TimothyPaul Posted October 1, 2015 Report Share Posted October 1, 2015 David, The very first thoughts I had when reading this were; does she feel safe, secure and emotionally connected? Even in the best of circumstances, humans have a very difficult time being vulnerable. Trust is earned, not given by grace, so based on the history, for her to be able to open up, may take a very long time. TP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimothyPaul Posted October 1, 2015 Report Share Posted October 1, 2015 Oh, and if it were my prayer, I wouldn't pray that she opens up, etc. I would pray that I, as a representative of Christ, would use the power and wisdom provided through the Holy Spirit, to make her see God's love through me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks TP. I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out. Very helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted October 12, 2015 Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 You doing alright, CL? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Hi MJ thanks for checking in. I am glad to see the forum up today. Yes I am doing good, thanks be to God. Still not where I want our marriage to be, but I pray daily that it does become outrageously happy and that we experience God's healing. My personal struggle is taking my primary love languages (physical touch and words of affirmation) to God. I would welcome more of that from my wife. I keep my head up and seek to bless regardless of her actions.I pray daily that my actions are not transactional and simply love her for who she is and where she is at. I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2015 Quick praise report. I had to travel out of town this week and all went well including the return home. I am so thankful for my wife and family. Thank you Jesus for the many blessing in my life, may I bless and love others out of that abundance. I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted October 16, 2015 Report Share Posted October 16, 2015 Can you give us a glimpse of your return home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2015 Hi MJ, there was a bit more warth. I see glimpses of my wife open up, even says she loves me. There were some nice, short messages exchanged while coming home. While no fireworks, I still do my best to initiate and stoke the fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2015 Please pray for me, that I continue to call on the Lord's strength. It is hard to continue to face distance and withholding affection from my wife. I struggle with easily offending my wife, for example after our devotion this morning, our daughter suggested a gift for a friend who is turning 8 today and whom they would see later. I mentioned an item our daughter saw a couple weeks ago at a local store and that irritated my wife. I saws she was on edge and reassured our daughter that my wife would make sure it is taken care of and left it at that (no more suggestions or input from me).I went to give her a hug and a kiss goodbye in the morning met with a cool response. I often feel like I am walking on eggshells doing my best not to set her off. I really do seek to be a source of life and strength and not a downer, but some days it really is a challenge to remain vigilant and the wind in my sails can be attacked/zapped if I am not on guard. Recently it seems I have been under attack with visual images that would cause me to lust and I need to breakaway from that and continue to put up guardrails. I feel the real struggle Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 7. Please also pray that in my journey to become more Christlike I create an environment of safety to where my wife will one day be able to open-up completely and keep no secrets. We read as a family Psalm 24 today and a couple verses stood out at me. 4The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,who does not trust in an idolor swear by a false god.a5They will receive blessing from the Lordand vindication from God their Savior.Lord, I pray cleanse me from all unrighteousness and create a clean heart in me. Let me not be deceived or be a deceiver, let the truth shine in me and live a transparent life in Christ. Amen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted October 20, 2015 Report Share Posted October 20, 2015 I hear what you're saying. This is cliche, but you never know around what corner the breakthrough will come! Have you ever read, Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers? It might be an idea. It's fiction, but based on the Book of Hosea. This lady knows how to write. I, and a lot of others, absolutely loved it! Not because it was syrupy sweet. No, no. It's not. Some parts are hard to read. However, the hero is the kind of husband we would all like to have. He's the kind of husband Christ is for his Bride, the Church. I say read it, while you wait for your breakthrough. God bless you with the wisdom and courage you may be needing right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks MJ. Yes I did read that book and it was great, actually had me tear up a few times. Perhaps I need to read it again or another one her books. At one point I know he let's her go and finally they are reunited quite sometime later - a breakthrough for sure. Lord, I know you can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My wife is so precious to me and I believe in your promises and know you want goodness in our lives. I pray that you continue to use me as your instrument of love, being a light in the world. Thank you Jesus, you are amazing. I know we will have an outrageously happy marriage. Amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 ChooseLove,Has your wife agreed to a reconciliation? (I'm sorry I haven't read your whole thread. 3 out of 4 times i try to get on here i can't for some reason??) I am not understanding how you two are living together and praying together but she still doesn't want any close connection with you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted October 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Hi 4evr, Thanks for checking in. Yes, thankfully we have been on the road of reconciliation and celebrated our 10th anniversary in July. Recently she has been a bit more receptive to my hugs and kisses. There are multiple complications here in the physical connection area. I have been reading and praying a lot about physical intimacy and inviting the Holy Spirit to guide and direct my words and actions. There will be a time I foresee where we will need to address the continued disconnect but I have been checking myself so as not be manipulative seeking my own gratification. I pray that as I lay down my life and love her where she is at that would draw nearer to God and in turn me. It appears that is the case but Satan is tricky and seeks to destroy what has been in the process of being restored. I know God will have the victory in all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Okay, good. I have been wondering too how you were doing. Glad you are still on course! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted November 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Quick praise report - I was out of town for a couple of days and returned home to a warm welcome yesterday. I was able to give more hugs and kisses and saw continued warmth. Thank you Lord! We are praying for my wife's aunt today who is having surgery for a mass/tumor on her brain. Please pray for her, that she may be completely healed. She is an awesome woman of God and a true light in this world. The verse for the day... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted November 4, 2015 Report Share Posted November 4, 2015 Warm welcome! What encouraging words! In Jesus' Name, we speak for complete healing for ChooseLove's wife's aunt. Let the Name of our God be glorified in this lady's life. And may the Holy Spirit have free rein in the circumstances of all of these. Thank You God of all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted November 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) Thanks MJ. Praise report for the surgery for Mourning Cloak's aunt went well, now onto oncologist for further updates. Please continue to pray for continued healing. Also today Mourning Cloak was not feeling well, she also needs prayers of healing. I have been seeking the Holy Spirit and praying intently and I keep coming back to this idea... We have continued distance and secrecy in the marriage. I know a breakthrough is coming and I am seeking God's wisdom, that He guide my words, thoughts and deeds. There is surely a spiritual battle going on and I am fighting fiercely for our marriage. I know God is my shield and protector. He is equipping me to be strong and courageous, speaking truth in love, facing down fear and rejection, owning my thoughts, words and deeds, being accountable to God. Thank you Lord for this day and time, for I know you have great plans for me. Edited November 12, 2015 by ChooseLove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted November 18, 2015 Report Share Posted November 18, 2015 May the wisdom that is from above be clearly at work in you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimothyPaul Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 We have continued distance and secrecy in the marriage. Hmmm - curious about this, epecially since you used the word "we". Can you share more information? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted November 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Hi TP, thanks for the prompting. Yes, I do say "we" as that is how I look at our marriage, for a long time it was more as an individual, as my wife would say you are living like you are single. I have made a more conscious choice to turn toward the marriage and embrace that we are made to be one in Christ. We are not completely healed as a marriage unit and not at the place where there is complete transparency. I read this article, 10 Signs You're in a Relationship With a Passive-Aggressive, and the first point stuck out as to where we often get stuck. I used to be the one to shut down more often than her and now it has switched and has been this way for sometime. Praying for a breakthrough, that God would use me to bless her and demonstrate God's amazing love for her. It challenging to face this over time and I seek the joy of the Lord to be my strength in spite of it. 1. The Silent Treatment/The Cold ShoulderDeliberately and unreasonably not communicating with you. In personal relationships, the purpose of the silent treatment is often intended to keep you off balance, to imply that you “did something wrong,” and that you’re being punished. A variation of the silent treatment is to withhold love and affection. In this case, there is some communication, but the attitude and tone are curt and abrupt. Topics of conversation are superficial and unemotional. By withholding intimacy, the passive-aggressive sends the message that you have done something to displease her or him, and accordingly are now suffering the consequences*.*This type of passive-aggressive behavior should be distinguished from the normal “cooling off” period after a dispute, where some healthy distance might be needed before reconnecting. A passive-aggressive uses the distance as emotional punishment, rather than restoration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted November 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Read an interesting article entitled Gratitude May Be Key to Wedded Bliss. Lord help me when I am not thankful, looking at faults or complaining about my spouse. Let me bring you my hurts and pains and be a source of joy and peace that can only come from you to bless my wife and family. I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted November 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2015 November 24 - SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:If you can position yourself to be in the flow of My Spirit, you will experience a time of great grace. It will be a time of favor and acceptance, which affords joy, pleasure, sweetness and delight. However, you must release yourself from all worry and fear and forgive those who have wronged you in any way. Be free so that you can enjoy this time of grace, says the Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:3 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted November 29, 2015 Report Share Posted November 29, 2015 Good word! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Today is roughly the two year anniversary of when I came to the ministry when our marriage was at the lowest point. I can honestly say we have stepped back from the edge and are more stable today. I am thankful for a great family trip to Disneyland and look forward to the holidays and what the future holds. My hope is in Christ, certain that He will fulfill His promises. I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of Mourning Cloak. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others. Mourning Cloak sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband. She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit. She sees success as making God smile. She makes God smile everyday. Edited December 5, 2015 by ChooseLove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Praying this today from Habakkuk 3, thanks 4evr... Habakkuk Rejoices in the Lord17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.19 God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. as well as Romans 5 Peace with God Through Faith5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith[b] into this grace in which we stand, and we[c] rejoice[d] in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Edited December 4, 2015 by ChooseLove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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