Aim: Get from Intimidation to Intimacy

[Crystal]

What's happened since then? 

 

A bump doesn't mean you have to repack your bag, I think you know that....but I know what you mean.  

 

I'm not afraid of him anymore. I can say that.

 

You're growing!  

 

I have a two-year-old great niece who is adorable.  I picked her up and said to her, "Wow! You're growing so fast!" 

She replied, "Yes I am. Are you?"  

"Yes, I am too." Lol!

 

It's so good to hear from you, I miss your posts. 

 

[Looney_Tunes]

Conversations that never happened ~

 

Blind/sick/lame/whatever person in bible: Jesus, please heal me!

 

Jesus: No, I don't think so. I don't feel like doing that today.

 

Really, Zed?  

[MaryJane]

Thanks Girls!  You made my day!  I'll post more later, but will say this, Z made his apology this morning and we're slowly getting back on track, I think. 

 

He had discontinued our satellite internet service when I was living in The City back in June.  Just tonight I got dial-up with our phone company.  It's cheaper and you don't have to have a three-year contract -- however, it's WAY SLOWER! 

 

Anyhow, I'll try this for awhile.  It's nice to have a keyboard and screen you don't need glasses for, like with the phone.  Also, I'll be able to scan and print again too.  I "need" all the options available.

 

Gotta quit posting and see if I can get my laptop to work with this connection...

 

You girls are the best!

[4evrHZdtr3]

Hey MJ..

I'm sorry I missed this last posting! 

I am so glad you're not afraid anymore! And I am sorry that Z. hurt you like that by refusing to just do something so simple as show affection!  I like your independence!  Hope things are continuing to get better...

[MaryJane]

[4evrHZdtr3]

OK, then.. A slightly good report! It;s encouraging to me to see you speaking up! And doing it without regret!! Yay! for you....

[MaryJane]

[4evrHZdtr3]

ahh... good!!!! 

[Looney_Tunes]

[MaryJane]

Well, guess who is speaking at the church in The City this weekend? Doug Weiss. I figured I might as well come and hear what he has to say. He spoke tonight, will have teaching sessions tomorrow, twice, and is giving his testimony on Sunday morning. I liked what he said tonight. One thing he mentioned was that Woman was not God's final creation. Marriage was. Interesting.

Z chose not to come. He's not being mean and nasty or anything.

We have not had the Bible reading and prayer for a couple of days now. Not that I think that is bad, just that we'll need to keep getting back to it.

Something has been in the back of my mind for the past 3 or 4 weeks because of comments Z made in a couple of incidents. Today, before I left home to come to my little place in The City for the weekend, I put a note for Z on the table. Here is what it said:

My Dear...
I like how things are going between us these days, don't you? I'm feeling so much more relaxed and loved, the more affection you've been giving me. Nice!

There is a suggestion I'd like to make to help make things even better. Would you take some time to consider how you feel about women in general? I know when you got saved, you received deliverance from lust and I've always been grateful for that. It's just that, at times, I feel an undercurrent of something like resentment toward women. It affects me like a bit of rejection because I am one.

I hope you understand.

Love,
...

 

 

[4evrHZdtr3]

I LOVE your tender and loving way of communicating with Z. It's such a nice invitation to him that isn't scolding or condemning. That's good...

 

AND you know, if he chooses to not hear or address this, you will have to speak more forcefully- perhaps louder?

My prayer is that he will initiate discussion on this.

 

And I think you already know this, but people can have very biased attitudes (i.e. racist) without even knowing it- sometimes even their thoughts are good thoughts.. they just are not aware of the undercurrent they carry.

 

Here's a good site to check out:  implicit.harvard.edu/‎

 

It's a little online test that measures our hidden attitudes and biases toward race, gender etc... It's not entirely accurate, but it is helpful.

[MaryJane]

Sounds interesting. I'll take a look at it. Thanks for your post, 4evr!

[MaryJane]

I'll do that test later, 4ever.  Went to the site just now, but thought I'd better get this done first.  Posting is hard work! 

 

The conference was good!  Doug Weiss believes in mutual submission.  He certainly gets after the husbands to do what they need to do!  I just didn't hear him mention the idea of them being the initiators.    On Sunday morning, he changed his message from marriage to a real sermon -- while he was going up the steps to the pulpit!  He preached about getting out of the boat, out of constriction, things like that!  I went up for prayer afterward.  The senior pastor, not Doug Weiss, happened to pray for me and after the good prayer (which I don't remember), he said, "Sometimes the woman has to make a change."  He said his first wife (who was killed in a car accident years ago) told him she was going out ministering with others, etc. no matter what lifestyle he wanted to lead.  He said he was lonely so he got saved!  That's different!

 

Yesterday, I decided to wash a jacket of Zed's, took a couple of objects out of his pocket and set them on the table where he was sitting.  One was my note all folded up.  This means he had been considering how he feels about women in general and whether or not he has resentment against them.

 

So, I asked him.  He said he'd like to go outside for a few minutes to think about how he was going to answer.  Sure! 

 

When he came in he said he thinks he sees male and female people alike, according to their individual style of relating to others.  Therefore, he feels he responds to them according to their personality, not according to their gender.  He used a few more words than that, but I'd say that was the gist.

 

I thanked him for considering my question and for giving me his reply.  I didn't get into any discussion about it all.  I figured just this exercise should help him think twice before he says, "Women, this or women, that."  If it doesn't help, I can bring up the matter again!

 

It was Z's birthday on the 5th (two days ago).  I forgot!  Before I went to The City, I had intended to buy him a card and some little thing.  But I forgot!  That morning, when I was about to leave to come back to the farm, Z phoned and asked me buy a birthday cake to bring home!  Oh of course!  So, he and I celebrated by ourselves that evening.  Then tonight (yesterday's date) two of our sons and one wife came for pizza and cake.  We tested out a new game I had bought for Christmas called, "Loaded Questions".  It passed our test.  I haven't laughed that much for a long time!  We all had some good laughs! 

 

Here's what I think I am doing about my marriage.  I am staying in it.  I am still going to speak up if something hurts.  I am going to keep pointing things out to him as necessary.  I am also planning to keep my options open, as in, keeping my little place in The City, and, the lawyer's phone number handy.

 

Also, as the pastor hinted, above, I intend to keep my heart and mind open to hear instructions from the Holy Spirit as to what He may be calling me, personally, to. 

[Looney_Tunes]

::clap

 

I like your plan. You're coming from a position of strength. You know what you will and will not tolerate, and you've got Plan B if Z. crosses a line.

 

I'll just keep praying that you won't need Plan B.

[4evrHZdtr3]

I agree... and of course, the most important part is in your last sentence, Holy Spirit, you are Welcome in this place! 

[MaryJane]

I forgot to write about a serious medical incident that happened last month!  It happened to Zed.  But you know what, I think I'm going to put off writing about it now.  I want to get at my Scrabble games...

 

Anyhow, he's fine and treating me quite well.  And I'm treating him alright too, I think.  He actually officially invited me out for coffee today!  We went to the next town and ended up having supper at the "Chicken Chef". 

 

   
 

[MaryJane]

This is very frustrating.  Twice now, I've had my posting disappear, with the touch of a button!  Okay, I'm trying one more time.

 

Thank you Looney and 4ever for your comments, above. 

 

Well, Zed and I did it again.  We got over a bump!

 

On Friday, I made a very casual comment about two trees in our yard.  TREES, no less!  Zed somehow heard my words as fighting words.  I still don't comprehend that.  Anyhow, I felt verbally slapped down by him.

 

My first reaction when something like this happens is to try to ignore it.  I couldn't sleep Friday night.  By Sunday, I knew I had to let him know.  I know, I wait too long. 

 

Saturday, I went to The City to hear our oldest son sing in a men's choir.  It was very enjoyable.     Z didn't want to go.  He doesn't like being out late at night.    I stayed two nights in my room there, which suited me fine (except for the discomfort in the back of my mind about Z). 

 

Son 2 and new wife were at the choir event as well, and all four of us went out for coffee afterward which was entirely enjoyable!  I'm so blessed with my children!

 

Sunday afternoon, I thought I'd better make myself do the hard thing.  Z had phoned me already to talk that day and I hadn't said "anything".  This time, though, we chatted for awhile, then I said I was looking forward to coming home the next day, but first I had to bring something up so we could really enjoy our "reunion".  He listened while I explained that I had felt slapped down by him, etc.  I do these "pointing out" duties as briefly as possible to get them over with.

 

I asked him to write a little apology for me to read the next day when I got home.  Then I got off the phone.  He tried calling me at 6 PM that evening, but I missed the call.  I would have just arrived at church.  Monday morning he phoned again and apologized very nicely.  He said that was why he had tried to call the night before, to apologize before any more time passed.  He apologized for being sarcastic.  Said he knew at the time that he was getting carried away.  Something like that.

 

I told him I appreciated this very much and that I'd be able to concentrate on the road much better now, as I drove home. 

 

It's SO hard to make myself deal with these things, but SO rewarding in the end! 
 

[MaryJane]

Now, here's the medical incident from awhile ago:

 

October 10th, 2013, Zed and I arrived home from our trip out west about 6 in the evening.   Twenty-four hours later, October 11th, he said he felt a little nauseous and vomited some.  Then he felt weak.  Then he appeared to get weaker and weaker.  I told him to sit down!  (Don't normally TELL him what to do!) 

 

He sat down, his hands on his lap.  I looked at his face and realized it was GRAY!  I have never in all my born days seen anybody's face gray like that!  His head was bowed and he was just making slight little grunts, not responding verbally at all.  I noticed his forehead was in a cold sweat.  Then his right arm slid off his lap and just hung down.  I thought, "STROKE!"  I lifted up his arm and lowered it over his lap again.  It flopped down.

 

I thought, again, "Stroke!  And he's dying too!  Sitting up!" 
 

So, I decided I wasn't going to fool around, I was going to call 911.  We were in our little bathroom on the main floor without a phone.  I propped him up squarely on the the toilet seat to try to make sure he wouldn’t fall off.  I told him not to move (even though he wasn't responding), and whipped around the corner to get the phone.  I came right back and called the emergency number.  Had 411 in my head and punched 4 first...

 

The ambulance came.  We knew one of the paramedics.  It was nice to see a familiar face come through the door to help.  Ted was responding before I got off the phone with the 911 lady.   He was still kind of weak when he got into the ambulance .  They kept him overnight at the hospital, did some blood work and X-rays in the morning and sent him home.

 

And that's it.  I don't know what that was all about but I still think he was dying sitting there on the toilet seat!  He seems fine.  Perfectly normal.      

[Looney_Tunes]

Praise God he's OK!

 

How scary . . . unfortunately I've seen that gray on way too many tiny little faces. It usually doesn't end well.

[4evrHZdtr3]

WOW! That's a miracle that he recovered. Seems God wants him around a little longer... Asking God for the fulfillment of ALL his plans and calling for Zed!

[MaryJane]

Thanks Girls.  I've seen a few people die in my time but don't remember ever seeing THAT grey colour! Anyway, Zed seems fine. He's treating me reasonably well.

He wrapped a couple of presents for me today...

 

Did you guys notice my second last post, above, about getting over a bump?  (#235) 

It's kind of fun getting ready for Christmas. Not that I enjoy housecleaning, but it does feel good to get some done. Zed has done some vacuuming and I think he will do more if I ask.

 

I've done my usual baking -- only 3 different kinds of goodies.  The only thing is, I want to bake something nice for my newest daughter-in-law to eat. She's on a gluten-free diet. Diets make me uncomfortable. I don't like them. Anyway, she's a sweet girl and, of course, can't help being on a diet! So, I think tomorrow I'm going to get serious about looking up at least one simple recipe online. It will have to call for ingredients I happen to have in the house or that are in our local little grocery store.

I already know how I'm going to keep the turkey gluten-free. She won't starve. And we have popcorn and gluten-free ice cream!

 

Son 4 and wife can't come this year.  We will miss them!

 

Nice chatting with you!

Edited December 21, 2013 by MaryJane

[4evrHZdtr3]

Gluten free can be very challenging. There are gluten free diets for weight loss and gluten free for celiac disease or allergy. Has your DIL told you which it is?

 

I didn't see your post about getting over the bump. I'm sorry.. I am glad you were able to face the issue and work it through. I am glad that you are seeing that you do have to come to Zed - or anyone with whom you have conflict- sooner rather than later.

[MaryJane]

True.

 

It's gluten free for celiac. What an outbreak of this diagnosis there is these days, right?!

[Looney_Tunes]

Actually g- free is not that bad. It's not different for different purposes, although the current fad of going g-free for weight loss is doubtful at best. But g-free is g-free. Baking is only challenging until you understand what gluten does in a recipe and how to make up for it.

 

If you need some help, call me.

[4evrHZdtr3]

I know it's the same, but to me if you are going gluten free to lose weight vs. going gluten free to stay free from a dozen terrible symptoms and chronic disease, the importance and motivation for it rises.