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I'm not a helper on here, but thought I might add my two-cents worth. ChooseLove, I've so enjoyed reading a lot of what you've said on here. But I agree with the others- something about that prayer always bothered me. I have never taken the time to figure out why it affected me negatively. But I agree with the others, it does tend to come across as 'holier than thou'. As if you know her problems and how she needs fixed, rather than truly asking for God's will and blessing for her.  If I had read that prayer from my husband, I would have been very resistant, resentful, and probably angry. I would not have felt that he was truly loving and blessing me from a place of humility.  I really like the suggestions 4evr made for changes to the prayer.

 

Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe you are thinking something along this line: "Yes, I need to fix myself. But she had the worse sin, and she needs to be getting fixed, too...for my benefit." So your concerns for her are still basically centered around yourself, your wants and needs.

 

Please forgive me if I'm all out in left field about this. Like I said, I've really enjoyed a lot of what you've posted, and even printed off some for my husband to read. So keep up the good work!

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Hi all,

 

Thank you ladies for pouring into me.  I truly appreciate the thoughtful insights.  It is interesting points you all raise about the prayer.  I orginally found it online at http://www.shalombewithyou.com/prayer/family/prayer-for-blessing-of-a-wife/and it was written by a woman.  I really do believe you are all onto something though in my attitude or approach being unconsciously "holier than thou."   I confessed to my wife last week that I believe there was/is some residue there.  I believe there was some healing this past week as I started to acknowledge that.  I am going to ruminant on the rewritten prayer you provided 4evr - thank you!

 

Overall I would say that I see some signs of warming, in fact my wife was able to finally tell me she does not like me.  I was able to listen and not be defensive.  She asked if there were other women on the couples calls who felt the same way about their husbands and I reassured that they did.  Perhaps in the future she may be willing to get back on a call, I am thankful she is even discussing it with me!  We ended up having a good weekend as I took her and the kids out to dinner on Saturday night including a yummy dessert.  Sunday we all went to church together and visited another couple in the afternoon.  Knowing where she is at is very helpful to me and the fact she could tell me to my face has helped us both.

 

This morning God put it in my mind to focus on what I GET to do and not what I WANT to do.  I get to be with my wife and children.  I get to bless them everyday.  I get to share love and pursue God with them.  I thank you Lord for all that you allow me to do!  I trust God is working out the details as I pursue Him and my wife one step at a time.  Have a blessed week friends. 

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This is all good!  :)    For some reason I feel led to post this old Rodgers and Hammerstein song for you. Don't really know why but sit down with the Lord and let Him minister to you as you listen, OK?                        

Edited by 4evrHZdtr3
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Thanks for sharing the song 4evr.  I see how it relates to me and how I am loving my wife.  I keep focusing on what I get to do and how I can bless her.  I know I need to find my own peace and joy each day whether or not she is responding the way I would like her to.  It is an act of will, thankfully spurred on by my faith, to be mindful and find ways to choose love and joy despite the circumstances I find myself in.

 

I made it to the gym today and I see a difference when I am able to workout in my mental well-being in addition to the physical.  Other good news is that we have a date night lined up finally for this coming Saturday.  She suggested a favorite Greek restaurant.  I am looking forward to the one on one time with her.  We have not been able to have a regular date night for awhile as we don't have a reliable babysitter.  So overall more positive than negative.  Onward and upward.

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Thanks for sharing the song 4evr.  I see how it relates to me and how I am loving my wife.

Could you elaborate on this a little more??

 

 I keep focusing on what I get to do and how I can bless her.  Good!!

 

 

 I know I need to find my own peace (from the source of all Peace, hopefully)  and joy each day whether or not she is responding the way I would like her to.  Yes! That's true love...

 

 

It is an act of will, thankfully spurred on by my faith, to be mindful and find ways to choose love and joy despite the circumstances I find myself in.

Yes, it does require many daily decisions.... but somewhere in the process the Love of God comes like a current and washes over and through you.. lifting you up to see more, do more and be more...

 

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I thought it would be helpful to review the lyrics...

 

Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful Lyrics
 

Prince: 
Do I love you because you're beautiful, 
or are you beautiful because I love you?
Am I making believe I see in you a girl too lovely to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful, 
or are you wonderful because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream 
or are you really as beautiful as you seem?

Cinderella Musical: 
Am I making believe I see in you a man too perfect to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful, 
or are you wonderful because I want you?

Both: 
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream 
or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/soundtracks/c/cinderellamusicallyrics/doiloveyoubecauseyourebeautifullyrics.html

 

I would say as I came into this ministry it was more I love you because you are beautiful.  My wife loved me the way I wanted to be loved, it was more about me.  Now I love her more than ever and truly see her beauty deeper each day. While she is still beautiful it is more because I see her with better eyes, I pray more in the way God sees her.  I see past the superficial and deeper into who she is as a sister in Christ and fellow heir to the kingdom of God.  I think that is what makes the current journey so challenging.  My love grows in spite of the circumstances and I see how great our relationship can be.  Oh what God must go through with us His children and how much He desires relationship with us, not because we are beautiful or wonderful in and of ourselves, but because of how amazing a relationship we may have when we abide in Him.  We are made beautiful and wonderful as we draw nearer to Him and embrace His love. 

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Another song to share for the day.  This was our second dance at our wedding.  Now that I listen to the words they mean more today then back on July 16, 2005 when we danced to them for the first time as husband and wife.  Steady as we go.  Yes, hard times will come, but my love with remain with you my beautiful wife.  I love you so very much.  Your ever loving husband, forever and ever...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87jG1ryTay8

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Quick praise report.  Overall warming trend.  Had a very nice weekend and date night on Saturday.  Looking forward to even better days to come.

 

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask for and speak  blessings over my wife. I thank You Lord that You are healing her heart with Your Perfect Love. I pray for my wife's beauty - inside and out- to become as evident to her as it is to everyone else and that she would be encouraged and blessed by this revelation. I pray for strength and stability in my wife's emotions and thoughts. I ask for Your glory and power Lord to heal every wounded, fragile place in her heart that my sins against her have caused.... and I thank you God for this! I pray for my wife's success and enjoyment in all that she puts her efforts in today... blessings on her work, her friendships and her walk with you. Amen.

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Thanks Mj.  Looking forward to a breakfast date on Saturday and then time with another family on Sunday for the Superbowl.  

 

Last night my wife shared some good feedback in that I need to stop "flogging" myself for past wrongs and be more selective of when I share mistakes of the past.  We had a very nice brief conversation about that and how the day went.  It was very pleasant and overall things have been going smoother.  I have been able to give her a couple more kisses a day and hugs here and there as well.  I still need to watch myself not to smother her.  It is starting to get more fun and light in our interaction which I am very thankful for.  I pray the warming trend continues as we move toward each other.  Thanks be to God.

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Last night my wife shared some good feedback in that I need to stop "flogging" myself for past wrongs and be more selective of when I share mistakes of the past. 

 

Your wife is a wise woman!  She knows what she needs emotionally, and she knows what you need emotionally.  It's so simple!   ;)

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ash-wednesday-slider.jpg

 

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask for and speak  blessings over my wife. I thank You Lord that You are healing her heart with Your Perfect Love. I pray for my wife's beauty - inside and out- to become as evident to her as it is to everyone else and that she would be encouraged and blessed by this revelation. I pray for strength and stability in my wife's emotions and thoughts. I ask for Your glory and power Lord to heal every wounded, fragile place in her heart that my sins against her have caused.... and I thank you God for this! I pray for my wife's success and enjoyment in all that she puts her efforts in today... blessings on her work, her friendships and her walk with you gaining your wisdom. Amen.
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Hi all,

 

Things have been going better overall, but I know the upcoming week is anticipated to be stressful for my wife.  Please pray for me that I make wise decisions and protect my wife's heart.  This coming Sunday my Dad and his girlfriend are coming to town.  My wife does not feel loved or wanted by my Dad.  I myself have never been extremely close with my Dad.  He really wants to spend as much time with the family, in particular the grandkids this coming week or so as he lives out of state and we only see him once or twice a year. I had forgotten to remind my wife earlier that our office would be closed on Monday (holiday) and I talked with her about possibly seeing my Dad on Monday.  She was visibly distraught this morning and I reassured her I would not make any plans without her buy-in. I see her pulling back right now, protecting herself and withholding.  She is justifiably  angry about Monday in particular because she asked me about being off earlier and I did not immediately follow-up with her once I confirmed I actually had the day off.  Possibly some passive aggressive part on my part.  Either way I let her down in this instance and added to her frustration by possibly inserting my Dad into the situation.  Ahem!

 

Adding on top of my Dad's visit it will be two of my nephews birthday party on Saturday of which my wife as been estranged with my brother in law.  Fortunately she has a good relationship with my sister.  She will be going to the birthday party on Saturday with the kids as I have a conference I will be attending out of town from Thursday evening through next Sunday February 21.  My other sister will also be in town visiting from out of state and she too I only see maybe once a year with her youngest son (4).  We plan to have a family visit next Thursday the 18th which I have taken off from work since I will be out of town the following three days.

 

I am still looking forward to the weekend.  I have a nice gift picked out for her and we have a sitter lined up for the kids on Sunday afternoon so we can get out for a bit.  I am praying that I not get tripped up here and again make sure my wife's heart is guarded and she feels protected and loved.  

Edited by ChooseLove
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So you are away much of next week? Will there ever be a time when your wife will have to be in your dad's presense without you nearby? I hope you will be able to make sure, not.

 

It would be good if your wife knew, before Sunday, exactly when she may have to see your father, only WITH you for protection, of course.

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Thanks MJ for your comments.  Fortunately we have already set aside next Thursday to spend time together as a family with my Dad and sisters, this was set-up weeks ago.  My wife further clarified to me that she does not feel inclusive of my family while her family has been so inclusive of me.  She was concerned by telling me this that I would make things worse for her.  I reassured her that I would let what she shared sink in and not jump to any action.  I am praying about how to proceed here.  Clearly there is still hurt from my previous actions of talking about her in my hurt state years ago that still are not completely healed along with my handling of the current family dynamics.  She made it clear she does not want to hear an apology or I am sorry, she needs to see action on my part that puts her in a positive light and brings healing to her wounded heart.

 

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask for and speak  blessings over my wife. I thank You Lord that You are healing her heart with Your Perfect Love. I pray for my wife's beauty - inside and out- to become as evident to her as it is to everyone else and that she would be encouraged and blessed by this revelation. I pray for strength and stability in my wife's emotions and thoughts. I ask for Your glory and power Lord to heal every wounded, fragile place in her heart that my sins against her have caused.... and I thank you God for this! I pray for my wife's success and enjoyment in all that she puts her efforts in today... blessings on her work, her friendships and her walk with you gaining your wisdom. Amen.
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For one thing, you should never leave her side the whole time you are with your family. I suggest that until family mechanics are running smoothly, you picture get-togethers as if you and your wife are walking into a den of wolves. You are her protector.

 

You will need to calmly but firmly insist with your actions, or words, that BOTH of you be included in everything in which YOU are included. If your wife is being pushed out, you will go with her.

 

And The Great Protector will be there with you!

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Praise report for a very nice Valentine's Day weekend.  We have the family visit all squared away for Thursday.  I continue to participate in the oxytocin game giving as many hugs, kisses and snuggles as I am able to.  Overall my advances have been well received - thanks be to God!

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Quick praise report.  I returned safely from my work trip and my wife and family survived the family birthday party over the weekend.  Overall nice morning home with the family...just wish it was longer before heading back into work today.  Thank you Lord for the many blessings in my life.  I love my wife! :)

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Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask for and speak  blessings over my wife. I thank You Lord that You are healing her heart with Your Perfect Love. I pray for my wife's beauty - inside and out- to become as evident to her as it is to everyone else and that she would be encouraged and blessed by this revelation. I pray for strength and stability in my wife's emotions and thoughts. I ask for Your glory and power Lord to heal every wounded, fragile place in her heart that my sins against her have caused.... and I thank you God for this! I pray for my wife's success and enjoyment in all that she puts her efforts in today... blessings on her work, her friendships and her walk with you gaining your wisdom. Amen.

 

Praise be to God for another good weekend with my wife and family.  We were able to have a nice time out on Saturday.  I have been getting in more oxytocin whenever I can through hugs, kisses, gentle touch and even a little snuggling.  It is so wonderful to draw close to my wife.  I love her so very much.

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