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Skiingco,

If you want her heart to change towards you, you must change your heart towards her. All the threads I sent you are ones where it is quite obvious the man's heart had changed. It's not about the circumstances. It's about the heart. It's about your heart.

I have been helping men for the last six plus years. In that time, I have seen every type possible including men just like you. I have also been very fortunate of being able to talk to many many wives who have openly shared their hearts with me. I have an understanding of both sides of the coin. You only have your side.

As a military guy,you have spent many hours being trained to do the job you have chosen to do. It is meticulous and I am sure frustrating and exhausting at first. It takes time to become a part of the known process. At some point, you had to make a decision to trust those leading you were going to lead you to become the best. This is what everyone here is asking you to do.

The people here have come before you. They have seen the landscape. They have seen the potential danger zones and the actual danger zones. They want to make sure you make it back to camp. These people are your intel operatives. Each one who has posted on your thread has done so because they have CHOSEN to CARE about you. They only want to see you succeed.

I would advise you listen, take the intel into your heart and act on it even if it makes no sense whatsoever. We only have access to you not your wife. We can only help you with YOU. Stop being defensive, stop attacking, open up your heart and listen.

God Bless
David

Edited by For Him For Her
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David...I understand.....there is nothing here to apply to her behavior such as when she doesn't talk to me including not answering simple questions in front of our kids......I am so much better now when I am in their presence versus the way I was....I know she felt my anger months ago when she did this.  There is so much going on and no progress....my faith was vested in GOD answering my prayers and week to week it is the same with her....divorce divorce divorce.......as long as I continue to get that from her then I know GOD has not got to her yet, in one form are another. 

 

So I continue to do things, like selling cars, living in a tent to get debt paid off, without looking back knowing that she may still tell me in OCT or earlier that she is still going to get a divorce.

 

I honestly am getting to the point where I dont know what is the next step here.  I have all this time I spent working on myself praying for Christ to ooze through me and I see no change in her....I feel static...that can't possibly be the road to her changing her mind

 

This is all about her changing her mind and deciding to open back up to me and save our family.....so far nothing....she is still on the same track

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I dreamed last night of what it would be like if she surprised me at our meeting Friday with my son's therapist and unexpectedly said I am going to stay but.... there was crying and me getting on my knees thanking her and I even envisioned us leaving the appointment and going home to lay in bed together.........but I woke up, added it to the list of dreams, the vision of what it would be like to be reconciled to her

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This is all about her changing her mind and deciding to open back up to me and save our family.....so far nothing....she is still on the same track

 

I just want to say, from a woman's perspective, that you don't really know whether she is on the same track or not.  Your wife needs to see, and feel, your CONSISTENT changes over time, before she will be able to open up her heart to you again.  She has been badly shaken.  The man who promised to love and cherish her, until death should part them, threw her away, so to speak.  She CANNOT change her own heart.  She needs your consistent actions of love and God's help.

 

Patience, Skiingco.  You'll make it.

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MJ...I believe I can unless she pulls the plug before the changes take.  I am ok and can pace with however long she needs, all the while improving.  Today could have been catastrophic had I immediately accused her of taking my son away.  Instead, by GODs grace, she told me it way my 12 yr old trying to peel away from camp.  My wife not only agreed to bring a cake out, but took the lead.  I hope she decides to go through with it....I sense it will be a great Oxytocin moment for her to come out to the campsite and surprise him.

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This is a great topic for the men's call. All of the guys are dealing with the same type of feelings and issues.

Be sure to bring that up on the call if I don't think about it. 

Tony is in California, so his times during the calls are 6 pm - 8 or 9 pm... obviously prime time for his bride..   but perhaps he will be able to dial in for a few minutes at some point.   Everyone will benefit from this topic and I am sure that every guy on the call will be able to share from his own efforts at overcoming frustrating emotions.

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applying what I learned...first pls tell me where Mike posts....Tim Dave Tony OC Joel thank you gor your mentorship and counsel thank you for staying involved...all scripture is GOD spoken and proper reproof....tonight I am thankful for my wife letting me stay here...pray to Christ the King of Kings of whom all things are possible by me believing in him...I pray Jesus that with our Father's Grace I will be the man of Chris in your image that becomes the life force for her healing and lightens out of darkness the path to our family restored and worshiping in your house...Pray GOD your Heavenly Grace on our shoulders be the calming peace at our counseling session

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answer to prayer...did not get in counsel session...therapist and wife came out and had been crying...unexpectedly family ate together at mall food court later...first time in a longtime...wife is not wearing wedding ring but another ring in place...my counsel session with family military counselor ran over an hour...happy to been together tonight

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Heavenly father I praise you for your neverending love and saving me today from my emotional anxiety from the counseling session and I praise you for protecting my family from events tha would have kept us from spending time together...I ask you Father as a sinned son to bless me guide me to being the best Christlike servant to ny son during camping and then to my family when we are rejoined Sunday your sabbath day ...guide me lord in going where it is you need me to go to serve you

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Jesus king of kings my greatredeemer...I pray you absolve me of all the anger I have from not being with my family and I pray for you to teach me on how to bless my wife Lord with agape love.. in your precious name Amen

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I wrote a long post here today and then it was gone. Will try again tomorrow. It was great talking with you on the men's call last night with Joel, David and Tim. Hope you feel encouraged and loved. Hang on brother, this too will pass. Think back to other times in your life where things were tough and out of control - this too will pass - the question is will you come out on the other side bitter and angry at God or Blessed and Christlike, regardless of what happens with your wife.

 

Remember, God gives us all free will, not just your wife. What do you choose this day.

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Heavenly Father I pray for your grace on my wife who continues to hurt from my destructive selfish behavior and I pray for my sons who are hurt by my behavior and left with the burden of comforting their injured mother...I pray to be a Christlike servant for you and I pray for their forgiveness and your grace to allow us to be a family again..I know all things are possible through you and I ask all these things to you the King of Kings who so many times before has lifted my family from pain...I am so blessed father and pray for another chance to be the husband and father to my family that you need me to be...please GOD allow us to come back to your church as a family whole and healed...please GOD grant me the wisdom to gain my wife and sons trust to join me in praising your name....in Jesus name I pray all these things Amen

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today she has bday plans for him to include cake...she finished his room in batman theme with batman fathead...I was not supposed to know but another mom told me...so I am at Sams and will have to hand him over then go home clean up gear....hurt or not there is some selfish overcast to keeping him to herself and I she is taking advantage of my efforts to lay down for her...today us the lords sabbath day and it is tainted...so unfortunate

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Good Morning Skiingco,

Just a thought here...

 

....hurt or not there is some selfish overcast to keeping him to herself and I she is taking advantage of my efforts to lay down for her...today us the lords sabbath day and it is tainted...so unfortunate

 

I would like you to think about changing your perceptions on this. She may or may not be selfish or controlling in this.. but it does not taint the Lord's Sabbath Day which was created for us to rest in Him and be renewed. It's also a little dangerous for you to determine her motives without talking to her.. and it can only hurt you in the long run. I would just continue (as you have been doing so nicely) to turn this completely over to God and let Him bless it and determine the motives, etc.. You have the power to allow this Lord's Day to be "tainted" or not.

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funny you should mention that.....I met her at Sams.....was going to leave, my Son said he preferred Hungry Howies instead of Sams pizza, so we all agreed I would stop get Hungry Howies while she got the cake with them that she ordered.......we ended up eating lunch back at the house....I finished cleaning the gear, she is taking a nap with the 7yr old, my now 12 yr old is watching tv.....I am going to wash the rest of my son and I's clothes then go get a kettle pot for scout use by my sons (dutch oven cooking campfires), get her weekly gift and she has already committed to us eating his BDay cake later......my son's Batroom looks awesome, my wife should not have moved all the furniture but she did not want me to be part of it, which hurts.....nonetheless, I am spending time with them....she texted me earlier during her angry tirade and told me to go somewhere else next weekend...if it holds, I will turn that into a chance to go see my sister in Cocoa Beach........my wife is officially not wearing any ring out in public

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