Where do I go from here?

[InHisImage]

Grimstone,

 

brother...FAITH...God is with you. Grims, He knows what's coming, and he's prepared a way for you. The process of change is a miracle. You are in the process so don't stop. Hang tough!

 

 

 

I think she is done. Says she can't go to the intensive. Scanned through the books, said they made her mad. She is having a hard time with the changes in me.

....this is okay. God is incharge - not us! My wife read the page or two and tossed it...was very negative and refuses to come to an intensive. She hasn't acknowledge changes in me...just says that J&K have taught me good manners...

 

but Christlikeness is not manners...it's a life. It take time for someone to see your new life.

 

I am doing "the stuff!" I have changed or at least addressed every single issue we know bothered my wife. She just refuses to give me any kind of chance. I told her that I can't give up... but not so sure now. [/quote}.....Grims!!! This is it! You are gathering the tools! You address issues and learn new skills to live by. You address behaviors that need to be changed, but as men, we are process oriented. We have to learn and adapt and incorporate these processes into our heart. She is right in not believing that you haven't yet "changed"...you are changing.

 

 

 

2 years of non-stop frustration, rejection and pain have about got me. I have cried to the point of a nose bleed twice this week. I can accept that this is my fault. I admit that I abused her in multiple ways, including sexual. I admit failing to meet her needs. I openly confess giving myself over to the influences of porn since I was about 6 years old. At this point I would confess to making Al Capone dissapear if I thought it would change anything.

....this is about awareness and confession. We don't hang on to sin...we release it and receive forgiveness. But Grims, this isn't a game of convincing her of your sincerity...it's a life change. Jesus said to the woman at the well after He forgave her, "go, and sin no more". so, ready to go?

 

 

My faith is shaken. My spirit is crushed. My body is sorely fatigued from 2 years with almost no sleep. I feel that I have lived my Christian life like a plow mule following a carrot on a stick. Always promised reward for effort, rarely see it happen. Terrified that it is just over. I have bet the farm on this ministry, mainly since nobody else has had ANY impact on me. This intensive was the "hail mary" pass that would either win it or end it. If there isn't some real healing in her, soon, I will lose her for good.

Grimstone...there's good news and bad news...let's start with the bad. Unfortunately nearly everything you have written is true for you, BUT.... the good news is that as you mature and grow, you will not be shaken nor your spirit crushed. Brother...this is a spiritual battle for your right to continue on the journey of Christlikeness...when you are emotionally between 2-5 (i was about 2 when i found this ministry!! )...i just wanted my wife back!! She was my world and my world was imploding and it was no longer under my control...i freaked out!! I freaked b/c i lacked the maturity to handle the situation. As we mature into Christlikeness here's what is happening.....

our faith if firmly established on the ROCK of salvation...we don't allow our doubts to bring question to His faithfulness. Our spirit is no longer crushable...the Spirit of the Living God is in you Brother. Your mind, will, soul, emotions are the habitation of the Holy Spirit...you are who He says you are...you can do what He says you can do...you are filled and empowered to do more than Jesus did while He walked the earth...but first, we must endure the journey of development.

 

Grimstone, i have walked this out...many men here have journeyed beyond their own understanding into a place where God has transformed their lives, hearts, and minds. We will be here to help guide, correct, and redirect your efforts!

 

You are a mighty man of valor! Time to suit up and claim the promises!

 

Strength and Honor!

 

IHI

[Forrest Gump]

So, here's the latest. Last night started bad, for me anyway. She obviously feels safer. No problem "letting me have it" now. I kept my mouth shut, except for asking a few questions to make sure I heard her right. Even kept quiet during the agonizingly long pauses. (thanks for the heads up on that guys) The conversation involved "too little, too late" and the fact that she is already talking to lawyers. I guess she expected me to freak out. (I am actually really good at freaking out, been practicing... a lot) Well, I didn't. She calmed down and left me sitting there while she went out to her swing. I followed her out, after about 10 minutes with a glass of ice water. We ended up in a very calm discussion of our situation. I feel like our kids are the big issue she can't resolve. If it was just me, it would have been over long ago. (my kids save me again) Before we went in, she agreed to hold off on any decisions until after the intensive. The "hail mary" is still in play. So, mostly good news.

Here's my concern for tonight. If I understand right, women generally tend to change from inside out, men change from outside in. So, I may not SEE changes in her until they are established in her. But, she will SEE changes in me that are not established in me. So, doing the "stuff" is still a long way from being the "man." There are days when it just feels like a dog and pony show here. Like I am doing all this stuff and not even sure if I believe in me. But, if I understand right, putting myself into the routines and habits that are good for us, I will gradually become good for her. Am I getting close?

I learned, very young, how manipulation and "bent" truth can help control my situation. I was a con artist even as a kid. I knew how to mix in just enough truth to make my lies almost undetectable. And we all know that the curse of a liar is having to believe your own lies to make them seem real, then you never really know truth. Well, here I am. I am starting to question myself. Am I really going to be able to make the complete change? Am I really going to become the man she needs me to be? I want to be renewed and changed. I want to be the man of her dreams. But, I know myself too well. Conflict has set in. I have been a jerk for so long, starting to question the possiblity that I can ever be a "good" man. I see where I am and where I need to be. Are you guys telling me that if I keep pushing myself, and "killing" myself that I will eventually become "that guy?" In the video series, Joel explained the 3 year concept. It makes sense. Three years sounds like eternity, especially knowing the last 2 don't count. (dangit!)

But, if I know that in three years we will be solid, I can do that. That's better than finding a way to retire in three years.

Thanks again for all the time you guys have invested in me. I don't want to let my wife, or you guys, down.

Edited August 4, 2011 by Grimstone

[InHisImage]

Grims!!!!!!

You've hit the nail on the head!! Bulls-eye, hole-in-one!!!!

 

This is what we have been saying. You got it!!!!! I'll write more

Tomorrow, but u r on ur way! The process for us guys is

Re-wiring our heads...it takes 2-3 yes...and during that time u r living

Out the behaviors of a changed man via self-discipline and

Hard work!!!

 

More to follow....so much more!

 

God bless you!

 

Ihi

[firewalker]

I agree the difficulty in re-wiring takes the 2-3 years of Consistently working on the the dying to self.

But, this is your calling as a man of God for a lifetime. This is who you were designed to be by the Lord. Your calling, your design, your trajectory.

 

The men who have remained faithful in this calling, whether or not their marriages are restored are a testament that this is not a "dog and pony show" by any means. Those who are the con-artists, Giving in order to Get, fall by the wayside and remain unchanged. Selfish gain is not enough of a motivator for real spiritual transformational changes. God births the work of change, and we choose daily to participate or stay stuck.

 

It is the grueling, slow, crawl of death to self. And somewhere along the way, the joyous realization that your heart is expanding so much that the love you have for your wife and your children is so great that you just want to burst open from sheer volume of it.

 

BTW, your choices the other night were spot on. Listening. Waiting out the pauses. Giving space, but then pursuing with a cold, refreshing drink in hand. All of it was a picture of what you are doing right. She will know the Con vs the Real, make no worries about that. She is the litmus test for what is true about you. Don't underestimate a woman's intuition. I

 

But, whether or not she can agree to the exhausting role of help-meet, after enduring so many years of previous pain, that will remain the question. Each woman has to make that decision. But all you can do is keep your commitments and do what you are called to do.

 

Surrender the outcome to God. You can absolutely, 100% trust Him, that He loves you and He has got your Back, come hell or high water.

Edited August 5, 2011 by firewalker

[Rebuilding Trust]

So, here's the latest. Last night started bad, for me anyway. She obviously feels safer. No problem "letting me have it" now. I kept my mouth shut, except for asking a few questions to make sure I heard her right. Even kept quiet during the agonizingly long pauses. (thanks for the heads up on that guys) The conversation involved "too little, too late" and the fact that she is already talking to lawyers. I guess she expected me to freak out. (I am actually really good at freaking out, been practicing... a lot) Well, I didn't. She calmed down and left me sitting there while she went out to her swing. I followed her out, after about 10 minutes with a glass of ice water. We ended up in a very calm discussion of our situation. I feel like our kids are the big issue she can't resolve. If it was just me, it would have been over long ago. (my kids save me again) Before we went in, she agreed to hold off on any decisions until after the intensive. The "hail mary" is still in play. So, mostly good news.

Here's my concern for tonight. If I understand right, women generally tend to change from inside out, men change from outside in. So, I may not SEE changes in her until they are established in her. But, she will SEE changes in me that are not established in me. So, doing the "stuff" is still a long way from being the "man." There are days when it just feels like a dog and pony show here. Like I am doing all this stuff and not even sure if I believe in me. But, if I understand right, putting myself into the routines and habits that are good for us, I will gradually become good for her. Am I getting close?

I learned, very young, how manipulation and "bent" truth can help control my situation. I was a con artist even as a kid. I knew how to mix in just enough truth to make my lies almost undetectable. And we all know that the curse of a liar is having to believe your own lies to make them seem real, then you never really know truth. Well, here I am. I am starting to question myself. Am I really going to be able to make the complete change? Am I really going to become the man she needs me to be? I want to be renewed and changed. I want to be the man of her dreams. But, I know myself too well. Conflict has set in. I have been a jerk for so long, starting to question the possiblity that I can ever be a "good" man. I see where I am and where I need to be. Are you guys telling me that if I keep pushing myself, and "killing" myself that I will eventually become "that guy?" In the video series, Joel explained the 3 year concept. It makes sense. Three years sounds like eternity, especially knowing the last 2 don't count. (dangit!)

But, if I know that in three years we will be solid, I can do that. That's better than finding a way to retire in three years.

Thanks again for all the time you guys have invested in me. I don't want to let my wife, or you guys, down.

 

 

- way to control your thoughts, feelings and emotions and make it about her, this is what walking it out is all about, way to go......

[InHisImage]

So....Grimstone....you are tooling up for the climb. Gathering tools needed to make the journey of

a lifetime. We must choose our tools carefully; we must learn to use our tools expertly; we must come

to trust in the abilities in our tools, ourselves, and our Father. Welcome to the journey!

 

Here's my concern for tonight. If I understand right, women generally tend to change from inside out, men change from outside in. So, I may not SEE changes in her until they are established in her. But, she will SEE changes in me that are not established in me. So, doing the "stuff" is still a long way from being the "man." There are days when it just feels like a dog and pony show here. Like I am doing all this stuff and not even sure if I believe in me. But, if I understand right, putting myself into the routines and habits that are good for us, I will gradually become good for her. Am I getting close?

Well, you are getting warm! Your wife will see changes in you and you won't really see many in her. The changes she sees in you will be due to your efforts to lay your life down and humble yourself where b4

you never would have been so. THis will be a big difference...but (based upon what you wrote further down) can come across contrived and fake. Please listen...i have been in sales since i was 14...my dad was in sales...i am a sales professional and my bride has watched me sell for years...but the day she determined that i was always selling her the good, but not living the truth...well, that was a turning point that i may never recover from. I've since changed my profession completely...no selling! But the damage was done. She sees the changes but doesn't believe..

 

The stuff that you are doing is right...keep it up. But the stuff will not make you into the man; the stuff is what the

"man" would naturally do; so you are right! You are becoming ...you are maturing into the man of her dreams...you are

not there yet. AS you learn to lay down your life, humble yourself before God, He will begin to reshape you. He will

begin to remake your heart and mind, your will and emotions, your thoughts and dreams. AS He does this for you, you

will begin to do the 'stuff' without thinking of it. The 'stuff' will be the natural outpouring of your heart....it

will flow from you in an uncontrolled, unrestrained, unleashed manner that will draw your wife back...So yes, you're getting warm!

 

 

 

 

I learned, very young, how manipulation and "bent" truth can help control my situation. I was a con artist even as a kid. I knew how to mix in just enough truth to make my lies almost undetectable. And we all know that the curse of a liar is having to believe your own lies to make them seem real, then you never really know truth. Well, here I am. I am starting to question myself. Am I really going to be able to make the complete change? Am I really going to become the man she needs me to be?

okay....two answers here: I relish in the authenticity of your transparentcy....wow! I am encouraged by

your introspection and self-analysis...keep that up, it will suit you well. So, answer #1...Yes, if you do not quit, you will become the man she needs you to be by making a complete change! I wouldn't say it if i didn't believe it...you will

make it. God didn't make a goal to see you fail...stick with Him..stick with us...you will succeed in becoming a Christlike

man...guaranteed! It is not easy...it is not fun...it hurts...but its your immaturity and selfishness that is dying...

please remember that. The reason it hurts is because the parts that have no place in God's Holy temple are being

forcibly removed...that's it. Answer #2....put on the full armor of God. Introspection is very usefull,but after you

know the truth, own it. It is time to deflect the firey darts of the enemy. it is time to push back on the temptations

to doubt...it is time to cast down the thoughts that try to exhault themselves above God's will for your life and

directly attempt to combat the mission that God has set before you. Make no mistake brother...this is a spiritual

war for your life. satan is not happy that another man is going from defeated husband to spiritual special forces

training!

 

I often feel as if i over emphasize this too much, but as a man, you must be ready for the assault on your mind, your

eyes, and your heart. The battle is forming and your marriage is on the table...time to mount up...you will be

victorious!

 

 

 

I want to be renewed and changed. I want to be the man of her dreams. But, I know myself too well. Conflict has set in. I have been a jerk for so long, starting to question the possiblity that I can ever be a "good" man. I see where I am and where I need to be. Are you guys telling me that if I keep pushing myself, and "killing" myself that I will eventually become "that guy?" In the video series, Joel explained the 3 year concept. It makes sense. Three years sounds like eternity, especially knowing the last 2 don't count. (dangit!) But, if I know that in three years we will be solid, I can do that. That's better than finding a way to retire in three years. Thanks again for all the time you guys have invested in me. I don't want to let my wife, or you guys, down.

....Becoming a good man takes being a good man. And being a

good man can only occur as you follow God's will for your life and live your life according to His precepts and His

principles along His path. He will lead you along a road of Righteousness for you are His namesake. He will never

leave you or foresake you...He knows you can become "that guy"...so does satan. So, here we go! Three years...to

become a completely new man. God's son...a man after His heart....a man like King David...that is your destiny.

 

We are here to help you and guide you and stand shoulder to shoulder and batle on with you.

 

Strength and Honor,

 

InHisImage

 

 

 

[Forrest Gump]

So....Grimstone....you are tooling up for the climb. Gathering tools needed to make the journey of

a lifetime. We must choose our tools carefully; we must learn to use our tools expertly; we must come

to trust in the abilities in our tools, ourselves, and our Father. Welcome to the journey!

 

Well, you are getting warm! Your wife will see changes in you and you won't really see many in her. The changes she sees in you will be due to your efforts to lay your life down and humble yourself where b4

you never would have been so. THis will be a big difference...but (based upon what you wrote further down) can come across contrived and fake. Please listen...i have been in sales since i was 14...my dad was in sales...i am a sales professional and my bride has watched me sell for years...but the day she determined that i was always selling her the good, but not living the truth...well, that was a turning point that i may never recover from. I've since changed my profession completely...no selling! But the damage was done. She sees the changes but doesn't believe..

 

The stuff that you are doing is right...keep it up. But the stuff will not make you into the man; the stuff is what the

"man" would naturally do; so you are right! You are becoming ...you are maturing into the man of her dreams...you are

not there yet. AS you learn to lay down your life, humble yourself before God, He will begin to reshape you. He will

begin to remake your heart and mind, your will and emotions, your thoughts and dreams. AS He does this for you, you

will begin to do the 'stuff' without thinking of it. The 'stuff' will be the natural outpouring of your heart....it

will flow from you in an uncontrolled, unrestrained, unleashed manner that will draw your wife back...So yes, you're getting warm!

 

 

 

 

okay....two answers here: I relish in the authenticity of your transparentcy....wow! I am encouraged by

your introspection and self-analysis...keep that up, it will suit you well. So, answer #1...Yes, if you do not quit, you will become the man she needs you to be by making a complete change! I wouldn't say it if i didn't believe it...you will

make it. God didn't make a goal to see you fail...stick with Him..stick with us...you will succeed in becoming a Christlike

man...guaranteed! It is not easy...it is not fun...it hurts...but its your immaturity and selfishness that is dying...

please remember that. The reason it hurts is because the parts that have no place in God's Holy temple are being

forcibly removed...that's it. Answer #2....put on the full armor of God. Introspection is very usefull,but after you

know the truth, own it. It is time to deflect the firey darts of the enemy. it is time to push back on the temptations

to doubt...it is time to cast down the thoughts that try to exhault themselves above God's will for your life and

directly attempt to combat the mission that God has set before you. Make no mistake brother...this is a spiritual

war for your life. satan is not happy that another man is going from defeated husband to spiritual special forces

training!

 

I often feel as if i over emphasize this too much, but as a man, you must be ready for the assault on your mind, your

eyes, and your heart. The battle is forming and your marriage is on the table...time to mount up...you will be

victorious!

 

 

 

....Becoming a good man takes being a good man. And being a

good man can only occur as you follow God's will for your life and live your life according to His precepts and His

principles along His path. He will lead you along a road of Righteousness for you are His namesake. He will never

leave you or foresake you...He knows you can become "that guy"...so does satan. So, here we go! Three years...to

become a completely new man. God's son...a man after His heart....a man like King David...that is your destiny.

 

We are here to help you and guide you and stand shoulder to shoulder and batle on with you.

 

Strength and Honor,

 

InHisImage

 

 

 

 

Not sure King David is the best role model for my situation.

[Forrest Gump]

I am humbled by these responses. Kinda hard to feel alone when there are this many people praying and coaching me. We have had a few good days this week. Seem to be talking more. She is less defensive. I am giving her a lot more space. We are still struggling financially. I was out of work for 10 months, lived off odd jobs and her check. Still trying to get caught up. (I have been working steady since the end of march) She told me about the pressure at work. She doesn't mind working, but hates it when she feels like the provider, or HAS to work. She told me that what she wants hasn't changed; to be the mom at home, raising kids, PTA meetings, cooking and cleaning. That was her dream when we first married, a nice house and to be home with her kids. We had that most of our marriage. The last 5 years she has worked at the same job. She is burnt out. My business plans have been crap the last 10 years. Lots of bad advice, empty promises, detours and absolute lies. I had all these big plans to build a business we could run as a family, never worked out. Feeling REALLY stupid realizing that my plans were working against HER plans. She just wanted to have a stable family, nice house and a steady check hitting the bank every week. So, I gave up my business and went back to work. Got a stable job with a reasonable check. Not enough to cover our bills and bring her home... her words, not mine. Need some direction on getting to that place where I can be the provider again. I have a good job, but it leaves us short. Kinda hard to get too upset about money when I hear her talking about wanting to be home again. Weird finding encouragement inside frustration. Anyway... that's my ramble for today. Thanks for listening to my nonsense.

[Chrysallis]

Grimstone

Have you checked out Crown Ministries about budgeting? they have some tools and financial advice from a Christian perspective that might be helpful.

[InHisImage]

Hey Grims....

 

two things brother...you're going through the valley right now huh?

Weird finding encouragement inside frustration. Anyway... that's my ramble for today. Thanks for listening to my nonsense.

 

Be encouraged! This is where the battle is....this is where the fire gets built or doused...this is where men are selected for battle, or side-lined for duties. Here's my point: as a man, you have two choices to make when frustrated, 1)drink, porn, drug, or otherwise ignore your inability to respond to the frustration and improve your situation or 2) carry your desires to our Heavenly Father and ask for help. Humble yourself before God almighty and ask Him for the wisdom to improve your situation...set before Him your wife's desires and your desire to fulfill her dreams and wishes. Ask Him for the knowledge you need, ask for the Wisdom to get wealth!

 

The frustration you feel my brother is fuel for change. In the past, i would have felt that frustration and the overwhelming anger and helplessness of my selfpity...coulpled with the inescapable demand from my wife and then i would feel like it didn't have what it took to be the man she needed...so i went for my neuro-chemical, porn induced drug...i'd get my little 'high' feel better for about 10 seconds, then feel even more selfpity and apathy to change our lives,but not any more!!!!!

 

I have learned that as a man, your wife is your greatest ally. She is your champion for what your family needs...she's the vision, you are the provision! So, get on your knees...take your concerns to God. AFter all, it's His daughter's dreams and desires that you are trying to satisfy; the Word asks a great question of us .(paraphrased)...".Would a father give his son as snake when he asked for bread? (no!!)...then how much more is your Father in Heaven going to give to you when you ask..."

 

If you humble yourself before the Lord God Almighty, He will be your provider and your source.

 

I look forward to hearing your stories!

 

Strength and Honor!

 

IHI

[JoelandKathy]

Just letting you know I stopped by. You are getting good input.

[JoelandKathy]

Hey Grimstone.

 

Call me about the money issue.

 

Blessings,

 

Joel

386-206-3128

[musicteacher]

Grimstone

Have you checked out Crown Ministries about budgeting? they have some tools and financial advice from a Christian perspective that might be helpful.

 

Hi Grimstone,

 

I don't know what Joel will suggest concerning finances. Chrysallis's suggestion about Crown Financial Ministries is a good one if you are looking to get organized financially.

 

http://www.crown.org/

 

Also, Dave Ramsey is a good resource. He really emphasizes getting completely out of debt. His books may be available at your public library. He has a radio show that I find really encouraging, too.

 

http://www.daveramsey.com/home/

 

Wishing you the best! Hang in there. You can do this. We're all here rooting for you!

[InHisImage]

Good morning Grims,

 

Chrys & Music Teacher are providing you with "TOOLS"...the functional components and teachings that you need to grow, mature, and excel as an increasingly Christlike Husband. Still collecting tools and learning how to master them...that's a great place to be brother!!

 

Crown Financial Ministries is a good one if you are looking to get organized financially.

 

http://www.crown.org/

 

Also, Dave Ramsey is a good resource. He really emphasizes getting completely out of debt. His books may be available at your public library. He has a radio show that I find really encouraging, too.

 

http://www.daveramsey.com/home/

 

Wishing you the best! Hang in there. You can do this. We're all here rooting for you!

 

Great input from our sisters!

 

In His Strength and for His Honor!

 

IHI

[Forrest Gump]

Figured I should stop in and make some noise. Been a few days.

We are now DAYS away from the intensive. The fact that we are going to be near a beach, with free time, and she gets to take paid time off work is all helping me out here. As of right now, she seems to be calm and settled with this trip. Our relationship has been calm and pleasant over the last week. No big changes or improvements, but nothing dramatically negative either. I can't say enough about the help and encouragement I have had since this started. First off, Joel "read my mail" the first time we talked. He just hit me in the face and told me what I did wrong before I even told him. Then you guys all jumped in and beat me up while showing me how to grow up. My dad and step-mother have been impressed enough to jump in and sponsor our trip. They went from, just covering the intensive, to now, covering our expenses for the trip. Even though I just started a new job 4 month ago, my supervisor is concerned enough to give me the time off. My wife had just enough vacation time left to cover this. All kinds of things are coming together in ways I couldn't have planned. I am humbled again to see God still concerned about me and my family. I feel like Max Lucado when he was asked about trusting God. He said "when I was 19, I knew everything God was going to do, but didn't really trust Him. Now, I have absolutely no idea what God is up to, but I trust Him absolutely." I feel like this is my last stand for my marriage. I don't really think she will want to stay with me if something dramatic doesn't change with us next week. But, I am going to keep on pursuing her and God. I am going to keep growing and changing where I need to. And, honestly... I am at peace with whatever happens. I do not want to lose my wife or family, but if that is the way God wants this to play out, so be it. I have to believe that everything handed to me has passed through His hands. Keep praying. We still have a long way to go. I have a long way to go to be "the man" she needs.

[JoelandKathy]

Ah...

 

I did not realize who you were until now.

 

In truth, Dave Ramsey and Crown are great for a couple with a great marriage - but would be very dificult for a couple to live by if they are struggling.. UNLESS your wife is the driving force behind it and really wants to live that way.

[Forrest Gump]

Ah...

 

I did not realize who you were until now.

 

In truth, Dave Ramsey and Crown are great for a couple with a great marriage - but would be very dificult for a couple to live by if they are struggling.. UNLESS your wife is the driving force behind it and really wants to live that way.

 

 

Yep, it's me.The problems with people like us budgeting is really 2 things. 1 - my income for the last 12 years has been highly inconsistent. even when it was good, it was never enough. usually flowed in 3 month cycles. 2 - we have not been communicating or really working together for at least 9 years. Even now, really hard to make any kind of plans. Honestly, the closer we get to the intensive, the more concerned I feel. I have high expectations for healing and growth, but I had that with the last 20 boks I read and the last few counsellors I met with. I believe this is going to be good, but it has to be "life changing." She will not read the books or watch the videos, they just upset her because all our previous attempts failed. She hasn't backed out yet, but is obviously stressed about it. She has an amazing spirit and is the only person I have ever me who I want next to me in good times and bad. There have just been too many bad times, most of them were my fault. She needs a dramatic change in our relationship, she needs healing from the past, she needs to know that things will be better. I have reduced myself to an option and not a priority to her. I have to be the best option. Thanks for all ther help so far. There has been real change and she sees it. Wish I had learned this stuff 20 years ago.

[Forrest Gump]

So it's now almost midnight on the 23rd of August. We leave for the intensive in about 9 hours. She has not changed her mind, all systems are go. Seems like everything in hell has worked me over the last 6 weeks and especially the last 24 hours. Guys, I am scared. Wish I could lie about it and play the tough guy, but I can't. We will be coming home to plan a divorce if real healing doesn't happen over the next 5 days. Joel told me if one of us is 100% and the other is at least 10% up for saving the marriage, we are good. Well, we are not 100/10 anymore. More like 75/25. Hope that is still good. Pray for us. I love her.

[JoelandKathy]

I hope you meant 100/25 !

 

There are two couples coming this week in this situation. the other wife has an appointment with her attorney for divorce on Monday. Another couple is already divorced. The fourth couple.. we are confident the wife is in an affair.. PRAY EVERYONE!!! BIG MIRACLES COMING UP! BE PART OF IT!

[Forrest Gump]

I hope you meant 100/25 !

 

There are two couples coming this week in this situation. the other wife has an appointment with her attorney for divorce on Monday. Another couple is already divorced. The fourth couple.. we are confident the wife is in an affair.. PRAY EVERYONE!!! BIG MIRACLES COMING UP! BE PART OF IT!

 

I wish I meant 100/25. I am at the breaking point over this. Really concerned that I am just plain bad for her. I love her enough to let her go if being with me is hurting her. We are better friends now than we have been in 10 years. She just can't seem to get past how I remind her of the abusive past, both with me and before me. She initiated a hug tonight. One of the few initiated contacts over the last 3 months. I am encouraged and mostly positive. Need a miracle this week.

[InHisImage]

I wish I meant 100/25. I am at the breaking point over this. Really concerned that I am just plain bad for her. I love her enough to let her go if being with me is hurting her. We are better friends now than we have been in 10 years. She just can't seem to get past how I remind her of the abusive past, both with me and before me. She initiated a hug tonight. One of the few initiated contacts over the last 3 months. I am encouraged and mostly positive. Need a miracle this week.

Hey Brother...

 

so, immediate gratification got ya? i am so totally excited for you...you are at a most favored place

 

this is where the change begins to occur...this is when the transformation must occur to give birth to a new

future. Grim...she isn't past your past and she won't be for a while....because if she was, she would quickly

realize that you are not where you need to be to provide her the certainty...the surity...the security that you

have made not only a change in direction, but you've become a new man.

 

Friend...this takes time!!! Please accept this; this is a process...the miracle is you changing and her staying

within arms reach of you while you transform before her eyes. There is no quick fix...there is no prayer cloth

remedy, but...

there's hard word,

there's self-sacrifice,

there's agony,

there's character to build,

there's steel to forge,

there's humility to develop,

there's a life to reform,

there's a love to rebirth,

there's a mindset to build,

there's maturity to attain,

there's a mission to accomplish,

there's a battle to fight,

there's a war to be won,

there's a life that must die,

there's a man that must be reborn,

there's a legacy to begin.....

 

Be excited for this time...revel in the harshness of this period:

God is here to sturdy your weak and failing legs,

He is there to steady your shaky arms,

He is there to quiet your trembling heart,

He is there, and...

He won't let you fail!

 

Get in the Word everyday...Get it in your heart!

 

God's strength....your effort....for His honor!!

 

IHI

[TimothyPaul]

Need a miracle this week.

 

Grim... You are the miracle. God has brought you to a place of knowledge and understanding. His miracle for you is His miracle in you.

 

Think of all the men in this world that never come to place of understanding you have been brought to. Think of all the hurting couples, some who don't even know how much they are hurting, that do not know that a true happy marriage is a Christ centered marriage. The work God is doing in your heart is so wonderful. Embrace it!

 

I know this is hard, all of us have been where you are at, but please realize God will not accept your 75%. It just doesn't cut it for Him. He asks us for 100%, not even 99.9999999% will do.

 

You are called to die. Dying to the flesh is very hard, it is so much more difficult then dying physically. Dying physically is quick and easy. Dying to the flesh goes on and on.... - sometimes it feels like it will never end. But each passage of dying, brings new joys of peace and love. New understanding of God's love for us.

 

For this moment, dying for you means digging deep into your heart and finding that missing 25%. Stepping up beyond what you think you are capable of and coming out of that valley of death to the Light that awaits you. The funny thing is, God knows you have this in you. He hasn't brought you this far thinking you have the potential to fail, only you can do that by giving up.

 

Grim, I have been where you are at. But it is only through the Grace of God that I can rise to the next step. Remember, when you pray to God for courage, He does not come down and give you courage. He gives the opportunity to be courageous.

 

Seize the opportunity.... God is laying it out right in front of you... take the step.

 

 

In His service....TimothyPaul

[Looney_Tunes]

Really concerned that I am just plain bad for her. I love her enough to let her go if being with me is hurting her.

 

That's pure bull .

 

Do you wanna know what that says to a wife? That says you don't have the testicular fortitude to fight for her. It says you're gonna just go to your corner and suck your thumb instead of deciding that you will do whatever it takes to win her back. It says you'd rather give up then stand up. It says you really don't love her as much as you say you do. You're just wrapping it up in a package that looks all nice and self-sacrificing, when in truth it's just about the most selfish thing you can do.

 

So get in the game 100%, get to the intensive, and get your OHM.

[musicteacher]

I wish I meant 100/25. I am at the breaking point over this. Really concerned that I am just plain bad for her. I love her enough to let her go if being with me is hurting her. We are better friends now than we have been in 10 years. She just can't seem to get past how I remind her of the abusive past, both with me and before me. She initiated a hug tonight. One of the few initiated contacts over the last 3 months. I am encouraged and mostly positive. Need a miracle this week.

 

Hi, Grimstone ~ That hug your wife initiated indicates a LOT! If she hugged YOU, it indicates that she has HOPE. If you let her down, she will lose all that hope. She is expecting you to be 100% committed to this process and if you let her down at this point, she will fall very hard. Expect a severe negative response if that happens. (You don't want that, do you? ) This is not to scare you but to make the point that she EXPECTS you to succeed. She wants you to succeed. Show her that you are willing to put the effort in. She doesn't expect perfection, she just expects effort. If you goof, get up and fix it and then move on. Everyone goofs. The key is to make amends right away and do better next time.

 

Saying that you "may be bad for her" is just a "poor me" self-absorbed, self-focused attitude. She does not want that from you. Focus on your bride and wipe that thought from your head. You are only bad for her if you are not putting the effort in and loving your wife the way you should. The thing is, if you don't complete this process and heal your wife, your wife will always be damaged by the past. So, what would be the benefit of stopping and ending your marriage??

 

The bottom line is that it sounds like your wife has confidence in you! Let that be your motivation. Have a great time and put every effort you can into this intensive. And most importantly, continue your efforts at home!!!

Edited August 24, 2011 by musicteacher

[JoelandKathy]

Grimstone is coming up with a new name!

 

He learned that he can let go of worrying about things and carrying a load on his mind.. and he can SMILE!!!!

 

What a great wife the Mrs. is...

 

We are very excited to see (formerly Grimstone) keep smiling... and winning his wife's heart over!