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She is very hurt.  I am sure she does not want to be that negative person, reacting out of the flesh.  The good thing is you are demonstrating to your boys love and providing them a safe place. I recommend this prayer for you to pray for your wife...

 

Prayer is so powerful.  If you are a husband the best gift you can give your wife is to bless her every night with a prayer.

“I speak blessings over the life, body, soul, spirit and heart of _______________. Her heart is healed by the love of God and she is healthy and whole enough to pass this healing onto others.  ____________ sees herself as beautiful to God, herself and her husband.  She is balanced in her emotions and makes sound decisions, following the leading of the Holy Spirit.  She sees success as making God smile.  She makes God smile everyday.

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two days in a row hounding me to trade in 2014 toyota prius c and 2012 Kia Sedona Van to get yet another car and lose thousands.....keeps texting me while I am in class and won't answer the phone to discuss all the while saying we are just married on paper reminding me she is going to divorce.....this is juvenile behavior......van is hardly used and has less on loan meaning we can get more money by selling Craig's list, but she does not agree to that.....not to mention, I still have to find a job once I leave SC......govt paycheck ends 1 Dec.......still says I can't move back home

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so, after mens call, did not take my invite to call, so I texted her the three items reference car, europe in the future and visiting her brother this summer.....left a smiley face and rose in the car....she is back to ignoring me......ok with just giving her space

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saw my wifes family counselor today and great convo....she is a supporter of saving marriages....came up my crowding her and smothering her...happy to say I am thoroughly enjoying not texting her tonight nor will I tomorrow...at one point tonight was talking to my 7 yr old about his homework and she interrupted and used a very demeaning disrespectful tone at me in front of both kids...I said nothing and am glad I am not wasting my time tomorrow texting....I am relieved..and optimistic I may sleep 5 straight hours....maybe

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CL.....I know, just feels good to be off the hook temporarily....not to mention, nothing has seemed to take traction.....still.......BTW....counselor echoed something that came up with my son's therapist, who also talks to my wife, which is to put in effort into my sons.....they both mentioned how close she is to the two boys and there may end up being beneficial progress through strengthening my relationship with them

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Bizarre....bizarre.....bizarre......talked to Joel tonight, long story short, wife continues to stay committed to divorce yet wants a midsize hybrid sedan like yesterday instead of the 2014 Prius we bought in August or 6Cylinder minivan that was a Christmas gift in 2012 to replace the Van she missed sorely two years earlier.......I could not stand having a Van all those years, but stayed with it for her and the boys happiness/comfort.......for years she said a larger car made her feel carsick, but now it is ok......I am going to get it done in the midst of all the other things I have to take care of for retirement and moving back to FL, finding a job, two more surgeries........this one I cannot wait to get complete and leave behind......this is a clear case of holding the adultery over my head and saying nothing else matters......but on the bright side, I will get rid of the van :)

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Never mind to getting her a mid-sized car?  Hey, welcome to a woman's right to vent, say things, not mean them, change her mind, feel differently the next day. Hey, who knows? Tomorrow she might want to make out! You just never know.. keeps you on your toes! 

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A mystery indeed......volatile week is shaping up.  Today her response to texting good morning was for me to find another place to stay next medical leave next month.  Also, Son's therapist in response to my request to meet with her while in town, tells me she already discussed with Georgina for both of us to come in together for a session.  Georgina did not tell me.  I warned the therapist Georgina is anxious to get in front of someone, vent at me, tell me all she wants is a divorce.  I know this becuase she has yelled it to me before.  On top of that, John turns 12 this weekend while we are camping.  Other adult leader, said he was fine with me arranging for a BDay cake and suggested Sat night which is campfire/skit night.  Now, knowing that Georgina is fuming, I am going to invite her to bring my 7yr old out with cake and participate, and I am expecting hostile reaction.  Even if she agrees, will be weird to do this on Saturday when I know Friday she is going to yell at me in front of the therapist that all she wants is a divorce.

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I have read the threads and would have to continue reading to memorize.....applying something that actually catches...that is a different story...recent posts are not complaints...I am not looking fwd 2 her yelling at me and telling me just give me a divorce

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Skiingco,


 


The reason I asked is because the men who have navigated to the other side have a different attitude than you. They are usually if not always positive. Your posts whether you see it or not are very negative and do sound like a lot of whining. If we are picking this up, I am sure your wife is as well. This may be why she is responding the way she is.


 


She is your mirror. Instead of trying to see why she is responding a certain way, use the interactions to learn how to be a better you. I have talked to many many wives and they all say their husbands are complaining and whining when the husbands think they are not


.


I will list some here. I would advise you to read them from start to finish even if you have read them before. Then reread your thread and find the difference.


 


http://joelandkathy.com/boards/index.php?/topic/74-too-many-false-assurances-of-change-lead-to-divorce/


 


http://joelandkathy.com/boards/index.php?/topic/3018-2-timothy-314/


 


http://joelandkathy.com/boards/index.php?/topic/2002-where-do-i-start/


 


http://joelandkathy.com/boards/index.php?/topic/4591-ready-to-be-the-man-of-my-womans-dreams/


 


http://joelandkathy.com/boards/index.php?/topic/21-the-dying-process-is-so-hard/


 


God Bless


David

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whiny does not apply to her malicious vindicative behavior that is affecting the boys....I emailed her earlier today about coming out to camp with cake to surprise my son....response is my 12 yr old tells me the camping which us always 3d wkd of the month "overlaps" his bday plans she decided to tell him about...mind you she has been taking him to all boy scout meetings since Jan...I had to pull out of an earlier camping trip and now he is saying he willnot go or have to leave Sat night when the other adults are relying on my commitment...she is out for revenge and it is inexcusable...PERIOD

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I dont agree....3 surgeries and countless round trip 16hr driving to go back to FL and in all that time not one moment to check if I was ok...I suspect she is hoping I die for the insurance money....heartless woman

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David u r not helping...u r missing alot of background to throw unsolicited hipshots at me...u r way off...I have missed so many events while being in the military providing for my family...she knew he was going to be camping...if she made plans and forgot she should have immediately replied like an adult so we could adjust as his parents...plural...I am going to presume she is excluding me from these plans she made...so I am now the one that has to take the embrassment of backing out of camp and not surprising with the other boyscouts caused by her decision to act juvenile and u say I have a bad attitude....definitely not...she needs to be accountable

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and another thing...I am on borrowed time...I dont have time for rhetorical questions....if I didnt want my wife back I would have abandoned them and paid to live with a young third country woman to cater to my needs....I am fighting for my family and enduring her behavior while GOD watches on the sidelines over and over and over....praying for help and grace does not equate to getting abusive demeaning disrespectful behavior in front of my kids...but no I will keep taking the hazing wasting my time sending a text when all she cares about is herself....yeah this is sooooooo helpful

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I am an idiot.....talk about crow pie........it was my son this whole time suggesting to leave from camp and not may wife....I took a chance to call her and we were able to calmly settle on her coming out Saturday night with my 7yr old and she has taken the ball to get the cake and plan with the other adult.......so,  I am an idiot.....it is hard for me to avoid thinking conspiracy because of what has happened so many times since I ended the affair and started this journey of trying to convince my wife I and my sons are worth keeping the family together.........my apologies David.  BTW...threads of other guys divorced addicted to porn don't really help me.....I slept with another women over a four month period that included my wife's birthday.......I watched porn in the past but have not looked at in 18 months, praise GOD.....the only body I want is my wife's and I say that only in the context of the sequential part of a relationship that is healed.....I would kill to be able to hold my wife's hand, hug her or just simply give a daily greeting kiss

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It is maddening not knowing if anything is working or if getting through...it only escalates the stress and pressure just that much more

 

When a husband builds up a track record of doing the right thing, whether the response is warm or not, things get better. When a husband continues to learn from his mistakes as he continues to practice loving like Christ, then things get even better. When the weather of your relationship becomes sunny more often than not, then it becomes the climate of your experience with your husband. Predictable, warm, enviting and safe. Then your heart will begin to inform your anxious mind that it will be o.k., that you are able to trust the Lord with the outcome, and that your husband has proven himself trustworthy enough to begin to drop more and more of your defenses.

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