Rebuilding Trust Posted August 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2013 Yes, but remember that I had walked this out for over two and a half years and that I was going on the advise of Joel and Tim. I also never gave up, just changed the view. You must keep in mind when you read others posts, that there may be more there than meets the eye. Each marriage is unique and each situation is unique. Most of the things the men's ministry teaches apply to all marriages/situations, but some are unique to each situation. Nevertheless, I am very pleased with these recent events......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ponyboy3399 Posted August 15, 2013 Report Share Posted August 15, 2013 I know Tony. I meant that as an encouragement. How sometimes our situation changes when we least expect it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted August 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2013 Thank you..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted August 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2013 The following is my rewrite of a quote - for original quote click here - Haim G. Ginott, Teacher and Child: A Book for Parents and Teachers--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I have come to an awesome realization that I am the only solution to my marriage. It is my personal approach that creates the climate for success or failure. My daily mood sets the mood of the marriage and I posses tremendous power to make my wife miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration to her. I can humiliate her or lift her up, hurt her or bring her healing. In all situations, it is my response to her that decides whether a crisis is escalated or deescalated, whether she is blessed or she is cursed. If I treat my wife as anything other than as 'God's daughter', I bring cursing upon her . On the other hand, if I love her as Christ loved the church, I bring her healing and into the presence of Christ Himself." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted August 31, 2013 Report Share Posted August 31, 2013 Great original quote... and great re-write! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted September 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2013 Hey everyone, Been a while since I checked in because I have been very busy finishing up my bachelors degree. I did it, I graduate a week from this Friday on Sept 13th. In addition, my youngest girl named Sharayah, just started a hybrid home school/charter program as a freshman and I have been very busy with getting her all situated. Things with S have been going really really well. She is still in Arkansas taking care of her granny but we talk everyday now. And not just text messages like before, we are having hour(s) long phone conversations multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times daily. The conversations are incredible, they are not heavy and worrisome of maybe saying the wrong thing. Instead they are light, loving and a blessing to us both. S has told me multiple times lately that she can not believe how much she enjoys our conversations, that she looks forward to them now and she walks away feeling loved and adored. She explains that it is not that there are not still triggers there, but that I am not hitting them as often anymore and that when I do, I quickly recover, apologize and move on.....S says that she is 200% committed to the marriage and to being a family again once she is comfortable with her granny's situation. Her granny's health is up and down and the Alzheimer's is getting worst and worst by the day. S is not able to make it to my graduation next week in which I am very disappointed. She says she will be there with me in SPIRIT! In either late October or Early November, she is going to fly home for a visit for two weeks. In January, I am going to fly there a week or two. As of right now, S does not know how long she will be there with her granny but has asked me to hang on for now and we will reevaluate every 3 months. I should also add that she will be paying for the trips back and forth. She is working part time while she is there and doesn't have a lot of expenses there. She says she doesn't want to take money from her families household so that she will take care of the trips..... I should also mention that it looks like that in 2014, due to me getting my degree, that I will be getting a promotion at work. The promotion involves transitioning my current job to 50% and into IT 50%. The IT job will be with our mother company which is out of Chicago and will require some travel but will not require me to relocate. I will work remotely and report to Chicago for one week every month or two, yet to be determined for sure. S is 200% on board with this and even talked about possibly relocating to Chicago with me when and if that time comes...... God Bless everyone - who do you choose to serve this day. your flesh or God? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted October 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2013 Just checking in - things are still going REALLY REALLY great with communications with S (daily phone calls and lots of texts). I have a day once in a while where I loose faith that we will end up back together but I push through those days and stay the course. So many people tell me that she is making a choice to be there with her granny instead of being home with her husband and kids (hard to swallow some days) but I choose to put my faith in God and not in people's opinions or interpretations of the situation. One thing is for sure, S would not be in this situation if I had been the man a Christlike man from the beginning. My focus these days is more about bringing her healing than about winning her heart back but don't get me wrong, I still have hope of winning her heart back...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimothyPaul Posted October 16, 2013 Report Share Posted October 16, 2013 Mat_10:32 "Stand up for me against world opinion and I'll stand up for you before my Father in heaven. Mat_6:10 Set the world right; Do what's best-- as above, so below. 1Jn_4:4 My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhorns2000 Posted November 10, 2013 Report Share Posted November 10, 2013 Guys, our job is to be initiators. Our wives are our mirrors and therefore the responders. We cannot wait until we have our wives back to make changes, we have to make changes now. There is always going to be an excuse as to why we can't BUT those are just lies from the devil himself! If we don't change it is because we won't change (choice)! For me, my excuse was always been the other guy. It was so unfair, so wrong, and it hurt so bad - I would justify to myself that it was ok to take a day off, to feel sorry for myself. Yes, I knew that my wife was only in the affair because I pushed her there through my past abuse but I would think to myself, look at me now. What I am trying to say here is that sooner or later, we have to change. So are you going to take the long road or the short road? Me, I'm getting off the long road. I am going to wake up each day with focus and purpose and I am going to become the best me I can be. Do I want to win my wife back? Absolutely, but I don’t want to win her back so I can lose her again because I have not changed the things that pushed her away to begin with. Tony, those are encouraging words. I've been hearing a lot of this lately. This is an old thread, but thank you for saying it, as it's still true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted November 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2013 Hello everyone, Checking in. Things are still going really, really well with S. She will be coming home for a visit the week of Thanksgiving (kids and I r so looking forward to it), we have already converted the house so that once she gets in, she can not leave without the access codes, lol...... Today, I need everyone to lift her up in your prayers. As I type this she is at the doctors having a needle biopsy on her right breast. She has a lump and has been having pain associated with it. This is her second time around with this, first time around the test came back negative for cancer, so I am hopeful. For the last thirty minutes I have been texting her as she gets checked in and then as she was waiting, she was trying not to cry. She says this one is different and that she is really worried. She shared with me that if it was cancer, that she would be coming home for good but that she didn't want to think about it or she would start crying. Lord, I would rather her not have cancer and stay there indefinitely, than have her come home and her have to go through this. Lord, not my will, but yours be done and please be with Shawn today. Wrap your arms around her and hold her tight..... We know that you are in control even when it seems like our world is out of control..... AMEN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted November 14, 2013 Report Share Posted November 14, 2013 Awww, Tony . . . tell her I'm praying for her. Keep us posted, OK? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted November 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 The tests are over and we should know by end of the day on Tuesday according to the doctors. I will keep you posted..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted November 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 Lord, have Your way with me..... Unspoken - Lift My Life Up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UveOPq_iao) You brought me this farSo why would I question You nowYou have providedSo why would I start to doubtI've never been stranded, abandonedOr left here to fight aloneSo I'm giving You controlI lift my life, lift my life upI give it all in surrenderI lift my heart, lift my hear upYou can have it foreverAll my dreams, all my plansLord, I leave it in Your handsI lift my life, lift my life upHave Your way in meHave your way in meIf peace is a river, let it sweep over meIf I'm under fire, I know it's refining meWhen I hear You calling out, I follow nowWherever the road may goI know You're leading me homeTake my life, let it beAll for YouTake my life, let it beAll for YouTake my life, and let it be all for YouRead more: Unspoken - Lift My Life Up Lyrics | MetroLyrics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted December 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2013 BREADCRUMBS On the men's call recently I told a story to a gentleman that was separated from his wife, the story was about breadcrumbs. I explained to him how my wife, from the first day she left me, started leaving breadcrumbs that led back to her heart. In fact, the breadcrumbs were there way before she left me, I just didn't ever take the time to notice. I told him to picture two woman, running through the forest. The first woman is very carefully to not leave a trail, she covers up her foot prints and is extra careful to not break branches or leave any sign that she was ever there. The second woman, leaves foot prints, broken branches and other distinguishing marks along her path to the other side of the forest. Neither woman ever wants to go back to what is on the other side of that dark and scary forest they felt forced to run through. In fact the first woman was so careful to make sure that she was not followed. But the second woman, what was she doing? Does she want to be followed, does she want to be found? Well the answer is YES and NO. She does want to be followed (pursued) and she does want to be found (loved, accepted and adored) but she does not want to go back to what was on the other side of that forest. She ultimately wants to be rescued by the very person she was running from. This is why she left BREADCRUMBS along the trail.... These BREADCRUMBS come is all sizes and shapes. Some of these breadcrumbs can be like poison ivy in that they can be painful, uncomfortable and even downright excruciating. But just because they hurt, does not mean they were not meant to help us find her. See, for me, some of those most excruciating BREADCRUMBS came when my wife was sharing with me about the ways in which her boyfriend, yes boyfriend, would do things for her in ways I didn't and how that made her feel so special. Some of you guys are probably thinking that those were not breadcrumbs, that was just mean and hateful. That is one way of looking at it. But let me ask you a question? Why would she bother to tell me those things if she didn't want me to know? Yes, she might be really, really mad and maybe even want to hurt me but she also still wanted deep down to be followed (pursued) and found (loved, accepted and adored). The only reason there was a boyfriend in the first place, is because I wasn't meeting those needs. I suddenly found myself in a very unique position where I had no choice but to hear her heart. It was in that period, where I for the first time since she walked out the door and I took off chasing her through the woods, that I saw that first BREADCRUMB. Let’s just say that after finding that first one, I never looked back. So guys, are you looking for the breadcrumbs? They may not always be easy to find or even easy to pick up once you find one, but you must be on the lookout for them. God made your wife to be your HELPMEET. Look back, there were BREADCRUMBS there before she left, you just chose to follow a different path (plain and simple). Let the tracking begin gentleman..... Find a breadcrumb, figure out what your wife is telling you, savor it like you just found gold - cause guess what - you did! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
For Him For Her Posted December 30, 2013 Report Share Posted December 30, 2013 Great job! God BlessDavid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted January 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2014 I am worshiping while I'm waiting! John Waller - "While I'm Waiting" - with scenes from FIREPROOF..... http://youtu.be/i6X71sXagUY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Hi everyone, just wanted to check in an say HI.... S has been home visiting since Sunday the 12th and will be leaving tomorrow - the visit has been fabulous. Don't know how to describe it because it seems so weird having her come home to visit but yet it seems so right at the same time. It is not for me to question what God is doing, only to trust Him! Our next trip is planned for March 21st, which is our 23 year Anniversary. We are meeting in Las Vegas on the evening of the 21st and will stay two nights. We will then fly home to California and S will stay until Sunday, March 30th. There are talks of her coming home permanently in maybe late Aug or early Sept.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted March 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Hello everyone, wanted to stop by and check in. I will be with S in just one week for our 23 year anniversary. Things are going beyond great and she says distance has made her heart grow fonder and for the first time since she left, she says she has fallen back in love with me! There is movement in her coming home for good soon but I'm not yet ready to share the details as I know she may step back again before moving forward. Let's just say she has a job interview for a position here, while she's here next week! It's funny, we haven't really talked about it much. All she has really said about it is that she hopes she gets it. I don't want her to feel the least bet pressured so I just smile big and pray God will lead her home. Please keep us in your prayers, now is the time we need it most. God Bless......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 It's refreshing to hear news like this. May you continue to receive wisdom and peace from the throne of God! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Where is the "like" button? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted March 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2014 Hello everyone, I don't have much time but wanted to POST to let everyone know that my week with S has been, well, awesome. She will leave tomorrow to go back to Arkansas! In my post a few weeks ago I mentioned that S was going to have an interview while she was here. Well, on Monday, she had the interview and by the end of the day on Monday - she got offered the position and accepted. But not only did she get the position, but she got offered the position at two dollars and hour above what the position was posted at because of her experience and great recommendations! The position is a new one and they are allowing her to go back to Arkansas and finish out her current teaching contract that ends in late May. This also allows her to go back to Arkansas and wrap up things with her family. She seems genuinely excited about coming home and being a family again. She reconnected with our God son and his baby girl Arianna this week and it was so awesome to see her heart strings being pulled. This was something that she has avoided during most of the separation as she did with many old relationships, probably out of guilt, pain and hurt..... I could never blame her, only try to understand! So, things are moving forward. As she said to me yesterday, just two more months and I will be home for good, thank you for being patient with me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney_Tunes Posted March 29, 2014 Report Share Posted March 29, 2014 That's awesome, Tony. I'm so happy for you both! ::clap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 31, 2014 Report Share Posted March 31, 2014 Wonderful! Thank God for His unspeakable Gift! Which leads us in amazing paths of righteousness -- including OHM's! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted March 31, 2014 Report Share Posted March 31, 2014 So-o good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted April 2, 2014 Report Share Posted April 2, 2014 Great to hear Tony. Thanks for your update on the Men's call last night. You are certainly encouraging me and other men through this ministry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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