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I am not a very humble person (laughter here). I have not seriously tried to work on being humble at all. I have in the past recognized that it can be a problem on occasion and I have ask God to help me be more humble.

 

I am doing some serious soul searching and I believe that becoming a humble person is the key to me becoming the man God has called me to be. At the same time say duh! Starting now I am going to pray to God every time I have an arrogant thought or action and at the end of the day count how many times I had to pray for my weakness and lack of humility. I am serious in wacking this problem and it is a hugh problem.

 

God can show me humility if I'm willing to look. It is ridiculous pray to be more humble and then ignore it and not do the work required. Everyday life in my life is anything but humble:

 

Speeding to the next destination passing everything on the road

Observing someone else driving erratic and thinking "what an idiot"

Simply thinking I am better at something than the next person

Thinking that I am superior about anything at all

 

I will post an update tomorrow on this quest.

 

BH

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No, the key is to focus on your wife, with that same humbleness you refered to. NOT just being humble. Stop trying to find a "loophole" in the process. You have a whole lot of input from J&K and a helpers and moderators... giving you LOTS of input, yet you come up with your own idea of what you should do. Try what we asked you to do!!

You avoided THREE things you were asked to do... leave LRG alone after the call, post, and get on the call last night. You avoided all three.

When is this gonna end??

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Eeyore is right, BH - listening to your wife, trusting what she says, not defending your actions, taking the advice of others that have found success in the areas in which you are struggling, and doing what you agree to do, in the manner in which you agreed to do it - THAT IS ALL THE DEFINITION OF HUMILITY! Don't you see that? You aren't WRONG in what you are saying, but you are wrong to decide that you have found a different way to get to that point - when, that's the WHOLE POINT that your wife and we have been trying to get you to see!

 

Pride is Flesh and Arrogance and Self-focus and Unwillingness and Resentment - you know, all of the stuff that every helper in this ministry has said to you over the course of the past week.

 

You aren't going to find that you need a "new way" to do this - what worked for me and every other guy that's done this is what will work for you. What's left is for you to CHOOSE.

 

Stephen/HD

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Starting now I am going to pray to God every time I have an arrogant thought or action and at the end of the day count how many times I had to pray for my weakness and lack of humility.

 

And that's gonna help how? So you count how many times per day you have arrogant thoughts. Whoop-de-do. What is counting going to do for you? You can pray all you want - and you should - but God is not going to reach down and fix this for you.

 

And where is LRG in all this??!!

 

Read HD's post again and again and again. The answer is right there.

 

BH, I've gotta say that you are probably one of the most arrogant, self centered men I have ever had the aggravation of working with. When you change - and I still believe you will . . . someday . . . - it will be spectacular. I just hope I live long enough to see it. :roll:

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Ok, my Bride has been taking care of everything including me since last evening when I went done with the body aches, massive ear ache and clogged up head. I haven't been much of a blessing other than sending her text messages letting her know I am thinking about her. You said for me to post real stuff and I take that as whatever I'm thinking so here it goes. I'm thinking about LM with her a lot. I think the more the better. It's to the point now that I don't care if I get rejected (which used to be my big fear) and she owes me tons of rejections anyway. Thanks for getting me straightened out earlier today.

 

BH

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LM- like everything else is first and foremost an expression of your love for her- and with her. It sort of depends on how you are thinking about this.. Are you thinking first about your experience and enjoyment in that? or hers? and how you can give to her in that process?

You think "the more the better".. which is fine.. but does she think that??? In powerfully connected LM, you should be unreservedly giving of yourself in openness of spirit, soul and body... to serve her.... are you doing that? or heading that direction?

It's good you are not going to let rejection stand in the way anymore ... but WHY would you say "she owes you tons of rejections anyway"- are you keeping records of who did what and who owes whom what? In unreserved LM, which includes all the emotional foreplay- no one should be keeping count... you should be lost in simply Blessing Her....

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To any and all that are reading this post. What follows comes from a place of love and concern. So here goes.

 

It is time to stop trying to help a man who is unwilling. There are 48 pages of people pouring their hearts into a well that the lid is shut, closed and locked. BS is very capable of getting this message and using it to change his life and more importantly changing LRG's life. He is using all of us to get his needs met here on the forum while his wife is fed crumbs. It just isn't fair. I think we should take all the love being poured in here and direct it to where it will be appreciated and that is to LRG. She is the victim here. Yet we have a man who has spent 2 plus years and 48 pages trying to play one.

 

He is using the forum to manipulate a response with each new post he writes. If you look hard enough and read back enough, he knows exactly what to say and when to say it. This man has been to 6 intensives and he can't grasp the basic priciples. BS. I have been to an intensive. I know the information. I know the format and I have watched Joel and Kathy teach the message. It is in a very slow methodical easy manner. Even for someone who didn't want to be there at all, they would pick up on the basics simply through auditory repeativeness. He has also used the intensives to garner attention. Each time he goes, he gets special treatment because "everyone" knows about him.

 

I'm not saying all of this is a conscience sinister thing but a very large portion he is aware of. He can not live without the attention. The sad thing is it is the attention that feeds his resistance. It is our responsibility to stop feeding him. Every answer to every question he can possibly fathom is answered somewhere on this forum. It is time to force him to find the answers to questions he may not know and begin to do the things he knows he should do.

 

My first job as a mechanic I had a friend who I would get to help me fix cars. I would drive them around the block, come back and tell him the symptoms. He would then tell me how to fix them. This went on for three months. One day he comes in and says he found another job and was leaving in a week. I began to freak out inside. "He can't leave! What am I going to do? They are going to find out I don't know how to fix a car", I said to myself. I was terrified I was going to lose my job because I was in actuality a fraud.

 

My friend left as he said he would. The first car I got to work on terrified me. I have never fixed anything by myself. I really didn't know how to fix a car. I knew how to follow directions but not fix a car. I sat in the vehicle and thought about what my friend would have done. The more I thought. The more I remembered. I had fixed another vehicle once with a similar problem. I attacked this car as I had the other car and guess what? The car was fixed. I fixed my first car by myself. That was the day I started becoming a mechanic. Although by outward appearances to the boss, it looked like I was a good mechanic. The reality was I didn't have a clue.

 

The problem with BS is, he doesn't have to learn to "fix" anything because no one has forced him to. The only way he will ever begin to fix his marriage is, just like me fixing cars, everyone stops trying to do it for him. Once he sees he is in this by himself, maybe just maybe, the shock will hit him hard enough to knock the lid off the well so that when we choose to pour something in, it will have a place to go instead of all over the ground. He needs to do this by himself for a while until he has proven he truly wants this. That means he continues to post what he is learning and doing without a response. If he is not willing to do this without our responses, then he doesn't want to fix his marriage. It is very cut and dry.

 

LRG. When you read this, I want you to know that I am praying he gets this so your suffering will finally end. God has a special place for wives who hold on as long as you have. If he doesn't choose the right thing, God forbid, know in your heart you have done everything the Father has asked of you and then some. It will be BS who will be alone, broken and lost. And he will have no one left to blame but himself.

 

God Bless

David

Edited by For Him For Her
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BH, you are an arrogant fool. David has been around longer than any of us, and he is so far ahead of you in his walk with Christ that you can't even see his dust. For you to respond to his post as you did shows clearly that you haven't learned anything here.

 

I'm done here. Have a nice life, BH.

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Michael,

 

It brings pure joy to my heart watching you chase after our Lord with everything you have in you. I have always known, since your very beginning here, you were destined for great things. Our God is such a loving God. He wants nothing more than to love us. That is it. How amazing is that. The only thing that stops us from having a "real" relationship is us. Everytime I think about how much He loves me, tears always come. I searched my entire life for someone to love me to my core. I looked everywhere but up. When I finally allowed Him inside, it was the most beautiful thing I could ever experience. I am seeing you do the same thing. It's beautiful Michael. He never left you. He never stopped loving you. As a matter of fact He loves you more right now than He ever has.

 

I sit here thanking Him for showing you Him. This world is a awful place Michael and it is our responsibility as Christian men to lead those who do not know to Him. It will be a life time battle but you are now ready. You have become a man. You have become an example of Christ-likeness. You have become battle ready. You are a warrior Michael. One that I would trust with my life in your hands. I am honored to stand beside you with my sword drawn ready to follow a true man of God.

 

God Bless

David

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David,

 

You are a great writer. I am not a writer nor do I share feelings or my heart very well. I struggle being on this forum at all. I don't know what to write. When I write what I'm doing I'm told it's not real. When I write what I'm thinking at the time I'm told I'm manipulating. I find your post earlier full of arrogance and the "holier than thou attitude".

 

 

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From 2 Corinthians 7: 8-10

 

8-9 I know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don’t feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. Now I’m glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss.

 

10 Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.

 

David,

 

If this was the intent of your letter to me I apologize. My response came from a place of arrogance and ignorance and both have consequences. I am sorry.

 

BH

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In the past I left all the burden of everyday struggles with children and household management to LRG. I pretty much did what I wanted and I got her off the shelf when there was a business function involving spouses in order to make myself look good. When LRG called me on my junk I resented her for it. When she expressed her needs I resented her for it.

 

Now I have been over compensating by helping when my help is not even needed. LRG has been trying to tell me this for a while now and I finally heard her today. She really appreciates me asking her if there is anything I can do to help instead of just taking over things without asking. This is all about me and not about her. LRG says she feels like I am putting pressure on myself to help her with everything and then I will resent her for it later.

 

This situation pretty much says it all. I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing and that is focusing on LRG and going to the Lord.

 

BH

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HD,

 

This guy is awesome! Thank you. This is exactly what I needed. The broken emotions of my past are haunting! He says it's ok to be angry but take it to Jesus instead of acting out on angry emotions and allowing the devil a foothold. Thanks HD. I will listen over and over. Very uplifting.

 

BH

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OK, I have to respond to this because I am still praying that you will see something . . . frankly I'm not holding out much hope at this point, but I am eternally optimistic.

 

No one here is mad or hurt. It is impossible to be a helper in this ministry without developing a pretty thick skin. We don't take anything personally, and we expect childish behavior from childish men.

 

You are choosing not to grow up. You are still arrogant, prideful, and manipulative. You are hurting your wife on a regular basis, and despite that, you still expect her to rescue you and make you feel better about yourself. You have learned nothing in the three years you have been involved in this ministry other than how to parrot the words we all want to hear. You are not doing any of the things you need to do in order to make your wife feel safe and loved. It is still ALL about you.

 

You are not losing your family, BH. You are choosing to throw them away.

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Looney,

 

I agree and I have lost my family. She is at the point where she does not want me to hug, kiss or smile at her and she doesn't believe any compliments. She has ask me to leave and find my own place. I missed my chance no matter what I do now.

 

BH

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I missed my chance no matter what I do now.

 

Oh brother. What a freakin immature attitude. Everyday is a new day, with new opportunity, a fresh start with our God.

 

Go ahead. Limit God. Yea, He can create the Heavens and Earth but can't bring peace and love to your family.

 

Thank God, He doesn't see your wife as insignificant as you do.

 

I don't know how to do the wretch icon. Someone please do it for me.

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