My heart aches am I am truly lost

[SSGVinyard]

I need help to save my marriage. I need help coming to god and being the man that my wife can be proud to be with, the man that she deserves! Any help would be appreciated. I cheated on my wife and she deserves better, *I want to be that better!

[SSGVinyard]

I CHEATED ON MY WIFE, DENIED MY WIFE AND MY CHILDREN. i SET UP EMAIL ACCOUNTS SO THAT i COULD FLIRT AND MEET OTHER WOMEN! i LIED TO HER AND OTHERS ABOUT IT, HID THE TRUTH!

 

a YEAR OR SO AGO i MET ANOTHER WOMAN THAT WAS ALSO MARRIED. WE SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER AND DID THINGS THAT ONLYA TRUE MARRIED COUPLE SHOULD DO. HER HUSBAND FOUND OUT AND i CONSPIRED TO HIDE THE TRUTH FROM NOT ONLY HIM AND THE WOMAN BUT FROM MY OWN FAMILY AS WELL!!

 

I am lost and don't know where to begin to become what she deserves. I love her I truly do. And my heart would be lost without her.

[SSGVinyard]

She says that she doesnt love me anymore and that she looks back on these years as a waste. my question is did she ever think I truly loved her? Is there anyway she can still love me?

 

I don't know.....I am currently serving in Afghanistan and I don't know. I fell that I don't have ANY reason to come home. My heart aches at her wishing I would get hit by an IED. And I cant sleep knowing that she won't be there when I get off that plane.

 

I know that I made my bed! I know that i must suffer the consequences of my actions but regardless of that I TRULY don't want to live at all without her!

[For Him For Her]

SSGVinyard,

 

I have two questions. One about your marriage and one about you.

 

Have you starting reading the books?

 

Have you accecpted Christ as your Savior?

 

This will be our staring point in guiding you on your journey of becoming a Christ-like man.

 

God Bless

David

[SSGVinyard]

1. No, I cannot afford them. I am in the U.S. Army and I am currently deployed to Afghanistan. I have no way to pay for the books

 

2. yes, but i havent the 1st clue how to let him work through me. I me i know the steps, i grew up with a christian father. What I am REALLY unsure of is HOW to to do it, where to start, and how to feel the change through all that I do. I have read the Bible, but i have no idea how to use it. it's kinda like reading stereo instructions in chinese, you see the pictures you get the general idea but you don't know enough of the finer points to make it ACTUALLY work.

[For Him For Her]

SSGVinyard,

 

You can go to the God save my marriage link at the top of this page and find an exerpt of the books. I am not sure how much free time you have over there but after sleep and food, read the exerpt and every single post in the men's section that you are currently posting in.Start at the last page and read forward.

Thank you so much for your courage and duty in protecting our right to the religious freedom which this country was founded on.You will have to look at your journey ahead as a combat mission.The enemy is Satan and he IS the greatest foe you will every go up against.You are not fighting your wife or anyone on this forum.

We will help you as long as you remain teachable. This is going to be HARD but you face hard every single day. This mission is a take out the enemy at ALL cost. You are going to die(carnally). If you accomplish this mission you will receive something better than any Purple heart or Bronze Star. You will have the heart of Jesus living inside you.

 

God Bless

David

[SSGVinyard]

I know I will have my salvation. As some one said to my face today....I will know my verdict BEFORE the judgement.

 

I cannot fathom though why God would let me be SOOOO wicked, so CRUEL to the woman that I cannot even think about living without!

 

But as for the here and now, I am lost and i dont think I am strong enough to live my life without her!!!

 

"True love is the soul's recognition of it's counterpoint in another!"

[For Him For Her]

SSGVinyard,

 

God didn't allow you to do anything to your wife or the other women you de-fouled.God has given us all explicate instructions in how to treat our wives and all others. You chose to listen to your enemy's whispers.

 

One more thing before you start reading. Your wife can NEVER be your life source only God Our Father and Jesus Christ can be that for you.You can read my thread if you so choose.I struggled early on with your same fears.

 

This is a marathon not a sprint. This will take longer than you want or expect but as long as you are following God's direction, it will be in perfect timing.

 

God Bless

David

[Guest]

SSG Vineyard,

 

Okay...first things first, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? If you don't, first thing you need to do is ask Him into your heart, ask him to forgive your sins.

 

If you need help with this, let us know.

 

Next, you need to distance yourself from the person who you had the affair with. BIG DISTANCE. If she is in the same town, she needs to move or you need to move. That will show your wife that you are serious about changing things.

 

Is your wife still with you? Are you living together, separated, divorced? Does she know about the affair?

 

You need to order BOTH books right now so thatyou can begin to understand WHY you have done what you have done. The first part of the remedy is knowing WHY.

 

So...

 

1. Pray

2. Get the books

3. Pray some more

4. Read the books

 

Come back here and answer my questions about your relationship and we'll try to help you.

 

Also, there are conference calls 6 nights a week. You can find information about them on this website as well. Try to get on a conference call as soon as possible. Introduce yourself and see where it goes from there. Often you can glean VERY good advice from the moderator. Even if you don't get a turn to talk, you can learn A LOT from the other couples who are on receiving counseling.

 

Take Care,

Julie

[Pure in Heart]

S,

 

I posted this on another man's thread and thought it may help you to get an overview also of God's design for marriage. To help you grasp the big picture.

 

The big picture starts with you.

 

Ephesian 5:25; "husbands lay down (or give) your life for your wife." It is your instruction by God to you as a husband. Lest you are overwhelmed by that whole Chapter 5, I will focus on that one Scripture.

 

The goal of this ministry is to teach men HOW to become Christ-like. This is whether or not you ever win your wife's heart back. Your deepest need as a man is that you are transformed into the image of Jesus Christ. As a Christian you know this. As a husband this probably has not been the focal point in your life. In all fairness, and because of some ignorance, you do not know HOW to be that man. Paul writing there in the context of marriage gives us understanding into God's heart and thinking; that a husband loving his wife like Christ would bring about a transformation in that man. Marriage is the perfect environment to teach a man Christ-like love(agape).

 

Now, since God's Word says that loving a wife IS giving his life in exchange for her life, just as Christ did for His Bride (Church), then this will take dying. I imagine the picture there would give a pretty clear indication that dying is not easy just as the act of dying for us meant Christ's life. You do not die ON a Cross you identify with a Cross by picking it up daily and pushing your fleshly man aside to bring life to your wife...and even to yourself...as you are renewed in your spirit man and mature spiritually as well.

 

That leads us to the earlier verses in Ephesians 5, when Paul writes, for the husband is the head of the wife. Now, head in Scripture is translated wrongly to mean "over" The verse does not even make common sense there, even not being some Greek scholar. God's Word makes it clear throughout Scripture that the Godhead(Trinity) are equals. One is not deemed above the other, as in hierarchy. The literature of Paul's day used "head" to mean something different from what other scholars translated it to mean centuries later.

 

 

Head (kephale) means, "Source of Life and Strength"...It is that God is the GIVER of life...even of His only begotten Son..."For God so loved the world...He gave".. is the central message of the Gospel, as we read in John 3:16... God is the Source of all things. He is the author and the originator, Creator and initiator. Christ initiated Salvation. He went first. He is the first-born among many brethren. He is the first-fruits offering of God's Salvation. He died to bring forth life. Jesus did not ask you (His Bride) to die for Him....He died for you even while you were yet a sinner and hated Him.

 

That is what it means that you are the head. You are a source of life and strength to your wife. You are like Christ and you go FIRST in your marriage. You initiate life and strength to a wife. You are her Source. You are a giver and a bridegroom which distinguishes your role as a husband in marriage. You take the initiative in ALL areas of your marriage..you provide, give love, give forgiveness, give spiritually, give of yourself by preferring her and giving her honor first, first place above all others....etc.

 

A wife is God's Word is a Responder...Titus 2:4;

the word for love there is philandros love(phileo) or warm, responsive love. It is the only place in Scripture God mentions the love of a wife.

 

So you have initiate/response. You sow life and she responds. Because you are a sinful man and not as Christ is sinless; you have sown or given your wife wounds and pain and hurt. Since she is a responder she will respond in her emotions to your sinful behavior and it will directly effect her negatively. Her heart will respond by shutting down to protect herself from further wounding. She will also respond to life and love. Her response or emotional reaction back to you will show you a corresponding action that came from the source...or something you gave out to her...or initiated. Different words, same meanings. Same results in the heart of a wife.

 

For example:

 

Yelling and anger EQUALS fear and backing off from the relationship in her.

 

Love EQUALS loving response back and reciprocated feelings of love for him.

 

The problem, is that husbands have given or initiated far MORE damaging and abusive behaviors toward a wife than loving her the way she needed to be loved, and that it EQUALS closing off her heart.

 

Eventually she shuts down and the husband BLAMES her. Can you see how that is abusive to her and you try to be let off the hook for your responsibility in what you chose to give her heart to exist in the marriage on.

 

When a husband realizes this very truth of initiate/response... he can then change his behavior, words, attitudes and actions to be Christ-like toward his wife....recreate a loving atmosphere for her to learn to TRUST him again...and she will eventually respond again to his LOVE. This takes time because you hurt her and she does NOT trust that you will NOT hurt her again. When you are consistent and determine to love her...then she will respond to her husband. To rebuild trust...YOU must get out of the way (die to all those old, carnal, and hurtful behaviors)and make it all about your wife's emotions. At the beginning you have to fix the damage first that you did to get her to feel safe again with you. This is why you need to be broken and sorrowful over what your actions have caused. You apologize to her for what you have done to her.

 

This takes time and is different for every wife depending on the depth of emotional wounding and abuse form you. SHE gets to determine how much YOU have hurt her not YOU.

 

God created her heart to be a mirror or reflection back to you of the condition of your heart. That mirroring is one of the meanings of the word help-meet, as God called her in Genesis 3. She is created by God to be the very one who points out your ungodly behavior. Her heart, especially her emotions and spirit will show you where you are missing the mark(sin). She is the gauge of your Christ-likeness.

 

However your wife appears...is what your condition as a husband is. God has a clear picture of who you are by the condition your wife is in. If she was loved, cherished, nourished, washed as Ephesians 5, tells you then she would have been that clear reflection of what Christ's love looks like.

 

Therefore, God holds you responsible because your are her source and if her source has not given her life and strength then the Source IS the problem, not the wife.

 

Responding to you IS her role. It is WHO she is created to be as a woman. Being a help-meet is HOW she reflects God in her life and her role in the marriage.

 

The reason then that we are telling you that your marriage is NOT in a good place is becuase YOU are not in a good place and must not be a good husband. Your wife is showing(responding) to whatever YOU have given to her or withheld from her. Your sinful behavior has caused her damage and pain in this marriage. That is why all we have to do is look at the wife to understand where the husband is missing it.

 

Men because they do not know HOW to love a wife and because of their pride and ego do not want to admit they are the problem.

 

They use all kinds of weapons in their personal arsenal to keep their wife under their control and not allow her to express the wounds he caused or present her deepest needs. He would rather live in denial than humble himself. Her NEED FOR LOVE (which is exactly how God created a woman)is misunderstood by him to be manipulation or control. She has the right, given to her by God to be loved and cherished AND as the husband vowed to do.

 

Husbands generally have determined HOW to love their wife even though this is NOT at all what that man's wife NEEDS to be loved. He does not have the right, nor has he ever had the right to tell her what SHE NEEDS. She knows what she needs.

 

Because men do not want to face themselves (even though their wife's condition reveals them); they try and hide and control so they will not be found out. They use all kinds of abusive behaviors against her...yelling, rage, anger, denial, not listening, ignoring her, underhandedly putting her down, making her feel less than, disapproval, off-handed remarks, resistance, lust, porn, self-gratifying, second looks, emotional involvement with other women, adultery, addictions, work, job, his interests and career coming first, putting others in front of her and on and on...

 

This causes devastation to the marriage because the husband is not humble, teachable or will be corrected. They are in essence NOT like Christ.

 

That is a nutshell version of the Spiritual Principles that govern marriage. If you want to know more about your role or her role as a help-meet i can give you more.

 

I pray this helps you grasp God's amazing design of marriage.

 

You CAN change. You CAN become a Christ-like husband. You CAN win her heart back.

 

 

PIH

[SSGVinyard]

1. I have prayed

2. cant afford the books, I am in Afghanistan

3. I am praying more

4. still cant afford the books

 

i am broken, and not fully sure that I even deserve to be fixed at this point!

[Guest]

SSG,

 

It is not about "deserving" at this point. That is the point of grace. Grace is a gift that NONE of us deserve, yet Christ died on the cross for our sins so that we could be saved.

 

So, whether you deserve it or not, Christs sacrifice has been given...it is up to you to accept it, or not.

 

You can live life abundantly, because that is His plan, or you can beat yourself up forever over your sin. Your choice.

 

You can read most of the first book for free online. Go to the main page and click, "download a free excerpt." That is almost all of the first book...start with that.

 

You didn't answer the other questions...which will help us help you in your situation.

 

Does your wife know about the affairs?

 

Is the woman still in contact with you?

 

Is your wife planning on leaving you or divorcing you? Where is she emotionally and mentally with this?

 

Take Care,

Julie

[SSGVinyard]

yes she knows, I was found out when the woman contacted her. (fyi there were other women as well, i wasnt a good person)

 

no i dont talk to her anymore

 

and I dont know if my wife is planning on leaving me but i have given her no reaon to stay! she is actually on this site as well, her name is Kerlina (unique so not question who she is) i do know that she hates me, and with good reason. She's hurt, devastated and feels betrayed, again with good reason.

[Guest]

Okay...well, if she is on this website, then that is good.

 

I'm not at all surprised that there are/were other women. Alduterers don't stop until they are forced to.

 

Although, that doesn't do anything to help her pain.

 

Well, since she is here...and I believe I have actually posted to her...then that is very hopeful.

 

Right now, if she does not want you to speak to her, then my reccomendation would be to respect her wishes.

 

If you can, read the free excerpts as soon as possible. Then we can start helping you with an apology letter to your wife. Is it possible to get on calls from Afganistan? (I think NO, but I just had to ask...) I know some people use Skype?

 

It would be great to have some counsel from some men...so I am going to put a message out there for some male helpers to assist you.

 

Also...first things first...FLEE from sin and temptation at this point. Don't look at ANY women, don't look at ANY pornography. Do NOT self gratify. You have to STOP those things in order to bring healing to your wife. If there is any hope of her desiring a reconcililation, you must SHOW her through your actions that you can and will change.

 

If the woman is around you, make changes in your schedule, talk to your boss (I don't know what the term is in the military) and tell him what is going on and get a different assignment. Do whatever you can to be removed from ANY contact with this woman or women.

 

I would say that you should also begin trying to contact your wife in ways that SHE IS COMFORTABLE with...maybe e mail? But read the free excerpt of the book first, because it will help you understand WHY this was a problem for you, and it will also help you understand what your wife needs from you.

 

Right now, your wife VERY MUCH runs the show. Her feelings and needs are paramount.

Take Care,

Julie

[Pure in Heart]

SSGVineyard,

 

Christianity for God's intent and purpose is NOT a religious system. It is NOT an organized world religion. It is at its core a RELATIONSHIP with God. Men have defined and formulated "religion" based on the differences in their DOCTRINES. All other religious systems besides the Judeo-Christian ethic and/or value system is based in a Man to God paradigm. Christianity is premised on a God to man paradigm. In other words, "God with us" NOT "God removed from us."

 

The Scriptural term "born-again" is in a statement made by Jesus to Nicodemus in John Chapter 3. Jesus was trying to explain salvation to a Jewish leader of the day in terms he could understand. Jesus compared salvation to being born-again, also called the new birth. In the Gospels Jesus often referred to salvation/kingdom in terms of a SEED. In Acts it was called The Way and most notably the term salvation or being saved was used by Paul extensively. Peter referred to salvation as being born again as in 1Peter 1:23 :

"For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God."

 

Jesus' (Yeshua) own NAME means in Hebrew, "the Savior, the one who will save His people from their sins." Save us from what? Jesus basically saved us from everlasting/eternal separation from our Father. God is Holy and can not be in the presence or allow sin to dwell with Him. How would God remedy this?

 

Jesus explained to Nicodemus that just as we are born the first time from our mother's womb(water and blood during the birthing process) so there is another birth in the spiritual. Jesus told him, "We do not enter again into our mother's womb," but our spirits; because of the death sin brings is not alive. (Our spirits are so to say, black and they have no life in them.) Isaiah says, "For your sins were as scarlet but Jesus would make us white as snow and throw our sins as far as the east is from the west.) The only way to make us alive again in our spirit man is to have the Holy Spirit through repentance and confession our need for the forgiveness Jesus purchased for us on the Cross.

 

When Jesus died, the Roman soldier pierced a sword through His side, spilling out water and blood together. This is symbolic of the second birth also called the birth of the second Adam. Paul said it, Christ in us, (by the Spirit) our hope of glory. Whereas once we had "all fallen short of the glory of God," now we are literally partakers and have "birthed in us that same glory." Amazingly, it was also the birth of Christ's Bride(Church). As Adam's bride was taken from his side so is the Church created from Christ's side. Note: Here again we see what Paul called a mystery in Ephesians 5 and the importance of marriage as it relates to what Christ has called a husband to be to his bride. The imagery is breathtaking.

 

It is through His death that man's spirit could be made new or born again. Men relate and connect to God by their spirit man. Jesus said, we must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. How can we worship God if our spirit man is dead and under the penalty of death b/c of the results of sin? We are separated from God and do not know God. We do not have God's Spirit living inside us. It had been this way since the fall of man. For God to re-connect with His creation; a substitute, who was a perfect Lamb, without spot or blemish would have to die in man's place to satisfy God's wrath toward sin, the penalty(eternal separation/death), guilt, and shame of sin. Jesus explained this very truth to Nicodemus. Jesus said, "the Spirit is like the wind...you know the wind is there, you can see the results of it but you can not SEE it with the human eye." So it is Jesus declared, "with everyone who is born of the Spirit of God" or "born-again." Jesus said it would be the Holy Spirit who would lead men to an acknowledgment or conviction of their sin that separates them from relationship to God. The Holy Spirit convinces men by reason of explanation, that sin brings judgment. God's justice demands that evil/wrong is made right/or righteous.

 

In the early Christian Church the Book of Acts records that they were called "Christians" or Christ followers. They even had a symbol of the fish they used to identify themselves as they were in a time of terrible persecution and this symbol would distinguish them to others. People that were Christians would recognize it and they would know they could trust that person. Since Christians were not welcome in the synagogues of the time they would gather in homes to break bread, read the disciples Gospels, letters and worship God and to be taught. They had to be a close knit group as they had many adversaries to the preaching of the Gospel or Good News. Good news simply means that God forgives our sin by Jesus death and not only this but God puts within our spirit man a new nature, like His. A nature that no longer is at enmity with God but wants to follow God. That is why God's Word says prophetically through Ezekiel...that, "I will put My Spirit in them and I will replace their hard hearts or stony hearts with a heart of flesh to do My will." He will no longer direct us from merely outward laws and commandments but write God's laws on our hearts and in our minds. Simply put, it is impossible for a man to obey and follow God without that man's spirit being made "born-again" or awakened to God's Spirit. The theological term for this is called Regeneration. The process of walking this out and learning HOW to follow God, be changed in attitude and behavior, and know Him is called Sanctification. God taking our place or exchanging His life for ours b/c we could not save ourselves..thus forgiving our sins and bringing us back into connection or fellowship with God, the Father is called Propitiation. Jesus taking on Himself our separation from God, the guilt of sin, its shame and fear of punishment is called Expiation. It is a wonder, astounding, a marvel what Jesus has done for us...Jesus left nothing at all undone when His blood was spilled at Calvary. With His own blood He opened up a NEW and Better way, a NEW COVENANT. The reason for this is God had established in the OLD COVENANT what would constitute the requirements for the forgiveness of sin. God spoke to Moses and told him, "that without a blood sacrifice or the shedding of blood there could be no forgiveness/or remission of sin. The Old Testament only COVERED over our sin it did not COMPLETELY remove it nor did it change our sinful natures. The blood of bulls and goats could not satisfy God's holiness. It was temporary and a foreshadowing of Christ, the perfect Lamb of God. Salvation is also laden with legal ramifications. It is a legal transaction/covenant by an agreement of parties/witnesses that sin had been satisfied according to God's requirements and would re-instate man as having dominion in the earth/natural realm. Satan had stolen our right to dominion, and overseeing God's creation in the Garden. By Christ's death God re-establishes our authority "In Christ". God had to become a living soul/man to save Adam's descendants/man.

 

The other confusion he has is: How then or does God speak to His children, those purchased with such a high price? What relationship could survive if there was only a one sided conversation? Why would our God go to such great lengths to save us and then NOT speak to us? The word "voice" in the NT alone is written more than 130 times!!!! The Greek word is the word we use as phone!! The best text to prove God speaks to us is John 10:1-18

 

"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them. Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-- just as the Father knows me and I know the Father--and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life--only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father."

 

God has always spoken to His children from Adam to us today. Yes, rarely does God speak in an audible voice but it has happened, as God SPOKE to Paul on the Road to Damascus and many others including modern day people.

 

God speaks by His Spirit to our spirits. The progression is: The mind (thoughts) of God are relayed to God's Holy Spirit and the Spirit speaks to our spirit and it is relayed to our minds(thoughts). God's Word says there are many ways God communicates with us. Peter declared that we would have dreams and visions (Joel 2's promise). God would speak through people (other Christians, the five fold ministry gifts which are Apostle, Prophet, Evangelist, Pastor and teachers). I Corinthians 14 explains the gifts of God's Spirit and that they speak to us also. God most often speaks or shows us something through the Bible or the preaching of His Word. God must speak or we could never know anything. It is ONLY the Spirit of God that leads and guides us into ALL truth. It is the same as any communication. Kay can look across a room and smile and Bob would KNOW without a word what she was saying. The word illuminate/light is almost the same Word as voice in the Greek. We KNOW things by God putting His finger on it (so to speak) and bringing a light into our conscience mind. We gain an understanding of what God is wanting TO SAY. God often speaks through others as in the prophetic, counsel, advice, correction/rebuke and encouragement. God communicates through a Bible verse, a song, a picture of art, a book. God is not out of ideas on His many ways to connect to us and LOVE on us. The purpose of communication is to know and be known. It is to love and be loved. God is so good to speak to us, to share His heart, His mind and will.

 

His other point he tried to make is that his relationship is personal. This is right but only to a certain degree. God connects to us and loves us INDIVIDUALLY and KNOWS us intimately. He knows our thoughts, dreams, desires, our pain, our struggles, our snares and captivity to certain sin issues. Yet, God does not save us only to engage us in relationship but so that we can be Christ to others. Our relationships effect others for good or bad. He can not say, never mind, leave me ALONE I have a personal relationship with God only. Our lives were bought with a price, we are not our own. We are made for His pleasure and to be an expression in the earth, like Jesus was of who God is and what His will is for mankind. We are now Christ;'s voice, His hands and feet to a lost world. We are an epistle to be read by all men. Jesus came so men could SEE what God looked like. Jesus showed others how God thought, how God acted and His heart toward people. Jesus openly NOT personally walked out a living. breathing picture of GOD!!! God forgives, loves, feels, thinks, has emotions, gets angry, cries and laughs, gets tired, thirsty, hungry, God heals, is kind, has compassion, has unending mercy and grace in our failures and mistakes, He teaches, preaches, and dies to Himself, and God sets people free from demonic oppression......Jesus was God with flesh and bone on Him. So are we now to our families, our co-workers, our communities, the world at large and in our places of worship. We are not an island. How we relate to Christ is openly seen by other people. The beautiful picture we have is that Jesus went to the Father to be filled up with Him so that He was empowered to then give out of that PERSONAL relationship to others.

 

Yes, are there the secret places, the hidden parts and moments you share with God alone? Of course. Are their the private thoughts of pain and anguish no human heart can know? Yes. Are there battles that rage within and questions, the wrestling of our faith, fears and doubts we often carry inside where no one else can see? Yes. Is there a solace and solitude, a stillness within God's embrace we often have the sweet comfort of knowing? Yes. It is out this connection with God though that comes a life of grace, mercy, comfort and reaching out to those who share our humanity and those who share our reality of God.

 

Pray this prayer....

 

Lord Jesus,

 

I believe you are the Son of God who came to die in my place and take my punishment for ALL of my sins. I believe your promise that you are my Savior and do forgive me. I receive you into my life as my Lord and Savior forever. Please take my life Jesus and help me to follow Your will and change me into a new man. Please teach me from this day on to be like you Jesus and heal my marriage. Please let me begin a new life and never go back.

 

I pray Jesus you would restore my marriage and help my wife's pain and heal her through my love because of your great love for me.

 

In Jesus Name and because of His shed blood on the Cross, I pray.

 

 

 

 

Kimberly

[Pure in Heart]

Please go to your Chaplain and confess your faith...Romans 10:9-10 says, "if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart Jesus is raised from the dead...then you ARE saved."

 

The next important step is to ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit. You will know you are baptized in His Spirit when you speak in tongues... also called your heavenly language. Do not be frightened of this. The purpose in this is to get God's POWER working in your life. If you have more questions please read the Book of Acts.

 

The next step is to ask to be water baptized. A Chaplain can baptize you.

 

I will walk you through this if you want. We are here for you.

 

PIH

[SSGVinyard]

When will the pain of all I have done to her leave me? I know that sounds shallow but my heart HURTS. I pray to God every chance I get for guidance. I ask his forgiveness. I pray that my wife will have peace that her heart and HER pain and the burden of knowing what i done will be lifted from her! I do all this and pray for my soldiers but the pain I feel is crippling and all consuming. I am trying to lay down my burden but it wont depart from me!!

 

I am reading the books and it helps but at the end of the night when I close my eyes after prayer all I feel is pain!

[SSGVinyard]

thank you for the prayer. I am starting to learn that the more you surround your self with the WORD and people who are trying to live in it, the better it is.

I still wish the pain of what i have done and the wickedness of it would be washed away from My wife. She is such a beautiful person (in looks, actions and spirit).

 

I am such a fool!

[SSGVinyard]

I am trying to honor her by giving her space and not think of me or project how I am feeling on her but its HARD! hard to not want to beg her, hard not to be able to hear her voice.

 

And its not guilt that makes me want these things, I LOVE HER!!!

 

Again, such a fool I am!

[SSGVinyard]

I know that the moderators/helpers here are busy but I REALLY need som advice on a question I came up with while reading the books!

 

Thank you for your time

[mathetes]

Hi SSGVinyard-

 

Go ahead and post your question, I'm sure someone will jump in and answer it to the best of their ability as soon as they can (it may be a helper, it may not be a helper in the official sense). Make sure you include the section of the book and which book prompted the question so it can be viewed in context.

 

 

I know that the moderators/helpers here are busy but I REALLY need som advice on a question I came up with while reading the books!

 

Thank you for your time

[SSGVinyard]

its not from any particular section just from the book as a whole...and its 2 questions:

 

1. When would it be appropriate for me to ask my wife is she is willing to help me be more "Christlike"?

 

2. Would it every be smart to ask her if she still loves me?? (it may seems shallow but Im curious)

[mathetes]

My advice would be that neither of those questions are appropriate at this time. They aren't really questions that would bring your wife healing in any way, they are questions to validate and comfort you, which isn't the point. You'll learn more about why you do that as you get further into the books. The life of a Christian is supposed to be a journey towards Christlikeness. That's what the sanctification Kimberly mentioned is. "Christian" doesn't mean I said a prayer once, I know something about who I prayed it to, and I show up at a church building on Sundays and the occasional Wednesday, it means, literally "little Christ" or "follower of Christ". When you follow someone, you do what they do. You need to determine in your own heart whether or not you are going to take the journey towards Christlikeness, with or without your wife - that is the question here. The Holy Spirit will teach you and guide you. Have you asked the LORD to fill you with his Spirit yet as Kimberly instructed you to do? How did that go? If you are in a place of "well, I'll give the Christlikeness thing a try as long as she's (your wife) willing to do her part (whatever that is in your mind)", then, please sir, do NOT involve your wife at this time. You're not ready yet.

 

Having said all that, given that your wife is here, and having read what she's written, my take (for what it's worth) is that you are definitely in a position to restore your marriage. It will require deep, real, and lasting change on your part, it will require you to go first, and my speculation is that she would need to see consistent, true, dramatic change for a period of time before she is able to begin to trust you again - in other words, you need to demonstrate change, not talk change. You initiate and allow her to respond. Once the trust can start to be rebuilt, things progress from there. Believe me when I tell you though, right now you need to focus on your relationship with GOD (while giving your wife what she asks of you right now). Kimberly (Pure in Heart) gave you a lot of wonderful instruction and advice. Were you able to absorb it and use it? Did you have any questions about any of it? Please don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask. We are here to help you, and as Christians, we get excited about additions to the family.

 

I don't think it would be very smart to ask her if she still loves you. She most likely wouldn't be spending time on a Christian marriage restoration forum if she didn't. Refusal to be abused isn't a lack of love, it's the presence of love for one's self.

 

Blessings!

 

 

 

its not from any particular section just from the book as a whole...and its 2 questions:

 

1. When would it be appropriate for me to ask my wife is she is willing to help me be more "Christlike"?

 

2. Would it every be smart to ask her if she still loves me?? (it may seems shallow but Im curious)

[SSGVinyard]

well said. and thank you!!! yes I did absorb it and I am formulating questions, i have ALOT of them!! bear with me and I will get them out

[SSGVinyard]

I do have one question...When does the pain of my wickedness go away??? it's very crippling! I try hard to die to myself but the heaviness of my heart is GREAT!