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I can't remember to save my life if I've ever shared this with you all or not - so if I have, please forgive me.

 

This video testimony is was from my weekend intensive with new life ministries, focusing on the book that steve arterburn wrote, called "Healing is a Choice."

 

God definitely met me there, and it was just one of the first (and many to come) stops on this (seemingly eternal) journey called "healing" ...

 

Anyway, if you'd like to watch, here it is:

 

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I just watched your video and was very touched. Thank you for sharing so many personal things.

 

I'm so sorry to you and GMS for the lose of your beautiful Emily. So, very sorry :( . Your faith is inspirational!

 

I will be getting, "Healing is a Choice."

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thank you aunt pitty :) praise God that watching blessed you - since we can't control the losses & tragedies in our lives (referring to the death of emily & shekinah) brian and i have prayed that God will USE our pain, for His glory and for the blessings of many, including us! :)

 

bless you, sister!! :)

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...so here i sit, a month after my last post ~ 19 days before the 4th anniversary of Emily Grace's death ~ 10.15.05 ~ and can hardly make out the screen, through all of my tears.

 

i know that everyone grieves in their own ways, but i'm just sharing with my trusted friends, a little bit of my immediate world, right now...

 

oh my goodness. grief just comes in these HUGE waves ~ all w/o warning. this has shown itself to be a very difficult time of the year for me, as each year has passed & i usually start to really feel the very raw & real sting of grief in sept. and maybe start to pull up in early nov. or so...there's certainly no formula, except to say that the days/weeks surrounding each side of a child's death can be crippling. oh Lord...........

 

God, i miss her so much. it feels like the pain is as fresh as it happened just this morning. she did pass on a saturday morning, after all. there are so many things that fill our hearts to capacity ~ love for our God, our spouse, our children, friends, family, etc., & when (especially) one of our children is SUDDENLY RIPPED from our arms, from our grasp, from our very lives, it's such a deep and indescribably unreal pain.

 

i don't even know that this analogy will come close, but the only thing i can think of that *may* parallel the deep heart pain of a mother whose child has been ripped from her breast, her arms, her life, is to imagine that someone literally, with no warning & with no anesthesia, actually ripped your whole leg off ~ bones, muscles, tendons, flesh, EVERYTHING ~ and then, still, w/o pain meds, etc., you're expected to just WALK. COME ON!!!! WALK!!!! it takes a long time to learn to "walk again" with a severed limb ~ and even though God has been here for me (us) through this deep, dark valley, i don't think that the aching from the hole in my mommy's heart will truly EVER be filled again, until that day...that day that i SO anticipate...when we're reunited in Heaven. Us, Jesus, Emily, Shekinah, other loved ones ~ no more tears, no more sadness, no more gut-wrenching, indescribable pain. just JOY that i cannot even begin to fathom as a broken human being.

 

please pray for me. i haven't stopped sobbing for the last hour. i need God to carry me ~ which i know He is ~ but i need to actually FEEL that i am being carried. at a time like this, head-knowledge seems futile, but feelings are so real...so very real.

 

thank you for reading through my babble. thank you more for your prayers.

if you'd like to visit emi's memorial website, and let us know you were there by either writing a tribute or lighting a candle, it would comfort our hearts...here's the address: http://www.emilygrace.memory-of.com

 

also, her youtube video is here at:

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Dearest Wen,

 

I am so very sorry for your pain. My heart is broken for you, Brian and your family. The Utube and weblink are both lovely memorials to your beautiful daughter. One day, in the blink of an eye, you'll be reunited with your sweet Emily. No more tears, no more pain and you will dance together once again. I am praying, fervently for Peace to overtake you at this sorrowful time.

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thank you all, so much, for your words of comfort & for your prayers. just b/c this isn't the 1st anniversary of emi's death, i know that this raw grieving process will be ever-present for at least the next month...

 

just to forewarn anyone who keeps up with our thread...the days will up & will be down, and back again, on any given day. :cry:

 

i love you all, so very much, and i thank you for your prayers and for your gentle, tender words of encouragement. ;)

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in case you haven't listened to the music on emi's memorial website, i wanted to give the link to the MP3 song that my precious friend amanda & i wrote, for emily, just 3 weeks after she died....

 

http://emilygrace.memory-of.com/Uploads/Audios/Audio633644225830981250.mp3

 

the lyrics are:

 

Sunshine ~ Emily's Song

 

 

You were our first girl

And you brightened our world

Emily Grace

You were a Grace from God

We felt your first kick, a miracle inside

And with your first breath you brought us

 

Sunshine

From the start

Sunshine

To our hearts

 

Runnin' & Jumpin' & Hide-n-seek

"Mommy come show me!" and

"Daddy catch me!"

Big Brudders watchin' Dora with me

Gabbin' with KK

when we're supposed to sleep

 

Sunshine

From the start

Sunshine

To all our hearts

 

Emily Grace your time was too short

And it flew by

All of these questions

No reasons why

Tell me, will the pain ever subside?

 

But through our tears we still

Celebrate your life

A short 2 years but

We're thankful for the time

 

Sunshine

From the start

Sunshine

To all our hearts

 

Sunshine

A child of the King

Sunshine

Shining down on me

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Hey there, Wen,

 

I want you to know that I'm here, praying for you. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I look at your little Emily on her Website and smile, because she is so beautiful. Then, I think of your hurt, and I feel so helpless. I can't understand, but what I can tell you is that she is one very lucky little girl, to have had this time with your family. You can see the love pour out of those pictures....... It is so obvious that she was loved so very much, and that she adored all of you. Becky and and I sang her song together. We felt such Peace afterwards.

 

We don't know the plans that God has in our lives, but what we do know is that we are all blessed to know Jesus. We are the lucky ones, and we will all be together again. I feel deep in my spirit that Shekinah and Emily are so happy together, and both of them are watching over all of us, and cheering together, every time a Marriage is saved!! I see Shekinah swinging Emily round and round, with Emily laughing and laughing. And, I feel all these bright colors surrounding them, and Jesus watching and smiling.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your little girl with us. Know that you are all in our prayers, especially in the month ahead. We're here, for you.

 

Love you!

Kay

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Brian and Wen,

Just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you this weekend! Hope that all of you feel God's arms of love around you, and may He give you peace and comfort for your hurting hearts!

 

Thanks for the awesome way you continue to minister to others, in spite of your pain and heartache!

 

God bless you and keep you in His care!

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Dear Brian and Wen,

 

The song is really beautiful, the words, melody, all of it is so very lovely. Who is singing it? I downloaded it in my iTunes. Thank you for sharing this and I am praying for you and your family.

Awww, thanks AP! ;) Our friend & worship-leader @ the Church we attended when Emi died, plunked out the melody, we wrote it together, just by me telling her stories of Emi, etc., and then she recorded it. For the longest time, we've wanted to get me over to their apt., and into their 2nd bedroom "studio", so that I could record it, singing it myself. She, of course, has a MUCH more beautiful voice, but she'd argue that. So for now, it's Amanda singing it, but one day, I'll get it recorded with me singing it.

 

How touching to know that you DL it onto your iPod!!! You're precious! ;)

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My Sweet Friend,

 

I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I wish there was some way I could just get into your heart and comfort you so that you could stop grieving. My heart hurts for you.

 

I came across these lyrics and thought of you. I hope they bring you some comfort and peace. Billy lost his fiancee in an auto accident, and this song speaks to his pain, as well offering hope. I love you, Sweetie. May this year bring you healing and release from all your grief. May it become a bittersweet ache instead of intense pain.

 

Press On

 

by: Billy Sprague

 

 

I was down in the valley

Of the shadow of death

Where the passion for life

Drained like blood from my chest

And it took more than my will just to

Take a step

When the compass of hope

Was gone

 

In a silence so black

That I wished for the blues

Every desperate prayer

Seemed like Heaven refused

And some days I found faith meant just

Tyin' my shoes

And it was

All I could do

To press on

 

Press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery

Though the night hides the light

Through the darkness till dawn...

Tie your shoes, my dear friend

And press on

 

(Walk on)

 

On the ocean so lonesome I was not left alone

Had some heavyweight friends

When my heart was a stone

And they carried my heartache and

Made it their own

When the current of sorrow

Was strong

(and one said)

"I pray your memories will not drag you down

Not be anchors but treasures

Of the love that you've found"

And His kind words turned hurt into comfort somehow

And the wind in my sails

To press on

 

So press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery

Though the night hides the light

And the journey is long...

Lean on me, my dear friend

And press on

 

Though the days seem like years...

There may be giants in our fears...

Ah, but they who are sowin' tears

They shall reap in joy

They shall run and leap for joy!

 

So press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery...

 

(...)

 

Though the night hides the light

And the journey is long...

Lean on me, my dear friend

And press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery

Though the night hides the light

And the journey is long...

Tie your shoes, my dear friend

And press on!

 

May your memories of your sweet angel fill you with laughter and joy instead of heartache and tears. I pray for peace for you, with all my heart.

 

Love, Susan

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My sweet percious friend...my heart is breaking for you. I wish I had the words that would comfort you in your pain and grief. But I want you to know that you and Emily are loved...Loved by so many and loved by our Heavenly father...

 

Please know that I am here for you, to laugh with, to cry with and to greive with....you are not alone, because your heart breaks today, my heart is breaking with you...

 

Love you

Heather

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Wen & Brian,

 

We are praying for you. You both have been such a blessing to so many. There just aren't words to say. I wish I could just come and hug you and let you cry on my shoulder. I pray that God will give his abundant comfort right now, today. I pray that he will envelope you with his love and surround you with those who will be the most help for your family right now.

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Isn't it too early to cry, when you've just woken up? Uugghh.

 

Thank you all ~ so much ~ for your love, comfort & words of support. They are truly & honestly, priceless.

 

Susan, that song was amazing! If I didn't have such a smashing headache right now, I would've cried ~ but I held back, b/c I can't handle anymore pain in my head right now.

 

I love you all, dearly. ;)

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Wen,

 

I want to thank you for ministering to my husband and me on Monday night's conference call -- in the midst of your own Pain! I SO appreciated it! And I think your words registered with my husband.

 

May you be rewarded many times over, by God Himself!

 

I'm asking Him for abundant health for you in every way.

 

May the Comforter be utterly real in your heart and mind and home today.

 

Blessings to you both and your family from the Throne of God!

 

In Jesus' Name.

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Dear Brian n Wen,

Just wanted to let you know you are in my heart . I have never lost a child but grew up in my parents funeral home and saw families grief . My dad hated it when a baby or any child died... He would cry......Children passing is just so difficlut to understand. They "why's" just go on and on...... And for you the are no easy answers...... Only God knows....We know the enemy stole her life....

 

I do understand the overwhelming grief you feel....You will be in my heart daily.. I am here if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen......

 

Emily is surrounded with such peace and JOY and happiness and of course waiting to see her mommy and daddy and siblings very soon..

( We know the Lord isn't far from coming to get us. :-) )

 

It is so HARD for those of us waiting to join and see our loved ones again......

 

I pray the LORD replaces your grief for JOY and PEACE and eases the pain in all your hearts.........

 

We love you,

 

Joyce n Don :-)

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Wen,

 

I have been reading your posts about precious Emily Grace and visited her site a couple of weeks ago. She sure IS a little SUNSHINE!

 

That's why I am writing. I listened to that beautiful song that you and your friend wrote and it has been in my head since I heard it.

 

I lost my firstborn son 7 years ago, and we finally ordered a gravestone for him this month (it came in TODAY). It has a sunshine on it! I have been in the midst of planning a special graveside service for when the stone is installed and there have been several times that while I am working on it your song pops into my head. I hear that refrain, "Sun-shiiine..." It has really ministered to me.

 

I want you to know that sharing your daughter has brought life to me. I am so terribly sorry that you are not able to enjoy her here in the flesh the way your heart so desires. There are no words. But I hope you know that Emily Grace is impacting people today just as much as ever... because she is ALIVE, thriving in heaven. I honor the precious princess that she is. May her legacy carry on until we all meet in heaven again.

 

I know you are coming up on the anniversary and things can be quite intense. You are doing a great job! You have had to face a lot lately.

 

What has comforted me recently is staying in touch with the fact that my little boy is cheering me on from heaven and encouraging me to stay in the fight. Emily can see you and she is cheering you on too.

 

I wish I could physically hug you. You have endured much and you WILL get through this.

 

Love to you,

Pebbles

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Not sure if I should post this here, or if there is a more appropriate thread....but I came here today to find some experience and hope reading up on your thread....as I know you have come thru the fire in your marriage and are experiencing joy. (Today, I just want some hope that I'll care again :shock: )

 

As I was reading, I found out today was a spiritual anniversary for you of your precious daughter. Not to minimize my pain, but I cannot imagine what you are going thru...and I need to buck up today and know that there are worse things I could be going thru.

 

May God grant you His undeniable peace. An immeasurable portion of His grace and fortitude today. I pray His blessings rain down on your family today!

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Dear Purple,

 

Thank you so much! You're right - I have never experienced a pain greater than losing a precious, perfectly healthy child. I pray that NO ONE w/i this ministry (current or future) ever has the ability to truly "empathize" with our pain. In order to be able to empathize, you'd have to have endured a loss as tragic.

 

But we are so grateful to those who SYMPATHIZE! Pebbles, thank you for sharing your heart/loss/experience with us - thank you! I pray for continued healing, upon healing, as you continue to trudge thru your grief.

 

We sure never thought that we'd have something so "in common" with J&K, but sadly, we now do. Thanks Kath, for calling us this morning.

 

I know that when there are no words to say, nothing seems adequate, just know that your prayers are so much a beneficial thing - even way more important than trying to "search" for the "right words".

 

We love you all, very, very dearly!

 

Love,

Wen

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Brian and Wen,

 

Our prayers are with you....

 

I pray God holds you as you run with your bride into the tabernacles of God together. I pray His grace showers down upon this solemn and sorrowful place..that God anchors your hearts to each other and to Himself. His banner over you is LOVE...God knows how to bind up your wounds and heal your heartache. Walking with Christ through the valley of the shadow of death...He will comfort you and lead you. Christ is the "Man of Sorrows" and God understands your grief. God will stay watchful over you and yours...He has never taken His eyes off your family. I pray God surrounds you with His healing wings...that He wraps you inside them and speaks hope to you. In your anguish and fear He is still there.Though it must feel as if God has forsaken the works of His own hands...He yet will deliver you from your low estate. He will susutain you and refresh you. God will restore to your lips the purest praise...for you have been broken and still believe. His hand will hold you together and strengthen your feeble grasp. Jesus is holding you tighter than you will ever know. Surely God is there...you are carved in the palms of His hands.

 

With deepest sympathy,

 

Joshua and Kimberly

 

 

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUfTlEoVqbE

 

To Where You Are

 

Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be

 

That you are my forever love

And you are watching over me

From up above

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for a while to know you're there

A breath away's not far to where you are

 

Lie gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me

Everyday

 

Cause you are my forever love

Watching me from up above

And I believe that angels breathe

And that love will live on

And never leave

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for a while to know you're there

A breath away's not far to where you are

 

I know you're there

A breath away's not far to where you are

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Faithworks, you've got me and God's Precious Princess mixed up! :) I'm in this section. My thread is So Many Wonderful Changes & Still growing. It was fun talking theater. So glad you and your hubby are doing good!

 

God's Precious Princess, sorry we're hijacking your thread a bit, but as long as I'm here, "HI!" :D Miss you! Give my little Boobaloo a great big hug from me. Give yourself one from me while you're at it!

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