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Here is what He gave me today from Isaiah 7:4-7: ...Take heed, and be quiet; fear not, neither be faint-hearted for the two tails of these smoking firebrands,.....have taken evil counsel against thee, saying, Let us go up against Judah, and vex it, and let us make a breach therein for us,....Thus saith the Lord God, IT SHALL NOT STAND, NEITHER SHALL IT COME TO PASS. (emphasis mine)

 

in 1love's post to husband:

 

You told me the work philosophy of this out-of-state guy......work all the hours, get all the money, then spend time with the wife. When you told me about it, you knew he had the wrong idea. It didn't take you long to adopt his idea though

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I'd say the out-of-state guy has a close connection to the "two tails of the smoking firebrands" . In his way, he has "taken evil counsel against" thy marriage.

 

Beware.

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Wow! I hadn't thought of that. Very good insight, MJ. Thank you. This guy mentioned to J's boss yesterday that J should get a raise for what he has done on programming this machine. Raises aren't talked about.

 

I was so frustrated upon getting back yesterday that I failed to mention that #3 daughter came back with us to keep me company. All the kids are very bummed out that he is not getting his vacation. I am just hoping they didn't have a secret dinner celebration planned for tonight.

 

I am very happy to report that when J called last night for us to go get him that I picked up my husband #3. He was very attentive to me last night and this morning. I haven't seen this guy since we moved up here. Welcome home J!

 

The computer remains safely tucked away, and he hasn't mentioned it. Unless he is reading my posts at work, he isn't seeing them. With the way the entire post shows up in his e-mail I guess that is possible. I don't know that it is very likely though.

 

I feel much more at peace today. Praise the Lord!

 

This other guy should be gone tomorrow. Extra long hours should end as well.

 

I see the sun rising on the horizon!

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:( To what extent am I to support my husband and his job?????

 

It is now 5:43am. I last saw my husband at 6:12am yesterday. Happy anniversary, Baby. Got my job on my mind!!!!!

 

He couldn't leave. At one point when I was talking to him (I think at quitting time), he said they were waiting for his boss to get back. He had gone to check on his truck. And boss's truck is more important than employee's wife? They would be working late. He didn't know how late. I told him to tell his boss that I was not happy and that he owed us a dinner out. Ha Ha. Like that will make up for spending my anniversary with our 10-year old daughter.

 

Don't take me wrong here. I am VERY glad that she came back with us on Wednesday. She did permit me to fix breakfast for us. She then fixed lunch. Has to be the first time in history that anyone from my family cut a frozen pizza in half returning half to the freezes and fixing the other! She then baked a cake. She fixed three individual lasagna dishes (in custard cups) with garlic bread on the side. I fixed three salads. She and I enjoyed a very nice dinner and watched a movie. Oh, she also made an anniversary card for us when we got back on Wednesday.

 

Remember, all baking done in roaster oven as work has kept him from getting gas line run from the meter which was installed last week.

 

I did put J's supper in the refrigerator before going to bed.....alone! He called at 11:55 saying that he didn't know when/if he would be home. They were probably working all night. I haven't heard from him since.....except for his alarm going off at 4 this morning, but I had awakened about 5 minutes earlier.

 

Why does he always seem to have job circumstances beyond his control? As bad as the previous job was, he was always able to at least take off for our anniversary.

 

So I know what he would say. Something to the effect of being caught in the middle, trying to juggle job and wife.

 

This is really the first BIG mark against this job. I don't want to be unreasonable here. I don't think he should quit or get fired over this one day of the year, but I don't expect them to have unreasonable demands either. I'm glad we had the hours on Wednesday even though it cost him $150. I wonder if he's made up for the lost wages yet?!!!

 

So, MJ, relief, yes, from all the turmoil. Thank you! And definitely good to know that he is just as put out as I am because he would rather be here than there. That is so much better than two years ago when I found out in looking at phone records later that he had spent more time talking on the phone with AP than he did with me even though we were in the same house.

 

I hate the road my life has gone down! I better get out of this place and start praising God before I go deeper into this "poor pitiful me" pit.

 

So I praise the Lord that I am no longer on that road. I thank the Lord for my new husband that loves me second only to God. I thank the Lord that I just got a "good morning" text from my husband. I thank the Lord for our new love. I thank the Lord for our new marriage. I thank the Lord for our OHM!!!!!!!

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Your feelings are not wrong. Your husband IS choosing his job over you.

 

Here's the thing - if he stands up for you and his marriage (which would be the better choice), there will probably be consequences. He might lose the overtime or he might actually get fired. He is afraid of that, and so he's caving in to the job at the expense of your heart. He seems to have forgotten that the purpose of moving was to give him more time at home, not to give him more time at work.

 

There probably is a happy medium. He probably could go to his boss and tell him that he needs to cut back on the overtime because his family is suffering. He probably could work an amount of overtime that you agree to without having to be there until they shut the place down for the night. He is probably imagining worst case scenario - if he doesn't work every minute they want him to work, he will get fired - and he is giving into the fear instead of trusting that God will work it out if he does the right thing.

 

Live with your wife in understanding, that your prayers will not be hindered.

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I had no desire to work the overtime that I worked. But in perspective I had found and supported using this company to upgrade out most critical machines so while this one was worked on everything depended on one machine which was working overtime to make up for my project downtime that turned into a disaster going from a 4 day project to a 3 week project. What I was facing was these machines are my responsibility. If something had happened to the one that was suppose to be running it would put 3/4ths of the plant , about 400 people, out of work. So is that any excuse for that to seem more important than my marriage..........NO. Could I really do anything to change that...... I dont like the choices life brings at times, All I can say is that it is finally to a running for the most part and now there should not be any late nights on this until the next part of this project starts in a few weeks that will be done as originally planned 3-4 days max. I know 1love is still dealing with the disaster this week turned into. Some times it is hard to keep going on when it seems easier to just give up but I dont think I could handle that idea either in reality. I know i have been very tired from work the last couple weeks, I never intended to ever work a 30hr day again at least my boss was there with me only he wasnt getting paid to be there. I worked like that for way too many years, this was his first all night project................ :razz:

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From your point of view I can understand your frustration at having to work so hard and feeling torn between the job and your wife.. However, this whole post is a defense of what has happened to you over the last few days. I see no- (absolutely none at all!) validation for how your wife experienced all of this.. no understanding.. no sympathy.

 

If your wife had been in a car crash and had been rushed to the hospital, could your boss have found someone to fill the gap? or could the workers have endured a day or two off- in the event of disaster? Well, her heart feels like it's been run over- and it seems- at least from what we see here- that it's not so much because of your actual physical absence from home while on the job- but because of your job absorption - excluding all else. Not calling her for twenty four hours? really?

 

No one is perfect and life does hand us hard choices.. but you can soften those events with empathy, love and consideration. Lots of men do special things for their wives when they can't be home and then they set a date to make it up afterwards.

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We have had a lot of discussion about our schedule overload with so much going on we have not found our time to get away but definitely planning to slow things down and have some us time. I don't really remember what contact I had with her but I had went to our work home and crashed before coming home with lots of roses for her.......

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Has it really been sooooo long since I have been here?

 

I am two days from crash day, although some might say that is what I did yesterday. I don't remember if I mentioned the "Heaven's Gates/Hell's Flames" production that our church community is sponsoring but the youngest three and I are in it. Tonight is the last performance. Tomorrow #2 daughter has another doctor's appointment about her wrist which is still bothering her.

 

My plan for Thursday is to do nothing but breathe! Maybe I will eat.....if someone else fixes the food! Well, I MAY not crash that far.

 

I won't do a big update here as I am supposed to be helping same daughter study for her last final which she has tomorrow morning.

 

J did bring me 2 DOZEN!!!!! beautiful roses when he got home about 3:30am on Saturday the 11th. He took me out for breakfast, and we went to see my mother for a little while.

 

It was a really crazy week with a new set of problems and good things.

 

I just wanted to let you know I'm still here for right now. I'll be back later.

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The doctor's report is that an MRI is going to be scheduled to see what is going on. That won't be for another week as daughter is doing a 2-week intensive class and is not available until after that is over next Friday.

 

She, youngest three, and I then came to the weekday house.

 

Something kind of troubles me here. I know (as do all of you) that J was working ridiculous hours which did not help our relationship in the slightest bit. I was majorly stressed with getting my part ready for the GMAs on Sunday. The weekend was a total blur for me anyway.

 

I'll cut through the chase here: Sunday night J was at home, Monday night he stayed at the other house (alone), and Tuesday night he went to see the drama we were in (which was really nice that he did that - the old guy probably would not have) and stayed at home that night. So Wednesday morning on his way to work he called, I think just to talk, which was nice....he hadn't done much of that while son was making that trip with him. The thing that troubles me is that he said something to this effect: he didn't know if something was wrong or what, but he felt I was having problems with our relationship. He really did not elaborate on that other than to suggest the flag being a limited sexual response from me. Nor did he stay on that topic for further conversation.

 

Can he really not see that he hasn't been pouring himself into me. He hasn't been listening and understanding. Last Thursday was not a good day for me.....computer shut down in the middle of a power-point presentation I was working on....which I hadn't saved yet! There were other things too. When he got home from work, I was trying to tell him about it all ...... all I needed was for him to listen to me, hold me, and let me know that everything will be okay. What I got was that he walked away, got on my computer in an adjoining room, and called through the room with a question. I was washing dishes at the time.

 

I asked if he was going to come back and let me finish talking. NO! Then I have nothing to say. Thursday night did not go well. He did sort of apologize later that night....I think it was an apology for being a jerk......but.....he was "hurt" because I said .....he was "upset" because I would not use his computer which has windows 07 whereas mine has 03 (which is what he put on mine). Well, I'll probably get it again now because this was the conversation topic that "hurt" him. You know, I'm just trying to work with what has been provided for me to work with and not what was kept from me. I had asked for 07 when he got his but 03 was good enough for my needs. I had to relearn the power-point because it has been awhile since I had done anything with it. The features on 07 are things I have never worked with. He also has said that the newer version would not play on the older, and I want to be able to play it on my computer. Now he says it will play, but it has to be saved a certain way, and won't necessarily keep everything the same. OK what am I missing here?

 

So the "hurtful" comment was made with our pastor's wife being there as she was going to help on the power-point. So I was making him look bad. Well, honey, I didn't say it until you, with your brown hair, were trying to make the two blondes look like dumb blondes because the attempted task was not working for us like you knew it should. I am very glad that it responded for you exactly like it did for us!!!!!

 

Maybe this attitude/event is our problem? I don't know. Maybe it is the stress of overloaded days. I have told you before that we need to keep in mind that we are not enemies and need to hold each other up. I needed you to listen to me, and you shut me out. I needed for you to hold me up, and you put me down.

 

Saturday I felt like I had to put out the wildfires that were popping up....and you were fanning them. #1 son was home, helping J work on his car. I was at the all day drama practice, and I am getting texts about son's spouting off about how horrible of condition the house is in. What am I supposed to do about it????? How can I do anything about that house when I am at this house????? You joined forces with him against all of the rest of us.

 

You knew his behavior was not right but didn't stop his going after #2 son who sought shelter from his fury in the girls' bathroom because it has a locking door on it. I don't know the exact words which he called #2 son because #2 doesn't talk like that; he left it that he was called a "whimp" for hiding out. Well, he didn't hide out for his own protection. He would not have fought back. #1 was the one being protected from going to jail for assault and battery.....or worse. You condoned #1's behavior by not standing up against him and justifying it because of your own frustrations with #2.

 

#1 has major anger issues. I've been telling you that for over a dozen years. It does not help him any to passively sit back and let him control the situation. You have said before that one day he will come against someone that will get the better of him. That could be you as God's instrument of love. I would much rather it be that way than a worse alternative. He sure won't listen to me. He has learned too well the lie that I don't have anything to say that is worth listening to.

 

What I need is for you to think about what you could do that would bless me the most.....and do it.

 

Last night, I commended #4 son for blessing me by voluntarily coming to help me with the dishes. Everyone else went their own way. I told him to keep up that attitude as he will one day (way off in the future - he is 15) be a blessing to his wife if he treats her the way he treats me. Remember Kevin Leman's book Sex Begins in the Kitchen. If you want good sex, be a blessing outside of the bed. When you bless the socks off of me everywhere else, I can easily bless the pants off of you in bed!

 

We were supposed to get back on the call with J&K a week after our being on there and let them know how it was going. I had every intention of doing so. Our time situation has not allowed that to happen so far. My report would be that things are going better although I know the above maybe doesn't seem like it. But it really is.

 

I feel like we have kind of stalled out due to the crazy schedule. I am thinking of Looney's example of filling the jar with the rocks. The wrong ones have been going in first.

 

I don't want my marriage to accomodate life. I want life to accomodate my marriage. Our life HAS to revolve around our marriage rather than our marriage revolving around our life. If it doesn't, we are just doing time, and it won't get any better. I know it can be better, and I want the best.

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Ya know, I wrote a post quite awhile back on DOING good husband vs. BEING good husband, and danged if I can find it. This is version 2.0 ;)

 

DOING good husband is where all guys are when they first start out. They have a checklist in their heads . . . gotta do this, gotta do that, don't do this, and whatever you do, don't do THAT! Their primary motivation is that they don't want to "get in trouble" with their wife and/or the people in this ministry. Because guys learn from the outside in, they all need to start here.

 

But at some point, if they are going to be successful at healing their wife's heart, they have to make the leap from DOING to BEING. They have to want to BE a good husband. They have to decide that they are doing these things because their wife needs them to feel safe and loved, not to check them off a list. The have to accept the fact that there is a character change within them that needs to happen, and they have to want it to happen.

 

Guys who stay in DOING become angry and resentful, because they are firmly stuck in mother-son. They feel like their wife is their mommy and that this is nothing more than an endless list of stuff they have to do, and that if they step an inch over the line they will be "in trouble". They feel like, no matter what they do, their wife will never be satisfied.

 

I think J. is DOING. He is not at the point where he genuinely wants to do the things you need just because he loves you. Part of him does, but overall he is doing them because he doesn't want you to be angry and/or make him speak up on a conference call. If you guys are going to move forward, he needs to deal with his resentment and decide he wants to BE, not just DO.

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"Some people see things as they are and ask why. I see things as they can be and ask, why not?" - Robert F. Kennedy

 

Looney, does this kind of go along with what you are saying? The DOING guys are stuck in the first sentence of this quote. The BEING guys have moved on into the second sentence.

 

It all comes down to being proactive about seeing that goal and being determined to reach it.

 

With all of the graduations going on, this seems to be a fitting example: If I want to be an electrical engineer, I have to take steps to make that happen. I don't just graduate from high school and land that big bucks job in my chosen field. I have to go on to college for some level of degree, be it associate, bachelors, masters, or phd. Upon signing up for those classes, I have to attend class. I can't just sit in class though; I have to participate in class and do the homework. The grade I receive is totally dependent upon the effort I put into the classes. Do I want to do enough to just get a passing grade, or do I want to strive to have that 4.0? The 4.0 is going to take a lot of dedicated work. It is well worth it, but I have to want it badly enough to commit to the demands of the process. If I don't push myself, I won't make the 4.0.

 

Bringing this home: I want the OHM. Am I willing to do the dedicated work to get there? Or am I one of the "fraternity boys" just going to school to have a good time? Am I dedicated to push myself to achieve that 4.0? When we have that determination of obtaining that 4.0, we won't let anything stand in our way. We will make any changes we need to make.

 

So, if I need to change my character.....I actively make steps to change it. I don't accept that "this is just the way I am." If I need to change my behavior....I change it. The alcoholic can moan and groan all day about the destruction in his life brought on by the alcohol, but until he throws away the alcohol......nothing changes. After he throws it away, then he has to actively rebuild what he destroyed. He can't just sit back in his easy chair and say, "Well, I'm not drinking anymore. Isn't that enough?" No, it isn't enough. He has to clean himself up. He has to get a job. He has to pay the delinquent bills. He has to be there for his family. (This is merely an example and not intended to insinuate that we are dealing with any of these issues.)

 

The point is, we have to identify a problem area and fix it. Then we identify another one and fix it. It will be a continual process probably until Jesus comes because that is just how imperfect humans are.

 

So tying Kennedy's words with Looney's post, when the guy sees that he wants the OHM and asks why he doesn't have it, he should get the answer that he needs to make a change in himself. That change has to be a matter of character. When we do things for the sake of DOING it is easy to get sidetracked. When we do things because that is who we are (BEING), it is a whole different picture.

 

One of the wildfires I had to put out involved the boys' bathroom. Right, wrong, or indifferent (and I personally believe wrong), #4 son was ordered, by #1 son and backed by J, to clean the bathroom. Son giving orders was not right, and son only there on weekends being fully responsible for bathroom cleaning was not right. I did uphold the order and requested he clean the bathroom. Perhaps I should not have, but there were other factors involved as well.

 

I, however, did not let him stomp off with a bad attitude and resentment over having to clean the bathroom at his brother's order. I explained (again) that EVERYTHING we do, we do as unto the Lord. He was to clean the bathroom out of love and service for the Lord. I explained that there are times that it is very difficult to do things for people that have not treated us right. There are times that we should not do things for people because they have not treated us right. The bathroom, however, did need cleaned. It needed cleaned for everyone that uses that bathroom (himself included). Therefore, he was NOT cleaning it for the brother that was being a complete jerk. It was for everyone concerned, and mostly for Jesus.

 

So he needed a "character adjustment" to be able to do the task with a proper attitude. He needs to BE that person that does things as unto the Lord.

 

The Proverbs 31 woman's husband is "known in the gates." Why???? Because of his character! Because of his integrity! He sits among the elders. He didn't get that position by just DOING things to DO them. He got there by BEING that man that the Lord will bless.

 

DOING is from the flesh. BEING is from the heart!

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Well, we survived the weekend. I am so tired of feeling the tension simmering under the surface. Late Sunday night I logged in on my phone and read the responses. They really encouraged me. Thank you! J had made a reference to my post, and I got the idea that there was a response.

 

So this was the catapult for our late night discussion that followed. The afternoon hadn't gone very well. He felt I was having a pity party. I was, however, pleading for a connection in our relationship in other areas in addition to the physical.

 

This is what God gave me: I got my notebook out and drew a very rough circle. Then I divided it very crudely into thirds. In the three sections I wrote Spirit, Soul, and Body. Then I added God, Mind, and Physical respectively. The Body/Physical section is very self-explanatory. The biggest thing that falls into this is sex. The DOING deeds fall in here too. As we move into the other section, the mix becomes interesting.

 

The Spirit/God section, of course, contains the things concerning God: Bible reading, praying, etc.

 

The Soul/Mind section embraces all those conversation times and deals with emotions.

 

Now, each person as an individual is made up of all three parts. A marriage creates another entity that is also made up of these three parts.

 

Scripture tells us that the flesh is at war with the Spirit. We are to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Paul tells of doing the things that he would not do and not doing the things that he would do.

 

It is very easy to see that the Spirit and Body sections are the ones that are at war. So our Soul/Mind section is the referee or umpire that calls the shots.

 

God is constantly drawing us to live according to His Word. Our Body is constantly trying to get us to do what feels good to ME!!!!!! Our Soul has to decide who wins.

 

God is a God of balance. If the Body tries to take more that its share of that circle, there will be problems.

 

Bringing this home, we can have a great physical relationship, but if the Spirit and Soul sections of our relationship are not getting equal share, they are suffering.

 

The really interesting thing about this is that the Body wants say great sex. So the Body pushes for a physical relationship. If, however, the Body would give up its greedy ways of having more than its share of the circle and allow the Spirit and Soul to have their shares, that "great sex" becomes some really awesome "lovemaking." It transforms because it died to self and "decreased so that God could increase" and breathe life into the individual and the marriage.

 

J seemed to understand this. Now it's just putting it into practice.

 

Here is an example from our family to bring home the idea of the DOING and BEING. When we have dinners at church there is always the cleanup time and taking the tables and chairs down and storing them in the closet. I have noticed before that other boys would be asked to do this, and they might help a little. Ususally, it is that my guys (and girls too) just jump right in and have it all taken care of in very little time. Why? Because that is who we are! Why did we have problems with sitting back not doing anything in the church when changing churches? Because WHO we ARE requires us to be "busy at our Father's house!" We are GIVERS not TAKERS! We do these things out of our very nature that we have developed into what it is. It is our character.

 

After the last night of "Heaven's Gates/Hell's Flames" all of the set and the chairs needed taken down. The cast was expected to help on the set. The custodians could have done the chairs, but the cast thought the Christian thing to do was to take care of it. The last night is when our family that was not in the cast attended. They all helped take down the set and the chairs! That is WHO we ARE. That is BEING! They didn't have to help at all. They chose to do it because of who they are!

 

Monday was a little better.

 

The question is: What do you want to be known for? Do everything within your power to BE that! Soon the "forced actions" are "habits" and it is who you are then.

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I really don't know where I am in the scheme of things right now. Late yesterday afternoon I could feel myself retreating within. I was very glad that it was about time for J to be off, and he would be home soon. Shortly after, he called and said he was off but needed to load up some pipe he was getting to bring home for our gas line. He was using the company truck and would need to take it back after bringing the pipe home. And, of course, I could not go with him for insurance purposes. I understand all that.

 

Supper was on the table when he got back. We ate; #4 son helped me with the dishes; #5 son helped J outside. My feeling kept getting worse.

 

J and I were sitting on the couch, and #4 son asked about watching a video before going to bed. I said he would have to ask J....maybe he had something else more important to do. So he asked and got no response. For point of reference here, we had not had our Bible study time yet. I did not want to say it directly to give J the opportunity to think about that and say that we would do Bible study.

 

He had initiated Bible study the previous night. He knows what to do.

 

Last night, I pointed out a couple of times that he had been asked a question. He was just so self-absorbed in the pictures (of me!!!) on his phone that nothing else mattered. I finally told son to watch it.....we didn't have anything better to do. Bible study never happened.

 

I am so drained from trying to move this marriage forward by myself. Things were going really well. I don't know what happened.

 

Over the weekend, I told J that I felt like throwing my Bible away. If it is not important enough for him to bring our family together for, not important enough to bring us together for, I must not need it! Well, I know better than that. I still have my Bible. I could never throw God away. This obviously would have been an extreme demonstration to make a point.

 

Here is what I see. He never had time to "work on our marriage" because of the travel time. Guess what! We got rid of the travel time, and he still doesn't have time.

 

I feel like I am at the point of having to resign myself to the fact that we will never have any more than what we had in our early years. The truth of that though is that we can never even have that now. Since I know that the way it was before is not the right way, I am not content to be in that position. This really has nothing to do with the road that he chose to go down....sort of. I do recognize that the shallow physical substance of our marriage before paved the way for his trip. If we settle for the physical relationship again, what is to keep it from happening again????? Even in our early years, I cried out for more than just the physical element. I enjoy the physical, but if that is all we have it is far short of what God has for us.

 

I mentioned about how some people recognize that they are sinners and need to come to God.......but they have to clean themselves up first because they are too dirty. As Christians, we all know this idea just doesn't hold water. I feel like he has to get every other aspect of his life just so so before he can work on our marriage. That doesn't hold water either.

 

In our old marriage, I had resigned myself to living day in and day out just biding my time until he retires......and then we could have a good marriage. I refuse to do that.

 

I have considered the idea of pouring myself into the physical side of this marriage and trying to live without the rest. But that puts me back into the old marriage, and we know what I got out of that idea. Or maybe I pour myself into the physical side and try to get the rest met some other way? That doesn't sound like a good, productive option.

 

J, I am dying here! I want our marriage. I want you to be that holy man of God. I cannot make that happen. YOU have to get active about BEING that man.

 

I need your prayers for me, but could you add this element to your prayers: Lord, show me how, help me to become that source of life and strength for my wife. Show me how to bless my wife. Show me how to bring healing to my wife. Show me how to keep my wife out of the dark places in her mind. Show me how to bring peace to my wife's heart.

 

You see, God uses PEOPLE to bring about the answers to our prayers. You pray for God to do all these things for me, and that is great. But then you walk out the door and think your job is done. It's not. HE answers YOUR prayers for ME through YOU!!!!! Next to my salvation, YOU are supposed to be the biggest blessing I have.

 

You were doing so great. I was getting so used to your blessing me and moving forward that I was expecting it because that is who you were becoming. There is that BEING again! What happened?

 

Have you tired of me? Have you decided the prize (OHM) is not worth the work? I think the answer to these questions is NO. The point is that you have backed off to the point that the questions have come up in my mind. That is not good.

 

This is soul searching time here. What do you want out of our marriage? It is time for you to actively pursue BEING that holy man of God that is RACING to obtain that OHM! It will never happen if we sit back and wait for everything to be just so so to work on it. The devil does not want us to have this. He will always make sure there is at least one obstacle in the way. BE my holy man of GOD husband and put him in his place and BE determined to fight for us!

 

I love YOU! I need YOU to breathe the breath of life into me and into our marriage. And then I need a constant supply of that.

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I thought I should check in.

 

The weekend was a little better. The guys were supposed to go on a campout, but it was rained out. We are having a graduation party on Saturday, and there is a lot of cleanup (inside and outside) to do. We did what we could over the weekend. The rest is up to the kids to get done. We left the younger ones home with the older ones so they can work together (HA HA) and get it done.

 

I had a call yesterday that one of them wasn't helping.... turns out that he actually was, just not where the other said to do. I don't know how to oversee things there when I am here. It just doesn't work.

 

It was almost midnight when we got in Sunday night. We were able to talk some on the way. I had had a stressful time at church and on the way home. I was able to unload all of that. His response was that when we got in he would unload the car, and I was to run a bubble bath and relax. At midnight???

 

He insisted, and it was very nice! I'm sure that special treatment was what prompted my spending most of the afternoon in supper prep. Then the disappointment of his being two hours late. I ate alone. He got home and ate. Then he turned the whole night around. He was awesome.

 

His move that we watched the "mother-son issue" DVD. He questioned how it applied to him. We had a wonderful night.

 

I took him to work yesterday as I needed the car to meet #2 daughter for an MRI on her wrist. We talked some about the mother-son issue on the way. He saw how he had refused to meet my need that he knew I had. Again, he tried to put the blame for the need on me because I didn't tell him. I didn't accept that and pointed out that I had told him .... several times. He finally saw it and apologized.

 

I picked him up from work. We had leftovers for supper so it was quick and easy. Then he called #1 daughter at her request through text. I started on the dishes. He reported this part of the conversation to me. He apparently had told her that I was doing the dishes, and he needed to help me. She suggested that she could talk some more, and I would be done with them. He said that would be a possibility, but that it wouldn't be the right thing to do! WOW! This may be silly, but that is HUGE for me. I seem to have to keep reminding him that one big way to bless me is to help with the dishes. He seems to be okay with passing that task off to the kids when they are here. It just isn't the same. So he got off the phone and helped with the dishes! A great BIG THANK YOU, J!

 

After dishes, we went for a walk around town. By the time we made it to bed, we were both thoroughly exhausted.

 

I wonder what tonight will bring?

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Thanks MJ.

 

Last night, J left work on time and came home and mowed the yard while I got supper ready. Shower and dishes .....

 

Then we went shopping. This was a really big step for me. I had texted him earlier in the day about the possibility of shopping. The big thing here is that in the past he has tried to get me to shop for sexy things .... on his timetable. Unfortunately, this usually was while I was grocery shopping or whatever, and the two didn't fit together. Plus, and this is the real biggie, I didn't feel sexy, and I felt that the physical side of the relationship was all he cared about.

 

Well, I still think that was all he cared about before. This has got to be the first time since I don't remember when, that I wanted to go shopping.

 

J, you must be doing something right on transforming the doing to being! I am feeling that life being breathed back into me. Keep up the good work.

 

Another big thing here is that the only problem with going shopping was that it did not leave time to watch a DVD!

 

And, yes, I do think you are pretty awesome. Just so you know. No, you haven't "arrived" yet. Who has? The point is that you are making forward progression.

 

Oh, unfortunately your Father's Day present won't ship until July. I hope you like it! :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm sure that at some point in time if I look back through my journal I am going to wonder what happened in the time since my last post.

 

I really feel like maybe I dropped off the face of the earth....or maybe just wish that I had.

 

As I recall, the night of the last post went well (Thursday), but Friday was not as good as it could have been. It just seems like junk hits on Friday to put a damper on the weekend. I think we even commented on that.

 

The next week, the four youngest were with us most of the week and left on Thursday. #2 son came on Thursday and left Friday. J was a bit disappointed that all of our sons were gone as he wanted their help on running the gas line. Consequently, I volunteered for service in fighting the jungle of the crawl space. It was dirty work, but it was fun to work together on the project.

 

It was almost 11pm when we emerged from there so we stayed the night and went home on Saturday. J took me out for breakfast, and we were just enjoying a slow-paced morning.

 

Before getting home, I had at least two calls from home wondering when we would be home....they had no food. Well, of course, that was an exaggeration on their part. Tell me why three people with driver's licenses, with three running vehicles on the property, and three credit cards......are out of food????? I have invested a lot of time into training our children to be self-sufficient, and this is what I get? We were both very frustrated over this.

 

J was on vacation last week. We and the four youngest came up for Monday night and they finished running the gas line....now we just need to get the stove up here. He spent pretty much the rest of the week working on vehicles, mainly my van.....the a/c works again!, and it has a new radiator. He did get a couple of fishing trips in which was good. There was to be another, but the rain kind of stopped that one. He had a few other projects on his list that he ran out of time for. (mainly because of the van which was really very demanding on his time).

 

The big thing about the week was our Bible study times. They didn't happen every night but were more regular than usual....and at his initiating. He also made several references to BEING vs. DOING! He also has been back to reading a book from the reading list.....it had been misplaced in the move.

 

I really feel like I have been wandering through the desert. I've hardly had my computer out at all.

 

Here is a comparison that God gave me a couple of weekends ago in relation to the balance of Spirit/Soul/Body. J really likes the passionate LM sessions....and so he should (I do too). When he does his "J&K homework", it is ML to my Spirit and Soul. When he says that he doesn't have time to fit the reading into his schedule, he is telling me that he doesn't have time to ML to my spirit and soul....10 minutes a day for the homework assignment! Am I not worth the time? A physical LM session certainly lasts a lot longer than that. Would he like it if I said I didn't have time?

 

So instead of seeing the homework as a chore or an assignment to be dreaded because it takes time away from other things, look at it as ML to your wife in ways that touch her spirit and soul. He seemed to understand this analogy and has implemented it. I'm putting it here on the chance it can help someone else.

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Here is a comparison that God gave me a couple of weekends ago in relation to the balance of Spirit/Soul/Body. J really likes the passionate LM sessions....and so he should (I do too). When he does his "J&K homework", it is ML to my Spirit and Soul. When he says that he doesn't have time to fit the reading into his schedule, he is telling me that he doesn't have time to ML to my spirit and soul....10 minutes a day for the homework assignment! Am I not worth the time? A physical LM session certainly lasts a lot longer than that. Would he like it if I said I didn't have time?

 

So instead of seeing the homework as a chore or an assignment to be dreaded because it takes time away from other things, look at it as ML to your wife in ways that touch her spirit and soul. He seemed to understand this analogy and has implemented it. I'm putting it here on the chance it can help someone else.

 

This helps me! A beautiful analogy!

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Thank you 4evr....HIS words. It is so refreshing to hear from Him and get new ways of explaining things that actually hit home. I had never looked at it that way before. It was always just that something was missing in our relationship, and I needed more than just the physical side. I'm glad it helps you, too.

 

The kids and I are going home today to order next years school books at a hotel meeting near home. I will come back, and J and I will have the evening to ourselves. Next week will be a short work week so will probably let the kids stay at home then too.

 

It is really hard to leave them at home because I know they need parental time and supervision; older siblings just aren't the same. I miss them when they aren't around too. At the same time, it is really nice to have the time for the two of us to concentrate on building our relationship the way it should have been done in the first place.

 

God's blessings to everyone here. Thank you for being here and giving of your time to help others find His way for marriage. You are truly a Godsend.

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Herein is why I don't go shopping..... part of my order arrived earlier than expected...... and I did not get the response I expected. I could throw it all away. Sometimes I just really don't like my life and feel like trash.

 

Well, I liked the items anyway, and they made me feel good about myself. So there!

 

Welcome to the weekend!

 

Lest anyone think I am going off the deepend, I am not. I am just really bummed out. I'm sure God will pull me out. He is always here for me.

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