Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Recommended Posts

You take and be grateful for any interaction your wife allows you. The more graciously and kindly you can do that, the more likely your wife will begin to feel little stirrings of admiration and respect in her heart for you. She won't be able to help it. No matter how long she goes without a ring. After all she fell for you once. She admired you once.

 

It will take being consistent at this on your part. It looks to me like you have a good start made. You are only venting here, or on the calls, right? Not in her presence or in the children's hearing. Your children should hear only admiration for your wife, their mother. It puts them in an awkward position if you should happen to mumble, "She should have done this or that." Children naturally want to stick up for their parents, but what if one parent is complaining about the other one? It puts them in a bind.

 

And don't worry about the possibility that your wife might complain about you in front of the children. Your consistently respectful attitude toward your wife and family will work toward healing all of you!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 402
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

MJ...only venting here...I told the therapist I know my wife still does not want to stay married....David....I read those threads...you get me upset....between you and OC I only end up focusing that nothing is working on her...I am not doing this for my family to break apart...if GOD is not going to heal us and keep us together then I could care less what happens...I am not talking about thid again

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

 

David....I read those threads...you get me upset....between you and OC I only end up focusing that nothing is working on her...I am not doing this for my family to break apart...if GOD is not going to heal us and keep us together then I could care less what happens...I am not talking about thid again 

       The only reason I got on the men's call was to speak with you. Your whole problem is your focus. I have tried to help you to see this but I can only lead you to the foot of the cross. I can not make you choose it. I will bow out .

 

God Bless

David

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, but talking about living to Christ's calling when my wife decides not to save the marriage and keep the family together is depressing.....my prayers are for GOD to keep my family together and touch me to be the husband and father he needs me to be to my family....I am asking him to let me have the responsbility to bring my family back to the cross....I am asking for the responsibility to honor my wife and nurture my kids in a Christian home.....I am not turning down the cross...parents are held responsible for nurturing their children to live in Christ....I failed up to this point and I am asking GOD to let me redeem myself

Link to post
Share on other sites

What you are missing here is that God has given you an opportunity here to redeem yourself, he led you to this ministry to help you become the man He is calling you to be. You are putting God into a box and saying that you will only do this if He restores your marriage and that is the same selfishness that broke up your marriage to begin with. That is what God wants to heal you from but you are so quick to argue and reject because you think you have this all figured out but you don't - how do you not see that?

 

Remember what I previously said, about the hurt you have given your wife. Your not taking responsibility for it because if you were, you wouldn't be here complaining or worrying about what she was or was not doing. You would be here asking what your doing wrong and asking for help on how to heal her, not blamming, not being resentful.....

 

You are called to love your wife with AGAPE love, unconditional love.

 

Yet you are laying out conditions.

 

Don't you see it? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I get that my point is I am not praying to live without my family...I am praying to be reunited with my family..she is taking the boys somewhere this weekend after my 7yr old already asked two weeks ago for me to take him back to Epcot but I am ok...she told me she was taking them away so I just said ok...I am going to Cocoa Bch to spend weekend with Sis and two kids...rough time for her...husband and her came back from infedelity and he has decided to go be with someone else...I actually am looking fwd to giving my wife room

Link to post
Share on other sites

living in a tent dont get to see the kids and wife wants a divorce...is this not a sexy life or what.....I tell you th Apostle Paul was truly the real Superman for A.D. he set the benchmark

Link to post
Share on other sites

Skiiingco  I am glad you are fighting the good fight sticking to the ministry and getting help.  It is hard work to apply what we are learning, but we will be better off in the long run.We need to keep an eternal perspective.  I really want to recommend that you take a moment and check out the 21 Day Brain Detox at http://21daybraindetox.com/.  I see you battling your mind.  You could really benefit from this tool along with mindful meditation.  I understand how your thought life can tear you up, however God gave you the ability to capture each thought and to choose your response and not react out of the flesh.  I have the same battles my friend, you are not alone in this.  You have had many here on the forum and the calls that are pouring into.  We care and want the best for you and your family.  

 

tumblr_ne48toKGoB1r12tq8o1_500.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome back CL.....I believe my wife is taking the boys to the Lakeland Sun n Fun Fly In...my hometown, huge aircraft event, worked it three years in a row when the SOCOM Jump team appeared, got my wife n kids in with DV Passes, benefit the demonstators who get, actually caught flack from my wife for supporting the team and I find it ironic that the wife of the Team Captain, a Federal GS Employee, keeps her informed when events happen, and my wife takes the boys without me....I am becoming more numb each time she does this....I am looking forward to being with my sis at Cocoa Beach, may even take a surfing lesson just for giggles......I am glad I will have a weekend away from dealing with her anger and tone she uses in front of the boys.....she is getting space and maybe that will be positive, I don't know....just glad not be putting up with it for a weekend, after spending a weekend and three nights in a tent.....catch you up on that later....good news is my debt reduction plan is working if I can just hold on.....saw Orthopedic today, surgery is 14 May...should be another 30 days off....will be able to get some visiting in, work on retirement stuff, go to camp with my son...all good

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, but talking about living to Christ's calling when my wife decides not to save the marriage and keep the family together is depressing.....my prayers are for GOD to keep my family together and touch me to be the husband and father he needs me to be to my family....I am asking him to let me have the responsbility to bring my family back to the cross....I am asking for the responsibility to honor my wife and nurture my kids in a Christian home.....I am not turning down the cross...parents are held responsible for nurturing their children to live in Christ....I failed up to this point and I am asking GOD to let me redeem myself

Focusing on what your wife is doing or saying is (very understandable, but) is disobeying Philippians 4:8. YES, your wife's actions are depressing, but remember the movie Matrix? There's a different reality that God is trying to show you. Creating the Christian home that you desire starts by creating it NOW while you are yet outside of it. Don't "despise the day of small (humble) beginnings" -Zechariah 4:10-  for the Lord sees all that you are going through and His "arm is not too weak, nor His ear too deaf" Isaiah 59:1. If you cannot or will not accept this cross that you are on- being required to die daily and turn to God, then you are turning from the cross.

 

And whether or not it is your situation or mine- for example- we both have to embrace the cross. I don't have the life I had hoped for. It doesn't seem that God answered my prayers. I have had to wrestle with being severely disappointed with Him and with life. BUT... I decided to surrender and let the process take its course. I am finally seeing that even though my daughter not only didn't have a godly daddy, she has a perverse one that coached her to try porn and self-gratification to stay pure (!!!!!!) I am finally seeing that God is so able to do what is good and right.. He just sometimes takes another path because our free wills get in the way. My daughter is "on fire" for God. At seventeen she LOVES her youth group and her church. She wants to be a missionary to Africa for a year. She regularly says things like: "Mom, I am missing you. Can we spend some time together?"  Or "Are you OK? Is there anything I can do for you?"

 

I thought the route to a daughter like that was my happy healthy marriage and a godly husband and father. I wanted it more than anything. But because of my ex's will it wasn't to be. And GOD SHOWED UP... because I allowed Him to have His way in my heart!

 

And one more thing.. I tried that "redeeming myself" stuff for awhile. It doesn't work. Just bears rotten fruit. Jesus is the ONLY Redeemer.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Skiico listen to 4ver and read her thread.  She has been through a lot.  Seeing her faith bear fruit as described above is awesome.  I agree we can't redeem ourselves - we can't wipe away the sin, it just continues to stick - Jesus is the only Redeemer.

 

10f76a7e8783138a07d9f5a91bd79968.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

that is what a meant...Christ redeem my sins and lead me to be the Christlike Husband anf Father

 

Father GOD I am here again awoken by the wages of my sin....I pray gor your Grace to grant me the wisdom and support my eife on her time of hurt...may you bless her snd our sons spending time this weekend and I ask in your will that we be reunited again as a loving healed family...I ask all these things through Jrsus Christ the King of Kings...whose blood washed away our sins snd whose love is higher than any other...Amen Praise GOD through him all things are possible

Link to post
Share on other sites

not looking for comment just typing thoughts....during prayer this morning...thought came to mind again....will our family be restored and back again....nobody has the answer....one of the harder parts of faith wondering if I am wasting my time asking to be reunited with my family....GOD must know I am being sincere

Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you read my thread? 

 

The bottom line to this ministry is that it is a vehicle for possible marriage and family restoration after adultery or other types of unfaithfulness or abuse.. but it's real purpose is to give men and women the opportunity to mature emotionally and to  cultivate a deeper level of integrity and stronger character as part of becoming more Christ-like. ALL while respecting an individual's free will. When this happens marriages do get restored.

 

A child wants his or her candy at the end of the day. When my ex signed off of this ministry his statement was that he did not want to be "carrot and sticked." THAT is a typical child's perception of when natural consequences come as a result of choices. it's also a bitter, rebellious response.

 

A man or woman of God- on the other hand-  is satisfied that they grew up and learned how to be more selfless, more patient and much more loving BECAUSE they connected with God and His purposes.

 

Therefore if the agony of losing your family- either temporarily or permanently- and it is agony! a living death! - becomes more important than your right relationship with God, then there's some idolatry involved.. the cross and resurrection are missed and you go on unchanged ready to recreate the same messes that caused you to find this ministry in the first place. 

 

Today I am so much more healthy and mature than I was in 2012. I am getting myself prepared for whatever God has for me. That may be another husband.. it may yet be restoration and it may be that i have to accept being single. All three scare me if I dwell on any of them!! But I know God knows what is best for me and He has GOOD plans and an awesome purpose for my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If I am not with my family after wasting 26 years in the military supporting a vile corrupt govt then I dont care what has planned...if I am not with my family then nothing else matters

Link to post
Share on other sites

we're not getting back together...12yr old didnt even think to call me last two days...wife completely ignoring me and obviously GOD is not answering my prayers...this is just going to be a long drawn out disaster...I could have had a good life with someone else

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...