pink

Checking in. Jeremy and I have been doing pretty good. He's been super busy with the end of the term stuff and working at the hospital. I think we've been working better as a team lately. I've been trying to do more positive reinforcement. I've been helping out with some of his chores when he's trying to meet my needs too and being sweet. We definitely need to get on the calls more though.

I figured everyone was just really busy especially you guys(JnK). We have been getting along really well. Jeremy is being really sweet and I've been trying to do my part of rewarding him for good. My weakness is not giving enough positive reinforcement.

Am I being black listed or are helpers just busy? I'm doing what JnK told me too and they seem to be on board to move forward and start fresh with us. Our relationship is doing better lately. However I want our relationship to be outstanding not just good. I'll keep writing on here whether or not I get any advice I guess so at the very least it will be my journal. Pink

Jeremy just told me that the reason that Heather kicked us off the call is because me being hurt by him not getting me a card or even telling me he was going to make up my birthday was "stupid". It wasn't a "real" problem. I don't have any hope any more so oh well....

Things are BAD!

I just got off the phone call with Heather and Jeff. I'm confused because JnK told us to get on the calls and ANY helper would do to try to get us back on track. We've been back for about a month. We have been on JnK's calls on Saturday nights ever since and have been on some Sunday night calls. So I don't feel we are in crisis mode. Yeah we had a REALLY bad weekend that opened up a lot of wounds for me but before that we we working on things. Tonight I was told we were in crisis mode and needed to JUST talk to JnK. I guess I'm confused because of what JnK have told us and what Heather told us. I mean no disrespect but I'm confused! I guess JnK would be best because they have really been helping us work through a lot. The Sunday night helpers really helped too. Pink

Yeah I don't know if it's control or afraid of getting in trouble. I've had to ask him to check on me while I run. He'll ask me which road I'm going to run down and how far I'm going. This time I didn't tell him that I was going longer than the normal 3. This is a way that makes me feel cared for. So I really don't think that this was control.

One thing I thought was weird though is that I went on a 5 mile run and apparently Jeremy thought I was going 3. He drove to check on me but didn't see me and so he went to my parents house and frantically asked them if they had seen me. I didn't know about his "concern" until my parents told me. I feel that this was an act. How could he act all concerned to them and to my face show nothing but anger?! The only conclusion I can come to is that he is a good actor! Ok one more thing that I feel is a lie is when I spent the night at my dads house because of the whole birthday thing. I came home the next morning and he had the door locked which is kinda normal, plus he had the latch on the top locked too(which isn't normal). I normally have to ask him to lock the doors. I asked him why he did this, and he said because of all the "crime" happening around us. He was afraid for our daughter Sarah's safety.(She slept with him) Now Jeremy is staying at my dads, if he's SO concerned about all the "crime" happening around us than why wouldn't he want to be at our house to protect us?! It's just little things like this that say to me "I don't care about you!".

I'm going to get on the call tonight with Jeremy. He still is being very prideful and doesn't care how much he hurt me by not doing anything for my birthday. He has been sleeping up at my dads, which is nice.

I guess I have a small hope that God will get a hold of him through JnK.

Well so far Jeremy hasn't tried to make up my bday at all! The thing that is also really hurtful is that he didn't even have my girls make or get me a card or anything! In the past he has always gotten me a card and had the girls get me stuff. It's not like he doesn't know how to do this. He wants to talk but it never gets anywhere. Here's an example of him trying to work things out. "I'm really sorry, but what would you do if the girls didn't like what you did for them for their birthday?". UUUHHHH, I'm NOT a child and I would actually get them something for their bday!!!!!!!!! I want to get on the phone calls with him but he works tonight. He's such a jerk and doesn't treat me special and I could care less about being married to him! He makes my life hell!

Well Jeremy is slipping back into his jerky self again. This was my birthday weekend and it was the WORST birthday I've had besides the birthday before when I was pregnant. Jeremy had planned for his mom to watch our kids on Saturday so he could do something for me however she forgot that she worked. So instead of planning something else he just said there was nothing he could really do. We don't have a lot of money right now and that is usually Jeremy's excuse for not romancing me. However he had a whole YEAR to save a little money and make me feel SPECIAL on my bday. I was pretty upset because he didn't make any backup plans or anything after his mom canceled on us. He doesn't try to know my likes and dislikes. He didn't even get me a card! He also could've told me that he was going to make this up when we got a little money or put what he was going to get me in the card. So back to Friday night, my two older girls went to their dads and as USUAL jeremy had NOTHING planned. By the end of the week I'm ready to go do something. He's ready to lay in bed all weekend and be BORING! I've told him MANY times that he needs to plan something when the girls are gone but he NEVER does! He might be motivated by sex but I'm motivated by a husband who seems like he give a poop about me! He doesn't romance me, he doesn't give me gifts, he doesn't TRY! I'm pretty much the only one trying with this program. I ALWAYS have to ask him to get on the calls with exception of 1 time, to read the books, to do ANYTHING having to do with our relationship! If he put a quarter of the time he puts into playing video games, reading sports articles and working with his car hobby than we might have a decent relationship! Anyway Friday night rolled around and he wanted to go home and watch TV! BORING! That was my birthday weekend could he of least made me feel special once out of the year! I pretty much cried for about an hour straight because I felt so unloved and uncared for. He was nice at first but because I was still hurt he started getting mean. Because of that I went and spent the night at my dads. While I was at my dads he didn't try to pursue me AT ALL! He knows he supposed to do this but he wont. He just leaves me to hurt even more. The next morning I came back home and he was just sleeping at 10 in the morning. He didn't even say sorry or anything when I walked in he just laid there. I decided at that moment that I was going to make my own fun for my bday. I told him I was going away for the weekend and he just had a proud face that said he could care less. He called me once that day and asked in a non caring voice if I was ready to talk yet so I didn't call him back. He texted me 1 time that day to say have a good night. Sunday rolls around(my actual bday) and its about 11 and I get no call to say happy bday from him at all. My niece who I stayed with suggested that we go to the zoo. I thought it sounded fun to have Jeremy and Sarah to go so I humbled my self and called him and asked him to drive the 1 1/2 drive to come spend the day with me. He didn't even really try it seemed I was the one coming up with ideas on how he could come here. We don't have a lot of money right now and we have two separate bank accounts and the account with money in it was mine which I had the debit card to give you a brief history. Anyway he said he didn't have enough gas and there was no way he could come. He asked me if I could come get them which I declined. I felt like I would be pursuing him if I picked him up. (My ex would ALWAYS have me do all the driving when we got married to see him) I felt like he should TRY!Instead he started being really snotty with me and told me if I hadn't thrown a tantrum and left that we wouldn't be having this problem! So I hung up on him! I hung out with my niece all day on my bday. He never tried to call me until about 5:30 to ask when I was coming home. I came home with the girls and he came outside and tried to hug me like everything was ok. That's what he does, he'll ignore me while I'm gone and than act like everything is ok! Well not this time! So I brushed passed him and went inside to see my little Sarah who I hadn't seen all weekend. I went and took a bath with her and when I got out in my bathrobe he met me right outside the bathroom with a cake and the girls. I had to put a happy face on for the girls but after I blew out the candles I left for my dads. OUTSIDE the BATHROOM, REALLY! Still no card no present no special dinner. When I told him I was leaving for my dads he got real snotty again. Jeremy has impeccable taste where he does stuff. For example I told him I wanted him to take more pics of me so he takes a pic of me next to the trash can! This time he says he sings happy birthday to me right outside the bathroom where I'm in a towel! Also the cake was chocolate which wouldn't of been a problem EXCEPT I specifically told him MANY times that I like a fruit tarte cake, MANY TIMES! Like I said he doesn't care about knowing me. The birthday where I was pregnant I didn't spend with him either because he doesn't put any thought into my bdays! He doesn't CARE about me! One more thing, should Jeremy be on the forums?! It seems he doesn't really have to do anything! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest! Advice very much appreciated! Pink

Things are going pretty good, not outstanding but good. One recurring problem that hits a sore spot for me is when I leave to go overnight somewhere. My ex always wanted me to leave and wanted me to get more friends and go do stuff with them(So he could do his porn thing). Well when I leave to go hang out for the weekend with one of my sisters I feel like Jeremy is happy I leave. I guess I REALLY need him to reassure me during this time. Last weekend I hung out with my sister for the weekend. On Sunday my nephew was having a bday so my family was going to meet up and celebrate. I suggested that Jeremy drive down with my dad and we could drive back together which is about an 2 hr drive.He totally rejected the idea because he had homework. I understand the whole homework thing because I was in college too. However, he could of worked on it Friday and Saturday when I was gone. I guess I felt that he didn't really miss me because he didn't even care to TRY to see me. I felt very unloved and unwanted. He definitely would've met me there in our dating days. Also not doing stuff with my family seems to be Jeremy's M.O. lately. This is part of my love language. My ex after we got married also didn't want to do stuff with my family. It got so bad(with my ex) that I had to have two birthdays for my kids. I definitely wouldn't of married Jeremy if I would've known that he wasn't going to hang out with my family and have a good time. Lately he just pretty much keeps to himself and isn't social hardly at all. When I'm around Jeremy's family I socialize and I TRY. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Well today went exceptionally well. It started out with Jeremy giving me kisses in the morning, texting me mid-morning to tell me he was thinking of me, I had to remind him that I liked to hear his voice but he also called me, invited me to lunch and was very nice. Even though I wasn't feeling well I really wanted to be close to Jeremy and we ended up ML. I forgot how much I needed his touch after 3 weeks of not getting it! My oxytocin was definitely raised today and it made my weak body not feel nearly as bad. We had one incidence today where I was feeling threatened by another girl. A girl in Jeremy's class passed out in the row in front of him so he was right there to help. He helped her to her car along with other people too. I know it's good for him to help others and he is really good in emergency situations but it made me jealous because I miss his tenderness and him caring about me. When he told me about her I asked if she was pretty and he said that he had never looked at her that way which told me he did think she was pretty. Usually he tells me, "You have NOTHING to worry about". His response made me insecure and he got kinda defensive and annoyed. I calmly told him why I was feeling insecure and that he needed to reassure me and tell me reassuring things. He calmed down and ended up reassuring me a little. Any ideas of nice things he could say when I'm feeling insecure about other girls?

Do you think Jeremy is pushing me because he wants me to divorce him? My ex-husband treated me horribly until I had no choice. If so I'm sick of men being cowards! If they want a divorce than do it!

Joel I didn't try to rehash anything with Jeremy I just wanted him to get out of our bedroom since he was being such a jerk.

Hey I think someone needs to see if Jeremy is self-gratifying. This could REALLY explain his selfishness and self focus!

Well after Jeremy wouldn't get out of room I kinda took matters into my own hands and sernaded him with my trumpet. Yeah maybe I shouldn't of done this, but it makes me so mad when he outright refuses to do something he knows he's supposed to do. After I sernaded him for about 10 min and Jeremy the pretty much tone deaf person insulting me(LOL) he finally gave in. But what bothers me is he forcefully took my 1200 dollar coronet that I bought with inheritance money from my grandfather who also played trumpet and dented my horn. He than took my 200 mouthpiece and ripped it out of my horn denting the end of it! He really hurt my finger in the process because it was in the finger hole of the tuning slide. I told him that it really hurt me and he told me he didn't F'n care and called me a bitch. He than tried to turn on the tv to play video games which I turned off with the remote. He than ripped the remote out of my hand hurting my hand, which he could care less for. After that he took Sarah and drove up to my dad's to sleep. This is the first time he has took Sarah and I'm NOT OK with this!!!!! I really don't think he should be going to MY dad's house anyway. He should just move out! I think we don't compliment each other. He just wants sex anyways. He should just go find a whore who gave it up all the time no matter how he treated her!

Tonight after the call Jeremy was still being a jerk so I asked him to go sleep in the other bedroom. He refused like the time before last too. I thought I was supposed to have some power in this area to be able to have him give me some space when he outright refuses to be nice!

It seems that Jeremy is just focusing on me and what I should do. I listened on the call tonight and you said that if the husband has a concern he should have it addressed with the helpers. Jeremy might need to be reminded of this. He's NOT a safe place to come to anymore, I can't talk to him about anything serious without him exploding or acting very annoyed with me. 20/20/20 is not happening, which I never thought would happen. This was never our problem until recently It's more like 0/0/2. I hope someday I can get some oxytocin released.

So we had our 1 hour session and Jeremy seemed sweet for a day. He's back to his nasty self again. Yesterday I thought everything was ok but man was I wrong! I've been sick for about 4 days and Jeremy came down with it the night before last. So yesterday I had to take care of my mom and my active 21 month old all day. Needless to say I was ready to just lay down and rest. Well Jeremy told me that when he got home he would take care of my mom and the girls. When I got home from picking the girls up from school Jeremy was asleep in bed. I asked him if he would go take care of my girls and my mom like he said and he got real angry! I asked him why he was so mad and he said F---- it! He goes from nice to nasty in no time flat! I was confused! He called me selfish. Today he has been a raging jerk! I told just because I'm sick doesn't give me the right to be mean to everyone. Anyway, we will be on the call tonight. I'm not very hopeful at this point and CAN'T STAND the person I'm married to. This very wise man told me that it can take a man about 5 years to show their true colors and I wish I would've listened to him!

I texted you guys but I'm not sure if you guys get texts.

Oh yeah, lol I meant oxytocin inhibitor. We got paid so ill be calling you soon.

Yeah it sucks when he's in this mode! My sister's husband used to do this, he used to get really mad and than all of a sudden everything was fine and he was laughing and joking. My sister sarcastically would say, well he's not mad anymore so I guess everything is ok! He couldn't see why she was still upset, lol. I figured out who I'm married to though, the ultimate serotonin inhibitor! I hope I don't have to make a shirt that says this though:)

I want the session now but I have to wait til I get paid which should be any day now. Well its been over 2 weeks now that Jeremy hasn't initiated ML. It's weird because Jeremy is going through this up and down cycle. One second he's nice to me and the next he's a complete JERK! Yesterday after being a complete jerk in the morning he came home that night(after not texting or calling me all day)acting like nothing happened. This morning after I asked him why he didn't call or text me yesterday, he asked me why I'm trying to start a fight. This is so manipulative!I think all he's really doing is saying, shut up I don't want to deal with my crap! So he's done a complete 180 and is a raging jerk again! I really wish he would just leave! I hate it when he's like this. I don't deserve to be treated this way! I'm not going to stay here while he's acting like this. I can't get him to leave so I guess I have to.