approach!!

 

I know that your wife is very independent, and you have made several comments about that, in a negative way. Well, you have trained her well to NOT need you. If you want her to NEED you, then you have to be there for her... emotionally, physically, etc.

 

For example, if you know that your wife is coming home, and it has been snowing all day, and the snow plow has gone down your road, and the end of your driveway is closed in with snow, and you are home... well, maybe getting out there and clearing the end of the driveway so your wife does not have to do it at 4am would help her to rely on you more. (Not to compare, but my husband would not make me shovel the driveway at 4am, even in our WORST days!)

 

This is simply ONE example. I can give you many more. You see, I know your wife pretty well. We talk... each of us. And the other listens. But it is not just about knowing her in person. Lots of people on this forum know her too. They see that she is loving and spends lots of time helping others. They know that she would give all that she has to help her family, her friends, and in most instances, just about anyone. But she would not do it at the expense of her children. And she would not do it to make herself look good. Sometimes I wish she would... just take credit for who she is and what she has (inside her). But when you have to do everything alone, for yourself or by yourself, you tend to stop needing people. You rely on yourself and just close off your needs. It turns into survival mode, and you just do what you need to do.

 

There is a way to turn that around... it is by showing your wife, day after day, that you are there for her. It comes through helping with what SHE needs, farm chores, shoveling snow, or whatever she needs. Day after day... and then things change. But it does not come by doing things your way, then defending your way, so that you can keep doing it your way. Your way has to be thrown out the window. It is like trying to get a butterfly to land on your hand. You must do it THEIR way. It might take you days or weeks or months. But you must stand still, maybe holding a flower, maybe getting stung by bees, maybe getting sun burnt, but standing there, waiting for that beautiful creature to finally trust you.

 

I know that I have said a lot. I pray that the fact that you are posting here means that God has softened your heart and you will receive some of what I have said.

Edited by Eeyore
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Thanks, everyone.

 

The bottom line here is that 1SM is still waiting for ME to pursue HIM. I did that for 30 years, if you count the time we were together before we got married, and it did nothing but make me and the kids miserable. I know you all know that - when you do things backwards from the way God intended, it generally doesn't work out too well. Imagine that. :rolleyes:

 

Sorry, 1SM, not gonna happen. We go months without hearing from you, and when you do text me, your texts are either information only (as in, this is my new address) or snippy and hurtful. You have NEVER said, "I love you and the kids, and I want my family back." You never even said that when you were gone in 2002. You came back because Larry said that, biblically, you had to. You made me feel like you'd been given a prison sentence. And because I didn't know any better, I let you come back. It didn't take long before it felt like a prison sentence to me too.

 

I am done living with someone who doesn't love me. You might think you do, but you have no clue what it really means to love someone. If you ever learn, you're welcome to text or email me and have some conversations about that. Until then, I have no interest in engaging in your useless, abusive ::xx .

 

You're certainly welcome to post and engage with the ministry again, but I'd prefer it if you kept your posts on your own thread. This one is mine, and I need to know that I'm not going to have to read any of your garbage when I come here.

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You have NEVER said, "I love you and the kids, and I want my family back."

 

 

I know this one all too well . . . well, I love you and the kids Looney and am so glad you are my friend!!! Your husband is missing out on quite a party!!! ;)

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well, I love you and the kids Looney and am so glad you are my friend!!!

 

Ditto, Sis. :wub:

 

Your husband is missing out on quite a party!!! ;)

 

Therein lies the problem. He has never actually joined the party. He's just sat on the sidelines, hoping it would be over soon.

 

Well, he got his wish - it's over, for him. It just didn't happen the way he wanted it to. He wanted me to cancel the party. Instead, I moved him away from it.

 

He can say what he wants to say. I know the truth, and the people whose opinion matters to me know the truth, and that's all I care about. I honestly do hope 1SM wakes up someday and learns the truth, but I care only as much as I'd care about anyone who's lost. I don't want him back, and I know he doesn't want me enough to push through what, and who, he would need to push through in order to get me.

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It is like trying to get a butterfly to land on your hand. You must do it THEIR way. It might take you days or weeks or months. But you must stand still, maybe holding a flower, maybe getting stung by bees, maybe getting sun burnt, but standing there, waiting for that beautiful creature to finally trust you.

 

I love this . . . and it is SO biblical!!! :o :D :rotfl: It's what we do when we love someone.

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I feel sick.

 

I feel like 1SM has busted through the back door of my castle and is attacking. He didn't come here to learn anything. He didn't come here because he's willing to do whatever it takes to get his family back. He came here to dump out his venom on me and all of my friends.

 

I'm so thankful for everyone who has posted to him. You all have said some great things. I wish I thought he'd listen, but I don't.

 

I know I should hope he stays and becomes teachable, but I really just want him to GO AWAY!

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I'm sorry, Looney. :(

 

God, cause Your hedge of protection to be set up around Looney. KEEP her, by Your mighty Power! The enmity that was first instigated by the serpent, the devil, shall NOT harm her. In Jesus' Name!

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Looney,

 

I want to apologize to you and your family for my abuse of Eeyore yesterday when you where here at our house to celebrate your son's birthday. I was completely selfish in how I acted, completely prideful and arrogant, and I put myself above my wife, her best friend, and your children and their friends. My actions cannot be taken back nor can the damage that I did to my wife, your family, and to your son's special day. I had to right to infringe upon the joy of all involved in the manner in which I did, and completely sour the entire experience for everyone. Your son deserved better, you deserved better, and Eeyore deserved better. I am sorry.

 

HerDensity

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Thanks for the apology, Steve. You're forgiven. I don't think that most of my kids even knew what was going on. They were too excited about laser tag.

 

The best thing about our relationship is that I knew it was you, and I didn't think Melissa was the crazy one. She's way too used to getting that from her family. So just make it right with her, and you have nothing else to worry about.

 

A good friend = a guy who will take 7 teens/young adults to play laser tag, when only one of them is his! Thanks for making it special for Brandon - he didn't want to go unless you could take him. I know I've said it a million times before, but I really appreciate your relationship with my kids.

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OK, this will make you all laugh. I'm sure I'll laugh too, once the dime sized hematoma on my leg heals up.

 

Until recently, a pair of geese lived on our farm. We called them Ritalin and Prozac. :D Prozac was blind in one eye, and so Ritalin was very protective of her. He would often hiss at us if he thought we were too close, and he occasionally reached out and grabbed a mouthful of somebody's jeans. In general, though, he was manageable. Unfortunately Prozac met her demise a few weeks ago. We're not really sure what happened - Ashley just found her dead in the lawn.

 

So Ritalin, doing exactly what God has programmed him to do, looked for something else to protect. He decided that Bashful, one of our sheep, fit the bill. He has been following her around for a couple of weeks, and he will often march out in front of our little flock, announcing to the world that sheep were present. Today we were all in the barn, and Bashful indicated that she'd appreciate a scratch behind the ears. I obliged - and was attacked from behind by the stupid goose! Thankfully geese don't have teeth, so it's more like getting pinched hard, but man, that hurt! I have some pretty impressive bruises and one really nice blood blister.

 

We have one hard and fast rule here when it comes to our critters - be nice, or be dinner. So for one particular goose, it really is judgement day.

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