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Thanks Rebuilding Trust! The only trouble is, he DID do it again -- worse! Here's my last post on the previous page:

 

Gotta be quick... Gonna do point form.

 

1. Yesterday, Ted decided not to go to church, even though he had told someone the day before that we would be going. He said it was too hot yesterday. (86 F.)

 

2. I had a good time with my friend yesterday. I missed church but saw her. She lent me a bathing suit and we celebrated Canada Day in a beautiful new swimming pool in her town. When I came home, Z and I talked. Turns out he resents being forced by me and this ministry to GIVE UP half the farm.

 

3. He also believes he should have the right to be grouchy with me whenever he feels like it.

 

4. He's not getting on the conference calls anymore.

 

So much for good intentions.

 

---

 

I've been hurtin' all day. Staying away from him. He's smiling at me when he does see me. You'd think all was well or something.

 

I asked him today if he still felt the same way about everything as he did yesterday. He said, "Naw, I was just grouchy yesterday. I was dwelling on that stuff that was simmering beneath the surface, and that's what came out.

 

He said he's tired of pretending. I think he's referring to the phrase "fake it til you make it". I said the hurt from his words is no pretense.

 

He said he's old and dying. I quit talking to him.

 

I've been praying, coming against oppression etc., calling for a splitting and crumbling of the rock and the flint (see above) so life-giving waters of the love of Christ can flow out of him. I've prayed for his eyes to be opened to SEE his marriage!

 

Besides all that, I've been wishing for an excuse to give up, to go my separate way, to quit having to make my wimpy little efforts at help-meeting. I came to the realization today, that the problem all along for these 30 years has been his resentment of me. Right from Day One. Brother! It looks impossible!

 

(Still, I feel a little better having spilled all this out here right now...) ;)

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OK, I'm home. At 8:45 PM Z was already in bed. Pretty normal for these days.

 

The weather site says, "SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WATCH IN EFFECT Temperature 77 F. Feels like: 90".

 

Here's the letter:

 

Dear Zed,

 

I love you.

 

I think this may be the most important letter I've ever written to you. I hope you will read it carefully and with the Holy Spirit's inspiration.

 

The goal of it is to help you let go of the underlying resentment of me that seems to plague us.

 

When you met me I was a grown woman, an RN. I had been making my own living for 12 years. I was used to making life-altering decisions and coming and going every day as I pleased. I had recently been considering getting into real estate to some degree.

 

Of course, I always had the desire to get married and have children. I thought it would be fascinating to have an intimate relationship with a man in marriage. I very much wanted children. AND, I was interested in finding out what "lovemaking" was like!

 

As I've told you before, the first reason why I decided to say Yes to your proposal of marriage, was because of your dramatic conversion experience. I felt sure that since God had completely changed your life, as you described, you would certainly not go back to the world and we could live for the Lord together. And you haven't "gone back to the world"!

 

Another reason was that I saw you as a good down-to-earth person with whom I would feel at ease.

 

The third main reason was, of course, I was sure you were all for sex in marriage. Suited me!

 

So, we married! I left family, friends, carreer, lifestyle, everything and everybody familiar, and came out here, 1500 miles from home, to the farm at the end of the road. I found myself entering the house of a man I hardly knew, who hardly knew me.

 

Suddenly I felt like I did when I was 12 years old and supposed to clean my room and a few other rooms, bake cookies, help with the washing, do dishes, help look after the younger ones, pull weeds, etc. I wasn't sure I could handle the farm wife position very well at all.

 

Neither did you.

 

I needed your encouragement that I could do this. I had every intention of helping you in every way possible!

 

However, neither one of us really knew how to be married. It seemed like almost everything about me irritated you, especially my lack of knowledge about farming and the fact that I was raised in a very different environment from yourself. The two things I could never change!

 

I know you have apologized for a lot of things and I definitely appreciate it. I feel like I just need to mention some of this to try to get the overall picture right.

 

A big change for me was NO money! I had to wait for you to give me some for groceries. Other than that, money seemed to be off limits. Anyway, I didn't WANT to spend your money unnecessarily. I wanted to be a thrifty wife. I didn't buy anything for myself if I could help it. (Things have changed in that area -- with your encouragement! I'm smiling about that! ) ;)

 

For a few years you gave me a certain amount every month to work with. That, I could handle! It was a good system, I thought. Later, we were somehow back to my having to ask, and you getting to say, "I thought I just gave you some." There I was, RN turned beggar. It didn't feel good.

 

I'd go to town once a week for groceries. If it took me a whole hour, you would say, "What took you so long?" Now, I had no life of my own at all! There was no way I could get in the car and drive off the property just for a break. That would take gas money and wear and tear on your vehicle. I wanted to be a good wife to you, anyway. I wanted to do you good and not evil all the days of my life. (from Proverbs 31: 12) Still, it was hard to be so isolated from adult company. None of our Christian friends lived within local calling distance, either.

 

After 25 years or so, and definitely some good times, we found Joel and Kathy's ministry. I could hardly believe there were people out there who actually believed that a wife was just as important as a husband! That the two were meant to live life as PARTNERS! That they should treat each other with respect and kindness. That one didn't have authority over the other one!

 

That the Bible meant what it said, that the husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it!

 

Zed, I gave you everything I had -- my whole self, body, mind, and even spirit, in a way. You almost became larger than God to me.

 

---

 

I'm trying to point out why I think I don't owe you anything. Marriage ought to be a complete partnership, right?

 

You paid off my tin can of a car when we got married, I know. It was $600 or less. I didn't like getting married owing you money, but you insisted. A few months later my $1100 certificate came due and the debt was paid!

 

Any money I've ever received on my own, ended up going for household or farm use. For example, the $29,000 from my parents' estate and the $10,000 from Aunt M's estate.

 

A few years ago, I wrote a letter and talked on the phone to the CAIS people to help you get the $4,000 that was otherwise going to be denied.

 

I've cooked and cleaned, kept a garden, preserved food, had four sons, cared for them, and helped you with the farming some. If you had treated me more kindly out in the field I would have stayed at it longer and with more enthusiasm.

 

By the time we got to the intensive, I was heartsick, because you were SO dissatisfied with me! And I was still a beggar in your house.

 

Somehow, I got the outrageous idea that it would be wonderful to have my name on the land titles along with yours. Joel and Kathy agreed.

 

Zed, I think you should look at it like this. You were not forced to GIVE UP half the farm in order to not lose your wife. You got a PARTNER!

 

You got a wife who felt a little more secure, who felt like she was not going to be out in the cold, on the street, in case you got that dissatisfied with her. And after giving her whole life to you, too (almost her life blood, at one point).

 

Zed! You are NOT OUT anything! Please don't resent your partner, the one who loves you and longs for your approval -- me!

 

---

 

Will you give this your consideration and let me know what you think?

 

I still need your touches every single day, no matter how you're feeling!

 

Love,

 

MaryJane

 

 

 

PS

 

That part about not owing him anything doesn't seem quite right. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thank you Ladies!

 

---

 

Here's the final draft which I left for him at 10:30 AM today. Then I went to the next town to get my hair cut and to stay away for a several hours. The parts in red are changes.

 

Dear Z,

 

 

I love you. I'm hurt though.

 

I think this may be the most important letter I've ever written to you. I hope you will read it carefully and with the Holy Spirit's inspiration.

 

The goal of it is to help you let go of the underlying resentment of me that seems to plague us.

The thing that reared its ugly head on Sunday made me reallize that resentment of me has been the problem all along.

 

When you met me I was a grown woman, an RN. I had been making my own living for 12 years. I was used to making life-altering decisions and coming and going every day as I pleased. I had recently been considering getting into real estate to some degree.

 

Of course, I always had the desire to get married and have children. I thought it would be fascinating to have an intimate relationship with a man in marriage. I very much wanted children. AND, I was interested in finding out what "lovemaking" was like!

 

As I've told you before, the first reason why I decided to say Yes to your proposal of marriage, was because of your dramatic conversion experience. I felt sure that since God had completely changed your life, as you described, you would certainly not go back to the world and we could live for the Lord together. And you haven't "gone back to the world"!

 

Another reason was that I saw you as a good down-to-earth person with whom I would feel at ease.

 

The third main reason was, of course, I was sure you were all for sex in marriage. Suited me!

 

So, we married! I left family, friends, carreer, lifestyle, everything and everybody familiar, and came out here, 1500 miles from home, to the farm at the end of the road. I found myself entering the house of a man I hardly knew, who hardly knew me.

 

Suddenly I felt like I did when I was 12 years old and supposed to clean my room and a few other rooms, bake cookies, help with the washing, do dishes, help look after the younger ones, pull weeds, etc. I wasn't sure I could handle the farm wife position very well at all.

 

Neither did you.

 

I needed your encouragement that I could do this. I had every intention of helping you in every way possible!

 

However, neither one of us really knew how to be married. It seemed like almost everything about me irritated you, especially my lack of knowledge about farming and the fact that I was raised in a very different environment from yourself. The two things I could never change!

 

I know you have apologized for a lot of things and I definitely appreciate it. I feel like I just need to mention some of this to try to get the overall picture right.

 

A big change for me was NO money! I had to wait for you to give me some for groceries. Other than that, money seemed to be off limits. Anyway, I didn't WANT to spend your money unnecessarily. I wanted to be a thrifty wife. I didn't buy anything for myself if I could help it. (Things have changed in that area -- with your encouragement! I'm smiling about that! ) ;)

 

For a few years you gave me a certain amount every month to work with. That, I could handle! It was a good system, I thought. Later, we were somehow back to my having to ask, and you getting to say, "I thought I just gave you some." There I was, RN turned beggar. It didn't feel good.

 

I'd go to town once a week for groceries. If it took me a whole hour, you would say, "What took you so long?" Now, I had no life of my own at all! There was no way I could get in the car and drive off the property just for a break. That would take gas money and wear and tear on your vehicle. I wanted to be a good wife to you, anyway. I wanted to do you good and not evil all the days of my life. (from Proverbs 31: 12) Still, it was hard to be so isolated from adult company. None of our Christian friends lived within local calling distance, either.

 

I noticed you were allowed to go for a drive whenever you felt like it... What did that make me? A prisoner?

 

After 25 years or so, and definitely some good times, we found Joel and Kathy's ministry. I could hardly believe there were people out there who actually believed that a wife was just as important as a husband! That the two were meant to live life as PARTNERS! That they should treat each other with respect and kindness. That one didn't have authority over the other one!

 

That the Bible meant what it said, that the husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it!

 

Z, I gave you everything I had -- my whole self, body, mind, and even spirit, in a way. You almost became larger than God to me.

 

---

 

What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I owe you.

 

You paid off my tin can of a car when we got married, I know. It was $600 or less. I didn't like getting married owing you money, but you insisted. A few months later my $1100 certificate came due and the debt was paid!

Please do not bring that up to me again.

 

Any money I've ever received on my own, ended up going for household or farm use. For example, the $29,000 from my parents' estate and the $10,000 from Aunt M's estate.

 

A few years ago, I wrote a letter and talked on the phone to the CAIS people to help you get the $4,000 that was otherwise going to be denied.

 

I've cooked and cleaned, kept a garden, preserved food, had four sons, cared for them, and helped you with the farming some. If you had treated me more kindly out in the field I would have stayed at it longer and with more enthusiasm.

 

By the time we got to the intensive, I was heartsick, because you were SO dissatisfied with me! And I was still a beggar in your house.

 

Somehow, I got the outrageous idea that it would be wonderful to have my name on the land titles along with yours. Joel and Kathy agreed.

 

Z, I think you should look at it like this. You were not forced to GIVE UP half the farm. You got a PARTNER!

 

You got a wife who felt a little more secure, who felt like she was not going to be out in the cold, on the street, in case you got that dissatisfied with her. And after giving her whole life to you, too (almost her life blood, at one point).

 

Z! You are NOT OUT anything!

 

---

 

Somehow I misunderstood that I agreed to pay W's total bill. It shocked me that you thought I should. It's not the money that bothers me about that. I'll pay it if you think it's fair. I haven't been keeping track. It's just that I thought we agreed to divide the dollar amounts equally between us.

 

When you said you haven't been paid for your work, that hit me. I thought you were doing it to save US money. I did what work I could, don't you think? The tiling and painting and a few other little jobs.

 

I've been very thankful, and told people, how you did all that stressful plumbing and other work and I've been wanting to somehow make you know how much I appreciated it. I didn't know you were doing it with resentment in your heart.

 

I can NOT live with this resentment any longer!

 

---

 

As for giving up half the farm, I think it would be better to look at what you have GAINED in life. You've gained four sons and two daughters-in-law (so far) who love to come out here and enjoy each other's company on this half-section of land and in thsi fine big old house -- which you still own! (Along with your wife, of course.) And you're in the process of gaining me back.

 

I don't know what else to say, Z. Maybe this, please do whatever you have to to get rid of that awful resentment that simmers inside and comes out when you aren't feeling totally up.

 

I still need your touches every single day, no matter how you're feeling!

 

O God, help us!

 

Love,

 

MaryJane

 

Edited by MaryJane
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Here are some results:

 

I phoned at 5:30 PM or so. He said he already knew "all that" (which I had written). The only thing he didn't understand was the word "love" where I had said, "I love you. I'm hurt though."

 

I didn't try to explain.

 

I said I'd be home sort of soon. He said, "I'll be here."

 

---

 

Then I got on the helpers call before I came home. Joel said Z should have stayed on the men's calls a lot longer. He suggested I ask him to get back on them as a way of helping me get over this blow. I agreed.

 

They also said to ask him to get on the couples's call tonight.

 

When I got home, I saw Z was lying on the couch watching TV. He looked at me, I think, but it's hard to tell from the kitchen door. After 10 minutes or so, we met in the kitchen. I said, according to how he has asked me to put it, "Let's get on the call tonight, shall we?"

 

He said, "My head's aching NOW... So, no thanks."

 

I remained calm.

 

Looking at the mail I had brought home, Z said, "Here's a bill for an electric box you can pay for if you like."

 

I said, "Hm."

 

In a few minutes, as he was heading up to bed, Z said, "Have a good one."

 

There you have it.

 

---

 

I intend to bring up getting back on the men's calls in the morning. He's at his "best" in the mornings.

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Beautiful letter, but as you already know, it's more explaining of things he already knows. It's one of our hardest lessons as wives of passive guys. Re-read LRH's response on my thread, written on June 12. Z's ultimately responsible for giving you "the wrong response" to the letter, but I was wondering when I read it if it was a case of "over-explaining". He knows what you need and he knows what he needs to do. He has known it for a very long time.

He holds your precious heart in his big hands. I am praying that things are going WAY better this morning.

 

Get on the men's call, Z!!

 

I love the brief witty little note from about a month ago, "I'm dying here on the shelf." You're brilliant with words!!! (I know 'cause you're always killin me at Scrabble! ;-) )

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Ha ha, Crystal! The word "always" doesn't quite fit, you know! It's fun just trying to keep up with you in Scrabble!

 

---

 

You know, that letter has turned out to be the big vent I never had! I have such an awful time trying to explain myself orally -- especially under DURESS! Z even purposely tried to goad me into venting after our intensive because he knew I was supposed to. I just said a bunch of weak little words over and over. All I wanted to do, at the time, was get out of the room or fade into the wall.

 

I think it will be good for both Z and me to have all that stuff laid out before us in black and white. Makes it seem more real.

 

---

 

Guess what! Z signed up for the men's calls at about 6:30 PM! He had been trying all day to get back on track. He apologized, he got down on his knees saying he was repenting (I had to laugh) :rotfl: , he gave me touches and compliments. I responded warmly within reason. BUT I was not having sex with him tonight until I knew he was going to do the men's calls. He knew it too. ( Because of Sunday's crash it's been 8 days -- and nights...) :rolleyes:

 

Tomorrow -- on to the men's call for my Z!

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Thanks for the encouragement Faithworks!

 

---

 

Well, Z got on the men's call on Saturday. He spoke up to say he was on and would be for an hour. And that was his limit. Then he went for his nap. Those naps bug me sometimes. They're more important than life itself it seems at times. It's not because he's 67 years old either. He had to lie down after his noon meal even at 37 -- when he was wooing me! Oh he'll miss them when we're driving or he has some necessary appointment, but it's pretty nervy of people and appointments to interfere!

 

Anyway, he did his duty that day. Today we went to a youth-type camp windup that our oldest son has been involved since he was about 14. He's 29 now. Several people came up to me and said, "Thank you for J." and then told me what all they like about him. It was pretty rewarding.

 

---

 

It's bothering me that Z hasn't apparently changed his mind about my paying all of W's bill for electrical and other work done. I'm going to have to bring this up tomorrow, I guess. Hopefully, the problem will magically just go away then... Heh, heh.

 

I think he can tell there's something on my mind...

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Hmm, missed a bit of posting.

 

Yesterday I left another note for Z before I left for The City. It requested that he explain so I could understand why he thinks I should pay the whole workman's bill, that we had decided before starting the reno project that we would each pay half of the whole cost.

 

As posted earlier, I figured it was clear why I felt I, personally, shouldn't need to pay for Z's own labour on it, in this roundabout manner.

 

Z phoned me while I was in The City to let me know he would pay his half of the above bill and wouldn't bother to try to explain anything. I appreciated his calling to let me know, but did tell him that I had done plenty of work with no pay over the 30 years.

 

He said he never got paid much for his farming.

 

I said, "At least you got paid." I think this may have registered with him. (This is what I edited in.)

 

 

---

 

So, today, he is being rewarded with some good humour from me. We also spoke, without rancour, about who and how and when to pay W this last small, yet turbulent bill.

 

---

 

BUT I bought a new landline phone and STILL can't get the access codes to work on the conference calls!!!!

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The access codes are working again! Our new phones are nice and shiny, but the old phones as well as the new ones, are ringing in access codes tonight! I don't get it. Oh well, for now we're back in business. (This also happened back in March. I hope it's not going to be a tri-monthly thing.)

 

ZED, suggested getting on the conference call tonight -- to try out the new phone. That was refreshing! We listened for about an hour. It was worthwhile.

 

Let's see, is there anything else? I could talk about Son 2 but don't know if I want to take the time.

 

---

 

Oh well, here goes! He is 27. A nice quiet young man, well liked at work and everywhere. He's quite the artist, went to art college for a year, he's very careful with his finances, and, surprisingly, is now working on becoming an automechanic. He was going with a lovely young girl, sister to Son 3's wife, for over a year. I really like her. Loved her. She has broken off their relationship for good, about 2 weeks ago. I'm almost as distraught as they are, or as I presume they have been. He told us he is trying to keep cheerful.

 

He has read both books but should have been on men's calls or something. The girl is very young, only 19 but I told her I thought it was very mature of her to tell him exactly what was wrong and to not take it! She said he was moody. I also know he said things that hurt. I don't know what he was thinking! I think he thought they were "discussing" their relationship at these times.

 

When I was in The City yesterday, I called the mother and invited her and her two daughters to meet me at Tim Horton's. (We all chose COLD drinks. It was about 93 degrees yesterday!) They came. I was so pleased!

 

It was the first time I've seen the young one since the breakup. She's so sweet and pretty -- and wise. We had a good visit, the four of us women -- my new daughter-in-law (of January '12), her mother, and her sister.

 

On my way home, I began feeling very sentimental and cried for the loss of this young lady in our lives, and for my son who apparently has a lot to learn! I think I had been loving this girl almost like a daughter-in-law for quite awhile. It sounds quite over, though. :cry:

 

We'll all be OK. We've got the Lord and we've got this ministry. ^_^

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Jaya! It's great to hear from you! Can't find your message on my profile yet. The way the forums work has changed lately.

 

Thank you so much for your good wishes. May God bless you with LOTS of good! In Jesus' Name!

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Don't have the energy to write a proper post so will copy notes from my phone:

 

Wed. July 18, 2012

Started at about 6 pm

Zed & I had another upheaval today. He came upstairs to see what he could do to help me.  I've been keeping my distance for a couple of days.  

He seemed surprised when it came out that I'm still feeling hurt from his words of July 1st which revealed that he still resents having to "give up" half the farm to me.  This has come out in little statements that have to do with money, since then.

He said he gave his resentment to God, so it's gone.   He didn't sound un-resentful.

He sounded very unhappy.  Once again he is not going to listen to J&K.   He doesn't see why I can't believe he will "do this" on his own -- without their help.  

I said I can't talk to him.  When I tell him what's bothering me, how his words hurt me, he gets upset.  This ties me up -- if I don't say anything, I hurt.  If I do, His reaction hurts me some more.

I thought he said something aIbout my resentment, wasn't sure so I said, "It's your resentment of me that hurts.  

I was trying to make sure I was being clear.

7:55 pm -- Z just called my cell phone to see if I was going to stay out all night and if I was alright.  I said I was.  He kindly said goodbye and so did I.

11:20pm -- I just noticed that Ted has taken his wedding ring off.  He's never done that before.  It's sitting on top of my note from yesterday which read, "It's the resentment that I can't bear."

My heart has sunk.

 

I need Z's good will!

 

Thurs July 19, 2012 

8:51 AM

Ted's wedding ring is still lying on top of my resentment note.  :(

 

Crystal sent this message to me today:

Spirit says"Lift Mary Jane in prayer".  Requesting courage and protection for your heart.  The Lord is with you n loves you higher than the heavens, deeper than the sea. Refreshing.

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Thank you so much Crystal! Thanks to Kathy too, for encouraging words by text, in spite of an intensive going on! I forgot about that, caught up as I was in my own affairs.

 

Well, I was away for several hours today. Had a dental check up and visited my good friend. She prayed a wonderful prayer for Z and me before I left her house.

 

When I got home around 7:40 PM, Z, surprisingly, came out to the kitchen with a smile to greet me. That's unusual. I know...

 

I didn't feel like getting into any discussion, hadn't slept more than 3 hours last night. However, I figured I'd help meet tonight as much as I could. I had remembered today that I had a calling card in my purse and decided to try it. The access code worked just fine with it! (So, that pretty well proves that something has gone haywire with our long distance service.)

 

I went to the living room where Z was watching TV and said tonight was our night for the conference call. He calmly said he would get on after the show was over. I said OK, having no inclination to "fight".

 

Later, he called to me and said something about getting on the call. We listened together for about 3/4 of an hour. It was good too. For one thing, a wife said plainly that her husband either sells out to do this or the marriage is over. She's at her wit's end. I understood completely how she felt.

 

I expect tomorrow Z and I will have a pretty down-to-earth talk.

 

I was VERY close to making another lawyer's appointment today and this one would not be for information only.

 

Z's wedding ring is still on the shelf, only a little cloth covering it...

 

We shall see.

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Looney, you're a doll! Thank you!

 

---

 

OK, here's the note awaiting me on the kitchen table this morning:

 

Dear MaryJane,

I am sorry I hurt you with resentment over the money. I am also seeing I need to do what you want, when you want not when I want.

Willing to Love,

Zed

 

I thanked him. He could see it touched me. I made one adjustment by saying that my wants are actually my needs. He understood.

 

He mentioned the call last night. It stood out to him that the wife asked for her husband to hold her hand and he said, "But I'm touching your leg!" That point got into the apology note. Nice.

 

He's working on cheering me up today. Touches, gator ride to the creek with hand on my leg, hugs, kisses.

 

I told him what I need now. I said, since we are married every day, it would help me feel better if we did something about our marriage every day. My proposal was since he is on the men's calls twice a week and we are on a couples' call once a week, I'd like us to read from The Books on the other days.

 

10 minutes, from anywhere in the books, and no talking about what we read, necessarily.

 

He agreed. He read from #2 today, aloud, to me.

 

That's how the land lays at this time.

 

Signed,

 

MJ the Cautious

 

;-)

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Well, we're on track -- again!

 

Here's our new schedule:

 

Sunday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Monday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Tuesday -- Men's call for Z

 

Wednesday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Thursday -- couples' conference call

 

Friday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Saturday -- Men's call for Z

 

Z and I both are sticking to this. He is doing it without resistance. I think he is vaguely aware that I know the lawyer's phone number. Plus, he does want to be a good guy...

 

He went forward for prayer at church today. I always like it when he does that. Makes me feel a little more secure or something. Don't know what he talked about to the pastor, but that's OK.

 

Tonight I felt his wedding ring on his finger. Didn't notice when he put it back on. Probably for church. That's alright. I haven't said one word to him about taking it off. Not going to draw attention to such a move! No way!

 

Things have been good since Z wrote the above apology note. It's taking time for me to REALLY warm up in my heart. I'm being cautious, while responding warmly enough...

 

:rolleyes:

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Sunday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Monday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Tuesday -- Men's call for Z

 

Wednesday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Thursday -- couples' conference call

 

Friday -- read books X 10 min.

 

Saturday -- Men's call for Z

 

Bravo!! ::clap I especially love that he's getting on the mens call regularly. He seems to hear things well from men, and that's ok if it equals treating you with respect and love!!

 

So nice to see you posting all over the place again!! You are so good at encouraging!

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Ahh, thanks Crystal!

 

Yes, I haven't had the inner energy to post around much for quite awhile. I do feel like Z and I have found a toe-hold now. It's interesting to me how this new "schedule" seems to have both Z and I feeling more settled down, in a way. Maybe it's because it gives us a definite ACTION to carry out daily, which in turn makes us feel like we're actually getting somewhere!

 

For my part, it's something I feel able to actually insist on, for a change -- which gives me a sense of accomplishment. I have felt uneasy for a long time because I didn't think I had INSISTED according to this marriage ministry's advice enough. I believe those days of uneasiness are over!

 

Z has actually been picking up the book and suggesting we read. It's not all up to me to push! Those are oxytocin moments in themselves!

 

Better go. It's fiddly posting from a phone.

 

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