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Hi there Chontel,

 

glad to have talked with you tonight. Looking forward to making much progress moving forward.

 

As I said before, Joel fell to temptation, but it isn't the "end" of the relationship, it is just that, he fell to temptation. A bump in the road but we want to keep ya'll moving forward.

 

Everytime a husband makes a mistake, it always feels like, "it will never change. This is the way it is going to be and I must divorce. " But that isn't true. It just feels that way, that doesn't mean it is a reality. We keep pushing him forward.

 

the Women's call and women's class is going to help you.

 

Time to keep moving forward.

 

Good for good, bad for bad.

 

There are two other ladies in your area that are apart of the ministry. I think it would be really good for ya'll to connect up, to be a support to one another.

 

I'll text ya'll each others phone numbers.

 

Kathy

 

 

 

"

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Hey guys,

 

Thanks for helping and supporting Jenisy during all of this. I want to validate her for the ways she has been feeling about leaving or divorcing. The truth is, I haven't been growing or bringing ANY healing to Jenisy for about 6 months! I literally have not put forth almost any effort in living in understanding with her and reaching out to her in her pain and bringing healing to her.

 

I really want to be honest and real about my lack of progress for the last 6 months. I DO want to move forward and make progress. I am starting to really see how the state of my marriage has been caused by my own actions, or lack thereof. I am seeing that I am the one who is disgusting. I am the one who is flawed and messed up. I have been leading others and even myself to believe that the problems in my marriage were my wife's fault. Now I am starting to see that's not true at all. My wife is a beautiful woman with an amazing and wonderful heart. I am still praying for God to remove the scales from my eyes and teach me to see.

 

I want to make progress. I am willing to die to myself and learn to live with my wife in understanding

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I still feel so disconnected from my husband and god. Cory has stopped posting here and i feel unloved. I sense his frustration and resentment. I have tried to be better at telling him when he messes up or hurts me but i think it is just easier for him to critisize me and stick with the "but I'm trying" attitude. Apparently,Neither Of us will ever be good enough for one another. I still feel so discouraged. We are not getting enough hours at work and i have no idea how we will be able to afford our upcoming intensive and we can't even get the deposit until next week and will probably loose our spot by then. Even if we get a spot i have no idea how we will come up with another 600 bucks. And of course my hubby seems not to even care and everything is just "all good". I just have no hope we will make it without the intensive. But money is so tight now i don't see how we can afford it. I also feel Like i am not allowed to feel. He only focuses On the facts or being right all the time. Meanwhile i am a complete mess. He has no idea what to do. All i want is for him to love me. Its simple, he asked what that looks like. I have written him so many lists and my heart manual. But i guess its easier to claim ignorence then being held accountable.

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Chontel,

 

Hang in there and trust the Lord for these outcomes. He doesn't want you to bear these burdens, but put on His yoke. He will see you through. Begin to speak out truth; speak out positive things. Call the provisions into being. No doubting, ok?

 

Cory,

 

STOP trying to be right and just LOVE your bride. You know exactly what to do and what that looks like. No excuses, ok?

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Chontel,

 

Hang in there and trust the Lord for these outcomes. He doesn't want you to bear these burdens, but put on His yoke. He will see you through. Begin to speak out truth; speak out positive things. Call the provisions into being. No doubting, ok?

 

Cory,

 

STOP trying to be right and just LOVE your bride. You know exactly what to do and what that looks like. No excuses, ok?

Thank you Truth, i have been speaking a lot of death into myself and our marriage. It is very hard to get out of the pain and negativity.

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Thanks truth, I talked with Jenisy today and at first I was trying to ask why she is so upset, why she is so off balance when things aren't as bad as they used to be. I listened as she told me that she drinks because the feelings are SOOOO much that it is the only thing that helps them go away, and I don't help when she's feeling that way. ~~Lightbulb~~ ohhh i understand... I was an addict off and on for years, i totally get this. It won't help for me to get the facts or even if I understand 100% what is going on, I just need to care about my wife, whether she is in pain, how I can help ease and soothe the pain AND make sure I'm not causing more pain on top of the mountain of pain that's already there.

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Hey Chontel,

 

Kathy was asking for you on the women's call today. Call her if you need the password.

 

Definitely don't want to speak death to your marriage. The power of life and death is in the tongue.

 

We had one re-schedule for the intensive that starts Wednesday - so there is plenty of room.

 

If you were to find people who could help you to get here, we can give you a $295 scholarship so it only would cost $295 to us.

 

That is short notice, I realize, so DON'T feel pressured or bad if you can't make it in one week.

 

Just relax and utilize the calls. I know that the mods were asking for you guys last night at some point. I hope you both were on!

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Hey Chontel,

 

Kathy was asking for you on the women's call today. Call her if you need the password.

 

Definitely don't want to speak death to your marriage. The power of life and death is in the tongue.

 

We had one re-schedule for the intensive that starts Wednesday - so there is plenty of room.

 

If you were to find people who could help you to get here, we can give you a $295 scholarship so it only would cost $295 to us.

 

That is short notice, I realize, so DON'T feel pressured or bad if you can't make it in one week.

 

Just relax and utilize the calls. I know that the mods were asking for you guys last night at some point. I hope you both were on!

We stayed up really late and slept in this morning so i didnt get on the call. so sorry. i was very disapointed becasue i felt i let myelf down, but i guess it is good that cory and i "bonded" last night and are getting back to normal.

 

We are trying to get to the intensive in Washington with michale and annalea becasue it is the closest and the food and houseing are included in their price. also we cant get enough time off work to get to florida becaseu it would require extra travel time and hotel, but that would be amazing! i will ask cory if he would get fired if we left, but i dont kow if we could even get there in time? we will see. but i did get paid $200 today on a draw from work so i am waiting for the money to clear and going to have cory call michale to make sure there is still a spot open and we can wrie the deposit hopefully by friday! I am getting another job at my work for more hours, selling stuff on ebay and cory is getting OT and donating plasma, so hopefully we can get a laon or a credit card by october and be able to make it. i think the intensive we are trying to get to is in late OCT. If i had someone to watch et and new how to get across the country by wens i would do it in a heart beat.. but unfortionatley i dont think cory can get his time off till oct. Thank you tho.

 

Kathy i am sorry. i really appreciate the oprotunity to get on the ladies call, but Islept in. i think they it is at 8am my time so i will plan on it next week. thank you guys again.

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We stayed up really late and slept in this morning so i didnt get on the call. so sorry. i was very disapointed becasue i felt i let myelf down, but i guess it is good that cory and i "bonded" last night and are getting back to normal.

 

We are trying to get to the intensive in Washington with michale and annalea becasue it is the closest and the food and houseing are included in their price. also we cant get enough time off work to get to florida becaseu it would require extra travel time and hotel, but that would be amazing! i will ask cory if he would get fired if we left, but i dont kow if we could even get there in time? we will see. but i did get paid $200 today on a draw from work so i am waiting for the money to clear and going to have cory call michale to make sure there is still a spot open and we can wrie the deposit hopefully by friday! I am getting another job at my work for more hours, selling stuff on ebay and cory is getting OT and donating plasma, so hopefully we can get a laon or a credit card by october and be able to make it. i think the intensive we are trying to get to is in late OCT. If i had someone to watch et and new how to get across the country by wens i would do it in a heart beat.. but unfortionatley i dont think cory can get his time off till oct. Thank you tho.

 

Kathy i am sorry. i really appreciate the oprotunity to get on the ladies call, but Islept in. i think they it is at 8am my time so i will plan on it next week. thank you guys again.

 

Last night was awesome...(most of it) I got to be with my beautiful bride all night and she wore the prettiest dress and her hair was beautiful and all I could think was WOW! My wife is so amazing. I love her soo much. She is so much fun and EVERYONE loves her!! especially me... :D

 

Workin my butt off to get us the the intensive babe! I'm workin on the stuff you asked right now. I will try to listen in on the call tonight but won't be able to talk until tomorrow night. Thanks for your help Joel.

 

 

Later tater

Edited by Ephesiansman
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Excellent..

 

I was not thinking about the Washington Intensive when you said you were trying to come.. so cancel that offer of the $295 instead of $590.. I was thinking you were trying to get to Palm Coast. Michael and Annalea are wonderful and will bless you a lot!

 

Way to sing praises for your bride, Corey!

 

Remember...

 

It is a quantity of small expressions of caring and love on a consistant basis that best stir up and maintains high levels of oxytocin in a woman's body. We call it "initiating postive words and actions of love" on a consistant basis. 20 hugs, smiles and kisses and everything else!

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Remember...

 

It is a quantity of small expressions of caring and love on a consistant basis that best stir up and maintains high levels of oxytocin in a woman's body. We call it "initiating postive words and actions of love" on a consistant basis. 20 hugs, smiles and kisses and everything else!

 

Thanks for that reminder Joel, it is so important for me to remember that, I have a tendency forget things for so long until things get really bad, then I go into the other extreme of doing it way too much for a short time, then reverting back to not doing it. This is a great reminder about staying consistent and balanced.

 

I opened my bible for the first time today and the very first verse I read was in proverbs 18:1, it reads "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he RAGES against all wise judgement." This was so interesting to start my reading out with because I do this SOO often. It's interesting that the writer says that he seeks his own desire, and also, he rages against all wise judgement. I guess I always thought I isolated because I was shy or introverted and passive, the word is telling me that it's because I am seeking my own desire and I totally see how that's true.

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Jenisy is hurting. She has been responding wonderfully these past few days but it's time for the mourning process. She hasn't been able to share her hurt and pain yet so I need to keep providing a safe place for her to share her heart and know that I will be there to love on her and really CARE about her feelings. Keep us in your prayers as we go through this process.

Edited by Ephesiansman
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EM - THIS is the time for you to make sure that you are PLUGGED into YOUR Source - Christ. Connect with Him, and pursue a connection with Jenisy, first and foremost. She will heal and you will grow stronger and more mature - THIS is a HUGE step in the right direction for you guys! Very cool, very awesome!

 

Listen, learn, apologize, own the behaviors, and BE STRONG for her. It shall pass, and you will both be closer and stronger as a couple! God WILL bless you for being His Representative of healing IN THE MOMENT for her!

 

Keep updating us and stay engaged here, like you are doing!

 

HerDensity

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Keep pursuing her. Keep pressing into the pain with her. Keep showering her with sensitive, gentle affection and asking if you can hug her. If she is able to let you into her pain, hold onto her, demonstrating that you are committed to walking out this journey of mourning alongside her. If she pulls back, be understanding.

 

If you go to your pouting, little boy antics, you'll throw away the gains of this last week.

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Right on, H.D.! Plug into Jesus for your strength, all the day long.

 

Keep pursuing her. Keep pressing into the pain with her. Keep showering her with sensitive, gentle affection and asking if you can hug her. If she is able to let you into her pain, hold onto her, demonstrating that you are committed to walking out this journey of mourning alongside her. If she pulls back, be understanding.

 

If you go to your pouting, little boy antics, you'll throw away the gains of this last week.

Edited by firewalker
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Thanks for the advice guys it was a really great reminder and at the perfect time too. Today Chontel expressed a few times that I am not understanding her. I realized she was right after I said a few things in the half hour of time we had together on my lunch that really hurt her. I am not understanding her. I am determined though, to learn. I am determined to understand my wife and I am willing to do whatever it takes.

 

I must confess that I was having a bad attitude last night when she would not ML with me. I slipped into self pity and selfish thinking and I just wasn't sure how to change my thinking to make it about her. I can just accept the fact that I'm not gonna "get some" but I really want to get to the place where I can feel for her and actually want to do what would bless her most. I'm not sure if that makes sense.

 

I know I'm being very vague and unclear in this post, it has been a few days since I've posted. I guess the main problem right now is, my wife is not 100% happy and satisfied. I want to correct that. I want to refocus and get her back to 100%.

 

We will get there, I can make her my number 1 priority, and I will. Hopefully the next time you hear from us we will look more like this------> ::love ! :D

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so my husband and i went oout last night and stayed up way too late and i drank too much. today he is being a complete [edit]. he is being rude, impatient and has a terrible tone to his voice today. He is still being critical of me. He says i dont put enough effort into our marriage, that is seems like i am against our marriage and that i dont point things out like a good help meet, but rather that i am just mean.

 

I dont know if this is true or not, sometimes i am against our marriage. I feel like i have gone so long in a constant state of stress and anxiety. It was only a matter of time before i cracked, because no one can live in that type of a state forever and honestly i have been breaking. I feel so weak. I dont have anything left to give. My husband doesnt appreciate me at all. I used to be a good help meet, but honestly i just dont care anymore. i am so tired and he never changes. I am sick of being put down all the time. I am such a insecure person that my ppl cant even stand to be around me. I am just sick of putting up with his crap, being blamed for it by his family, then trying to stick in there and be a good help meet by holding him accountable, only to be told by him that i am not doing it right. It is like no matter what i do he will never be satisfied with who i am. I have no idea why we are still married?

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so my husband and i went oout last night and stayed up way too late and i drank too much. today he is being a complete [edit]. he is being rude, impatient and has a terrible tone to his voice today. He is still being critical of me. He says i dont put enough effort into our marriage, that is seems like i am against our marriage and that i dont point things out like a good help meet, but rather that i am just mean.

 

I dont know if this is true or not, sometimes i am against our marriage. I feel like i have gone so long in a constant state of stress and anxiety. It was only a matter of time before i cracked, because no one can live in that type of a state forever and honestly i have been breaking. I feel so weak. I dont have anything left to give. My husband doesnt appreciate me at all. I used to be a good help meet, but honestly i just dont care anymore. i am so tired and he never changes. I am sick of being put down all the time. I am such a insecure person that my ppl cant even stand to be around me. I am just sick of putting up with his crap, being blamed for it by his family, then trying to stick in there and be a good help meet by holding him accountable, only to be told by him that i am not doing it right. It is like no matter what i do he will never be satisfied with who i am. I have no idea why we are still married?

 

Hi Chontel - I hope you are on the call tonight. That will help you two level back out.

 

We really love you two and want so much to see you make it. You are definitely both making some bad choices that you want to change.

 

so my husband and i went oout last night and stayed up way too late and i drank too much.

 

This seems to be a pattern for you guys. You go out, stay out too late, have too much to drink and then have problems. Why don't you try having dates without alcohol? My guess is that you will have better days the next day. You won't be fighting guilt for drinking too much, you won't be having any hangover effects and you both won't be so tired if you don't stay out so late.

 

When you go out drinking late, are you by yourselves? or in a bar/lounge?

 

Also - drinking normally costs money. Are you getting free alcohol somewhere? If you are spending money, then you both would be mad at yourselves the next day for wasting money.. and when you are mad at yourself, then it is easy to lash out at each other.

 

He says i dont put enough effort into our marriage, that is seems like i am against our marriage and that i dont point things out like a good help meet, but rather that i am just mean.

 

I don't know if this is true or not, sometimes i am against our marriage.

 

You do know if this is true or not. You know if you are being mean and if you are being nice and you know if you are acting against the marriage sometimes. One thing that no one could ever say about me, especially Joel, was that I was not for our marriage and that I was mean or working against the marriage. I put 100% effort into helping the marriage to be great and encouraging Joel to treat me great.

 

Don't worry, we will speak to Ephesians man as we always do - and hopefully you will be on the call tonight. But I wanted to help you here with some of your personal frustrations.

 

I dont have anything left to give. My husband doesnt appreciate me at all. I used to be a good help meet, but honestly i just dont care anymore. i am so tired and he never changes. I am sick of being put down all the time.

 

One thing about EM - he does get on the forum and calls - so he will be reading what you wrote.

 

As we work with him, you definitely want to make sure that you are doing what I did.. I encouraged Joel when he was doing good. We made love a lot. I made sure of that. I knew how important it is for guys to make love a lot so they are not all stressed out.

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We love you guys and send peace, relaxation and love into your home. Hope you are having a great night!

Thank you! We are seeing improvments. I have been calling him out when he does things unchristlike and hurtful. He has been handeling it pretty good most the time, by saying the right things and not getting as defensive. However, i really need his actions to speak louder then his words so to speak.

 

I need real consistency and improvement. I feel this has been the missing link in our restoration journey and whearas, i do see your perspective and see some improvment, he has been more bad then good for any amount of time. I need him to step it up and in turn i hope to get more encouragemnt in doing my helpmeet role. I told him today, why should i try when u dont even care? why should i be working harder then u at this? that has been our problem and why i got to a complete braking point. However i have chosen once again, to forgive him and let him prove to me that he is in this for real.

 

I am trying to be encouraging and at least thank him for his apologies and effort. I freaked out a bit today becasue the intensive is coming up soon and i have no idea how we will get the money in time. i feel he has made some foolish, selfish and lazy choices lately. callin in, being late, not doanting plasma, canelling overtime and encouraging bad spending habits! I know i have as well, but i really need his strength. I need him to do whatever it takes. I need him to take the finacial burden off my shoulders, at least so i only carry my fair load.

 

At this point I am just holding on for dear life till the intensive. I told him if we dont go i will file for divorce, but that i am hanging on.

 

 

In other news we have been ML again this week, i am still not liking it at this point, but i am doing it anyways...

 

Today we went to the river and it was stressfull, but nice to spend time as a family. For me, the theme this last week has been fake it till u make it. I have not felt like spending time with him or ML. I have not felt like sharing my heat, venting or being honest about what i feel. I have not felt like staying calm and pointing things out in a more constructive way.. but alas... it aint all about how i feel. I am doing this becsue i do want a saved marraige and a restored life. I do at least find my self without the constant pull and nudge to drink. I have still had some thoughts, but for the most part i sense my heart turning back towards God and my husband. luckily, he has been providing a safe place and has not been judgeing me or focusing on his feelings as much either.

 

Anywhos I am at work right now and should prob get back to it. Thanks, we love u guys!

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Thank you for writing Jenisy! You are really on the right track - and yes, if Ephesians man will be consistant, you are going to keep making progress.

 

It is the weekend. You two want to make sure you don't stay out too late and don't go out drinking.. ok? Save that money.. just do something nice instead with a little money like maybe bowling or something? Maybe you can find some discount coupons or call a bowling alley and ask them if they have any coupons in circulation.. something like that?

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