It was before it ever had a chance to get started

[Betty Boop]

I feel as if I married a wolf in sheep clothing. He set the trap and I took the bait! Soon after being married to the wolf there were little cracks starting to appear. I dismissed them as “well no one is perfect”, or “ok Betty, let’s not start picking apart at the man, some men just want things a certain way and I need to learn to bend”. (We married, at his pushing, 9 weeks after we met. Then about 2 months after marrying wolf, we had a big argument and he got so angry at me for talking back to him, he ran towards me, put his big hands on both sides of my face and backed me up against the kitchen sink and squeezed my face. He was very angry with me and his face was right in mine. That was the first incident of physical abuse and him saying maybe we should get an annulment. I don’t know if that was the first time I left for a day or 2 or not. But I do remember it being January 2019 we got into an argument and I slept in my car 1 night in a Walmart parking lot, and then I slept at a friends house that I recently made friends with. Sometimes after he physically abused me (there were head butts from him, but no openhanded slaps or punches) he would apologize or buy me flowers accompanied with a note or card sometimes. And the things would go back to normal - his normal. 
I remember feeling so embarrassed, because I came from a previous very physically abusive marriage, how on earth could I let this happen, again?! Only 1 person knew of what I was dealing with and it was shrugged over for me to pray specifically for him, to look at what I am doing to trigger these outbursts. I should have called the police on him then! The first time! But I didn’t. In fact I never called the police on him, well 1 time I did, but that’s another story. 

[JoelandKathy]

Welcome to the forum!  Great introduction post. 

Keep growing!  In your situation, our hope is to see you

1. Keep up the progress of getting balanced in yourself. 

2. Keep developing your live affair with Jesus. 

3. No dating or private interaction with men. No going out with male "friends."  (Out of the pot and into the fire.)

For those looking on. Betty Boop is this man's 4th victim. (Aka: wife).  Like ALL men, he could change into a great, Godly man. He chose not to take that route.  We challenged him that as a 4 time failure, it would be a HUGE miracle if he would do this. 

 

We told him that 4th marriages have an 80% divorce rate.  He decided that he is smarter than anyone and if course, seeks out people to validate his self delusion. 

Our hope is not, at this point, for repentance.  His self delusion is overwhelming and blinds him, seemingly 100%.  Let's support BB in a new beginning to a new life.  

[MaryJane]

Hello Betty Boop,

 

I’m glad you found your way to this ministry!  It has certainly been a blessing to me.  I’m curious, how did you discover Joel and Kathy?

[Betty Boop]

Thanks Joel and Kathy. The 1 time I called the police was last year, I believe. Wolf and I were not having a good night, typical snotty remarks, talking over me. I now learned I was playing into his hand by engaging with him, but I also was not about to listen to his rants about his health, or negative comments to me about me, his nasty names he would call me. Suddenly he went into another room and got his gun. As I was sitting on the couch and him sitting in the chair next to the couch, he started to mess around with his gun. I don’t remember if he was cleaning it at that time. But things were getting worse and I left and went to a friends house. Then I received a text message from wolf that sounded like he was going to commit suicide. This is where it’s gets strange. I honestly didn’t know who to call… can you imagine that? I thought, “ well if I call the cops & it’s nothing, wolf will get extremely angry at me, and if I don’t call the cops, what if he really did do something and I’m the prime suspect in a murder. Yes!! Honestly I for sure thought this! That’s how gaslighted I was. My friend offered to come with me, but I didn’t think that was a good idea, bc wolf doesn’t like her. So I called wolf’s brother (a.k.a hyena who is very well known EMT in my county and he knows law enforcement and fire too). I asked hyena to meet me at the corner so we both could walk in at the same time. I videoed when I was pulling into the driveway with hyena in his own car. I videoed the whole thing in case I was implicated in a murder.  Crazy right! Both hyena and I entered the house, and wolf was a bit upset that his brother came right in, then calmed down a bit when he saw me, then he got curious and then got mad again. He was yelling and screaming placing the blame of the argument on me. How he was not going to commit suicide and basically didn’t even want to acknowledge that text to me. Instead he shifted and started to yell how he was done with God, how he’s going back into the world. I’m still videoing this at this point. Both hyena and I were trying to talk him down and how God loves him and how he’s supposed to be this evangelist for the Lord etc… then he shifted again yelling at me and screaming at me how he’s going to contact the club (hells angels and ghost riders a.k.a. 1%’ers) and have them locate my ex (a.k.a. Snake) and have them bring snake up here so snake could beat me up and finish the job he didn’t in TN and kill me. At this point he noticed I had my camera going, and he flipped. He came at me and I turned and crouched over and screamed to get off of me as he was over me trying to get my phone. All his brother did was step aside as wolf ran past him and at me. Then he changed his tune and his brother joined in by saying it was against the law to video someone without their permission. Not willing to delete it at this point & video still going, bc now I have proof of his threats and physical violence, which neither of them liked. Then wolf said something about divorce and he said something about calling the cops. Then he went into the bedroom and pretended to call the cops making it sound like I was the perp and the attacker. So I dialed the cops myself to report a domestic dispute. When I did, the video stopped, of course. Then wolf came out of the bedroom and said “ah ha I tricked you and you fell for it” & laughed. In the time it took the cops to get there wolf and hyena worked on me both saying it illegal to video someone and convinced me that if I don’t delete that video by the time the cops arrive that wolf will divorce me and I will go to jail. So I deleted the video. The cops got there and I was trying to tell my side of the story as to how this whole thing got started by a text message. The cops did agree that the text message did sound like a suicide threat and also wolf did say he did have his gun out but he was just cleaning his gun. End of that night, I was the one who left, bc wolf has a sleep apnea machine and all his medications there and it was easier if I left. Can you imagine that! I agreed to it because I was beginning to see the writing on the wall that they were siding with wolf. Wolf never mentioned anything he said about having my ex coming up there to kill me and instead easily manipulated the conversation to how he was a marine, and people he knows, and the cops were all listening to him saying oh yeah I know this guy and that guy, like they’re old buddies….. and bc hyena was there of whom they know very well too. 

[Betty Boop]

At MaryJane, I met Joel and Kathy through joygerm who was counseling both wolf and I, but not as a marital thing but she did see us on occasion when things get really bad. Joel and Kathy came to NY to do a mini intensive at a church we all attended.

Edited September 14, 2022 by Betty Boop

[MaryJane]

Aha, I see.  So, I presume you have read their books and are on their calls?  
 

Wolf doesn’t sound like husband material right now!  Are you interested in saving the marriage?

[Betty Boop]

Maryjane I read their books but not all the way through, I read them with wolf for a short bit until he got tired of reading it. I watched the videos we got from joygerm and we also watched them together at some parts too, until he got tired of hearing how he was the problem. 
Regarding saving my marriage, I was always interested in saving our marriage. I am still now but only if he will apply himself and he doesn’t want to do that. He says I’m the sole issue in this marriage, he does nothing wrong, and even denies any physical, verbal, & mental abuse, & denies ever saying he had an online emotional affair despite him saying this in front of 2 witnesses. I left the home on 8/3/22 because I did not feel safe. Since then he has retained an attorney, and has said 3 times to me thus far (most recently today) I should be receiving paperwork any day now from his attorney. But I haven’t yet. Also I cannot afford an attorney for a contested divorce. He said at the beginning when I left he wanted an uncontested divorce, but have yet to sit down and discuss division of property, no kids involved, so it’s just dividing up furniture and stuff. We both are on the mortgage so he will either have to agree to my terms of the house or we will sell it. He has already packed up (what he deemed to be) my stuff, which is illegal for him to do. I have only responded to very few of his text messages, which are mostly nasty and filled with accusations. He’s arrested in his development, a narcissist, and he gaslights me constantly. 

[KathyandJoel]

It would be healthy for you to finish reading our books  Betty Boop.   

[MaryJane]

Oh yes, Betty Boop.  Please read those books on your own.  Digest them!  I sure agree with Kathy about that!  

Also, do you have a good handle on what your legal rights really are?  I found a 15 minute appointment with a “family” lawyer was very helpful.  I felt stronger knowing my legal rights.   I learned that in our area, the spouse who files first kind of has the upper hand.

Even though your husband apparently filed first, you surely have rights you can exercise, even without an attorney.  But I say, even if you feel like you know what the law is, a 15 minute appointment should be affordable enough and you might learn something new and valuable.

All the best!

 

[Betty Boop]

The books are at the house. I’m afraid to go there by myself and then have to carry around the video with me while packing up some things. I can bring the cops which is fine but I’m still going to video it and the cops aren’t going to help me pack either. Wolf already stated he packed up my stuff and wants it out of the house. So I would t even know where to begin with looking for those books. I’m not making excuses but since about May I stopped reading the books. I don’t see how it’s healthy for me to read them if I’m not married? If I have a husband who’s working against the marriage. What’s the benefit?

[Betty Boop]

@MaryJane as like many if not all states, NY is a no fault state. Meaning you can divorce someone for any reason. It doesn’t matter who filed first. Not everyone knows the whole story. It doesn’t make one person look any better than the other because they filed first. In my case I would have filed first but I don’t have enough money for an attorney. My only option is to file for divorce in the courts and represent myself or I can wait till I’m served papers and then still represent myself. 
Right now it looks as if Jon has the upper hand, bc he’s still in the house and I am not. 
Today is not a good day. It appears people are moving away from me. People not calling me to check on me, people who at first were there for me now don’t even respond to my text messages or they say they are in the middle of something and don’t get back to me. Not all people, bc I have just a few people in my life that now I totally trust. I see people responding to Wolfs fb posts and not responding to mine. I see fb posts wolf where he names people and thanked them for this and that, people who have helped him with this and that. These same people once they got the scoop from me now no longer talk to me. These are people I know from church! So a while back I made a post about choosing sides and unfortunately people do. They say they don’t but they do. Some the people that posted on there no longer reach out to me. It is very hurtful. I don’t know if God is just removing these people from my life bc He knows they are not good for me and are gossipers? But I have deleted some people, mutual friends, fro my fb page, they have my # and they can contact me. Just very hurt right now bc it appears people are rallying around wolf, following him, believing him, and not me. I feel so very alone, I hardly talk to anyone. That’s bc I gave up trying to reach out with no response. 

[KathyandJoel]

3 hours ago, Betty Boop said:

The books are at the house. I’m afraid to go there by myself and then have to carry around the video with me while packing up some things. I can bring the cops which is fine but I’m still going to video it and the cops aren’t going to help me pack either. Wolf already stated he packed up my stuff and wants it out of the house. So I would t even know where to begin with looking for those books. I’m not making excuses but since about May I stopped reading the books. I don’t see how it’s healthy for me to read them if I’m not married? If I have a husband who’s working against the marriage. What’s the benefit?

It is for you to learn and grow.   You can order another set of books.  If there is no value to you reading the books then there would be no value in you listening in on phone calls and no value on you posting in the forum.   We have welcomed you into our life ongoing with the assumption that you were wanting to learn and grow and be healed to have a better future. That is why you want to read the books.    If you are just hanging out on phone calls and here, then there is no value in that. 

 

[Betty Boop]

I didn’t understand the value of reading the books because I thought it was for married couples not for everyone. So thanks for letting me know.
I understand what you are saying & get it. Thanks. 

[Betty Boop]

My personal message to Kathy and Joel. 
Thank you Kathy for your feedback. Much appreciated. I actually learned a lot about myself and wolf on the phone calls and from what I read of the books. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted the importance of the books and videos. I promise you I'm not just hanging out to vent. I am growing. I will obtain the books. 

[KathyandJoel]

Thank you 🙂and I know this is personal but would you put on the forum. 
This brought tears to my eyes.  We love what we do.  
Now, your about to grow even more.  

[MaryJane]

I agree about the books.  They are a valuable resource for any adult, really.  Those who are married, single, widowed, divorced, or divor-cing are all the better for understanding how marriage should be, in Christ

 

You even get a better handle on divorce itself!

All the best!

[Betty Boop]

14 hours ago, MaryJane said:

I agree about the books.  They are a valuable resource for any adult, really.  Those who are married, single, widowed, divorced, or divor-cing are all the better for understanding how marriage should be, in Christ

 

You even get a better handle on divorce itself!

All the best!

Thank you both for the re-direct and encouragement. My mind certainly was not on getting remarried or even date, and I closed that door, but Whatever Gods will is, either to be in a Godly marriage or to remain single, will be well with me. It even helps just with relationships with people in general. 

[MaryJane]

That’s true!  What Joel and Kathy teach about marriage is helpful in every area of life.  Marriage in general affects every area of life, I say. 

No matter what our own marital status is when we KNOW the truth we can then “spread it around” to others, either by word or example! 
 

Christian marriage is meant to be a sample of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, The Church.  😊

 

[Betty Boop]

Let me apologize in advance for the long post.
Last night was very upsetting for me. The weather is turning cooler and all my warmer clothing is at the house. I have been thinking I need to go there and get warmer clothing instead of just buying new. Finally last night I made the decision to go. I contacted the police for an escort to keep the peace like I did the last time. This time was different though. The officer said he would meet me at the house and have a chat with wolf to just advise him I was there to pick up some warmer clothing. Which I thought was strange bc the last time the police escorted me and we just showed up. Wolf didn’t have any warning except a few minutes prior to, to let him know I was coming. (I remember a conversation I had with wolfs attorney the beginning part of August. He said to me can you at least give wolf prior notice of when you’re coming to help him out. Ha ha really? So I agreed but never gave into wolfs demands of wanting a 24 hour notice.) …… keep in mind I videoed all of last night; so last night when I got to the house wolf was not there. The cop kept saying he would feel better if at least wolf knew I was there. He asked me a few times where wolf was, I let him know repeatedly, I don’t know maybe at the church? I explained to the cop I don’t need wolfs permission to go into my own house as I am part owner. Still the cop was not allowing me to go in. He asked me to call wolf and he would let wolf know we were the to pick up a few things. I did. When wolf answered the cop stated to him we were there to pick up a few items of clothing. Wolf was extremely upset and said he was 15 minutes away. The cop had ASKED wolf if it was ok for us to go in, and he said absolutely not, she doesn’t have a key, and she’s supposed to give me 24 hours notice of her intent to go there. The cop got off the phone and would not allow me to go in. So during the wait I decided to try my key in the front door. He changed the locks! Again illegal for him to do so.  My key wouldn’t work. As wolf pulled up and let us in, I started to grab some things. Wolf said all my stuff was packed in boxes. I didn’t know where to begin. I took pictures and videos of all my stuff, living room furniture, dining room set disassembled, and boxes. During this time wolf said things like she’s videoing this and intimidating me, when are you coming to get the rest of your stuff bc I’m about to do some major renovating on the house, I have no hot water, I’m making payments to my attorney for divorce, my attorney has been trying to send you papers but we not know where you are, you abandoned me 3 months ago…. Etc… the cop repeatedly let wolf know it’s perfectly legal to take videos and he himself was videoing this whole thing, i let wolf know I Abe only been gone about a month and a half, and finally I said to wolf this is not the time to be having these types of discussions bc I’m just there to get one items. Even the cop agreed with me and let wolf know this. When I was done, the cop helped me to my car, but then I forgot something. I forgot my motorcycle helmet. When I was there the last time, wolf let me know my helmet was in the spare room, which I did see it there but forgot to grab it. So when we went back in, I asked wolf where my helmet was, and he said it was in the bike saddle bags and the bike was at the shop in Macedon. So I left. Well I thought I had put wolfs # back on block after the cop called him, but I didn’t . At 9:11 last night wolf sent me this text message: “I think it's ironic that you're worried about your motorcycle helmet and you don't have a motorcycle.  who's the guy lease (he meant to say lees, which is what he would call me and I love when he spoke my name) don't worry I have you being watched too yes you are being watched I don't want to play games with you I just want a divorce and you can go on your way I will take care of the house to the best of my ability.”

I had so much anxiety going over there last night. I found out a couple of days prior he posted on FB how his surgery went well, and posted pics of things people sent him (from women). I have anxiety now still. I can’t afford an attorney through legal aide bc I make too much money, I get a discount through legal shield to get an attorney but don’t have enough money to obtain an attorney and try to still find an apartment. Quite frankly I don’t know what I should do first? I’m really struggling here. I am always careful to make sure no one is behind me or following me to where I am at. I’m so sick and tired of looking over my shoulder, wondering if someone is following me, if today is the day I get served, then I’ll have to do something for legal representation, which is nothing. I’m struggling at work bc there are things I need to take care of but bc I’m so busy at work I don’t have much time till the evenings and by that time no one is open. And I’m trying to keep it together and smile but I know my interaction with some people at work is not the best. Not following how Christ wants me to respond. I see familiarities between wolf and some co-workers which puts me on edge. I keep pressing into God and asking what do you want me to do? What should I do first? I’m afraid to get a storage unit to move my stuff in there bc, we haven’t even sat down or communicated the division of property. And judging by last night, there’s going to be a fight, wolf already deemed what he wants and even tried to stop me from looking in cabinets to grab a few things. When I did look he only removed some items that he didn’t want, telling me that’s his stuff. I try everyday to stay in the word, read something, looking for some direction of what God wants me to do. 

[KathyandJoel]

First, call your atty and let them know he changed the lock.  Ilegal.  

Two:  HIS atty wanted you to give 24 hours notice but it's not required.  You own 1/2 the house.  

Three:  See if atty will write a letter to his atty requiring him to give you a key. They may write it.  If they've written a letter before, this letter may cost.  

Remember:  

 Every time you call the primary law firm just tell the secretary you need to talk your situation over with an attorney and find out your rights.

 

[KathyandJoel]

And thank you Mary Jane for your replies.  

We are working on getting back into the habit of the forum. Just getting back on our feet after being under the weather.  

Driving to Alabama right now for the Jewish New Year, in Warrior, Alabama being held at Church International.  

The speakers are Robin and Robin Bullock, Hank Kunneman, Timothy Dixon, Mylon Lefevre, Nancy Alcorn and Kent Christmas.  

 

 

[MaryJane]

Wow, Kathy, those meetings will sure be exciting and VERY uplifting!

 

Betty Boop, how are you doing tonight?  May the Lord help you to be strong and wise as you navigate this season you’re in.

[KathyandJoel]

Hi there Mary Jane and Betty Boop.  

The meeting are awesome.  You can watch them on YouTube.  

This is where I wanted to be for  my birthday week.  Here for the grand opening.  Resting and getting rejuvenated.  Re-fired up!  Ready to see God move even more. 

[Betty Boop]

Hi all, although under the weather at the moment, I am doing better than last week. Thanks for asking.  Joygerm had made mention to me that Wolfe saw a new picture of me (somewhere, maybe FB?) and said my hair is my idol that I have placed before God. I said his idol is his ailments, disabilities, and pill popping.
I don’t claim to have it all together, and God is still working on my heart as I seek Him. I can’t say for sure if I have any idols before God, and I surely hope I don’t, but at least I am open for God to show me my heart and prune off the dead parts that are not allowing me to grow.

I am not pointing fingers, and I am not saying I am better than anyone else, I can assure you I’m not, but I would not take hardly anything that wolf has to say about me and what he perceives to be wrong with me, as gospel truth. I would rather hear from God, and some close spirit filled and mature Christian’s as to what they see rather than wolfs delusions. 

Regarding Joel & Kathy’s response about my visit last week to the house: 

1) I don’t have an attorney, can’t afford one. 
2) current legal counsel is from legal shield and 1 other person who is an attorney in another field but used to be in family law arena. Legal shield is aware of everything that is going on. 
3) Wolfs desire is to give him 24 hour notice, no one agreed to this. I certainly didn’t and his attorney made no mention of this during our 1 and only conversation in early August. His attorney had “asked” if I can give wolf advance notice to help wolf out (he did not specify a time frame). 
4) Yes, I am acutely aware wolf is not allowed to change the locks without giving me a key. 
5) what was so mind boggling was the cop saying:  a) he will meet me there at the house, b) he wanted to speak with wolf first to advise of me coming there, c) asking wolfs permission to go into the house, d) cop would not allow me to enter into the home until wolf was there, e) he didn’t know the situation and he didn’t want me to take property that wasn’t mine. 
Clearly, #5 was the most startling, I felt as if I was doing something wrong, which gave me anxiety, the thought of wolf needing to be there gave me anxiety, wolf making certain comments to me which gave me anxiety, wolf saying to the cop “you got all night, right”; which was followed by the cop saying to me “are you about ready to wrap this up?” It was the whole cop interaction and his demeanor. Wolfs attitude as well. In a small town like this where everyone knows everyone, and wolfs brother, hyena, being a well known EMT in the area and works closely with PD & FD (and has a scanner on him to track all activity), clearly shows me who’s working for who, or who is on who’s side. 

Edited September 30, 2022 by Betty Boop

[MaryJane]

Since Wolf appears to be so “in” with the PD, it seems to me that to have an attorney on speed dial would certainly be a benefit to you.  Are you able to call a Legal Shield attorney often?  I think I would depend on them quite a bit at this stage.

 

This is one time when you need to be “wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.”

 

My best to you, Betty Boop.  May God give you a clear cut revelation of what exactly is going on in your life just now, spiritually speaking.  🌿