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God Save My Marriage

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Read this again tonight and it the really stood out to me. I see how I have become the self righteous older son in the prodigal son story rather than the father. My narcissistic tendencies have done great harm. I pray that God continues His good work in me and that the love I have for my wife overcomes my shortcomings. Today we are still far apart.

 

Thank you for posting, ChooseLove!  I was getting concerned.   :)

 

If there is truth in what Stillblessed said, your wife feels it for sure.  God WILL continue His good work in you.  He said He would in Philippians 1: 6.  

 

Just a caution.  You don't want to become the father in the prodigal son story, to your wife!  She would definitely feel that too!  You have to remain the older, but wiser, son who has a wife, and is learning to let go of self righteousness or whatever is the problem, by learning to love her as a fellow human being for whom Christ died.

 

She is not your responsibility, in a way, to "save."  She is simply a fellow human being who happens to be your wife, and because she IS your wife, desperately needs to feel your unconditional approval.  Approval of her as a fellow human being, equal in worth to yourself.  And you are equal in worth to her.  You don't have to put yourself, or her, down in your mind's eye.   

 

Dear God our Father,

I lift up ChooseLove and his wife, before Your throne of Grace where there is Help!  I ask that You speak into the heart of each of them today and show them whatever the one truth is that they each need to see for now.    

In Jesus' Name, with thanks!

 

Excuse the long rambling sentences please.  :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you MaryJane.  I appreciate your prayer and the way you are always uplifting.  I am focusing on pleasing God and loving my wife where she is at.  I am grateful and thankful for each day as I have hope in the Lord that He will see me through all things. 

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Quick update - I am still learning to study my wife.  Pray that I listen, learn and observe, taking action that creates a safe environment where my wife feels she can be herself, sharing freely, knowing she is loved.  I still make mistakes (e.g., not being observant) and know that I can do better.  It is about intentionality and focus - Lord let me rely on you. I invite the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me.  May my selfishness pass away and may I look to the needs of my wife and family.  Thank you, Lord, for this day, may you be glorified.  

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Oh good! I was getting concerned again!

 

I think you are on the men's calls, right? Just wondering if it might be time for some outright romantic pursuing of your wife? Even though I have read your thread I can't seem to thoroughly grasp how your wife feels. It would be nice to hear what she might say.

 

God, be their Help, I pray. In Jesus' Name!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks MJ.  We had a good morning today.  I made juice and coffee for bringing it to her in bed.  :razz:   Overall we are doing better.  God continues to work on us both and we faithfully pursue Him together.  We are thankful that the Lord has seen us through so much and that our family is intact and becoming stronger each day.

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Prayer request today as we hit a bump.  I have not been as present and in effect been more self-seeking of late and it has taken its toll.  As I read 1 Corinthians 13 today and the part of self-seeking or demanding my own way stood out.  There is still more dying to self to do.  Please pray for me in that I heed God's calling and my heart changes to better reflect true love.  

 

Thank you.

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God in Heaven, help ChooseLove, I pray, to be strong in You and in the power of Your might. Fill him to overflowing with love and compassion for his wife, drawing from the bottomless well of Your Love! I ask for a fresh supply of Your wisdom for his day-to-day life as well.

 

In Jesus' Name.

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  • 3 months later...

Quick praise report.  We had a wonderful weekend and are looking forward to celebrating our 12th anniversary this coming July.  We are thankful that God has seen us through so much.  Thank you Jesus for your love endures forever!

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So glad to hear things are on an upswing for you ChooseLove - you and your beautiful wife are always in my prayers...

Thanks so much.  God definitely has used you to help me through some very tough times.  I am grateful we are doing better. Thanks be to God!

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Hi MaryJane, thanks for your prayers and support.  I must say that I still am a barrier to intimacy at times.  My wife, God bless her, has been through so much and I don't make it as easy as I need to for her.  While I have gathered a great amount of knowledge and wisdom through the ministry I still stumble at times putting it in action.  That is hard for a wife that knows how good it CAN be but is hurt when I falter.  I strive to do the best I can and not be a downer.  We definitely can grow in the area of emotional connection and deep intimacy that sustains a marriage.

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Thank you for your post, ChooseLove.

 

Can you specify how you are feeling when you "disappoint" your wife? I'm glad to know you are able to have intimacy at times now. That is an improvement, is it not? And by intimacy, we are referring to physical intimacy as well as emotional, correct?

 

The blessing of the Lord it makes rich and He adds no sorrow with it!

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  • 1 month later...

HI MaryJane,

 

Thanks for your continued prayers and support.  We just celebrated my birthday this week and had a great time together.  We have a date scheduled for Sunday to see an Argentine tango performance and then have dinner together.  Overall doing better as I remember to stay connected and intentional in blessing my wife.

 

As to how I feel when I disappoint my wife, it means that I need to be more focused and disciplined and not lean on my own understanding.  I don't dwell on it (feeling sorry for myself) but rather look to take action and responsibility for creating the best environment for my wife to thrive. Onward and upward!

 

Have a blessed weekend and Thanksgiving all.

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