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Dear Welshlamb...what you're feeling is totally understandable. Just because a guy is acting creepy doesn't ever seem to stop our feelings for them once we love them. Now, as you read my little note here, you need to know your source:: I'm the original softy- so I'm not sure my advice is going to hook up with other people on this website, but if you have to drop back a little to catch your breath, don't be afraid to do that. Doesn't mean you won't go forward with the divorce and it doesn't mean you will. But you don't have to do it while you're feeling sick. There's a saying that always made sense to me and that is if you don't know what to do, do nothing. Wait until you know. Have you prayed about this? What does the Holy Spirit say? Maybe you're so much in your feelings of hurt and anger right now that it's hard to hear God. But He's there. Just take a little time to check in with Him.

 

Sending you prayers all the way over the waters!

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Dear Welshlamb...what you're feeling is totally understandable. Just because a guy is acting creepy doesn't ever seem to stop our feelings for them once we love them. Now, as you read my little note here, you need to know your source:: I'm the original softy- so I'm not sure my advice is going to hook up with other people on this website, but if you have to drop back a little to catch your breath, don't be afraid to do that. Doesn't mean you won't go forward with the divorce and it doesn't mean you will. But you don't have to do it while you're feeling sick. There's a saying that always made sense to me and that is if you don't know what to do, do nothing. Wait until you know. Have you prayed about this? What does the Holy Spirit say? Maybe you're so much in your feelings of hurt and anger right now that it's hard to hear God. But He's there. Just take a little time to check in with Him.

 

Sending you prayers all the way over the waters!

 

 

 

 

Thank you Faithworks, that is just what I concluded last nite - big decisions shouldn't be rushed. I have felt it hard to hear the Holy Spirit the last couple of days but I know he will come through for me and make it very clear what the NEXT step is. I feel to just make the separation legal for financial reasons only and also a chance for my husband to come round. BUT that is not a definite decision yet. It could be because I am afraid to make the final CHOP!!

 

Thank you for your reply, I do appreciate it. There is not many I can really ask advice at the moment.

 

Godbless

 

Welshlamb :)

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dear heart,

all of this is very sorrowful -- and we know how painful it can be. please know we are praying for you

 

your signature reads:

A newbie at this. Downloaded the abreviated version of the first book

Listened to alot of the Utube talks on different topics

Listen and reading the FREE Mini Course

OHM Course 30 day trial

Reading book "Angry men and Women who love them".

 

so, does this mean that you have not yet read:

Livin' It and Lovin' It

??

 

and what about your husband? he chose to not read either of them?

 

In November you wrote:

 

My husband and I have been married almost 6 years in December, met and married abroad and then moved back to the UK. I can say that the good, peaceful times add up to about a year and half. This is my second marriage and I do love him but after reading your book and listening to your talks, you have really caught the essence of what is wrong with our marriage, but in his eyes, it is never his fault, its always mine. I am tired. It has been the last straw this week. We have just moved again to a new rented home and I am back at college trying to pursue some dreams that I have longed for. My husband has been at home (which he said he was willing to do and it would only be until January) and now he is flying off back home to SA again because he says he's homesick and fed up and wants to see Mum. It couldnt come at the worst time financially and he is leaving me alone in the middle of

no where for 3 weeks. He has been abusive verbally and he is always quite manipulative and says those words "Why do we always have to do things YOU'RE way!" He'll apologize and expect that to be enough until he does it all over again. This has gone on along time now over the last 3 years, so this has had to be the final altermatum. The choice for me is excrutiating but I have said, here's a copy of the book, you have 18 hours to read it at the airport and on the plane, if you are willing to try this, then we have a chance , otherwise please dont come back. Initially he refused to take it with him but grabbed it at the last minute and stuffed it in his bag.

 

There are plenty of other couples on this forum whose husband has been involved in porn and SG -- not all of them turn around, but many of them do. The principles in this marriage ministry teach truth -- it is a "fork in the road" and is not one to be viewed lightly.

 

As you take the next hard steps, know that we are here for you.

 

"dear Father God, we ask that you would intervene in this marriage, causing this husband to look to you to deliver him from this sinfulness, that you would impress upon him the fact that you brought his bride into his life so that HE would agape love her and cherish her, putting her first in everything (except for you), that he would be grateful for her. We bind the power of satan of the porn, in Jesus' holy and precious Name, the Name that is above all others. We ask, O Lord that you would place the strong resolve in WL to be the helpmeet that faces her husband with truth and stands firm in it, to not put up with abuse any further, and at the same time reflecting back to him clearly so he can be fully impacted by his carnal and unloving actions." Amen.

 

prayerfully,

June of

Edited by June & Ward
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dear heart,

all of this is very sorrowful -- and we know how painful it can be. please know we are praying for you

 

your signature reads:

 

 

so, does this mean that you have not yet read:

Livin' It and Lovin' It

??

 

and what about your husband? he chose to not read either of them?

 

 

 

There are plenty of other couples on this forum whose husband has been involved in porn and SG -- not all of them turn around, but many of them do. The principles in this marriage ministry teach truth -- it is a "fork in the road" and is not one to be viewed lightly.

 

As you take the next hard steps, know that we are here for you.

 

"dear Father God, we ask that you would intervene in this marriage, causing this husband to look to you to deliver him from this sinfulness, that you would impress upon him the fact that you brought his bride into his life so that HE would agape love her and cherish her, putting her first in everything (except for you), that he would be grateful for her. We bind the power of satan of the porn, in Jesus' holy and precious Name, the Name that is above all others. We ask, O Lord that you would place the strong resolve in WL to be the helpmeet that faces her husband with truth and stands firm in it, to not put up with abuse any further, and at the same time reflecting back to him clearly so he can be fully impacted by his carnal and unloving actions." Amen.

 

prayerfully,

June of

 

 

 

 

 

I found this email rather difficult and a little insulting as yes I have read the books and watched the DVD sets and prayed and taken him back on several occasions so unless you are an official helper, please don't give me such advise!!! I have been in touch with Joel and Kathy and if you read my

messages about the calls you would see that they have advised me!!! And they have already prayed for me. You can pray all night, but if he doesnt want to change, you can't make them. Particularly in Book two on the Chapter "What does a wife do" it gives very clear advice. Perhaps you may like to read it again.

 

Thank you

 

welshlamb :wub:

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Vision Scripture for this Ministry

per Joel & Kathy

 

Psalm 90:15, 16, 17 (New Living Translation)

 

Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! *1

Replace the evil years with good. *2

Let us see your miracles again; *3

let our children see your glory at work. *4

And may the Lord our God show us His approval *5

and make our efforts successful.

Yes, make our efforts successful! *6

 

This is our goal:

 

1. To help couples find gladness in proportion to their current and former misery! Marriage is designed by God to be greatest source of happiness, joy and contentment in this earth realm, second only to our relationship with Him and the joy of our salvation. Marriage is meant to make you holy, yes, AND happy! Outrageously happy! *1

 

2. To enable a couple to get into the position where God can replace the evil years with GREAT years! *2

 

3. To help a couple see God's miracles in their life: *3

A. The miracle of transformation in character and a restored marriage.

B. The miracle of restoration for all children and others who have been harmed by the marriage dysfunctions. *4

 

4. To let children experience what it is like to have God's glory and favor in their home because their parents are so wonderfully in love and outrageously happily married. This brings healing to the wounds that the children have been subjected to through the years of marriage misery in the home. *4

 

5. To get God's favor on every home that receives this message. A great marriage ATTRACTS God's favor and Glory. A great marriage IS the greatest representation of the Glory of God in the earth. *5

 

6. We pray that our efforts, and the efforts of our helpers in this forum will be successful. *6

 

7. We pray that your efforts at entering into an outrageously happy marriage will be successful. *6

 

http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/793-the-vision-scripture-for-this-ministry/

 

(I am a helper and moderator, have posted on your thread before... and am awaiting clarification from the call moderators about your situation)

 

 

blessings, dear heart

 

 

June of

Edited by June & Ward
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I'm so sorry that you're getting conflicting advice; know this is a stressful and tough time for you! Not all the helpers here are as up-to-date on your story as Joel and Kathy might be; since you've had some contact via e-mail or phone with them; so please keep coming here and posting current updates! I'd encourage you to also keep listening in to some of the conference calls each week, for support for YOU as you walk this difficult path with your husband!

I'm very sorry that he made the choice to get involved in porn again; was really hoping that his change of heart was 100% sincere; and he would continue to want to learn how to really live as a Christlike husband!

There's a huge amount of information, help, and support here for both husband and wife who want to work on a marriage restoration; but both have to be willing! You're right when you said that if he doesn't want to change, you can't make him! As his godly helpmeet, when he makes these wrong choices to stay stuck in his sin, and treat you in these abusive, uncaring ways; you have to follow God's commands and make some tough decisions; take care of yourself, hold fast to boundaries based on truth; and let God work in your husbands heart!

We KNOW your husband can do this....because he did listen to your heart for awhile; he did start to live as a Christlike man; for some reason he chose to stop doing it! This is NOT your fault, want to encourage you again to stay plugged in here to this ministry; keep following God's leading for your life; find encouragement and support from others here who are also walking similar paths with their husbands.

Will keep praying for you!

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That porn is the worst. Mine used to watch porn in his hotel room when out of town. Then he wanted ME to say and act like the dim wits in the porn!

 

Impossible for me. I would just look at him when he said "Talk dirty" or some of the other stupid things. AS IF!

 

He must have thought that was really how sex was supposed to be.

 

Makes me FURIOUS now to think of it.

 

But I was such a rube that I thought it was not unusual for men to watch that garbage if they were out of town. One of my friend's husbands always took his sales team to the "clubs". I was such a dope I just thought that was men for you.

 

Now I am not pleased when I think about it. I should have demanded he behave and stop corrupting his mind with porn.

 

Making something that is supposed to be beautiful into something gross and degrading.

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Welshlamb,

 

You are wise to separate. His turn around, going from willingness to unwillingness to repent and become accountable is profound. The separation should protect you financially from any financial decisions he makes that might become Your shared responsibility. I pray that God would provide both the financial resources you need, and the continuing emotional support.

 

There is no wrong way of feeling in such tumultuous times. Please don't think that going back and forth from resolve to fear to sadness to anger is in any way a problem. YOU ARE NORMAL!!!

 

It is normal for a woman wronged to be in turmoil. God will make it clear what your next step should be. Don't run ahead, or you might run straight into the arms of anxiety. God can be trusted with your plans and your heart. He will continue to walk this out with you, as He always has, the Good shepherd knows his little Welsh Lamb and will make a way, in the wilderness and lead you to the cool waters. That is not just wishful thinking or platitudes, it is His promise.

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Thank u for all your comments and understanding as I am fluctuating between excitement and sadness all the time!! I am not the worlds best at making such decisions that inflict pain or if I stand up for myself I can then feel guilty. I am getting better and the Lord is really helping me to

grow in that area. I just tend to spit it out when I speak. MY h is presently living in our home and I am at my mums until this weekend. How I agreed to this arrangement is crazy. He asked me if he could stay to finish his college course so he would have enough money. He is flying out to Africa on a one way ticket on the 20th April. I want to fast track the divorce because he is leaving the country and if I don't get things in place now, this could go on FOREVER!! I cannot see him ever instigating it because it would cost money ;) I will be finding out if I have more grant money today from my education and then I can proceed. It is because he is leaving the country that I feel I need to be so clear cut. I am scared of his reaction that he will refuse to sign just to make things difficult and not because he really cares about me. I don't think he has phoned Joel and Kathy as his actions are saying that he is on his way.

 

We have a property in Africa that needs to be sold. I would like to implement all this before he leaves. He originally said that he didn't want any money from the house because my mum paid for it and it belongs to her or me. However, when I asked him again, he said "I had a job, a car, a pension, savings before I met you and you have left me with nothing. I want half!" By law he is entitled to half, so I cant fight that one if I tried. Actually stating that your husband is emotionally, mentally, responsibly, and has been sexually abusive is hard when you have loved them and he wont like it!!! But its tough luck, and I really don't want to have him back unless there is true repentance and I see a genuine change.

 

Thanking u all

 

Welshlamb x :)

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Dear Welshlamb...sending you continued prayers to stay strong and make the right decisions. I do support your wanting to do whatever it takes to be financially protected. That's really important and you should do whatever it takes for you to do that even if it means having to get divorced or filing for it. We know that divorce doesn't necessarily mean you won't ever get back together again but that sometimes it's just a step in the process of reaching an OHM. But you know that from reading the books. If you need to divorce and/or get the papers started to get his signature before he leaves then I would say to go ahead. This whole thing is emotionally draining enough without unecessary financial worries.

 

It looks really so hard now and it is. But God will take what satan means for evil and turn it for good. In the end you will see victory! You are loved by God and by us!

Edited by faithworks
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dear Faithworks

 

Thank you for your answers, I do appreciate this and yes, I am always reading the books, particularly book two. I was packing yesterday to head for our home and I felt a real strong sense not to go back. My mum at that point came in and said "Do u have to go back yet?" So I have decided to stay with my mum until my H has flown out on the 20th. As soon as I know what finances I have, I will proceed with the divorce papers - with the intention of serving them before he leaves.

 

Value prayers for finance. I do believe i will always have enough and God said "Everything is going to be alright". My college course finishes in July and then I dont know what is going to happen and whether I will be able to keep renting the house. I will look

at Welfare and I am starting up my own business. So please pray for new doors of favour to open. :)

 

Thanking you

 

 

Welshlamb x

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Yes, God takes care of His girls! I think that you're wise not to go back to the house while he's still there and wise to serve the papers while he's still on this side of the world! Believing God for finances will surely bring them about in your favor. You sound very industrious and ambitious. What business are you wanting to start?

 

I'm sorry I didn't answer you sooner...I'm on the road (working...I travel a lot in my job which is consulting for pre school teachers). I get kind of tunnel vision when I'm working - it's pretty intense when I'm travelling, but fun!

 

You're doing great and being strong and very focused in how you're handling this difficult situation. ::clap

 

I'm glad you have your Mum there for support.

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Yes, God takes care of His girls! I think that you're wise not to go back to the house while he's still there and wise to serve the papers while he's still on this side of the world! Believing God for finances will surely bring them about in your favor. You sound very industrious and ambitious. What business are you wanting to start?

 

I'm sorry I didn't answer you sooner...I'm on the road (working...I travel a lot in my job which is consulting for pre school teachers). I get kind of tunnel vision when I'm working - it's pretty intense when I'm travelling, but fun!

 

You're doing great and being strong and very focused in how you're handling this difficult situation. ::clap

 

I'm glad you have your Mum there for support.

 

 

Thank you for making the time to write back, I am very touched that you would make time!! (Big hugs) Things alter every day don't they. I found out that I have next to nothing coming to me for extra grant money BECAUSE my husband is leaving. If he was to stay, I would get alot more!! I can

see why women go back to their husbands for all the wrong reasons, because they are toooo scared to go it alone. I felt sick for a little while and then realised that I was building my security in this grant rather than God being my source!! I think the Lord just chopped off another lump of dead wood!! :blink: Fortunately I was at a biblestudy with all my good friends so we were able to get around the word and I was really encouraged and built up. God is SO good, his timing is perfect. Cant afford to get all self-pityful about this, otherwise I will not be able to see it through.

 

Cant really pay for the divorce papers at the moment, so I am trusting God for all that, and he knows what is needed, and his timing is perfect. In Lamentations 3 (In the message version) it says "HE NEVER LEAVES THE ROOM AND FAILS TO RETURN - SIT IN SILENCE AND WAIT FOR HOPE TO ARRIVE" How cool is that. He WILL return and hope WILL arrive. Doesnt, say when(and thats the hard bit) but it will happen because HE IS A MAN THAT CANNOT LIE - wow!! I'm preaching to myself!!!! On that note I will go to bed.

 

Godbless Faithworks and bless you on the road. May you know and believe that he longs to prosper your soul, body and give you the ability to create wealth. Enjoy your travels.

 

Welshlamb :)

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I felt sick for a little while and then realised that I was building my security in this grant rather than God being my source!! I think the Lord just chopped off another lump of dead wood!!

 

I am so glad that you are seeing God's hand in this, for I know that my first knee-jerk reaction is to go to panic. He does give us good gifts in very suspicious packages. This really isn't an easy path, and God never promised us an easy journey along the way, but He did promise us that He would be with with us always, even unto the end of the earth. With that promise, I know I can go the distance.

 

Personally, the distraction of my painful relationship with my husband has occupied so much of my mind and energy that I often was not able to clearly discern the deeper spiritual conversation with God. Because of the end of my marriage, I am now on a renewed journey of faith, with clearer vision, better hearing, and greater appreciation of God's provision and purposes in my life.

 

Blessings on you WL

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Blessings toyou Welshlamb...

 

this is amazing...it is the second time this stupid hotel connection threw me off the internet before I could post my note to you...lost it totally so I am going to at least post this right away so you at least know I'm trying...ahh the frustrations of technology. Here goes...

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It just doesn't want to post. I've tried so many times now...

 

Last attempt and I'll be real fast and brief before it goes off again...

 

God gives us the power to give wealth...check out this website "eiwm.org" Dr. Leroy Thompson shows ouor new covenant rights in terms of finances...it's beautiful.

 

You stay close to Him and He'll see you through. So happy you have good friends and bible study.

 

Thank you for your blessings for my travels.

 

Hugs...hope this posts!

Edited by faithworks
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just wanted to give a quick "hello" and to let you know you are in our prayers as you go through the recovery of the pancreatitis (sp?) and the sorrow that your husband was not willing to DO what he should have to truly love you ---

 

May the Lord bring the healing to you that you need

 

blessings and prayers,

June of

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Hi Everyone!!

 

Sorry, I do get a little confused with the 'thread' idea and not quite sure how it works. (I know that must be obvious) lol!! :blink: I last posted on my praise report - I am out of hospital, and its VERY

tight financially, yet I have ALL that I need today, and that's all that counts. Might try and get on tonite's lady's only calls, it its happening.

 

Godbless and THANK YOU SO MUCH for your prayers and support.

 

 

Love Welshlamb xxxxx

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I haven't been here for SO long and thought I would update everyone by retracing the story.

 

The last time I wrote to you guys was around the time that my husband walked out on me at Christmas 2010. We were staying at my mum's at the time, over the christmas period. It was awful. My husband would stay in our bedroom all day and not come out. Eventually he walked out. He stayed with friends from our 'then' church and I remained with mum. Eventually he talked to Joel on the phone and was asked to come back and apologise to my mum and myself for his 'show down'. <_>

 

Long story short, I took him back and we went back to Wales to our home with the conditions of any more lies and the 'silence' treatment, he would have to go.

 

We continued our lives, going to college etc until around April time. We were doing the chats on the phone and looking at the teaching videos etc. The subject of pornography came up and the signs to look for. Joel was saying that if your husband was showing no interest when you made the effort to have sex, even if he denies it, he is watching porn. At that point I looked at my husband's face and he turned and smiled at me in his 'loving way' and I asked him whether he was watching porn and he flatly denied it and hugged me.

 

I went to college and then, I was surrounded by guys on my course that do watch the stuff and would talk so openly about it. I was driving home that night thinking, I am SO grateful that I have an honest man. We may be having our issues but at least I can trust him in that area. I got home and put on our laptop and immediately a pornographic, virtual reality picture came up of a couple having sex. After the day I'd had, I started to cry as it made me feel sick. I said to my husband about it and he put his arm around me and said "I'm SO sorry you had to see that, you MUSN"T download these programmes you get off the internet, because these horrible things get attached to it" My head was spinning and I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me that he's lying. So I confronted him and he eventually admitted it and said that "He had needs". I asked him to contact Joel and lets have some counselling and I would be willing to stand with him if he would get help. He flatly refused, so I asked him to go. :rolleyes:

 

I stayed at my mums again whilst he was still in our house and he was flying back to Africa on the 20th of April.. I was taken into hospital the weekend before he was flying out and was there for the next 7 days. He text me on the 20th saying "Sorry" and I never let on that I was in hospital. Would he then of come back out of duty? Would he say "No' again and leave me to experience even more abandonment.

 

This was, and has been the turning point of my life. The Lord spoke to me in those very dark hours of the night. I was alone, in pain, there were not any nursing staff around etc. and i cried out to God and said "You said you would never leave me or forsake me, why do I feel like EVEN you have abandoned me"

 

I then got a picture in the spirit, of the Lord on the cross when he cried out "Why have you forsaken me". I felt the Father speak to me at that moment and he said "Even my own Son felt that way when he was dying on the cross. Just because he felt that, doesn't mean it was true. Many have said that I turned away from him at that moment because he carried the sins of the world, but that's not true. I could never have abandoned him. I was there, my heart was breaking but I knew he had to do it. He was my Son and YOU are my daughter". I will NEVER leave you or forsake you.

 

The next morning, the ward Chaplin came around and he came to my bed and said "I don't suppose you want to talk about God" My face lit up!! "Of course I do". He stayed along while, so enthused to find a believer. He said "I feel God wants to say to you today, "I will never leave you or forsake you".That was it, I burst into tears!!!!!

 

 

Now in 2012, I have found new friends, a new church, I have just got a brand new job for the first time in 5 years and the future is looking better. God has healed my hurt and pain and I am continuing to get all the support I need at my home group.

 

I asked God to show me what he is saying about my marriage 10 months on and to bring resolve. I didn't want to interfere or MAKE something happen in anyway. He showed me a huge book, with the page turning and two new blank pages in front of me. He ran his thumb up and down the middle and pressed it down as to break the binding. He said "Don't look back, its a new page, new beginnings". and so I haven't. My husband then contacted after 9 months and said "I want a divorce and I want it done by July as I am going to the Middle East to teach". After picking myself up off the floor!!!!! :o

 

I am interested to know on what grounds as he is the one that left etc. :huh: I will sign whatever he says with an additional comment stating that I don't agree with the terms but I do want to move on with my life.

 

I do not want to go back to such oppression. It would have to be a brand new relationship, and its not what he is willing to do. So I move on. I am beginning to see daylight.

 

Love you lots and would love to hear from anyone that remembers me.

 

HUgs

 

Welshlamb xx

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There is a company called discount dial, that "bridges" the call and then it only costs half a pence per minute. rom a land line. If you are ringing from a mobile, there are other ways to do it, I don't know them, but I can find out.

 

The number is 08442009090

 

Wait for the instructions.

 

the joel and kathy conference call number is 00-152-716-6531

 

the password is 981128#

 

I've had a few cut-offs using discount dial, but generally its not a problem.

 

Apparently you can skype it. I've never done it though.

 

I'm from the north. Clitheroe? In Lancashire.

 

Hope it works out for you. ;)

Edited by Princess Fiona
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