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Thank you for the clarification.

 

We are trying to establish IF it is still your responsibility to pursue your ex wife as she is no longer married.

 

I completely understand that when she did get remarried that she was off limits to you.

 

I did misunderstand the earlier timeline you gave regarding when you started to "date" the other woman.

 

Where June and I are coming from, is that this woman has always been your wife in God's eyes. You have children together as well. God's will would be to restore your original marriage for your children's sake and your own.

 

It appears to me from your history and your own admittance that you did not purposefully pursue her heart so that we do not know now if you really could have been successful.

 

The distinction we are trying to make is that she is the wife of your youth, the wife of your Covenant. This in our opinion, would be the Biblical mandate to truly put your whole heart into winning "this wife" back.

 

Kimberly

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I did give her the apology letter years ago. I printed it out and left it for her to read, alone. At the time she did not want to be in my presence for more than a few min. Whether the letter was ever read, I have no idea. Considering the fact that I've been asked that question twice already, maybe I should at least give her the apology again.

 

For the first year and a half 90% of our interactions were exchanging the boys. Any other interaction was when she needed something from me. There wasn't any real sharing. If The Lord showed me anything that I hadn't mentioned in the letter, I'd text her an apology.

 

The pattern has been this...I'm allowed into her life only when there is a need. Once the need has been met, I'm no longer welcome and it's off to someone else's arms. That pattern has yet to diffuse and I've been clueless as to what I need to do to break it. To be honest, this has been a major factor in my decision to no longer pursue her anymore. It's like I'm trusted with all things except one aspect of her heart. Maybe it was the response to my refusal to be vulnerable with her. I dunno. I held the belief that if I were vulnerable with her, which is something I have no idea how to do, she would hurt my heart.

 

As far as the scripture is concerned...I can't argue against it being presented that way. I hate even saying this but I will search this out in The Word and seek Him for what direction I shoud go. This isn't a cop out but I will honestly seek Him. If He says go back, I will go back and pursue. Right now, I have no desire to be with her anymore. She's a beautiful woman, she's very smart, she has a great personality and is a wonderful mother to my kids. I want her to have a wonderful and happy life. I don't know if I would want her for my wife anymore.

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The worship pastor at my church is definitely one of those men who "got it" and it shows in all aspects of his life, especially his family. I've had the opportunity to spend time with them outside of church and to see how he relates to her and how she and the children respond to him. You know just by seeing how the entire family relates to one another that he loves them all well and he paid a serious price for this life.

 

His lovely wife is a gifted photographer, her pictures are much like prophetic words and she has this uncanny ability to see an capture the "God moments" in life and "God's Truth" of who people are in her pictures. The link is a recent post from her blog and thought it would possibly bless others here.

 

http://www.maryannemorganblog.com/365-project-2011/project-365-day-171-responding/

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I did give her the apology letter years ago. I printed it out and left it for her to read, alone. At the time she did not want to be in my presence for more than a few min. Whether the letter was ever read, I have no idea. Considering the fact that I've been asked that question twice already, maybe I should at least give her the apology again.

 

For the first year and a half 90% of our interactions were exchanging the boys. Any other interaction was when she needed something from me. There wasn't any real sharing. If The Lord showed me anything that I hadn't mentioned in the letter, I'd text her an apology.

 

how very impersonal re: something as important as a sincere apology to try and bring healing to her

 

or did you just do it as:

*gave apology to wife -- check

*sent another apology to wife -- check

 

Even if she goes on to another horrible marriage, she still needs a sincere and thorough apology from you.

 

just a thought,

June of

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Hi June,

In the beginning of all of this, when I would make an attempt to apologize she would quickly tell me that she wanted no more apologies from me and wasn't giving me any space to speak to hear except to discuss the boys and details of the divorce. If I called, the phone would go to voicemail. So, at the suggestion of the moderators I printed the letter and left it somewhere she would find it so she could read it without any pressure from me. When anything was revealed to me, I would text her an apology in the moment so I wouldn't forget. I never thought of it as impersonal, just the opportunity never presented itself to do so. But, I can see how it was so.

 

Truthfully, I was scared to death of her, scared of opening my heart did none of this with an ounce of vulnerability. FHFH would remind me all the time of this and I never really understood what he was trying to tell me. I still have no idea how to do that, it's like telling me to play billiards with a rope or push a ball of jello uphill. Plus being completely open frightenens me to no end and I will avoid it like the plague. From what I've been told, I would not give my wife me and I don't understand what that means. I wouldn't lay me down and give her me...my head still spins over that one.

 

But, maybe I should give her another apology. I don't know when or how to do so since she still holds fast to the statement that she wants no more apologies from me.

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Wow, I have spent a long time reading your thread and it is fascinating.

 

Still, like I told one of my friends, you are still married in God's realm, it is only an earthly separation through the legal system, which is basically a plan for support and little more. In God's realm, not Satan's YOU ARE STILL MARRIED.

 

So, maybe you need to let the lady you are with find someone unattached so she can be happy, and ask your wife out on a date?

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Thanks for taking the time to read my thread and glad you found it facinating. My life is anything but normal...

 

However God views my marital status, I'm not so sure asking my ex-wife out would be good for her. First, she may hit her head on something when she faints. Secondly, she would not be pleased if I did ask her out. She's made it more than clear that is not something she wants from me. Violating that boundary would only serve to hurt her. Nevermind the fact that I have no interest as a partner anymore. Her car is in the shop and she needed a ride to work. I offered her the use of my car, picked her up from her house at lunch, and rode back to my office so I could get back to work. The car ride over was just awkward and we really have nothing in common anymore other than children. I wouldn't know where to begin to pursue her that way anymore. Like I said before, she's VERY easy on the eyes and a great mother but she's not someone I would date anymore. I'd imagine the feeling is mutual on her side.

 

 

A couple of days ago she opened up to me and was thinking of leaving her current suitor. These are the few times she'll open up with me and once she allows herself to be pursued by someone other than me her heart will close back up. So, I'm good to her for a few days and that's it. I have no real idea as to why it happens that way but it's what happens. Coincidentally she did decide to stay with her boyfriend.

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M Posted Today, 06:49 PM

Waiting On You LORD, on 06 July 2011 - 07:15 PM, said:

Since you are still here let me ask you something. How do I completely turn this over to God? How do I pray for that? All my prayers are so simple, I do not use words like thorns and cast and demand. They are just as affective right?

XDawg replied to M:

It's always the position of the heart, not the words. When my kids come to me for a need they don't have a huge vocabulary, but I can tell and hear what they're heart is saying. I don't act based upon their grammar, I act based upon their need. Same thing goes with Him. He wants you to share where you are and be with Him. The more you're with Him, the clearer you'll hear His voice. Check out James 1 and James 5:15.

 

Amplified Bible

James 1

 

1JAMES, A servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes scattered abroad [among the Gentiles in the dispersion]: Greetings ([a]rejoice)!

2Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.

 

3Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

 

4But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

 

5If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.

 

6Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind.

 

7For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord,

 

8[For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides].

 

9Let the brother in humble circumstances glory in his elevation [as a Christian, called to the true riches and to be an heir of God],

 

10And the rich [person ought to glory] in being humbled [by being shown his human frailty], because like the flower of the grass he will pass away.

 

11For the sun comes up with a scorching heat and parches the grass; its flower falls off and its beauty fades away. Even so will the rich man wither and die in the midst of his pursuits.(A)

 

12Blessed (happy, [c]to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.

 

13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from God; for God is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one.

 

14But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).

 

15Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death.

 

16Do not be misled, my beloved brethren.

 

17Every good gift and every perfect ([d]free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse].

 

18And it was of His own [free] will that He gave us birth [as sons] by [His] Word of Truth, so that we should be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures [a sample of what He created to be consecrated to Himself].

 

19Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.

 

20For man's anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].

 

21So get rid of all uncleanness and the rampant outgrowth of wickedness, and in a humble (gentle, modest) spirit receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted [in your hearts] contains the power to save your souls.

 

22But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].

 

23For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] natural face in a mirror;

 

24For he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like.

 

25But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience).

 

26If anyone thinks himself to be religious (piously observant of the external duties of his faith) and does not bridle his tongue but deludes his own heart, this person's religious service is worthless (futile, barren).

 

27External [e]religious worship [[f]religion as it is expressed in outward acts] that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God the Father is this: to visit and help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need, and to keep oneself unspotted and uncontaminated from the world.

 

James 5

 

1COME NOW, you rich [people], weep aloud and lament over the miseries (the woes) that are surely coming upon you.

2Your abundant wealth has rotted and is ruined, and your [many] garments have become moth-eaten.

 

3Your gold and silver are completely rusted through, and their rust will be testimony against you and it will devour your flesh as if it were fire. You have heaped together treasure for the last days.

 

4[but] look! [Here are] the wages that you have withheld by fraud from the laborers who have reaped your fields, crying out [for vengeance]; and the cries of the harvesters have come to the ears of the Lord of hosts.

 

5[Here] on earth you have abandoned yourselves to soft (prodigal) living and to [the pleasures of] self-indulgence and self-gratification. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter.

 

6You have condemned and have murdered the righteous (innocent man), [while] he offers no resistance to you.

 

7So be patient, brethren, [as you wait] till the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits expectantly for the precious harvest from the land. [see how] he keeps up his patient [vigil] over it until it receives the early and late rains.

 

8So you also must be patient. Establish your hearts [strengthen and confirm them in the final certainty], for the coming of the Lord is very near.

 

9Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you [yourselves] may not be judged. Look! The Judge is [already] standing at the very door.

 

10[As] an example of suffering and ill-treatment together with patience, brethren, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord [as His messengers].

 

11You know how we call those blessed (happy) who were steadfast [who endured]. You have heard of the endurance of Job, and you have seen the Lord's [purpose and how He richly blessed him in the] end, inasmuch as the Lord is full of pity and compassion and tenderness and mercy.(A)

 

12But above all [things], my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath; but let your yes be [a simple] yes, and your no be [a simple] no, so that you may not sin and fall under condemnation.

 

13Is anyone among you afflicted (ill-treated, suffering evil)? He should pray. Is anyone glad at heart? He should sing praise [to God].

 

14Is anyone among you sick? He should call in the church elders (the spiritual guides). And they should pray over him, anointing him with oil in the Lord's name.

 

15And the prayer [that is] of faith will save him who is sick, and the Lord will restore him; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.

 

16Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].

 

17Elijah was a human being with a nature such as we have [with feelings, affections, and a constitution like ours]; and he prayed earnestly for it not to rain, and no rain fell on the earth for three years and six months. [i Kings 17:1.]

 

18And [then] he prayed again and the heavens supplied rain and the land produced its crops [as usual]. [i Kings 18:42-45.]

 

19[My] brethren, if anyone among you strays from the Truth and falls into error and another [person] brings him back [to God],

 

20Let the [latter] one be sure that whoever turns a sinner from his evil course will save [that one's] soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins [[a]procure the pardon of the many sins committed by the convert].

Edited by June & Ward
correcting quote
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XDAWG,

 

 

For the first year and a half 90% of our interactions were exchanging the boys. Any other interaction was when she needed something from me. There wasn't any real sharing. If The Lord showed me anything that I hadn't mentioned in the letter, I'd text her an apology.

 

Wow, no offense, brother here but I have to say that this is so lame. You could not really behave in ways that presented her with a different and changed man because YOU were and ARE all about yourSELF. The fact that you continue to mention here and other posts, that she wanted something from you is a clear indication to me that you FELT put upon. And yet, to put a demand on the husband IS God's glorious and perfect will. Placing a demand on the image and likeness of God in his spirit is exactly what would cause the man to have to lay aside his flesh to meet the demand of love. When that man chooses to meet the need to GIVE love, he must go against his own selfish inclinations to do so. In God's perfect plan, THIS IS HOW he dies to self and chooses instead his Bride. As he continues to walk in love, he becomes a new creation, a strong man of Godly character and a force to be reckoned with. This is the clarion call a man of God is to walk out before His God and Lord.

 

You were clearly acting out of fear and not coming from a place of being her SOURCE and providing life and strength. That meeting her wants and needs was a blessed event for you and a thrilling opportunity to minister to her heart. (I am not gathering this sense just from the above quote but in other places you say this as well).

 

I'd text her an apology

 

Perhaps this is me but if I were your wife and I received impersonal and "technical" apologies; I, personally would have thought that I was not important enough for my husband to exert any kind of effort or demonstrate true humility toward me, the wounded party. After all, you had acted in egregious ways towards her, completely decimated her heart and still revealed a flippant attitude about the devastation you wrought against your own family. These offenses are not something that could be white-washed by throwing out a few messages over a phone.

 

I am not saying these things to try and condemn you but to show you that the level of commitment you had and (have) toward your Covenant was and (is) being grossly mishandled. How can you allow the Lord to change your character if you do not acknowledge the very sinful places in you that need a deathblow? God is not interested in shaming you but in renewing your mind and forming Christ in you. Recognizing in yourself the areas that need to change IS the first step of maturity.

 

I am bewildered by the fact that you speak in ways that give the impression YOU decide for yourself what is or what is not the truth of God's Word. You define obedience based on YOUR convenience and comfort level. Dying to self and laying one's life down takes completely selling out to truth and surrendering ALL to Christ Jesus.

 

The pattern has been this...I'm allowed into her life only when there is a need. Once the need has been met, I'm no longer welcome and it's off to someone else's arms. That pattern has yet to diffuse and I've been clueless as to what I need to do to break it. To be honest, this has been a major factor in my decision to no longer pursue her anymore. It's like I'm trusted with all things except one aspect of her heart. Maybe it was the response to my refusal to be vulnerable with her. I dunno. I held the belief that if I were vulnerable with her, which is something I have no idea how to do, she would hurt my heart.

 

Here, in the above quoted statements are revealed the glaring truth about yourself. It is crystal clear to me that you never treated her outward behavior as a RESPONSE to your moral failure. Her responses to you perfectly mirror how you always acted toward her all of her married life. You always chose yourself and your idolatries over her heart in your marriage. You put up roadblocks to relationship, resisted her heart cry for years and would turn toward other selfish pursuits rather than pursuing her heart. She perfectly reflected back to you, YOUR SIN ISSUES. The pattern you thought was hers is actually YOUR pattern. You would demand, manipulate or TAKE what YOU thought you NEEDED FROM HER and turn away from her and the children. The other arms you ran to may have not been physical arms but make no mistake that you have your places of self-seeking to get your emotional needs met by something else.

 

That is called being a responder and not an initiator. You are to be THE MAN in the relationship. You are created by God to be a GIVER and not a TAKER. Being a taker goes against the creative act of God in making you male or masculine. Men are NOT designed by God in marriage to be the receiver in the relationship. The one necessary attribute that causes a marriage to succeed is that the husband is to be the SOURCE and SUPPLIER of all that is of love to a wife and children.

 

God took Eve out of a SOURCE. The raw materials in creating Eve were supplied from Adam. God took out of Adam's side a WHOLE part of him that was the nurturing and relational aspect of God's nature. That is why a husband needs his wife or help-meet. She has the part you do not possess. This truth is the reason you are clueless or helpless. It is NOT a put down at all but the wise design of the Creator. You have the part she needs. That is why her desire is to reach out and CONNECT to the SOURCE, from whence she came, to receive from her husband the PART God left in Adam. The side is not just a rib but a counter-part. When you put these two parts together they form the complete picture of the image and likeness of God. That is the purpose of being one flesh.

 

These truths are breathtaking and not to be taken lightly. God has a plan and purpose in everything He creates. It is not just a nice idea but inherent in this truth is a picture of a Bridegroom who would pursue a Bride and die for her, so that what the enemy had tried to destroy and put asunder would be re-connected and ultimately redeem a relationship with the Father through Christ Jesus.

 

That pattern has yet to diffuse and I've been clueless as to what I need to do to break it.

 

You must break the pattern in yourself, FIRST. You go FIRST in all ways and in every areas of love and relationship. You die to your patterns of Arrested Development, mother-sin issues and your sinful nature and she will THEN RESPOND to these changes in YOU. You have succeeded in doing this backwards. That is why you do not have any success. You are here right now and God is a God of miracles, transformation and restoration.

 

Obedience is better than sacrifice. You can offer many things up to God but if you do not learn what love is, HOW it behaves and what it looks like from GOD'S PERSPECTIVE, then you are nothing. (1 Corinthians 13). You are noisy and taking up space and are devoid of possessing your true purpose. That purpose is to BECOME Christ-like. Whatever this may take and whatever this may cost your fleshly man is your singular devotion, drive and commitment to.

 

To be honest, this has been a major factor in my decision to no longer pursue her anymore. It's like I'm trusted with all things except one aspect of her heart. Maybe it was the response to my refusal to be vulnerable with her. I dunno. I held the belief that if I were vulnerable with her, which is something I have no idea how to do, she would hurt my heart.

 

You are to emulate Christ. You are a living sacrifice, a living epistle to be read by all men. Your life is to represent a living Word picture of WHO Jesus is and how He loves. You are very much His hands and heart to others.

 

Jesus did not love His Bride CONDITIONED upon her response or love for Him. While we were yet sinners, He died for us. It is not that we loved Him but that Jesus FIRST loved us and laid His life down for the Bride. In this, John said, is how we KNOW what love is, that Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.

 

Love is not inaction but demonstration. It is an outward sign of a man's true inward character.

 

DO you think the Church hurt Christ's heart? DO you think that your sin hurt Jesus? Obviously that is a rhetorical question. God is mindful of your pain, wounds and vulnerabilities as His child. Yet, the way to healing and transformation for a MAN is to take the way of the Cross. God does not want you to love because it will not hurt. He has called you to be like Jesus and count the cost. The only thing it will hurt is YOUR FLESH. You want your flesh to be cut away and rooted up. God wants you to be rooted and grounded in love. When you love the unlovely then you truly know HOW to love. When you love even when you think the other person is not worthy of it then you are finally dying. When you forsake self and focus only a Bride's heart then you have truly become a Christ-like man. This NOT about you or your pain and hurt. It is about her hurt and pain you inflicted upon her.

 

It is true you are called to a high calling in representing our Savior to your wife. Yet, you are unlike Him in that you are sinful and have feet of clay. This glory is in an earthen vessel. God knows that to be the best and most masculine man you can be will take understanding HOW to become a vessel that pours out and pours out and pours out to a Bride. You are the SOURCE from which her life and strength (to be established and firmly planted). Your SOURCE as the head is Christ. You go to your SOURCE to get what you need. (1 Corinthians 11).

 

You have to FIRST recover her and unburden her from all the abuses you have buried her under. Her heart is in ruins because that is HOW you left her. Restitution is making the wrongs right, as much as it is in your power to do so. To seek peace and pursue it. Jeremiah says, that we say peace, peace and yet, you leave the wounds of the people unhealed.

 

I were vulnerable with her, which is something I have no idea how to do, she would hurt my heart.

 

 

Being vulnerable with a wife is being humble and transparent about the ways in which you have failed. It is taking your failures and fighting back with faith. It is being a MAN who knows what his calling his and going after it with all of his heart, soul, mind and strength. It is letting go of the previous ways in which he thought what being a man was all about. It is shaking off those lies of the enemy that he has trusted in and listened to. You are defined as a man by GIVING LOVE. That is the truth in its simplest and wondrous terms.

 

Being vulnerable is being open and teachable before a wife who is as human and frail as himself. It is putting yourself out there in spite of the pain you may feel and the cost that is required. That is a MAN in a wife's eyes.

 

She looks and is searching for unfailing love that will accept her just as she is. She is searching for a man of steadfastness and certainty that she can count on when everything inside her is frightened and scared. This to her is a man she can feel safe with. He is consistent. Inconsistency breeds uncertainty and that man knows to avoid this pitfall. It is being that kind of man to her that changes the responses of her heart toward her husband.

 

It is showing her that her worth, value and dignity is demonstrated openly by a love willing to die for her. That she is your goal and aim in this life. That her needs and desires are above yourself and what you may get. That your desire is FOR HER because she is significant because of Christ's death for her and His heart is beating inside of you for a Bride.

 

Being vulnerable is that you do not falter or grow weary in doing good to her all the days of her life. That you are a kingdom minded man who sows to the Spirit to reap the rewards of seeing the object of love come back to life. Your great joy is seeing her flourish and blossom in her calling, destiny and purposes in God.

 

It is covering every spot, blemish, wrinkle and fault in her. It sees no flaw in the present because you know that love never fails or ends. Its power is unbeatable. It is consistent and eternal. It believes for the best in her. She is beautiful to you behind her veil and in spite of her sin and those things that have tainted and marred the image and likeness of God in her you press toward her heart. It is your one desire to convince her of her beauty and acceptance in your eyes. That seeing her walk out of her wilderness leaning on the arm of her Beloved is your great joy to watch unfold and happen because of God's love coming THROUGH you for her.

 

You are vulnerable because you could never do this on your own. You are in desperate need of Christ's power and grace to do so. You bend to His will and surrender it to Jesus for her. for His glory and renown in all the Earth.

 

It is looking for the narrow path to walk on and not looking for the easy way out of his responsibilities.

 

That is true vulnerability.

 

I pray God restores first your fervency and passion to love and serve Him and then to prove your great love for Jesus by loving His Bride, your wife. I pray He puts within you a heart of flesh and removes from you the hard and stony heart. I pray God puts within you a husband's heart like your Heavenly Bridegroom's own heart. I pray you would push past the lure of the temporal and that your heart would be refocused upon His Kingdom and its purposes. I pray that you hear the voice of the Bridegroom say to enter into the way of the Cross and by this you would become who you were always meant to be. That you will fulfill the mandate and calling on your life and possess the character to walk in that high calling and prophetic destiny spoken over your life since you were a young boy. Many have prayed for you to walk in His plan for your life. If you will believe again, God will say in your hearing, And it came to pass. Amen and Amen.

 

Kimberly

Edited by Pure in Heart
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I checked the court records and there is nothing showing that my ex is divorced from her second husband. Neither party has even filed...

 

WHY aren't you replying to what WE have been posting to you??

 

where is the humility? she NEEDS an indepth apology from you, an abusive husband, someone who violated all her hopes and dreams --

YOU need to write a list of ALL the wrongs you did against her or that hurt her, whether purposeful or due to cluelessness

 

Kindly HEED Kimberly's insightful words to you -- WOW! The Holy Spirit was all over her last post to you.

 

It is time for you to GROW UP, even if you can't find the divorce records of your wife's second marriage to another abusive husband.

 

Time for YOU to bring healing to her heart. You are still the initiator, still the "source" of life or death, blessings or curses in the relationship with her...

 

 

my .02

June of

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Who cares at this point if she not divorced. That marriage was NOT ordained or God's will for her. YOU are God's will for her life. You were created to be a lifeline to rescue her from herself and to defeat the enemy of her very soul. There is a war for her very soul. It is because of what God has appointed her to do in the Earth for His glory.

 

I think that she is so amazing that it reveals your inner torment and insecurities. You believe that you could never measure up to WHO God has declared she is. That is a lie from the enemy. You think, If I just ignore her long enough it will quell the onslaught of all the feelings of failing God and failing her that rage within your mind. If I pretend that I am too weak and incapable of dying for a greater purpose, God will let me take the easy way and forgive my fault.

 

I feel strongly about this XDAWG. You can take it or leave it. That is your prerogative and I WANT you to weigh my words against His truth and the witness of your spirit. I am not afraid to be wrong or miss it.

 

There is a greater purpose that you did not ever contemplate. God has picked you. He did not pass you by as you have thought. But trying to make soemthing else His will and plan will never satisfy your deepest yearnings. Your heart cry is to be used of God and for your life to make a difference. Your legacy was meant to be one who is an expression of the Father's heart and His passion for a people who KNOW they are treasured.

 

From this knowledge through His anointing on your gifts and calling, many will bring Him glory, honor and turn back to the Father.

 

Call me crazy but God is stirring this noble theme for your life in me.

 

Now, pray and ask God where to begin and obey His voice and instruction to you. Do not try and make sense of what may seem to you to be outlandish.

 

In your apology, admit to her that you had found a Ministry that told you to lay your life down for her and you were too scared. That you long to be a man of God and that you were turned off course but only temporarily. Ask for her forgiveness in not obeying God back then and take responsibility for her life going in a direction that hurt her. If it had not been for your slowness in apprehending the truth that your life would be farther along than it is. Your wound XDAWG is not incurable but God will heal you. Jeremiah says, I have seen his willful ways and I will HEAL HIM. Amen.

 

For you, there is mercy and kindness XDAWG for this very failure to launch into the purposes of God. The Lord knew that you would take the long way around but that you would come back around. The latter will be greater than the former anyways!! There is a season of gathering you and calling you back to Himself. Take advantage of His appointed time in your life. It may move more quickly than you thought. You have turned your face back to the Father because it is God who has willed in you to DO His good, perfect pleasant and will.

 

Trust Him as you have never trusted Him before.

 

Kimberly

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June,

 

I am working on the apology and the list of what she deserved as a wife from me. I'm starting with the list of what she deserved from me it should help me gain a better hold of how I hurt her. Then write the apology from there. I've been crazy busy here with work and kids and haven't found a quiet moment to give it the time it deserves. I'm on vacation this week and will have plenty of time to work on it.

 

 

Kimberly,

 

I think that she is so amazing that it reveals your inner torment and insecurities. You believe that you could never measure up to WHO God has declared she is.

 

You heard correctly here. She is that amazing and one of the most gifted people I've ever met and my insecurities certainly came to the forefront in her presence. She's beautiful, athletic, brilliant, charismatic, loving and very prophetic. I did believe that I would never measure up and probably still do.

 

He did not pass you by as you have thought.

 

You were right on here. I've viewed God that way for as long as I can remember.

 

 

Your legacy was meant to be one who is an expression of the Father's heart and His passion for a people who KNOW they are treasured.

 

This word has been spoken over me more than once.

 

I think I understand the gift she is/was in my life and she was an extension of God's goodness and favor to me. People like her don't grow on trees.

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People like her don't grow on trees.

 

And either do people like you!!

 

I think that is God's point.

 

You were perfectly matched for each other.

 

I think the reason the Holy Spirit showed me that was because you were so busy looking at her and measuring yourself against her, that you forfeited seeing WHO you are in the Father's eyes and ALL He has gifted YOU with.

 

When you focused on your lack you missed God's unlimited power toward you to love your Bride. That was and is His heart.

 

I believe in miracles.....maybe, just maybe, this is one of those stories that do not say, THE END but ...to be continued!!

 

Can't help it...I am a miracle and so is my marriage!! And, I might add a hopeless romantic!! Funny, I have this idea the Lord is also.

 

Blessings untold,

 

Kimberly

Edited by Pure in Heart
typos
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I'm no longer in a relationship with the woman I was seeing. I understand how I went about this like it was a check list instead of it being the desire of my heart. Maybe there is a disconnect within me. Whether its fear, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness etc...I tend to approach others from that perspective instead of it coming from within me.

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I could not give her all of me, there are still places in my heart that are connected to my ex wife and there are some things that haven't been walked out yet. I was beginning the same old pattern with this one that I began with my ex-wife, hiding my heart and where I was.

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June,

I've started on the list of things that she deserved from me within the marriage. It's the initial ideas right now but wanted to see if I was on the right track. I'm sure more will come to me later.

 

What she deserved:

My unconditioinal support emotionally.

Affection without expectations.

To have her hand held in public.

To have eyes only for her.

Absolute and total access to my heart and mind.

Safety and security to share her innermost thoughts and feelings.

To know that she was beautiful.

A smile from me every time I came home from work.

Kindness

Gentleness

Faithfulness

To be her best and most trusted friend.

Stability

Selflessness

The freedom to choose her life.

To see me walk out everything I said I would do when we were dating.

To be romanced.

To be honored as a woman, a mother and a wife.

To be invited into my world.

Unconditional acceptance and love.

To be romanced.

To know that she was on my mind and heart at all times.

To know that she was an expression of Gods kindness and favor in my life.

To konw that she was a blessing to me, my children and to those around her.

To be reminded daily of how truly amazing she was.

To know that it was my desire to be a good father and husband.

Honesty, honesty and honesty

To know that her and the boys' wellbeing were my first priority.

To know how much she meant to me on a daily basis.

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My ex-wife and I ended up talking for 4 hours last night face to face. She shared more last night than she ever has or maybe I was able to hear more last night than I ever have. There was so much that she said and shared, I'm still processing through it all. We spoke about why I ended the relationship I was currently in. She asked why I ended it. My initial answer didn't satisfy, she kept pressing and I told her that there are still places in my heart connected to her but I am not trying to pursue her that way. I told her that there are things that I'm supposed to give back to her.

She told me that she doesn't want anything back from me that I took from her, but if I want to give back to her I should give back to the boys what I took from them. She told me she has forgiven me.

 

She shared specifically when she decided she was done with the marriage.

 

She shared with me how I made her feel inadequate as a woman and how she felt as if she'd never live up to my expectations as a wife. How my facial expressions when I looked at her told her everything I was thinking at the time. I told her that there has been more than one occasion that I've kicked myself in the tail after I'd see her when I would drop off the boys.

 

She shared with me how it shocked her how well I could hide what I was doing and how quickly I could lie when questioned. She shared with me about how her boyfriend doesn't make her feel that way at all.

 

She shared how badly it hurts her sometimes when the boys ask her "Do we get to go back to daddy's tomorrow?" and she's not sure if she can forgive

me for that.

 

She shared with me how badly she wants to be there with them to help them with homework, school projects, have family dinners at the table and just love them but she can't right now due to her work schedule being the way it is. She shared how my oldest boy worships the ground I walk on, yet she knows him better than anyone on the planet. She feels like the boys think it's her fault and she's still hurting over what happened in the second marriage and how it affected the boys.

 

I apologized for what I did to put her in that situation and that I would do anything I could to give her that time with them.

 

There was much more shared in all of that but those are the things that come to memory immediately.

 

Here are the things that I gather from the night so far.

1) There is still a place of disconnect within me. I was there with her listening to her and trying to hear her heart but it felt like I wasn't there. My ex-wife shared some really deep pain with me and I was with her encouraging her, but not sure if I felt the depth of it. But this is the first time she's shared with me like this in nearly 4 years.

 

2) I sat there and talked with her about her boyfriend and I wasn't falling apart on the inside. I was ok, I knew I was ok and didn't feel this overwhelming sense of rejection.

 

3) I think she shared a major piece of her heart of what loving her looks like by pouring myself into our children and blessing them is blessing her and loving them is loving her because they are such a huge part of her heart.

 

4) I was scared to share with her where my heart was in regards to her and thought she would freak out and shut down. She didn't, she kept sharing with me.

 

I didn't think any of that would happen, ever.

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