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I have found that often when your husband says there are major issues but yet he can't name them or work on a plan to strengthen either of you or the relationship that what he is really saying is ; I feel miserable and I don't know why and I don't want to think about it (too much effort, or too painful) - so it must be your fault. if we could fix you then we could fix my unhappiness. It's a reflection of his immaturity.

 

Another reason they do this is to deflect. If he is involved in porn or an affair, he will try to use a smokescreen to cover the real agenda! That smokescreen is his manipulation of your good will. He knows YOU take problems seriously and always want to fix them so he uses that as his covering. By getting you focused on you, the light doesn't expose him.

 

Just twwo things to think about...

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Hi - no sorry ladies  I wasn't able to be on line as had a very full day and didn't get back home in time.

 

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he isn't into porn or an affair - of that I am absolutely certain.
 

 

No communication as usual since the bad stuff at the weekend.
 

He did borrow the car and promised to get it back by 1.15pm and got it back ten minutes late  and I know he is narked because I was upset he couldn't be bothered to think about me enough to get it back on time.  Instead of using excuses he could have actually left a few minutes earlier than he would have normally  to show willing - but he just thinks I am being unreasonable.

Sadly the web pastor hasn't been able to talk to either of us this week -  he is skyping me on Monday but he won't have Skyped David by then so a little pointless as he will have nothing to tell me.

I am extremely concerned about the men david is receiving "help and advice" from - one is an alcoholic who lost his wife and his girlfriend and his children through his continuing and ongoing problem, one is a single man in his late 50s with porn and gambling issues who doesn't want to be healed as it will mean he loses his benefit and will need to work, one is a man with a bad idea of marriage who has already had two affairs and lost his wife and she has gone back but we are not quite sure (and David gave him all the advise from your website in order to get his wife back - what a shame david isn't taking his own medicine), one is on old self centred man who doesn't want to trust God and has no recognition of how others help him in his life - his attitude is "no surrender" and "pain is my friend" and the last one is a 57 year old single man who would still be living with his mum had she not have been ill - and with whom I had a conversation where he said he could not understand why any woman would need to be wooed and he had no intention of ever wooing a woman and failed to see why that was necessary and maybe that was why he was still single..  ANd these are the men David is taking advise from!!

 

I think David believes that I have many many and various deep rooted problems going back to my brother's behaviour towards me - my relationship with my parents and my ex husband  - which I would said there is an element of truth in - they did harm and hurt me - BUT unlike David these have not affected my life in major significant way -  sadly I think David thinks I think and work like he does - he is only able to translate how he thinks I internalise and deal with these issues by the way he would - and he has a depressive nature and I haven't

 

And he believes I am not willing to deal with these and he believes that unless and until I deal with these we can't have a relationship.


Sadly he is mistaken in these thoughts -  I don't have deep rooted issues - I do have some hurt from the past but I don't have a problem dealing with them and I have a healthy relationship with my feelings.  I am not the same type of personality as david and feel he does not understand this.

AND the bottom line is that EVEN IF any of these problems were deep rooted and causing me problems this is NOT A REASON for my husband who is supposed to be Christ in this relationship - to withdraw love and affection from me as punishment until I admit to my problems.
 

ALL of this is off the top of my head because he hasn't confirmed what these major problems are - but this is what I am thinking he is thinking.



SO the situation just gets worse and worse because I am in limbo - because he is NOT talking to me and each day he doesn't talk to me is another nail in the coffin of our relationship  but he won't be honest and say he doesn't want to continue this relationship - and he wants to be able to blame me for ending this relationship so he can show everyone how wonderfully accommodating .  He continues to tell everyone that he SO LOVES ME and SO WANTS RECONCILIATION but where is the evidence - where.
 

Sorry am having a rant tonight - it's 1.50am and I should be asleep and I am annoyed that he is messing with my mind like this and stopping me getting to sleep.  What on earth happened to the husband I married - this man is a complete stranger to me.

 




 

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Hi LesMis, I listened for you on the ladies call Wednesday.  If you get on the call, speak up to let them know you are there!  I spoke with Kathy and Carla briefly.  Kathy in deeply involved with the Intensive this weekend.  

 

I remember learning at our second Intensive about how men "change" after the wedding.  You have said several times that David is not like the man you married.  It's usual in couples who come here for help that the husband "changes" sometime following the wedding. I remember that Kathy said the first two (or so) years Joel was a dream husband before he changed.  Some husbands last a day or two and in your case your husband lasted five years.  Pretty good! FD didn't even make it to the wedding before he changed---I thought it was wedding stress, but the wonderful guy I had dated as FD never came back.  It has to do with Mother/Son junk.  In their minds their bride "changed" and became their mom, who they feel resentment and anger toward.  Joel and Kathy have a much more entertaining way of explaining it.  Most ladies who read your thread can relate, not one of us married a guy who acted like a jerk during their dating days or we wouldn't have been married. 

 

Doesn't seem fair. 

 

We want to help.   It's most helpful for a wife to learn to come from a place of strength.  A wife's part is the most difficult part of a marriage restoration, because we're natural responders.  It will be most helpful for you to remain silent when he writes goofy self-justifying emails.  You are absolutely right: "AND the bottom line is that EVEN IF any of these problems were deep rooted and causing me problems this is NOT A REASON for my husband who is supposed to be Christ in this relationship - to withdraw love and affection from me as punishment until I admit to my problems."   And so KNOWING that, it becomes unnecessary for you to defend yourself.  Father God surround LesMis with a hedge of protection and comfort.  Blanket her with your tenderness and mercy.  Strengthen her with you Word.  Give Kathy and me and Mj and 4evr and other helpers here words to guide Les Mis toward a place of strength in YOU.   Protect her husband from advise from weak men.  Direct his steps when he reads your words and when he speaks to other men.  Guard his ears and soften his heart.  Amen.  

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such a bad place today - I have heard that david believes the pastor should not be disturbed until the new year now as the office is closed for the holidays so I should not expect any relationship discussion or communication whatsoever until after the holidays and I should just accept this and be patient. This is daily torture for me and I don't think I can cope for another few weeks until the pastor gets himself organised.

 

In response to the usual good morning love text I asked david not to send me any more until he was willing to do relationship with me - he just ignored me and send me a good night text -  it is messing with my already crazy mind.
 

Just today I felt particularly low (I didn't get to sleep until 3am this morning)  and at present I feel I I can't cope with the lodgers situation and now having to get and get used to three new lodgers,  the fridge going wrong the light in the bathroom breaking, trying to do something about getting some presents and writing a few cards for christmas, worrying about the cash flow situation, the continual arrival of all the cards addressed to us both from friends wishing us a happy Christmas, and this evening looking for support from my best friend and my daughter (who is 29) and receiving from them what felt like (but wasn't intended to be) condemnation and whilst well meaning and probably practical good advise all I wanted was some empathy and understanding that I am struggling and grieving at present and that it's ok to be in this state and cry sometimes.  And then my daughter ended up getting narked with me and putting the phone down and I had to do the mother bit of saying I was sorry for upsetting her.

 

David thinks I have deep rooted issues which I don't believe I have but I even offered today to go and see a counsellor or a psychiatrist to be assessed and have a report sent to david.  He also thinks I do not believe I am at fault and have failings.  He doesn't believe I ever admit my faults (although I have on many  many and various occasions - I have even written and signed a confession for him) but he just Never believes me

The minister told us that if we both looked into each other's eyes and humbly said we were sorry that this would be over in an instant.  I am more than willing to do this (and feel I have done this in the past) but david is not and never is willing to admit he is wrong to judge me and punish me when he finds me wanting - by withdrawing affection and relationship  (he admitted to the minister that al the times in the past when he has admitted he was wrong he was just lying and saying that to make the situation (and me!) go away.  How can I humbly say I am sorry if it is not reciprocated.  I need to feel safe and secure or else how do I know I am not just going to be judged and punished again in the future.

 

At least with my first husband although it hurt like anything - I knew it was final - I knew he had chosen the other woman over me so I knew what I was dealing with (and of course David came along very quickly and became my knight in shining armour.
 

this time around I feel like a growing mushroom -  I am shut in the dark and being fed on bull[edit]!!!

And now it is gone midnight once again and I am once again wide awake and should be going to bed. so I had better finish.

 

I am visiting my auntie on Wednesday but will make every effort to get home in time to take part in the woman's call.

Thank you as always for all your support

 

Much love and night night


 




 

 

Argggggg  WHY is this all SO hard.

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I know.  It's extremely hard.  And it ought not so to be!  It's been happening since Adam and Eve, too!  Which doesn't mean it has to keep ON happening!

 

We have Christ and we have options these days.

 

Until you get talking to Kathy, lets see if we can nail down one action, maybe two at the most, that your husband will absolutely HAVE to do in order for you to be willing to continue to "work on your marriage." 

 

Let me suggest the first one.  Your husband is to phone Joel and have a talk.  No talk with Joel, no marriage.  If he wants to object and accuse you of having your own issues, etc. you hang up or send no reply or walk away, whichever applies. 

 

There needs to be absolutely no more emailing/talking/explaining from you to him until he does the required action!  If he is not interested enough in you to even TRY to understand you and his role in your life, before God, you have no marriage anyway!

 

You might want to just think about this and bring it up when you are talking to Kathy.

 

I'm glad you wrote the following:  

 

In response to the usual good morning love text I asked david not to send me any more until he was willing to do relationship with me

 

 

Now, there needs to be radio silence, on your part.  Can you block his texts? 

 

God bless you, LesMis!

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Les Mis, I agree with MJ. I would like to flesh this out a bit.

 

Your husband has refused to accept his God-given identity. He wants it his way or no way at all and that's just childish rebellion. Just as when a child throws a tantrum, you don't cater to him or her.. you don't try to understand them... you lovingly wait until they are quite done and then ask if they want to listen now?

 

We are told in the Scriptures that we "enter His (God's) gates with thanksgiving and His (inner) courts with praise. So if we want to experience God's Presence, then we must follow the prescribed way to get that blessing.. offer the sacrifice of praise. Psalm 100:4.

 

Likewise, if your husband wants a happy marriage he must serve and honor you..listen to your input etc... in other words,  do relationship with you and he will reap your presence.. your loving heart. There is no other way for marriage to be what God intended it to be.

 

Let's just say for argument's sake that your husband is right. Perhaps you do have deep issues.. of which you are unaware or unwilling to admit. (I don't think that is the case, but let's just go with this for a minute). The way to bring healing is for him to humble himself and serve and nurture you- and yes, this is not usually natural for most men.. but that's why God requires it... why He requires anything of us. It makes us grow up! As he loves you in the same way that Christ loved the church, he will grow up. You will be healed and your marriage will get much better. Now you can get better and more healed without waiting for your husband... through our own relationship with God... and you should be doing this... but there is much sacramental blessing when it is done with him.

 

What your husband is trying to do is shirk his responsibility and put it equally on you to "make the relationship work." That's not God's way and it will never work.

 

I think your best chance of turning this boat around is to realize that what you are seeing in your husband now is the true him... not the other guy that you wonder where he went. You have to accept your call to assist God's plan in re-parenting him for awhile. And that's where MJ's advice comes in.

 

He is acting completely in what used to be hidden... the childish self and he is showing his true colors because things aren't going his way anymore. You changed and started wanting something out of him that he felt he couldn't give. He didn't realize that you were seeing his glorified potential... and he doesn't realize that he can be that man if he draws from relationship with God. So the real problem here is that he isn't in relationship with God and so can't be in real relationship with you. But if you learn how to patiently and lovingly require maturity from him.. with no condemnation and do it from a position of inner strength.. instead of pining for your lost knight in shining armor... then perhaps this situation can be turned around!

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Les Mis,  Do you understand what Mother/Son is all about?  I need it explained to me frequently, so even if you already know then it won't hurt if I go over it again.  

 

God created man to meet the needs of one adult woman, his wife.  When a man is a little boy, his mom has unmet emotional needs because her husband refuses emotional relationship with her.   Her son, willing to step up to the bat becomes an emotional companion for his mom.  His mom is proud of her son because she sees maturity in him that she doesn't see in her husband. Neither  mom nor son are aware of the damage this does to his future relationship, because as the mom sees it, he is so loving and capable, she sees it as evidence of strength.   One thing mom doesn't realize is that probably the same thing happened in her own husband's childhood.  When these little boys grow up, they show their maturity and kindness during their dating years and in the case of your husband the dating years lasted five years into the marriage.  Your husband did not fully commit emotionally in his first marriage or his ex never would have had an affair.   After five years of marriage with you, the honeymoon is over, he no longer has that desire to please you.  He realized YOU have emotional needs and sorry to say, because he already provided the emotional needs for one woman--his mom, there is a repulsion for meeting another woman's (your) emotional needs.  That's how God designed him to keep relationship pure.  David didn't change, you didn't change, but that's how long it took his resistance to emotional relationship to surface.  

 

He loves you, but after five years he faced that built in aversion to relationship.  As exampled by Adam and Eve in the garden, men don't take blame very well.  They point fingers.  Women are almost always ready and eager to take blame.  That's why it may have seemed after five years of happy marriage that you had done something to earn his disfavor.  Your mind automatically searched for what you did wrong and you may feel like you have it figured out what you did.  The truth is, that's when he could no longer resist that aversion to relationship.   To my female brain, "aversion to relationship with me" feels like hatred of me.  In this ministry, as women, we HAVE TO get our head around this because it seems unfathomable.  How can someone who is repelled by having emotional relationship with me still love me??  No, it's not Christ-like.  It's wrong, but it's not his fault, it's not his mom's fault, it's not your fault, if anything it's God's fault, because that's how he designed man to be faithful to one woman.  

 

That's what mother/son is all about.   We have to take you and David's relationship from there.  He is an emotional toddler.  We don't expect toddlers to understand healthy nutrition.  We don't expect toddlers to be able to write paragraphs.  We have to start with very basic  steps, but first you have to realize it's possible, it's entirely possible.  While every toddler learns at different rates, so do different husbands learn at different rates.  He has never been to an Intensive, so we can't even start with basic Intensive stuff.  If you guys ever make it to an Intensive then things will be hurried along.  He didn't even last very long on the men's conference calls, but evidently he listened and HEARD enough to know that texting his wife and weekly gifts are a place to start.  

 

It would be helpful if you would allow him to text you several times a day.  YOU don't have to respond/react or even look at his texts, however it helps at this point in his beginning growth to keep his mind on you.  We want him to think of you first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night.  We also want him to think of you hourly through the day, but I don't think you want hourly texts.  I suggest you allow the texts, but you can ignore them, would that be do-able? ?  It's to help his brain at this point, and it's not expected to do anything for you except it lets you know he hasn't forgotten what his priority is.  This ministry also suggests a weekly gift.  I know you don't want flowers or gifts, but if you would allow him to give you something small that is relevant to you it will help re-wire his brain.  If you can find it in your heart to offer some very inexpensive ideas to give instead of flowers it will help you in the LONG RUN.  The small gifts aren't expected to be the real deal and neither are the texts, but it gets his brain re-wiring started.  

 

This CAN work and I know it can because both you AND he have expressed great desire in making it work.  Neither one of you have the right tools.  I agree with Mary Jane that one stipulation before you have anything to do with him is for him to speak to Joel or any of the moderators on any of the calls.  You can expect that much of him.  The confusion he's gathering from his so-called counselors isn't helping anything.  He needs to realize that and if you're firm and bold you can enforce it.  I understand the difficulty very well.  

Edited by Crystal
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Hi - sorry been a busy weekend.  Thank you for all these comments - they make real sense and are really good (and dovetailing into what the Lord has been showing me) .  Our friends have been talking to David over the weekend and we have a meeting arranged for Tuesday in front of them to see if we can move forward - so please pray for that:

 

Lovely confirmation from the Lord in my devotionals and this message from the Lord spoke to me also (Zech 4 - message version:)

 

then he said ....... you can't force these things they only come about through my Spirit ... so big mountains who do you think you are ....... you're nothing but a molehill.  He'll proceed to set the cornerstone in place accompanied by cheers - Ues Yes Do It. .....  that will be your confirmation .... does anyone dare despise this day of small beginnings.
He's a Great God!
xxx


 

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LeMis, this is a post from the point of view of a passive guy who changed.   It helps us understand what goes in your David's head and what makes him do the things he doesn't do.   It's very frustrating and hopefully it helps you understand why it will be most helpful for you to refuse to go to the counsel meet with him Tuesday.  It's not up to a third party to decide to move ahead.  It will be up do David to decide to do this or not.  

 

I hate to tell you this, but he's looking for someone to tell him that he isn't the problem, that you are.  If he can manage to get you in front of witnesses and push your buttons exactly right, he knows he can get you to flip out and they'll tell him it's hopeless and he doesn't have to do a thing until you change and stop flipping out.   
 

He knows how to passively cause you to flip out.  Don't put yourself in that position.  

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I hate to tell you this, but he's looking for someone to tell him that he isn't the problem, that you are.  If he can manage to get you in front of witnesses and push your buttons exactly right, he knows he can get you to flip out and they'll tell him it's hopeless and he doesn't have to do a thing until you change and stop flipping out.   

 

He knows how to passively cause you to flip out.  Don't put yourself in that position.  

 

I would have to agree with this! And Crystal, your mother/son explanation is excellent!

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I listened to you on the call today.  (Heard you too, MJ!) Did the call help you or do you feel more confused?  I'm glad to hear that the meeting on Tuesday went "okay".   Is there anymore you'd like to tell about the meeting?  Any questions about what Carla told you?  Thanks for calling in.   It helped get me on the call too and I needed to be there to hear some of the things that were said.  

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Hi Ladies - was good to talk - and it did help in that it confirmed what I had been feeling was now my only option - it will just be putting it into practice that's difficult.

Sorry I had to cut and run - my mobile was ringing and I had to take the call.

 

This is the brief summary of Tuesday night - Crystal it only went OK in that I was able to remain cool and collected.  I have also written something in the protected forum - just in case David is reading this.  (this is the email I sent to my Daughter who asked how it went:
 

Well started well and we all thought we were getting somewhere and progress was being made but then it was like a shutter went up.

 

It was at least good that Sue and Tony saw what happened – they were flabberghasted – and Tony (who is the most mild man you could come across and never gets cross or angry (sue says he has never once argued).  Said after david had left – (a la Andrew W)  “well the spirit of slap came all over me” !!!

 

I know david’s perception will have coloured his vision – I don’t think there is anything I could have done that would have satisfied his desire to see me completely contrite and broken before he is willing to give an inch.  He just doesn’t understand the concept of meeting half way – or even one third of the way.  I also don’t think it is actually physically possible for me to “do” what he thinks I need to.  I don’t think that he will be able to believe that I am being genuine because his mind is so convinced that I am not – and nothing I say or do will change that (sadly this lense just so colours him that he can’t see over it – and I have become the enemy and his vision is no surrender).  I so want to prove to him I am serious but nothing seems to work.

 

He started saying that I was being controlling and manipulating – and Sue spoke up – which is totally unlike her – and defended me (which is also totally unlike her unless she truly believes I need defending!!!)and said she felt I was being extremely uncontrolling and very submissive!  Again it’s perception.

And I think he thinks it was me trying to manipulate us trying to talk but actually I was suggesting email and Tony said that wasn’t appropriate and that actually David should be willing to give  and agree to joint meetings without a third party being present.  David won’t see it that it was Tony – David will see it was me! Perception is a dangerous thing.

 

So there we are – fruitless. David has issues and needs to sort them before we can resume relationship.  He needs to find a counsellor for himself.

So no more contact with me by me – I just sit back now and get on with my life – if he wants to come courting – I  would love that – but it’s got to come from him.



 

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I can see why you agreed to meeting with this couple.  They seem reasonable.  You gave it a good try and I'm happy that you were able to remain cool and that no one was overcome by the spirit of the slap.  (smile!) 

 

So no more contact with me by me – I just sit back now and get on with my life – if he wants to come courting – I  would love that – but it’s got to come from him.

 

 

 
That's right.  
 
He gave you an emotional divorce nineteen years ago.  During those years you continued to take care of him.  That's what he wants to go back to and that is completely unacceptable.   You have been extremely patient and long-suffering.  Men are not motivated by a patient long-suffering wife.   This just came to me, and it may not be applicable.   Isaac Newton says "An object that is at rest will stay at rest unless an external force acts upon it."  Your husband has been an emotional zombie for years, your actions --> P-P-P-P is forcing him into emotional motion,  it's chaos right now in his mind because he's not accustomed to having to think and feel.  

 

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this is all SO HARD. 

 

After Tuesday's meeting and then the horrid horrid emails he wrote about me I have heard NOTHING from him for a week. Absolutely nothing.

 

Our friend has been talking to him - and explaining to him why it was ok for me to give him a gift (his love language) but that it would not be appropriate currently to give me a gift instead of meeting my love language.  The friend asked me what would bless my heart and I explained a love letter showing that david was capable of trying to put himself in my shoes and understand how much he was hurting me or agreeing to meet with me without a third party there - would so bless my heart and begin to help me believe he did love me and did want reconciliation.

 

 

so what does he do -  ....... on the eve of the most horrendous Christmas I have EVER spent in my entire 57 years - caused by him - he decides to write and tell me how much he loves me and remind me in explicit details of the happiest Christmas I ever spent - the Christmas he proposed to me.

 

 

leaving me howling in pain and hurt and a shivering wreck on the floor.

HAS HE NO COMMON SENSE WHATSOEVER -  HAS HE NO ABILITY TO  PUT HIMSELF IN MY SHOES AT ALL.

 

But of course once again - I can't respond how I want to -  even though he wants me to stop treating him like a child - I have got to be the adult/parent here and try and understand why he is totally incapable of thinking about me or doing relationship with me and just accept he tried.

 

Expect that part of me (because of the horrid and explicit emails he has written and thus exposed how hard and calculating he really is) believes that he knew exactly what he was doing when he wrote that letter -  he is playing our friends (he can say Look how lovely I have been as a husband and taking your advise) and he is trying to play me - if I respond like a manic woman he can just show his 57 year old single friend how wonderful he's been and how irrational I am and how it was obviously all my fault that he couldn't do relationship with me

 

GIrls this is SO SO SO SO SO SO SO Hard.

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Take some deep breaths and count to ten, or a hundred, or a thousand or a million.   

 

   

 

Poor David, he has to get warm fuzzies from some stinky lonely bachelor instead of from his beautiful loving wife.  He hurts himself.  

 

Hold on tight to your Savior's hand.  Changes don't usually happen quickly.  Sadly you will need to sit back and wait.  There is nothing at all that you can do except take care of yourself

 

 

I believe I understand how you feel.  

Responding to him will not achieve a thing.  

Responding to him would probably backfire and hurt you more.  That's the reason not to respond.  Not because you're forbidden from responding. 

Asking for a letter was a good idea.  Your hopes were shattered.  I've done that (asked for affirming words on paper) before and it doesn't ever live up to my expectations. 

  

So.....

 

Who are you spending time with for Christmas?  I won't be too far from my laptop if you want to talk.  I have a couple family get togethers and I plan to sleep at night, but if you need to spill your guts it won't be too long before I read your message.  I'd rather you spend some time with friends and family than alone with your keyboard, but if it can't be helped I'm here.  OK? And as far as I know, the ladies' call tomorrow will happen.  

 

How was your drama group? 

What have you been learning in your P-P-P-P time?  

 

Tell me some things about you.  If I weren't on a forum about marriage, what kinds of things would you share with me about you?   What kind of drama have you done in the past?  Do you like decorating? history?  creating? or what? 

 

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Thank you lovely Crystal.  Your words are SO comforting to me. 

Praise the Lord I will not be alone at Christmas (and not be able to use the computer either - limited wifi)  My Daughter's parents in law have invited me to spend Christmas with them and my daughter and her husband.  So I will both be with my daughter and with a lovely couple who are very hospitable and will make me feel most welcome and who live in a beautiful part of the country.

My PPPP is going well - I had actually had a good week before this incident and I am determined not to let the incident define me.

The Drama was excellent - I found myself smiling all afternoon - and although I can't be in the panto as it is already cast - I have offered and was very gratefully accepted - to sing back stage as their voices aren't terribly strong and I have a good voice.
I also had a lovely time at the carol service with the three girl friends I took and we all had a good laugh.
 

My online web church cyber sisters (and brothers) are absolutely wonderful and they leave me encouraging messages (like you do) -  the time zone differences between US and UK work to my advantage -  if I am lonely in the middle of the night there is always someone from the church on line in the US so I have have a cyber chat with them which cheers me up. And the teaching from the pastor about true GRACE and how we are not condemned for our sins and should not have a sin consciousness is so wonderful and freeing (especially while David continues to want me to examine my every sin).

As for me ....... well - I am 57 with three wonderful children who mean the world to me and I wouldn't be without.  And two step children who I love dearly even though they have never really been terribly sociable.  Being a mum was the greatest joy and privilege in the world for me - I am so blessed to have been given the gift of caring for the next generation.

I have always been in love with God and Jesus and no matter what has happened in life HE has ALWAYS been there for me and I could not imagine life without him. I love reading and studying HIS Word and the friends I study with are very complimentary about my skills in explaining the Word to them.  I meet with one friend on a Tuesday, two on a Wednesday and several other friends on a fortnightly or monthly basis and we have a good laugh and wonderful time of caring and sharing whilst looking at what God's word tells us about Jesus and who we are in Christ.  I just LOVE being a Son of God.

I have never been career minded although have worked full time before the children and part time afterwards).  I am so keen to help and support the community and people in any way I can I have always been involved in some way or another on committees, running the PTA at school, being a School Governor, running a supper club, etc etc!  I am one of those funny people who adore office work and administration and filing!  My main training has been that of secretarial/pa work - but in latter years God had led me to other ventures which involved pastoring teenagers in a school - which was the most wonderful job ever.  I felt called by God (and David) to give that up when David was made redundant and thought I would miss it - but God's grace was there and I didn't look back.

As for the drama - which I used to love doing - I am tall and blonde with long legs - and always tended to play the principle boy in pantos (do you have pantomimes in America where the principle boy is a girl dressed up as a man and the dame is a man dressed as a woman!)  Or else I was the Baddie.  Both excellent roles.  I also did lots of singing and serious parts too -  I love being on stage - the adrenalin rush during the performances is wonderful and the sense of comaradory (?) amongst the cast during the rehearsals gives a real sense of one ness and fellowship for a common cause.

I don't have many "hobbies" as such - can't stand sewing (although done a lot and made tons of curtains chair covers and costumes)-  not keen on gardening - although I do it because I love a tidy garden - everything has to be neat and tidy and straight!!!!  All my planting is in pots and my fences are painted blue and I have a south facing garden which becomes like an outdoor room in the summer and I like eating out as often as possible - I love the sun.

I have two modes - full on or stop!!  I am either on the go all the time or fast asleep on a sun bed!
 

I love(d) being a mum and a house maker and am sad that this role has now really disappeared from my life.  I don't "enjoy" housework but without fail I do 5 ot 6 hours every Monday because I love a tidy home.  Everything has a place and thus nothing needs to be untidy.  BUT I am not obsessive!! Once a week and then I can live witjh any mess that week!!  My mum once gave me a plaque that said My House is Clean Enough to be Healthy but dirty enough to be Happy -  (I wish my home was still happy)>
 

 

I LOVE company and am not good on my own I would always prefer to be with people - I am a social animal (although not that keen on noisy parties) just talking to people.

As of January I will now have Four lodgers - all lovely girls in their twenties (my daughters say as they moved out I just replaced them with other daughters.  I love having girls from other countries as I can support them as a mother figure whilst they are away from home. One lodger has now lived with us for over 8 years and she is like a daughter to me and looks on me as a mum - she is Russian and has no home to go to any more - so calls this her home.

I have written a draft of a book about living and loving GOD - but have never got around to proofing it or publishing it and I suspect as the Holy Spirit gives me further revelation there are bits about the book I would keep changing!! so probably a never ending project.


 

I didn't used to read a lot except on my sun bed on holidays - but since I was given a Kindle as a present - I read lots now - even choosing to catch a slow train rather than a fast one if I am travelling - so that I get to read more.  Always Christian Grace Centred books - they so bless my heart.
 

 

I don't think I look bad for my age (in fact facebook the other day did a profile picture capture and told me I looked 37 (which wasn't bad for a 57 year old!!).  I seem to have a good fashion sense and am a bit of a clothes horse in that things seem to look good on me.  Like all women I know which parts of my body I don't like - but on the whole I know I can still turn a few heads!!!

 

So that's me!!!! 

Asking God to show me at present whether I should be having hope for reconciliation or whether I should be preparing myself for a new life.  I just feel in this limbo.  I do feel David needs some form of medical professional help with his  issues - but don't know how that is going to happen as he just isn't able to take on board anything except that which bullsters up his view and opinion.    The friend helping me and him is trying so hard - but david's main advise from what he has said to this friend - is from this single guy.

 

well - my stomach is saying it is breakfast time - so I will say goodbye and wish you the happiest of Christmasses -  thank you again for all your support this year xxx


 


 

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Merry Christmas!!  Enjoy!!!

 

Thank you for sharing all that LesMis!  It's a pleasure to know you and you too 4evr, I love that you openly share about yourself on your own thread!

 

If anyone else is following this thread, we'd be happy to know more about you too!! You may do that here if you like or on your own thread, either way is good!    [smilie=hi ya!.gif]

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