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God Save My Marriage

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Thanks MJ. Have a blessed Memorial Day all.  I am thankful for the sacrifices of the many men and women who have helped secure the freedom we enjoy here in the United States.  I am looking forward to spending time with the family this weekend including a date with my wife to see Romeo and Juliet.   :razz:

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Hi ChooseLove,

I was just poking around here and I read your post #471. As I thought about it I wanted to say that whether a person is in the situation you find yourself or in one like mine- in which I have no one to ever hug me, no one to touch me, and I still have very strong physical intimacy needs, I think the solution is pretty much similar. I have found the most relief by just talking to God about how I feel and even crying alone in His Presence. He comforts me. Sometimes I am not even aware that He has been Present or comforted me but I notice that my neediness and irritability diminishes greatly. I am trusting Him more and more to meet every single need i have and he has not let me down yet!

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Thanks 4evr.  I appreciate your words and I am glad to hear how God comforts you.  There are times when I need to accept the manna He provides for that day to get me through.  I am still here and he continues to heal me.  I do offer praise as this weekend my wife and family had a very nice time together.  I am ever so grateful for the warmth I do see in my wife and have noticed her drawing closer to the Lord in her own way.  Thankfully we are both being drawn closer together through faithfulness in God.  Have a wonderful week.  4evr, I just prayed for you and your family as well.  God bless.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Heard this song again this weekend.  It is such a good reminder to keep an eternal perspective...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc

 

I was very thankful to celebrate our daughter's 10th birthday and help her ride her bike for the first time.  I was able to take my wife out for a nice dinner at a favorite Greek restaurant and have coffee and play a few games of MasterMind as well.  Have a blessed week friends.

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Good morning all,

 

It has been pretty quiet on the forums and I have not been able to get on many calls in awhile.  There has not been much change in my world as much I would like to see.  I struggle with the lack of intimacy and connection with my wife.  There is minimal physical interaction and virtually no passion.  When I try to initiate many times I face rejection or contempt.  I know I am not meeting her where she is at and I keep trying different angles without much success even though she states she would like to be more intimate.  

 

I have offered up getting on the calls, reading, praying together and she does not appear to be interested in getting any help to further our growth as a couple.  I face continual withholding and in that I have to battle my thoughts and deeds in particular being self-controlled so that I don't do further damage.  I hate to say it but overall I am lonely in our marriage.  Thankfully I can turn to the Lord and He sustains me.  I know that each day He is walking with me and giving me what I need to make it.  My desire is to see our marriage thrive, passionately serving the Lord with excitement and expectantly.  I pray that I am not double-minded and know that in the end that my faithful commitment to love, honor and cherish my wife as best I can without regard for how she treats me will be rewarded by God (Ephesians 6 comes to mind).  Thank you all for your continued prayers of support and comments spurring me on.  I know I am in a much better place since coming to the ministry in December 2013.

 

I am looking forward to Father's Day weekend with the family and spending time alone with my son on Saturday.  I am so very grateful for the relationship I have with both my son and daughter.  

 

Thank you Jesus for rescuing this sinner.  Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit with in me. Amen

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Quick update - I am too pushy with my wife.  I need to listen better.  Still working on that even after all these years.  As difficult as it is for her to have to come out and tell me these things it is helpful to gain that perspective.  I am thankful for another day with her and the family.

 

A good quick read that has helped a bit in the communication area is... 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

stock-vector-celebrating-years-anniversa

 

This week we will be celebrating 11 years of marriage.  Praise the Lord for a very good weekend getaway.  Still more to look forwards to this week.  I love my wife!

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Thanks MaryJane.  My wife shared with me I have come along way, however she is not in the same place in her own walk.  I have learned all these tools and continued to train since December 2013 when I first found the ministry.Praise be to God that she was able to share that and I was able to receive it.  

 

She is open to getting on the Women's Call which would be HUGE.  Please pray that we continue to seek out God and that we clearly see the path before use to be fully restored and healed leaving the baggage of he past behind us and embracing the opportunities that lay before us.  God is good and I know He has been working on both of us.  Thank you dear, faithful friends for your ongoing support and prayers.

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks MJ for your note.  Yes, she has all the information.  We recently have been doing counseling with TP and I in particular have had some break-thru including focusing on the presence of God and seeking to please Him above all others.  I appreciate your continued prayers and support.  We had another bump recently that has been a set-back to my wife so prayers of healing and peace are appreciated.  Thank you.

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God, Our Father, may Your Name be hallowed. I ask for this couple that they will individually receive a revelation by the Holy Spirit, of Your great Love, and of Your power! Let both of them have an aha moment with You that will bring change along with it!

In Jesus' Name.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for asking MaryJane.  We have been doing counseling with TP through Ephesians 5:25 and that has been very helpful.  The bump was related to fear on my part.  We had a burning session last night of writing down our fears and burning them up.  It was good to do.  We also read our wedding vows.  I am hopeful we have made a turn in the right direction as we pursue God together.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi MJ, thanks for your support and inquiry.  Going better overall.  Letting go of ego and pride and inviting the Holy Spirit to be present.  God is definitely working on me.  I am thankful I get to love on my wife each day.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm not a helper on here, but thought I might add my two-cents worth. ChooseLove, I've so enjoyed reading a lot of what you've said on here. But I agree with the others- something about that prayer always bothered me. I have never taken the time to figure out why it affected me negatively. But I agree with the others, it does tend to come across as 'holier than thou'. As if you know her problems and how she needs fixed, rather than truly asking for God's will and blessing for her.  If I had read that prayer from my husband, I would have been very resistant, resentful, and probably angry. I would not have felt that he was truly loving and blessing me from a place of humility.  I really like the suggestions 4evr made for changes to the prayer.

 

Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe you are thinking something along this line: "Yes, I need to fix myself. But she had the worse sin, and she needs to be getting fixed, too...for my benefit." So your concerns for her are still basically centered around yourself, your wants and needs.

 

Please forgive me if I'm all out in left field about this. Like I said, I've really enjoyed a lot of what you've posted, and even printed off some for my husband to read. So keep up the good work!

Read this again tonight and it the really stood out to me. I see how I have become the self righteous older son in the prodigal son story rather than the father. My narcissistic tendencies have done great harm. I pray that God continues His good work in me and that the love I have for my wife overcomes my shortcomings. Today we are still far apart.

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