Ready to be the Man of my womans dreams

[Rebuilding Trust]

I am so tired, only about an hour until I'm off work. Going to go home and sleep for a few hours and then have a scheduled rendevous with my wife later this evening to make connect a little, may or may not include making love, just gonna spend some quality time together enjoying each other...

 

I'm planning on taking a personal day from work tomorrow to catch up on some school work and take care of some personal business and hopefully rest a bit too. On Thursday, I will have the house to myself for a week. My wife is planning on spending a lot of time there with me during this week. I think she needs a break from the vagrant roommates, lol. Works for me.....

[Rebuilding Trust]

Things are going really well since my meltdown.

 

I got to make love to my bride on Tuesday night and then spend about six hours with her on Wednesday morning on my day off. At the end of our day, she suddenly remembered that her earphones were broken. She uses them everyday to listen to her music while she sleeps or while doing her work. Since I knew she was not going to be able to sleep without them, I rushed back ahead of her. I stopped by Best Buy on the way home and bought her a new pair and suprised her by leaving them on her pillow so when she got home she would be blessed. She was so suprised. We made love again on Wednesday night.

 

On Thursday morning, she got invited to go visit a friend that was gonna be in the area for business, about two hours away. She asked me if it was ok? Not sure why she asked, she obviously didn't need to ask me permission. I didn't hesitate to tell her to go, she deserved to get away and to go and have a great day. I told her I would make sure the kids were taken care of and gave her some spending cash and filled up her car with gas. She was all smiles.......

Edited July 28, 2011 by pk0321

[InHisImage]

Hi PK,

 

sounds like your bride is beginning to open up to you on a regular basis and is beginning to believe she can trust her emotions and heart to you again. That's HUGE!!!!

 

 

Things are going really well since my meltdown.

As i have read through your posts and the responses of the other men & women here, i can see that you've taken advice really well and have begun to give your wife's needs and desires their rightful priority, but PK...what i am not yet hearing is your journey towards Christlikeness.

 

I haven't been able to be on the men's call due to my own budget issues, so you may be sharing those challenges and victories there. What i do know is that this ministry is a two part, two step...as you become Christlike...as you learn to lay your life down for your bride and serve/honor her above all else you will begin to experience that OHM that so many talk about and so many others are living.

 

My point here brother is this, please share with us more about your changes...there is a consistentcy of explosions that seem to occur,and while you are doing a magnificant job in recovering from them...your bride is sooooooooo gracious (THANK GOD!!!!)...i am wondering how your process of spiritual development is coming along?

 

I stopped by Best Buy on the way home and bought her a new pair and suprised her by leaving them on her pillow so when she got home she would be blessed. She was so suprised. We made love again on Wednesday night.

Excellent example of putting her first and the God-designed response of a wife who loves her husband and feels cherished!! Yeah!!

 

There is a big long story about events that happened on Sunday morning that lead to my melt down that I will not go into here because the events really do not matter, what matters is that I did not control my emotions.

and on the other hand, the opportunity for internal growth.

 

The reason i'm bringing this to your attention, is that i am excited for the rebirth of your relationship with your bride, but there's the concern that you develop and mature into Christlikeness so the past will forever be behind you and never see a repeat. If we don't experience a renewing of our mind through the Word of God and become like his son, we are bound to repeat our old behaviors because we are our old selves.

 

I'm standing in prayer that a fully restored, OHM is yours!

 

In Him,

 

IHI

[Rebuilding Trust]

Hi PK,

 

sounds like your bride is beginning to open up to you on a regular basis and is beginning to believe she can trust her emotions and heart to you again. That's HUGE!!!!

 

 

As i have read through your posts and the responses of the other men & women here, i can see that you've taken advice really well and have begun to give your wife's needs and desires their rightful priority, but PK...what i am not yet hearing is your journey towards Christlikeness.

 

I haven't been able to be on the men's call due to my own budget issues, so you may be sharing those challenges and victories there. What i do know is that this ministry is a two part, two step...as you become Christlike...as you learn to lay your life down for your bride and serve/honor her above all else you will begin to experience that OHM that so many talk about and so many others are living.

 

My point here brother is this, please share with us more about your changes...there is a consistentcy of explosions that seem to occur,and while you are doing a magnificant job in recovering from them...your bride is sooooooooo gracious (THANK GOD!!!!)...i am wondering how your process of spiritual development is coming along?

 

Excellent example of putting her first and the God-designed response of a wife who loves her husband and feels cherished!! Yeah!!

 

and on the other hand, the opportunity for internal growth.

 

The reason i'm bringing this to your attention, is that i am excited for the rebirth of your relationship with your bride, but there's the concern that you develop and mature into Christlikeness so the past will forever be behind you and never see a repeat. If we don't experience a renewing of our mind through the Word of God and become like his son, we are bound to repeat our old behaviors because we are our old selves.

 

I'm standing in prayer that a fully restored, OHM is yours!

 

In Him,

 

IHI

 

 

Thank you for you input IHI,

 

You are so right about this process being a two part process. The beauty of the J&K ministry though is that it is almost impossible to only focus on your bride and not to have God in the process. As I have become involved in this ministry, my relationship with God the Father has done nothing but grow and blossom. I myself can not die to my flesh without his help, I tried that at first and it did not work. I have to look to him constantly to give me the strength to push through and to model how to die to myself like he died for me.

 

I am committed to becoming the man that god is calling me to become. I can not stand the old man that abused my wife. I am dying to that man every minute of everyday...

[InHisImage]

PK,

 

You are welcome; for so very long, the gift of sharing was afforded to me when i had nothing to give in return but my effort to incorporate the advice and wisdom i learned. Feel free to do the same and one day you'll be sharing with others as well!

 

You are so right about this process being a two part process. The beauty of the J&K ministry though is that it is almost impossible to only focus on your bride and not to have God in the process.

Exactly! What you are being called to become as a husband is beyond you...without God's help! With Him and through Him, all things are possible, but as men, in order for us to grow, we must let loose of those things of the old man and grasp hold of the things of the new man. The ego, pride, and selfishness of the old man will only permit the laying down of one's life for only so long...then he has to assert himself and create destruction and ruin in order to feel valued. We are soooo stubborn & blind as men sometimes!

 

 

As I have become involved in this ministry, my relationship with God the Father has done nothing but grow and blossom. I myself can not die to my flesh without his help, I tried that at first and it did not work.

PK, i wish every man on this forum understand that truth. We cannot die to our flesh without His help; without the hope of His calling us to a higher place...a greater purpose...a more complete understanding and maturity. Additionally, it takes great faith to die to our flesh. Just as the prophet was killing his own son knew...God could bring his son back to life...then...that angel stopped the sacrifice and provided the ram. We must step out in faith...crucify daily the old man that has held us back for so long and cling to the promises of God...

 

I have to look to him constantly to give me the strength to push through and to model how to die to myself like he died for me.

....i like this. My daily prayer for you & other men is that God strengthens them to face this daily, hourly, battle. That He provides the necessary vision for them to be motivated to push through according to their faith. That as He provides the STRENGTH, that He also provide the victory; the opportunity to bring HONOR to Him in our choices and manner of living. I think it essential for men to have victories over their flesh, over the corruption in this world that seeks to steal their mind, heart, and passion. Hopefully, as you grow, God will open your eyes to the battle and the battle-field around you! You are a brave soldier...get ready to fight!

 

I am committed to becoming the man that god is calling me to become. I can not stand the old man that abused my wife. I am dying to that man every minute of everyday...

Well, good to hear! It will take commitment and patience. God's call is available for us all to achieve. Those whose wives are standing by their side providing encouragement, feedback, and support will grow faster. Those who have experienced a divorce or separation may be more highly motivated, but they too must stay committed in order to grow and mature.

 

I am excited for you PK...this process is just beginning and you are on your way!

 

Strength and Honor,

 

IHI

[Rebuilding Trust]

Things continue to go great, lots of positive interaction and responses. With me doing the paper route, I am getting less sleep, but seeing her more which is cool I guess. Each morning, we have been spending between 30 to 90 minutes together each morning before I go to work.

 

I have been taking my shower and getting my work clothes together so that I do not have to go back home before I go to work, this saves me about hour drive time and gas because the warehouse is 3/4 the way to my work. My truck has a king cab, and I sleep great in the back seat. Luckily it has been cool enough in the early mornings that this is working out. I am getting up at 1am and finish my route about 3:30am. My wife then calls me about 6:00am or 6:30am and I then meet her at the warehouse. We set around and talk, go get breakfast somedays and somedays go on a walk together. So far, this has really been a blessing to her I think. She smiles a lot and laughs a lot.

 

This is an interesting season for me, which I believe is only temporary but necessary. I'm not sure what God is up to here, but I definately feel his hand in these circumstances. I pray every morning that I will be able to be a blessing and a source of life to my bride during our time together.

 

We have a family trip planned later this month to go to Six Flags Marine World with the kids. She has let me know that she would like to go spend the day with me in Monterey one day soon too, I am making arrangements to make this happen and suprise her. She has always wanted to rent a convertible and drive down 17 mile drive which is right along the ocean and is full of beautiful scenery.

 

I continue to walk each night with my two children and this has also been a great bonding for us. Some nights we go to a movie or go get something to each. Some nights, when I get back to the apt, my wife invites me to stay all night.

 

I am trying to not be one of those husbands that thinks he has WON HIS WIFES HEART BACK and then moves on to the next challenge. I am 100% AWARE that this is a LIFE LONG JOURNEY, that I will always be WINNING MY WIFES HEART and DYING TO MYSELF each and every day for the rest of my life.

 

I am prepared for some more setbacks and bumps that will come, I just hope that I can not react poorly in these times, but instead that I can use the LOVERS apology correctly and turn these opportunities into healing moments for my beautiful bride.

 

I can not predict the future, but I have FAITH that if things continue going as they are, that my wife and I will be back together by end of the year which will be one year into the seperation. Her lease on her apartment is up in late December and she will be making a decision about us living together again based on this timing.

 

 

[TimothyPaul]

Whats the scoop with Mom & the time table?

[Rebuilding Trust]

Still working on the time frame. The place that I found is not currently available but should be by end of September which is my drop dead deadline. I have a few other things I am looking into as well that may come together sooner - see below.

 

Furnished 1 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom cottage. Dishwasher and large cupboard space in a luxury building ,The amenities include a pool, fitness center, sauna, jacuzzi, locker ooms, laundry room, squash court, basketball court, table tennis table, court yard, lifts, laundry service and a garage located in the building. The place is close to many restaurants and is half a block from the market.

Edited August 5, 2011 by pk0321

[TimothyPaul]

Make sure you don't let the progress your making build complacency/comfort. Try not to "work" on a time frame. Set a date, make it the goal, and then work on a plan.....

 

The mom issue could be a major "setback/bump" if you let it...

[Rebuilding Trust]

Make sure you don't let the progress your making build complacency/comfort. Try not to "work" on a time frame. Set a date, make it the goal, and then work on a plan.....

 

The mom issue could be a major "setback/bump" if you let it...

 

 

 

Still working on the time frame. The place that I found is not currently available but should be by end of September which is my drop dead deadline. I have a few other things I am looking into as well that may come together sooner - see below.

 

 

 

 

Reread my post TP - maybe I did use the word working on the time frame, but that is because I am working on meeting the deadline that is the end of September. No worries, but just wanted to clarify that I have set a drop dead date and I am working the plan. Thank you very much for following my thread, your advise has been very valuable to me....

 

I really like a couple of places and hope they work out. I could be moving out very soon if one of these come together.....

[InHisImage]

HEy there PK...how are ya?

 

You've been through some good times here lately huh?...seems like it's cookin right along!!

 

A few posts back i had asked about your internal process...what's going on inside you...your inner man

being remade into the image and likeness of Christ. I am gonna be a bit of a squeeky wheel here cuz i

still would like to hear more from you,and i feel there is more to hear.

 

Let me explain...You are a good communicator...you are also in the first stages of this process and i

know it's easy to get on a roll and then "BLuoowww!" it hits...out of the blue. :Your internal

conflict resolution and processing needs to be directed and based upon God's Word, His process, and

his regimine...(don't think i spelled that right)...anyhow, there was a time when i realized that it

would not have been a good idea for my wife to invite me back into her life cuz i just hadnot learned

the tools necessary to do right. Oh, i knew "of them", but i didn't reall own them.

 

As you invite us into your internal conversation with yourself and allow us to look into your processing

of emotions, we are able to assist you and guide you. The back of my brain is screaming at me right now

to tell you that this is an area that i struggled in too...

 

okay. It's true that for us, men types, that we are not so elequent or comfortable in the art of self

analysis and introspection...but that is not the end of the line. In order to succeed here, we must

open up those compartmentalized areas of our heart and mind and discuss the contents here. There may be days

when your posts begin like this:

 

*****************THIS IS A VENT....NOT WHO I AM...JUST HOW I AM FEELING...PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION*******

 

If you have had the chance to into my thread you would have read a few of these....For the most part, we will

ignore your comments here...a few will read and analyze...but most importantly, you are venting HERE!!!!! and

not to your bride. Remember the formula:

 

#1. wife vents to you....you accept...you carry your her concerns to the Father....HE relieves you of the pressure.

#2. YOU VENT TO GOD, and HIm only....HE accepts your concerns....HE relieves you of those pressures...you are free to care for your bride and handle the challenges of life.

 

 

Its not really a "Formula" like in school, but i think of it as a Godly process that i rely on. If not, i am stuck holding

the bag and my immature self will want to either a- fix my wife's issue, or even worse b- shut her up so i don't have to

hear what i can't fix. Neither one of these are reasonable solutions and the very reason i am here seeking J&Ks help.

 

All that to say this...tell us more.

 

Your brother in Christ,

 

IHI

[Rebuilding Trust]

I keep trying to post, but I am at the hospital and my connection is bad and it keeps dropping. My God son Roger and his girl Jennifer are having a baby today. It was supposed to be here yesterday, they checked in at 7am yesterday and they induced her labor because she is already 9 days overdue but it has been slow until a few hours ago. As of right now, she is in the process of delivering what is supposed to be a beautiful baby girl whom they are calling Arianna. My God son has been in our lives since he was born. His mom and dad were both into drugs on and off and we were blessed to be able to have him in our lives a lot as he was growing up as if he was our own, we consider him our own. I was blessed to be able to take yesterday off and because things have dragged out, I was also able to take today off as well. My beautiful bride Shawn and I are so excited to be grandparents and can not wait to be a part of all of their lives.....

 

Will update more later, this has been a crazy busy week and I have not been able to be on any calls. Things are going great, just busy busy busy. More to follow.....

[truth]

Awesome! How exciting. Congratulations!

[TimothyPaul]

Blessings!!!!

 

meaning of Arianna is "most holy; silver"

 

Awesome - !

Edited August 10, 2011 by TimothyPaul

[InHisImage]

Congratulations!!!!

 

How exciting!! Great opportunity to serve and be a blessing!

[TimothyPaul]

Passive tendencies Edited August 12, 2011 by TimothyPaul

[Rebuilding Trust]

So baby Arianna was born at 8:04am on Wednesday, August 10th and weighed a wopping 9lbs 8oz.

 

 

 

[Rebuilding Trust]

HEy there PK...how are ya?

 

You've been through some good times here lately huh?...seems like it's cookin right along!!

 

A few posts back i had asked about your internal process...what's going on inside you...your inner man

being remade into the image and likeness of Christ. I am gonna be a bit of a squeeky wheel here cuz i

still would like to hear more from you,and i feel there is more to hear.

 

Let me explain...You are a good communicator...you are also in the first stages of this process and i

know it's easy to get on a roll and then "BLuoowww!" it hits...out of the blue. :Your internal

conflict resolution and processing needs to be directed and based upon God's Word, His process, and

his regimine...(don't think i spelled that right)...anyhow, there was a time when i realized that it

would not have been a good idea for my wife to invite me back into her life cuz i just hadnot learned

the tools necessary to do right. Oh, i knew "of them", but i didn't reall own them.

 

As you invite us into your internal conversation with yourself and allow us to look into your processing

of emotions, we are able to assist you and guide you. The back of my brain is screaming at me right now

to tell you that this is an area that i struggled in too...

 

okay. It's true that for us, men types, that we are not so elequent or comfortable in the art of self

analysis and introspection...but that is not the end of the line. In order to succeed here, we must

open up those compartmentalized areas of our heart and mind and discuss the contents here. There may be days

when your posts begin like this:

 

*****************THIS IS A VENT....NOT WHO I AM...JUST HOW I AM FEELING...PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION*******

 

If you have had the chance to into my thread you would have read a few of these....For the most part, we will

ignore your comments here...a few will read and analyze...but most importantly, you are venting HERE!!!!! and

not to your bride. Remember the formula:

 

 

 

 

Its not really a "Formula" like in school, but i think of it as a Godly process that i rely on. If not, i am stuck holding

the bag and my immature self will want to either a- fix my wife's issue, or even worse b- shut her up so i don't have to

hear what i can't fix. Neither one of these are reasonable solutions and the very reason i am here seeking J&Ks help.

 

All that to say this...tell us more.

 

Your brother in Christ,

 

IHI

 

 

I am finding it very hard to find the time to post any kind of lengthy posts. It can't be because I work 50+ hours a week at my full time job and then another 3 hours each night doing my paper routes or that I spend three nights a week at school or could it?

 

Actually, besides homework and church, I find myself spending every spare minute I have either listening in or participating in conference calls, watching the online lessons, reading, excercising, or spending time with my kids or my beautiful bride. There really is not much time for anything else these days. I have a DVR and have many shows recorded with intentions of watching them later, but rarely get to them.

 

I find it very ironic actually, when my wife was with me, I always found time for things other than her. Now, my only desire is to spend time blessing her, everything else is not important anymore. Seperation really puts things into perspective, a perspective that I hope will never loose again!

 

The funny thing is, I still get to do a lot. On Saturday last week, just my wife and I took at day trip to the coast. Tonight, we are either going to see a movie or go our dancing. Next week we have a family trip planned to go to Six Flags Marine World. Wow, what I was missing before spending time on selfish things, this is so much more fullfilling!

 

Until later, God Bless!

[InHisImage]

PK..thanks for sharing your heart!

 

It's wonderful to see that God has begun the process of opening your eyes, and opening your heart to your wife. I failed to ask God for this until it was too late for us, but you are starting to see, what was always there, but were missing! Praise God!!!!

 

 

I find it very ironic actually, when my wife was with me, I always found time for things other than her. Now, my only desire is to spend time blessing her, everything else is not important anymore. Seperation really puts things into perspective, a perspective that I hope will never loose again!

 

"Lord, give me your eyes...Lord, give me your eyes!!! To everything that i've been missin!"- Brandon Heath

 

The funny thing is, I still get to do a lot. On Saturday last week, just my wife and I took at day trip to the coast. Tonight, we are either going to see a movie or go our dancing. Next week we have a family trip planned to go to Six Flags Marine World. Wow, what I was missing before spending time on selfish things, this is so much more fullfilling!

That's an easy one...you were missing your calling as a husband! You were missing the blessing that comes when your wife is first in your life and you are laying your life down for her; unconditionally loving and accepting her, praying over her, providing for her, preparing the way for her...and then the blessings that come back to you that you'll never be able to count!! That's what you were missing!

 

Keep up the gentle spirit ...keep up your guard to the evil one's plans to cause chaos and havoc. satan won't enjoy seeing you celebrating a happy marriage and telling others, so prepare every morning for the warfare!

 

Strength and Honor!

 

InHisImage

[Rebuilding Trust]

I am really struggling with Jealously feelings but working through them with my Heavenly Father....

 

Just a little background first. As many of you already know, my wife allowed two of her "friends" to move in with her a while back as a temporary thing because due to circumstances they became homeless. Originally, this was just going to be a place for them to sleep on hot nights and a place to shower and clean up. That quickly turned in to seven nights a week and then eventually 24/7 full time. In the beginning, this devestated me, I just could not understand how she would allow this. I thought her and I were doing great as I was spending about 80% of my time over there with her and the kids. As I brought this up on calls and stuff, I realized that my wife was got scared, things were moving too fast and she pushed way back to get some control back. Some people have suggested that my wife might be having an affair with the gentleman side of this relationships. I am completely convinced that there is an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR there, that this couple is meeting a need in her to just relax and have fun without any pressures or worries. I am just as convinced I think (5% unsure) that there is no PHYSICAL AFFAIR going on. Honestly, I don't see how there could be unless my wife is just the master manipulator and that would just be scarry. My wife and I still make love 3-4 times a week and spend lots of time together and are very intimate and loving. It took me a lot of dying to myself, just making the decision to be there for her no matter what, to work through this situation. It continues to be hard, but has gotten easier over time. If you read my other posts, you will see that we are finding ways to still spend time together and work on our relationship and there are some great signs of progress and hope for reconcilitation one day. She just needs time to heal her heart to the point that she can trust me not to hurt her again and that is just going to take time.

 

So why am a fighting Jealousy. Well, until this morning, I was convinced that my son did not really care one way or the other if my wife and I got back together. Him and I have continued to have a good relationship and often go on walks together, go see a movie or whatever everytime we can. But he is actually liking this couple being there. The guy is only 25 and my son is 19 so they have gotten along well. In addition, I recently found out that my son is smoking marajuana which also is something that this couple does and something that my wife took up after they moved in there. In the last week, my son as chosen to spend time with them instead of me. One night last week, I pulled up to drop off my daughter and they were all standing outside and it just hit me really wrong, like I was being replaced. I haven't said anything to anyone, but the feelings are so real. These are in addition to the jealousy feelings I already have towards them and the time they take away from me with my wife. I have layed down these feelings to my Heavenly Father and have asked him to carry my burden for me.

 

In the previous paragraph, I said "Well, until this morning, I was convinced that my son did not really care one way or the other if my wife and I got back together." Well, what happened this morning was that I found out that my son cried yesterday when my wife told him that I found my own place and would be moving out of my mom's. There is a really long story there about living with my mom that I probably should expand upon that has been talked about extensively on the MENS CALLS but I will do that in a seperate post. I will also talk more about the conversation that my wife and I had this morning concerning me moving and our future, but on another post. So, my son broke down to my wife and was very upset. He took me moving anyhere, but back into the home, as a sign that her and I would not be getting back together. Although it kills me inside to see him upset and hurt, which are again due to my past actions, it also felt good to see that he really cared and was concerned. Even my wife was shocked and touched by his reaction. There has never been a question about my daughters desires, she is 12, but she too was upset that I was moving somewhere other than back home.

 

I don't like feeling this way and am trying to dye to negative thoughts. I know that I caused this situation to come to reality because of my past abuse as a husband that ultimately cause my beautiful bride to leave me. My heart aches for my family and my prayer is that GOD WILL RAISE ME UP to be the MAN HE CREATED ME TO BE so that I can heal my wife's heart, reconcile my marriage and my family. I continue to pray in faith that my wife and I are in love, that our marriage is restored and that we are all living together in the same house again without the couple being in the picture as Joel and Kathy have been preaching.

 

Again, I will elaborate on the mother/son issues and the living situation on another post....

 

 

[Looney_Tunes]

Hey PK,

 

Your feelings are perfectly normal. We tell guys not to focus on their feelings. We don't tell them not to have them. A man who is emotionally shut down is a nightmare to be married to, because if he has trouble understanding his own feelings, he'll have one heck of a time trying to understand his wife's. Ask me how I know.

 

You have done exactly the right thing, which is to take your feelings to God and to write them out here. The whole situation sucks, period. If you weren't feeling some jealousy there, I'd figure you were either lying or not human.

 

I am finding it very hard to find the time to post any kind of lengthy posts. It can't be because I work 50+ hours a week at my full time job and then another 3 hours each night doing my paper routes or that I spend three nights a week at school or could it?

 

Nah. C'mon, get your act together! Seriously, posting is important but it's not the whole package. We would much rather see you spend time with your wife and family than writing a two page post. Now if you were finding time to watch all those TV shows you've recorded but weren't posting much, we'd have a problem with that.

 

I apologize for the lack of attention to your thread - we helpers are spread pretty thin these days, and there are a few wheels that are squeaking pretty loudly just now. But please know that we haven't forgotten you, that we care and are praying for you, and that we are believing for a full restoration with your wife.

 

You are doing great - hang in there!

[Rebuilding Trust]

ok, so now about the living situation.

 

My wife and I moved in with my mother in early 2009 to bail her out financially. My father passed away in Oct 2008 and he did not have life insurance or any other financial means to leave for my mother. The plan was that we were going to live there in her mobile home and put a new roof on it, put in double pain windows and some other repairs and then buy her out. But what happened instead was that my wife and my mom did not get along. My wife became more and more distant from me and over time she started working more and more and being gone more and more. I knew there were some issues between them but did not know the extent I guess on how much it hurt my wife. I offered a few times for us to move, but little did I know, she was already checked out and making her own plan for her and the kids to move.

 

Although us living with my mother was the straw that broke the camels back, you'll see from reading my early posts in my thread that I was not a good husband, that I was very selfish and controlling. This just pushed her over the edge. By the time she told me she was moving and wanted a seperation for at least a year, at this point it was too late to change her mind, but at the same time was a major wake up call for me that ultimately brought me to this ministy. She moved out the last few days of Dec 2010. I found this ministry around May 2011.

 

I have known that I need to move out of my mom's place for some time. Financially I pay my mom's rent and some other expenses around the house which are about $1000 a month. It has been a struggle for me because if I walk away, I will leave her all by herself and struggling again financially. But what I have learned from this ministry is that as a husband, we all called to leave our parents and cling to our wives. My mom is a very negative person and brings me down daily with her negativity and hopelessness. She constantly wants to talk about my marriage and how it is not my fault, that my wife is lazy and selfish and controlling and whatever else. This has driven me to have to make a decision to leave. I have tried to help her find an affordable place to live, her sister which lives in Nevada has even offered her a room to live with her but she just will not make anything happen. I can not wait any longer as both my own sanity and the future of my marriage are in jeopardy for as long as I stay there. Both my mom and dad were alcoholics and my my is very codependant. Growing up with them was a nightmare that I might have to go into on another post but needless to say, I have some serious arrested development in many areas due to this. My wife came from a similar background as well. As the ministry says, we never marry up, we marry on our same level. I missed this opportunity to be a healing force for my bride, instead, I hurt and wounded her even more.

 

I stared looking several months ago and found a place that I really liked but then turned it down because I just couldn't walk away at that time. Then this month, based on strong recommendations from the Mens Calls, I started looking again and had a seeveral prospects that fell through. So I was really praying that God would open up a door for a place that I could afford if this was in his will for me. The next day, I came accross the piece of paper that I had written down the information on the first place I turned down. The landlord, which is an awesome christian lady that really liked me, told me that someone was currently living there but that she would keep my number in case it became available again, this was on Friday. On Sunday, I received a text from her that the place would be available on Sept 1st, wow God, you don't mess around, lol!

 

Earlier in the morning on Sunday, my wife and I were talking and the whole moving thing came up. She knew that I had been looking and that one of the places I really wanted fell through. The subject changed and then BOOM, I got the text. She saw my reaction and asked me what was up. I told her about the place being available and you could just tell that she was excited about it. This lead into a conversation about her not being ready for us to move back in together just yet and that this was a good thing for both of us for now. She shared with me that she just needs some more time to learn to trust me again and for her heart to fully heal. She was very happy that I was willing to break away from my mom and was very very suprised that I was actually going to go through with it. I texted back and forth and worked out all the details for moving in on the 1st.

 

I guess later that day, my wife mentioned to the kids about me gonna be moving. There reacation to her shocked her, my son which is 19, started crying. For the first time really, he opened up to her about the seperation and in no uncertain terms told her that he wants us to get back together, that he really sees me trying and felt like me moving out of my mom's was so final. She explained to him that we were working on getting back together but that it was going to take some time and that she was seeing my changes and taking notice. As I mentioned in my previous post, this was huge for me because I had not really been able to get him to open up to me about this subject even though our relationship is pretty solid.

 

Well, this morning, after my wife updated me on all of this, she asked me what I thought about us getting a four bedroom house in January when her lease was up. Have to mention here that she has been considering moving and splitting a place with THE COUPLE in January which even the thought of that was causing me lots and lots of stress. As my son thought me moving out of my moms was so final, her moving in with them into their own place seemed so final to me. Don't get me wrong, I would continue to court her and not give up on my beautiful gift from God, but that would be the nailing of the hands and feet to the cross for me, the ultimate dying of self.

 

So the four bedroom house would be so that each of the kids would have their own rooms and then we would each have our own rooms. She is thinking that this would allow her to let me back in, but also allow us to continue working on total restoration while still protecting herself. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but oviously for selfish reasons, I'm all for it. It would be a blessing to both of us financially and a blessing for the kids emotionally. It would also get the bad influence of THE COUPLE out of the picture or atleast out of the way a bit...

 

The funny thing about all of this is that today, except for living apart, our relationship is pretty darn good. As I have mentioned before, we manage to find the time to go out on weekly dates, we spend time together almost every day, and we hug and kiss and text and we typically make love 3-4 times a week. She is not involved in the ministry yet but is warming up to the idea I think. But she naturally is being a great help meet. She tells me when I am doing something or hurt her and she accepts my appologies. She acknowledges that I have changed and that I listen to her like never before. Even her mom has seen the changes in me and was asking her to have me give her the information about this ministry. She does not expect for me to be perfect and has given me more grace than I problably deserve.

 

Lord, my prayer is that by the time that this decision has to be made in Dec/Jan, that her heart will be healed and that seperate bedrooms will not even be needed anymore. Lord, thy will be done, not mine, in Jesus' name.....

 

[TimothyPaul]

Amen on your son -

 

I am glad I pushed you on moving out! I told you that was big...

 

Here is what I would do. Move out as you are planning. Be ready to walk away from any security deposit when you get the four bedroom house. Tell your wife, you are getting the place but you are going to walk away from it in January (or when she feels comfortable). While this is not financially sound, the money lost is nothing compared to restoring your marriage. If your wife brings up the financial part, just tell her the truth.

 

Getting the house so she feels safe and secure is very important - very important...

 

be back tomorrow..... TP

[Looney_Tunes]

What Tim said.

 

I would also be flat out honest with the woman who owns the place you are going to rent now. If she's a strong Christian lady, she should support you restoring your marriage. Let her know that there's a possibility you will only need this place until January, and tell her why. Tell her that you are prepared to forfeit your deposit. She may be willing to do a month-to-month lease or some other arrangement. Besides, it's only fair to let her know that she may have to line up other renters at the beginning of the year.

 

Oh, and congrats on that gorgeous baby. Give her a squeeze from me the next time you see her.

[Rebuilding Trust]

Amen on your son -

 

I am glad I pushed you on moving out! I told you that was big...

 

Here is what I would do. Move out as you are planning. Be ready to walk away from any security deposit when you get the four bedroom house. Tell your wife, you are getting the place but you are going to walk away from it in January (or when she feels comfortable). While this is not financially sound, the money lost is nothing compared to restoring your marriage. If your wife brings up the financial part, just tell her the truth.

 

Getting the house so she feels safe and secure is very important - very important...

 

be back tomorrow..... TP

 

 

The landlord already knows of my situation and yes, she is hoping for a reconciliation. In fact, her last two tenants have been seperated and ended up getting back together. She only requires a 15 day notice, which is unheard of, so quite the blessing in timing of getting this place....