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Just a quick check-in.  I want to share in praise for our 9th birthday for our daughter this weekend.  My wife did and AMAZING job pulling all the details together.  We had a family and friends over and it was such a success.  We continued into Sunday doing coffee and donuts at church for the first time and then having friends from church over later in the day.  I am so blessed to have Mourning Cloak as my wife. 

 

Two songs came up this weekend that reminded me of God's blessings in my life...

 

One by Laura Story, titled Blessings, that reminds me God is in control and I don't always see how he is working but I trust in Him to complete the good work He started...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc

 

 

The other song is from Sanctus Real, titled Lead Me, that encapsulates a lot about what this ministry teaches and how we as husbands and fathers can live out our faith in Christ...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc

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I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak.  Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others.  Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband.  She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  She sees success as making God smile.  She makes God smile everyday.


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I am thankful for the best Father's day ever!  I was so thankful to take a family day trip and was blessed by out children and especially my wife.  God is so good even when I fail he shows me the way to get up and hold onto His promises.  

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Thanks MJ.  I praise God with you.  I see more quickly how I wound my wife and I am learning how to bring healing and be patient.  I am thankful for God's forgiveness and a wife who allows me to grow with her.  I see how I can easily wound her if I am not considerate of her in all areas of my life.  I see that as I draw closer to God I am drawn closer to my wife and vice versa.  Simply put I can't have a amazing relationship with my wife if my own walk with the Lord is not aligned properly.  There are still bumps, but how we navigate them is much better than it ever has as I turn to God and hold to His promises.  I call out in faith that the Lord is doing a might work, that my wife is healed and our relationship is restored and healthy.  I am confident in Romans 8:28 and grateful for another day to love God, my wife and family.

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I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak.  Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others.  Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband.  She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  She sees success as making God smile.  She makes God smile everyday.

 

Please pray for me that I heed God's calling in my life, that fear is cast out and that He shields me.  I pray my thoughts are held captive and that His joy and peace abounds.  Romans 12 has been a devotion for me today and this week. Whether situations go the way I want or not I praise God for His love is amazing and passes understanding.  I am grateful for my wife and children, they have taught me so much.  Lord I cry out to you, I serve you to the best of my ability.  I pray I bring you honor and glory.  I love you Lord. Amen.

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I thank You, my God, that "the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us (ongoing) from all sin." I John 1: 7

 

I thank You that Choose Love is a son of the Living God, that fear and unrest has no place in him! Thank You, my God, that he is free to worship You, to give honour and praise to Your Name, no matter what!

 

Thank You, Jesus!

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Hi all,

 

I wanted to offer up a praise report as my wife and I celebrated our 10th year of marriage this past July 16.  We took a family road trip vacation to Montana and Yellowstone to celebrate.  While all did not go accordingly to plan overall I think i turned out positive.  It has been good to be back home.  I continue to workout my former passive-aggressive tendencies including ways I have been manipulative and controlling still dying to self.  I tell you it is becoming easier to recognize the behavior in myself and now my young son too! I so desire for our marriage to be completely healed and that we can reach and go beyond the 20 hugs, smiles, kisses and compliments.  Each day is an opportunity to bless my wife and family and be thankful for the work God is doing.

 

I was reminded today to continue to put on the armour of God.  We are called to be warriors in Christ.  May our lives be a love offering sustained by the amazing God we serve.  I love my wife and family and thankful that I have another day with them.

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I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak.  Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others.  Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband.  She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  She sees success as making God smile.  She makes God smile everyday.

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I am glad to hear of your recent anniversary celebration! I am super glad that you are aware that this is an ongoing process of maturity and restoring safety and trust. I am particularly happy to hear that you are recognizing your passive-aggressive behaviors more and more! And when you see them in your son, that means you really are getting your vision back! Good Job!

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Thank you 4evr and MaryJane.  I really do appreciate your encouragement.  I wanted to mention one of the books I am reading currently that is helpful in the passive-aggressive front, Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man: Coping with Hidden Aggression - From the Bedroom to the Boardroom by Scott Wetzler.  That in combination with several of the books on men I have recently read have really helped to get a much needed perspective and kick in the pants.  I have found the longer I work at this the stronger I become, able to face down fear with courage from God, not waiting for feelings or confidence to come, but rather commit to the process and trust that as I am obedient to God all things will work out according to His great plan for my life.  

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Verse of the day...

 

1 Peter 5:10New International Version (NIV)

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong,firm and steadfast.

 

I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak.  Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others.  Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband.  She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  She sees success as making God smile.  She makes God smile everyday.

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Hi all,

 

I have a question on boundaries as a marriage is healed.  Unfortunately part of the problems in the marriage stemmed from the fact we did not set-up good boundaries as a couple and that started with me as the man not being the leader I needed to be living in a Christlike way.  With that said I have not pushed for boundaries and left things fairly open as I have worked to win my wife's heart back.  So now that we are in the process of healing and working toward an OHM I have a reoccuring thought/concern that we need to set-up boundaries to protect and guard our marriage going forward.  If you have input on resources to this end I would greatly appreciate it.  I want to make sure to check my motives (not being controlling or manipulative) and at the same time ensure that I am doing everything I can to put a hedge around our marriage and family.   Thank you.

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What kind of boundaries are you referring to, CL?

 

I prefer the term "initiator" to "leader" since you are "leading" your family TOGETHER. ie. Children are to obey their mother AND their father. Sorry, got off on a tangent.

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Thanks MJ.  I like initiator too, a true leader is about serving others as well.  What I have been praying about is primarily how we set-up our online accounts and interaction with the opposite sex.  I have all my accounts and passwords in one place that Mourning Cloak has access to but she still maintains different accounts of which some I know about, but none I have access to (checking myself here regarding control issues).  I am especially guarded here as I want to make sure I am as transparent as I can because of my own issues (i.e., porn, talking to so many people).  I trust God, but I always want to be as "wise as a serpent" and not leave myself open to temptation knowing my wife could check on me at anytime and of course that God is always watching me too.  :eek:

 

The other primary area of boundaries is our own intimacy and working to establish that again in a way that is healing, healthy and wholesome.  I have found it difficult to even bring-up the ideas of boundaries without Mourning Cloak becoming defensive so I have looked to my own actions to see what is causing her to react that way.  I am still struggling with identifying my motives as to truly to the health and well-being of the marriage or is it meet my own selfish needs.  I would ask for prayers of discernment as I do not want to do anything that would harm my wife in any way, but rather help to establish better communication and expectations, being clear about our needs and desires.

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Good morning all,

 

Following-up on my earlier posts.  This month we have been reading Proverbs as a family and the last two days have covered Proverbs 5 and 6 and this has fueled my thoughts in the area of being guarded and setting-up boundaries.  The verses that jumped out at me were as follows

 

Proverbs 5

15 Drink water from your own cistern,

    running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
    your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
    never to be shared with strangers.

 

23 For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly.

 

Proverbs 6

27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
    without his clothes being burned?
28 Can a man walk on hot coals
    without his feet being scorched?
32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense;
    whoever does so destroys himself.
 
I have not directly asked my wife if she is still in contact with other men who have crossed the line in our relationship, but I pretty sure that door has not been completely closed/severed.  I have not pushed this point because of the own issues I have been focusing on for the last couple years.  I am seeking discernment in how God can use me to bring healing to her life, being the better man, so she sheds the desire to maintain those connections.  I perceive it is one of the reasons why there is still distance between our physical intimacy, albeit not the sole reason, more a contributing factor.  I appreciate insight and guidance here as I know I need to be careful to be both gentle as a lamb and strong and bold as a lion, being self-disciplined and obedient to Christ.
 
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  So now that we are in the process of healing and working toward an OHM I have a reoccurring thought/concern that we need to set-up boundaries to protect and guard our marriage going forward.  If you have input on resources to this end I would greatly appreciate it.  I want to make sure to check my motives (not being controlling or manipulative) and at the same time ensure that I am doing everything I can to put a hedge around our marriage and family.   Thank you.

 

My first thought here, ChooseLove is that boundaries are things that each individual sets up for themselves. We don't set up boundaries for another person. That's when it gets controlling. And in a situation like yours it is simply best to model good boundaries. Not require them of your wife. The finest thing you can do to put a hedge around your marriage and family is to pursue knowing God and build a wall of holy fire through prayer.

 

Read Isaiah 30:15 and 32:17 and whatever else the Lord shows you in between those two verses. God is the defender of your covenant!

 

On the practical side, you can lovingly express to your wife things like: "I am so glad we have each other and that we are learning to work together. I am so glad you have forgiven me." And other such things.. as long as they are genuine and heartfelt expressions of what you truly feel and believe and not meant to persuade or manipulate her reactions.

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Thanks 4evr.  I think I just needed to hear that again as it confirmed for me I need to work on my own boundaries and be clear about them in my own mind.  I struggle sometimes with difference between boundaries and standards.  I truly appreciate your insights here.

 

After reading those verses what stuck out to me was as I repent and turn to God, receiving His salvation, that I need to trust Him, be quiet and receive His strength. Peace is reflective of the fruit of righteousness and God desires for us to live in such a way that He will secure it and not only that but provide confidence in what He is doing our lives.

 

 
It is interesting what you said about the practical side of things as I shared this image with her today via facebook which she smiled back.  :) I am so thankful for her, that I get to show her love everyday.  Thanks again 4evr to taking time to share with me.
 
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Your welcome! I don't get on here often and I am glad I happened to see your post. More than half the time the forum is inaccessible to me and I don't know why??

 

I am glad you got on as well.  I don't know why the forum continues to be on and off.  It really has affected how people use the site.  It looks like there are just a few people that use the site now.  It is such a great resource I wish others took advantage of it.  Both you and MJ have been a great help to me.  It is very useful to get a woman's perspective.  Thank you again.  

 

Hopefully Joel and Kathy will ensure the site is maintained.  I think TimothyPaul does most of the maintenance but he is also busy maintaining Ephesians 5:25 Ministries as well.  

 

Please pray for me and my wife as we have a breakfast date tomorrow.  I want to discover ways with her to build on our intimacy, understanding better where she is in the healing process and how we can rekindle the spark in a way that is mutually beneficial.  I have been reading a couple of other resources including 31 Days to Great Sex and the Bring Back the Spark Workshop and previously read Sex With a Married Woman and want to bring that knowledge and understanding to bless my wife.  

 

Honestly it has been difficult to remain focused and vigilant at times when intimacy is withheld and I initiate and initiate meeting a lukewarm response or outright rejection. I really am striving to meet her where she is at, while also being clear about my wants and desires as well.  As a formerly passive-aggressive man I see how I have NOT been clear in making my wants and desires known.  Now that I have become more confident in this area I am still learning how to better communicate with my wife as she is so used to my former self.

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I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak.  Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others.  Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband.  She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  She sees success as making God smile.  She makes God smile everyday.

 

Today I specifically pray for the rebuilding of trust, removal of secrets, so we may live a transparent life in Christ.  Let not the devil gain a foothold and let us draw nearer to Christ.

 

Two articles that stood out to me today were

There is still a lot of healing to take place, specifically in regards to privacy.  Before I found this ministry I did not honor Mourning Cloak's privacy and fear and anxiety drove me to me consumed with knowing all the details of her life in an unhealthy way.  I have come a fair distance since late 2013, but the wounds are still there.  I still struggle at times, wanting to know more, but most days my desires to know more really is to bless her.  What is on her mind, what gift can I get her, what has captured her interests?  Thank you friends for your continued prayers over our marriage.

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A Proverb to meditate on is 12:23 - The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves, but a fool's heart blurts out folly.

 

Verse 23 Note, 1. He that is wise does not affect to proclaim his wisdom, and it is his honour that he does not. He communicates his knowledge when it may turn to the edification of others, but he conceals it when the showing of it would only tend to his own commendation. Knowing men, if they be prudent men, will carefully avoid every thing that savours of ostentation, and not take all occasions to show their learning and reading, but only to use it for good purposes, and then let their own works praise them. Ars est celare artem—The perfection of art is to conceal it. 2. He that is foolish cannot avoid proclaiming his folly, and it is his shame that he cannot: The heart of fools, by their foolish words and actions,proclaims foolishness; either they do not desire to hide it, so little sense have they of good and evil, honour and dishonour, or they know not how to hide it, so little discretion have they in the management of themselves, Eccl. 10:3 .

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