skiingco Posted March 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 Thanks CL....feeling very relaxed right now.....crossing my fingers the environment is sincerely good and I am not being hoodwinked....gosh, it would be so beautiful if my wife opened up to me this weekend....sigh, ok to dream, I do it often Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimothyPaul Posted March 19, 2015 Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 I'm sure they have mentioned on the men's calls that a wife will go hot-cold-hot-cold, etc.. Don't be disappointed if she doesn't warm up. It will show in a your behaviors and speech and she will know. Your goal is to be consistently loving regardless of the circumstances. TP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks TimPaul.....doing my best to stay steady and stay focused Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 on second thought, another week, another day full of attitude.....dolled up in a dress again and many other escapades that happened today...she knows I am [edit]ed and I don't care......I wish I never met her....I wasted my life on her and the being in the stupid Army.....I knew growing up in the misery I was surrounded in I did not have a chance at happiness...she has methodically alienated my kids from me.....I think the therapist my son sees is a lesbian and quite frankly I am suspicious she has no commitment once so over to help my son focus on being a kid and maintaining a relationship with BOTH his parents......once again, GOD is AWOL......cannot do this alone, despite everything, why is he not softening my wife's heart.....so sick and tired of this crap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimothyPaul Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 . Remember God always works through people. Think of every story you know in the Bible, it's alway God using people. God's not going to soften your wife's heart. But God will use you, if you let Him, to show the Light of Christ to your wife, and that will soften her heart. You have to fight the frustration. As you can see from your post, it's bringing out the anger and bitterness that still is inside your heart. TP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) When we quit seeing God as the great Big Being somewhere off in the distance who either helps us -when He feels like it- or goes AWOL on us when He feels like it- quit seeing Him as some mysterious but unobtainable power who somehow holds all of our happiness in His hands and can allow it to always happen to someone else, but never us.. when we start to learn WHO God really IS - when we start to learn that HE is the Creator whom we worship.. when we start to read the Bible with a desire to learn His real character- we become more steady.. more faithful.. more happy.. because we are like Him... made in His image... When we start to realize how destructive and damaging it is to leave bitterness and hatred inside of us- how those are cancers that eat us alive.. when we realize the horrible price Jesus paid so that we would not have to remain slaves to those very understandable and human states.. when we start to grasp that there is a much, much better reality outside of what we can immediately see or have experienced (think Matrix).... Then we can begin to progress! No longer will our growth be defined by or limited to what others' say or do in response to us.. because we will be looking up to our Redeemer instead of to the elusive goal of "happiness." And suddenly, as CS Lewis says: we are "surprised by joy." Edited March 21, 2015 by 4evrHZdtr3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 I know he can intervene...I asked for help with selling the car and with alot of effort from me it happened...this weekend could have been a great weekend to make a step to restoration....instead...her could shoulder with juvenile behavior yet again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 something went wrong with that topic....missing words Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 I am a human being and I need to be able to touch my wife.....she has no compassion and clearly does not care about destroying my body to provide a living for them.......I acknowledged my horrible behavior and all my wrongs.....worked with so much humility while she has done what she wants and methodically alienated the kids from me.....I was here all this time and she did not have the decency to let me pick them up from school, go to eat and take them to dojo.......I can sense they are looking at me as irrelevant and SHE IS WRONG for doing that.....I am the other parent and there is no way her intentional malice to take all the time with them is Christlike, yet she continues to get away with it without any consequences.....I pray to GOD to be with my family, not to be somebody thrown in the gutter and wait for her to throw crumbs at me when she feels like it...........I made pop tarts for my 7 year old and I to eat this morning, and now we are watching mickey mouse clubhouse together I am praying GOD puts some compassion in her charcoal heart and opens her eyes up so she can offer for us three to do something together today.....my 11 year old is camping at Boy Scouts right now on the trip I was supposed to be on, and had to go through the embrassment of telling the other adults, working Dads, I would not be there to help them......Boy Scout to adult ratio is important and have explained this to my 11 year old but thanks to my wife and the therapist mumbo jumbo, I have an 11 year old that thinks it is ok to box me out of the meetings and campings for something we started together How exactly is that GOD working in our lives.......I simply do not believe in heart that GOD is ok with me suffering like a dog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 And then I can just hear it from everyone, "well if you hadn't been with another woman" or " at least you are under the same roof and get to see the kids a little" YES...I am grateful, but there needs to be a transition to a step to being a real family again......it is unreasonable for me to have to stay in limbo exiled knowing how crazy I was about my wife and enjoying our married, adult time together........when she rationed it out to me I chased my wife for 10 years after our firstborn and it what good is it to be married if you cant't have passion and sex with the woman you are married to.....I don't ever want to hear another wife again talk about her husband not being interested in her.......I am crazy about my wife, was crazy about my wife and she could care less..................no baby sitter for 10 years, because she didn't trust anyone, not even my cousin's teenage daughter who was in a youth group and graduated with her AA degree before her High School Diploma.....in other words, we moved back to FL on military assignment in 2010 and my cousin's daughter was a safe bet, but that still was not good enough.......traveling on vacation, did not want to pay for an adjoining room when they were older, because she was frugal, so I could have my adult time with her..........in other words, until I was seperated in SC, we always had money left over to pay off credit card, make our annual 10,500 towards ROTH with money left over......we could have afforded the adjoining room.....oh by the way, that was normally more expensive than simply getting a baby sitter for a few hours..............but none of that happened Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 TimPaul, I have nothing but beaten submission, need, some kind of affection.......what she and everyone else doesn't get is that IT MAKES IT EXPONENTIALLY WORSE for me to do everything I can and get not even on once of decent human interaction......I am human, I need touch..........I definitely do not need her using my sons to ask me questions when we are in the same room..........so JUVENILE with attitude, sick of it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 so, changed out clothes dryer, folded, new load, washed up, came down, helped move furniture in dining room on my knee dolly....we have tall wooden chairs....have to be agile to do that.....to help while she vacuumed carpet pieces......swept floor, because she is going to mop.....going back upstairs to see if load is done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4evrHZdtr3 Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 You are angry and lonely.. and understandably so.... I know how you feel... There isn't one single situation that you are describing that I have not suffered, and much more, at the hands of two merciless, uncompassionate men who were both abusive and unfaithful. I took all of that for two marriages- the first eighteen years and the second one also about eighteen years. The first husband was also neglectful, physically abusive and rationed sex- or treated me like a vending machine. The only time I got eye contact from him was when he wanted some. I have been lied to, lied about, stolen from, betrayed, denied intimacy and the list goes on. In the second marriage, the courts refused to hold my ex accountable for any of the many ways he was in contempt of court. And my six children all went through this with me... and they have all been turned against me for some part of their lives... The mediator refused to see anything except father's rights.. and crafted agreements for the judge that I never agreed to... And you are right.. God doesn't wish any of this upon you.. But people do what they will do.. and God allows it because He allows free will and knows how great His redemptive grace and ability is.. He knows what His plans are for those who fully surrender their hearts - their minds, wills and emotions to Him... If I were to guess, I would say that you have a very big problem with your understanding of and relationship to God. You are in some way separated from knowing and experiencing His love for you... And that leaves you to wallow in the muck of what's going on.. angry at what you are being denied.. angry at what you are experiencing.. angry at why you are being required to be good when she is not... and that's a hard, dangerous place to be. I hope you will look up and surrender and ask God to pull you out of this soulish muck and mire- and set your feet on the firm foundation of His love and provision for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 I am surrendered and time and time again praying for intervention, knowing full well not to take any problems on, because I am incapable. I have been boxed out on the outside and fighting for my family........she is not going to respond to anything I do, obviously, so I am relying on him, the Holy Spirit, to touch her on some other way......there is collateral damage here, that she could care less about, every day she doesn't try, is every day my kids lose out on both of them doing things with both parents.....I am so disappointed in all this time here she could not give up at least one day or alternate to letting me take them to after school activities and eat their weekly stops.......I have no respect for that at all....she does not have exclusive rights with our kids, no way am I going to believe GOD expects one parent to spend all their free time.....that IS NOT what a family is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 I try not to think about GOD's love for me and instead believe he has more vested in her and the kids, because of the damage I inflicted. The ministry could care less about any pain I am feeling, because all I get is the adultery card thrown back at me.....when I hear die on the cross for your wife I also hear you may never be with your wife again and your kids are going to end up with another guy or woman as her partner......it is incredibly infuriating that GOD would let that happen and my only hope is that he would answer my prayers for a miracle to not just keep my family together, but to let me be a husband in all ways with my wife...so I can't think about GOD's love for me, I pray and get help from time to time and in between, I am getting my judgement sentence Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7Times Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) skiingco, I just prayed for you. The enemy is getting into your head big time. I have been there too. You're probably already aware of this, but your posts are really beginning to reflect your physical / sexual needs and anger because of that frustration. God created us with those needs, so they are obviously real, but right now my thought is that you are going to have to pray to have those thoughts and needs put aside for now. They appear to be diverting your focus. Physical intimacy will be one of the results of consistent Christ-like actions, but right now those thoughts are sabotaging your efforts which are to bless her (right through that frustration). At least the motivation for doing so. I know, easier said than done, but this is your time in the desert and this is a need which needs to be put on hold (IMO). Especially because it is pulling you from being the best person you are capable of with the purest of intentions. Man, believe me I understand. You are not alone in this. Pray to have God remove you from that fog and anger. Don't give up on God. You need to go through what you're going through right now to truly grow. It is clearly breaking you, so please try too look at that as a positive thing. If you accept it, I beliqe you will eventually be renewed. That is brutally painful at times. I know. Edited March 21, 2015 by 7Times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7Times Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25 Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. Edited March 21, 2015 by 7Times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 IMO? thanks for the prayers....not sure about that acronym you posted......I cannot tell what blesses her....I don't know if she accepts that I am trying....I have no confidence in knowing if anything has caught her attention in any way..........honestly, anyone trying to win their wife's heart back is curious at some point if their wife is considering to give the guy a chance.....I am burnt now....way too much energy wasted thinking about her and the behavior I keep getting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLove Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 Skiingco, there is a lot of good wisdom and insight being shared with you. We all want to see you restored and your family to be living an extraordinary life. As I read through posts this morning I was reminded of an order post of mine related to Dave Willis who wrote a great post at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/4-ways-to-know-when-someone-really-loves-you/, titled 4 ways to know you when someone really loves you. Take a moment to read it and ask yourself if you are demonstrating that love. If you stop thinking about God's love for you and not embracing it, then there is no way you can share his love with your family or others. It has to come from the deep connection with you Heavenly Father. I want to suggest another quick read titled, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. While not directed at Christians specifically, if you have a solid understanding of your faith in God it makes a lot of sense. You are loved, your sins have been atoned for, your sentence has been commuted by Christ dying on the cross for you. Yes we have to walk out our lives in a sinful, fallen world, but we have victory and eternal life NOW! My dear brother in Christ, we love you and pray for you that you truly embrace the love the Lord has for you. This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. I leave you this blessing today... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--zbW8Z9m-4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 CL, I don't doubt GOD's Love and I embrace that Christ died for our sins. I am being hazed in full force by the very nature of human flaws and my wife's vindictive, vengeful nature. She is acting out the epitome humans terrible nature. I will not for a second believe she is oblivious to the suffering I am going through, especially when she knows how much I enjoyed her company. I was experienced going into the marriage, so there is relevance when I acknowledge how much I enjoyed having passion with her versus all those I had been with before. Then there is the travesty of us not doing things together as a family. She is doing a perfect job demonstrating human behavior Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 I will say my prayers tonight, and again at service tomorrow. I will write this letter for my wife's signature to the leadership of the Army in the tone that she is this caring wife who wants her husband fixed before he is released. I will probably go see a matinee. My 11 year old will get picked up from the camping trip he told me he did not want me to go on. Clearly, GOD and the Holy Spirit is the only chance to intervene. It is obvious my wife would prefer I die so she can collect the 400K insurance and find a replacement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 Thank you for the Blessing....that was very soothing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7Hmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7Times Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I know, easier said than done, but this is your time in the desert and this is a need which needs to be put on hold (IMO)IMO = In My Opinion. Sometimes I'm careful not to offer suggestions as fact rather than options or a possible point of view, especially if it is not directly from the Bible. However, the "time in the desert" idea is biblical... as you know. Still praying for you. You seem to be feeding your anger. I have done the same thing recently and am trying to remember that it is a choice as to what thoughts I feed (love) and what thoughts I starve (selfishness and bitterness). All of what you are saying may very well have some validity, but all of this process surely is not fair. I have found that out. You must admit that those thoughts about her mistreatment of you are not helping. In fact, they seem to be driving you crazy and driving you away from God. satan wants that to happen. Is he winning? Maybe your learning opportunity is to love her through that unfairness and anger - as impossible and infuriating as that may seem on the surface...IMO Edited March 21, 2015 by 7Times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skiingco Posted March 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2015 7x...I am just looking for relief from GOD....I cannot type all the things she has done today and in the short time since I posted....her behavior disgusts me.....I hate to type this, but I am wasting my life again......she is full of attitude and selfish behavior.......I have nothing good to say.....it does not matter what I do.....GOD must intervene...she is not responding to anything and is on a hateful path......we could be a happy family and all she is doing is putting all her efforts to stop it and not one little ounce of effort to us, which just validates she never cared about me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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