Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Recommended Posts



Carlisle Brethren In Christ Church

1155 Walnut Bottom Rd.

Carlisle, PA 17015

April 18th & 19th 2008


Living Streams Christian Church

7000 N. Central Avenue

Phoenix, AZ 85016

Aug 22nd & 23rd 2008


Irvine, CA September 2008


CHICAGO, IL October 17-18 (tentative)



March 13-14, 2009 (updated per recent newsletter)

Woodman Valley Chapel

290 E.Woodman Road



Seminar Times:


Friday 7:00pm - 10:00pm

(please arrive at least 30 minutes early)

Saturday 9:00am - 6:00pm

(various breaks and an hour lunch are allotted on this day)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 months later...

Ken Nair's books:

Discovering the Mind of a Woman

Discovering the Heart of a Man

are "must" reading for all students of J&K.


You can order the books, subscribe to the newsletter and learn where future Life Partners Discovery Seminars will be at www.LifePartners.org


Ken Nair joined J&K's Thursday conference call in Nov. 2007. I think you can find MP3 on J&K's website.


Tom and I were blessed to attend a Discovery Seminar Sept. 2007 and meet Ken & Nancy. They are as personable and humble in person as they are in their books and newsletters.


You will be blessed by reading both of Ken's books. Tom says you men should read BOTH books!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
Our definition of emotional adultery: Having "friends" of the opposite sex whom you carry on a relationship with in person, on the phone, via e-mail or IM or text messages - or any combination of these things. It is a relationship in which some or all of these contacts are kept private - and if your spouse knows about it, it is continued over his/her objections. The affair is also kept secret from the wife or husband of the other party to the affair. This relationship meets emotional needs of the wife - she enjoys the friendship, approval, affirmation and respect that she receives from the man that she is in an affair with.)


Normally, a wife who is in an affair will act one of two ways toward her husband: She will be angry and critical, constantly, or she will seem cool and collect, needing nothing from her husband. She does not "bother" him anymore about meeting her emotional needs, because she is getting them met from another man. Why? Because her toddler husband refused to meet her emotional needs for years until he finally broke her.)


The bottom line is that she MUST come out of the affair. That is a given.

Joel of Joel and Kathy

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 year later...

"Phoenix Arizona Discovery Seminar Weekend"


Friday, August 27, 2010 at 7:00pm.


Ken says, "Thousands have come away with a new hope and practical tools for building a healthy marriage and family. Come and join me for this wonderful seminar. I look forward to seeing you there. If you are a pastor, I invite you to come for no cost.".


Event: Phoenix Arizona Discovery Seminar Weekend

Start Time: Friday, August 27, 2010 at 7:00pm End Time: Saturday, August 28, 2010 at 6:00pm Location: Living Streams Christian Church Street: 7000 N. Central City/Town: Phoenix, AZ



Is a successful marriage a mystery to you?

Could it be that everything you have been

trying to do to make your marriage more

meaningful may never work?



• Do you feel alone, misunderstood, desperate or wounded?

• Are you dying on the inside?

• Do you feel hopeless that your husband will ever really understand you?



• Do you wonder why everything is such a big deal to your wife?

• Have you concluded that it is impossible to really understand a woman?

• Do you think your wife is too emotional?

• Have you given up trying to be the spiritual leader in your home?


If you are interested in learning more about this seminar, please visit http://www.lifepartnerschristianministries.com/main/discovery_seminar_weekend.html


If you would like to register for the seminar, please visit http://www.lifepartnerschristianministries.com/main/discovery_seminar_registration.html



Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Have You Ever Wondered... When you are willing to do whatever it takes to get a boyfriend, are you thinking about how this can totally change your life forever? Have you already experienced this and feeling the effects of those decisions? Starting in grade school, girls want to date at a very young age. They find out early that most boys like them if they “put out”. So, they have to make a big decision, “Do I want to be popular and have a boyfriend or take a chance by being single?” Wow, what a decision they have to make because of peer pressure, even from the girls. Girls will even wear very revealing clothing to gain acceptance from both men and women, because other women will look at you as frumpy if you aren't with the latest trends. When you wear revealing clothes girls are asking men to look… but your boyfriend/husband better not look at other women or you get upset. Doesn’t that seem crazy? We need to respect ourselves enough to want men to like us for who we are, not for our bodies. When a girl starts out her dating life in a promiscuous way, this will affect everything from that point on. When looking around, to her it sure doesn’t look as if it is bad because the other girls who are putting out look really happy. The boys are showing so much attention to them by holding them, holding hands, sitting with them at lunch, kissing etc, but these girls never let anyone know what is really going on inside of them. I have heard so many times how when they are home all by themselves, they lie in bed and think about how they feel trapped. They might even put their head in the pillow and cry because they no longer feel worthy. Some of these girls can stop living like this, when they see that they are being used by the boys, but some girls can’t. By the time they are ready to be married, they have so much baggage in their lives. Maybe she will marry one of the boys from either high school or college that they have been physically involved with. He may even get her pregnant and now they have a small baby to take care for. She is sometimes up all night with no help from him and is tired. Because of the way the world is she may have to go to work, take care of the house and dinner and the baby.


He more than likely misses the one on one attention and can be selfish by wanting intercourse whenever he wants. Does he care that she is tired and can hardly function? Not really, he is only thinking about himself and no one has ever shared with him that he must take care of her spirit. He doesn’t even know what that is and he doesn’t even know that he too has a spirit which is needy. What a mess this will become, he needs to help her with all those old feelings that she is thinking about and she no longer wants to have intercourse because she doesn’t feel loved at all anymore. Girls, unless you understand what you are doing and can say no, you will have trouble in your marriage because there is a deep hurt down inside you that needs to be healed and only your Dad can heal that hurt. Do they know how to do that? They can only accomplish this with God’s help. Be truthful, do not allow the choices you make now cause regret later down the road. Ladies, let’s get involved by helping to change this pattern. Teach your daughters how to live by God's standard. You also need to be honest with your husband and help him to know your heart on these matters. If you have regret from making choices to fit in and need someone to talk to, please call me. I would love to sit and help you through this!


by Nancy Nair June 2010


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mark your Calendars! Don't miss out on seeing Ken Nair, author of Discovering the Mind of a Woman, present the new and improved 2010 Discovery Seminar in Phoenix, Arizona on August 27th-28th. Come discover the mind of a woman, and the heart of a man, so you can achieve true Christ-likeness in your home, and experience the marriage that God intends. Click here to hear testimonies of those who have had their marriage transformed from the Discovery Seminar.


The Discovery Seminar offers men and women new understanding about God's plan for relationships. Participants come away with the strongest, most successful Christian testimony they've ever experienced. "A truly unique seminar, dedicated to building Christian leadership in the home and world! The Discovery Seminar is Practical • Hopeful • Life-Changing and it offers non-traditional, yet biblical wisdom full of transforming revelations!" Ken Nair “This isn't a seminar; this is a movement to put Christ back into Christianity.” Eric Heard – Pastor at Mariners Church — Irvine , CA


“Amazing! I had no idea how little I knew about my wife. This material filled me up for a life-long journey of caring for her in such a way that she is encouraged and alive.” Mark P. Fisher President of Sandy Cove Ministries, Maryland


“What an impact! Finally someone put into words what I was feeling.” Linda - wife of Christian college V.P.— Kansas City, MO


“This stuff changed our life. I discovered the keys to opening the door to my wife's heart and unlocking the passage way to minister to her like Christ.” Dean Volk, physical therapist, Charlotte, NC


“In 24 years as a pastor, this was the most important seminar I've attended and applied to my own life. I had no idea that ministering to my wife's spirit would help me understand God's heart better. This seminar took me over the top...spiritually.” Dave Taylor, Associate Pastor, Capo Beach Calvary, Orange County , CA

Sign up today for the Phoenix Discovery Seminar! Click here to register for this life-altering seminar. Date: August 27th-28th, 2010 Time: Friday 7:00pm - 10:00pm (please arrive at least 30 minutes early)

Saturday 9:00am - 6:00pm (various breaks and an hour lunch are

allotted on this day) Location: Living Streams Christian Church

7000 N. Central

Phoenix, AZ 85020 Price: Registration fee is $85.00 per person. (If you do not register online while it is available.)

Online Registration is $75.00 per person. (This is only available until one week prior to the Friday starting the seminar.)

Alumni returning to the Discovery Seminar weekend pay $15.00 per person. MUST register at the door.


Nearby hotel:

Best Western Inn Suites

1615 E Northern Ave.

Phoenix, AZ 85028


Mention the Discovery Seminar Weekend

by Life Partners Christian Ministries and receive our special discount: Studio King for $60.00 or a Studio Queen for $60.00.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

******************Nancy Nair's NEWSLETTER August 2010**************************


Hello Friends, I hope everyone had an amazing month of August. You are all loved. Enjoy this month's newsletter.




I have lived in our Phoenix home for about 30 years and have a nice big swimming pool in my back yard. The girls loved having that to jump into and swim around as they were growing up. It always looked like so much fun. I would try to put my head under the water, wanting to not be afraid, but it wasn't much fun while all of them were swimming around and there I was putting my face in and out of water. It seems so silly to be so afraid of it. Each year I would say I am going to learn how to swim.


I would go in and exercise and play but wouldn’t put my head under. I could float on my back. I could swim if my head was out of the water, but when I would try to take a big breath, put my face down in the water and attempt to swim; I would panic.


Well, here I am at the age of 69 and I said to myself, "This year I WILL learn how to do this if it kills me!" So, while Ken is at home working around the yard and in the house, I decided to just do it. I needed him there just in case I would drown.(Ok, so I guess I thought I would drown.) I am so excited! I made myself do this and I really love it. It only took me 30 years and about 10 tries but I mastered it.


How could I have wasted all those years missing out on playing with the girls in the water? I think about all kinds of things that I have missed out because of some silly fear that controlled me. I had a father who always instructed us by saying, while growing up in Nebraska, "Don’t go by the water, you may fall in." We did a lot of fishing by the river. We didn’t have a pool in our town until I was in high school and we didn’t have enough money to even go to it if we wanted to. But as time goes on, I am enjoying every minute that I can in our pool. I only wish that I had the kids to enjoy it with me. Now that I have conquered the fear of putting my head under the water, I get to enjoy the benefit of enjoying swimming with Ken! I love that we are able to do this together!





Daily Devotion

1 John 1: 6-10

6) If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; 7) But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. '8') If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9) If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10) If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.


These verses are so important because wives have been called by God to be our husband’s helper. Usually by the time we find out that we are supposed to be his helper, our husband has completely destroyed us and it is hard to even think about being a helper. If we don’t understand what 1 John 1:6-10 is saying, we can easily be going it alone.


How can we be the helper that God needs us to be if we walk in darkness? (not knowing God's Word causes us to be in darkness) But God did call us to be a helper and it is sad that few are teaching us what that really means. If we understand verse 9, it can help wives feel free to speak those things He wants us to say because we have been truthful to ourselves and God, which sets us free. When we don’t keep ourselves pure before God it is just too scary to be that helper.


So, if we get fleshy while speaking to our husbands about something we feel is information God wants them to hear and they respond unkind back to us, quickly say, “That was wrong of me and would you forgive me for my anger? (which, hopefully, will remove his response back to you which usually takes the focus off him and puts the spotlights on us) Yet, I need for you to know that the problem is still there. I just need to make sure that God and I are still on the same page.”


Maybe we could pray this "Father, Because you have given us the job of being the helper to our husbands, it will be important to us that we listen to You speaking to us. Help us to not disappoint You because we are afraid to speak what we feel You are saying to us. Keep us in the Word so that Your Word is in us. Amen






Does this scenario seem right to you? Let's say we have a house full of family members who make messes then only one person is responsible to clean it up? Does this happen to you?


Kids today, no matter what the age, have more clothes and toys than they know what to do with. They get up each morning and proceed to take everything out, looking for what they would like to play with or wear.


I believe that if you would faithfully do an everyday sweep of all of the items left laying around, it would solve this problem. Here is one way I would suggest to get this ball rolling.


Begin with a family meeting around the kitchen table to let the children know that things are going to change. That there will be a new rule and they will be responsible each day before dinner time to completely pick up everything that is theirs. There will be a bag for each day of the week.


You could try a brown bag, get a marker and put Monday on one, Tuesday on another and so on. Before dinner, or after you decide, walk around placing each thing that is out of place into the bag for the day.


Once the item is placed into the bag, the contents will stay in there until the following week. IE: Monday's contents will stay until the following Monday, etc.


You will repeat this each day of the week. Hopefully, after a couple of weeks of them not having the ability to use any of these items will result in a cleaner, more organized home!


Remember, consistency is the key!


Words of Encouragement


Are you trying to be happy in the face of despair? As I was walking into a café one day, ready for a nice relaxing time with a dear friend, I looked over to the next booth and saw a lady with a look of despair on her face. It made it hard to enjoy myself, seeing how different our state of minds were at the time. They were a night and day difference. It looked like she may have just met with someone who really hurt her and she just couldn’t get up to leave. Unfortunately sometimes in life, there is no help for people. I debated if I should go and talk with her. I could hardly stand to walk away but no opportunity to speak with her came. If only I would have been able to say a few kind words to her that could have helped her through that time. I thought about her for days after, wondering if anyone was caring for her. When someone is in that emotional place it is hard to look at things logically. I wish there would have been the opportunity for me to talk with her and help her to look down the road and decide what the best thing to do was.


We know that people go through tough times because that is just life. What we want to do is to be ready for that person who feels there is just no one to listen to them. Most people want to give advice and we need to learn to only give advice when asked.


Once they know we care about how they are feeling, they may want help. Yet, it is wise for us to be good listeners and only give advice if they ask for help.


It is so important to always care for those who are close to us. To make sure not to give them advice but to understand how they are feeling and just address that. I went to the dictionary to make up a list of feelings. I was curious about how many feeling words there were in the dictionary, only to be very surprised at how many there were only a short ways into checking it out! People need people who care about the great number of feelings they experience!


Years ago, when Ken and I were walking through our troubles, there was no one who understood what we were going through. God began talking with Ken. He would come to me and share with me what he was discovering he had done to us. I sensed that he was not feeling how he had hurt us, yet he was beginning to realize it logically. It is so good that we didn’t give up even through those times, especially since we had no one to help us during that time. It is the hope of Life Partners Christian Ministries to reach those husbands and wives before they get overtaken with despair.


Please feel free to contact Life Partners Christian Ministries for help.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 years later...




Posted on July 9, 2014


Relationships are a confusing subject for most men. Often topics centered around relationships are misunderstood. Also comments that are relationship oriented can be misinterpreted.


Because there is a tendency for men to misinterpret relationship situations, it is not uncommon for men to misinterpret what we at Christ Quest Ministries are saying. An expression that is most often misunderstood is, “We men need to learn how to lay down our lives for our wives like Christ did for the church”. Very often men think what we are saying is, “Whatever your wife wants or says, you must submit to her in order to lay down your life and be like Christ”. The biggest problem with a man making that wrong interpretation is that it leaves a wife in the position of not having a leader.


What a wife wants, does or says, is an indication of where her heart is. That knowledge in the hands of an effective spiritual leader can then become a definite means of his understanding how to care for her. A husband, laying down his life for his wife, does not mean: scramble to fulfill a wife’s every wish. Making a wife feel fulfilled and content is not achieved by catering to her perspective on life. True contentment and fulfillment can only come from achieving God’s perspective on life.


If a husband concludes that we at Christ Quest Ministries are saying that the key feature of Eph. 5:25 is centered around surrendering to his wife he will have totally missed what we do want to teach. If a husband thinks we mean that he should not even have or take a position on life’s issues, if it’s different than his wife’s position, then he has again totally missed what we want to teach. If either of these are conclusions a husband has drawn about our teaching, we want him to know that we believe he will not be providing leadership in his marriage. Rather he will have conceded his leadership. A strong indicator usually of a husband having conceded his leadership to his wife is that he will find himself resenting his wife more and more. As he merely yields to her wishes or directions more and more without providing God’s reflections he will become increasingly resentful of her. The more he gives in to her, the more bitter he will become towards her.


A significant dilemma here is this: If a wife is insecure because she does not have a balanced relationship with her husband then her expressions are going to reflect imbalance (balance meaning that both are actively contributing to the ongoing betterment of the relationship). A wife, feeling unfulfilled in her relationship, will usually develop emotionally motivated solutions for life’s situations. The product of this kind of emotionally charged situation is that the directions she gives her husband will not necessarily be adequate. That means that her instructions could very easily not accomplish God’s will, which will produce further feelings of inadequacy or frustration in both. Concession does not work!


Spiritual leadership in the Christian home requires that a man be constantly evaluating what is going on in his home. And that he let all of the conclusions or directions which might be developed, be developed after evaluating them from God’s perspective. Proper evaluation in any home cannot take place without both the husband and the wife reflecting on life from God’s eyes. One of the jobs a spiritual leader has is to be able to discuss something without letting his personal opinions and feelings govern him.


*Please notice that I did not say don’t have opinions or feelings about something. Rather, the focus is on not letting his opinions or feelings govern the discussion.*


The discussion must have as its goal discovering God’s wishes and how they can be applied to the situation at hand. This cannot be accomplished when a man relinquishes his role as the leader of the home by conceding his responsibilities. The key feature of Eph. 5:25 is being like Christ, in obedience to God, for my wife. That means there must be a focus on obedience to God; setting aside what I want in life for what God wants of me. It means: Christ committed His life to God’s goals so I must commit my life to God’s goals. It means: Christ didn’t let anyone or anything distract Him from God’s purposes so I cannot let any excuses keep me from God’s purpose.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is my first post so I'm not sure if it will go through, but I'll try. I've been browsing this website with interest for quite some time. I've trained as junior counselor with Elijah House and am constantly learning about relationships. The above is very interesting, yet I think something else needs to precede that information, and that is an understanding of why abuse occurs. An abuser has a win-lose attitude and the wife (can be the other way but let's use this example now because it is far more prevalent) has a win-win attitude. She feels that in a discussion (which he, with his competitive mind thinks is a show-down), no matter what the conclusion, both come out winners. He feels, deep down, that if it doesn't go his way, he's a loser, and no 'man' wants to be a loser. So no matter what, he has to win, and that's why she is confused and abused. If he doesn't give up this attitude, which in this American society takes a lot of 'balls' to give up, he cannot have a husband-wife relationship, especially a godly one. 


    If you check out the Bible, the word 'win' does not mean to beat the other person/party to a pulp, it means to bring them over to your side. 


    Hope this makes sense. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe I understand what you are saying, Rosebud. A husband who has lived by the conviction that he MUST "win" in every discussion with his wife (in other words, he is an abuser), will have to see this in himself and want to change before he can even begin to follow the advice as written by the Nair's, above.

This is when it becomes the wife's responsibility to "help" her husband become Christlike by letting him know, as kindly yet firmly as possible, that he must change his thinking and reactions with her.

Joel and Kathy's two books do a good job, I think, of opening people's eyes to this concept.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Absolutely Right!



but this article does apply to a husband who is working to win his wife's heart.  

It's abusive and scary for a wife when a passive husband shuts down and leaves all decisions and whims to his wife thinking or imagining that he is "laying down his life for his wife".  

Doing so will leave him potentially bitter and they'll be no closer to intimacy. 

I think it might address the question on another thread about why some men crash and burn after a time of being the man of her dreams. 

This article is timely for me.   Take it with a grain of salt!! 

Link to post
Share on other sites

What we are targeting is a relationship where both husband and wife are approaching things as a team. If a couple makes decisions together, then when those decisions turn out to be great ones, they both get the positive sense of following what they believed to be God's will successfully!  When a decision turns out to be a wrong one, then they both get to hug on each other and lick their wounds together.   Ken often uses the word "leader".  We find that men go "tilt" when that word is used.  Jesus had the problem of people misunderstanding what he meant when he said the word leader. He said that leaders in the world's system are the "boss" and he said that is not to be that way in the kingdom of God.  We just prefer not to "go there"..   so the word "source of life and strength" being the best definition of the word "Kephale" in the Bible (as we discuss at length in "Livin' it and Lovin' it!" makes this type of thing a lot more clear. When a husband and wife are having a loving relationship, he is feeding life and strength.  This helps the his wife be on balance and they get to enjoy the grand adventure of enjoying life as a couple, talking things through together as a couple and coming to conclusions that they both feel good about.  Hey, there is not perfection in our human existance, but let's enjoy life every day and experience the love of God to the fullest that we possibly can, in the circumstances that we find ourselves in!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Agreed. I think the word 'leader' actually is a trigger for me because I've seen so much in the church (ok and otherwise) where the husband can't see past the idea of 'leader' meaning 'power over'. After all, it brings up a mind picture of one person walking ahead of another, not beside. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, exactly.  The Source of Life, Source of Strength is more of a proper job description.  I would rather have a job description than a title. And you are right...  a married couple is to walk side-by-side.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

That makes sense! Thanks, Joel! That helps a lot. "Leader" isn't a trigger for me so the use of the word in this article didn't  faze me.  However when I read your response aloud to FreeDog he said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about "Source of Life, Source of Strength."


arrgh!!  How can that phrase not be at the forefront of his mind?? it's BOLD HIGHLIGHTED in my thoughts!  




(Rosebud, I couldn't see your first post above when I responded to Mary Jane's response to you, I thought MJ was speaking to me.  Now that I can see your comments I understand what she was saying. I was confused.)

Edited by Crystal
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yah..  Free Dog posted on ya'll's topic that he is your source of life and strength!  


Hey.. if you two were to listen in on the group calls once a week, he would hear that stuff once a week from us!  smile.  Hint, hint, hint!  :razz:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...