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Positive things you've done:

1. Ask for help

2. Willing to Read


Positive things you can do:

1. Ask for more help

2. Actually read

3. Begin to realized that Christ died for you ...so you can live a life free from sin and bondage. You can choose to mature past this current state of arrested development into a place where who you are in Christ is all you need. You will no longer seek the affirmations of man...He is your affirmation, He is your portion and cup, He is your salvation, He is your redemmer, He is your healer, He is your source, He is your supplier, He is your defender, He is your peace, He is your love, He is your joy, He is your laughter, He is your life!

4. Become the Christ-like man you were destined to become.


This will be a very valuable period of time for you. Place your trust in Jesus. You will be challenged and pushed beyond what you thought possible. Draw close to Christ...read Wild at Heart!!! You will need God's Strength to successfully navigate these next two months...and when you succeed, you will bring Honor to HIs name! Time to dedicate your the whole of your mind, will, strength, and emotions to doing everything for His glory!


Strength and Honor...



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Hey guys.


I've been here at basic training for a week now. I'm being held up until Friday or Saturday. But I get my phone every so often. I've been able to lean on Him and share the gospel. I wish I knew the right things to say. Last night a kid shared with me that he felt really depressed. I shared with him that leaning on God is really helpful for me. He asked if he could talk to me and I told him he could wake me up if he needed to.

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I was cleaning canteens last night with 2 other soldiers some of the other kids were doing the easiest job while we were sopping wet. I just kept thinking you know if you want to be first you'll be last. This young kid was telling me when he's done he's out of here. He was so mad at the others so I just told him what does it matter what there doing you can only worry about yourself. Then the one girl asked how I could I have such a positive attitude and I said as long as I'm pleasing God nothing else matters. I believed it too. I'm not sure if the other kid heard me or not but at breakfast this morning he asked me if I was a protestant and I said yes. He replied so that's why you have such a positive attitude. I don't say that to boast but I'm feeling like I can finally see God's light shinning through me.

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Hopefully finally shipping tomorrow. If not then Saturday. I'm getting excited.


Sent her a text this morning:

Hoping you have a pleasant day.

She actually came back with:

You too!


She almost never writes anything back so I thought that was encouraging.

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  • 1 month later...

This might hurt

It’s not safe

But I know that I’ve gotta make a change

I don’t care

If I break

At least I’ll be feeling something

‘Cause just ok

Is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life


I don’t wanna go through the motions

I don’t wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking

What if I had given everything?

Instead of going through the motions


No regrets

Not this time

I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love

Make me whole

I think I’m finally feeling something


Take me all the way

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

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  • 1 month later...

Well I made it through BCT. Certainly showed me a lot about myself. I have a long journey ahead. I certainly showed off some of my worst traits there. I said some things I shouldn't have at times. I did some things that probably weren't very Christ like. You know what though? Every time I had the Holy Spirit convicting me. I was able to right some of my mistakes but like I said there is a lot of work to be done.

The first couple weeks there I wasn't in the word as much as I would have liked. That was not good for me. I finally found a church service that I really enjoyed. Then my scripture reading really started taking off and I just couldn't get enough. God's word was really sinking in. I meant another kid out there and we started holding nightly Bible studies. I didn't expect many people to show up but at least one or two people would show up regularly. I remember one night after some really intense training I decided to go in the back and announced that I'd be in the back if anyone wanted to study. That was one of the biggest turn outs we had. It was really amazing to see God working. It also gave me an opportunity to share some of these stories with my kids. I tried to write them as much as I could.

Now I'm getting ready to fly back and Wow! Am I nervous. R offered to pick me up but now my flight got delayed so I may not get in until tomorrow. I chatted with her a few minutes and you know we got along. Aparently as far as I know she's been taking them to my church. I guess she said now that I'm back she doesn't really want to go because she doesn't agree with something (I didn't ask what didn't want to pry) I just told her she was welcome to keep coming if she wanted.

Like I know that the love is gone. But I know that it doesn't make me the world's most awful person. I did what I did and I wouldn't expect her to come back.

I'm realizing I'm missing out on being a parent. Today I contacted a martial arts school and I'm going to start taking the boys. I'm going to start taking a few more college classes. I'm going to finish the work the army started by getting in even better shape. Most importantly I'm going to learn to love the Lord with all my heart mind and soul. I know that God has better things on the horizon and I'm not missing out by feeling sorry for myself.


God bless!


O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

all because we do not carry

everything to God in prayer.

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Got hit with kind of a blow today but I feel I did the right thing. R wanted to talk to me about next weekend. Aparently her boyfriend is coming to town. She wanted to ask me what she thought she should do with the kids. I said I would watch them if she wanted and she was kind of like it doesn't matter either or to her. I guess to me I felt the same way. Don't get me wrong I'd really rather the kids not meet this guy but it's not up to me and I know God will protect them. I just figured she deserves a weekend to herself regardless of how she plans on spending it. I was as curtious as I could be. I imagine there was perhaps a hint of hurt in my voice but I think she was expecting confrontation which didn't happen and she sounded relieved. I admit I was hurt once the phone hung up and I thought my weekend was going to be ruined. But honestly I feel a lot better now and I think the kids and are going to have a blast.

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Kids and I did have a good time. Struggling a little bit emotionally and wasn't really expecting that. Trying to keep my focus on Christ. I know He will see me through this.

We ended up having a good conversation about her bf Saturday morning. As I started earlier he's coming into town next weekend. She wanted to I guess know my opinion on him meeting the kids. I just told her that I would watch them because she needs a break but it's up to her to decide whether or not she wants the kids to meet him. I know I have no control over that. I hope that it was the right thing to do. It felt right. I didn't want to be like you know judgmental about it. I think any sort of comment I could come up with would just sound hypocritical.

Lol actually after I said all of that she said something like you know that's pretty much the right answer. Then on her own she basically said she didn't feel the kids needed another change. I don't think I agreed or disagreed I just let her come to her own conclusion. I'm pretty sure I kept from showing any negative emotions. That and my day went on as planned. Anyone think I could have handled that differently?

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The fact that she gave you a positive response says that you handled the situation well. I don't think there's anything else you needed to say.


It sounds like you did a good job of dying to your own feelings and making the day positive for her and your kids. Nice. :)

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Andrew, it was good to chat with you today. I want to throw something at you. We were talking about standing on the Word of God. I would like to look at something with you. It's all about perspective. Lets look at Phillipians 4:1-7 with a few other verses thrown in, so we understand Paul's perspective.


4 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters,[a] stay true to the Lord. I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work.

Words of Encouragement


2 Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. 3 And I ask you, my true partner,[b] to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life.

4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.




If we look at what Paul was going through, we realize Paul was in chains, imprisoned in Rome. He was really in dire straights, probably much worse then you and I can imagine. Yet regardless of his circumstances, he took he joy in the Lord. We know these two women were struggling in some issue. Yet, Paul is telling them to settle that difference and stay true to the beliefs which they have professed. Its also so important to note, that their names are written in the Book of Life. As is yours. When we look at verse 4, we see how emphatically Paul is stressing where your joy has to come from. And in verse 5, he tells us that we have to "practice" this work the Lord does in us, and show it. Again, stating the obvious, we know Paul was in incredible pain for no other reason then his faith in Christ. Not because of anything he did.



Philippians 1:13


New Living Translation (NLT)

13 For everyone here, including the whole palace guard,[a] knows that I am in chains because of Christ.

17 Those others do not have pure motives as they preach about Christ. They preach with selfish ambition, not sincerely, intending to make my chains more painful to me.


If you meditate on these versus, what Paul is telling us, is that its our perspective that shapes who we are in Christ. I believe this is something you should look at as you go through some of the decisions you are working through. Most importantly...


Verse 6 and 7.


Peace brother.


In His service....TimothyPaul

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Thank you Tim,


I hope for that peace everyday. There are moments when I do actually experience it as well. Maybe that's what Paul means. I know you and others probably experience peace on a different level than I do. I think I just have to know in my heart that those moments will increase more and more as I walk this out.

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She called me honey yesterday... All this time and still that force of habit lol. I'm going to be allright this weekend. I think I'm going to try to find someplace special to take the kids. Next weekend I'm going to go to a seminar on how to coupon. Yeah!!! its fun being a single dad... LOL. I never would have thought I'd have to learn this stuff.

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This is what she wrote today.


is everything good to go for you picking up the kids today? do you have everything you need for them? A suddenly fell in love with Fruit Ninja on the iphone and he's looking forward to playing video games with you and T tonight!


Anyway just wanted to confirm that you were picking them up and you can reach my cell if they need anything


I was going to write something like:


I will have it all taken care of. Have a great weekend! :-)


I'm aprehensive to say have a great weekend because of course I want her to have a great weekend but if its great because of something sinful you know I don't know if that would be appropriate to say. so maybe I should just end with:


Thanks for taking care of them! :-)



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Well I've done all right this weekend so far. My mind has been kept mostly on the kids. Not really too depressed just kind of blah. I'm not sure if we're going to have another discussion about this weekend but if we do I think I'm just going in with the mindset of if you're happy I'm happy. That's kind of what I've been doing lately. So far she's been responding back in kindness so I know that's positive. I do want her to be happy as well. My only worry is that true happiness is found in Christ. I don't want her to get crushed again if this relationship doesn't work out. I'm not sure I want her back bad enough for her to be hurt again. She's been through enough. I feel so conflicted lately. Anyone with a thought?

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R: What is your plan for the kids coming back? 6:18 PM

2 more messages


Me: Tomorrow around 6? Or if you need I can keep them longer. 8:02 PM

Me: Just let me know. 8:02 PM

R: No problem. Just wanted to confirm plans. How are they? 8:03 PM

Me: They are just fine. We all had a great time. :-) I hope you had a nice weekend as well. 8:08 PM


I don't think there is realy much else I could say?

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I havent gotten back on. Were divorced right now. There realy isnt any controversy between us right now. I think I've entered into a new stage where I've kind of accepted everything thats happened. I'm starting to forgive myself too which I think has been helpful. I kind of look at it like she'll always be my wife in my mind and I'll never love anyone else anymore than her but I know eventualy I may have to move on. I'm not currently looking for anything new. I know I still have a lot of improvement I need to make. Plus my kids are so young right now I'm not convinced that a relationship anytime soon would be good for them. I'm just finaly starting to live day by day, trying to buy a house, going back to school (just one class).

I think I finaly understand at least in her mind she tried everything she could to save our marriage and I just want her to be happy. I don't know if being back with me is the right answer for her. I think in her mind she has forgiven me but just can't take the risk of being married to me again and I think I need to respect that. Right now I'm just here if she needs me. I know she knows that too. To some degree she's there for me too and I appreciate that. She knows I love her.


Anyway here's the latest email exchange.




I was thinking of a schedule for the kids and I wondered how this works for you:


Monday overnight: me (after Jiu Jitsu)

Tuesday overnight: you

Wednesday overnight: me (after Jiu Jitsu)

Thursday overnight: me

Friday overnight: you

Saturday day/overnight: me

Sunday day/overnight: you


Does this sound fair? I don’t mind you having to wake them up earlier to take them to my parents or to the nanny because they can rest better at mom’s or my house than at the daycare. I just don’t want them to have to get up really early on the days they have to go to daycare because it’s too hard on them.


This is a tentative schedule I came up with, and I also don’t mind changing it up a little although I’d like to keep them in a good routine once we agree on a schedule that works for both of us. Please send me your input when you get a chance. Thanks.




That sounds very fair Rachel. Could I ask a small favor? I've got an apointment I need to make tommorow night around 6. I thought you were going to have the kids that day. Would you mind maybe getting the kids and then I could pick them up afterwards? If not I may be able to take them with me. Also would it be possible to be sort of flexible on the weekends you know like in case I wanted to plan something fun with the kids? I hope that isnt too much to ask.




Maybe we could alternate Saturdays?




not problem I can keep them tomorrow night. Like I said, I can be a little flexible because we're both going to have things come up, I just want to keep a general schedule. I think alternating Saturdays would be ok too




But I don't plan on going to your church so I won't be taking them there on Sundays, just FYI




Oh no R I wasn't implying that. I just meant maybe every other Saturday they could come over. I could still take them on Sunday as well. I don't want to do anything that your not comfortable with. If your not comfortable I'm not comfortable.




It's ok; but I would still prefer to alternate Saturdays/Sundays so I can have at least one full day with them per week. Make sense?




Complete. I guess I didnt think about that with church and everything. My bad.



End of conversation:


Any takes on the email? I don't think I was too demanding. It just be nice to have the kids on an occasional Saturday (not blaming her it is what it is) don't know if I should sacrifice church for that? I think we've done a good job planning for the kids so far. Also maybe you know if I come up with maybe something fun to do with the kids some weekend she might be willing to let me have them. I guess I can wait and ask.

Edited by ponyboy3399
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Ugh! Why does it hurt so much to go over there? It's like my cryptonite. Sometimes anyways. I guess her friend is going to be staying with her for a while. I guess her friend is getting a divorce. Her husband has been cheating. I don't know the whole story but I very arrogantly said hey at least I didn't do that. She said ya me neither. I realized when I got home what I put her through was far worse. I wasn't sure if I should but I sent her an email and apologized for my arrogance and let her know what I did was far worse. Maybe I should offer to keep the kids for a while. Any thoughts?

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Ended up talking to her on the phone. Had a decent conversation joked a bit. She ended up asking me about my intentions. Actually she said something about how I spend my money was none of her business. She started to say if I were to spend money on a date it was none of her concern. I simply said that she knows I have no intention of that. That's when she asked what my intentions were. I didn't know the best way to answer because I know when I use the word pursuit she gets upset so I got a little tongue tied and said that I still hoped for reconciliation but that she shouldn't feel threatened. She explained that she felt I was trying to insert myself into her life with some of my texts (I sent a couple of texts last week that said like have a great day). I said that weather I was pursuing her or not she's the mother of my kids and I care about her but I said I would no longer text if it made her uncomfortable.

I'm feeling more and more that I need to just back way off for a while and just be a good x husband. I think she needs to see me accept the divorce and move on. Not to someone else but to just give her space. I keep feeling like keeping this ring on is just a slap in her face. I'm wondering if I need to take it off. Any thoughts?

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I'm feeling more and more that I need to just back way off for a while and just be a good x husband.


wrong. look at this line. she wants you to pursue her.


Actually she said something about how I spend my money was none of her business. She started to say if I were to spend money on a date it was none of her concern.


your not hearing her heart - your just listening to the words.



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wrong. look at this line. she wants you to pursue her.


I'm not sure I follow?


your not hearing her heart - your just listening to the words.


I guess what I heard honestly (in her heart at least to some degree) is "It would make it easier for me to move on with my life if my x husband started dating, But lets see if he's willing to stick this out"

but I'm not completely sure that's what she's saying just one possibility. I just am begining to feel like letting her go would give her some healing. Very confusing circumstances right now.

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Well, why not simplify it. If its confusing, your making it confusing. God's message to us is quite simple.





Your not doing this. I could tell you why I know this, but you need to think this through and figure it out.

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