Teafriend

Yes, it is good news! Every day is interesting. Some days Prancer texts me messages of love and hope, other days he will email me. Sometimes he calls and leaves messages for me. He knows that these help get me through the day. I try to be the woman I know he needs me to be. We are getting along so well sometimes it is scary. There are still some slip-ups, but they are not big nor do they mean much. I love that he apologizes so fast! I am working on getting him to bring me coffee in the morning...consistantly. I do a lot of little things for him during the day.. he loves it so asking for that should not be a big deal. I will keep checking in.. I miss all of you! Teafriend

MaryJane, Stopping in to say hello and to let you know you crossed my heart several times in the past few weeks! I stopped to pray for you but then really needed to stop in today to encourage you! You are such a dear to me...isn't God's timing amazing? Prayers for you and Zac. I have been learning that valleys lead to deeper understanding and a larger appreciation for God's grace ( My valleys are school related these days). Good to come back for a visit! Love you! Teafriend

This site is all so new! Shows how long I have been gone.... Just wanted to stop in and say hello and give an update on Prancer and I. God is so good, ALL the time! Our lives here at the "almosta ranch" is awesome. I am loved, taken care of ( maybe even too much as I have become somewhat lazy on my day off) and dare I say, even fun! We have had so many breakthroughs that I have lost count. Apologies that have CHANGED hearts and minds, healed wounds and restored family. Love abounds here now... and all my adult kids see it coming from my husband towards me at every turn. No more angry outbursts..no more drunken fits of rage. No more hurt mom sulking in a corner. Now there is an example of a husband serving his wife... and a wife returning love freely without reserve or fearful of what is behind each corner. We have a daughter getting married in 7 weeks to a wonderful man who has walked beside us as we changed our lives, and helped our daughter heal from the wounds she suffered while we struggled with a horrible marriage. She has now watched the last three years of heart-growth on Prancer's and my marriage, and seen restoration that only God was able to orchestrate. I am forever grateful to this ministry for giving me the courage to walk out the tough parts... and to let God change him to be the man of my dreams I have 23 weeks until I graduate with my RN...a miracle on another front! God is so good to me, even in bad times I am grateful because I know HE is in control. I thank Him for this ministry and the people in it who held my arms up when I couldn't do it anymore.... Looking forward to starting new journeys! Warmly, Teafriend

Hello Hosanna! I have missed you! I was coming to get updated on all that has been happening with you...the latest looks very encouraging! Isn't God good to give us fresh and new outlooks? It brings a new meaning to "His mercies are new every morning". I will continue to pray for you! BTW- I want to reiterate that it is sometimes a long process to heal our young girl hearts ( in fact, I am still working on it!) and feel like we REALLY deserve to be treated like the princesses we are! I feel like God has given me yet another chance to allow HIM to heal my heart, soul and body...and getting the respect and love from my husband is all part of that. You are not alone in feeling abandoned, lonely etc. I am right there with you cyber sis!! But our Heavenly Father wants us whole...so with Him on our side, who can be against us?? Sending much love your way! Teafriend

MaryJane, I know that you are a wonderful helpmeet too. What a woman you are that you keep bringing up areas that need softening!! You are a gem.. Sometimes I think that men are like rocks... and that we have to just keep the pressure on for them to totally break until the diamonds are revealed. My little sermonette and revelation for the day... Love you! Teafriend

Mary Jane, I am on spring break now, so some stress is off! I wanted to come back to let you to know JUST HOW MUCH your time and love to me over this last year has meant to me. If it were not for you ( and a few others) on here caring for me, I would have lost it a long time ago. Prancer somehow reached a breaking point without me having to do anything other than lay around feeling half dead. I have barely had the strength to go to school every day, let alone attend clinicals. (How I did that is still a miracle to me. God IS good!!) Anyhoo...I am not sure when it happened, but I think it was shortly after the angry outburst about hiring someone...and my just walking off and later saying "I am not going to let you kill me over this".... I started realizing that things were getting done. Bills were paid off ( mine from when I was working!) and no more comments about cooking, cleaning or anything NEGATIVE I started seeing that he was CARING for me! WHAA???? Yep....actually loving me WITHOUT me chasing him. We are going to church on Saturday nights, then going out to dinner after, talking about the service and life in general. It is so nice! When I DO cook, he is very happy about it... and offers to help do the dishes afterward. He makes sure that I have lunches to take to school... and that I don't lack for anything. He calls me, texts me daily and leaves me notes to find...he even brings me goodies when I am studying. Goodness, it is like having a love fest all over again with him. So...I am like a chick who is growing up..and is peering out from under my protectors wings... looking at what life has to offer The fact that I am not struggling as much has also made a difference in how I am caring for myself. I never saw that I was really worth the effort of taking the time to exercise and really look at myself and the stress I was under. I truly believe that you and the other ladies here have helped to rescue me... I am so thankful for that! Looking forward to spending some time on here during break! Warmly, Teafriend

MaryJane! How I miss you....!! I think of you often...and how I never made a call to you again. Terrible of me. How are YOU?? Life here is just so busy with school and trying to get in shape again. Since my "incident" I have been working on getting healthier, and that takes time! I am exhausted by all the meds I am on and so after a day in school or clinicals I come home to exercise do homework and off to bed. a very dull life Prancer is doing well too Warmly, Teafriend

MaryJane, After you visit Jaya, come south to see me!! Sounds like praying in the Spirit loosened up some stones... Do you like your future daughter in law? It sure helps if you do! I am so glad son 3 is doing so well. It is an answer to prayer! I think of you often...and will smile when I think of the bedroom as a bedchamber! ( I like that too!) We are Elizabethan at heart.. Praying for you a great weekend!

MaryJane, What are you doing up so early??? ((yawn))) I am here. I am walking in a fog -- feeling weird.. I am back in school, and it is hard to concentrate..I feel yuckky all the time. I am seeing my own Doctor this week and I am hoping that she can help me with the medications. Yesterday I had a hard lab... they must have thought I was mentally challenged it took me so long.. ( argh!!) It has been a challenge to exercise.. I need to to get my sugars and cholesterol under control, but then when I do, I feel even worse. Whatever I am supposed to learn from this.??.. I obviously am slow at figuring that out too!! Prancer.....he has been out of town, so not much to tell on him. He came home last night and went right to bed. Last weekend I had some clarity about Prancer... he is INCAPABLE of handling ANYTHING outside of his work environment that is stressful, and that even applies to fixing something that has gone "wrong" at the house. He got SO angry that I had hired someone to come in and fix some things... I told him I am not nagging anymore. Going to tell him ONCE and then hiring someone to fix it. I gave him until tomorrow to fix the things I said, or the person I hired is coming in.... As long as I do not require anything Prancer is great...he goes along his way like a happy little toddler. But the moment I ask for or NEED something.. yikes, the toddler screams!! Ahhh.. gowing these men up is harder than raising kids!! Off to go start my day! Thanks for asking about me!!

Kimberly said everything so beautifully! BGBG, there is so much to being Christlike...Everytime I think that I am doing a good job of it, I learn how very poor at it I am! Keep up the good work that you ARE doing, read over Kimberly's post often ( as I am going to do and apply it to myself!) and learn -learn- learn. I too wanted a timetable... what I am getting is baby steps toward being healed. God knows the right timing in His perfecting of us. Praying for you!

Dear BGBG, Hellllo??? Did you even READ MaryJane's awesome post to you?? Did you READ the post? Hello?? The book ""seems"" to have contradictions ?? What? You are reading it to see what YOU can get out of it... not how to HEAL your wife!! I just want you to think about something for a MOMENT. My son, who is 6'4, 220 lbs ( since size seems to be a big thing to you) is married to a sweet 5'3 woman. She has a DISEASE that has her bedbound 20 hours of the day. I happen to know that he serves her by accepting that she has MANY physical issues that keep them from being intimate ( for now). HOW does he serve her when HE IS BEING DENIED??? By being sweet and accommodating. By watching her favorite movies with her... by playing games with her and LAUGHING... by asking God to help him keep pure in his thoughts and actions until the time that they can be together...by NOT putting pressure on her because HIS NEEDS are not being met.... Can you identify ANYTHING similar with YOUR story?? YOUR wife needs this kind of LOVE...until SHE heals! Yes, you are selfish. Just thought you would like me to ANSWER that for you. PLEASE go back and read the awesome posts that have been written to you... in the light of HEALING your wife... NOT getting the sex YOU want.

Hello, Hijacking for a moment The quote: "He doesn't seem to feel that he's capable of having a close emotional relationship with anyone, and I am no longer capable of living without it."" has been STUCK in my head ever since I read it. You are not alone!

Hello Futuregirl! Just stopping in to let you know I am out here and reading your thread....and praying for you. It is going to be tough!!! God knows the outcome!! Take peace in that! Some men get it and some men don't...some get it quick, and others drag their feet like they are in concrete!!!! Keep doing the things that the helpers suggest, they DO know what they are talking about. Neverdefeated---(((hugs))) you are not going to be censored for being negative...you are expressing the feelings that you have that are very real! Yes, FG needs to think about not having back the UGLY husband that she currently has... she wants a NEW husband! It is a work in progress...it is not for the fainthearted, that is for sure Keep reading the threads ladies...there are lots of stories that may suprise you in their horribleness...but give you encouragement too! Warmly,

Julie, How are you doing? I can only imagine HOW hard all of this is... How is work going? Children?? Stop in and update us!! as for Snooky---cut yourself some slack, but stay strong Thinking about you!!

Thank you for your support MJ! Yesterday was a reality check day from the nutritionist, internist and exercise coach... So, I am going to need to work on a few things But for now.. I am going back to my warm bed and "resting" a bit more

Hello MJ! What a blustery snowy day I awoke to! It reminded me of your farm These men I like the ideas Damsel had. I think signs on our clothing that say "hug me" are just the touch for today That SHOULD be clear enough... we'll see.

Hosanna, It is just SO hard to understand WHY people do the things they do... ( sometimes I don't get myself either!) I pray... that for today you will have peace and some understanding and insight...and that J will have a REAL experience of God's love, so that his heart may be changed and directed toward you! Bless you for understanding your mother...and giving to her when others were not. You are a wonderfully strong and compassionate woman, I am blessed to know you!

Hello my dear Friend! Just popping in to make sure you know how much I have appreciated your friendship I would be happy to take part in a coffee/tea time with you too! I missed the family pictures!! I really enjoyed the pictures of your farmland and house...((wistful))) I so agree with the not reading other books when you can come here!! Hope you have a wonderful ((hug)) filled day!

Hello MaryJane! I am so thankful for my friends on here...it means more to me than what you know! As for school, I really don't have a choice. I can't afford not to go, as we already paid for it, AND there is such a waiting list I don't want to lose my spot I do need prayers, as I know it is going to be tougher going this semester... I am going to work harder on losing my weight...and exercising more. I will be home today which will help me with the exercise ( I have a hard time walking outside in 3* weather!) as I have a treadmill at home. Prancer is there already.... boy was he a while I was in the hospital. He spent about ten minutes a day visiting... before I just told him to go back to his mom. Even after she died, I just could not handle his attitude... I think 80% of my stress is from HIM!! UGH Nearly the entire time there at the in-laws, he was either hunting pheasant, cleaning them or napping from the hunting. He spent MAYBE 3 minutes a day with me( driving to the place we stayed)... and left me to deal with his nutty family the rest of the time. Do I sound like a whiner? I feel like one! I know it was his mom... and that is how he was dealing with it (or NOT). I feel really unproductive....and like I am on a precipice somehow.. I hate it! Does anyone get this??

My friends!!! Thank you!! Your words to me were like a cool drink in the desert!

Merry Christmas to you too August!

Julie, ((hugs))) This private section is your refuge my dear. Your refuge from having to explain your every post... from people who do not understand.... from prying eyes that want to use your hurting words against you.... Your wasteland only feels so because you WANT so bad for snooky to hear, read, know, (((feeeeel)) and answer your pain. But Julie... WE feel what you are going through...really! You are in between, that is for sure. We are here for you while you are in the sandwich between real life and LIVING life for real... Love you Julie!

I wish I had that attitude... it is what it is! Have a wonderful time Looney!

Can I just call you?

Hello Hosanna, If I am wrong here, a helper will correct me GENTLY... I am going to go out on a limb here, ok? I don't mean to make you upset, so keep that in mind while you read this Firstly... J is WRONG. Your J really is a toddler. He has shown his age time and again. When he misbehaves you need to remember he is NOT a man YET!! When you make statements that are so final, his toddler brain reacts...you can't tell a 2 year old something and then expect him to act as an adult. This is a cycle that needs to be broken, but without all the ultimatums and going to mama. Your kids are all watching this too...MY kids HATED the rollercoaster of papa in papa out.... J IS SHOWING improvements...so we need to figure out darkness/punishments that fit the crime. Fogive me for saying that? You are not in the wrong....you are well within your rights of being angry.. all of us understand that!!!!!!! Think through this a little...dealing with an addicted toddler is TOUGH...keep in mind that he has to overcome a LOT to be the adult he needs to be. YOU ( unfortunately) bear the brunt of his behavior, but it WILL be worth it when he grows OUT of his issues. It also means that you have to be a helpmeet that keeps his feet to the refining fire in constructive ways. I know you want this marriage to work.... (right?) Ultimatums only work if you are willing to go through with the end result. If you really mean it... we are here to support you in that decision!! Your cyber-sis who cares about you!!