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I have no idea what day this is, and I haven't read the thread yet. I will go back and read after I post.

 

My husband and I have been with J&K since September, and our intensive was in October. We were separated for a month in February and March, and he's now been home a month. My husband has not been doing 20 HSKC, he has not planned a date several months in advance.

 

The two dates he planned after coming home, was to watch a movie, two weeks in a row. No snacks, nothing. Then I suggested that we could do other things besides movies. He came up with the idea of having a picnic out on our trampoline, and he said he would pack the lunch and make sandwiches and snacks. When the day rolled around, he had not bought or prepared anything. He then tried to pretend that nothing had happened and offered to make me a salad with ingredients we didn't even have.

 

The next date he planned was for us to make cookies together. He didn't bother to check for the ingredients himself, and when I realized he was putting me back in the mommy role, I said no.

 

So that's my update this far!

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Day 53, Tuesday: I don't remember anything particular about this day.

 

Day 54, Wednesday: Passion had to go help #4 son with his truck after he got off work. He really put some good father time in for son getting his truck operable so it could be driven (limped) home from son's place of employment, where it had been sitting since Monday, and it would get final repairs on the weekend. Passion was having to do all of this work outside in the rain. It was a very late night for him as, after the repair job, he followed son home. Then son went back with him to get my van which son was using while his truck was down. Then Passion drove to the work house where our youngest two and I were. He got in after midnight.

 

Day 55, Thursday: This day was apparently uneventful as I don't recall anything outstanding.

 

Day 56, Friday: Passion and I went to visit our sil arriving at her place around 8:30pm.

 

Day 57, Saturday: Passion did a good deal of work for sil at her new to her house which she had moved into in February. Sil was "singing his praises" left and right because of all he was doing for her. Me??? Was I there? With the exception of a few HSKCs, I felt like the fifth wheel and wondered why I went on the trip. Ooooops!!!! I did enjoy the visit with her. It reminded me of when we helped her move the last time and helped do some repairs. The difference....I was Passion's helper that time as we worked side-by-side. What happened?

 

We talked about it on our way home, and he apologized.

 

Day 58, Sunday: Passion finished repair work on son's truck. Afterward, he and I made a quick shopping trip. Upon getting back home, he noticed that son's truck had a flat tire. He had to wait for son to get home from work with a tire repair kit to fix the tire. It was another very late night.

 

Day 59, Monday:  It was a good evening.

 

Day 60, Tuesday: We started our ballroom dance class. It was fun. He even said he had a good time. This will be our already scheduled date for the next 10 weeks. This night we stopped for a frosty afterwards.

 

Day 61, Wednesday: This day started out good, but then we clashed in the afternoon.

 

Day 62, Thursday: Still not in the best of places but hopeful for a turnaround for the evening. The plan: supper, DVD, and whatever we chose. The children had gone home, and it was just the two of us. Supper and the DVD were good. He had stopped at the store on his way from work and gotten some very good ice cream bars for us to enjoy with the DVD. It was going to be a good night... Then it went bad.

 

Day 63, Friday: I made it through the day....home at last. Passion brought me two beautiful red roses. That helped.

 

Day 64, Saturday: We had our own projects going on. He and youngest son went to a church work day. Youngest daughter and I pulled boxes of pictures out to find pics for oldest daughter.

 

That has been an interesting task....finding pics of me from 32 years ago. Life has certainly taken its toll on me. He very sweetly said that I am more beautiful now. Well, it sounds good anyway. And he gets lots of smiley faces for saying that.

 

We were on the couples' call. I told about a revelation that God had given me on Friday concerning the excuses given instead of or along with an apology. Kathy talked about that, and I thought brought understanding.

 

We watched a short movie. We had a good night.

 

Day 65, Sunday: I have brought up last night's call several times. I expected Passion to "do something" about the revelation I had talked about. So far I have not gotten anything.

 

HSKCs have been okay. Some days better than others.

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Riversedge has really stepped it up! I've been getting more HSKC since Saturday's phone call.

 

On Sunday, we had a lovely family date. He had planned for the two of us alone to have a fire and roast marshmallows and make s'mores. But then the kids built a fire pit, and we turned it into a family affair. It was a sweet time. He even ordered gluten free graham crackers for us, and when it didn't look like they were coming in time, drove 40 minutes to go buy some!

 

Monday night, he planned for us to look up family history on Ancestry.com and have some yummy double chocolate cookies. This shows that he was thinking about me as a person, and what I like! I had fun doing it with him.

 

Today, he got up early and went with me to babysit my niece while my sister went to the doctor. It was his only day to sleep in, but he said he wanted to be with me. No complaining, just manning up!

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We had a good day yesterday they had gotten tied up in getting to work house so I took the opportunity to work over some and still got here before them.  I warmed up supper and had everything about ready when they got here. I helped her with some of the clean up and we had a very good evening last night that was the topic of or drive on the way home tonight.

 

Tonight was our 2nd dance class I was on the phone when we left so she dove,,,,,,,,,,,,, and i missed the chance to bless here by driving.  I did drive on the way home though.  We had some good conversation on the drives. I was doing good on the 20's early in the day but missed a lot of opportunities tonight to get more in.  I fixed here popcorn tonight one of her favorite snacks.  I will work on more 20's tonght....   She still has here pretty roses in front of her computer. 

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Day 65, Sunday, completion: Maybe we have finally gotten somewhere? We had a good conversation after getting to bed. I finally had to tell him that I needed an apology for all of the continued barrage of excuses that he feeds me. He apologized.

 

Day 66, Monday: As Passion stated, the kids and I were considerably later than intended on getting to our work house. It was such a blessing to be able to call Passion, and have him get supper heating. It was also great that we had planned leftovers in the fridge for Monday's supper. We had time to get the car unloaded and get the table set, and everything was ready.

 

There were a few HSKCs before he left for work and many more when we finally arrived at the house. We had several playful texts back and forth throughout the day.

 

It was a very good night.

 

Day 67, Tuesday: Several HSKCs were delivered to me before and after work as well as through a text during the day. I was really looking forward to our dance class. 

 

The outing started out on the wrong foot (definitely not a good idea for dance!). Passion already mentioned this above. I was expecting him to drive. He made a phone call right before we left so was still on the phone. I drove. He talked on the phone. By the time he got off the phone, I was already seething in cortisol.

 

He asked if he had asked about my day. No. So he did. I was talking, and as is his disturbing to me habit, he saw something that he had to talk about.....as if I wasn't saying anything at all. Now I'm drowning in cortisol.

 

After he finished talking, there was silence. He finally asked if there was something wrong. More silence. He finally apologized for interrupting me....and I never had to say a word about what he had done. He thought about it. Came up with the issue on his own....and apologized without any excuses.

 

Class was fun. He drove on the way home. We talked about the previous night. He made popcorn after we got to the house.

 

I am hopeful that we have turned a corner and are headed back in the right direction now.

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1Love  mentioned the playful text from Monday this week, she had a  trying experience picking up some meds for me so I am still waiting to find out the full extent of what I owe here.  I am expecting it to be fun paying my dues to her.

 

We had a good day today not as many 20s this morning before leaving for work but it was a good morning.  I worked over on a special project that needs to be finished by Friday only i will only be there tomorrow morning before I take off for surgery.  She took the kids to youth tonight along and had an uncooperative phone that left her in a frustrating situation trying to find a gas station so i am looking forward to when she gets home to make here evening as pleasant as possible.  

 

I still need some major reform in my listening and not interrupting in addition to my excuses, although I have some good concepts on the excuses and with my surgery I will have time to meditate on those problems.  My goal is a happy wife. 

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Riversedge took two days off last week to be a man baby, but he's put that behind him. I'm getting lots of HSKC, although the compliments and communication need some work.

 

Our date this week was thoughtful. He got us some sparkling juice and dessert, and ordered a Jim Croce concert DVD. He has no interest in that kind of thing, so he was really thinking outwardly. I can see he's trying, and even having fun doing it.

 

He's been getting things done that I've asked for help with, and that's healing. He's manning up, which is strange and lovely for me.

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This has been a long week with my nose surgery the 20's were pretty difficult especially for the first day or 2 but we have had some times to snuggle this week.  She had been more than kind and understanding as I told her I am a wimp when it comes to surgery and dealing with the pain and discomforts.  

 

We have enjoyed the ballroom dance classes each week and it allows us some good talk time both ways.  1Love shared with me that our doing this together is making her smile inside which is something she needs a lot more of.

 

She will have a busy Saturday going to Chicago area for a shower that will take up most of the day so we have a date this Sunday evening at our favorite pizza place.

 

I have been working on more hskc's as I recover from my nose surgery had a good night last night snuggling with my beautiful wife.  

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Days 68-75, Wednesday-Wednesday: Well, this has been a very different week. HSKCs have been in fairly good form depending on the day. Last Thursday Passion had out-patient surgery, so he was understandably a little low on them for Thursday and Friday.

 

I decided that he maybe needed to have some kind of procedure done every week after he pointed out how much he got done around home on Saturday and Sunday while he was supposed to be taking it easy.

 

The biggest thing, I think, was getting the air conditioner working in my car. THANK YOU!!!!!!

 

Dance class was a lot of fun. Another gentleman there mentioned my beautiful smile. I was telling Passion about it on the way home. I said that when the guy had said that I noticed that it was radiating from my very core....and all because Passion and I are going to these classes together. I will acknowledge that it is not something that Passion would have picked out for us to do, but he has been very congenial to do this with me and is even having fun!

 

He just came and asked me a bit ago about a date Sunday night. That's cool because I had said with the dance classes that he had our dates scheduled for the next 11 weeks as the class goes that long. So I get another date! Yes! I love it!

 

We're in count down time for our trip....leaving in ten days!

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Kathy, sorry for the scare on our trip date. This trip is our train trip to New Orleans for our anniversary.

 

Our reunion is in July. I'm looking forward to worshiping with y'all in your Sunday service.

 

Day 76, Thursday: It's been a long, busy day today. HSKCs helping me to get through it all. I needed to go order next year's school books this morning and do some shopping. I got back to the house about half an hour before needing to leave to get Passion at work and go to his doctor appointment....then a little more shopping.

 

We took the time to get shakes and sit in the parking lot before going into Wal-Mart. It was nice to "stop and smell the roses" (ok, "stop and enjoy the shakes") in our running here and there. I'm glad he suggested it!

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Days 77-83, Friday - Thursday: The highlight in this time would have to be Sunday.

 

I was gone most of Saturday to a bridal shower. Physically speaking, I was not doing well due to a very painful right knee. Passion helped me get around and out the door. We did have some issues in the process but were able to get that taken care of on Sunday.

 

On Sunday, we had a potluck dinner at church. Passion fixed most of the food for us to take to that; I did very little. That was a BIG help for me.

 

Due to an upcoming schedule conflict on Tuesday, we attended the Sunday night dance class. Here's the bad for Passion: he forgot about the date he had scheduled with me on Wednesday night for Sunday night. It made for an interesting trip to dance class. After class, we did our date night plan, just in a different city than planned.

 

We talked about some hurts. He was much less defensive than what he has been being lately.

 

A couple of times he has even figured out on his own when he has done something and what he has done that has hurt me.

 

Internet has not been cooperating with us this week to finalize our trip details. Hopefully tonight those details will all be taken care of. We leave late Saturday night!

 

HSKCs are going well. Texts and/or calls during the day are dependent on his work, but I usually get at least one or two throughout the day.

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I think we will just bow out of the game. Riversedge is intent on being abusive every day, and he's not even doing the basics. He argues and denies everything I say. He's busy protecting himself, and I am in a lot of pain. I think the game was a great idea, but apparently nothing can induce Riversedge to live this life.

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Days 84-94, Friday-Monday week: All I can say is that we had a great vacation to New Orleans. Yes, there were some iffy things that came up, but we dealt with them. Most of our problems were from external sources, and we chose to band together through them rather than allow ourselves to be drawn apart.

 

HSKCs were a constant. We left late Saturday night on the train, and arrived back to our starting train station early the following Saturday morning. Passion took me out for breakfast, and we did a little bit of shopping and visiting in town before going home. We arrived home late morning.

 

The evening was great with the kids.

 

Mother's Day was fantastic...only missing our son that is at Bible college in Pennsylvania, and he should be home next Sunday night for the summer.

 

Today has been good for the most part except for a family issue that I will discuss with Passion this evening on our anniversary dinner date. It is now officially 35 years.

 

This morning he called on his drive to work and said he wished the last 35 years did not have all the problems in them, but he cannot change the past. And he plans on the next 35 years to be much better than the last.

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