Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Recommended Posts

Hmm. Am I missing something? You mention, glossing over the little detail, breaking the separation agreement. But then you go on about the gift.

 

So you had an agreement but you go over announced and did it anyway? You really think it was the gift that ticked her off?

 

And a necklace? What kind of necklace is $10.00 or less. Which is specifically what Joel told you the gift should be.

 

Interesting what you choose to focus in as the problem. More interesting to me what you choose not to focus on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 196
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

The necklace was $8.00. So definitely stayed within the boundaries of being under $10. Sadly, she said over the phone that she already has that necklace. What are the odds! Yes, I definitely broke the separation agreement... kind of lying/rationalizing to myself that as long as I don't go in or ring the doorbell unannounced that it was ok. That added fuel to the fire. However, even if it was through postal mail, I sincerely think she would've responded similarly.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Anon,

 

From what you have written, two things are very clear.

 

The first is you will take instruction and apply it which is good. However when it doesn't "work" the way you expect it to, you come back here and fuss and complain about it. You have admitted you have only been here a month. Guess what? We only know a month's worth of your story and where you wife is "most likely at" at this stage of your journey. If you want us to give you a break for the short time you have been here, then give us the same break Sir.

 

Secondly no matter how much you want to be back with your wife, and every man who firsts comes here wants theirs as much as you want yours,you do NOT want to her back because she is being cordial to you. The only thing worse than a wife being cordial in your situation is indifferent. Both of those things mean the same thing to your situation. She has no emotional connection to you because she is holding back her anger. Why would she hold it back? Because you aren't safe enough/deserving of ANY of her emotions. I have seen this hundreds of times. You don't want to make her angry but you sure as heck don't want her to suppress it either. Anger is a secondary emotion which almost always comes from a place of hurt. You can share in this place with her.

 

With that said, I am NOT telling you to stop listening to what she is telling you about the gifts,etc. But you are commanded by God to repent and make restitution for the hurts you have caused her. This can be accomplished with any wife but it is dependent on where the wife is at the moment. This is where you have to start reading your wife's heart. There are always signs coming from their hearts even when they think there are not. The men who make it to the other side of this walk are the ones who learn to hear her heart.

 

We are REALLY good at reading a wife's heart here. We can't be 100% but we can help you where very few others can. Right now, all we have is a very limited amount of things to go on. This journey rarely goes as quickly as the husband wants. This is a marathon not a sprint. Don't be like the men you have read about who have quit. They all quit because they burn up all their energy in the first few miles. I can only suggest what I did. I put on a new pair of running shoes, put in my earbuds to drown out any outside noise and I ran to where God's voice was the loudest.

 

God Bless

David

Edited by For Him For Her
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone. Thank you for the sound words. I am being a spoiled brat and pouting when I do things and it doesn't go the way I expected in the period of time I want. I do need to have a long term perspective on all of this. Many guys have been in my shoes for well over a year, even with their loved one going through multiple boyfriends sometimes. That's a tremendous amount of perseverance.

Edited by anon2000
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi all. No contact with wife for several days after her venting to me about the texts/gifts/and me breaking our separation agreement by dropping the gift off on her porch unannounced. I don't know if she's gotten the apology letter yet or not. I sent it out Thursday night.

 

Anyways, I do have a question about my faith and forgiveness.

 

It's really hard to worship God. Not because of depression, but because of my sins. I am still growing in my understanding of how I have hurt my wife. It's definitely related to my own pain... after particularly bad episodes of self-pity and sadness where I cry like I've never cried before, I think, "my wife has been going through this for 6 years! How did she do this? I've only been hurting for 1 month! How could I have ignored her tremendous pain!?!?" So in a sense, I welcome the pain and cry because it helps me become more empathetic to her, helps me become less judgmental, and helps me to open up my feelings, which have been locked away in order to protect myself. Her plea to me when she was crying and bawling was, "D- why can't you show me compassion?" My reply was always, "I'm not emotional like that and I can't change that."

 

I am really accepting my responsibility and how I have destroyed my marriage.

 

So when I try to worship, all I can think about is how abusive I've been. And it's not like I can say "Oh, I've changed now." I know I'm still abusive as this process has only started. So I can't find of God's love and forgiveness because I hate myself for what I've put my wife through. Last week, when we had a brief talk, I told her that I am broken and she said, "you're not broken enough." I feel like I don't deserve God's love because I am still growing in my understanding of the ramifications of my sins. I've shared my specific sins with close friends and my church leadership and I feel so much shame and guilt. The people I have mentored no longer look up to me. I've lost credibility with my pastor. And I deserve it.

 

Do I continue to try to grow in my understanding of the pains I've created and thus be unable to worship? It's like an adulterer who still has a lustful heart... it'll be hard to worship. I am an abuser that caused so much pain, but I'm sure I only understand a tiny portion of how hurt my wife is. I feel like if I forgive myself and accept God's love, then my understanding of my wife's pain will stop.

 

Anyone else been through something like this?

Edited by anon2000
Link to post
Share on other sites

I felt to a T like that and still do some days and your right: Your feeling her pain right now and she did it for 6 years. What has helped me? One thing I would tell you to do is to read Romans chapter 8 and do it often. Another good chapter is Hebrews 12. God's bringing you through this pain for a reason. Also maybe try writing a list of areas in which God has worked in your life. Whenever you start to feel condemned or sorry for yourself pull out your list and read it. Just don't give up.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Anyways, I do have a question about my faith and forgiveness.

 

It's really hard to worship God. Not because of depression, but because of my sins. I am still growing in my understanding of how I have hurt my wife. It's definitely related to my own pain... after particularly bad episodes of self-pity and sadness where I cry like I've never cried before, I think, "my wife has been going through this for 6 years! How did she do this? I've only been hurting for 1 month! How could I have ignored her tremendous pain!?!?" So in a sense, I welcome the pain and cry because it helps me become more empathetic to her, helps me become less judgmental, and helps me to open up my feelings, which have been locked away in order to protect myself. Her plea to me when she was crying and bawling was, "D- why can't you show me compassion?" My reply was always, "I'm not emotional like that and I can't change that."

 

 

 

Up and Down

 

We look up when the sun is shining. We look down when the rain pours. In other words, when things are looking good, we’re looking up! And when things are looking not-so-good we hang our heads and sulk. Why is it that we lay our heads low only in the bad or lift our heads only in the good? Are we afraid a bit of raining get in our way? Or that we might miss the beautiful sunshine?

 

God calls us to worship Him regardless of the situation. Whether we’re looking up or down, we should be praising Him. We thank Him when the sun is shining in our lives but look away when the storms of life come. Yet on the contrary, we can also become so focused on the good that we forget to bow our heads. What am I saying? We should really be looking up when the rain pours and looking down when the sun’s out.

 

When storms hit, according to Matthew 8:24 “…Jesus rebuked the wind and the raging waves. Suddenly the storm stopped and all was calm.” There’s only one solution and God can weather any storm. Looking up instead of down allows us to continue praising Him and thanking Him. It allows our focus to be on the future rather than the present. I don’t know how many physical thunderstorms you've experienced in everyday life, but have any of them lasted more than a day long? Storms pass. Rain stops. Clouds clear and God reveals the sun. When the sun comes out, when the storms and hardships pass it is then time to face down and bow down. Think upon and appreciate what The Lord has delivered you from. It’s when we humble ourselves that we truly experience His ray of hope in a much deeper way.

 

No matter the weather outside or in your spiritual life, never stop praising Him.

 

Posted in 2013, Devotionals

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah! I keep messing up. A friend of mine went over to her place to get some furniture. She had been collecting furniture to give to my friend's family since they're new to the area. When we picked the furniture up, I told him, "take a look around the house." Also, I told him that it's ok to borrow some tools from the house without asking her. Then she wrote this email:

 

I just want to let you know that I'm seeing some attitudes that need to change if you expect to interact with me. I feel that you are not respecting me as the owner of my house, as both my friend and I could see in your attitude when you came here. When J- came in, you said to him, "Take a look around." That is not your call to make as you do not own or live in this house. You also welcomed him to take any of the tools here. Of course I would offer them to him, but that's not your call to make. You can ask me permission but don't assume. If you are going to claim these tools as yours, please take them away and keep them at your place and then feel free to offer them to others. If you consider them my property, please don't treat them like they are also yours.

 

I want you to take our separation seriously. You do not live here and you have no financial right to the house, so please don't act like you are the co-owner of this house. You disrespect me and you violate my boundaries when you do so. I no longer consider myself "your wife" as you continue to call me. I have a name and identity separate from you.

 

Please do not call me to talk about this. If you want to respond, please do so over email.

 

I replied back to her:

Hi S-,

 

Yes, I did disrespect you when I told my friend to take a look around the house. He and I discussed this quite a bit after we left and definitely need to get rid of this habitual vocabulary and attitude that disrespects you as the owner of the house. That goes with the house and all the possessions in it. Thank you for pointing it out to me and I am truly sorry for the way I have disrespected you, your house, and everything in the house. The same goes with calling you "my wife" as you have a separate and independent identity.

 

We did drop off the headboard, the baseboard, and the utility shelves off in the garage. I SMS'ed you and rang the doorbell, but no one was home. I believe you had given me permission to open the garage and drop the items off. I will respect the separation agreement and bring my attitude towards it so that you are respected.

 

D-

Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife's reply to my email:

 

So your friend noticed it as well?

 

I hope you can see even in these casual encounters that your heart is really not changed, and how pervasive this attitude of ownership towards me is in your mind. No amount of human effort is going to change your heart, and you cannot promise me (as you have done in the past) that things will change or you will never do something again because you don't even know what you do and you do it without thinking. It is a sickness deep in your heart and mind. It is tiring to me to even see you for a short time as you constantly tread over my boundaries and show disrespect.

 

Your apologies and words "truly sorry" mean nothing to me now; they are just words. I am looking for the day that I can finally stop asking you to stop disrespecting me.

 

Yes, I did give permission for you to drop off the stuff. I thought I had made it clear that I was going to be out and that you were to use the garage code to put the stuff in, so I wasn't expecting you to even text. So that was fine. Thank you for dropping off that stuff.

 

If there are still some possessions here that you would like, please let me know what those things are. I do expect you to eventually take your books and your equipment. If there's something else, please make a list and I"ll get those ready for you as soon as I can.

 

S-

Link to post
Share on other sites

My reply back to her:

 

Hi S-,

 

Yeah, even when I'm trying my hardest, I still disrespect you and step over your boundaries. There's a battle going on with my subconscious and my subconscious is still winning out and disrespecting and belittling you. =(

 

I know my words are meaningless, especially after so many broken promises. Only actions count and my actions thus far have proven to be disrespectful and I am still showing that I have not let go of claiming ownership/authority of the house.

 

Despite my actions towards you, you are still continuing to show me respect. Thank you.

D-

Edited by anon2000
Link to post
Share on other sites

It's repulsive to a wife to hear her husband bashing himself. She wants/wanted a confident but respectful man.

 

It would have been better had you replied by thanking your wife for pointing out so clearly how your actions have made her uncomfortable.

 

Your last brief paragraph was pretty good though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is my apology letter to her parents. I will send it out on Monday or Tuesday. She has shared most of the details and her parents said to her that they never want to see me again. Could you please look at it and give me any tips?

 

Dear Mr. R- and Mrs. D-,

 

I am writing this letter to you with a heavy heart. As you know, S- and I are currently separated with a very real possibility of divorce.

 

On November 17, 2007, you passed off your beautiful and amazing daughter to me for safe keeping, trusting that this man would honor, love, and cherish her for the rest of his life. You have done an incredible job of raising such an amazing woman.

 

I have utterly failed to take care of your wonderful daughter and instead have put her through some of the worst years of her life. With all her intelligence, patience, and love, she tried her very best to improve our marriage, but I kept emotionally and verbally abusing her despite the love she showed me.

 

God told husbands to die to their wives as Christ died to the church. I have disobeyed God and sinned against you. Instead, S- had died to herself a lot more than I did. I was selfish and kept asking more and more of her until she had nothing left. S- had no choice but to ask for this separation. This was completely my fault.

 

You have treated me with so much love and generosity, treating me like your own son. I am deeply sorry that I did not treat your precious daughter with kindness and love. She has shed so many tears because of me. I had ignored those tears and oftentimes attacked her for shedding tears. Her tears are too valuable to remain in the abusive relationship. God does not want any woman to remain in abuse.

 

There is no way I can make this up to you. I am simply writing this letter to apologize for my sins and to acknowledge that you have the most amazing daughter in the world. Thank you for putting up with me these last 6 years.

 

I am completely broken and do not know what the future holds for us. I am daily begging God to change my wicked heart. I do not know if I will ever see you again and understand if you never want to see me again. I will never forget the love and kindness the family has shown me over these last few years. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Sincerely,

D-

Link to post
Share on other sites

On August 7th, Rebuilding Trust posted an amazing tool for you and you just ignored it. You didn't even acknowledge it. What's up with that?

And...

 

No amount of human effort is going to change your heart, and you cannot promise me (as you have done in the past) that things will change or you will never do something again because you don't even know what you do and you do it without thinking. It is a sickness deep in your heart and mind.

 

There is a very simple fix for this and it is not ONLY by you making up your mind to change. If we could all just make up our minds to change, then we wouldn't need a Savior. Look at Rebuilding trust's post. The very thing you NEED the most is what the enemy is deceiving you about and defrauding you of. It starts with an f.

Link to post
Share on other sites

On August 7th, Rebuilding Trust posted an amazing tool for you and you just ignored it. You didn't even acknowledge it. What's up with that?

And...

 

 

There is a very simple fix for this and it is not ONLY by you making up your mind to change. If we could all just make up our minds to change, then we wouldn't need a Savior. Look at Rebuilding trust's post. The very thing you NEED the most is what the enemy is deceiving you about and defrauding you of. It starts with an f.

 

Hi 4evrHZdtr3. Thank you for your words. I did read Rebuilding Trust's post on worshipping God all the time, no matter what situations come our way. I know that I need forgiveness. However, I am hesitant to accept forgiveness too quickly because I STILL don't think I realize how badly I have treated my wife. I STILL don't know the depth of her sadness and tears. I think that if I forgive myself too quickly or to ask for God's forgiveness to quickly, then my understanding of my wife's pain and the severity of my sin will not grow as much. A quick example: the more I cry, the more I understand her tears because through my own pain, I can see her pain better. If I go through forgiveness, my personal pain isn't as acute and thus won't be able to transfer my own pain and see it through her eyes.

 

I am in desperate need of change. I have been crying out to God everyday, asking for his Spirit to fill every nook of my body, mind, and soul. I have asked Him to destroy my flawed and abusive personality. I am indeed desperate and know that by my own will, I could become just more narcissistic and selfish.

 

But whatever the case, I must continue to worship Him. This is irregardless of my current situation: whether if I'm separated, divorced, or restored.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Forgiveness is the gateway through which we walk to access the grace of God. To believe that you must not forgive too quickly because you must accomplish something is contrary to God's Word. Perhaps you misunderstand what forgiveness really is? Have you done a thorough biblical study on this?

Link to post
Share on other sites

1 John 1:9.  "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness."

 

I need to be reminded of the truth of this verse. In order to be cleansed, we need to confess and abide in his forgiveness. Only in this, is my diseased heart and mind able to be cleansed. I have confessed my sins to my closest friends, to my wife, to her parents, to her brother, to my pastor, and to my church leadership. I cannot kept holding back God's forgiveness as that would mean I am trying to earn it. 

 

Thank you everyone. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone. Here's an update. The last few days, my wife and I have been working on preparing a place for our friends who are moving into our town. They are coming back from the field and have three baby girls and so we wanted to make the move as relaxing as possible. They'll be here for several months as the husband will takes some classes for the ministry he's invovled in. 

 

I had been praying that I would make this interaction positive for her. I spend about 4-6 hours yesterday alone in the house preparing and getting ready the house. Joel had mentioned that she might pull me aside and start spilling out poison on me. 

 

Well, that happened today. We spend several more hours together. Most of it was casual and we even laughed a few times. Whenever she asked for me to do something, I would jump up and say, "of course" and do it immediately. After the 4th or 5th time, she said to me angrily, "why do you keep saying of course? You never did that before." I replied, "ok, I'll just say 'I'll do it." 

 

Then after another 30 minutes, she asked me if we could talk. She had heard from friends that I was advised by the abuse program I'm involved in (this one) that I was to send her texts and gifts even after she had initially said "stop it." I told her that the purpose of it was to bless her and not to expect anything back. That it would be narcissistic of me to not do anything and just crawl up into my zone of comfort. She was questioning this and then said, "if you want to bless me then you file for divorce and free me." I said that I had thought about it but that I still had hopes that somehow our marriage would be restored. 

 

She then shared a story. Back when we were serving overseas, a baby bird fell out of its nest. She came to me and asked me to help put the baby bird back up into the nest. I refused because I was busy with something and became angry with her. Then the baby bird died. She cried and heartbroken about this baby bird. I didn't show her any compassion and probably said something like, "it's only a bird." She then said that that's the way I treated her heart. She said she gave me too many chances and that everything that I'm doing now is narcissistic. I told her that I was an awful husband and that I'm so sorry about what I did. It would've only taken a few minutes to not hurt her so badly. We were both teary eyed during this part.

 

She said that everything I'm doing is to get her back. She said that there is only benefit for me if we get back together, but there is no benefit for her. She shared how free she is now. She can freely spend money, she can freely talk without me interrupting or rolling my eyes, she can be herself again. She shared that she's part of an abuse group and that all the women have some longing for their significant other. She then shared that she had no such longing for me. 

 

She then said that me being in the same city (Dallas) is doing nothing in getting her back. Everytime she sees me, she gets irritated and is angry. She then suggested that I go back to Atlanta, where my mother and two younger brothers are. My two younger brothers are taking care of my mom and I went overseas and so I stopped giving financially to help my mom. My wife then said, if you go back to Atlanta and serve them, then that's totally serving them and is not narcissistic. You'll earn my respect if you did that, but I know you can't because you can't give without getting something in return. She said I abandoned them. 

 

That was a huge curveball for me. Both my brothers make well into the six figures and can easily take care of my mother. They aren't believers. They are bitter at me because I'm not contributing. However, I told my wife that she's my family. Yes, I have brothers and a mom, but that she is my main family. I acknowledged that this is a conflict within me and said I'll think and pray about what she said. 

 

This is a predicament for me because she didn't say that we'll get back together if I go back to Atlanta. If I go to Atlanta, get a job, and then take over the mortgage, then I'll be stuck in Atlanta for a loooong time. And with my wife in Dallas with no reason to go to Atlanta, I feel like I'll completely lose her. Also, I feel like I didn't just give them the mortgage... when I asked my brother to take over the mortgage, I told him that if he sold it, he could keep all the profits. I bought the house for $190k, and it rose to $250k. Then the market crashed and then he became bitter. He was just fine before the market crashed and saw how he could reap a huge profit. I shared this with her, but she said I'm merely justifying what I did. I didn't want it to get into an argument and so I didn't pursue that train of thought any longer. 

 

There was some silence and then I told her that she's amazing. That even in her pain and hurt, she cared about my brothers and my mom. Then she had to suddenly leave because of an appointment. 

 

She came back two hours later and we started working on the place again. Then she asked, "did you want to talk more because our conversation was cut short last time." I said that I didn't really have much more to add but did thank her for bringing this up. I told her that a husband's true gauge of holiness and godliness was his wife and I thanked her for it. 

 

I'm now going to email her and apologize for that baby bird incident and tell her that she doesn't need to respond. I didn't include it in my apology letter, but I now feel like I need to apologize for this new memory. It's so humbling to see even more how deeply I have hurt her. 

Edited by anon2000
Link to post
Share on other sites

Last night, I wrote this email to her:

 

Hi S-,

 

No need to respond to this email.

 

After you shared the story of the baby bird, my stomach has been churning ever since. I feel like my stomach has a gaping hole in it and I cannot sleep. I feel so awful and feel so much shame for what I have done.

 

Day after day, I find out even more how deeply I have hurt you and how awful of a husband I was. It would’ve just taken a couple of minutes to comfort you. Just a few minutes. You are worth way more than that. I had devalued you. Your heart was shattered multiple times when it would’ve just taken a few minutes to comfort you, to love you, to be there for you, to empathize with you, to validate you.

 

I am so, so, so sorry.

 

I know that words are cheap and that words cannot override the years of pain and abuse and neglect I have put you through. I just wanted to let you know that you are right and that you deserve to hear an apology for the poor baby bird. I am sorry S-. I desperately wish I could take back those memories and have a time machine to go back and fix all the wrongs, to catch every tear, to be there for you when you needed me.

 

D-

 

Then she responded this morning:

 

I don't understand.  At the time it happened you knew I was going through a lot of sadness and grief.  But you were okay with that.  Why, all of a sudden, would you feel sorry now?  It's not like this is new information to you.   You knew back then what you'd done and what effect it had on me.  But you still kept on thinking you were a good husband and you were comfortable with yourself enough to continue to feel entitled and demand things from me and be indignant when I pointed out how you were hurting me.  

 

What difference does it make now?  The only difference is that I've left you and you are trying to get me back.  So the only difference is that you are suffering and you need to show me a penitent reaction to end your suffering by getting me back.  The difference is not some new compassion you have for me.  If I went back to you, you would go on feeling comfortable with yourself doing whatever you want to me.  You are not sorry you hurt me.  You knew that all along.  You are sorry that I hurt you, and you are trying to stop that pain.  This is exactly what you said and did last year when I left.   You were really, really sorry, and then when I went back you were good for a few months, and then you completely reverted back and put all your energy into proving that you were not the one at fault in the relationship.  I don't expect it would be any different this time.

 

You want to show me that you've changed -- you know what I've asked you to do.  Prove it by doing something truly sacrificial and putting others ahead of yourself.  

 

S-

 

Based upon the discussion from yesterday (two posts ago), I think she is referring to me going back to Atlanta to serve my mother and my two younger brothers. It's either that or me filing for divorce. I think it's more likely the move to Atlanta.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi TP. Thank you for interacting with me on this! I am not debating for debating sake nor being just a devil's advocate. This is a very real struggle I am having. My wife says to me that she'll respect me if I take care of my brothers and minister to them because it'll be a selfless thing that I do while if I stay here in Dallas, there will always be an overlapping motive of wanting to get her back, which I cannot deny. And because of this overlapping motive, she can't trust anything I do.

 

She is my family. But so are my brothers. 

 

From the verse What would constitute a "household?" Definitely the wife. Does it include brothers and the mom? Also, the verse is aimed at deacons/elders for the purpose of church ministry. I am currently not doing any of this for church ministry and not considering to be a deacon/elder. 

 

Am I really just missing the point here? Is it that obvious to what I should do? I know my morality is messed up because of my arrested development. My wife has said so many times that I don't know the difference between right/wrong and that I don't have a true north. And right now, she is the one saying to minister to my brothers. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok. Still majorly struggling with the issue discussed above. I'll try to summarize what's going on. Right now, she sees everything I do as selfish. She wants to see true change. However, she sees everything positive I'm doing right now as trying to get her back. Of course I want our marriage to be restored, so I cannot deny her accusations. She wants me to be selfless but me thinking and doing anything to get her back is selfish to her. I know that not all selfish things are bad, but her trust in me is so low that anything selfish that I do is narcissistic. I've done the whole text thing/gift thing and she doesn't want any part of it. I think anything remotely romantic will be seen as selfish and manipulative. So she wants to see me do something that is selfless and has nothing to do with getting her back nor me getting a benefit out of it. She knows that if we get back together, there is benefit for me. So she said for me to go to Atlanta (from Dallas) and serve my brothers. She's made two comments regarding this over the course of two days.

 

1) said to me face to face... if you go back to Atlanta and serve your brothers, then you'll earn my respect. But I know you'll never do this because there's no benefit for you.

2) said to me in an email... "You want to show me that you've changed -- you know what I've asked you to do.  Prove it by doing something truly sacrificial and putting others ahead of yourself."

 

She's tried to reach out to my brothers several times in the past. Much more than I have. She's initiated discussions about faith with them. The middle one said that I abandoned them and that he dislikes Christianity because I always chose ministry over family. The youngest said to her his faith is weak because he hates me so much and that he'll never forgive me unless I go to Atlanta and take over the mortgage of my mom's house (which he is currently paying for). She said that I always hurt those closest to me and my brothers are the ones I've hurt first. She might believe that unless I restore my relationship with my brothers, then I won't be able restore my relationship with her (a hypothesis).

 

Both my brothers are single and have very luxurious lifestyles. Neither of them are walking with the Lord. I've been a "goodie-goodie" my whole life and often did church/ministry stuff over family.

 

There's no guarantee that we'll be restored if I go back to Atlanta. But she's given me a clear directive and way for her to respect me and show her that I've truly changed. She's said to me several times that me being in Dallas is doing nothing to get her back but that it's just making her angry and irritated.

 

Personally, I really don't want to go back to Atlanta. I want to be close to my wife and serve her first. But because going to Atlanta is such a difficult step for me, I am wondering if this is the place where I die to myself. I would much rather stay in Dallas, get a job, become Christlike, support her in whatever way possible. This seems way easier than going to Atlanta.

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated. Especially from the ladies.

Edited by anon2000
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...