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God Save My Marriage

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It would be really helpful for you to describe your "bottom" or what's broken.. both for you - as you humbly share- and for others to learn from. In writing it out and the thinking behind writing it out, sometimes the answers come more clearly. And you can probably  hope until hell freezes over and you won't make too much progress. Good intentions won't change the problems. You have to make a priority list and start doing the things on it whether you feel like it or not. The top priority should be spending worshipful time w God as often as possible -even if its only two or three minutes here and there throughout the day. Because He is your HEAD (source of life) and you absolutely cannot stand up or start over until you are filled up with Him and his love for you. He is your source of life. You cannot be anybody else's source of life until you have a flow of His spirit and love coming into you every day. So fixing what's broken in you and between you and your wife starts with fixing what's broken between you and God. While you are working on ypour relationship w God you shopuld be doing the 20-20-20-20's and posting in detail here on the forum -as well as getting on the men's calls. You simply cannot do it alone.

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Because He is your HEAD (source of life) and you absolutely cannot stand up or start over until you are filled up with Him and his love for you. He is your source of life. You cannot be anybody else's source of life until you have a flow of His spirit and love coming into you every day. 

So true 4evr.  Passion4one, I highly recommend you get on the men's call.  You can't do this alone and you need to be surround by other men of faith.  I pray you may be encourage by 2 Corinthians 4 today. God never gives up on you - so don't give up on your relationship with him as He will renew you each day.

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  • 1 month later...

Giving up on Him is not the problem I get so discouraged with the blunders that I make that I keep thinking it would be easier to just give up and let her go on with life without having to deal with me.  I have never been good with relationship things.  High school through college I never really grasp the psychology stuff i could read it and memorize it but never put it into real life understanding how it applies.   I have gotten to the point I can sometimes see passing the blame and making excuses from my vast experiences at doing that.  Paul Hedstrom's book made me think a lot but will be a while before I can get back to that book,  it made sense to me at first understanding why I am like I am before he lost me.  Today was not a very good day at doing the things I should do.  I should have been somewhere else today alone locked up away from everyone.  I read some tonight that has gotten me out of the bad place some.  I feel like one of the three stooges walking up an icy hill only to slide back down again...........:(

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A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

---George Bernard Shaw

 

It's a wise man who understands that every day is a new beginning, because boy, how many mistakes do you make in a day? I don't know about you, but I make plenty. You can't turn the clock back, so you have to look ahead.

--Mel Gibson

 

The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.

--Dale Carnegie

 

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

--James Joyce

 

Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.

--Steve Harvey

 

Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

 

A clever man commits no minor blunders.

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

They say President Wilson has blundered. Perhaps he has, but I notice he usually blunders forward.

--Thomas A. Edison

 

Acknowledging your mistakes also has its pluses, but we often don't have trouble recalling or mulling over those. The point is, if you don't acknowledge your successes the same way you acknowledge your mistakes, you're sure to have a memory full of blunders.

--Jack Canfield

 

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.

--Kevyn Aucoin

 

If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.

--William J. Clinton

 

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

---Bruce Lee

 

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If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes.

--John Wooden

 

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping-stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.

--Johnny Cash

 

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

--Oscar Wilde

 

I'm most proud of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me, in my life. He's given me the vision to truly see that you can fall down, but you can still get back up. Hopefully I'll learn from my mistakes and have the opportunity to strengthen and improve the next thing I do.

--Martin Lawrence

 

Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.

--Benjamin Franklin

 

I've been imitated so well I've heard people copy my mistakes.

--Jimi Hendrix

 

If you don't learn from your mistakes, then they become regrets.

--John Cena

 

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field.

--Niels Bohr

 

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.

--William Arthur Ward

 

I know that being seen as a role model means taking responsibility for all my actions. I am human, and of course, sometimes I make mistakes. But I promise that when I fall, I get back up.

--Jennifer Lopez

 

You don't learn from successes; you don't learn from awards; you don't learn from celebrity; you only learn from wounds and scars and mistakes and failures. And that's the truth.

--Jane Fonda

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A couple more resources for you to check out today at http://thriveology.com/4-strategies-for-moving-from-struggle-to-thriving/. Lee Baucom has some great podcasts in addition to his site at http://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/.  You have a lot of tools at your disposal so you decide if you are going to use them and be the change.  God bless you brother.

Edited by ChooseLove
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Giving up on Him is not the problem I get so discouraged with the blunders that I make that I keep thinking it would be easier to just give up and let her go on with life without having to deal with me.  I have never been good with relationship things.  High school through college I never really grasp the psychology stuff i could read it and memorize it but never put it into real life understanding how it applies.   I have gotten to the point I can sometimes see passing the blame and making excuses from my vast experiences at doing that.  Paul Hedstrom's book made me think a lot but will be a while before I can get back to that book,  it made sense to me at first understanding why I am like I am before he lost me.  Today was not a very good day at doing the things I should do.  I should have been somewhere else today alone locked up away from everyone.  I read some tonight that has gotten me out of the bad place some.  I feel like one of the three stooges walking up an icy hill only to slide back down again........... :(

 

Your wife is your HELPMEET. If you walk away from her, who will help you get over yourself? God is calling you to step up NOW and to win her heart back to you. You do this through learning to BE CHRISTLIKE and learning to DIE TO THE OLD YOU so that you can become THE MAN GOD CALLED YOU TO BE and THE MAN OF HER DREAMS. 

 

You think you have it bad now, walk away from this and things can only get worst. Your baggage will follow you into any future relationships and guess what, that baggage just gets heavier and heavier and heavier until you stop to deal with it.

 

Now is the time, not tomorrow. Any woman would rather have you fight for her than to just walk away because you don't want to burden her anymore. BOO HOO! That is just garbage. Your not protecting her by walking away, your protecting yourself!

 

Don't mean to just jump into this conversation and beat you up, guess it hit me wrong today! Hang in there brother and fight the good fight! :)

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Hang in there brother and fight the good fight! :)

We are warriors WITH you brother.  Get on the calls, God WILL equip you.  This may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life...but it is so worth it.  I am a year into this journey myself and I still see the ups and downs but I can tell you it DOES get better as we fully rely on HIm.  God's love is amazing..He never fails and his love for you is limitless.  I pray that you commit your life fully to Him today.

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  • 1 year later...

I guess i had upset her when i had said I wasn't going to win the contest because i am just not one to compete.  And I cant really say I know what changed in me other that just trying to do things to make here happy.  I like to do nice things for her, I know in the past i have done many things to upset here and to keep her from feeling good about herself.  I am committed to saying positive things to her so that it will enable here to make the changes in here life that she wants to make.  I know that she is wanting to lose weight for the upcoming wedding of our daughter so I am trying to do things that will not defeat her efforts.  Although tonight when i ask what she needed as i was leaving work i stopped to get the eggs she wanted and also got a brownie mix that I know she would like.  We worked on dinner together I fixed the chicken and she got the rest of the stuff ready for stir-fry while I did the cooking.  We had a fun time working together getting in a lot of HSKC's as we worked.  I was drying the dishes when call time came but she insisted that I read the forums before getting on the call.  She has hope that I will finally get us to an OHM that she has wanted since the intensive, waiting far to long.   I am not saying there will not be some bumps, we have had discussions on my doing and saying things before I realize what i just did, and getting frustrated with myself for not thinking things through before engaging.  She was upset with me last night because I could not remember what trip I had been looking at for us to get away and as it is turning out there are several things that she has wanted to do that we are going to get to do for our 35 wedding anniversary, train trip, a boat trip and getting to see New Orleans.  I guess God is good because I have no idea why  that idea popped into my mind. I had been trying to get ideas from her and came up with this idea.  It has definitely put smiles on her face to look at options of what we can do and trying to work out the least cost.  I just want to make sure that I dont shut down on this roll but keep it going.  We have had it said when we get out marriage to the outrageously happy that it will break through to our children that have shut us out of there lives.  i want to keep on upping the 20's and this week has had us almost to newly wed behaviors.........LOL  I dont know that either of us will call uncle though.......:)

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Well things can change real fast still we were playing a card game last night and my son that in school that has limited time that he can call me called late into the game the was noisy so I was having a hard time hearing him  and then my daughter started carrying on loudly to the point I could hear nothing.  This upset me, i picked up an empty bowl from the popcorn I had fixed and waved it at her to get her attention spreading the remains of the popcorn all over.  I left and went to another room to finish our conversation which he was in no hurry to finish and I am ok with that, we don't talk near enough.   But the rest of the evening and this morning as been basically cold as ice because I did not apologize for my behavior, example, to them.  Having a hard time understanding her reaction to me.  We will be together here for a short while, at work house,  then wife and daughter that came up to visit are going shopping for the day while I take the rest of them to our real home.  Hoping that things get resolved before we part ways today.

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I apologized for my behavior of Friday night to both the kids and 1love on Saturday morning.  The rest of the day was a crazy day that ended way too late.  And we discussed it more on Sunday.   

 

I hate it when I do stupid things and blow it.

 

But making up is always fun.................. :eyes:  ::clap  :blush:

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I was on tonight to make pizza which we made together she helped prepare the toppings and made a salad. While the dough was rising I took her away to ask how her day was yesterday and then tonight she had gotten up really late Monday evening so we never took time to talk but made up for it tonight. So after supper I was getting ready to get on the call and she stopped me and brought me a giant valentines card that she had found for me.  I usually don't get too excited about cards and we had a busy schedule so she had not found one for valentines so she found one and made a big presentation to me in front of the kids.  It has been good with lots of passion and 20's.   

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  • 8 months later...

Well been a long time since much happened here..........I see a pattern developing and not sure what way we are headed. A few weeks back we both said we had had it with each other..........each time we go thru rough times we seem to get that way........I am starting to lose the sight of really getting there if this is how or relationship is going to be.  I find part of me wanting to resent her. I never seem to be good enough or I am doing something that appears so bad that I feel stupid at times.  I dont know that I am ready to live up the the continual expectations of what she demands.........  Just a lot of thinking and praying to do.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is passion4one I was talking about my relationship with 1love,  the continual pointing out the chair I didnt push in all the way, the drawer that I didnt close all the way and tonight it was you said you were putting the dishes away.  I emptied the dishwasher and part of what was on the counter but not all of them, that wasnt  good enough.  Tonight after supper she retreated to the bedroom to read a book.  They came up yesterday trying to kiss and hug her was really not be accepted, i tried to hold her hand on the way to bible study it was all one way, I was touching her, she didnt pull away but she did not engage my hand.  Maybe she has a reason for responding this way I dont know or understand.  So no there was no plans for being romantic, we tried to  snuggle but it was lik a lot of effort and there was no response back just tolerating me............I cant go on like this.  Not sure what she is expecting out of me I work hard to try to provide and we are sinking financially.  I am not feeling that great health wise from all the stress.

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