MaryJane Posted March 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 We think you do too! You are a very brave lady MJ, and you've come a long way.... no doubt becasue our Lord is WITH you and will STAY with you through each new step. (((hugs)))Oh God! Thank you Dory. I thought I would start with an information session, IYKWIM. Surely that will give me more, uh, something... I think I'll do that even if things were to turn around right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh God! Thank you Dory. I thought I would start with an information session, IYKWIM. Surely that will give me more, uh, something... I think I'll do that even if things were to turn around right away.Information never hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Yeah., never hurts. I'm just about finished doing some laundry for Son 3 (folded previously washed clothes for Son 2, too), then am off to Son 2's workplace to borrow his phone. No land line -- not my style!Then I'll take a change of clothes to Son 2 and visit. Then, I'd better start home, I suppose. (I need a change of clothes, too.) I think I'll stop on the way though and visit Son 1. Might as well, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Joel wrote to MJ and I this e-mail... Hi MJ - I just spoke to Z. He is a dead duck. Please get an attorney, get him out of the home and get as much money as you can possibly get.. and enjoy your life without this man. Dory - would you please put MJ in the private section? We need to ALL support her and URGE her in this direction. Yes - I just spoke to Z. Can you tell? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh my. What an odd feeling. Thank you Dory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_W Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) Ahh. Thanks Dory. You made me smile. --- A little more reporting: We played two games of Scrabble today. I asked Z to read to me from Book 2 before the second game. He did! It was good, too. He read Pages 275 and 276. One part that stood out for him was, "Headship is a powerful concept. It calls on a man to be mature enough to nurture, validate and care for his wife." Over the last two days we've been "making up" nicely. and now:Posted Today, 07:09 PMJoel wrote to MJ and I this e-mail... QuoteHi MJ - I just spoke to Z. He is a dead duck. Please get an attorney, get him out of the home and get as much money as you can possibly get.. and enjoy your life without this man. Dory - would you please put MJ in the private section? We need to ALL support her and URGE her in this direction. Yes - I just spoke to Z. Can you tell? am so sorry that he has chosen NOT TO BE a Christlike HUSBAND -- and progress was being made, then full revert -- PRAY -- fervently - PLAN -- file divorce ASAP due to Z's discussion with JoelPLAY -- enjoy your children as best as you can praying for you, dear heart -- I know this is painful,June of Edited March 3, 2011 by June & Ward Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Based on your actions today, It seems that deep down you knew 'something' was coming. Deep down, I think Z is hoping that someone will stop him from being a baby, 'cause, he can't do it himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Tell me, was this HIM who posted this? http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/971-old-in-pain-causing-pain-to-wife-and-kids/page__view__findpost__p__29144 If so, maybe you could print it and show him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Tell me, was this HIM who posted this? http://joelandkathy.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/971-old-in-pain-causing-pain-to-wife-and-kids/page__view__findpost__p__29144 If so, maybe you could print it and show him.Yes, it was and I thank you for pointing that out. Oh God, I'm just so sad. He WAS doing this. I think it's his old pride or whatever that's unwilling to go all the way. Maybe he can sense that's all I want now -- to go ALL the way to an OHM. I phoned him tonight to say I was staying in the city another night. He almost sounded like the old drinking buddy he visits, the tone of voice and style of speaking. I wonder... He did buy a bottle of something one time when I left. He's VERY angry that Joel told him off today, calling him names. He made sure several times I UNDERSTOOD that he was DONE with this ministry! I eventually said I had to go and hung up. Visited Son 2 tonight and one of the things he said was, he's thankful to have his parents nearby and doing good (his words).. He doesn't know. I dropped Son 2 off at his new girlfriend's house this evening. Met the girl, her parents, and her brother. It was SO obvious, the LOVE flowing back and forth from one to the other and outward toward me! Beautiful! Rare, I think. Son 2 phoned his dad tonight a few hours after Z's conversation with Joel. He didn't tell me the whole conversation clearly, but his dad did tell him about the grabbing-the-phone incident. What a pickle I feel I'm in! I have the feeling that the final straw wasn't really a big enough thing for me to get tough about. It's just that it blew up for me how IMPATIENT he is with almost ALL Christians, churches, etc. He even brought up to me the other day how bad it was (don't remember the exact wording) that I went to church at the nearby Indian reserve a few years ago. That seemed to really bug him. One objection he had at the time was, I was going to bring home some of their evil spirits. (Give me a break.) The meetings were hosted by a pastor he knows and likes, too. Doesn't make sense, except that he wasn't in control of me. I sent an email to a lawyer's office here in Brandon. (The City. There, you know.) Asked for an information appointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Oh dear, I am so sorry. Really, only you can decide if you can't live like this any longer and if you are tired of trying to fix this thing alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) I've had quite a morning. Phoned my sister and told her the whole story. She was wonderful. Reacted exactly right -- indignantly! She didn't even bat an eye when I mentioned the possibility of divorce. (She and her husband are pastors.) I received a reply from a lawyer and he said to feel free to ask questions by email. So that's good. I don't have to be in the city for that. NOW, I've just talked to Z on the phone. He called Son 2 and got me because I've got the son's phone. Z would have been able to tell I was very hesitant to talk. He said something like he didn't know how things would go when I come home and wondered if I knew when I was coming home. He was quiet, calm. Said he still wants to do what he knows to do, meaning what he's learned through the ministry, but still does not want to be "involved" in it. We ended up chatting about Son 3. My sister said I don't deserve this. I gotta go talk to Son 3's doctor. Thanks for putting me here. (Edit for grammar fix.) Edited March 10, 2011 by MaryJane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Said he still wants to do what he knows to do, meaning what he's learned through the ministry, but still does not want to be "involved" in it. He wants to use his WORDS to woo you but he doesn't want to be accountable for his ACTIONS once he ropes you in again. Ugh! I get that! Slippery slippery control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Slippery slippery control.Yes. I could see from this morning's call it could get very tricky emotionally, to separate loving actions from abusive, controlling ones, in my mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Yes. I could see from this morning's call it could get very tricky emotionally, to separate loving actions from abusive, controlling ones, in my mind.That last little vestige of control wants to hang on so tightly. But to us wives it hurts so much that they won't lay it down for our hearts sake. When would we EVER use control to HURT THEM? We don't want the control, we just want them to lay down THEIRS and stop lording it over us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 So, does everybody think I ought to go ahead and divorce? ( Maybe it's been said and I didn't "hear" it.) It seems so unreal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 Joel's words.. Please get an attorney, get him out of the home and get as much money as you can possibly get.. and enjoy your life without this man.My words ... Really, only you can decide if you can't live like this any longer and if you are tired of trying to fix this thing (called your marriage) alone. MJ, Do you think you can help him change without this ministry? If so, then go that route. If not, then move forward with divorce and let us love on you. this ministry is a fork in the road. Soon I will finish editing my private string from Dec 2009 and post it in the ladies private section. Maybe it will inspire you. (editing mostly for real names) Please get on the helpers call tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 I thank you with all my heart, Dory, for your response! After I wrote my last post, I realized Joel HAD said those words. Hard to think and be emotional at the same time. I hope I can get on the call tonight. I'm kind of between towns and phones right now. One more thing: Guess what? I just bought my FIRST cell phone! Didn't get much of a plan. It'll be $0.50/minute to the States. I should go charge it up and just USE it tonight! God bless you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 Ooweeee. We use www.powernetglobal.com for international calls. $.07 to Canada. Glad you'll be on helpers calls. We will be sure to ask for you so to minimize your charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Ooweeee. We use www.powernetglobal.com for international calls. $.07 to Canada. Glad you'll be on helpers calls. We will be sure to ask for you so to minimize your charge.Thanks. I'll keep that company in mind. See if I can get something like it. I'm all set up with my phone and Son 2's computer. :) (Took out a real name.) Edited March 10, 2011 by MaryJane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Choosing Life Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 Mary Jane, I am honestly so sorry to see you in this place. I am glad you have this quiet, private place to let it out and just be here with the rest of us. I totally understand how hard of a decision this is to make. Know that I am praying for you. So many care for you here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Whew... My part (of the helper's call) is over. Quite a bit to swallow. But I've got to. Edited March 7, 2011 by MaryJane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_W Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 dear heart, what do you mean? are you a bit in shock about this? are you willing to take the next step? are you living in any fear at the present? praying for you,June of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Jane Bennett Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm so sorry for all this pain. My heart goes out to you and I'm praying, sweet friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted March 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) Thank you June and Miss Jane! Yes, June, I'm in a bit of shock. I just meant, before, that my part of the conference call was over, and now I have to really get down to business. My oh my. I don't like it, but I don't like the control I feel I'm under at home either. Even though it's not as bad, in a way, as it used to be. Now he's "quit" the ministry, what else can I do? He's not accountable to anybody anywhere else. And he DID threaten to throw the phone in the fire. And we live at the end of a country road. Edited March 4, 2011 by MaryJane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted March 4, 2011 Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 YOU are a REAL CATCH! Just wanted you to know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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