1love Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) I guess I failed to say in the previous post that the pregnancy test was negative....thank God! You know, I was just beginning to start to have a somewhat decent view of sex. This just confirms in my mind that ALL males are perverts that are just out for sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edited February 19, 2016 by 1love Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted February 19, 2016 Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 I can certainly understand your strong feelings at this time, 1love!!! I would feel that angry too! I sure would! Oh brother! And then I would turn my attention to the girl and feel angry at her for either allowing this, or for encouraging this!!! But you know what, I am utterly confident that because your husband is now fulfilling his calling,even though it is so recently, The Holy Spirit can freely do His work at making "all things work together for good!" Somehow they will. God bless you, 1love! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted February 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 Thank you, MJ. I'm sure God will work things out. He has never let me down, and I don't see that ever changing. In talking with son yesterday, I told him he was to return daughter's house key to her when he got off work. He did not do that. This could turn into an interesting evening. He works until 4. I don't know if girlfriend works or not but hopefully will find out at our shared chiropractor appointment time today. Our daughter often but not always stays at our work house on Friday nights. Whether it is our house or her own, it is usually very late that she gets in. Wow. As I was typing that she had not returned my text of this morning, she called. I just spent about 35 minutes on the phone with her. I now am fighting the feeling of being the worst parent that ever walked the face of the earth. No, we are not being blamed for son's behavior. But for us to try to enforce obedience in our house???? Forget it. We were never there. Our children don't feel loved by us. We say empty words of "I love you." I feel very much done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 I am so sorry, 1love! God in Heaven, I pray for clear, sure wisdom for these two parents. Help them to know what to do, and to have the courage to do it. In Jesus' Name! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Thank you so much, MJ. It was a crazy and busy weekend. As #5 son said on our way up to the work house Monday night, "We've had four days of partying!" This is so true. In the midst of all that partying, we needed to talk with #4 son, get our date in, and go to church. And guess what! We did it all and survived!!!! I am the last of six children, and over the weekend five of us were together. My absent brother and his wife were not able to make it due to a flu bug. One sister lives in the same town as my mother, and we are 20 miles away when at home (or about 60 miles away from our work house). The others of us are from four different states. We don't get together very often. Particularly my oldest brother, with the farthest to travel, doesn't make it very often due to health issues. One sister was already in, brother (and sil) came in Friday afternoon, and other sister (and bil) got in Sunday afternoon. We all filled our mother with a lot of love and attention. Six of our children and daughter's fiancee were in and out at various times as well as one son and family of local sister. I think it was a total of 21 throughout the partying time although maybe not all at the same time. We had organized (somewhat anyway) Friday and Saturday suppers, Sunday lunch, and Monday supper. It was a lot of fun. The kids and I got to work house a little before 10 Monday night. Yesterday was basically crash day. We're supposed to go home tomorrow and have a cookout tomorrow night, #2 son coming in Friday evening on spring break for a week.....sounds like a lot more partying going on! We'll see if we actually make it home tomorrow, and if we do, have that cookout.....I'm watching it snow as I type. The forecast for where I am right now has been anywhere from less than an inch, 1-3 inches, 3-5 inches, 5-8 inches, 8-12 inches, and back to the current 5-8. It's been the same for home except for the 8-12. We actually have a blizzard warning issued for today. Saturday morning was supposed to be our date breakfast. That turned into a lunch time breakfast. I'm glad Cracker Barrel serves breakfast at lunch time. Before leaving for our date, we had a very good talk with #4 son. I asked him to talk, and he didn't. I told him if he didn't, I would. And he didn't. So I did. And J did. He knows he did wrong. Some pretty rigid boundaries are in place. I'm not sure if he will be willing to comply all the way, how to know if he does or doesn't, what to do if he doesn't and we are aware of it. He met with #1 daughter late Monday afternoon. I have no idea about their conversation, but I do trust her moral standards to have given him wise counsel. Oh, after posting last Friday morning, I went to my room, got pretty strong with the devil in fighting the feelings from being on the phone with our daughter, quoted a lot of scripture, cried for about half an hour, and went to sleep resting in the love of my Jesus. We needed to leave earlier than usual as we were lunching at my mother's, so I did need to get a move on. #2 son called. We spent a little over an hour on the phone. I told him about daughter's phone call. He was full of encouragement and sharing scripture with me. I would say it was probably the best hour of my day. His words, which I am confident were from God, transformed me from the "whipped pup" sulking in the corner to the victorious child of God that I am. And we made it to my mother's in time for lunch! The kids took care of dishes AND made my bed while I took a shower! I am amazed more and more each day! The tide is turning. I stake the claim of my family for the Lord! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Oh, I would guess we have 1-2 inches of snow already, and it's only been snowing about an hour and a half! FUN! FUN! FUN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 The tide is turning! That says it! I'm so glad, 1love! Many parts are working together for you -- getting tough with the enemy, sticking to your guns with your husband, and children, and resting in Jesus. It's so good. God is so Good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted April 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2016 I guess I should post here. My posts seem to be going to the oxytocin contest thread. Things have been somewhat stable. Yes, there has been good and bad with the kids. I wish I could say that everything was in good form, but we haven't gotten there yet. I think one thing that I really don't know what to do with is the kids saying that I don't care about what's going on in their lives (however they word that), yet when I ask about anything, I'm just trying to control everything. Well, surprise.....#2 daughter just got here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted April 21, 2016 Report Share Posted April 21, 2016 Do you mean she has come to visit? I was just thinking that as you are more relaxed in general because of feeling loved by your husband, maybe your children will subconsciously become more "relaxed" in their relationship with you! Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted April 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2016 Yes, MJ, she came for a visit. We were surprised when the doorbell rang. Our son went to answer the door, but I knew it was going to be her. She had texted on Monday about possibly coming up on Thursday....but it was to be a surprise. Then on Tuesday, she indicated that she would not be coming. Instead she was going to try to get some stuff done at home and take the offered hours at work on Friday. So she was trying to throw me off on the idea of her coming. But when the doorbell rang, I knew who it was before seeing her.. I would say it's been fun to have her here except I have been gone too much of the day to enjoy the company. The youngest two have certainly enjoyed her company though. When I've been here, it's been good. I think tomorrow is to be a more relaxed day. Although we will be going home at some point, we really don't have a pressing schedule. I think the girls are wanting to go shopping a little. The only definite time is daughter's quartet practice at 6, so she has to be out of here at 4:30. On Saturday, oldest and youngest daughters and I are going to my niece's bridal shower. I anticipate a good trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted April 22, 2016 Report Share Posted April 22, 2016 Ah, may the bridal shower event turn out to be a good bonding time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted April 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2016 The bridal shower was a success. I was running behind on picking #1 daughter up as I had awakened very early with my right knee in great pain. I was able to get back to sleep, but when it was time to get up, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to walk. J helped me to the bathroom. It was going to be an interesting day if this thing didn't clear up. I managed a shower and getting dressed okay but decided I needed to see the chiropractor before making a 4 hour (one-way) drive, party, and drive home. We did make it there about 15 minutes early. #1 and #3 daughters had a lot of fun giving me a hard time about my inability to move very well. The trip to the chiropractor was helpful. One of his recommendations was to keep it iced. I wasn't able to do that for another 12 or 13 hours. Sunday morning it was much better. Monday morning I had a slight twinge of pain and then it was gone. J had said he would go home on Monday after work, so we didn't go to the work house until Tuesday. It's been a crazy schedule this week. We had a visitation to go to Tuesday night, which is our usual dance class night. Due to the conflict, we went to class Sunday night. I really don't know what a normal week is anymore! Monday morning, #2 and #3 daughters and #5 son said something about my going shopping for picnic food. I did the shopping and made it back home. I was thoroughly surprised when #2 daughter said, "You are going on the picnic with us, aren't you?" Of course I was going if I was being invited! We had a lot of fun on our picnic in the corner of the field behind our house. The kids then went swimming in the pond by the field. Pond swimming is not for me to start with, but it seems a bit cold yet for outdoor swimming. They said it was cold but had a lot of fun anyway. It was very nice to be included in their activity......it's been a LONG time since that has happened. We've been having internet issues which has made it very difficult to finalize trip plans....we leave Saturday night! Pray for good weather! On the marriage front, sometimes I feel like all I do is tell J how he has once again hurt me in the usual manner. I'm really not sure who I am more frustrated with on this. Him for hurting me again, or me for being hurt again, or me for speaking up again. I get tired of having the same complaint continually. I sometimes think there must be something wrong with me....too sensitive. I know that is not true. I just get worn out. I know that if I back off, I am not doing anyone any good. I would not be being true to myself, and I would not be pushing for growth in J....thereby allowing him to stay in his arrested state. Who does that help? I will say that the last couple of times, he has actually figured out his error on his own.....after I got super quiet. I am hoping for a good trip as the two of us spend 15 hours together on the train (one-way) as we travel on our adventure to celebrate our 35th anniversary. I want to be on the other side of this mountain that is blocking our OHM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted April 29, 2016 Report Share Posted April 29, 2016 Amen! I understand! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted May 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2016 It was a great trip, but it is good to be home. I need to get our adventures written down in my trip journal while it is all fresh in my mind. I am waiting for J to get home (he had to meet #3 son to take care of some business), and we are going out for our anniversary dinner. Ah, he just pulled in the drive! May is going to be a very busy month as the days speed along to our daughter's early July wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 I'm glad it has been good overall!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted February 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) Life just really sucks sometimes! But God is still on the throne. And my God still loves me. I am His. He will take care of me. On December 1, 2016, my husband posted this in his thread: "Not sure what she is expecting out of me" Why not? Maybe he didn't ask, maybe he never really engaged in the process of loving me like Christ. I can tell you exactly what I do not expect, and that is another affair to add to the lengthy tally. Game over! Edited February 8, 2017 by 1love Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Has there been another one?!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted February 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2017 Yes, MJ, there has been another one. And with all the lies that surround it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted February 11, 2017 Report Share Posted February 11, 2017 This is SO AWFUL!!! I feel very very sorry for you, 1love! So, he thinks this latest "failure" of his is your fault, does he? You were not with him enough to hold his hand and keep him out of trouble? This "failure" is not a failure. It's a big huge SIN against God as well as against you! It's not a failure! There is no impasse! There is only the consequence of SIN. And he does not "still" love you. He loves himself and himself alone. Those counselling sessions that are coming up are going to be fun for him. He will get some of the undivided attention that He thinks he did not get "enough" of from you and which led to his "failure!" Poor guy. I feel bad for being sarcastic, but this situation takes the cake and I think it's just terrible that a man can treat his wife so casually! Ho hum. Let's have a little counselling to rectify this little failure and get the wife back in her oppressive little place where she belongs. No more of that, right, 1love?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted February 11, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2017 Thank you, MJ. And I say amen and amen! I have been telling him I'm done, but the rest of the line is done with being on this roller coaster. He has been giving me enough sporadic good to give me hope. I had recently warned him that his lows are getting lower and lasting longer. That "warning" is not to be taken as a "threat" but as a "warning." A warning for him to wake up and see how the enemy is pouring into his spirit, and he is listening to that voice rather than God's voice. A warning to keep his heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23 I love Proverbs. I will say that I have had difficulty reading some of it over the last 5 years. There are so many warnings about adultery. How could a man that says he loves Jesus (forget about saying that he loves his wife) take the scripture so lightly? There are so many scriptures about the wise man receiving instruction and correction and being grateful, and, of course, the opposite where the fool resists instruction and correction and gets mad at those who give it. I don't get it. I certainly am not perfect by any means. I recognize that and acknowledge that. I'll be the first one to say it. But I do let the living Word of God be my guidebook. We have to walk in the spirit letting His Word and His Spirit change us. The only way we can do that is to come to true repentance, stay in His Word, apply His Word to our daily lives, and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. We have power over the enemy. We don't have to sit and say "woe is me." He has thrown down. J&K ministry which is 100% Bible based, he is now saying doesn't line up with his Bible. Well, he must have gotten a different Bible than the one that I gave him some years ago. I know for a fact that the ministry lines up with that Bible! He got mad when Joel told him that God showed him that J has an anger issue with me. He refuted that. But did eventually agree to pray about it. I don't know that the praying about it has ever seriously taken place. He maintained a very adamant stance that he was not angry with me. Well, I think his reaction to the whole thing proves that, yes, he is. I really wish that I remembered just when that was because things have been escalating ever since then. I think that is the proof in the pudding. Good grief, I think it is in the same post of his that I quoted from above (Dec. 1) that he says that at times he resents me. Hello! Yes, MJ, I am done with being in the oppressive place! It is quite obvious to me that I wanted our marriage to work more than he wanted it to work. He told me that I "never" showed him that I wanted to be with him. My response to that would be what have the last 5 years been? I think I more than showed that I wanted to be with him. So he can enjoy going and talking about himself with the counselor or whoever. He can enjoy all the little "?#?#?#?#" that he finds on the dating sites. Unfortunately, I think that leaves him not enjoying the afterlife....according to my Bible anyway. Maybe his reads differently. J, I know that you will see this. I will give you one more scripture from my Bible. Luke 22:31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. Pull out the Bible that I gave you and read the rest of the passage. Here's an interesting observation I thought about the other day. The last day of our intensive was February 5, 2012. The day I told him to leave because of the latest affair and accompanying lies was February 5, 2017. That's 5 years to the day! That's 5 years that I spent of my life showing my husband that I wanted to be with him. That's 5 years I spent trying to be a help meet for this man to help him grow and become like Christ, to be the Christ like man that he told me he wanted to be. It seems to me that, given the results, maybe it's 5 years of my life that I wasted. But at the end of the day, I can say that I gave it my all. I did my best. I am at peace with God. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Hebrews 10:39 MJ, thank you so much for your support (everyone else too) over the last 5 years. I definitely would not have made it without you. I will still be around here, so this is not goodbye. Thank you for your prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted March 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2017 I just spent the last two hours reading through my would be husband's posts and my posts on the oxytocin thread. My how things change. He came home for a little while last night. It started out sort of okay but definitely did not end well. I read through the thread and relived all the wonderful memories. I remember the feelings. I read the promises he made in his posts. Maybe I should say his plans and not promises. He said last night that he had spent time reading through the thread. Then he said that's not who he is. Well, at least there is some word of truth that comes out of his mouth. He definitely is not the MAN that I was married to in February 2016. His statement though concerned DISHES. He doesn't do DISHES. I remember that the two of us had a lot of fun doing the DISHES together that month. He helped with dishes last night. And it wasn't even dishes that he had helped get dirty. Here's a big difference in the time. In 2016, he and I were doing a LOT of kissing (all the HSKC going on big time) and a lot of making LOVE. We were both in a HAPPY place. Marriage rating 8 or 9 at the time. Now the picture looks like this: In an email from him, he said he's "been married but lonely" he's not been happy. Now the picture is that WE are not doing any kissing, no HSKCs, and no making LOVE. He, however, is still doing the kissing, likely he's even implementing some of the teaching he has learned from this CULT that taught us how to get to that 8 or 9 last year - the HSKCs, and he is having sex. It's not making LOVE. Adultery can never be making LOVE. It is only walking in the lust of the flesh. He has reduced his made in the image of God body to the body of a stray dog going around to whatever poor, unsuspecting b--ch he can put his thing in. Wow! Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. His 17-18 month long (August 2010-January 2012) "b--ch" recipient of what God meant for me and only me was right when she told him "You'll never change. You'll be back." What a fool. Oh, she (current one) called and texted him last night while he was here. He confirmed they are still "talking" and having sex. What a fool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 14, 2017 Report Share Posted March 14, 2017 :( :( :( :( :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 14, 2017 Report Share Posted March 14, 2017 I guess your user name here doesn't really apply anymore, J, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted March 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 It's time to give an update here. On February 4, I found out about another affair that was going on. On February 5, he told me that he wanted me to know that he had asked God to forgive him, and that he was sorry he hurt me. I requested my adulterous husband to leave the house. In the time since then, he has shown much hatred toward me. He has not shown fruits meet for repentance. In fact, he was not repentant as he was continuing in the affair. He kept badmouthing this Christian based ministry that God directed us to, and we have been working with for 5 years. He asked about meeting with someone else. I finally conceded, and we met with the pastor of the church where we have been going on Wednesday nights. We met with him before church on March 15. The pastor said he would be willing to work with us but had to know that we both wanted the marriage. My adulterous husband's response to the pastor was that it sounded interesting and a possibility. His words to me after church were that he "would think about it." I sent an email to him on March 18 encouraging him to stop listening to the devil's lies and go back to striving to be the man of God that he has said he wants to be. On March 20, around 10:30pm, he finally called me back as he had said he would do around 3:00pm. He had read a letter I had written him in September. He had read my email. He had read the Bible. He has found someone that he "loves" and is not interested in working on the marriage. He could not in "good conscience" tell the pastor that he wanted the marriage. According to my email, I still expect him to change. God is loving and forgiving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1love Posted March 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 MJ, the username maybe does still apply: passion4one is passion only for himself! It certainly isn't passion for God, wife, or children. What definitely does not apply is the name of his thread: Rebuilding a man of God. What definitely does not apply is the section his thread is in: Husbands working to win their wife's heart back. What definitely does not apply is the name of my thread: Going for the Gold. Well, at least I was going for the gold. What definitely does not apply is the section my thread is in: Couples working together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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