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My husband of 16 years moved in with another woman 6 months ago after I made and held a stand of not allowing him back in the house unless he sought drug/alcohol counseling and kept permanent employment. Apparantly this woman lets him continue his old ways. Supposedly he knew that he "was delivered from cocaine/drinking/pornography" when he completed a fast that I talked him into going on with the children and I (ages 10,11, and 13). He was upset that I didn't let him move back home on his word. My husband has played church for years. Not only is he committing adultery with this woman but I have found out that he has been taking this woman to the church he attends and that they have joined the church together. I have counseled with the pastor and first lady of this church several times in the past regarding my husbands addiction and the state of our marriage. And they accept and promote this behavior from him. Mind you, my husband left our family church over a year ago because the pastor sat him down from church leadership because of his addictions and previous affairs. I have gone dark as a way to begin my healing. My husband seems ok with this as he neither calls or makes any attempts to see the kids. The occassional time he has tried to call it would be thru my 13 yr olds cell phone instead of the house phone so that he would not have to speak to me. My children refuse to see or speak to him. Of course he blames me for turning the kids against him. He is still not taking the responsibility for any problems in our marriage. According to him "I wouldn't let him be a man". Of course, I held the steady employment, took care of the kids, etc. He has been telling everyone that he loves me but I was mean. He actually introduced this other woman to his sister on the phone and has repeated to his sister the same words that he said to me " I don't want to be married, I don't want to be a family, I just want to do me". I spoke on the phone with Joel and explained to him that I am not receiving any child support from my husband and don't have the money to file for divorce. I need to know if anyone has any resources for receiving a simple divorce in the state of North Carolina for a low fee or pro bono? At this time, I don't think my husband will contest the divorce as he says he has "moved on and is happy now." I know that God can restore but after my husbands actions, I don't know that He will.

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I found this service that works in your state and includes child custody as part of the filings. I hope this might help. They have a help line that you might be able to get some answers from.

 

http://www.document-do-it-yourself-service.com/state_prices/north_carolina_divorce_prices.html

 

I am so sorry your husband has dealt so treacherously with you. Please know that it was never about you, it was always about indulging himself and not requiring himself to behave honorably and with integrity. Those are not values on his radar. He will have to have a huge "Come to Jesus" moment before he will even begin to grasp the danger of his situation and the consequences of his behavior to you, to the kids, and even to himself. He indulges himself, but like a selfish child, he will becomed sickened eventually by "TOO MUCH". Sadly, you will likely be unavailable when he does, unless he starts to shift and change soon.

 

Welcome. You are doing the right thing by divorcing him. I too have to divorce my husband now. It is neither simple, easy or painless. It is tough, emotional work, but necessary for my sanity and for his potential repentance.

 

God Bless

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Hey :) I'm in NC too and I went to several lawyers who basically told me that I could do the paperwork myself and save a ton of money. One lawyer actually told me that I could buy him a new living room suit if I liked, but that it would be much wiser to just did the papers myself LOL So I went to the local law library and a paralegal showed me a book that had all of the forms already in it. Basically you can retype what's there and it tells you the steps to take and what forms to turn in. My papers were easy because there were no assets to divide. I just requested full custody of our son and a few other requests and it was pretty easy to type up. I got the book on amazon and here is a link http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-North-Carolina-Survival-Guides/dp/1572485086/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1290993069&sr=1-1

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

Katie

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Thanks so much for your support and encouragement! As you ladies know, its a rough road but the Balm Of Gilead has already begun to heal. I have applied at my local child support agency but husband has a way of dodging being served court papers. Judge won't proceed because husband has a right to "due process". :( God will continue to provide as my husband wasn't much of a provider anyway. It just annoys me that he feels that he can play house across town and not take care of his own children. He probably assumes that I have it under control since, by God's grace, I have always been able to make do in the past. Thanks soo much for all the advice. Katie: nice to meet a fellow North Carolinian even under such unfortunate circumstances. I am on the Crystal Coast. I pray that we can be an encouragement to each other as well as to others.

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  • 2 months later...

Hello :) I haven't been on here for a while, but logged in and remember that I had posted to you. Somehow when I read your post originally I had a feeling that you may be close to me. Hope things are going ok for you!!

 

Oh and BTW I guess we would consider Topsail the Crystal Coast as well :) Topsail isn't what it used to be when I was a kid (the hurricanes of '96 and '97 destroyed a lot of the beach) but it's still a nice place to visit.

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  • 2 months later...

ashjubre;

Noticed it's been awhile since you posted, wondering how things are going with you? So sorry that you're joining many of us whose husbands have chosen not to follow God's plan for them in their marriages; but chose their selfish, sinful lifestyles instead! What an extremely dysfunctional and un-biblical church, to openly support and condone him living with the woman he's committing adultery with; and has allowed them to join this 'church'! Keep on doing Kathy's 3 P's: Pray for strength to be a godly mother for your kids; Plan for a future free from abuse; and most importantly of all; Play! Take time to do fun and special things with your kids; be good to yourself, have lunch with a friend, etc.

Would love to see an update.....there's lots of support and help for wives in your situations here as well!

Have a wonderful Easter!

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