ChooseLove Posted April 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) This morning my wife shared with me that I talk a lot, particularly about myself, which I am aware of, however not to the extent she is. She also shared many times I come off as "customer service" when talking with her and not totally real with her. I know this is a reaction on my part to not going to the self-defeating place it he past. I use words like "thank you for sharing that" or "I appreciate your feedback" and I believe it is the words in combination with my tone of voice/facial expression. I realize I am putting up some of a front, faking it if you will, remaining positive even when I am discouraged by my failings or initial response. Another example of this was yesterday I called her up to check in on her, which she acknowledged was a good motive, however it just did not come off sincere/real to her. She indicated she does not like to bring up these issues with be simply because of the way I respond. I am frustrated by this certainly and feel that each wrong move I make or may make will push her away farther. Perhaps that fear is getting the best of me. I realize fear and worry is not of God so I need to offer that up to Him. She indicated I should be more comfortable with silence, not just a few minutes or hours, but even days. That is hard for me as an extrovert - I like people and I like to talk, but that is not what she needs from me. I know I need to be a better active listener. I wish it would be more natural for us in being playful, goofy and just relaxed - I know I am having a tough time getting to that place, but it is what she desires, that I be comfortable in my own skin. I know she got that (e.g., being playful, goofy and just relaxed) from the online affair and it would be a safe bet if she is not getting what she needs from me she will find it elsewhere , hence where fear comes back in. I realize as Cindy said I can't change her actions, only my own. I know this process takes time, I will continue to put in the effort. I read some more of Ken Nair's book last night and have been on calls Monday-Wednesday this week which has helped. I will be coming back to the forum with further updates. Edited April 3, 2014 by ChooseLove Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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