Aslan's Child and Large One 50 update

[JoelandKathy]

John is Large One 50 and Susan is "Aslan's Child" Here is their most recent marriage update posted on 10/6/11

 

 

Posted Yesterday, 02:34 PM

All right we are rolling!!! John and Susan have entered the building. It's hard to believe all the changes that have happened in the last 3 years. When Susan first came to the ministry she just wanted to get me to stop yelling at her. Boy did her wish come true. Now there is no more yelling. No more arguing. No more fighting. Now we have just beautiful, wonderful, peace. Not only that, I don't put my wife down for how she feels or what she thinks. I accept her for the wonderful gift from God that she is. I use to tell Susan that we were a team. Back then Susan would do most things by herself. Now we are really doing things as a team together.

 

As a result when I ask Susan what the biggest change is since we started working in the ministry the answer is peace. There is no more tension in the house. Things are much more calmer. Plus my favorite (which use to be my least favorite) no more walking on egg shells. As a result we are able to communicate much much better. Susan is able to share her heart with me and now I am able to actually hear her words. I am able to meet her needs and NOT demand her to meet mine. She now has the freedom to express her feelings and search her heart for past wounds that either I or someone in her past has caused her. As a result it has brought much needed emotional healing that has brought us closer by being able to share it and go through it together.

 

It is one thing to stop hurting your wife. It is another to heal the wounds of the past. We as husbands need to be able to allow or wives to feel and share and express everything in their hearts (especially the bad and hurtful feelings). That means when a wife has something we don't like or want to hear that we go there with her and meet her where she is at and get her though it. We rescue her like a fireman saving someone who is on fire... stop, drop and roll. Now it's look, listen and feel. We need to look into our wives eyes. Listen to what they are sharing. Then be able to feel their pain and do what is needed to stop the pain.

 

As a result of this, Susan is getting better at sharing her heart. Although she is still reluctant at times to share her feelings because of past wounds now when she does, I respond appropriately and it brings us even closer. In the past I use to get upset when Susan would share something that I didn't like or want to hear. Now I am able to look at how she is feeling instead of just looking at what I want or getting upset because I heard something that I did not like or agree with. Now I am able and willing to put her needs ahead of mine. Now I am dying to myself.

 

Three years ago I would have never been able to write these things. Three years ago I would have never admitted that I was the cause of our bad marriage. Three years ago I would never admit that I was hurting my wife. Three years ago I would just constantly blame my wife for our problems and tell everyone here to fix my wife.

 

Wow it is amazing how much our marriage and I have improved in three years. I hardly recognize my old self. When Susan says things like the old you would have done such and such. Now I say he (I) was a stupid stupid man. I said way back in the beginning that a leopard can't change its spots. I got some great advice from Heather who said "We're not leopards, we are children of God... So yes, we can change if we truly want to change". As a result of listening to Joel and Kathy and the other moderators who have spent so much time pouring their love into our marriage Susan says that she is more in love with me now then when we were married. This is also the same person who three years ago said that she did NOT love me anymore. It is amazing how God has worked in our marriage. I asked God to come into my heart and show me the way he wanted me to treat my wife. Then I changed. I had a passion to want to fix my marriage and make up for all the years I have hurt my wife. I went first. I changed. I laid my life down so Susan could enjoy hers once again.

 

Now three years later we are much happier. We laugh more. We do things together. We do thing for each other. Things are so much more calmer around the house. The stress and tension is gone. It is so true... happy wife happy life.

 

If you would like to find out more about our story or ask us questions you can talk to Susan and I every Thursday at 8:00 pm. central call the conference call. That number is 512-716-6531. The password is 981128#. We look forward to hearing from you.

 

John and Susan have left the building.

 

To read this on John and Susan's thread, go to: http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/604-so-many-wonderful-changes-and-stilll-growing/page__st__440__gopid__127871entry127871