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Passive man says the laundry is folded, kids are in bed and the living room vacuumed. Come enjoy some chocolate chip cookies me dear! MUAH!

 

very nice!

 

And yes, we are keeping CMarie in prayer.

 

It is time for her to have an adrenaline crash. She worked hard for it, now she gets to "enjoy" it! Ha. ::love

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I just wanted to pop in her and verify that HERO did immediately turn things around after reading my letter. The very next day I woke up feeling really crummy, I had a nasty allergy attack (gotta love pollen ugh). Even though I was not on top of him, he went the extra mile to nurse me back to health. He began "pursuing" me once again, something that has been lacking for quite a few weeks that I mentioned to him. This week he set up a romantic date night (tonight), hid adorable love notes for me, and made me an invitation to celebrate 16 weeks of OHM with him this Sunday (in our bedroom :wub: ). He has not only been handling the weight of the household while I have been sick but he has really amped up the love factor.

 

He also finally sat down with my mom and faced his personal issues last night pertaining to his dad that awakened this poor attitude to begin with. I believe this will bring us to a new level of growth as individuals and as a couple.

 

He is such a fantastic husband, I love him SO much!

 

Cmarie

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It (life), always starts in the heart of the initiator. the change of the flow of life or death that is. How is the place of growth seen unless a seed buried in fertile soil is blessed with the water of life? God has been so faithful to us for... pretty much... well our whole lives, these children that you Father God have given to Cmarie and I are direct teachers of faith, love, and understanding. Thanks for the perfect gift of teaching through the eyes of the innocent. Forever in awe of your creation and its ability to raise you up through growth, discovery, and healing

 

H.E.R.O.

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God has been so good in our lives. His love is so precious to us. I've been reading a lot of scriptures lately and ever since the other night when I had my breakthrough with the dad issues his word is just coming alive. It's like a deep cavern in my life has been closed up and I can see past the issues a child would have so my adult nature can actually read sciptures and gain insight from them. My wife has been blessed by this breakthrough too!

 

Her mother has been a pastor for many years and shared some very life altering knowledge with us on how to actually deal with the child within and let the past bondage go. It's so easy for a man to get caught up in the what about me mindsets that we often don't catch ourselves slipping into the comfort zone our child within us has made for us. I am thankful that I can have a rational conclusion to many of the challenges that face me daily and not let the child over rule in times of heightened levels of stress. This was a HUGE breakthrough for our family and I am just so blessed to less my wife and kids by being the man she and they have needed all along.

 

In the moments of stress induced panics, I no longer see the easiest way out (most often the child like way of hiding the issues) but rather I let the Lord guide me through what it means to actual face the issues and move past them the Christ did and does.

 

I am going to be honest and say the following:

 

MAN CANNOT IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE TELL ME THAT THIS IS JUST A HIGH THAT WILL PASS IN TIME. THE INTENSIVE STIRRED A FIRE WITHIN ME THAT I KNOW MANY STILL FEEL LONG AFTER THE INTENSIVE BREAKTHROUGH WEEKEND MIRACLES FADED INTO A REALITY OF AN OHM.

 

There I feel better lol. god is just so good to us that his peace, love, and joy just goes where we go. How can we not be so touched by his spirit that we have no need for man made happiness. Nothing can replace the god breathed feeling of loving another. I love you Cmarie, now and forever.

 

H.E.R.O.

Edited by Cmarie & H.E.R.O.
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Just wanted to say I love you SOOO much HERO. You are so romantic and sexy! If this is what "recovery" feels like, I cant wait until OHM! :wub:

 

I also want to add something we talked about after our wonderful "anniversary" celebration Sunday night. I said to HERO how sad it is that men don't just do things the easy way when it comes to LM. They can either DEMAND LM and spiritually abuse their wife by citing scriptures about her body being his etc, etc, OR he can romance his wife and she would then be more than willing to do whatever he asks. HERO said thats where the joy in it is, thats why dating is so attractive (and thus enticing to a man to get into an affair) it is all about the excitement and romance that leads to sex. Its not ALL about the sex, its fun to romance a woman and win her over. In the end, he is still getting the sex he wanted, but why not enjoy the process?

 

I think this is true in any situation, not just LM. If a man wants a clean house, he can bless his wife to the point that she is so full of energy and oxytocin that she is a cleaning machine, or he can throw a fit or stew silently about how miserable she is making him. If he wants to go to a football game or something similar, He can lovingly invite his wife to join him, which she may accept or decline, or he can whine and complain about how he never gets to do ANYTHING because of his ball and chain. It just seems so simple to do things the easy way to get what you wanted in the first place rather than make life a living nightmare for everyone.

 

I am learning that with my kids. I can ask them to clean up their toys nice or make a fun game out of it or I can scream at them about being slobs. Which is more effective? It is not manipulation to do this, its INITIATION. Manipulation is getting what you want in an abusive way, initiation is getting what you want in a selfless, sacrificial way. Simple, yet strangely so difficult.

 

i believe once a man can work through his AD and M-S issues, it becomes fun again to pursue and romance his spouse just like when they were dating. I am glad that HERO is over himself and is really getting into being the man of my dreams. I am happy to bless him in whatever ways he would like me to because he has been so sweet.

 

There are times I can tell things aren't going "his way" and it is tough for him to work through, but for the most part he just does whatever is needed at the time. He sees it as his job to be a husband and does his job well, just like he does his REAL job. Things don't always go perfectly just like at work, and sometimes things are tough and stressful, but he doesnt just quit, he finishes the job and moves on.

 

I am so grateful for how far we have come, and I can only see us making more and more progress in the future. I am so blessed!

 

I love you my HERO ::love

 

Cmarie

Edited by Cmarie & H.E.R.O.
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Well we got our paperwork today and CPS did file an an indication against us. This basically means they have proof that abuse occurred (the post I wrote). In Gabes letter it says he was not responsible for any abuse toward the children or for allowing abuse to go on, but in my letter it did hold me responsible for the abuse toward the children.

 

I knew this to be true because in the post i admitted to abuse, but somehow reading it in writing was so crushing. I have never shown my children anymore abuse than I had been shown as a child. MY parents weren't reported to CPS or anything, thats just how people were raised, I guess. Its frustrating because a lot of the reason I was abusive was because of a lack of knowledge, I simply did not know what my alternatives were as a parent. I was so afraid to mess my kids up that I messed my kids up... UGH!

 

I also know that because of what GABE has done, he should be facing server consequences, yet he is seemingly getting off scott free. MY parents are upset about the letter stating me as guilty and him as not guilty because they know how much he has done to destroy our family and everyone around us and yet I seem to pay the penalty for his sin over and over again. Its not that Gabe has never been abusive to our kids, it is that I actually reached out to get help because my gut feeling was that it is not RIGHT to be so angry and act in those ways. Because I sought help, I got in trouble. Gabe gets to sweep his sin under a carpet and move on with life. It just plain sucks because as he has said before, if he was the husband and father I needed him to be, none of this would have happened.

 

However, it is said and done. There is nothing I can do to change the caseworkers decision. There is no use in getting all bent out of shape over what has happened, all I can do is look forward. Gabe will still have to face God for his relationship with the girl and his abuse toward me and the kids. He is not getting off "scott free" and will still be held accountable for his actions, just as I will. The focus now is what we can do to make the best of our lives and have fantastic relationships with each other and our kids.

 

Some good things have come from this. First off we will both learn to be better parents and our kids will grow up happy and healthy and not a dysfunctional mess like we were. Its not fair that we were raised how we were and had no clue how to parent, but it doesnt have to be that way for our kids. We will make the necessary sacrifices so THEY will be great parents to our grandkids.

 

Second off, it has pushed us to deal with some deep issues we have both been carrying so we can have less baggage weighing us down with each thing we face. I have also gotten support I desperately needed and i am making real meaningful friendships with other moms in the area who will bring me more support and encouragement as I continue on my journey as a mom. None of that would be available to me (or I may not have chosen to access it) had this not happened.

 

Its sad that because of this I will never be allowed to work with kids ever again, but God had it planned out this way for a good reason, whether I see it or not. I have to admit I am scared of what the future holds. As I told Gabe, and accidental injury that was NOT caused by abuse, could frame us a guilty and we may have our kids removed form the home because the indication has been filed. ITs scary because even if from this day forward no abuse ever happens again in our home, something completely unrelated could cause us to lose our kids anyway. I just have to trust God to keep our family together, just like am trusting him that my husband's butt stays out of jail. I can't worry about the future, I can only take life one moment at a time and enjoy what God has given me.

 

In the end I am so thankful that my kids are safe and that I will soon have the necessary tools to be the mom I always dreamed of. As Kathy said, God is going to use this situation in the future to minister to other families going through the same struggles. If I learn the answers that will protect even one child or help restore even one family, it is worth it. After all I am just the clay and sometimes being molded can be painful, but I know I will make my Daddy God proud.

 

Thanks for your prayer and support!

 

Cali

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Its sad that because of this I will never be allowed to work with kids ever again,

 

I wouldn't jump to this conclusion.

 

Many first time offences, especially when you are admitting, reaching out for help, humble, etc etc, are easily expunge-able after a year's time.

 

Nemo had his charges removed after a year and his record is now clean to anyone who does a background check.

 

God is good to all those who love Him. it'll be OK. Keep asking for help and asking good questions of the CPS.

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In general, churches, for example, would be able to let you work with children if they do "due diligence" - that is an interview where they document that they are aware of the history and that you and they have talked about it. That sounds pretty lame - but from our understanding, that is pretty much it.

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Just wanted to say I love you SOOO much HERO. You are so romantic and sexy! If this is what "recovery" feels like, I cant wait until OHM! wub.gif

 

I also want to add something we talked about after our wonderful "anniversary" celebration Sunday night. I said to HERO how sad it is that men don't just do things the easy way when it comes to LM. They can either DEMAND LM and spiritually abuse their wife by citing scriptures about her body being his etc, etc, OR he can romance his wife and she would then be more than willing to do whatever he asks. HERO said thats where the joy in it is, thats why dating is so attractive (and thus enticing to a man to get into an affair) it is all about the excitement and romance that leads to sex. Its not ALL about the sex, its fun to romance a woman and win her over. In the end, he is still getting the sex he wanted, but why not enjoy the process?

 

I think this is true in any situation, not just LM. If a man wants a clean house, he can bless his wife to the point that she is so full of energy and oxytocin that she is a cleaning machine, or he can throw a fit or stew silently about how miserable she is making him. If he wants to go to a football game or something similar, He can lovingly invite his wife to join him, which she may accept or decline, or he can whine and complain about how he never gets to do ANYTHING because of his ball and chain. It just seems so simple to do things the easy way to get what you wanted in the first place rather than make life a living nightmare for everyone.

 

I am learning that with my kids. I can ask them to clean up their toys nice or make a fun game out of it or I can scream at them about being slobs. Which is more effective? It is not manipulation to do this, its INITIATION. Manipulation is getting what you want in an abusive way, initiation is getting what you want in a selfless, sacrificial way. Simple, yet strangely so difficult.

 

i believe once a man can work through his AD and M-S issues, it becomes fun again to pursue and romance his spouse just like when they were dating. I am glad that HERO is over himself and is really getting into being the man of my dreams. I am happy to bless him in whatever ways he would like me to because he has been so sweet.

 

There are times I can tell things aren't going "his way" and it is tough for him to work through, but for the most part he just does whatever is needed at the time. He sees it as his job to be a husband and does his job well, just like he does his REAL job. Things don't always go perfectly just like at work, and sometimes things are tough and stressful, but he doesnt just quit, he finishes the job and moves on.

 

I am so grateful for how far we have come, and I can only see us making more and more progress in the future. I am so blessed!

 

I love you my HERO love3.gif

 

Cmarie

 

 

Thanks for posting this. I too have found that it is so much more fun to pursue my bride and romance her as I did when we started dating. It is not only fun, but the exillerating as well.... wink.gif

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I can minister anytime in life, but my kids are only kids once.

 

Amen Sister. I am coming to this conclusion the hard and fast way! Good for you to focus while they are still young. I was too focused on my failing marriage and now on ministry. I need to slow down too.

 

God will vindicate you.

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Your welcome!

 

I have to say this week has been exhausting to say the least. HERO has had to work lots of overtime so by the time he gets home we have to rush through dinner and then fight to get the kids to bed. Afterward we are so beat that we don't spend any time together. It has been really draining on my and the stress has been very high.

 

I shared this with HERO last night and he listened carefully to me. I decided the only option was to have dinner whether he is home or not, get the kids to bed and then spend time together afterward. This means he wont be spending any time with his kids at all Monday through Friday. As much as that isn't fair to them, we would be doing them a greater disservice is we took our focus off of our newly recovering marriage and allowed it to fall apart. Our kids need us to have a strong foundation that they can trust in and feel safe.

 

Without this time together I cannot survive. I am so over worked and very exhausted. It's difficult to "cram" in romance into only and hour or less if we even have that. This week we had two very sick kids so that took up any time we might have had together caring for them. I realized how hopeless i feel when I don't have a strong relationship with HERO. I need him desperately. This is a far cry from when we were roommates with independent lives. My heart longed for him, but I did just fine without him. Now I feel like i am dying of thirst if we don't spend time together. I'd make a real crummy military wife, that's for sure :lol:

 

So I guess that's about where we are at. The next two months will be more of the same, very tough, high stress, exhausting, but I will get more down time with our oldest in school during the day. I will miss her but I'm looking forward to it being just me and my boys for a while. I just need to survive the next two weeks. There are only two things that I'll ensure my survival, my God and my HERO.

 

I know my God is there, as for HERO time will tell.

 

Cmarie

Edited by Cmarie & H.E.R.O.
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Maybe those classes that CPS thought you didn't need (but that you wanted) might be re-considered in your case. Your sharing this story with them might help them change their plan in that regard.

 

You are not a bad mom. You are a wounded child and wife who is having trouble shutting down that wounded reaction in the most stress-filled moments. YOur responsibility is not to blame yourself, but to get the help you need.

 

You are NOT a bad mom. You are a beloved daughter of God.

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life has been radically changed since last year. Im very grateful for the changes our lives have taken since then. Its important that I remember the past so I don't head down there again. I know I tread on thin ice daily. Its a constant reminder of the lack of integrity, trust, faith and devotion I had then. The safety of our kids is important to us and God is shaping us for the success to come.

 

Some important things that I think about daily is the survival of my family as a whole. I want to be there for my kids like they need me to be. The ice I tread on is always thin and will be until I die. So trust me when I say "I am a changed man" Praise God he can change even the sinner I am. Thanks for the support and constant love that pours out of your hearts.

 

H.E.R.O.

Edited by JoelandKathy
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Life is good! Past few days have been crazy but I'm thankful that life has been moving forward in the way it is. I've seen my wife's change in heart unfold right before my eyes. Life has to be the way it is. Scripture tells me that my fruit will be defined by the type of tree it's grown from. I've sewn from a bad heart for along time. I'm thankful that life has been turning around and life can bring change t a man's heart. God has been so faithful for us.

 

He works for those who trust in him. Life can use people to make you get down or feel a certain emotion. God however has been using the faith we have in him, not man, or any particular ministry to change our future. He has been crafting our hearts to align to his vision and purpose for our lives. I'm grateful for his love, compassion, truth, joy and peace to continue to fill our hearts deeper.

 

H.E.R.O.

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We are very proud of you guys! Very happy to have you to be part of our world!

 

Here is a post by "simply jules" that you may not have seen. What a great encouragement for parents!

 

the marcellin-girl ramblings…

……summer is well on its way to being over but it has been a summer to cherish and remember. This is the year of many firsts, the first year we have travelled for half of the summer, the first year of an all girls road trip through the US, the first time the girls have met all their American cousins, the first year I can truly say we have become bathing beach beauties, and so on and so on.

 

I never really understood that old saying about the cup “runneth over” but oh this year, this is the first summer I really ‘get it’. I can truly say that I have fallen so deeply and madly in love with those precious little girls that I am so fortunate to be the mommy of (although I have recently been informed I should not refer to myself as such in public). It’s a funny thing what happens if you actually stop long enough to just do nothing for a really long time with your little people. Suddenly the quirks that usually agitate when hurried, suddenly become entertaining and funny. Suddenly the clouds take on a great number of characters, species and yummy food (have you ever stared at the clouds for a really really long time….try it).

 

Suddenly being crammed in a tiny space namely a car for 10 hours, or a hotel room, or a roller coaster car, with two offspring becomes pure joy. Have you ever let an 8 year old navigate and give directions? You can do that when you don’t really care how long it takes to get there. Have you ever let a 5 year old decide your agenda for the day? You may be surprised what you might find out.

 

It won’t be the expensive outing to an amusement park, or to a toy store to buy the latest greatest gadget, but rather to sit on your lap at the pool for the entire day, or make sand castles, or to sit and strum a guitar and sing silly songs off-key all day, or to brush your hair and give you a mommy makeover or to just go "hang out" in the local housing complex where you volunteer as a family. I am rambling, please forgive me, but how does one summarize the joyfulness, the togetherness, the silly-ness, the nothingness of a 4 week holiday with the best little people alive?

 

So if you have been wondering where the 3 marcellin-girls have been hiding this summer, we have living it and loving it, like never before.

 

God in His infinite wisdom allowed me to be the mommy to the most precious little somebody’s. And I am so grateful and blessed to have slowed down long enough to see what they had to say about it all….imagine that everything I needed to know about life, I could learn from my little people…..

 

...simply jules...

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Here is a post from another topic. The quote is from the wife - and our reply follows. Thought you would be blessed by it!

 

 

 

You know, this last few weeks have been so encouraging to me, almost as good as when we were first married (2 yrs ago) and we were talking to my son last night (on the phone) and my husband made some comment about how good our marriage is. I ammended it to say especially these last few weeks because my son knew how things have been which is really, really hard for me, and I was surprised by my husband's comment. You heard him last night on the call, he's really working on doing the right thing and being the husband God's called him to be, but he said on the phone with my son last night (who's 27 btw) that these last few weeks have been the hardest he's ever had and he's frankly been miserable. I was so surprised at what he said that I thought he was joking and I was laughing and he said it wasn't funny, that he's not having fun at all but he's glad it's been good for me. (I don't know how to take that)

 

Your entire post is a milestone that you will look back on as a "marker" in your journey. If hubby keeps with it, you will keep moving forward from here and reaching more milestones of growth and happiness.

 

Your husband saying the last few weeks have been miserable for him is perfect. A wife SHOULD be feeling happy FIRST and then a husband will start feeling happy later. PERFECT experience you are having! Happy Wife/Happy Life - but the journey of a man changing does make him miserable at first and then his happy wife makes him happy! Don't misunderstand a husband's initial misery. That is an inner thing that he is not actually supposed to TELL you about.. it is an internal thing as he does the self-therapy of killing his old man... and becoming the new creature in Christ Jesus that he was supposed to become when he got born again.

 

A husband's misery should not be because his wife is MAKING his life miserable. On the contraire.. when a husband is doing good, a wife should be pouring out nice treatment on to him. However, he will still have inner pain of change because it is painful for him in the beginning to treat his wife great. It is so much the opposite of what he naturally wants to do which is to self focus and to be selifish/self centered. The focusing out on his wife and children is excruciatingly painful for a short time. It is almost violence that a man has to do inside himself to make the transition. That is why we teach wives to warmly respond to her husband's efforts. We guys need that encouragement!.. them little parades.. and well,, great sex! ha! and before anyone gets nervous, let me be QUICK to say that ANY sex with his wife is good sex for a healthy guy! So whether it be a quicky, or a hang from the chandeliers party or a two hour romantic escapade.. it is all good sex for a healthy guy! We ain't too picky! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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