Jump to content
God Save My Marriage

Need advice to win back wife who has left for another man

Recommended Posts

I am so sorry you were all alone on the family visit day. May Father surround you, protect your life, strengthen your mind and refresh your soul in Jesus mighty name.


God bless you so much brother. Lord we also thank you that you have not stopped working in Margie's life and circumstances.


Best regards


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 215
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Hey Taz, my friend, when you have a second, could you post to this guy? http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/viewtopic.php?p=79983#79983


He's in Afghanistan with the military and fairly new with us . . . thought he might appreciate talking with you.


Hope things are going well . . . we all miss you at church!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

One more week to go on my pre-deployment training and then I'll be home for a couple of weeks before heading to the actual mobilization station to do the final preparations for the year long deployment.


Doing very well now. Joined a divorce recovery group (DivorceCare) at a local church before I left and have been getting daily emails that help you deal with the feelings and issues that arise due to a spouse leaving. It was great to find a biblically based program locally. I was able to attend a few of the classes before I left and I took the book (and the audio CD of all the sessions) with me. This material along with what I have learned from J&K and others here has been great in helping me to stay rooted and grounded in the Lord.


I still pray for Margie while at the same time I move forward with my life and continue on the journey to become the man God wants me to be. All I know from God's word is that He has everything under control and all I need to do is confidently expect Him to bless me and provide everything I need according to His word.


Thanks again for all your continued prayers.

Link to post
Share on other sites



Just wanted to thank you for your service and commitment to our country.

As a former PJ, i admire your dedication to the cause of freedom and pray for your safety and peace in your heart.


Good to hear of your support group,

Doing very well now. Joined a divorce recovery group (DivorceCare) at a local church before I left and have been getting daily emails that help you deal with the feelings and issues that arise due to a spouse leaving. It was great to find a biblically based program locally. I was able to attend a few of the classes before I left and I took the book (and the audio CD of all the sessions) with me.


Staying grounded in the Lord and walking in His will are our primary missions as men on the mend...Becoming Christlike is no small order, but we are called, and He who called us is faithful to equip us to succeed. In Him we move, in Him we live, and in Him we have our being.


i've been following your thread for quite a while and since the Trojan Virus hit the site,not many folks are writing...i've not had an issue with the virus so i thought i was on my own little island for a spell...but knowing your training/travel situation, i wanted to make sure to offer a response to your post and let you know that you are appreciated and missed.


Go in God's protection and share His Love...you are in an awesome position to mentor and guide many young men into the Kingdom.


Strength and Honor,



Link to post
Share on other sites



I'm so sorry that your divorce became final recently AND that you've gotten a report from M that things are not going well in her marriage. I know that part of your heart just wants to see her happy after all both of you have been through. Unfortunately, this is the road she has chosen, and she's going to have to go through the discomfort and the trials that will hopefully bring her back to God and in the end, back to you.


There is always hope in God!


Doing very well now. Joined a divorce recovery group (DivorceCare) at a local church before I left and have been getting daily emails that help you deal with the feelings and issues that arise due to a spouse leaving. It was great to find a biblically based program locally. I was able to attend a few of the classes before I left and I took the book (and the audio CD of all the sessions) with me. This material along with what I have learned from J&K and others here has been great in helping me to stay rooted and grounded in the Lord


I did divorce care after my first divorce and it was great. They do encourage reconciliation if at all possible, while also encouraging the participants to avoid ANY interaction with the opposite sex for two years. They also discourage any bonding between people of the opposite sex within the class.


I found it to be a great program. And very sound advice financially, and for the children, etc.


I hope that you are able to find other christian men to bond with there. I can imagine that it would be difficult to be christlike among the military men...but I know that God will provide for you.


Take Care,


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the encouragement, I know that I am on the right track. I know that if I continue to filter everything I do through God's word, I'll be able to stay on course. We all need to make a decision on who we are going to follow and serve and I choose JESUS! He is the only one who has the answers to all our issues. It is just plain great to have Him to turn to in any and all situations. I'm glad that I am redeemed and I know that Jesus has many blessings in store for me!


I'm leaving Ft. Bragg in the morning to head back home for a few weeks and finish up the last minute items that need to be done prior to my departure for a year. I hope to be able to be on the forum more often while I am home.


Again, thanks for the encouragement!

Link to post
Share on other sites



Thank you so much for the update. I hope you know you are dear to our hearts here. You have brought honor to our Lord for your passion and sincerity to love Christ and your (ex)wife.


I am not surprised her marriage is not doing well. I believe God in His unrelenting love for her will woo her heart again and bring her home where she belongs. In the meantime is that place of waiting upon the Lord and serving Him with undying devotion.


No one likes the "waiting room" yet in His wisdom the Lord knows it is necessary to prepare your heart for the greater works He has already prepared for you to walk in. You are in the Potter's hands and He Himself is forming you as a vessel of honor. A vessel that will carry His greatness and the riches of His grace for you and others.


I pray the freedom you fight for others may be the same freedom you experience in your own life to greater measures. I pray His anointing and impartation of releasing others from their captivity...healing them and bringing deliverance to many continues to bring you joy and awe of what God is doing in your life. You are His treasure.


Signs and wonders follow you in all of your believing!!



Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 9 months later...

It's been quite a while since I last posted so here is a brief update.


I have been deployed to Kuwait for 8 months now and even though I am away from family and friends, this has been a remarkable time of growth for me. I have been fortunate in that the chaplains here at the base chapel are Spirit filled men of God who speak the Word boldly and even have alter calls! They are striving to ensure that all who will listen hear of the amazing gift that God has for us all in His Son Jesus. It has truly been a blessing.


I have only heard once from Margie (freej)when she was looking for some money she thought she was entitled to. She has married Gordon and I have not heard anything further from her.


As for me, just prior to leaving for my deployment I met a wonderful Christian woman (Jane) at a going away function that was held in my honor. We spent a lot of time together before I left for Kuwait. During that time I gave her Joel and Kathy's first book and told her that if our relationship was going to move forward I needed her to read it and then wanted to discuss it with her.


She read it and when we talked about it I told her that the topics presented in the book laid the ground work for how I wanted our relationship to be and that I needed her to be an integral part of helping me to be the man God wants me to be and the husband that she deserves. She just looked at me and cried. She said the tears were from the joy she felt that someone wanted to love her and model that love for her based on Christ's love for the church. The only thing that puzzled her was why we were meeting just as I was leaving for a year.


Well, our God knows just what He is doing! After deploying, I spent most of my internet time using Skype to talk with Jane. For seven and a half months we talked, emailed, and wrote almost everyday. We were able to build a solid foundation for our relationship without having to dealing with its physical aspects which was great! During this time, Jane decided to transition from the church she was attending to Erie Christian Fellowship where I was attending. Since that time all of my friends and family have had nothing but good things to say about her. Pastors Jim and Pam Dumont and the forums own Looney Tunes have met her and are happy she and I have met.


I just returned to Kuwait from two weeks of R&R leave. I was able to spend a wonderful two weeks with Jane, my daughters and granddaughter, family, and friends. Needless to say the time went by way to fast as we packed in a lot of activities. Jane and I began finalizing plans for a September wedding after I return home. I only have a few more months here before I finish my deployment and during that time most of the plans will be completed.


All I can say is that God is good! Before I left for this deployment I had endured the process of recovering from my wife leaving, I was divorced, and I was so far in debt that I could not even see light at the end of the tunnel. God, through tactical and strategic placement, put people in my path that helped me to reach the other side. I remember praying sometime after the divorce was final that I would like to experience a marriage where I could honor my wife the way God had intended, little did I know how soon that prayer would be answered.


Today I can say that using the Dave Ramsey program, with the exception of my mortgage, I have no credit card debt! Where I thought it would be three or four years before digging out of debt, it was only one year. And during this one year time period, I was able to not only pay my tithe, I was able to give over and above to a spceial program at my church. When Jane and I marry we will not have to deal with the pressures of finances. She will have a man who loves and honors her, and i will have a woman who loves me and is truly my Bilblical helpmeet.


When I first came to this ministry I never envisioned that I would end up where I am now. But I can honestly say that I am glad that I took the advice of those that God put into my path.


I learned what I needed to do to be a Godly husband and I now have the opportunity to put all of that into practice. Jane knows that I expect her to hold my feet to the fire when I need it to keep me on the right path and I wholeheartedly embrace that!


I remember at the intensive that Margie and I attended, Kathy looked straight at Margie and in effect said, "Chet gets what we are teaching and has fully embraced it. He is on his way to becomming a great husband and you're about to walk away from him. One day you will wake up and see that he really is a great husband but when you do, he will be a great husband for another very happy wife."


Well, Margie has not woke up yet but I will be a great husband to Jane. I still pray that Margie's heart and mind with reopen to God and let His loving arms surround her and let His Spirit wash over her and heal every aspect of her life.


So, that's a quick synopsis of what has transpired in my live this past year. Looney Toons has been part of this journey and can add her comments as she sees fit. She has been a very good friend through my heartache and elation while working through her own challenges.


That's it for now.



Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Mrs.Clean



I am very happy for you and CONGRATULATIONS! Also very happy that another sister has found a Christlike man to love her.


I'm very sad for Margie, though...as I can imagine what kind of man she has signed on to.




For life, too.


I will pray for her...and for you and your new love. Blessings to you both! Any plans to get her to an intensive to start things off EXTRA well?




Also, don't let us catch you misbehaving in this marriage!


Take Care,


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
Also, don't let us catch you misbehaving in this marriage!


Don't worry, Julie - I'll be keeping an eye on him! :P


Jane is amazing - full of life and laughter. She is so much fun to be around, and I absolutely adore her. As if that weren't enough, she shares my coffee addiction. :D She is exactly what Chet needs. I am thrilled for both of them!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 7 months later...

Well, September 16th came and Jane and I were married! Everything from the pre-wedding preparations, the wedding and reception, and the 2 1/2 week Hawaiian honeymoon was wonderful! And now as we begin our married life together we are thoroughly enjoying ourselves.


When I met Jane I asked to to read Joel and Kathy's first book and told her that that is how I want our marriage to be, "outrageously happy". I can honestly say (and she would concur) that we are very happy and are taking the steps to ensure we stay on the right path to experience an "outrageously happy" marriage all the time. Jane knows that I expect her to take me to task if I waver in meeting her needs. I suspect that Looney_Tunes will also be keeping a sharp eye out to ensure that she has backup if required! :-)


There have been a few slip-ups, such as when Jane forgets to let me open the car door for her, help her with her coat, or do other things for her. We just laugh and move on as she continues to get used to being treated like the special Queen that she is. Right after we returned from our honeymoon, we sat down and went over all of our finances. We both have read Dave Ramsey's books and want to use his principles in our marriage. One of the first things I was able to do was help Jane pay off all her credit card debt. The look of relief on her face when we did that was priceless. She had never experienced that feeling of not having to worry about bills and being loved enough by someone who wanted to ensure she was well cared for. Seeing her face in that situation caused even more love for her well up within me and I am looking forward to many more opportunities to let her know how much I love her and how important she is to me. No matter what, we always talk and acknowledge how we feel knowing that it is OK and above all, she is safe.


I can tell all of you guys out there that are struggling, dying to yourself and taking care of your wife is the the best thing (other than accepting Christ as your Saviour) you will ever do! It draws you closer to the Lord and closer to your wife. And the blessings that come .... let's just say that they are GREAT! A wife's heart indeed blossoms and flourishes as her husband meets her needs the way that God has specified. And as a husband you get the satisfaction of knowing that the most important person in your life is alive and vibrant.


Jane and I had a covenent wedding where we both signed a document along with witnesses stating that we acknowledged the covenant of marriage that was made between God and us takes precedence over the marriage laws of the state. And we asked that all of our friends and family present always remember that our marriage will always be one of reconcilliation and that we expect their help should we ever need it. We have chosen some couples in our church as "mentors" who will watch over us and be the "go to" people should the need arise. And we have take steps to ensure that we have scheduleded time when we can reflect on the state of our marriage and make adjustments as necessary. We are not naive enough to believe that we will avoid every bump in the road that every couple will encounter and we are taking steps now to prepare for how to handle them when they do come.


This ministry has been a great help in getting me to where I am today. It was sometimes not an easy road to travel, there were obstacles, bad weather, and slippery conditions, but it was the RIGHT road and the destination I have arrived at is amazing!


Though I can't claim victory for a restored marriage, I can claim victory in acknowledging that by following the principles taught here, my life has been transformed. I am now the man of my Jane's dreams (her words not mine) and I intend to work everyday to maintain that.


Those of you whose wife is still at home with you, don't wait another minute! Follow the guidance given by the folks in this ministry and watch the transformation process begin. To every man I say, "MAN UP", do what the Word says, and follow the principles Joel and Kathy have laid out. Die to yourself and regardless of the outcome of your relationship, you will become the man that God wants you to be and a man who is a fit husband for wife.


Thanks to everyone on this forum who has had a hand in helping in my situation, I pray that the blessings of heaven richly fall upon you as continue to help heal hurting marriages and relationships!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Taz,


We are very happy for you and fully validate your choice!


We look forward to hearing much more from you and your bride!


Would you call in on some group calls to give your praise report?


We would love to say "hi" to your bride too.


Kathy and I might be on Thursday night after 11:30... we definitely are on Saturday night at 9 pm and on Monday at 10:30 ish. Every night is a good night to call in though and share some joy.


You came to our intensive. You had a great attitude. You paid the price to win FreeJ back. You gave her every opportunity with our guidance. You followed our instructions. She chose her road and God was unable to bring her back to Himself. He gives us that freedom to choose.


Our kudo's and love to you.


You are also welcome and encouraged to offer insights and encouragements to people on their journey here.. to the men especially and to the couples.


Blessings to you!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...