JoelandKathy Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 Note: We have "merged" a half dozen topics into one here.. this section will give you a crash course on how to use the men's section correctly. Joel here - If you are here for the FIRST time, then start a new topic, by hitting "start a new topic". However, after you start that one, then keep your ongoing dialogue inside of that topic. What brought this to my attention is that I noticed that tpique is posting a new TOPIC quite often. The forum is new to all of us, so I want to address how we prefer to do this. Instead of posting a new topic everytime you come to the forum, open up your existing topic(s) and hit reply. This way you can build one, or two, ongoing dialogues. One is best. The reason is so that someone can easily follow the progression of the mentoring help given. We are going to look into how to combine the four or five strings from tpique into one string. Men, we also want you to do your due diligence before starting to ask for help on the forum. That is pretty simple. Read the two books, and read all of the posts on the "For Men" section of the website. We have spent hundreds of hours answering questions from men in your shoes - and we have posted a percentage of those letters in that "for men" section. If you are posting for help here, before reading those letters, and before reading the two books, then you are not being considerate. (remember men, the problem in your marriages are rooted in your arrested development: Your marriage was all about you, all about your feelings, all about what you wanted, all about your selfishness. So, step one in getting over that is realizing that your feelings of pain are simply a further reflection of your selfishness. Your pain, if you do not re-direct it to considering how badly your wife and children feel - and just vent your pain on the forum, will do nothing more than drain the energy and life from our helpers on the forum. So, read the two books and read ALL of the "For Men" section - and then your posts/requests for guidance and help, will be much more productive. You will often be able to say, for example, "On the 'For Men' section of the website, Joel and Kathy suggested....." and you can then comment on your particulars. Also, copied from another post: Hi! Before posting, please read the "Rules" section in the miscellaneous portion of the forum. It is also helpful, if you are brand new and have lost your wife's heart and need to win her heart back, to read all of the other posts in this section and also the full "for men" section of the website at www.GodSaveMyMarriage.com There is so much help and so many questions are already answered. This will save our helpers a lot of time in not answering the same questions over and over again. There is AWESOME help in this forum. Blessings! Joel and Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted December 30, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hi men, We, for example, just typed two long answers to tpique. Our other helpers have given great responses to some others. I don't have time to get to the other new questions that every one of you have put in, but you can go to tpiques answer from us that is new - and read that - and also go to the answers put in by our other helpers to the other men - that are also brand new. So many answers apply to all. When we, or another helper gets to your string, then our answer will be specific to you, but will also apply to others. So, just realize. EVERY answer given by us or our helpers will also apply to you in one way or another. If you are coming here for help, don't post a question and then go fishing around at ten other forums for advice. It will be conflicting. We are real good at helping men to become Christlike and win their wives hearts back. If you want to do this the JoelandKathy way, then be committed, period. If you are going to different ministries that teach different ideas that are conflicting, then decide which one you are going to embrace. It is a waste of our time to give advice to you if you are going to "pick and choose" and then go to other sites to "pick and choose" their advice. You are control freaks, as a group, so your healing comes in giving up the right to control what you will do or won't do to become Christlike and thus win your wife's heart back. Your HEALING comes in giving up control and doing what is being advised to you to do! Our helpers are too good to be relegated to one of five different forums that you are picking and choosing advice from. This ministry cannot be successful in helping you if you are being tossed to and fro between different types of advice and theories about how to win your wife back. If you get help from other ministries that are committed to these same ideals, such as Ken Nair, or Connecting Relationships etc. - then that is fine, of course, and ENCOURAGED. WE LOVE YOU and we are COMMITTED to you, IF YOU are committed to this process. If you are going to become Christlike, and have the result of winning your family back, and rescuing them from the hell that you put them into - then you must be 100% committed. If you want to know how bad being wishy washy will mess you up (being committed for a couple months and then backsliding HARD, and then getting committed again, and then backsliding HARD - and if you want to konw how long this will extend things out,) then get to know RobLee. He is one of our kings of on again, off again, and getting so frustrated that he gives up, then picks himself up again - and he will tell you that you don't want to be in that place of wondering and doublemindedness. Rob, we are glad you are back on this journey again. The bible says a righteous man falls seven times and gets back up again. You keep getting up - and that is great - but don't you think you have used up your alottment of seven? Let's stay on the journey this time, 100%, and let's see an awesome miracle of you becoming completely, 100% Christlike!And this goes for every husband on this forum! You CAN do this. You CAN become Christlike. By the way, if you post, and don't get a personal reply from someone in 24 hours, just post an update by hitting reply again on your string. This will "bump" you up to the top again and give you more opportunity to get a personal reply from one of us or our helpers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted January 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 Joel here - If you are here for the FIRST time, then start a new topic, by hitting "start a new topic". However, after you start that one, then keep your ongoing dialogue inside of that topic. What brought this to my attention is that I noticed that tpique is posting a new TOPIC quite often. The forum is new to all of us, so I want to address how we prefer to do this. Instead of posting a new topic everytime you come to the forum, open up your existing topic(s) and hit reply. This way you can build one, or two, ongoing dialogues. One is best. The reason is so that someone can easily follow the progression of the mentoring help given. We are going to look into how to combine the four or five strings from tpique into one string. Men, we also want you to do your due diligence before starting to ask for help on the forum. That is pretty simple. Read the two books, and read all of the posts on the "For Men" section of the website. We have spent hundreds of hours answering questions from men in your shoes - and we have posted a percentage of those letters in that "for men" section. If you are posting for help here, before reading those letters, and before reading the two books, then you are not being considerate. (remember men, the problem in your marriages are rooted in your arrested development: Your marriage was all about you, all about your feelings, all about what you wanted, all about your selfishness. So, step one in getting over that is realizing that your feelings of pain are simply a further reflection of your selfishness. Your pain, if you do not re-direct it to considering how badly your wife and children feel - and just vent your pain on the forum, will do nothing more than drain the energy and life from our helpers on the forum. So, read the two books and read ALL of the "For Men" section - and then your posts/requests for guidance and help, will be much more productive. You will often be able to say, for example, "On the 'For Men' section of the website, Joel and Kathy suggested....." and you can then comment on your particulars. Also, copied from another post: Hi! Before posting, please read the "Rules" section in the miscellaneous portion of the forum. It is also helpful, if you are brand new and have lost your wife's heart and need to win her heart back, to read all of the other posts in this section and also the full "for men" section of the website at www.GodSaveMyMarriage.com There is so much help and so many questions are already answered. This will save our helpers a lot of time in not answering the same questions over and over again. There is AWESOME help in this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted January 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 There are posts by Tom for men that are very good. Be sure to take some time and go to the Connecting Relationships forum and read his string that is especially for men.http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=185&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted January 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 DORY AND NEMO ARE HOSTING A ONE HOUR GROUP MENTORING PHONE CALL MONDAY NIGHTS AT 8PM EASTERN TIME. YOU MUST CALL IN BY 8:15PM EASTERN TIME IF YOU WANT TO RECEIVE SOME HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE ARE OFFERING AN ADDITIONAL TIME FOR YOU TO CALL IN ON THE GROUP LINE. 512-716-6531 PARTICIPANT ACCESS CODE: 981128# DORY AND NEMO WOULD APPRECIATE ANY OTHER HELPERS WHO WOULD LIKE TO CALL IN AND BE AVAILABLE TO OFFER ANSWERS AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO THOSE CALLING IN FOR HELP. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP AND TO DORY AND NEMO FOR STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE TO OFFER THIS EXTRA HOUR. THIS MAY BE THE BEGINNING OF OUR 24 HOURS MARRIAGE MENTORING CALL IN LINES. AS OTHER HELPERS ARE ABLE TO COMMIT TO A SPECIFIC TIME EACH WEEK, MORE PHONE TIMES WILL BE ADDED. JOEL AND KATHY CONTINUE TO HOST ON THURSDAY NIGHTS. BLESSINGS, JOEL AND KATHY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted January 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 Okay. We have been praying. Here is the challenge. As you know, as a man who has lost his wife's heart and you are workig to win her back, you would love to be able to call us every day and get direction, guidance, help and encouragement. Guys, just to give you a background. We have spent probably 100 hours with Heath on the phone, and his wife is almost won back (was living with another man when he contacted us and has been with him for nine months.) We worked with Jan's husband for four months, hundreds of hours. Jan was ready go reunite with him and then he made that huge blunder of calling the other woman at three am, hiding it, and then claiming he called her to encourage her in her marriage. We have spent many hours encouraging James, from Tulsa. Many hours with many men. The results are awesome. The first two men we ever attempted this with were wonderfully restored to their wives. As you can see, the ministry is multiplying, thanks to the word of mouth that is happening all over the country. Every day we get five - twenty orders, representing new couples, new men who have lost their wives, and new wives who have uncooperative husbands. Basically, we have had to put a kabash on helping men on the phone privately, unless they agree to give an offering up front on the phone call. If not, we would be over-run and have no time for anything else. Currently, we are helping a few men privately who give $100 a month already. You know who you are. Yes, you can still call this week if there is an emergency. So, this is our plan: We will man the group phone line for two hours per week minimum - this will be one hour times, and at least twice a week. Currently, we are opening the lines THREE times a week as of May, 2008 These phone call times will be for men only. You will be able to talk to us directly and get specific help in your situation. Some weeks we will man the line for more than two seperate times. Sometimes these calls will go longer than an hour. So, the bare minimum in a month will be 8 hours. Some months we will be on the phone for twenty hours with you. We are asking each man who wants to participate in this phone coaching to set up to give us $100 per month as a regular offering on your credit card or debit card. This will compensate us for our time, and will insure that when you call for help, the coaching will be fruitful. We might set up a seperate password with the call in system just for this purpose, or we might use the existing passcode. The purpose of our coaching will be to help you become Christlike, isolate mistakes that you make when you are interacting with your wife, and help you in concrete ways with concrete help on how to win your wife's heart back. This week is for you to call us and get set up. Call us at 386-206-3128 if you would like to get set up for this. This will not be a time of us just talking - you can ask questions, tell us what is going on, what you said, what she said, etc. and we will coach you. If you decide not to participate in this weekly call, then you can get free help on the forum here and you can of course still access the Monday night call at 9 PM and the Thursday night call at ten pm and your only obligation is to make an offering of any size or buy a product of any size once every thirty days. By the way, we are allowing one or two men to come to each Intensive. This would be for that husband who is actually divorced, or it is apparent that your wife will not be willing to come to an Intensive for a long time. The preference though is that you and your wife will be able to come togeter asap. Yes, we do LOTS of counseling on the phone still, that is uncompensated. Way too much, actually, but when Cindy calls this morning, for example, and we spend 45 minutes with her - and her husband is living with his mother and she has no money and must get direction - we give free help. She did not create her messed up world. We want those calls to go onto Thursday nights, but it is not always possible - so, by paying for your coaching, you are also enabling us to help women like her for free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Resources offered by Joel & Kathy Davisson (Also known as J&K) Website � www.godsavemymarriage.comTestimonies, 100�s of pages counseling to men, J&K�s itinerary, order resources, etc. Books � The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His Livin� It & Lovin� It Both books also available on audiobook CD read by Joel & Kathy themselves and as an e-book. DVD�s � Live in Bradenton, a 8 hour seminar at Bradenton Assembly of God church June 2006 $50 Intensive Weekend, 15 hours from two different weekends, purchase pre-pays your way to an intensive $395 Weekend Marriage Intensive � Offered on a monthly basis in Palm Coast, FL, check the website for weekends, when one weekend is full the next one is scheduled. Conference calls - Thursday � 10 p.m. to midnight EST hosted by Joel & Kathy (or occasionally another couple they ask). If J&K have to get off and there are still people needing help, Michael & Annalea occasionally stay on the call. This is group marriage mentoring. You can ask questions or listen to others who are receiving help. Monday � 8 p.m. EST hosted by Nemo & Dory Other nights available as announced on this forum Feel free to join these calls your only obligation is a monthly offering of any size OR purchase or any product once every 30 days. Call 512-716-6531 when answered enter code 981128# (If you are told the call is full just wait on the line and an operator will come on and admit you to the call.) Men�s Coaching Program for Men Who Have Lost Their Wife � Joel offers a men�s coaching program for two hours a week. This is mainly for men who have lost their wife and they are working to win her heart back. Call him at 386-206-3128 and give your credit card information, or you can go online to the website and use the "Make a donation" or "help us to go" link. Fill out the information for monthly $100 donation and in the notes below, mention that you are signing up for the bi-weekly men only group coaching conference call. This will not be a time of Joel and Kathy just talking - you can ask questions, tell us what is going on, what you said, what she said, etc. and they will coach you. Private Mentoring for couples with the most serious, urgent and immediate issues and needs - Call Joel and Kathy at 386-206-3128 for details. *See "Marriage Mentoring for Couples Working Together" on the next heading for additional mentoring. Marriage Mentoring for Couples Working Together � Tom & Judy offer mentoring to couples, 1 hour weekly one-on-one phone calls, unlimited emails, couple connecting activities and exercises, accountability, reading assignments and more. Available for a monthly donation ($100 suggested). Go to the Connecting Relationships section of the forum for more information. MP3 recordings - Recordings of past conference calls are available to purchase on the website. One two hour MP3 recording is given free as a Thank you gift when you place an order with Joel and Kathy online. Newsletter Archives � www.godsavemymarriage.injesus.comWeekly newsletter archives from July 2006 to present contain testimonies, teachings and more. Other recommended books available on the website - Discovering the Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair Discovering the Heart of a Man by Ken Nair Angry Men and the Women who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom Broken Children, Grown Up Pain by Paul Hegstrom Does God Really Prefer Men? No Longer Will I Hide The Stranger in My Bed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted February 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2008 Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 3:59 pm Post subject: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi everyone. We need to address the private messaging feature of the forum. Hurting people are private messaging to others to get personal, private words of encouragement, instead of posting on the forum. This is counterproductive. The forum is for hurting couples, husbands or wives, to get help, direction and encouragement. The secondary reason, and the reason it is a public forum, is because there are many people who need help - and the help that one person gets can ultimately help hundreds, when the forum is used correctly. If someone sends a private message to you, please simply reply with the following, or something like it: "Please post this on the forum and let me know it is there. I will reply to you in the string." You could also just copy their private message and put it in a reply on their public topic as a "quote" and answer it there. Just reply via PM to let them know that you answered them privately. 90% of the e-mail requests that we get for help can be handled on the forum. We direct people to the forum and we, along with all of our great helpers, offer help here. We DO want people to be anonymous. Change names. Use user ID names that are not identifiable. And yes, you can private message anyone to simply say, "I posted in so and so section, My username is so and so. My real name is so and so. Can you help me by reading my post and answering me?" We have discovered that some folks, who have not posted in their string for a week or two, were carrying on private message conversations with those who were helping them on the forum. Let's stop this from happening. Hey, we understand. EVERYONE wants private attention. However, that is being selfish. If you are getting help, others need to also benefit. There is nothing new, under the sun. Others need to be comforted with the same help that you are receiving! Our helpers are too good to hide under a rock! They need to let their light shine! Thank you for your help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy Posted April 7, 2008 Report Share Posted April 7, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy Posted April 7, 2008 Report Share Posted April 7, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Let's remember to always use stage names or user names in our posts, especially when writing about husbands, wives, children etc.We've had problems with spouses discovering what was written about them, or a wife suddenly in danger.Use initials when referring to pastors, churches, co-workers, etc.Please also remember this is the World Wide Web and anyone can access these forums.Just be safe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledbyfire Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 where is the "for men" section? of the website/boards? LFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 where is the "for men" section? of the website/boards?LFB http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewforum.php?f=3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted December 14, 2008 Report Share Posted December 14, 2008 JoelandKathy Moderator Joined: 05 Oct 2007 Posts: 1760 Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi Michael, have missed you on the calls. Want to encourage you again to get back on the mindset of winning your wife's heart back. Great to hear about the time that you are getting to spend with the children and with Joy as a family. Yes, there is more pain when you continue to focus on the plan: Winning your wife's heart back. Becoming Christlike at the same time. Dealing with your issues. Wives will work for years and years to win their husband's hearts back - even though the bible does not prescribe an agape love pursuit for a wife to pursue a husband for years like that. It is hard for a guy to focus on pursuing his wife for the two years or more that we ask for. However, it is the path to maximized growth. When you focus on becoming Christlike AND winning your wife's heart back, you are feeling the pain that she felt for the years that she pursued your heart. Compartmentalizing that pain away and focusing only on yourself and your growth - (and yes, you are doing GREAT in staying focused on the children - which is a part of this also - a HUGE part) - but compartmentalizing the pain of pursuing your wife and tucking it away - is shortchanging part of your growth. No one ever said it is easy. It was not easy to break your wife's heart that was fasted upon you for years. It is not easy to bring that heart back. However, if you just exist, and don't put effort into winning her heart - then again, you are shortchanging your growth process. You can't really legitimately look up after two years and say, "I put two years in and she did not open her heart to me." - when in fact, for part of that two years, you compartmentalized that pain and quit working to win her heart back. Yes, we guys function better in life by compartmentalizing - but we don't grow. I make myself stay concious of Shekinah for this exact reason. We have pictures and I read things that people send us and see utube videos and things. It would be much easier for me to compartmentalize and just go on in life - but that would not develope my maturity. Am proud of you and looking for great things - and a restored marriage - if you turn your heart back to pursuing that direction. Either way, I am proud of all of you guys who are facing difficult circumstances of your own making - and are doing your best to stand strong and follow the Spirit of God. _________________ Love and Blessings! Joel of Joel and Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dory Posted February 5, 2009 Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Joel asked me to post this exchange with a writer - the names have been changed. 2009-02-04 Subject: Suspicious & Jealous Wife, marriage in big problem Hi, Joel and Kathy I am a minister and my wife is always suspicious when a lady in my home church or any other place in the world talks to me or wants to talk to me. I always talk to women in front of my wife but after that she accuses me of having an affair with her. Even on the road, if a car passes by and there are women in that car she says you were staring at them from the rear view mirror.This is not all, but I can't minister in this situation.What shall I do, shall I quit the ministry? Plz help me. Yours in HIMJeremy Jeremy, This is just a matter of making sure that your wife is number one. A man can flirt and second look and not even know it. Let your wife be "right' and you be "wrong" when she feels like you are being attracted to someone - and say, "thank you for pointing that out. I don't want ANY woman to EVER think that I would be interested in her." Why don't you get our books and call in on our group call tomorrow night? Blessings! Joel of Joel and Kathy Dear Joel and Kathy, Thanks for the reply, I shall do it as you said.I can't call in front of my wife because she thinks I am the one who is the problem. Over the years she has accused me to have relationship with more then 200 women.Thanks for your help, I shall try to read your books. Yours in HIMJeremy Jeremy Well, you SHOULD call with the attitude of "I have a problem. My wife has been trying to point it out to me for years and I just don't understand it. She is on the line - honey, would you tell them what I am doing so they can help me get over it? I really want to be a great husband and want you to be a happy, happy wife! Happy wife, happy life! The truth is that you probably ARE flirting and second looking without realizing it. You need to come at this from that angle. If your wife is wrong, we will figure that out in time and help you. For now, assume she is correct - because her general idea is probably correct. (that you have a problem with "women". There are deep reasons in a man - that motivate him - and he does not even realize how he is appearing to women. You ought to have someone do a confidential survey of women whom you have known through the years: "Do you feel like Pastor so and so ever flirted with you or looked at you in lust? - your answer will be COMPLETELY confidential." Remember - if you ARE flirting, then there are OTHER women who realize it - not just your wife! Blessings,Joel of Joel and Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stepbystep Posted March 3, 2009 Report Share Posted March 3, 2009 how can I change my name on my post is that possible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted March 3, 2009 Report Share Posted March 3, 2009 Yes.. PM either Giving Hope or Dory and they can change the name for you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thisisourgod2008 Posted June 4, 2009 Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 is there anything that can be done to allow them to avail themselves to the phone calls. Already bought both of the books. Down to one to two days a week please advise me thru private email thisisourgod2008@yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 For men who would like to join the men's calls, call Joel at 386-206-3128 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xavier55 Posted August 23, 2010 Report Share Posted August 23, 2010 i can not afford the phone calls and need help in my marriage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted November 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 For anyone in Xavier's shoes... there is a ton of self-help reading in this section and in the "For Men" section at our main website www.GodSaveMyMarriage.com Take note though, that we cannot gaurantee "no divorce" if you spend $100 per month on the men's calls - there is a chance that a divorce can be averted.. and you are going to spend a lot more than $100 per month on a divorce. The $100 per month is equal to ONE marriage counseling session at a local counselor. We give you 12-14 calls each month for only $100. It is a "give away" price. If you can give more, please do as we do not charge enough for anything to cover our budget and rely on love gifts to make up the difference. Also - remember that you can sell "Legal Shield" and easily make $100 per month.. you can make $100 in an hour with legal shield. One new full member in a month pays you $100. Where there is a will, there is a way - in most cases. I doubt that many of our guys can "afford" the $100 per month. It is a priority. We would love to help you on the calls. We put a lot of time and energy into helping our guys, we call wives when it seems the time is right and our guys call us in emergencies on our personal numbers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weakbutstrong Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Can I sign up if I live in Canada? I can't afford to not get help. Edited March 14, 2012 by weakbutstrong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelandKathy Posted March 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 Yes - the calls are available from anywhere in the world. Call me at 386-206-3128 to say hi and register.. if you get my voice mail and want to be on Thursday night at 9 pm eastern time, call Marsha to register at 386-547-5729 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Good guidance. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewforum.php?f=3 I tried that link and it does not seem to be working currently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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