childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hello and Welcome  First, I would like to encourage you to order and read both of J&K's books, if you haven't done so already.. Second, get the books into your husbands hands and ask him to read them as well.. Third, you need to get to an intensive as soon as possible...There are two or three spots left for the September 30th one...so have your husband call and make the arragements...This will be the "fork in the road" for the both of you. Fourth, if you can, get on our weekly group calls and listen in... The reason for all your insecurities are two folded...one from your own wounded past of your childhood and second, because of your husabnd...which he probably fostered in your marriage, instead of standing in the gap for the wounding you received as a child....The good news here is that with both of you working together, learning and putting into practice our teachings here, you can get on the other side...God has a plan in store for you both...lets work at making it happen... You going off the handle and hitting your husband is not what a Godly girl should do...but we totally understand why you reacted this way. Understandable when a husband is feeding death into a marriage instead of life...You were only responding, so we will help you as well in learning how to respond in a better way... I pray that you continue to read the posts here, gain better understanding of what God is planning for your life and I pray that your husband has a willing and opened heart to make some real changes in his life as well...and learn to heal your heart and past wounds.... Blessings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryJane Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hello Child of Hope! I'm glad you came! I agree with Gaininghope's advice to you.  Also, I want to give you a web address. It's a natural supplement program geared to relieving personality/mental issues like you've described exist in your marriage. Our son takes these supplements. As a result, he's having less and less trouble with racing thoughts, etc.  http://www.truehope.com God loves you with an undying love. Jesus is right there by your side as you begin this journey in a new direction. Be of good courage! MaryJane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Thank you gaininghope and MaryJane for your encouragement. It is so healing just to have another human being to share your pain with. You are a real blessing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 I need help sorting through some logistical issues. I will try to be brief and to the point, but my thoughts are jumbled. Please read my earlier post for a more thorough description of my situation. My husband and I are separated (living in different states), and I am financially dependent on him. My husband's general attitude toward the separation is one of passiveness, indifference, just let things happen, etc. We have a history of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse of one another. We both have anger issues. I have extreme insecurity issues that trigger my anger toward him when we are under the same roof. NONE of these issues are resolved at this point. I have no family to turn to for help (or a place to stay). My family have their own problems & they mostly add stress when I am around them. Our house (where I am currently living) is scheduled to be sold on Sept. 24. I have moved all of my furniture and most of my belongings to my husband's home (mostly by my own initiative, not his). I am scared to move to his house, but what do I do? If I stay in this state, I need to immediately begin looking for a job and we will end up separated by hundreds of miles, making reconciliation even harder. However, I don't want to feel like a leech anymore and have him look down on me with scorn as he has silently done for years. (Example: we recently took a trip in our RV trailer, and he wouldn't let me have the keys to the trailer because he said he didn't trust me with them since I lost a set of keys before. He often, when angry, points out that our home belongs to him because he paid it off.) Personally, I feel in my heart that we need to already be in an intense counseling program before I move back in with him. I also feel that he absolutely must take the lithium supplement that seems to control his mood swings and clinical depression. I also feel that he must resume his exercise regimen because that definitely helps him vent his anger on something other than me. However, he tends to be lax and NOT take initiative in all of these areas. He pours himself into his work and lets other things go. I don't know how to go about making these demands because for one thing, he probably won't follow through with them, and I don't have much time (ie. I don't know where I'll live.) Does anybody have any advice on the order in which I should proceed with getting back together? I really need some help here. Thank you so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Is your husband willing to go to an Intensive with Joel and Kathy? Or, if you can't get there, will your husband be willing to go on a counseling call with them? Â Does your husband want to work on this Marriage ? We can help you, but it would really help if we had your husband on board. Â Yes, we understand your fears of moving to your husbands home. We understand all your fears, and we really do want to help you. Â Are you connected to a local Church ? I would suggest that you call and talk to a Pastor. Perhaps, they can help you find a place to stay temporarily ? Â There is a call tonight beginning at 9:00 Eastern time. Can you call your husband and ask him to come on the call ? We would like to help you both. Â Praying for you,Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bimmers3 Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hi,I'm not a helper or as eloquent as the helpers here but I will try to offer you something.Try contacting the women's shelter in your area.They may be able to get you back into the work force-a job of your own- and offer you help. Don't be afraid. PM (private message) one of the helpers or Joel and Kathy for a faster response, copy and paste your story to a PM to them if you feel the need to. I'm sorry I can't offer you more than my pitiful little two cents, I try to give support when and where it seems to be needed tho.Start with the first part and see if that helps a little.Do something positive for yourself. Best of luck and God Bless you.LoveBimmers3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks Kay and bimmers3 for your support. It really helps. My husband completed an intensive anger management program recently, so I believe that he does want us to stay married and to work on the marriage. He would probably also be willing to come on the conference call as well. What is the number we should call? What do we say when we call, or do we just listen? As far as the Pastor is concerned, I sporadically attend a house church where I live. I was in a special type of counseling called "prayer counseling" for a couple of months with the Pastors of this church. When I recently shared with the Pastor I was planning to move to my husband's home, they thought that was a really good thing and congratulated me (they know in full detail about our situation). The Pastor also said to me that most of the time in relationships, the woman ends up doing most of the giving. Something about this doesn't completely resonate with me, but I thought maybe it is just my pride and selfishness getting in the way. Anyway, I don't feel like celebrating about going to live with my husband. I feel in a sense that I'm going back into bondage. I will most likely end up sleeping in my own bedroom and us isolated emotionally from one another. What a marriage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bimmers3 Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Childofhope From what you have said here, it sounds like you feel that your husband would be teachable and is willing to save the marriage, even though right now he doesn't have the tools or the right teachings.... Lots of things you said are some of the same things other's have said over the years too....not giving you key's to the Rv...he's treating you like he's your father not your husband...who cares if you lost a set of keys once...who hasn't??? Since your husband has completed that anger management course, then hopefully he's found some tools to use to control that anger...we of course will help him even more on this...all of that is what we call "arrested development"... As for you and your response to him...that all it is...you responding to him...when he's treating you bad you are responding bad..that's the way God made us ladies...we just naturally respond to what is being feed to us... All our calls start at 9est....so depending on which time zone your in...check your clock...Tonight's call will start out with John and Susan...wonderful helpers on the call....then around 10/10:30 est..Joel and Kathy will be on and take over the call...when they get off..we sometime have other helpers come on and continue the call as long as there is a couple in need...YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS CALL TONIGHT! This is a freebie for you! Just give your husband the number and passcode...and ask him to listen...you don't have to talk if you don't want too...but I would encourage you both to speak up and let us help you and him get your foot in the door so to speak.. Did you by any change order the books yet? It's harder to explain things when couples haven't read the books...it can be done...but it helps both of you in your understanding on what our teachings are all about... Hope to hear you on the calls tonight.... Blessings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hi gaininghope, Just wanted to let you know that I just ordered the second book. We actually have the first book some place at our other home, but who knows where it is (after moving). Also, I have e-mailed the conference call info. to my husband and asked him to call in tonight. I will also be calling in. Should I use my user name or my real name? Also, how does this work? Do people take turns talking or do you have to jump in and say something when there is a break in the conversation? I am not very good at jumping in; I am naturally shy by nature. I just wanted to know ahead of time what to expect. Thank you for your validation and encouragement; it really helps. Blessings,childofhope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hi Childofhope, When you go on the call tonight, really try to get on right away. They will take a roll call. Asking people to say hi. When you say hello, let them know that this is your first time calling in, and you would love to get some help, if possible. You can use your real names, or forum names...... totally up to you. It varies, couple to couple.....  Usually, the priority of help will go to those who those who have attended an Intensive. All of the calls usually go on for a long time, so try to be patient. The good news is that you will both be able to learn so much about this Ministry even when just listening. So many similar stories.............  When the helper says, "Call is open" that's your key to jump in and introduce yourself, again. (If your shy, ask your husband to speak up, first) Make sure your phone is unmuted........ *6 will mute and un-mute.  Hope this helps. Now, I'd like to address your Church......... You really need to find another Church because this Pastor should not be encouraging you to go home right now. Your husband does not sound safe enough, and unfortunately, too many Pastors believe that a wife should submit to their husbands, regardless of how bad they treat their wife. They think that if the wife would just be nicer, than all would fall into place, and "happy husband, happy wife" It just does NOT work that way......... The saying is quite the opposite.... Happy wife, happy life! We want the husbands to go FIRST! This works............... the other way just keeps these guys from growing up. You will find plenty of scripture to back up what we teach.  We are here for you, and we have confidence that we will get the two of you on the other side. Hang in there, sweet sister.  btw..... go find Book one and start reading....... If you can't, then you can read from their original websight (on-line for free) That's how I started. Once you start reading, I guarentee you won't be able to put it down.  Praying for you,Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 I just wanted to post and say that my husband and I are both planning to call in tonight. I just spoke with him, and he also just signed up on the forum, so this is very positive. For those of you who will be on the call, he will be introducing us by our forum names: He: Trusting God Me: childofhope Thanks to all who encouraged us to take these first steps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Great, I'll be on the call, and hoping that you both will have the opportunity to talk with us. Â Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 I just wanted to post and say that my husband and I are both planning to call in tonight. I just spoke with him, and he also just signed up on the forum, so this is very positive. For those of you who will be on the call, he will be introducing us by our forum names: He: Trusting God Me: childofhope Thanks to all who encouraged us to take these first steps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 This is a great...encouraging first step...God is working here in your life! Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 to all who encouraged us to call in tonight and also those who mentored us on the call. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You all on the conference call articulated to my husband, Trusting God, in a way that helped him understand things I have been trying to get through to him for months! He was very encouraged as well. I am thankful to God that I have a husband who is open enough to even try these things. I know many aren't open at first, and my heart goes out to the wives of those. God can change hearts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 As a result of the encouragement he received in this one conference call, my husband, Trusting God, is planning to schedule us for an Intensive. He has said he will also help me find a safe place to live while we work out our marriage problems. We have been advised not to move back in together before we attend the Intensive. In fact, the mentors on the call advised me that I will know when it is time for me to move in with my husband. I will want to be with him and feel safe with that decision at that time. I feel so much better, having had these parameters defined for me. All these long months, I have been dreading us getting back together, with no clear plan to fix our problems. Now I truly have HOPE, and it feels just GREAT!!! Thank you to everyone who has encouraged us so far. We are blessed to have made such wonderful friends in just a couple of days! God Bless You All. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 gaininghope, A special "thank you" to you for offering to help find me a place to stay. I was a little leery of fully disclosing my location on the call (or internet), but I will send you a pm if I need your help. Your offer was very kind. Blessings,childofhope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Anytime you need it...we're only just a few hours away from each other...it's always nice to have some close by that can help out when you need it...  Ps... Don't worry about giving out your information...no one knows who you "really" are....just a location....can't match that up with anyone or anything...  Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Child of Hope, Now I truly have HOPE Look above at your name, and then look at what you just said. God is working through this Ministry. I am so glad that you are feeling so much better. I am going to move your entire string to Woman with husbands trying to win back their heart.  Nice that your husband is on board. Makes things so much easier!  Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Kay, Thank you for moving my string; I was thinking that someone should do that. I am thankful that my husband is open to changing and making our marriage better. He has always been a very humble man, and that has been a constant blessing. This morning when I talked to him, he was already reading book one. I can't say enough "thank you's" to all of you for your support and encouragement. I am so grateful to God for this ministry. Blessings,childofhope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bimmers3 Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Child of Hope,I'm so excited for you. I'm glad you are here. It feels so good to get support and advice from real people who understand because they have been there! I'm glad I 'met' you too. lolI hope to be getting to an intensive soon. That will have to wait for now.. we are 'taking a step back' right now and reorganizing our finances and house.. etc.. We will get there.Thanks for posting on my thread and being there for me too, it really helps.Love and Bless You Bimmers3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Hope Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 CoH (ok condensed your name here) This is a great leap of faith here! You should be really hopeful today, you stepped out and took a jump here, and your husband was there with you. He seems really willing to listen, learn and put into place the right teachings now. This marriage CAN BE SAVED!!!!  Now lets get the two of you to an intensive ASAP! This will really cement all the new teachings you both are going to be learning here and on the group calls... Blessings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
childofhope Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 We are scheduled for an intensive on September 30 I am hopeful and encouraged and very happy for all the new friends we have here on the forum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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