Jusdewit : (Jusdewit & Son-worshipper)

[son-worshipper]

June of Ward & June asked:

Did you take the ADD test or get checked yet?

 

You replied:

Ask SW.

 

JDI, this is not an appropriate response to a legitimate question by someone who is spending time to help you become a godly man. Can you give a more appropriate answer?

[son-worshipper]

We arrived safely in OH last night.

[jusdewit]

to R2 (6 yo daughter) and G (8 yo son).

 

For a long time I did not treat Mom and all of you like I should have. I was not a husband or father like God said I should be. I talked ugly to mom, called her names, argued/fought with her, was mean to her. Because of this Mom got so sad that she had to stop talking to Dad until I decided to start treating her better. None of this problem with me and your Mom is your fault, it is all my fault. I am so sorry for the things I did to make you and Mom feel bad. I am now learning and working on being a good husband to Mom and a good father to you, so we can all live together happily. I love Mom and you very much and can't wait to see you all as soon as we can.

 

SW. I edited the letter. Is there anything else you want changed?

[jusdewit]

to R2 (6 yo daughter) and G (8 yo son).

 

For a long time I did not treat Mom and all of you like I should have. I was not a husband or father like God said I should be. I talked ugly to mom, called her names, argued/fought with her, was mean to her. I also talked and acted mean to you and allowed you to do things your mother did not aprove of. Because of this Mom got so sad that she had to stop talking to Dad until I decided to start treating her better. None of this problem with me and your Mom is your fault, it is all my fault. I am so sorry for the things I did to make you and Mom feel bad. I am now learning and working on being a good husband to Mom and a good father to you, so we can all live together happily. I love Mom and you very much and can't wait to see you all as soon as we can.

 

 

SW. Edited again. Anything else?

[jusdewit]

June of Ward & June asked:

 

You replied:

 

JDI, this is not an appropriate response to a legitimate question by someone who is spending time to help you become a godly man. Can you give a more appropriate answer?

 

 

J & W, I discussed the ADD question with SW and she did not feel ADD was a factor. I did take a test from a site (about 70 questions), and e-mailed her the filled out test to get her take on what items might apply that I might not have noticed. If SW thinks I should be tested I would be glad to.

Edited July 4, 2010 by jusdewit

[jusdewit]

SW, I'm sorry I upset you by calling so early and so much. I hope you and the children are having a good time. I miss hearing your voice. If you don't mind, would you allow the children to call me today, (4th). I love you.

[jusdewit]

When I couldnt sleep last night I watched DVD #3, Cleaned more on the living room, put up the roll up blinds in K's room, did two full loads of laundry of stuff from under the couches and hidden places in the living room and kitchen. I repaired the lid to your cannister. I will work tomorrow on the other letter. JRJB sent a powerful foreward. I'm going to post it here. I think this will speak to many.

 

 

Dear Friends,

 

 

 

I just have to share this story. I don’t often feel this moved, but this one moved me to tears! Oh, to be used by God like this. I don’t know if I would have the courage to do what Beth Moore did, but I would hope that I would. I think I would have to KNOW that this directive came directly from God. Wouldn’t it be something to know that God had used you in such a powerful way? If only we would have the courage to do what He asks of us. To experience that undeniable feeling that He is moving us to do something for His glory would certainly be overwhelming. I hope this story moves you as much as it moved me … to want to serve our Lord in whatever capacity He asks of us!

 

HAIRBRUSH EXPERIENCE OF BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORT

 

 

 

For those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.

 

 

 

This is one of her experiences:

 

 

 

April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville, waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you.

 

 

 

You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons, not the least of which is your ego.

 

 

 

I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt.. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones.

 

 

 

The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man.

 

 

 

I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport... An impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served up on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.

 

 

 

Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.

 

 

 

I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing.

 

 

 

I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. “Oh, no, God, please, no.” I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, “Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!”

 

 

 

There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, “Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane.” Then I heard it...”I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair.”

 

 

 

The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainer. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, “God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man.”

 

 

 

Again, as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. “That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair.”

 

 

 

I looked up at God and quipped, “I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?”

 

 

 

God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: “I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:17)

 

 

 

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, “Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?”

 

 

 

He looked back at me and said, “What did you say?”

 

 

 

“May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?”

 

 

 

To which he responded in volume ten, “Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.”

 

 

 

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, “SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?” At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Long Locks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, “If you really want to.”

 

 

 

Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, “Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush.”

 

 

 

“I have one in my bag,” he responded.

 

 

 

I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull. A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while.

 

 

 

The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's.

 

 

 

I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knee and said, “Sir, do you know my Jesus?”

 

 

 

He said, “Yes, I do.”

 

 

 

Well, that figures, I thought.

 

 

 

He explained, “I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior.” He said, “You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, ‘What a mess I must be for my bride.’”

 

 

 

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it.

 

 

 

Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

 

 

 

I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, “That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?”

 

 

 

I said, “Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!”

 

 

 

And we got to share.

 

 

 

I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!

 

 

 

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way... all because I didn't want people to think I was strange.

 

 

 

God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.

 

 

 

Please share this wonderful story. The power of prayer is not in the one praying, but in the One who hears the prayer!

[gracey520]

JDI,

 

I heard you on the conference call last night. I am curious why you did all these other things last night when your wife asked you on the call about the draft letter and why you hadn't posted it on the forum yet? It seems like you would have gotten off the call and worked on that letter. I know you mentioned not being able to think due to some physical issues, but from what I've read and heard, this is really really important to SW. Important enough to force yourself to push past anything that was hindering you from writing the letter.

 

I know that my husband sometimes gets going on performing things that need to be done, but are not the things that I have asked for. It is helpful and a blessing to me when he focuses on what I've asked him to do, even if there are other tasks staring him in the face. Just in case you are also like that, I can tell you that nothing you do will be a blessing to SW unless it is done AFTER you do what she has asked you to do.

 

I am definitely not bashing you here -- I really want your marriage to succeed, and we are praying for you specifically. I am sharing this with you as a sister in Christ who knows that SW is TIRED of pointing things out to you. I hope that you can receive this in the spirit it is posted.

 

Many blessings,

Gracey

[jusdewit]

JDI,

 

I heard you on the conference call last night. I am curious why you did all these other things last night when your wife asked you on the call about the draft letter and why you hadn't posted it on the forum yet? It seems like you would have gotten off the call and worked on that letter. I know you mentioned not being able to think due to some physical issues, but from what I've read and heard, this is really really important to SW. Important enough to force yourself to push past anything that was hindering you from writing the letter.

 

I know that my husband sometimes gets going on performing things that need to be done, but are not the things that I have asked for. It is helpful and a blessing to me when he focuses on what I've asked him to do, even if there are other tasks staring him in the face. Just in case you are also like that, I can tell you that nothing you do will be a blessing to SW unless it is done AFTER you do what she has asked you to do.

 

I am definitely not bashing you here -- I really want your marriage to succeed, and we are praying for you specifically. I am sharing this with you as a sister in Christ who knows that SW is TIRED of pointing things out to you. I hope that you can receive this in the spirit it is posted.

 

Many blessings,

Gracey

 

 

Gracey, I did post it many times with many edits. I looked at it again after the call last night and edited it and posted again two more times. I did the other bthings because I was mentaly and physicaly exhausted but could not sleep, as has been the case for the last couple of weeks. I was trying to do enough non thinking tasks until I could fall asleep and get my mind back functioning again. These things are important to me too. I am the one who initiated the letters / desire to talk to the children concerning the situation. I did not sense anything sarcastic, spitefull, oe demeaning tone or intent in your post. Thank you for your concern.

Edited July 4, 2010 by jusdewit

[jusdewit]

Ward & June, I looked back at your earlier posts for the site for the site with the ADD test. I went to the J&K link which had the link to the ADD site. I did not realize that was the link you were refering to earlier. I took the test to the best of my recolection and the results indicated I probably did not have ADD. It might help if SW wants to go to this site and fill one out for me from her point of view and see if the results are different. BTW, the test and results are free.

 

http://www.amenclinics.com/cybcyb/online-tests-calculators/add-test/

 

Amen ADD Test (Adult/Child) ©

Results:

Your results indicate that it is unlikely that you have ADD. However, if you are still concerned about yourself or someone you love, and would like more information about treating ADD please click the link below.

[dory]

For the record, I am coming to know SW as an absolute dear heart of a friend AND mother and we are truly blessed by her and thier children's company. VERY sweet folk. It will be sad to see them go when they feel the need to move on, but its been a true joy having them here for the present.

 

Thank you SW for choosing to come and making the long journey!

 

Dory & Nemo

[jusdewit]

SW, D2 invited me over to the Cummings this evening for fireworks and whatever. I lost track of time while on here. Too late for church. I just called K. Could I call the children or you let them call me? I do love you and want to do this as fast and effeciently as possible. I'm sorry for putting pressure on you to rush your recovery. I will try harder to go with the flow of the program. Have a good time and please let me know about talking to the children.

[jusdewit]

SW, Has D1 or D2 called you? When I get in touch with them would like me to tell them to call?

 

I am feeling much better today. I think it was a combination of the fast, lack of sleep, and trying to do too many things too fast. I was able to get to sleep about 3:00 and slept till 9:00. Under normal circumstances the melatonin might work well, but doesn't seem to be having much effect on me.

 

I will finish the letter addressing the older kids today and post it.

 

I'm sorry for acting like a wimp the last few days. I did find the link J & W were refering to, and if you would like to go to the test site and fill out the questions I would apreciate it. The questions are about the same as the ones I sent you, but gives degree options rather than just an all or nothing check mark. It takes about 5 min to fill out, then hit a button and it gives you an assesment / results. http://www.amenclinics.com/cybcyb/online-tests-calculators/add-test/

 

I love you

[gracey520]

JDI,

 

So glad you are feeling better, and feeling able to allow SW to heal and let things move on her timetable. That will help so much. My husband and I will pray for divine wisdom for you as you work on the letters today. I have noticed that my daughter responds well to my husband; when he pours life into her, she responds quickly. I pray that will be true for you as well.

 

Blessings, Gracey

[jusdewit]

JDI,

 

So glad you are feeling better, and feeling able to allow SW to heal and let things move on her timetable. That will help so much. My husband and I will pray for divine wisdom for you as you work on the letters today. I have noticed that my daughter responds well to my husband; when he pours life into her, she responds quickly. I pray that will be true for you as well.

 

Blessings, Gracey

 

 

Gracey, Thank you for your support and encouragement.

[jusdewit]

Praise report. My BP is lower today than it has been in over a month. It is actually in the normal range.

[jusdewit]

I am not finnished, but this is what I have so far.

 

to R1 (13 yo daughter) , K (17 yo daughter) , D2 (18 yo son) , D1 (20 yo son)

 

 

I am sorry for the way I treated you and Mom over the years. I have not been the husband or father that God requires me to be. For many years I did not show mom the kind of love and affection she needed, certainly not "agape" love as the bible tells husbands to do towards their wives. I became harsh with her when she did not do the things I felt were her job. I did not support her emotionally when she needed me to. I resented her when she spent time, energy, and emotions doing good for others because I thought it was stealing time and emotional resources from our family. Because I was not giving her what she needed, to be and feel fulfilled at home, she looked outside the family to find meaning, personal and emotional fulfillment. I often argued with mom, trying to get her to do things my way, and to see things my way instead of trying to understand her needs and how this affected her. She was only responding to what I had been doing wrong or many years..

 

Because of the anger and resentment I let build up in me, I thought I was justified in the way I talked and acted to your mom. By doing this I caused very deep pain and emotional chaos in your mother's heart. When she would do things that made us think she was crazy and out of control, she was just responding to things I did, or did not do that I should have. The responsibility was mine. The fault lies with me. I am deeply sorry for putting our family in the position it is in now. I take full responsibility for the mess I made of our family by not being a quality man of God. A quality man of God. This is the direction I want to persue, for me and for restoration our family.

 

I am sorry for the pain and turmoil I caused you children by being an angry, aggressive father. I have said so many mean and hurtful things to all of you. The rebellion and resentment in you is a reaction to my own rebellion and resentment toward God. When this arose in you, I reacted harshly because it reflected what I was doing wrong as a father, and I did not want to see the truth. I did not show you the love, patience, and Godly discipline you needed from me.

[gracey520]

JDI,

 

Thankful and I have read your letter. We have some suggestions, just based on the message of this ministry as we understand it. Obviously, we don't know what specific hurts you have caused your wife and children, and VERY OBVIOUSLY, what SW wants you to say to the children is most important!!! So our suggestions are just from the point of view of making your apology letter line up with what you have learned, and our thoughts. I have put some thoughts in below in blue.

 

 

 

[A thought - perhaps you should give them some background on what you have learned about God's intent for a family? How He designed it. For instance: "I have learned that when God made the husband and father the "head" of the family, the word "head" actually means "source of life." It doesn't mean the boss or the big authority. When a husband is not a good source of life to his wife, she naturally has all kinds of negative responses. I have caused all the problems in our home because instead of being a source of life to Mom and you children, I have been a source of spiritual and emotional death. It is natural that we have all these problems because of my actions.] I am sorry for the way I treated you and Mom over the years. I have not been the husband or father that God requires me to be. For many years I did not show mom the kind of love and affection she needed, certainly not "agape" love as the bible tells husbands to do towards their wives. I became harsh with her when she did not do the things I felt were her job. [This sounds a little bit like justifying your harshness because she wasn't doing what you felt was "her job." Maybe "what I wanted her to do" instead of "the things I felt were her job."???] I did not support her emotionally when she needed me to. I resented her when she spent time, energy, and emotions doing good for others because I thought it was stealing time and emotional resources from our family. [same comment.] Because I was not giving her what she needed, to be and feel fulfilled at home, she looked outside the family to find meaning, personal and emotional fulfillment. Perhaps add something like: "It is natural and understandable that she did this. I was being a source of death to her, and she had to find some life somewhere else." [i don't know about your situation. [/color] I often argued with mom, trying to get her to do things my way, and to see things my way instead of trying to understand her needs and how this affected her. She was only responding to what I had been doing wrong for many years.

 

Because of the anger and resentment I let build up in me, I thought I was justified in the way I talked and acted to your mom. [Perhaps add: "I was 100% wrong."?] By doing this I caused very deep pain and emotional chaos in your mother's heart. When she would do things that made us think she was crazy and out of control, she was just responding to things I did, or did not do that I should have. The responsibility was mine. The fault lies with me. I am deeply sorry for putting our family in the position it is in now. I take full responsibility for the mess I made of our family by not being a quality man of God. A quality man of God.[Excellent! Full ownership!] This is the direction I want to pursue, for me and for restoration of our family.

 

I am sorry for the pain and turmoil I caused you children by being an angry, aggressive father. I have said so many mean and hurtful things to all of you [and I was WRONG to do this]. The rebellion and resentment in you is a reaction to my own rebellion and resentment toward God. When this arose in you, I reacted harshly because it reflected what I was doing wrong as a father, and I did not want to see the truth. I did not show you the love, patience, and Godly discipline you needed from me. [Our children wouldn't respond well if I started the sentence pointing out their rebellion and resentment. Perhaps you could start with your own sin? Something like - "Because I wasn't listening to God's plans for me, I was full of rebellion and resentment toward Him. So it is natural that you responded to that with rebellion and resentment. Instead of seeing your reaction as a reflection of my own sin, I responded harshly to you. I should have looked at myself, repented of my sin, and responded to you with love and patience." [We would not mention discipline at this point. Our opinion only.]

 

JDI, these are our thoughts and we are not helpers, nor part of your family. We are just another couple that cares. Please feel free to toss out everything we have suggested if it doesn't fit. It has been good for us to think about this not only to help you, but to think about our own mess and how to put it into words. We are both pulling for you and SW. As you get up each day and think, "What would my helpmeet want me to do today to become more Christlike?" you will make incredible progress. Putting aside all your own ideas (dying to those) and doing all of SW's ideas is the way to go right now.

 

Blessings,

Thankful and Gracey

Edited July 4, 2010 by gracey520

[jusdewit]

JDI,

 

Thankful and I have read your letter. We have some suggestions, just based on the message of this ministry as we understand it. Obviously, we don't know what specific hurts you have caused your wife and children, and VERY OBVIOUSLY, what SW wants you to say to the children is most important!!! So our suggestions are just from the point of view of making your apology letter line up with what you have learned, and our thoughts. I have put some thoughts in below in blue.

 

 

 

[A thought - perhaps you should give them some background on what you have learned about God's intent for a family? How He designed it. For instance: "I have learned that when God made the husband and father the "head" of the family, the word "head" actually means "source of life." It doesn't mean the boss or the big authority. When a husband is not a good source of life to his wife, she naturally has all kinds of negative responses. I have caused all the problems in our home because instead of being a source of life to Mom and you children, I have been a source of spiritual and emotional death. It is natural that we have all these problems because of my actions.] I am sorry for the way I treated you and Mom over the years. I have not been the husband or father that God requires me to be. For many years I did not show mom the kind of love and affection she needed, certainly not "agape" love as the bible tells husbands to do towards their wives. I became harsh with her when she did not do the things I felt were her job. [This sounds a little bit like justifying your harshness because she wasn't doing what you felt was "her job." Maybe "what I wanted her to do"???] I did not support her emotionally when she needed me to. I resented her when she spent time, energy, and emotions doing good for others because I thought it was stealing time and emotional resources from our family. [same comment.] Because I was not giving her what she needed, to be and feel fulfilled at home, she looked outside the family to find meaning, personal and emotional fulfillment. Perhaps add something like: "Of course she did this. I was being a source of death to her, and she had to find some life somewhere else." I often argued with mom, trying to get her to do things my way, and to see things my way instead of trying to understand her needs and how this affected her. She was only responding to what I had been doing wrong for many years.

 

Because of the anger and resentment I let build up in me, I thought I was justified in the way I talked and acted to your mom. [Perhaps add: "I was 100% wrong."?] By doing this I caused very deep pain and emotional chaos in your mother's heart. When she would do things that made us think she was crazy and out of control, she was just responding to things I did, or did not do that I should have. The responsibility was mine. The fault lies with me. I am deeply sorry for putting our family in the position it is in now. I take full responsibility for the mess I made of our family by not being a quality man of God. A quality man of God.[/i][Excellent!] This is the direction I want to pursue, for me and for restoration of our family.

 

I am sorry for the pain and turmoil I caused you children by being an angry, aggressive father. I have said so many mean and hurtful things to all of you [and I was WRONG to do this]. The rebellion and resentment in you is a reaction to my own rebellion and resentment toward God. When this arose in you, I reacted harshly because it reflected what I was doing wrong as a father, and I did not want to see the truth. I did not show you the love, patience, and Godly discipline you needed from me. My children wouldn't respond well if I started the sentence pointing out their rebellion and resentment. Perhaps you could start with your own? "Because I wasn't listening to God's plans for me, I was full of rebellion and resentment toward Him. So it is natural that you responded to that with rebellion and resentment. Instead of seeing your reaction as a reflection of my own sin, I responded harshly to you. I should have looked at myself, repented of my sin, and responded to you with love and patience." [i would not mention discipline at this point. Our opinion only.]

 

JDI, these are our thoughts and we are not helpers, nor part of your family. We are just another couple that cares. Please feel free to toss out everything we have suggested if it doesn't fit. It has been good for us to think about this not only to help you, but to think about our own mess and how to put it into words. We are both pulling for you and SW. As you get up each day and think, "What would my helpmeet want me to do today to become more Christlike?" you will make incredible progress. Putting aside all your own ideas (dying to those) and doing all of SW's ideas is the way to go right now.

 

Blessings,

Thankful and Gracey

 

 

Thank you, I will work these points into the letter. I have to go now to my sons place (D2) to make sure he doesn't blow himself up w/ fireworks. I'll work further on this when I get back. Once again, thank you for your concern and encouragement.

[JoelandKathy]

That is EXCELLENT Gracey!

 

All of your suggestions are excellent.

 

We would take it one step further on the kids rebellion - don't mention that at all!

[jusdewit]

That is EXCELLENT Gracey!

 

All of your suggestions are excellent.

 

We would take it one step further on the kids rebellion - don't mention that at all!

 

Got it.

[jusdewit]

Gracey & Thankful, I was not planning on going that deep into the teachings right off. I mainly wanted to speak to the children and take ownership for this mess so SW did not get any negative backlash from the children. But I guess it's just as well to bring it up now as later as I was planning. I hope you don't mind if I plagerize some of your comments, as I don't think I could have worded it any better. Once again, Thank You.

[jusdewit]

Revision #1

 

to R1 (13 yo daughter) , K (17 yo daughter) , D2 (18 yo son) , D1 (20 yo son)

 

I am sorry for the way I treated you and Mom over the years. I have not been the husband or father that God requires me to be. For many years I did not show mom the kind of love and affection she needed, certainly not "agape" love as the bible tells husbands to do towards their wives. I became harsh with her when she did not do the things I wanted her to. I did not support her emotionally when she needed me to. I resented her when she spent time, energy, and emotions doing good for others. Because I was not giving her what she needed, to be and feel fulfilled at home, she looked outside the family to find meaning, personal and emotional fulfillment. I often argued with mom, trying to get her to do things my way, and to see things my way instead of trying to understand her needs and how this affected her. She was only responding to what I had been doing wrong for many years.

 

I have learned that when God made the husband and father the "head" of the family, the word "head" actually means "source of life." It doesn't mean the boss or the big authority. When a husband is not a good source of life to his wife, she naturally has all kinds of negative responses. I have caused all the problems in our home because instead of being a source of life to Mom and you children, I have been a source of spiritual and emotional death. It is natural that we have all these problems because of my actions.

 

Because of the anger and resentment I let build up in me, I thought I was justified in the way I talked and acted to your mom, but I was wrong. By doing this I caused very deep pain and emotional chaos in your mother's heart. When she would do things that made us think she was crazy and out of control, she was just responding to things I did, or did not do that I should have. The responsibility was mine. The fault lies with me. I am deeply sorry for putting our family in the position it is in now. I take full responsibility for the mess I made of our family by not being a quality man of God. A quality man of God. This is the direction I want to persue, for me and for restoration our family.

 

I am sorry for the pain and turmoil I caused you children by being an angry, aggressive father. I have said so many mean and hurtful things to all of you. Because of my own rebellion and resentment toward God I planted many bad seeds in your hearts. When these arose in you, I reacted harshly because it reflected what I was doing wrong as a father, and I did not want to see the truth. I did not show you the love, patience, and Godly example you needed from me.

 

Will continue tomorrow. Going to eat some more melatonin.

Edited July 5, 2010 by jusdewit

[son-worshipper]

I'm glad to see your letter to the older children. I won't read it until later, maybe tonight or tomorrow. I need to get on the road asap.

[jusdewit]

Good morning SW. Final draft?

 

 

 

to R1 (13 yo daughter) , K (17 yo daughter) , D2 (18 yo son) , D1 (20 yo son)

 

I am sorry for the way I treated you and Mom over the years. I have not been the husband or father that God requires me to be. For many years I did not show mom the kind of love and affection she needed, certainly not "agape" love as the bible tells husbands to do towards their wives. I became harsh with her when she did not do the things I wanted her to. I did not support her emotionally when she needed me to. I resented her when she spent time, energy, and emotions doing good for others. Because I was not giving her what she needed, to be and feel fulfilled at home, she looked outside the family to find meaning, personal and emotional fulfillment. I often argued with mom, trying to get her to do things my way, and to see things my way instead of trying to understand her needs and how this affected her. She was only responding to what I had been doing wrong for many years.

 

I have learned that when God made the husband and father the "head" of the family, the word "head" actually means "source of life." It doesn't mean the boss or the big authority. When a husband is not a good source of life to his wife, she naturally has all kinds of negative responses. I have caused all the problems in our home because instead of being a source of life to Mom and you children, I have been a source of spiritual and emotional death. It is natural that we have all these problems because of my actions.

 

Because of the anger and resentment I let build up in me, I thought I was justified in the way I talked and acted to your mom, but I was wrong. By doing this I caused very deep pain and emotional chaos in your mother's heart. When she would do things that made us think she was crazy and out of control, she was just responding to things I did, or did not do that I should have. The responsibility was mine. The fault lies with me. I am deeply sorry for putting our family in the position it is in now. I take full responsibility for the mess I made of our family by not being a quality man of God. A quality man of God. This is the direction I want to persue, for me and for restoration our family.

 

I am sorry for the pain and turmoil I caused you children by being an angry, aggressive father. I have said and done so many mean and hurtful things to all of you. Because of my own rebellion and resentment toward God I planted many bad seeds in your hearts. When these arose in you, I reacted harshly because it reflected what I was doing wrong as a father, and I did not want to see the truth. I did not show you the love, patience.and Godly example you needed from me.

 

It is my desire and goal to learn and do what it takes to become a good husband and father , to bring healing to your mothers heart and to yours. When you are ready I want you to let me know what I can do to address the hurts I have caused in your heart. I love you all very much.

Edited July 6, 2010 by jusdewit