Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Recommended Posts

I'll get on here and post the next time she points something out so I can be as up to date and accurate as possible. So far it seems to be things that I WAS doing, then tried to add on to my "repertoire" and forgot to do them or life got too busy to do everything on the list for that day.

 

Also I have been having a hard time coming up with a baby sitter for our date nights. With her sister being sick (which I don't like to burden with anyways) I can occasionally use her dad but my mom's work schedule keeps her from doing it. Other than that we don't really know anybody we trust the baby with. So cool date's with a baby are few and far between but where I have really been failing is not taking the time to research things that we can do. One good thing is that I have Valentines Day pretty much planned, I just need a few minutes where she doesn't know what I am doing to make all of the plans.

 

Financial aid should be here at the end of this week so I can use part of that to finish a few date ideas I have

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 563
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I have been talking to my brother trying to set something up so that we can do a child care swap so hopefully we can get something going for next weekend. My mom would be fine to watch all three girls but she works nights and has kind of a random schedule these days. Their dad isn't going to see them for about another month so we can't rely on him. My mom should be going into a few days off close to next weekend so that is another avenue that I hope can pan out for a date night next weekend.

 

Besides that nothing really to talk about right now. Hoping to get on a call or two this week. The hard part is being on the phone for several hours each night, when that is the time to spend with our daughters before they go to bed. We could set something up to get on after the girls get to bed but not sure if that's something we can do on a regular occasion.

 

Been reading and praying again. Pink fell asleep last night before I could pray with her so I just prayed over her as she slept and have been reading 10 minutes a day.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Flyboy;

Thanks for posting an update; so glad that things are going well for you and Pink. I saw this post by Kimberly on another thread; these are ONLY suggestions here for a few ways to bless your wife while you work on the childcare arrangements for next weekend. Remember, a date doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive; the most important thing here is to let her know you thought of her; what she likes; sometimes it's just simple, caring things; done with a loving attitude; that mean the most!

Hope this helps you keep moving forward in learning how to love and bless her with Christlike love!

 

 

Some suggestions:

 

"Go to Botanical Gardens, or places of History, a museum

 

Movie night...get the $1.00 movies and watch more than one. Popcorn.

 

Get out the china and candles...rose petals..order pizza and dine like a Prince and Princess.

 

Play games..Battleship, Scrabble Phase 10..whatever you like

 

Go out for breakfast for a date...much cheaper than dinner!!

 

Take a Sunday drive..Take pictures along the way...make a collage...

 

Start a Date Night scrapbook...and make a date to work on putting it together..

 

Buy an inexpensive gift and hide it...make a treasure map she has to follow to find it!!

 

Go to Lowe's and dream...pick out your dream kitchen...

 

Take a drive and get ides for your dream house..landscaping ideas and the like

 

Do a project together that is fun...go to Salvation army and pick up a cute little chair or table...paint it something bright and colorful...you will always have it as a reminder you did it together.

 

Go to a local play/entertainment...College or High School campuses...free!!

 

Go to a Christian coffehouse...

 

Many CHurches have CHristian Bands come...free.

 

Eat at home...have dessert out

 

Go out to a fancy restaurant but order an appetizer instead of dinner.

 

Go to Barnes and Noble and look at Books...have a cup of coffee...

 

Pastry shops for dessert."

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I have been talking to my brother trying to set something up so that we can do a child care swap so hopefully we can get something going for next weekend. My mom would be fine to watch all three girls but she works nights and has kind of a random schedule these days. Their dad isn't going to see them for about another month so we can't rely on him. My mom should be going into a few days off close to next weekend so that is another avenue that I hope can pan out for a date night next weekend.

 

Besides that nothing really to talk about right now. Hoping to get on a call or two this week. The hard part is being on the phone for several hours each night, when that is the time to spend with our daughters before they go to bed. We could set something up to get on after the girls get to bed but not sure if that's something we can do on a regular occasion.

 

Been reading and praying again. Pink fell asleep last night before I could pray with her so I just prayed over her as she slept and have been reading 10 minutes a day.

 

Please stay "plugged in" and keep posting -- so that the momentum towards an OHM will continue ::love

 

prayerfully,

June of

Link to post
Share on other sites

We wound up taking the girls over to my mom's house since she had a very rare weekend off. She watched them while Pink and I went out and burned the town down...ok we were a little off our "normal" game but we did get out and have some fun. I'll let Pink fill in the details if she wants.

 

Other than that things have been going fairly well. A little bit of a step back week before last with my attitude but Pink called attention to it and I corrected myself. I am still trying to make romance a daily part of living here. Let me restate that, I am trying to make romance that SHE likes a daily part of life. May be not the same exact thing but a mixture of a few different things so it doesn't get old for her.

 

We are able to work through those little issues that we couldn't before, which would then turn in to big issues. I am sure that there are things that I am missing here, so hopefully Pink can fill in the rest.

 

Thanks again!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Mrs.Clean

Flyboy,

 

I was just wondering what could be more important than keeping your word to your wife and us?

 

What happened with the lie detector test?

 

What about the calls?

 

What about getting on the forum?

 

Take Care,

Julie

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Flyboy,

 

I was just wondering what could be more important than keeping your word to your wife and us?

 

What happened with the lie detector test?

 

What about the calls?

 

What about getting on the forum?

 

Take Care,

Julie

 

we are still wondering

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
Posted 27 October 2010 - 05:46 PM

By Kathy:

 

What does a 'Hero" look like?

 

How can you spot a real man? How can you spot a hero? Have you ever seen the bumper sticker that says "Real men pray.' Let me tell you something else that 'REAL MEN' do. They love their children's mother. They treat her with respect and honor, valuing her. They put a high value upon her. A REAL MAN can show emotions. He can say "I love you” to his wife.

 

A REAL MAN can care how his wife feels and the hurts that she may have.

 

A REAL MAN cares about how he has treated his wife, owns up to his issues and apologizes.

 

A REAL MAN does not hide behind his work, his sports, his hobbies, his buddies, to avoid intimacy.

 

A REAL MAN loves to see his bride smile and wants to find more ways of making her smile, knowing the seeds he is sowing will come back to him.

 

Ultimately, a REAL MAN wins in the long run.

 

When he makes “it” all about her “first” then she in return, WILL make it all about him.

 

Here are a few 'rare' examples of what a 'Hero' looks like.

 

A 'hero' looks like "Jack” (yes, Jack Bauer. Smile) who came to our last "Intensive." The testimony letters that you read above were from Jack and his wife, Mary.

 

Jack, who had been in adultery for 12 years and used drugs and alcohol, began to realize that either he was going to lose his family or be dead - one of the two.

 

By the time the "Intensive" was over, not only did he see himself, but saw what his lifestyle had done to his family. He saw the hurt, the pain, the mistrust and the insecurity it brought to his two beautiful daughters.

 

Jack and Mary didn't know if they were going to be able to make it to the intensive, but both the girls told them that they needed to go.

 

A lot was riding on this weekend for those two girls, and they got their "miracle." They got a father who was willing to stand up and be their 'hero.'

A man who was willing to own up to his issues.

 

A man who was willing to take a stand and do what he needed to do to make things right.

 

He had to fix things with his family. He had made his wife look like the wicked witch in their eyes.

 

He had to apologize to his mother-in-law, and own up to the damage he had caused her daughter.

 

Here was a man, who had just become a man. He was willing to go home and tell his daughters, “everything is gonna be alright.”

 

That is a man, we can all be proud of and call a 'hero.' Thus the testimonies of his wife that you read above.

 

 

 

What does a 'hero' look like? A hero looks like 'Tom' of Tom and Kristin (see "Livin’ it and Lovin’” it for their testimonies - at the end of chapter 1 and Chapter 2)

 

What does a 'hero' look like? A 'hero' looks like 'Randy' of Randy and Susan. See their story in chapter 21 of 'living it and loving it.' You read their testimony in our last newsletter. They came to an intensive. A week later, he was down on his knees, diamond ring in hand, asking her to marry him all over again!

 

What does a 'hero' look like? It looks like the man that “William” is becoming. William is 79. Janet is 73. He had never seen his parents show any affection at all. So when he married his fist wife (she passed away after 40 years of marriage) he didn't show her affection.

 

When he marries Janet, who LOVES hugs and kisses, it took him totally by surprise. She wanted this kind of attention all the time!

 

When they came to our seminar, it was great. He really had the easiest job out of all the men there. Just give her lots of hugs and kisses, and adjust your evening schedule just a little and you will have a very happy wife. This he has done. He even lets her sit on his lap!

 

Wow~ you are never to old to have a new beginning in your life. Our prayer is that these next 20 years of their life will be the 'BEST' years.

 

What does a 'hero' look like? Well, I can't talk about 'what does a hero look like' without mentioning my own 'hero.' (Read both books and you will see why.)

 

He continues to be my hero. In our last newsletter, I wrote “What does a great marriage look like?” You can read that to see why Joel is my 'hero.’

 

This is the life that we live, every day. These aren't "Hey, we need some good material for our newsletters �" so I think I will do something nice." Then Kathy will write about it. No, this is our daily life and this can be YOUR daily life.

 

There are so many more 'heroes' I could mention.

 

Welcome to the 'Hero's ' club. That is, welcome to all those husbands whose wives are happy and bragging about you.

 

Welcome to the "heroes' club" the club that is filled with those husbands who choose to lay down their lives for their wives as Christ did for his 'bride."

 

Welcome to those fathers who have decided that their children matter and want to “pass on a better inheritance” to their children's children. An inheritance is more than just money. It is more than just things. It is more than just a roof over their head and food on the table.

 

A real man leaves an “inheritance” that is everlasting: A happy home. A home where their father loved their mother and was an example of Christ to them. You say, “I have not been that kind of man.” “You can be!”

 

To those husbands whose wives have given up (See Joel’s article on “God Hates Divorce” to follow in this newsletter) and decided that divorce was her only other option: You still have a chance to be a 'hero.'

 

You still have a chance to be a hero before God and a hero before your children.

 

The "Word of God" says, “if it is in your power to do right, do right."

 

Men, it IS within your power to do right, so do right. Become the man that God has called you to be.

 

If you do this, you can be proud of yourself and stand before God with clean hands.

 

If you do this, your children will begin to see a Christ like example.

 

If you do this, you might just win your wife's heart back, even after the divorce is final.

 

This happened for Paul and Judy Hegstrom and it can happen for you and your wife. It happened for Randy and Susan. It has happened to many others who have read our books and put the words into ACTION.

 

What God does for one, he can do for another. So, be that "hero' that your wife and family needs. Be that 'hero' that you can look at in the mirror everyday and say, "With God's help and Grace, I can live this life, I can grow up and become the man that God wants me to be. I WILL BECOME THAT HERO!"

Love and Blessings!

 

 

Joel of Joel and Kathy

 

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/3676-what-does-a-hero-look-like/

 

 

so be a hero, Flyboy -- and post on the forum -- get re-engaged with DOing what you should to bring healing to your bride.

 

do not be concerned with whether or not YOU ARE right -=- or not -- it does NOT MATTER as pertains to you and bringing healing to Pink.... HER FEELINGS are right -- they are HER feelings.

 

prayerfully,

June of

Link to post
Share on other sites

are you man enough to want to know HOW to agape-love your bride?

 

"http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/4231-what-does-agape-love-look-like/"

or click on:

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/4231-what-does-agape-love-look-like/

 

drawing close to the Lord WHILE you are walking this out in action towards your bride -- this is how you BOTH grow, how you become a MAN, a Christlike husband, a Christian man... and bringing healing to your bride.

 

you DO realize that as a one-flesh union, that when you are bringing healing to Pink, that you are also bringing healing to yourself... correct?

and that this continued self-absorption and outwards blaming, coddling your own desires are doing nothing except hurting Pink, THUS the BOTH of you, correct?

 

 

when will you make the choice, Jeremy?

 

 

 

June of

Edited by June & Ward
verifying questions added
Link to post
Share on other sites
Pure In Heart posted to another husband:

Posted Today, 03:50 PM

DW,

 

When C2 is responding to you it is because YOU have caused that very reaction in her. Initiate /Response IS Cause and Effect. I like to say it is like, emotional physics. For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. That is the nature of a woman's heart, designed and created by God this way. You can not undo God's design of marriage. You either come into agreement with the truth of His Word or you go against the Almighty. There is only two choices. God has made it simple. The bottom line, DW is that these truths are to be believed and received by faith or rejected. There is no duplicity in God.

 

You are misinterpreting her responses. Her responses intersect with your ungodliness and/or Christ-like love. When you react to her emotions or have self-focused feelings about her feelings, you have come into disagreement with God's truth about WHO you are as a MALE/MAN. Masculinity prescribes to initiation at all times. That initiation is life or death. Loving or unloving. Initiation can be giving your wife a smile or reacting to her when she points out something in you that needs correction.

 

What causes further problems in the relationship is NOT the crime or sin itself but thecover up. This is where defending yourself and justifying abusive behavior comes in. It is to a man's greatness when he allows his help-meet to uncover or point this out. He then can understand what agreement with God about what LOVE is and what it truly looks and acts like. Without her responses he remains helpless or clueless. Then he can be forgiven, cleansed and changed. It is your reactions to her responses that uncover in you your moral failures. If you would SEE this truth, hearing from your help-meet will be seen from a completely different mind-set and you will grow more quickly and experience the FULLNESS of His Spirit.

 

God created you to be the SOURCE from which life and strength would come. It proceeds out of you. Everything can be traced back to what the SOURCE is giving out. Just as God took out of Adam the raw materials from which woman was created. Adam was the SOURCE (rib/side) from which God took her. God did this for a glorious reason. We can see the connection as we look forward to the Cross when the Roman soldier pierced through Christ's side and the Church was (Bride) birthed.

 

When a man questions God's Word he puts himself on the side of selfishness. Selfishness produces disconnect in relationships. Your relationship to your wife and God. Neither your wife nor God has moved. You have moved away from them by making up your own truth about about what it looks like to be a husband. When you are demanding that you are RIGHT you are judging her responses and/or emotions. You are criticizing her. Your thinking is, If she is right, then I am wrong. I am bad. That is NOT the purpose for her correction. The purpose is to reveal to you that something is amiss that is keeping you from being connected to her heart and thus from God's free movement of blessing, honor and favor in your life. She also knows this. She actually WANTS you to KNOW God's presence and involvement at all times in your life. It is not just to make you FEEL bad about yourself. Her only focus and interest is to be rightly interacting with her husband in ways that are God-honoring because her husband is representing Christ's love to her. Many a husband makes the mistake of thinking she is trying to shame him or guilt him. Those filters are from YOUR Arrested Development and/or Mother/Son issues coming up. Your reactions have nothing to do with her. They come from what is already IN the HEART of a man.

 

When a wife points out to her husband something that is causing hurt or uneasiness in her spirit, she has a knee-jerk response inside of her because the boundary line of holiness and the safety of a loving relationship has been breached. Her responses are like a warning system to the husband that relationship with God is hindered and obstructed. Her assignment and obedience to God is being a help-meet. You are punishing her for being WHO God created her to be. This is her function and very role as a wife and as a Godly woman. You are not only being arrogant and SELF-righteous with her but with God also.

 

It is NOT that she is asking you never to fail or sin. Being perfect means you are growing in maturity. She is there to cheer you onto the finish line and to steer you on this course at the same time. Her spirit knows relationship. Love can only be birthed and nurtured within relationships. It is the reason God loves us because He LONGS and YEARNS to connect to His creation. He desires to connect to His children and have a family. He designed marriage to represent God's heart toward us. It is a perfect picture of intimacy and oneness just as there is oneness in the Godhead. The differences between men and women also illustrate the different roles the Trinity plays in our lives. How a Bridegroom loves a Bride is a mystery and secret of God's own heart that shows us every facet of love and relationship.

 

God is not about beating you up. He is about recognizing when the flesh man comes up and acknowledging what is stopping the progress (maturity) and the Christ-like man from coming forth. This is important to understand because it has more to do with your relationship with Christ. When you are unloving YOU stop the flow of God. You tie God's hands because God can only honor obedience to the truth. It is being in the truth that keeps you relationship with Jesus secure and you experiencing the freedom that walking in truth gives you. The grace and mercy of God is always available. When you have left the path of loving your wife, then repent and change your mind into agreement with God. Apologize to her and get back on the good path. That is the wonder of her warm and grace-filled responses to your humility. A wife is LIKE the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has no interest in condemning you or giving up on you. The Holy Spirit leads and guides you into all truth. He convinces you and convicts you of any sin. Your sinful man does not represent the character of God. That man is to be reckoned dead. That man will always be there but the fleshly man's influence becomes less and less as the Christ-like man emerges. That man is walking in love because he is walking after the Spirit. The works of the flesh decrease and the fruit of the Spirit increase in you.

 

All this CAN happen from loving your wife!!!

 

You are frustrated and confused, NOT because your wife is wrong but because your sinful nature wants to resist TRUTH. That is what the fleshly and carnal man does naturally. Resisting your Bride is NOT righteous or being rightly related. The only reason a man would want to resist his wife is because of undealt sin issues in the man. When you defend, argue, make a case, and justify your actions you are making excuses for being abusive. When you listen to her hurt and receive her with joy (love rejoices in the truth) both of these are leading you to growth and change. She is helping you BECOME, by trial and error, so to speak, a good man.

 

Only a man who will face himself and see his need for change can receive the very grace of God to overcome his sinful nature. God has given you the very HELP you need in a wife to facilitate understanding those very issues. If you resist listening to her responses or the effects of YOUR behavior and choose to ignore her responses, then you can not grow in the love of God. Her finely tuned emotional responses are exactly corresponding to your actions. The rib God took out of Adam is actually the perfect mirror reflection of the man. She is your counter-part. That is why she is the responder. God's creation act in making the female is so there could be a receiver and vessel to carry the life and strength of God's Spirit. She is the carrier and receptacle of LIFE. She produces the fruit of and multiplies whatever seed he gives, whatever action or inaction he initiates, whatever he supplies her. She is the container. Her responses, therefore can not be misguided or wrong but are the natural outflow of what is supplied her. That is the meaning of being a mirror to you.

 

God's marriage principles have the weightiness of His own Holiness backing up His truth. God is not asking you to to be sin conscious but Bride (other) conscious. We are telling you clearly HOW to overcome those moral failures within and HOW to develop the character of a Christ-like man. Having a true, undivided and single devotion is a spiritual principle or truth that has the power to change you. Whatever your soul beholds or thinks about, or fixates upon is what you will become. Whatever your focus is will expand and enlarge. The Lord is MAGNIFIED or swelled up in your life. When you focus on loving a wife, the boundaries of your heart are enlarged. Your anointing increases, favor increases, and LOVE increases. Why? Because His Word says, Christ IN YOU, the hope of glory. You have this GLORY in an earthen vessel. God's glory is seen in you!! The inward man is changing from glory to glory. You are a GLORY container!! Jesus has already said, this maturity comes by LOVE; To love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength AND to LOVE your neighbor as yourself. Your FIRST neighbor IS your wife and family. You are a husband and Ephesians 5 has also given you this command and charge. That is where the journey to knowing God's love starts and grows from there. God knows if you will learn to truly love a wife, that this will take a concerted effort on your part and the empowerment of God to do so. You will learn, first-hand HOW to lay down your life and die to your fleshly nature once and for all. You will grow in maturity and closer to the image of His dearly Beloved Son. He can then trust you to love others and entrust others to your ministry and care.

 

Kimberly

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...