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God Save My Marriage

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So, I am going to submit myself to God for my self.. Focus on that.. And if God chooses to tap my wife on her shoulder.. I'll know... If He doesn't ... Then at least I'm close enough to Him that bearing my own cross won't be impossible..




That's really all you can do, Charles . . . but it's also the best thing you can do. I honestly think that if the time comes for you to back off from your wife and pursue other relationships, it won't be a decision on your part. It will just happen naturally - she'll start calling a little less often, you'll get involved in other things, and you'll just drift apart. I could be wrong, but that's how I see this playing out IF her heart doesn't turn back to you first. So just keep doing what you're doing, sticking close to God and being there for her. Life will eventually sort itself out. :)

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IHI here...i'm in Seattle. If you're ever up the coast line shoot me a note and we'll have dinner. I have been so blessed by your heart, your journey, and your maturity. ...and btw, i've had my own issues with "free will"...LOL! But one thing is true, God has always been there for me, and He will always be there for you too!


I love you brother,



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Charles ,

When I read this I though of you it is kind of long but worth reading I think.


Giving God Control and You Letting Go by Denise (Nair) Wedel

Imagine an animal with a rope around its neck, struggling for its life in the water. The rope slowly begins to wrap around him, eventually causing this poor animal to drown.

So it is with us when we insist on “saving ourselves”.

Now, we claim to have faith….but do you ever find yourself hearing God say, “Let GO!”

In the movie Finding Nemo, Nemo’s father, Marlin, is quoted as saying to his friend Dory, “How do you know that nothing bad won’t happen?” Dory then replies, “I don’t.”

She gives us an example of true faith.

This summer, I read several books which have encouraged me to reflect on 2 principles God is showing me.

  • Calvary Road by Roy Hession: The author speaks on how each time we are completely broken, and at that time our cup (or our life) is empty (or pure). Only then, each time that happens, as God looks into our cup and sees that it is clean, will He fill it to overflowing. But…we must be broken…totally giving up and allowing God to be in complete control of EVERYTHING.
  • Rebel With A Cause by Franklin Graham: I was encouraged by a principle that the founder of Samaritan’s Purse, Bob Pierce taught him. It was called God Room. Time after time he gives examples of impossible situations having supernatural answers to their problems. The situation started with a need. Then they realize there will be no way they could meet that need in their current situation. Bob would tell Franklin to step aside and use what he called “God Room”. Supernatural things began to happen. If they would have said no, we can’t do it. Or even yes, we will do this…but do it their way…they would have “wrapped themselves with the rope and drowned”…ending with results that looked completely different.

I have also been reflecting on examples I have been reading in the Bible. Time and time again God uses things I would never have used to accomplish His purpose. For example:

  • Moses. He was a prince in Egypt. He was destined to an easy, power-filled life. Then, he committed a murder which forces him to have to leave this life. Murder is a sin. But God used it to bring him humbly to a place where He needed him to be in order to rescue the Israelites.
  • Joseph. He was a favored son. He is sold by his jealous brothers into slavery. In this example, his brothers are the ones who have sinned. God used this to put Joseph right where He wanted him to be…in order to again, save His people.
  • Elizabeth. In her mind, she was too old to bare a son. But if, with her human thinking (lacking faith) she told God that she was too old, then she would not have become pregnant with John the Baptist…she too had to let go and give up all of her preconceived notions.
  • Mary. She was not married. If things were up to mankind, we would not have allowed this to be the way to bring the Messiah into the world. Everyone knows that being pregnant before marriage is a sin. Still, knowing the details, it was acceptable.

There are many, many more examples in the Bible of God using situations that we would never think of. Situations that require us to let go and have faith so God can do what God needs to do.

This is something I have really struggled with this past year. That God is in complete control of all things, yet mankind has free-will and He won’t control us to love Him and to obey Him. So, He allows us (and those we love) to do as they will and to reap what they sow.

Yet, again, He is in complete control. He uses ALL things to bring glory to Him. But He doesn’t use sin…does He?! Ah…the struggles that have been going in my heart!

I mentioned the movie Finding Nemo earlier. I was listening to it while I was babysitting, driving in the car. I heard Marlin say to Dory, “How do you know that nothing bad won’t happen?” I thought about that. This is exactly where my struggle lies.

I am that animal all bound up in the ropes called my thoughts and fears. I hear God saying, you say that you have faith, but you just won’t let go. Let GO and let Me take care of this. Bad things ARE going to happen. This does not mean that something good in the end won’t happen.

Proverbs 3:5-7 (The Message) says:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

After reflecting on this…I can see that God does even use sin to accomplish His will. That seems to be when we are at our lowest and find comfort at His feet. And, seeing in Calvary Road, this is where we should be in order for Him to fill up our cups anyhow.

He is our Provider, He is All-knowing, He is All-powerful, He has a plan. And…He truly can be trusted fully.


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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...


I spent the day reading your entire thread. Very encouraging and sad at the same time. I think we went through the same journey, i just never posted about it, but there were many parallels. No adultery on either of our parts and there still has not been. Unfortunately, our son is only 3. I have a very long time to have to interact.

With our son being diagnosed with mild autism, there may have to be even more interaction. Honestly, everytime we have to exchange our son, my wounds are reopened, like the scab being picked.

She leaves the same type hostile messages when i dont answer, even resorts to emails and blames me for having to communicate that way. Apologizes for my feelings. I dont understand that, because we havent shared our feelings in a while. The last time was a few months ago, she told me how miserable she was and how sad she was and that the meds arent working.

I help when i can, but not to the point of becoming used. She resorts then to asking her parents to help with our son, instead of asking me, which is hurtful in my opinion.

I think our walk and journey have been pleasing to Him, and will continue to be.

Thank you for sharing and remaining steadfast.


Blessings and Love to you.....

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Go to God and ask HIM what is HIS plan for you. Every man who I have spoken with in the last 5 years that has been released from pursuit had a very clear audible answer from God. There will be a peace in you when and if this happens for you. It is definitive and without question.


I, personally, continued for another year after HE told me HE trusted me in this decision. I don't think we can make this decision on our own. We have to trust in the Father even when everything in us is telling us to turn and run. But what I have found out is, it was the turning and running away from HIM to start with that got us in the messes we are now in.


Have faith brother. If HE is asking you to hold on a little while longer, you can bank on the fact HE has something trully extrarodinary waiting for you.

I am living proof of this promise.


God Bless


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