ChooseLove Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 I wanted to start a thread on sharing resources for men, particularly passive men, who did not have a strong upbringing as to how to live as a man, husband and father. I just finished Mansfield's Book of Manly Men and it really spoke to me as a 40 year old husband and father. It really reinforced many of the principles that are discussed here in this forum and in fact has a portion of the book that directly references Ephesians 5:25. In the book it also lists some recommend books, movies and quotes for manly men. I would be interested in hearing from other men whose marriages have been restored and how they have grown as Christlike men. I want to be a father who truly instills Christlike manhood in my own son. Thanks for sharing guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted May 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2014 Today I wanted to share a couple more resources I have been reading or have been recommended to me by Joel or helpers on the forum... The Art of Manliness blog at http://www.artofmanliness.com/. Great articles on many different areas where we can embrace our manhood.Maximized Manhood by Cole Edwin - on Amazon.com here. Please note he uses the term Spiritual Leader and that is something not used in this ministry, however it is spoken of similarity as source of life to our wives and family here. Do Yourself a Favor: Love Your Wife by Dr. H. Page Williams- on Amazon.com here. Similar to Cole Edwin above he uses some similar language regarding leadership, but if you truly view that in the context in which this ministry teaches it should further bless you as you lovingly pursue your wife.The Gospel According to Matthew DVD aka "The Laughing Jesus" starring Bruce Marchiano. This DVD portrays Jesus in an amazing light that we as men can seek to emulate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted December 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2014 Another great resource out there for men to stay in daily prayer is Husband Revolution at http://husbandrevolution.com/. Here is the prayer for today...http://husbandrevolution.com/prayer-perseverance/ Dear Lord,I know what it feels like to want to give up on my marriage and even on my faith. But, at just the right time you gave me the strength to persevere. You gave me the strength to say “I Do” another day. Thank you for being there for me. God, I ask that husbands everywhere would experience this same kind of love from you. I pray that they would be given the strength to persevere. To say, “I Do” every day. God, you said that Perseverance produces character and character produces hope. That’s what husbands need. Character and hope.In Jesus name amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stillblessed Posted December 10, 2014 Report Share Posted December 10, 2014 I appreciate the effort you are putting into listing these resources. I'm going to mention to HisSon that he might want to come here to see what you have suggested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 You are most welcome stillblessed. I am glad to have met your husband on the calls and to share in this journey through the ministry. I just finished reading Gary Thomas's new book, A Lifelong Love: What If Marriage Is about More Than Just Staying Together?, which I believe is pretty consistent with the ministry. It was encouraging to me as a husband to become more Christlike. I would recommend it as supplemental reading as it helps to keep my mind sharp and continue to reevaluate my motivation and intentions in my marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Read this from another forum thread today and thought it would be helpful to the men starting out here... QuoteLet me give you a tip on getting the most out of this ministry. Men who post one- or two-liners like your last three posts generally don't do very well. In order to get the help you need to change, this thread needs to be a discussion. We need to know what you're struggling with. We need to know what you're thinking, so that when wrong thought patterns pop up we can help you correct them.Here's an example of what I'm talking about . . . this quote is from a post by Stephen (Her Destiny) fairly early in their journey ~QuoteI wanted to lay something out in front of folks for comments and insight - this might be really basic, but it kinda struck me between the eyes, and seems worth posting for discussion...I recently caught myself "mapping out" a conversation with Melissa - I was thinking of what I would say, then imagining her various responses, and then determining my responses to her responses, ad nauseum...I can see this process REALLY screwing with our communication in at least two ways:1 - removing any "natural" flow from the conversation and making it a "defined" entity that is contained within a predefined box;2 - setting the entire conversation up for failure - if something doesn't go quite how I pictured, then I panic and everything goes south.This thought pattern also turns Melissa into a robot - she is programmed a certain way (in my mind), and has false expectations to live up to that she just can't. Also, if I picture her reacting badly to something I say, then I can decide not to bring it up. Being an engineer (no, really, I am - can't you tell - ), I tend to think of things with a "worst-case scenario" mindset and so most of our communication is "resolved" in this manner - it's never even brought up.I also think that this whole mindset has changed how I view Melissa, and makes it SO much harder for me to open up communications with her. I am hoping that getting this out can begin some healing and start some changes in me and how I view my wife.End QuoteNote that Stephen a) identifies a thought pattern that he sees as a problem, b ) talks about how it is damaging his relationship with Melissa, and c) asks for help. This is the type of thing you need to do if you are serious about healing your marriage. We are essentially asking you to change almost everything about how you think and behave, and it is very, very difficult to do that without help. At this stage of the game you are unlikely to recognize destructive patterns in yourself and very unlikely to figure out what to do about them. We are ready and willing to help you, but in order to do that we need more than your assurances that you will do what you can. We can't help if you don't talk to us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2015 Discovered another great quote today on loving our wives... Quote She wants you to desire her, desire her, desire her. She wants you to desire to hear her voice, see her face, hold her in your arms, drink in her scent...intensely! Not just on the pass through to something else. She wants your eyes to light up when you see her. She wants you to leave what you are doing, seek her out, put your arms around her. And she knows if you are just doing it or you really want her! She wants you to flirt with her, for real! Not like an obligation, but real, heart felt flirting. She wants to know you will seek her heart, fight for the right to keep her and treat her like the princess she is. She wants her knight in shining armor, for real! She wants to know that you need to be near her, touch her, hear her voice-that you can't bear the thought of life without her. She wants you to be captivated by her. She wants you to passionately want her, and sometimes just the fact that you want her that much, is enough. Sometimes it needs to culminate in LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted January 18, 2015 Report Share Posted January 18, 2015 YEP.. that's EXACTLY!! it... And when the husband "leaves" his wife through being absorbed in his job, too much sports, porn, emotional or physical affairs, she feels shattered! Destroyed, trashy, worthless, despairs, doubts her own femininity and value.. etc.. etc.. etc... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted January 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 YEP.. that's EXACTLY!! it... And when the husband "leaves" his wife through being absorbed in his job, too much sports, porn, emotional or physical affairs, she feels shattered! Destroyed, trashy, worthless, despairs, doubts her own femininity and value.. etc.. etc.. etc...Thanks for chiming in 4evr. I am so glad I finally got it. Sorry for years I shattered my wife's dreams, but SO thankful to be on the road to an OHM now. I love seeing her smile everyday, morning, noon and night. It truly is an honor to bless her and serve her like no other. I love my wife! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebuilding Trust Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Quote She wants you to desire her, desire her, desire her. She wants you to desire to hear her voice, see her face, hold her in your arms, drink in her scent...intensely! Not just on the pass through to something else. She wants your eyes to light up when you see her. She wants you to leave what you are doing, seek her out, put your arms around her. And she knows if you are just doing it or you really want her! She wants you to flirt with her, for real! Not like an obligation, but real, heart felt flirting. She wants to know you will seek her heart, fight for the right to keep her and treat her like the princess she is. She wants her knight in shining armor, for real! She wants to know that you need to be near her, touch her, hear her voice-that you can't bear the thought of life without her. She wants you to be captivated by her. She wants you to passionately want her, and sometimes just the fact that you want her that much, is enough. Sometimes it needs to culminate in LM It is so true. I see my wife now and see how much she just desires to feel wanted, needed, and desired by me. I try to always be flirting with her and making sure that she knows I desire her and miss her. What an honor and privilege that God has given us.... ie: all of these things mentioned are in the realm of initiation, we initiate, they react by feeling loved and adored! Love the quote ChooseLove, Thank You! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7Times Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) Here's another decent resource IMO: The Ultimate Husband, http://www.ultimatehusband.com/main.htmMostly very consistent with the ministry and focuses heavily on accountability and responsibility of the husband. The links on the left side of the home page are good. Edited March 8, 2015 by 7Times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Here's another decent resource IMO: The Ultimate Husband, http://www.ultimatehusband.com/main.htmMostly very consistent with the ministry and focuses heavily on accountability and responsibility of the husband. The links on the left side of the home page are good.Thanks for sharing. I will check it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted June 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2015 Just finished another good read from author Verne Becker, titled Real Man Inside: How Men Can Recover Their Identity and Why Women Can't Help. This book is over 20 years old coming out in the early 90s. I wish I would have read it a long time ago. It address passivity in men head on and really is a good start into more related materials I have highlighted previously. It is too bad it is no longer in print, but you can still purchase used copies from Amazon.com. I welcome additional input on resources as well as reviews too. Have a great weekend, get out there and love like you mean it, being a light in the world. God bless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted July 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Hi all, Just a quick update on a couple more books I recently read that I would recommend to men working their way through the ministry looking for more resources related to manliness/manhood as it relates to being Christlike. For me they have been helpful it understanding my relationship to my Dad and other men, addressing my passive-aggressive behavior, helping me to become more courageous, bold and confident in Christ. I pray they bless you as you continue your journey of faith. God bless. No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children by Paul CoughlinWild at Heart Revised and Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul by John Eldredge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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