sadjay

No probably not. I have absolutely no money and the money I do have comes from her. She has offered to help support me through medical school and she and the little one cannot afford my apartment and costs as it is already. So the extra 100 per month is not doable

Oh and I have personally thanked her twice for "jolting me awake" =) She seemed to not know what to say

That is very kind of you Mary Jane. This is a copy of the letter I already gave her, so changing it may help someone else but not me. Her response was "Truth" and that is all. I never thought of asking forgiveness as being pressure. Now I do.. =)

So Joel wanted me to post my apology letter to my wife in hopes it might help other men: Reba, Your feelings matter. I believe you no longer feel safe with me. This is my understanding of how it has been to tolerate me. (You deserve a medal) Day after day and week after week you have been assailed by blackness and abuse. You work all week to be a receptacle for garbage. You wait on an ignorant partner who is thankless and lazy. You work without being asked or thanked. Just once you would like to be the one sitting down and waited on. Every word out of your mouth is questioned or ignored. Your advice goes completely devalued and unheeded. All day long abuse is heaped on you. No kindness or words of love that mean anything are shared. The meaning is totally lost when there is no action behind them, or worse the action behind them is toxic anger and hateful remarks full of rudeness and selfishness. For years you put up with this, thinking one day you will be heard. Perhaps this is how marriage is supposed to be. If you are nice one more time, or give in one more time it will make a difference. Maybe things will change. But things never change and the only difference is more anger and more abuse. The inconsiderate tone is literally squeezing the life out of you. You have given away every piece of yourself to be repaid with hatred. Every tiny flaw of yours is picked apart and criticized. In every way you are devalued. This marriage has become a fraud. What was once a loving man who was protective and truly loving is now the enemy who attacks and harms. You are suffocating in the apartment. Every feeling of love or tenderness is killed, trampled on. You are done crying. You are done being manipulated into situations to make things all your fault. You cannot make a decision without having to be punished for it. Everywhere you go someone is complaining about your husband. You grit your teeth and try to say nice things about him. You are publicly mocked by your husband and he calls you names and embarrasses you while making excuses. You are accused of overreacting again and again. If he really knew what you were thinking he would be scared. You are shown no respect. Every kindness from you is met with criticism and attitude. Any effort on your part to reasonably object is met with frenetic insanity. You are not sure whether to be afraid or to pity, either way you are angry. Your feelings do not matter. What you want does not matter. Everything must take a back seat to this lunatic who cannot get his crap together. You are unloved, uncherished, not cared for, despised, neglected, unimportant, and pushed aside for the sake of your husband’s self interest. His anger is sickening. Nausea sweeps over you when he talks about the future. You are deeply devastated by constant wounding. You are overwhelmed with a sense of desperation to emotionally and mentally survive. Like someone deprived of oxygen you escape the marriage just so you will not suffocate. When separate from him you feel like you can breathe again for the first time in years. I have been indescribably awful. I have been exceedingly selfish and overwhelmingly inconsiderate. I have been a perpetrator of hurt. I have manipulated you to get what I want and left you with nothing. By choosing my own comfort and convenience over yours I have left you feeling that you were not important to me, safe and loved and I was a fool to send you that message. You deserve so much more than that. I am going to let my actions show how sorry I am and how valuable you are. Please forgive me.

also already called, already downloaded and reading

I am not trying to clean my wife

We all get a little irrational when we are angry that is why scripture says....in your anger do not sin. And again...be slow to become angry for mans anger does nit bring about the righteous life God desires. I am not saying her anger is irrational. I am saying she is irrational in her anger

When can i phone him?

No, she is just angry and has some irrational anger. I told her that separation from her was like being separated from our duaghter. I said this to describe an emotion. In her anger she took it as a veiled threat to kidnap our daughter. That was 2 months ago and she still thinks this.

My wife thinks i want to kidnap my daughter

I am trying to get through some books now. I am a medical student and am doing as much as I can. I have already done everything I can to give it to God. It just does not switch off. I need ecouragement and grace. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. I know what i have to do but it is not like a switch. It just takes a little time sometimes. I need support..

I appreciate your prayers. I cannot just switch off like a machine. It hurts me when I am criticised. I need prayer and encouragement

Yeah im panicking

She will take my daughter from me. That is avout what my daughter needs.

The day she called me and told me she wanted a divorce was on december 20th 2013. She is filing this monday. I have a daughter she will not let me see. I must contest if i am to see my daughter.

I don't have a choice but to contest. I have nothing. I depend on her support to help me through medical school. If she just held off for a few months I would let her go, but as it is, I would have to drop out of school and not finish with a quarter million dollars worth of loans

she tells me she wants a divorce on December 20th and says her lawyer is filing on Monday....does this seem a bit too fast to anyone here? Should I contest?

ugh she just told me her layer is filing on Monday!

That is what they say about medical school, it is a marathon and not a sprint. And speaking of dying to self, I have been clinging to Romans 12:1 lately that encourages us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. Whenever something difficult happens or I am awash with overwhelming emotion, I just close my eyes for a moment and imagine myself as a living sacrifice like Christ. It is then I realize Hebrews 12 and understand I am a son of God.

Thank you, I covet your prayers. My wife was in med school before me. I was a first year student when she was a 4th year student and that was the year we had our only child who just turned 2 on Christmas eve!

I have read several books but I did not realize i needed to read specific books. I am a medical student so i will try to get to it when I have time

Married 10 and a half years, have one daughter that just turned 2. My wife might say; the way I talk to her, they way I never listen, and The way I tell her she is always overreacting. (all while having a posture of anger). So I do not live with her all week due to school. I am in school 80 miles away. So I spend the week at school and the weekends at home. This has been going on for about a year and a half. One school responsibility required I stayed away for an entire month. The wife got to feeling good. Then when time came for me to come home she got to feeling bad. She decided that she was feeling bad because she was angry with me and had been for 8 years. So when I came home she told me not to come back. well I tried to work on it with her for a couple weeks. And that failed. I said a few crazy things, I never got angry. She was secretive and would not talk to me. I of course would try to talk to her. We tried to have "space." I like an idiot stalked her social media account and was able to read all her texts messages as her phone was under my plan. She caught me, I lied about it. We got into a long text war that night. The very next week she saw a lawyer without my knowledge. I was on much better behavior for the next 3 weeks. She consented to speaking to me on the phone. Her first words were that she was done, poured out, empty and wanted a divorce and just wanted to know what kind I wanted. All this took less than 6 weeks from the time she said she did not want me to come back to divorce. So your question will probably be what have I done? Well when I found out this was for real I immediately got on medication (I am on 3). I immediately went back to church the next day. I immediately got into counseling that week. I immediately stopped drinking which often made me hard to tolerate. There is no violence, no infidelity, no porn addiction. She is just done and empty and wants to get away from me as fast as she can because she is miserable. She does not let me see my child much- if I am lucky I might get to see my child a grand total of 8 hours the entire month of January over 2 days (it was originally 4 hours over 2 days). She changed the locks on the apartment and I now have to live elsewhere.