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God Save My Marriage

631

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Everything posted by 631

  1. Hello God Is Love, I have read your thread and your wife's thread. While my story doesn't mirror yours exactly, it still comes down to the same fact that your abusive behavior thoughout your marriage has put you in the place where you are currently. Your wife has been dying inside for years wishing her husband would step up and truly love her. Now you are finally in a place where you are going to receive all the help you need to learn just what it means to be a Christ-like husband. What it means to really love your bride. You ask "why keep trying when she has no faith in me..?" You'r
  2. Heard this song the other day and it really spoke to my heart regarding how I need to humble myself before God and truly love my wife and family. To be a Godly man and spiritual leader. To make sure my priorities and dreams are for God, my wife, and family. Thought I'd put the lyrics down here... I love you Hope! Lead Me lyrics Sanctus Real - “Lead Me” I look around and see my wonderful life Almost perfect from the outside In picture frames I see my beautiful wife Always smiling But on the inside, I can hear her saying... “Lead me with strong hands Stand up when I can't Don't lea
  3. Your wife is singing some praises. Praise God! I am so excited for some of the changes that are happening. Great job creating a safe place for her to share her heart with you. Now just follow through on the promises made. Remember not to fall into the trap of doing just enough, go overboard! Really show her you love her with your actions. Remember to make any contact or communication a blessing for her. I can't wait to see what God has planned for your marriage and your family! Some great stuff posted here on your forum from the helpers! I am taking notes! 631
  4. Flyboy, We have been texting a lot and I think it would be good to have some of my comments posted here so that they are easier to read, dwell on, and pray about. Some general thoughts I want to share... The communication around money is a step for Pink to see if she feels safe communicating with you. This is a huge issue that has been holding her back. Now that she appears to be opening up some communication, make sure she feels safe in every way. By the way, Hope went through the accounts and didn't see any outrageous spending. The feelings that you are struggling with here are the
  5. We actually gave the books to my parents... they sat, unopened, for months. Finally we asked if we could give them to another couple that was really interested in improving their marriage. My mom never even opened them as she knew she was not going to change my dad, and she was not about to force him to change. That's not to say she didn't pray everyday he would become the husband God called him to be. She just already committed years ago that she would never leave, and she would never be able to change him. So she has lived with emotional abuse her entire marriage. My brother (and his
  6. Yes, a seemingly strong one too. But he also appears to be very strong about the man being the head (in a ruler type of way). His wife is submissive and doesn't stand up for herself when he snaps at her.
  7. One more question... About a month ago, I talked to my brother about coming together and talking to my dad about getting our mom a new washer/dryer (theirs are very old and they have plenty of money to replace them). (An incident I posted not too long ago on this thread.) My brother took great offense to this and told me it would be greatly disrespectful to confront the head of the house in such a way (holding him accountable to taking care of my mom). He thought instead we should go behind his back and purchase the washer/dryer for them. I backed up my reasons to confront in a nice way a
  8. Thanks for the responses. Hope and I are talking about the best way to address some of these issues. Our main area of difficulty is finding a solution for dealing with my dad and my brother. An example for my dad is that he was rude to my son a few months back. I let him know but he didn't say a word and didn't make any move to apologize. Instead he just changed the subject. I would note that he is very passive aggressive and doesn't like anyone telling him what to do. My brother is more on the aggressive side. He snaps at them pretty much every time we visit. He has also talked d
  9. Hi, I have some questions and looking for some expert opinions. In speaking with Hope last night, she mentioned there are some things she'd like me to address. One is that several years ago my dad was very rude to her about something. I did nothing to protect her. This has been a source of hurt ever since. Should I approach my dad about this incident? If so how should I do it? I want to bring healing to Hope in this area. I am also working on protecting my family, specifically my kids, from my brother and dad. They show no patience and are quite short with them. I have been much
  10. Thanks for the link LT. I read through it and it makes a lot of sense to me. It talking with Hope more, I am gaining a better understanding. There are a list of things that I am not doing. Initiating in ways that she needs to feel loved Flirting in a proactive/healthy way Actively pursuing Being a confident initiator When she's feeling hurt, I back off on the frequency of my calls/texts from work I think I have been a pretty good Butler...
  11. OK, I am making a point to get back on the forums and post regularly. To post about how things are going and what I am reading or learning while doing my homework. I am going to lay this out in a list format to describe the feelings Hope has shared with me to better describe our situation. Hope, please add or edit anything I miss the mark on here. I want to provide the best detail I can, not only to help everyone here on the forums understand where we are at, but also for me to reread and absorb your feelings. Hope is feeling: - As though she is dying inside - Like she did 3 years
  12. Thanks for thinking of me with the post above Joyful50. Ok, this past Sunday night, I put Hope in a place of deep hurt. I broke a promise to her in regards to love making and not putting her first. These are some of the ways in which I believe she is feeling (Hope, please add anything else you may be feeling): - Devalued, unloved, uncherished, unhonored - Like a "slut", like all the other women I've used in my life - Like she's been trampled by me in order to make myself look good to her in-laws and people of my church. - That I am nothing but a fake - It's all about me (631) Th
  13. Thanks lovingjesus, I purchased the book "Sheet Music" and have found it to be very good. I will report more but both Hope and I see it is an excellent resource. Any body else have suggestions? Thanks!
  14. Hope said I have been doing a fairly good job in most areas of our marriage and she is feeling that her emotional needs are being met for the most part. The area I continue to struggle tremendously in is initiating intimacy (love making). I keep going about it in the wrong way. When I think I am being more romantic or "setting the mood" with candles, the way I am going about it is still wrong. Hope explained she isn't quite sure what she needs from me in this way or exactly how I should go about it, but that I should be asking for help and reviewing resources to figure it out. She shared
  15. Hope is a little hurt this evening. She just mentioned to me before heading out to a church function that when initiating intimacy I am initiating with things that get me going through the day/evening and not her. We had a discussion this morning about how hard is for me to stop thinking about me and start thinking about her. It is such a simple concept that works. Yet so hard for me coming from such pride and selfishness. I can feel the change growing inside me and happening without me thinking about it at times. But other times, most in fact, I have to try hard to stop the "I/me" and r
  16. Looney, That's a great word, I agree with you Pure in Heart! What a way to picture things! Thank you for bringing that to us. I will let Hope direct my aim in order to take Satan out of the picture and out of our marriage. I know he wants to take us out very badly, because we are on the offense and spreading this ministry to others in order to save their marriages too. He is NOT happy about the successes that this ministry is bringing about and is going to go after those, such as Hope and me, that are the "culprits" in a sense. Thanks again Looney!
  17. Looney, That's a great word, I agree with you Pure in Heart! What a way to picture things! Thank you for bringing that to us. I will let Hope direct my aim in order to take Satan out of the picture and out of our marriage. I know he wants to take us out very badly, because we are on the offense and spreading this ministry to others in order to save their marriages too. He is NOT happy about the successes that this ministry is bringing about and is going to go after those, such as Hope and me, that are the "culprits" in a sense. Thanks again Looney!
  18. Thank you Kimberly, I appreciate your post. It really helps me understand better exactly how it makes her feel when I defend. I have always struggled with just that, truly understanding how my actions make her feel or have made her feel. I will keep the flavor of ice cream anology in the back of my mind at all times. 631
  19. Dory, Thanks for the response. As I read it and read it again, to let it soak in, it begins to make more and more sense. I appreciate it. I want to be like Jesus, not like Adam. I have to stop the defensiveness immediately and create a safe place for Hope. Again last night, I could tell she was hurt. I asked her to tell me about what and she said she didn't feel safe telling me. So I promised to create that safe place and that I would not get defensive. So what did I do, as soon as she said something, I was defensive. It is terrible. She called me on it immediately. (Excellent he
  20. I will be on the call with Hope tonight. The crazy thing here is we are sharing so much of this ministry with others right now through our church, and then I'M the one that's not cutting it! I'm helping them and explaining to them what's happening in their marriage. I honestly shouldn't need someone spurring me back into line. I am absolutely embarrassed by my lack of initiation. I am looking forward to the call. Thanks Firewalker.
  21. I want to grow and move forward in learning how to love my wife, and in actions in proving that I love her. How do I continue to grow and learn more and more everyday? How do I make sure I am not stalling or that I take a step backwards?
  22. For Him For Her, Thanks for the note and the help on the call. Yes I need to be posting and can't believe it has been about a month since I last posted. I have to make this quick as I have a meeting to run to, but since I returned from the intensive, I have taken a step backward and not forward. I have not been flirting or initiating intimacy with my wife as I was prior to or during the intensive. This is hurting my wife and I must stop acting selfishly in this way. She told me I am in a cycle of when she begins to point something out to me that I am doing wrong or not doing, my first resp
  23. Looking for some more help here. Today, I called Hope to tell her I was about to go into one of our labs to begin work on a project that required me to be in the presence of two other women. I wanted to reassure her that these women were not an issue for me in any way and that everything would be fine, but that she had a right to know. Background: This is a deadline project and I am very far behind. With the intensive coming up, an extended vacation after, and tech rep coverage required the remainder this week, I am in a huge time crunch to get it started. Today was the only day for m
  24. Hoping for Sunshine and Dory, Thanks for the responses! I just got back in from a night in the truck, wrote her an apology email, and now preparing to go make her a nice french toast breakfast that I had promised to make her Sunday morning, but didn't do. She's still asleep at this time. Yes, I have got to get to that consistency stage, immediately, and go after that life change. I do not want to just reflect an appearance of change, but rather I want to reflect a true change. A true change from the heart and not just the head. I completely understand what you two are saying. I hate t
  25. You may have seen a couple positive statements on Hope's page. Yes, things have been going generally pretty well, still struggling here and there but feeling as though we were really getting closer to one another, bonding, having more fun, etc. Especially this evening we were really having a good time together. Well, that all crashed late tonight. I'm on the 90 media fast and when walking in from outside, opened the door and glanced up and saw the tv (nothing bad btw), and quickly looked away. (Hope had been watching tv while I was outside doing chores but had stepped into another room.) I h
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